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Behold, do you see me? Do you remember who I am?
Forgive me father for I have sinned, it has been 2 years, 347 days since my last confession. You know my story up to a point father. You know of my heartbreak, my depression, my pain, my attempts to handle it, but allow me to tell you some more.
Not long after my last entry I had a dream, and as some of you may remember I hold stock in dreams. In my dream Dee came to me and said that she was ready to be serious and wanted me to share her life. I smiled and want to pat her on the head like you would a petulant child. I told her, I don't need you anymore; I turned and walked away without looking back. I have rarely thought of her since. Shortly after something miraculous happened.
Someone once told me they hoped I had a happy ending, I told them that there are no happy endings.
Who has egg on their face now?
It's been almost five years since I put my life story to BLOG, but those of you who remember me and my story, may recall my regaling you about the first girl I had a crush on. Little Ann Marie. She of long red hair and freckles, running and giggling in a white dress that was more my imagination, than fact.
I met up with her again, not more than a few weeks after my last BLOG entry. We started dating not long after. I am now a father to three children not my own, and she is my fiancé. She knows my past and the pain I've suffered, but she accepts me as I am, flaws and all. And really isn't that what love is? She is my other half. Our wedding is planned for sometime in October.
I have moved from Virginia to North Carolina.
Our birthdays are eight days apart. For her birthday I surprised her with a bed and breakfast weekend in Asheville, NC. We have a five bedroom suite and the entire third floor to ourselves. On Saturday we had a private bluegrass concert. Before the concert we visited the Biltmore and I proposed to her in the garden.
Our oldest is 19 and starting his second year of college. The next will be 18 in a few days and soon starting her first year of college. I dote on her and am fiercely protective of her. She is my baby girl. The youngest is 12, he's a handful. We have two dogs.
I haven't suffered from a bout of depression in almost three years. Ann seems to be in tune with my feelings and on days that are cloudy for me, no matter how much the sun shines outside. She seems to know, and makes me talk about it. I feel like she is what I've been searching for my whole life. She is the happiness that I've missed. When I tell her that I wish I had found her when I was going through my darkest times, she just smiles and says, but then we wouldn't have now. She is so smart.
I still write from time to time and I am looking to do so more now. I am getting ready to start college, all at the age of almost 40. lol. Ann stands behind me and tells me that everything is okay now, I can write, I do have talent, and I have a story to tell, I just have to find it.
She is my angel and I place her on a pedestal above all others.
I changed my handle back to SolitaryMan, so that I can look at that name and remember my past issues. I don't want to repeat them.
The moral of the story is, yes Virginia there is love out there. In time it will find you.
May my words have found you with happiness in your own life. I hope most of you are still here. I'm sure we will speak again. It's good to be home.
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