%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |
Bare and uncensored personal expression. Beware!!! |
|
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "This is pretty much what journals are all about, at least to me. I knew as I wrote them that even though they provided an excellent place for brain (and heart, and psyche) dump, they were mainly a map of me." --- Colleen Wainwright "Writing gives you the illusion of control, and then you realize it's just an illusion, that people are going to bring their own stuff into it." --- David Sedaris "Please write again soon. Though my own life is filled with activity, letters encourage momentary escape into others lives and I come back to my own with greater contentment." --- Elizabeth Forsythe Hailey "In giving of myself onto these pages every day I allow myself to write regardless of the depth and meaning. I share myself with others without fear of recrimination for these are my thoughts, my feelings and my very being, and there are non who's opinion of me matters more than my own." --- Rebecca Laffar-Smith   The Writer's Round-About |
| *chuckles* I really enjoyed chapter 6 of Page After Page by Heather Sellers. It's all about the relationship you have with your writing (and reading) and its priority in your life. Heather talks about 'sleeping with books' and I'm sure most writers know exactly what we mean by this. How many of us have books by the bed or even in bed with us? I know that I have two books on my bed right now and another dozen within reach. Books are a constant in my life, just like pens and paper that you'll find in multiple locations around my home you'll find books. Writing books, romances, fantasies, childrens books, poetry books, programming books. I love books and I wish there were three times as many hours in a day so that I could read more.  When it comes to the love I have for my writing and for language there is this unbreakable bond that very few other things in my life could compare to. My children obviously have this bond to their own degrees as well, and a couple of other select people but it's never the same as the importance writing has in my life. I've known I would be a writer since before I can remember. I have poetry I wrote years ago as a child, I was a poet even then. All the while I've strived to be a writer and lived life knowing that this was all I ever wanted to do and all I ever demanded for myself. I give up so much for my passions. There is a lot I could live without but books, pens, paper... I couldn't breath without them. I don't think I could survive without them. I try to imagine that sort of life and all I picture is me dressed all in white looking at four barren walls and restraints on the beds. A mental institute. Writing keeps me sane. Or as sane as I'll ever be I guess and without it I honestly believe I just wouldn't be able to live a human life. The alternative is pretty horrific which is perhaps why I get very overwhelmed and really hate myself and the world when I don't write. When I should but I don't or I want to but I can't. I try to focus on the kind of life writing can give me, what I truly want, where I want my life to go and how writing can take me there. It's not very easy to keep images like that in mind because things in life keep changing and the images shimmer based on what's happening. For example, I can picture my wrting office, a detached room, in the backyard of this house... Except, there is every chance I won't have that reality because there is an alternate possibility that means I mightn't be living in this house. It gives me unstable footing because for a while I'd had that image firmly fixed in my mind, it's a good dream, I don't know if it's one I could transplant elsewhere. I've always tried to avoid looking forward so much. I've been told how important it is to visualise what you want but with my moods I'd learned not to fix any expectations. Disappointments rock my world too much. Expecting what fails to come to pass sends me into serious shame spirals that can destroy me from the inside out. If I set myself to that specific image and never accomplish it then no matter how great the alternatives might be I'll still suffer that insecurity that goes with failure. But I love my writing, and I love my books, and yes, I sleep with them. I don't always treat it with the respect it deserves or give myself the credit of being good at what I do. I neglect him and I fail to give him the warm praise and compliments a lover deserves. I abuse him and run him down and fail to treat him right. I honestly don't know why he stays around, surely he could do better than me. But then, he'll never have a more loyal, devoted and persistant lover. My writing and I are life mates and while we might frequently argue, the make up sex is fantastic.  |
| I ordered a selection of books from Amazon recently. I love books. I especially love brand new, just off the press books. Amazon is fantastic for these, books in pristine order that arrive neatly packaged in the mail. I've got a very lengthy wishlist on Amazon and somehow I keep adding more books to it faster than I could possibly afford to purchase them. lol But I love books. At the moment I've just started reading a new writing book. Page after Page: Discover the confidence and passion you need to start writing and keep writing (no matter what!) by Heather Sellers. Catchy title huh? I'm really enjoying the book although I clash a little with the writers voice and some of what she has to say. It's not that what she's saying is wrong exactly, but it's a little rough around the edges and voiced as if her way is the only way. There are so many writers who have made writing their life. They each do it their own way and I've found that there really isn't a single right way to make it work. There are so many books and guides out there. They market 'Write a book in 28 days' or 'Best Seller in a week'. It's a lot of hype but again, those sorts of systems just won't work for every writer. They're also based entirely on first drafting. You can't research and write in so short a time, or write and edit, or write and market, or write and find an agent. Yes, you can write a book in under two months. I've done it. The first draft of The Dating Game was written in 6 weeks. But it's by no means ready to hit the eyes of publishers let alone readers. The book process takes much longer than this outcomes. Anyway, I've wandered off point. Part of what I'm enjoying with Heather Sellers Page after Page is her empowering language. She might have a tone that grates to my anti-authority tendancies but she advocates self-empowering strategies. From what I've read so far I can see that she believes as I do, that you have time to write, if you make it for yourself. We all lead very busy lives. There are so many things we can fill up our lives with and sometimes, when writing feels difficult or isn't something you're truly passionate about it is so easy to fill up your time with other activities. When I reached the point where I couldn't stand not writing, I found that there is so much time I waste doing other things that don't fulfill me. One thing I don't agree with is that you don't need a schedule to write. I do believe that not everyone needs one but I know that I do. I know that since I started keeping track of my time and scheduling everything I can I get a lot more done. Having chunks of time set aside for writing is only the first step in what I do now. I also have various other tasks that has time allocated every day. This includes housework, and time with my children, even time to chill out, watch TV or play games or read is in there. Having it all there helps me make sure the important things get done every day. It's not something I stick to strictly. Just because I have Mental Meanderings scheduled in for 7:30PM doesn't mean it has to be done then. That is just when the notification will pop up to remind me to get it done today. If I haven't already done it I get prompted to make time, now, to do it. Tonight it's already 9PM but I've accomplished other tasks prior to doing my blog, it will still get done because it's on my schedule. Wandering again. *chuckles* I'm really enjoying this book and I recommend other passionate writers make the time to read it. If you don't have the time, it's just not a high enough priority in your life. You'll become a writer when it is, when you make the time to live it. I love to quote Stephen King when it comes to reading. "If you don't have the time to read, you don't have the time or the tools to write." |
| Ok, so I've gone and put Page After Page down someplace that isn't the place it's supposed to be which means of course that I can't find it and I have no idea what the next exercise is supposed to be. Never fear, I'll find it tomorrow when I'm not so tired and wanting to get off to bed. Instead tonight I figured I'd grab a snip from my snippet folder and regal you with some random but hopefully interesting fact of my life. I read tarot cards. There you go. See, interesting. Ok, I don't like to admit my primarily spiritualist heritage in mixed community because frankly it leans on the side of freaky with many people. There are so many sceptics in the world and while I'm not sceptic I maintain a firm degree of materialistic synicism that keeps me more grounded then I would otherwise be.But yes, I read tarot cards. I'm also what is 'almost' considered an indigo child. I represent all those characteristics of an indigo child but I was born earlier than most theorist predict the era of indigo children begins so perhaps I'm a pre-indigo child or something equally strange. For those of you who don't know, an Indigo Child is a child born from about the 1990's who show particular cosmic and spiritual insight and connection. Common representations of indigo children would involve, talking to people who 'don't exist', talking about seeing people who aren't there, drawing strange faces, sometime frightening faces, drawing and seeing bright colors around people, having a strange affinity with animals, knowing things before they happen, seeming to read thoughts, etc. Basically an Indigo Child is one who has incredible psychic tendancies. These children have been more and more common or perhaps their existence simply isn't as shunned and hidden and abhored as it used to be. I was fortunate to grow up in a family that was very accepting of spirituality. In later years my mother actually ran The Australian Institute for Past Life Studies. She encouraged all her children to seek their own spiritual and religious paths and I appreciated the wealth of knowledge she provided us with. She still seeks her own path, studying all religions in depth and following her own personal creeds from what she learns. I've learnt to do the same thing so I tend to have an ecclectic mixture of beliefs, some of which are not founded on any specific religion at all. Anyway, as a child I could 'see' things. I emphasis the word 'see' there because I never actually SEE anything, I sense things. I sense things as if they would be visual but it's not like an image on my retina. When I was very young I used to draw rainbows and colors around people. Even my mother had no idea what they were at the time but in the day of Aura Photography and Aura Cleansing and Aura Readings we look back and realise that's quite probably exactly what it was. *grimaces* I feel weird talking about this. There is still so much taboo in the world and I remember being seriously sensored in school and being judged by my 'friends'. They didn't like some of the things I said or did. One night, two of my sisters and I along with a friend were camping outside. It was a windy night. I remember the tent was well grounded but still sometimes felt like we'd be buffetted off into the darkness. The four of us sat in the tend, rugged up with blankets and sleeping bags and pillows. We chatted and giggled like young girls do. I felt relaxed and energised and just started letting myself be in that space when I saw him. He was a young boy. We were four teenage girls but this boy was more like 7 or 8 years old and he was sitting in the tent about a foot away from one of my sisters. I watched him a moment, tuned out to what my sisters were saying. When they called for my attention I shushed them and said, "There's a boy in the tent." They of course looked around and wondered what I was talking about so I clarified, "There is a ghost, he's a young boy who drowned in the swimming pool and he's sitting with us right over there." Ok, so that didn't go down so well. The friend was intrigued and wanted to know more but my sisters freaked out and packed up to go inside. That's one of the major reasons I just don't like talking about it these days. We later learned that yes, a boy had drowned in the swimming pool. Our home used to be the site of the local swimming pool. It had been closed for years and we had filled the pool in when we moved in. We had been camping pretty much right on top of where the pool used to be. Apparently seeing dead people doesn't go down too well with people. I supressed it then and still do to most degree's these days. I don't like 'seeing'. It's a very goosebumpy sensation and sometimes what I 'see' isn't very nice to feel. When I tune in I can sense all sorts of things. I often do it when my mother and I are watching a show like John Edwards because there is so much insight that they do clarify later in the show. Anyway, so I guess that means I'm a medium. I'm also a fully trained past life regressionist although I haven't done a regression in about a decade. I'm trained in Reiki 2 which is a healing technique. I also read tarot although not particularly well. I can use the insight to help translate the cards but I still reference the books to be certain I'm on the right track. Well, there you go, some completely weird facts I usually don't tell anyone about myself. Feel free to consider me a complete freak and never talk to me again or shock me by being curious instead. lol |
| O: On The Book Club tonight we're very lucky to have with us an acclaimed author known best for her fantasy series, "Torque". she has been awarded for her fiction, non-fiction and yes, even poetry. Please put your hands together for the lovely, Rebecca Laffar-Smith. [Audience goes wild as the famous author walks on stage and embraces Oprah then quiets as the two women sit and make themselves comfortable.] Rebecca, it's wonderful to have you with us. I understanding your promoting your new series which has been getting rave reviews. I've read it myself, finished it just last night in fact and I have to say, I COULD NOT PUT IT DOWN. It's really incredible. Tell me, what's it like to write another best seller after the success of your last series? R: [smiles shyly] Wow, thank you Oprah, it's really wonderful to be here again. Actually I love this new series and I'm so excited the first book has finally reached readers. I've been getting so many letters from readers who loved the first series and wanted to know what I was working on next. I have to admit I was a little worried this new direction might alienate a few of my readers but it actually seems like more and more of the books are selling. I understand HarperColins have had to go into their third run, the demand has been just amazing. O: [nodding] Yes, the last time you were here you we had only just discovered you after the release of "The Flight of Torque". That was the first of the series. Did you ever think the books would be so popular? R: [chuckles] Oh gosh, no. I remember when I was writing Flight of Torque I had so many doubts. It was a rough year and I went in so many wrong directions I often wondered if I'd ever finish the book. Even then the thought of its success was just a spark amongst the tinder of my imagination. It hadn't taken off. I mean I joked about Jessica Alba staring in the movie but when it actually happened, wow, it was just incredible. Now with this second series I wanted to delve a little deeper with the character aspects of my new cast. I wanted to get a little more 'real' with my characters and show normal people being called to do extraordinary things. I have to admit that Tori, well, we could hardly call her 'normal'. [chuckles as audience chuckles] I know, she's practically a super-heroine but I wanted to branch away from having characters that weren't completely relateable in modern day. I also wanted to explore the celtic/pagan branches of my own heritage and take a step backwards into medieval times. I think those who loved Torque will find a whole new way of seeing the world with the new series. O: Well, I read your book and our audience tonight have ALL been given a copy. Yes, yes, check your little bags under your chairs, you all have a copy of Rebecca's book and I'm sure you'll all love it as much as I did. [Audience shuffles to dig up their goodies with oh's and ah's. I'm smiling.] But tell me, what can we expect from the rest of this series? R: Oh, I couldn't really go into that Oprah, it would be telling... [winks] But what I can say is that one of our favorite characters has a revelation no one could possibly guess. In fact, [appears to ponder] I'll give five-hundred dollars if one of my fans can email me [email address appears on screen] with what you suspect is going to happen and guess correctly. [emails start going wild before the show even finishes] These new characters are so embedded in their world and each is sparked with their unique brand of humanity that it is going to be interesting reading as they come up through the conflicts, some of the past, some of the present. They're going to be facing inner demons but ultimately they'll grow into remarkable people. They have their own story to tell and even I'm continuing to learn from them day after day as I write. O: I know you have the next few books of this series but are there any plans for beyond that? And what else are you working on outside of the novels? R: I'm glad you asked actually. Yes there are plans beyond this latest series. I wanted to work on a book that's focused more on spirituality and the connection within ourselves. We are coming into an age where people are more in tune with their higher power and their importance in the reality of the universe and I wanted to capture that. In a way all of my books connect with the power of people, particularly the self power that every person possesses but I wanted to portray that on a grander scale. I've also been publishing more of my poetry and non-fiction articles. I have my colomn as you all know and I'm delighted to announce that it's finally reached international syndication which means readers all over the world will be able to share in the topics I cover every month. I have a new book coming off the presses as we speak. It's another poetry anthology, this one focusing on the suffering involved with terminal illness. Part of the proceeds of that book go to the Xeroderma Pigmentosum Society who do amazing things for the sufferers of XP and their family. O: That's is a wonderful cause and I understand it's important to you for personal reasons. Your brother was diagnosed with the terminal condition and died at a young age. [I'm nodding] All of your books sound like they are very close to you. Do you draw from your own experiences? R: [smiles] Well I've certainly never turned into a snake but I suppose in a way I try to use myself and my own experiences to deepen the qualities of my characters. In a way I also wanted the opportunity to express my beliefs and to reach out to anyone who's ever suffered in life. Each of my books focuses strongly on a deep truth that I wanted to share with my readers. In The Flight of Torque it was all about the importance of having faith in yourself. Without that Tori and Lucas could never have been the amazing people they were. I've been learning, along with my characters I suppose, and it's wonderful to be able to share that experience with my writing. It's such a vital element of who I am and how my world is shaped. O: [nodding, audience enthralled] Thank you so much for talking with us tonight, Rebecca. R: [smiling] Thank you for having me, Oprah. O: I'm sure we'll see more of you in the future. [turns to camera/audience] If you want to get a copy of any of Rebecca's books they're on sale now at all major bookstores or you can order them online. You can also order copies of, "Born To Say Goodbye", which is set for release later this week, remember part proceeds go to the Xeroderma Pigmentosum Society and you can make donations to support their cause directly to their website, via this number or through Rebecca's website. [web address flashes on screen] I hope you'll all read her books and come to see the wonderful insight this lovely young woman brings into the world. She conveys the depth of human emotion and spiritual connection in enchanting stories that delight the mind and are sure to reach out to all readers. Thank you for joining us with another book club. *chuckles* That was pretty fun. I challenge you all to go interview yourself on Oprah. That was Exercise 15 from Page After Page by Heather Sellers. Interview yourself as if you're an already famous writer and discuss your future projects and what you would like to write about.Have fun and keep writing, Yours truly, Rebecca Laffar-Smith ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| I'm one of those writers who has trouble starting things. It's not that I'm not enthusiastic it's just I get these anxiety build ups that hold me back in procrastination mode. And hold me back, and back, and back where I'll dither all day long unless I put into practice the "butt in chair" method of writing. In Heather Sellers book she talked about how one student coined it 'button chair' because of hearing it said rather than seeing it written. I think the term is rather clever. Imagine having a chair you could button or strap yourself into? For me the "butt in chair" is the only way I ever get work done. I don't know many people who accomplish anything without getting into it. Taking action. I can procrastinate all day long but when I bring myself into the present with a single project to the exclusion of all others I'm "butt in chair". With Flight of Torque it involves shutting off email, all web browsers except the FoT campfire item, setting my yahoo to *busy writing* so that people know they'll get their heads chopped off if they interrupt me, and then position my headphones with Enya cranked into my ears. "Butt In Chair". With other projects it's not as exclusive as that. This blog for example has been put off all day. It's now gone midnight, again, and I'm finally 'butt in chair' here. I've stopped chatting with others and I've put aside all other projects for the completion of this one. It's not that I'm exclusive here, I could get distracted and check my email but I'm present, here, for my blog. I was present for two reviews today too. I'd put them off all of yesterday and today I set aside all other distractions. I closed the chat windows and stopped surfing the web in hunt of distractions and just "butt in chair"ed it. Decided to start, and acted. It's so easy to accomplish something when you reach that point of decide/act. There are lots of projects that take time to reach that point so it's not always possible but ultimately the decide/act is a comforting phenomenon. I should practice it more often. In Page After Page, Heather Sellers talks about setting yourself up with "Butt In Chair" time every day. As little as 15 minutes where you're fully present, here at the desk, have put aside all other distractions are are writing. It doesn't matter what you write, you could start with shopping lists or blog entries but it's important to develop the "Butt In Chair" discipline. I'm usually pretty good when it comes to "Butt In Chair" blogging. I have my crashes where days go buy without a blog and I have my 'dragged kicking and screaming to the chair' days too. But I'm here again, on a Sunday no less. Blogging. I have my audience to consider after all. Then again, I'm sure many of you might wish I didn't bother.  Too bad, if you don't like it, don't read it. lolExercise 13: Spend three minutes writing a list of ten things you did/saw two days ago, then take ten minutes to write about one thing from that list. 1. A mist of frost on the car windows that needed to be wiped off before driving. 2. Venus on prominent display beside a cresent moon, both with their ethereal glows like a giant looking down upon a child. 3. Smooth, sleek black fur of my new cat, Phantom. His coat is a rich, thick, pure black that could disappear into the shadows and glisten in the moonlight. I can imagine him prowling the midnight crickets and hunting mice in the corners of the house. 4. My two little ones playing together, sharing a chair at the computer while big sister helped little brother and little brother helped big sister. Two blonde heads, focused in unison, twin pitched voices chattering away, common ground and sharing, beauty in motion. 5. Baby boy 'driving'. Little hands hold an imaginary steering wheel as he two-wheels it around corners. His little voice "brroomming" and "zooming" like a race car and his whole body rocks with the motions as he crashes with splutters and giggles. 6. Two dozen little heads peering over desks, greedy eyes hunting for a familiar face so they can escape into the sunlight after a long day at school. Smiles, bright eyes, contrasting colors and a multicultural mixture with the same hungry look for freedom. 7. Newborn baby, still pink and wrinkled, less than a week old. She's bundled all in pink. Obviously very much loved and completely spoilt. Older brother's already lost interest as he slings his backpack over one shoulder. Baby blues look with interest unfocused on the world. 8. Chocolate dress, my favorite, with soft edges and a slimming waistline. Feeling fantastic as I am instead of seeing only all my faults. Loving this dress and wishing for the cash to buy more clothes that I enjoy wearing. 9. Oranges, yellows, soft reds all crushed with greens. My daughter's nastucians (sp?) in full bloom. Their leaves are a pale green, rounded and all leaning into the sunrise. Water licks at their petals and soaks quickly into the thirsty roots. 10. Flickering flames suckling on the fresh dry wood in a newly light fireplace. Smoke rising up the chimney and into the clear sky of a late autumn night in Australia. The air is chilled and inside becomes a cozy haven with crackles and heat kissing the edges of the glass. Mesmerising patterns in the fire, colors blending. The morning's start later and end earlier, the moon rises high into the sky, a sharp quiver of frosted white as if it, too, is caught in the cooling air of winters swift approach. The grasses are emerald gardens, lush and rejuvinated after the harsh, dry summer. The trees look like ghosts along the walk, their grey trunks tower over the footpath and their green/grey leaves cling with determination to the branches, euculyptus scent wafts in the breeze. The car's windows are frosted in the chill. Water condensed in crystals on the glass but trickle from the edge of the hand held wiper. The winshield wiper isn't effective on frost like that, it deals with pelting rain but the mist of a cool morning embraces the glass. The water dries quickly as the morning sun begins to bake the earth. The clear skies mean the heat doesn't linger, the rays still stinging but their bite gentled in the cool air. At the end of a hard day when the moon looks down on Venus, glowing in the night sky we retreat inside. It would be nice to spend time admiring the ethereal beauties and wondering at the mythological gods they were named for or perhaps the Gods were named for the planets instead of the other way around? The looks tiny beside the mother moon, like a child gazing up into her loving eyes, overwhelmed by her fragile figure, dwarfed by the parent. Their color matches, Venus a child of the moon with her mothers soft skin. The planet is blanketed in toxic clouds but it gives her an ivory gown in the reflected light. She'll disappear from the sky soon enough, these moments of luminence are fleeting. The fire inside flickers and licks at the wood. Heat pulses from the flame. I'm always intrigued by fire. How does it radiate heat. How does a flame burn. It consumes oxygen and depending on what is burning there are various smells that linger in the air. Rose Musk fills my mothers house, incense burnt with regularity. It's a scent I really love when there are other incense that I don't. I like most musk smells and apparently musk is one of those smells most people don't like. Obviously some do or they wouldn't make rose musk incense and musk deoderants and perfumes. I've an allergy to most fragrances so I don't wear perfume. Do people really find various smells particularly appealing? Are men attracted to the scent of flowers blended with the warm femininity of a womans smell? I don't know... I prefer natural scents. A newborn baby, hair washed in the salt of the ocean, skin glistening from swimming in a freshwater lake. Cooking smells, vibrant colors. My family things I'm strange because I love the idea of brightly colored walls. I remember "Fools Rush In" because of the walls. The heritage of her people to live surrounded by vibrant color. Can I paint one wall purple and another orange in the same room, with light blue cornices. Blending colors, and filling the house with the smell of baking bread, and rosemary lamb roast... Run away in the colors and scents and flavors and textures of the world. It's definitely past the ten minute limit. lol I have to get to bed. G'night all and have sweet dreams when you sleep and productive and fun days while you're awake. |
| Ok, so I'm at my desk today. It's strange to be here. For days now I've not written anything at all. I felt that tug that was telling me I was doing the wrong thing by staying away but I firmly ignored it. I knew that even if I came to my desk I would struggle to write because my mind was elsewhere. But in not even trying I also know, in the pit of my stomach, that I've made it worse for myself. It's harder to come back. Tonight I can't concentrate. My mind flitters, it flutters, and deep inside the voices are shouting, "SAVE ME!" at any slight distraction that passes by. It's also telling me it's time to scratch this idea of doing all the Page After Page exercises. I knew it would happen. As soon as I stop reading these books the enthusiasm dissapates and I'm left with the notion that the book was good but that I don't need to do anything beyond read... It's a defeatest attitude so without further ado I'll get into it... From Page After Page by Heather Sellers Exercise 11: Keep a bedside journal. When you're cranky or just in a bad mood take a few minutes to write in the journal. When you wake up in the morning don't get out of bed before writing at least one sentence. If you can't sleep or are struggling to write, write a sentence in the journal. Just write! Ok, well I keep my blog and I write in it many days. I SHOULD write in it every day. And when I'm doing ok I do pretty well. Then I smack into a wall, always self-created, and do less well. lol I don't actually have a journal beside my bed so I'll put one there tonight. I do frequently take one to bed with me which I suppose is similar. But I rarely write first thing in the morning. I usually have to be jumping out of bed to get the kids up and dressed, breakfasted, lunches made, etc. The usual craziness that goes on in the household of a single mother. Still, that's a pretty lame exercise... But I'm too darn out of it, lazy and pissy to bother hunting up Exercise 12 tonight. So YAY! I can call it quits and say I'm done. |
| I always feel strange when I talk to people in real life about my being a writer. I was on the phone the other day to a woman who was booking an appointment for me and we were in a chatty frame of mind, "What do you do?" she asked me. My standard response these days is, "I'm a writer". It's easier to say I'm a writer rather than I'm a writer/poet/freelance copyediter/mother/homekeeper. Anyway, her response, and one I've heard from others before was, "Oh wow, that's great, I always wanted to write a book." To me it feels like a no-brainer, seriously, if you want to write then write. It takes no exceptional skill or fancy hardware. You pick up the nearest pen or pencil and start scratching away. That's how books are written, by people scratching away. But to non-writers it seems like being a writer is some magical state, royal, special, famous. We could have our own reality TV show, "The Life and Times of a Writer." --- See how she spends hour after hour staring off into space. Ohh look, she's washing her dishes, isn't she amazing? Anyway, Chapter 3 of Page After Page reminded me of that experience. It discusses the role writing takes in your life and compares it to that of a lover. I mean come on, to write we have to be in love with our writing. It doesn't happen any other way. We have our lovers quarrels and our tiffs and even better the make up sex. That's a writers life. In chapter 3 Heather Sellers askes, "Is your writing life going to be a lover in the center of your life? The thing you pulse toward, the fever in your soul? Or is your writing life more of a casual crush, something you think about, but don't do much about?" I think a lot of people have a crush on writing. Even many WDCers, perhaps even most WDCers, simply have a crush on writing. It's good to snuggle up with their writing when they can sneak away from their main squeeze, the busy-ness of the rest of their life. For me my writing is more of a marriage. It's not in that first love stage any more where we live in each others pockets, it's in that comfortable stage where we are loyal and companionable and have to lock the door to keep the kids from disturbing our lovemaking sessions. That's it in a nutshell for me now. I write and I surround myself with writer-like experiences which include my poetry and my poetry group, reviewing, copywriting, copyediting, and of course reading. Those fill my average day along with the household chores which sometimes don't get done. These things, and my writing sessions at night are flexed into the time I'm taking care of my kids. I check my email first thing in the morning then get dressed and get my oldest to school. I'm home with my youngest working on the writer-like experiences during the day, and after they are in bed I have my blog and my writer-sex, my book. Ok, so I kind of got distracted talking about my writer love-life. Basically the whole chapter is devoted to deciding how important writing is in your life and deciding if you want to permit yourself to have an open-writing relationship where you can have a little non-writing on the side or whatever. Exercise 7: "The excuses you are making right now are illusionary distractions - and very, very useful. Write down and look at them. Write down what you were thinking, list all those obstacles, to-do lists, jobs, fears, dreams, excuses. Put together all those busy-drugs you are addicted to, meetings you must attend, children you must feed. Write it all down. Are you in the mood to fall in love with writing? Are you too exhausted to take on a lover?" - Heather Sellers, Page After Page. Ok, so she wants a list? I guess I already started one didn't I. Kids, to and from school, meals, diaper changes, child-related-mini-dramas (splinters, sibling rivalry, wanting something out the fridge, needing help with something etc.), weekly TV show addictions (Heros), dishes, laundry, folding, making beds, general tidying, general cleaning, reviewing, poetry writing, poetry reading, research, online distractions, chatting, exercise, blogging, reading blogs, email, submitting, movies, music, singing, mother, games, sisters, friends... I'm sure there are probably more. That was mostly just to-do list stuff and jobs. Writing about my dreams and fears feels separate and not really for this blog entry. I could write whole entries dedicated to those and have done in the past. lol As for the answer to those questions I pretty much already did by admitting where my relationship is with my writing now. I guess the good news is that even though we're married we have sex every night. At least NOW we do. When I was blocked it was a long and painful drought where I went around feeling very neglected and unloved by my writing. The thing I've learnt is that my writing-lover waits for me to come with flowers, not the other way around. It's a little one sided in that sense but when you show up with a box of chocolates, you get so much more in return. |
| Ok, some strange, evil trid talked me into actually creating an account on YouTube today. I've known of YouTube for months. I've enjoyed occasional browsing sessions there and I've had a few friends point me to various videos, usually for their comic value. But never before have I bothed to create an account. I have to say that not doing so, was simply a survival instinct. I'm so wrapped up in my other projects and I knew YouTube had the capacity to suck me into it's whirling vortex of terror. Boy, was I right. After creating an account I found myself exploring and starting to think up some crazy ideas. I'm the sort of insane that might actually, someday if I get brave or stupid enough, put my own video up. Along with time wasted watching the videos of other YouTubers I actually practiced recording. Just now I took a recording of me and my baby boy and it's made me really appreciate the wonder of home movies. I've never taken video footage of my kids before. At least, not any that was particularly significant, that involved the kids interacting with me or the camera. I did take a minute snap of baby boy building with blocks once but this was different. He sat on my knee as we recorded and then as we watched it back and he interacted with himself in the screen and everything. He totally loved it. It's made me think of recording some conversations to baby boy via cam that he can watch after the fact or capture more moments with my family that we can store and look back on in the future. Anyway, obviously I'm addicted which is a bad sign. Perhaps you should all chain me away from my cam and away from You Tube. I have too many other procrastination means, I don't need to be stacking more into my life. Speaking of procrastination, lets move into Exercise 3 so that I can put aside this blog and gets some FoT written. Speaking of FoT!!! WOOT!!!! I've been patting myself on the back all day, truly celebrating an accomplishment. It's even been on my Yahoo status message and in my WDC handle all day today. Last night I wrote for an hour for FoT and a total of 1,739 additional words. It felt fantastic. For the first time in months it wasn't painful to write. It was still hard but I wasn't spending every minute wishing the world would end. So CHEERS!!! And congratulations to me. I'm a WRITER! Ok, Page After Page, by Heather Sellers: Exercise 3: Find a writing group. I've already found one here on WDC but I will be looking for others in my area so that I can attend one locally. This is a time consuming task and as a single mother it will be hard attending a group at least until baby boy starts school next year. Exercise 4: Attend Live Readings OMG I would love to do this. Again, it's something I'll have to look up and see if I can find any going on. It would be great if there was one specifically focused for mothers that we could take kids to but odds are there won't be. Perhaps I can talk my mother or sister into babysitting? Will have to wait and see. Exercise 5: Read and Listen I already do this but I could definitely do more of it. I've been wondering if anyone does poetry readings on YouTube. Something to look into. Surely there are recordings of readings online I can get into. I've already got links to a podcast where they talk about writing but I don't listen as often as I should. Time to schedule those into my life. Exercise 6: 15 minute free-writing. (Write down all the voices that are present within you.) Oh Goodness, this is a challenging one. The book talks about teachers and a few come instantly to mind. They flitter through my head so quickly that it's hard to lock into them long enough to catch what they're saying. Mrs Greaves was one of my primary school teachers. I had her for year two, three, and six and I adored her completely. She was always so warm and encouraging. She died in her garden early in my sixth year, spider bite, it was a significant loss in my life and I was rocked. Ruth Greaves as I call her now is a powerful influence in my writing life. I often feel like she was the first to believe in me. I can't remember any specific occasion she encouraged my writing but she definitely had faith in ME as a person and radiated the warmth and caring I would like to give others. There were three male teachers in primary school too. Mr. Shrug was a little course. I didn't much like him, he seemed distant and didn't make any sort of connection with me. I felt a little pushed aside by him and felt a little left behind and forgotten in his class. I adored the year six teacher but never had him as my own teacher except for sport or when he covered for a teacher that was away. He was always so friendly and fun and soooo georgious. He was perhaps my first school-girl crush. I swear, he was a cutey. And then Mr. Pegoraro was cool. Most kids didn't much like him but I thought he was great. He thought he was funnier then he really was but he had a grasp on teaching, a grip on learning and he wanted 'his' kids to do well. He had an energy and passion that was inspiring. I often thing of him as Mr. Pegasus, winged horse. All these teachers have a part to play in my writing life and I remember them fondly if a little strangely at times.In high school there was one other teacher who influenced my writing although far more negatively. She was my English teacher and although she mightn't have known it, I worshipped her. I thought that since she taugh English she must be brilliant. She failed me. I shared a story asking if she'd critique it for me and she said she would then never got back to me. After then, she failed me and in a way I feel like the two tie together. I often wondered if it was so bad she just couldn't think of a nice way to tell me it's hopeless and I should give up. I rebounded from those thoughts to thinking it's so good she's totally jealous and spiteful. The yin yang of a writer, ego vs. insecurity. lol *ponders* Who are some other people who inspired my writing or have had an influence? My father to some degree simply by existence but not significantly enough to add to the acknowledgements of any of my books at this point. My stepfather had confidence in me. I don't know if he supports my desire to write but his love made me feel pretty special and important. I feel like he never doubted that I could be brilliant. My sisters, particularly the one closest in age. She's the one who asks me about my writing, she treats me like the professional I want to be treated like. She's not always the best for encouraging me to go sit, butt in chair, because when she's free she wants me to be able to drop it all and hang out with her but I don't mind that so much because she's not free very often. She hasn't read any of my work so far as I'm aware but it's in not having read any that I actually feel more confident. I feel like, even if I never published anything she would still be behind me, pushing me to chase my dream, whatever that dream may be.  My best friend, the afformentioned trid has been a huge influence as well. I've known him years and so he's been there through a few non-writing periods. He's the sort of guy who's judgement free. I never feel like he thinks less of me when I'm not writing. "I" feel less of me and I beat myself up about it so it feels good to have his strength in those times. He also doesn't let me slack off. He knows writing is hard, he knows I struggle through it but he also knows how very important it is for me to write. He knows how terrible I feel when I don't. He bolsters me up reminding me that I'm talented and that I deserve to have whatever it is I want in life. I really appreciate his faith in my ability and the way he pushes me, challenges me, inspires me. He can lift me out of a slump (if I'm in a mood to let him) and set me soaring again. He reads my poetry and likes it. He doesn't mess it up (too much) and while he's Mr. Math he really makes an effort to meet me on my level. His voice is frequently in my head, pushing me on, reminding me why I write, why I love it, why it's important and that I'm brilliant and beautiful and capable of anything.My mother is also a voice in my head when it comes to my writing. She is another of the people in my life who believe I have the strength and courage to do anything. Sometimes I suspect she wishes I wasn't so set on this whole writing idea but she's never actively discouraged me. She's survived my asking her to read my work and while I often wish she could have more to say about it or could be more positive and encouraging and influencial I know that she is pretty proud of me. In so many ways I'm the wonderful daughter she adores. I love feeling that from her, knowing that she feels very sure of me makes me feel surer of myself. There have been ups and downs with her influence on my writing, but ultimately, without my mother I wouldn't be writing today. My kids. Their voices are in my head every day. My daughter especially has complete faith in Mummy. She knows I'm a writer and she thinks everything I write is fantastic. It's empowering to feel like the most brilliant person in the world in the eyes of your child. She knows that Mummy doesn't know everything (I've told her that) and she's started to occasionally tell me I'm wrong (even when I'm not) but she still believes Mummy knows a whole lot. Mummy is clever and gifted and Mummy is special. That's a powerful influence to keep my spirits focused on the higher peaks of every mountaneous challenge. Ok, so my 15 minutes is up but there is one last batch of people I need to acknowledge for their voices in my head. It's my friends here on WDC. Most specifically and in no particularly order, rain  , ♥~HermyKitteh~♥ , Anyea , tirzahlaughs, Kåre Enga in Udon Thani  , The Literary Penguin , larryp, bkcompton, northernwrites, Sweets , Forge . There are many others who have influenced me and I meet more and more wonderful people every day. Their incouragement and cheering keep me positive. Their understanding and commiserations reassure me. These fantastic writer friends UNDERSTAND the writing world. They're an intelligent, creative, inspirational bunch from all walks of life and experience but who share this passion for words. There voices remind me that I'm not alone, they reassure me that it's supposed to be hard and that persistence is the real key. Thank you, all of you. I don't feel like I really completed the exercise correctly. I couldn't think of specific quotes from these people so let me see if I can think up a few now. *Actually I cheated and dug a few out of my blog comments. I should take to my notepad when you guys say great stuff so I can use it for future recall.* "You love people, you love writing, you love poetry, write what you love." --- My Trid (I'll never forget this one my Trid. It's amazing the vibrant energy it fills me with everytime I read it. Thank You!) "You have courage. Don't doubt that. All you need is the opportunity [...] and I know you will succeed." --- Rain "*points straight ahead* Yes RK, you are headed in the right direction. *push push* You'll get where you are going one step at a time." --- Sweets "You are writing and that is wonderful!" --- Anyea "Your continued dedication to your daily blog always inspires me Rebecca. If you did nothing for yourself yesterday, know you did something for me." --- Sweets "Any way to write is great." --- Linda "GO REBECCA! Keep on keeping on girl! You can do this. You want to do this, you need to do this and sometimes you even LOVE WRITING!" --- Anyea (This is a fantastic one I look back on often. Thank you Anyea!) |
| Pre-blog Blog: Ok, I'm going to do another Page After Page entry but I wanted to begin with a sidetrack. My daughter asked me today, "Why does the word 'knife' start with a k?" I of course have no idea. So I attempted to find out via google. No luck finding an answer other than, "Because some tosser said so." What I did find was this delightful and very informative and also entirely (as far as I'm aware) correct satire from George Carlin's book, "Brain Droppings": http://www.sense.net/~blaine/funstuff/carlin.html Blog: Chapter two of Page After Page tends to deal with the independence and codependence of writers. The image of writers tends to be a hermit-like solitary figure, shut away in a dimly lit, book-filled room, scribbling or typing away for hours all through the night and falling into exhausted sleep when the pulsing energy of inspiration fades enough that the human batteries have to be charged. While in a way this image can be fairly accurate it generally isn't. Yes, writing tends to be a solitary act however writers, the best ones anyway, can't do it alone. We need the support of our family, our friends, we need support of others in the industry, an outlet to be embraced by as an equal. We need other writers because they are the only ones that really 'get' us. Writers need to be alone to write, but they need to have together time as well, to write. Exercise 2: a) "Write on your scratch paper the answers to these questions (write for 20 minutes): Do you want your "input" to look any different? Does your communal writing self need to be balanced, enriched? What would you need to do? What does your dream writing community look like? Who helps you with what, and what do you help others with, by way of the writing life?" b) "To enrich your public writing self, join a book group, or find an online book group or at least some lists of books other writers love. Can you commit to an hour a week of talking with others about books and their makers? Find smart, fun people by looking at libraries, colleges, newspapers, and bookstores for groups." c) Design a reading program. Create a list of books you want to read - books about writing, books like the ones you want to write, books other writers seem to be reading and loving, best sellers, classics, there are lots of lists of books. Create your own schedule. C) Ok, I'm going to work backward here. I'm definitely NOT going to write my list of TO READS. I'm not sure a TO READ schedule would work for me either. I'm never sure how long any particular book will take me to read. This Page After Page book for example is only 228 pages and it's taken me a few days already. If it had been a Mills and Boon romance it would be about that long and could be devoured in 2 hours. Different books require different ways of reading. I do however have a LOT of books on my TO READ list and more are added frequently. I wade my way though them. But I've actually started to schedule reading time. An hour of reading that goes into my workout time. I read while I work out. Fantastic way to take my mind off of the sweat. B) I spent two hours at the library yesterday and I've started visiting the WDC chat room again. I have to be wary of the chat room. It's easy to find myself losing time in there that I could put to better use. But I really appreciate the atmosphere and sharing between other writing enthusiasts. There are also other community aspects thanks to WDC I enjoy so I think I'm doing well with this area. A) Ok, I'm not so sure I should spend 20 minutes on this exercise. If I do I'll have more words than even my regulars could forgive me for in this blog entry. It's already pretty long as it is. But I do want to answer each question and get Exercise 2 done and done right. Do you want your "input" to look any different? I think the input Heather Sellers means here is the amount of soul feeding I give my writer self. I definitely want to increase my reading quota. I spend so much time online and I've found more time eaten up by the TV or DVD's lately when I'm would benefit more from putting my head into books. I love Heather's suggestion of SLEEPING with books. *grins* I do it already. lol There are three books on my bed. But I must need more so that my body is absorbing it while I sleep. Does your communal writing self need to be balanced, enriched? I'd also like to connect in person with other writers. This is challenging because of my little ones. Next year when my youngest starts school I plan to begin attending the weekly writers meeting at my local library again. But I'd love to find poetry readings and just, comfortable, relaxed get togethers with other writers. I want to connect with people in person in a social setting. I'd love to have writing sessions where we all come with the intension of writing for an hour or so. What would you need to do? *chuckles* I guess I just need to do it. Read more and go on the hunt for other writers in my area. Perhaps start a writers playgroup for mothers who want to write? *ponders* I could probably do that but it would be a huge undertaking and I don't really want to be the one people look to to lead the darn thing. I want the opportunity to learn from the experience of others not show newer writers the way. I do that enough here on WDC. I might start trolling the newspapers and perhaps spend some time browsing the web in search of writing associations in Perth. What does your dream writing community look like? Personally I want a group of writers I can reach out to and submerge myself in. A group that simply understands. Not one that has to share their work of hunts for reviews but simply talks the business. Shares our lives rather than our writing. Part of my long term goals also involves putting together a writers getaway which would have a mixture of writing time, lectures, readings, workshops, and chats in a relaxed atmosphere where if the muse ties you to your keyboard everyone else understands and someone brings you a sandwich. Who helps you with what, and what do you help others with, by way of the writing life? My friends here on WDC help me a great deal. They remind me of my strengths and push me to keep writing. They hold my hand or give me a hug when it's getting hard and they're there as a shoulder to cry on when I need one. They believe in me and want me to succeed. They know how important writing is to me and they understand how hard this business is. Other WDC members review my work which gives me a confidence and help me hone my understanding of techniques. Each day I get a number of reviews, most of them are warm fuzzies, what I call 'fluff' reviews, those are ok, they help me feel good about my writing but I also get some reviews that help me grow as a writer and improve my work. I'm truly thankful for those. My family and my loved ones support me. My kids know me as their writer mother. I've made sure that they know I do this as a job. I'm not just a mother, I'm a writer and when school friends ask what Mummy does they have an answer. I guess I have a bit of pride there, demanding a sense of respect. I mightn't have a great many writing credits at this point but I put a lot into my career and want everyone around me to treat me like the professional I am. Thankfully my best friend in the whole world pushes me and believes in me more than any other person in my life. Whenever I feel myself falter he's there to catch me. It's amazing the impact everyone in my life has on my writing successes. I've stopped sharing that side of my life with people who don't take it seriously.I give back to the community with my own in-depth reviewing and hosting the Persevering Poets Present. I've run contests in the past and in a way this blog is my return to the community. It's a glimpse into the life of a writer I suppose, the frustrations, the successes, along with the simple normalcy of living a life alongside the writer-life. I'm also open to helping anyone who asks and discuss and share what I've learnt so far with other writers all over WDC. Ok, so I've rambled on for ages. I probably did end up putting 20 minutes into that exercise. *blushes* Oh well. So I have a super long entry. What else is new. Reading is optional. Joining with your own responses would be fantastic! Thank you Anyea for taking part in yesterday's exercise. I loved reading your own answers and would love to see the answers of some of my other readers too. |
| Ok, so I'm abusing my blog time. Or rather I'm multitasking it. This book I'm reading Page After Page by Heather Sellers has exercises at the end of each chapter. In that way it's like many books on writing and sometimes I do the exercises, sometimes I don't. This time I thought I might as well, no harm in putting that much effort into giving these a try. So, I figured I might kill two birds with one blog and use my blog entry tonight to complete exercise one. So, without further ado: Exercise 1: 1. Describe the qualities of your ideal writing guidebook. What is covered? 2. Describe the qualities of your ideal writing class. What do you learn? 3. Describe yourself as a student. What are your best student-like qualities? 1. --- These activities actually say 'list' but I'm not so great with lists. I'm too verbose and I'd like to go into detail. You all know me by now, unless you're a new reader (in which case "Hi and Welcome!"). I don't have a little to say about anything. My ideal writing book would be one that has two words in it. "GO WRITE!" There are all these books out there that I want to read. I know how important it is to read as a writer and I love reading all books, not even just my favorite genres. I love all books. I'm often energized and inspired by reading. It's a fantastic way to recharge and renew my faith in myself. But seriously, sometimes it can be so captivating reading these books that I just want to keep reading. Perhaps instead of these exercises at the end of each chapter it all goes blank and instead just says, "GO WRITE!" Of course, that would still be too easy to ignore. I find I turn to books about writing when I'm struggling with a block or the fear is overwhelming me. I enjoy the reassurance in these books and I think I need that. I need other writers to tell me, "Yes it is hard but this is normal." "It's supposed to be this way." "It's not meant to be easy." I know when we read best sellers, or fantastic classics it FEELS easy. Because it feels so easy and enjoyable to read it's easy to think it came easy for the writer. It feels wonderful to be reminded that it's NOT EASY. It's HARD work, and that makes it all the more worthwhile. 2. --- I've never participated in a writing class so I'm not sure what to expect. I did, once, go to a writers group and hated it. Primarily because all members were expected to write on the same topics in the same style rather than being encouraged in our own specific desires. There is nothing wrong with having writing exercises but I don't want to write for topics I don't enjoy. I want the freedom to join with other writers. I want all of us to be writing what we really WANT to write. At the end of the writing period we can then talk about the experience writing. Not the words on the page but how we felt writing them. How hard it was, how confident we are in what was written, or not. I'd like a writing class where instead of comparing the quality of my work with other writers I'm given the freedom to simply share the experience of writing with them. I'd like that same writing class to do chapter or page exchanges. Each session we go in with what we've been working on all week and each person trades with another random person. That page is filed away and during the time between classes we give an in-depth review to that piece. We bring it back to class the next time and give it back along with our notes/review. The author can then pass the same work to another member to get more feedback or take the review home, rework it then bring it back another day. I'd like a writing class that focuses on teaching various tools and techniques. Ones that encourage confidence and helps tighten all writing. Perhaps a class that takes an item of work from everyone and captures the weaknesses in each then shows how to tighten it to the entire group so the whole class can learn as a unite from each others work. Or perhaps even just random paragraphs from a non-member or the host. I think it would be important to include various grammar techniques and basic language rules instruction here too such as the difference between verb, noun, pronoun, participle etc. 3. --- I call myself a life learner. I'm an insatiable student and want to soak and absorb knowledge. I'm a proactive learner too. I want to jump in, head first and sink up to my ears and then claw my way out. I want to experience what I'm learning more than simply reading or being told about it. I get bored with repetition, particularly when it's too easy. I want to be challenges and I want to get down and dirty with it. I want to work up a sweat. I want to push my boundaries and stretch my mind. I'm the kind of student who wants to question everything. I want to know WHY! Don't tell me it is if you can't justify WHY it just is. For example, why does a negative times a negative equal a positive? It just does? NO!!! WHY??? Show my how that works! I want to people to argue their point of view with me. If I say something that counters your beliefs then I honestly don't want you to back down and say believe what you want I WANT you to argue for your beliefs. Stand up for what you believe, CONVINCE ME! I mightn't change my opinion but I will respect you if you can argue your point. I'm adept at playing devils advocate, I'm going to toss logic at you. I'm not trying to change your believes but make you THINK about WHY you believe that I want you to be very sure you can maintain your faith. I want you to KNOW you're right, be so certain in your convictions that there is no doubt. As a student I want to try everything. I want to explore all subjects and I want to twist and mould them under my fingers. I think of knowledge like play-doh. It's solid but mobile, tangible, shapable. I want to experience subjects from all angles and know things to their deepest degree. I want to understand art. I want to analyse poetry and learn about the creators. I want to know the lives behind artists, politians, explorers. I want to know how the people who came before me did it. I want to learn from the people who succeeded in living their dreams and I want to know every step they took on their path. Ok, so that's the exercise done I guess. I've actually surprised myself having much stronger ideas of what I want then I thought I would when I read the questions. I didn't think I knew, but I guess I do. *chuckles* Anyone else feel like doing the exercise? |
 Log in to Leave Feedback |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
I'll let you know when I get it done.