Well, it's been awhile since my last entry. I've had various things going on IRL (like looking for a job, my foot getting run over, going to A-Kon, etc.), but I honestly haven't felt like writing in awhile. I've been focusing solely on translating (the field I'm going to work in). It's hard to write when you're worried about making ends meet.

I think I will continue to write, even as a hobby. I've heard professional writers don't get paid that much anyway, which is sad because it's such fucking hard work. I once had a college professor tell me that if I wanted to be a writer soley for money then I should look for another career because writers don't get paid jack shit. I mean, she encouraged me to write, but she made it clear that writing was not very profitable (she was a published romance author, BTW).

I think I'll feel better once I get a job.
 

Well, I thought I'd have a simple, fun entry for a change of pace, so here it goes.

Some of my favorite books (no particular order)

A Clockwork Orange (Anthony Burgess)
Brave New World (Aldous Huxley)
The Earthsea Trilogy (Ursula K. LeGuin)
1984 (George Orwell)
The Elric Saga (Michael Moorcock)
Napalm & Silly Putty (George Carlin)
The Joy Luck Club (Amy Tan)
The Tattoer (Junichiro Tanizaki)
The Shadow Over Innsmouth (H.P. Lovecraft)
The Day He Himself Shall Wipe My Tears Away (Kenzaburo Oe)
Hard-boiled Wonderland and the End of the World (Haruki Murakami)
The Hunchback of Notre Dame (Victor Hugo)
America: The Book ("The Daily Show")
Master of the Etrax (Robert Lory) (Very obscure!)
Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark Series (Alvin Schwartz)
 

Hooray! Somebody finally commented on "Cold Day in Spring"! They said it turned them on and made them want to vomit; that was exactly what I was aiming for! Yay for me and thank you dreamer , you're very brave! ;)

Speaking of "Cold Day in Spring," I'm busy writing the "sequel". Eventually, I'd like to write a whole novel about Leddos and all the horrible things he gets away with. It would begin when he leaves home to work as a Torturer and probably end with his marriage. I intend it to be a commentary on how society both permits and perpetuates violence, and of course, it will be both sexy and nauseating. As I said before, I love writing about sex, and I refuse to tone it down for the reader. This novel won't be for everybody, but I guess that's okay.
 

Man, I wish someone would rate "Cold Day in Spring." I need validation, dammit. Hmm, maybe people don't like the whole rapist thing. That's too bad, I guess.

Sometimes it's hard for me to write about the darker side of human nature because I think that people will be disgusted by it, or worse, that they just won't get what I'm trying to say. But then I always remind myself that Kenzaburo Oe's stories aren't all beer and skittles, and H.P.Lovecraft certainly never, ever wrote about flowers and happy stuff. I'm not trying to whine, I'm really not, but it's hard to write dark, dirty stuff because you never know how the readers will react.

Thinking about this always reminds me of an introduction I once read by Stephen King that really helped me understand why I focus on certain subject matter. In the introduction to "Night Shift," a collection of his short stories, King talks about how certain things get caught in his mind and he feels compelled to write about them. After I read this, I didn't feel bad about focusing on adult subject matter. To be perfectly honest, to some extent, I don't give a shit what people think of my work. Don't get me wrong, I want it to be good and I want people to enjoy reading it, but I'm not going to write in a happy ending just because dark and dirty subject matter isn't popular. Fuck popularity and fuck happy endings.

In fact, now that I think about it, I don't think I could ever write a happy ending. I've tried before, but it always feels weird and inappropriate. I can't explain it any better than that. It just feels really out of place. Then again, a lot of times my fiction itself just seems out of place. That being said, though, I'd still rather write what I feel instead of what someone else wants.

 

I'll start with a nice little introduction.

I've been writing since I was about 13, but it's taken me several years to cultivate my style and gain a decent grasp of the English language. I enjoy writing prose much more than poetry. Prose is really my strong suit, and most of the time, poetry just doesn't convey my emotions properly. Don't get me wrong, I love reading poetry. My favorite poem is A.E.Housman's "To an Athlete Dying Young." I love his subtle, haunting imagery and his sarcastic tone. Alas, as much as I would like to say that I'm a brilliant, poignant poet like Housman, I am not. Don't get me wrong, I like to write poetry, just not a lot of it.

Which brings me to my next point: I am a perfectionist. Everything I write must be constructed in precisely the correct way so as to convey my thoughts and feelings. Anything less is bad, wrong, and somehow incomplete. Over time, I've just learned to let certain things go and not obsess over perfection, but it can be quite difficult.

My last point is that I love writing about notions of gender and sexuality, particularly rape and the loss of innocence. You'll sometimes see me discuss these kinds of things here in blunt, unapologetic language. This is the reason I rated this journal 18+. That, and I plan to drop a few f-bombs just to make fun of the fact that any item with one use of the word "fuck" automatically gets an 18+ rating. I plan on earning my 18+ rating, Goddammit. The reason that I didn't choose the GC rating was that 1)I want this journal to be accessable to everyone, and 2)I don't plan on discussing sex all the time, in explicit detail. With the 18+ rating, I feel that I have carte blanche to use words like "rape," "abortion," and "penis" without having to worry about substituting them with phrases like "forced intercourse," "pregnancy termination," and "weewee" for those of you who are easily offended. Let's put it this way: if you don't know where babies come from, you will after you've read this journal!