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| >> Campfire Creative >> Editorial >> Satire >> ID #1241257 |   |
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| [Introduction]
------------------------------------- These authors have to be the funniest, most innovative, and downright talented writers that we have seen around here in a coon's age. Satire Central just might be coherent enough to be present for a long time to come.” ~~Reviews For A Dollar~~ ------------------------------------- Jive Talkin' (If you enjoyed any of these authors' comments, be sure and check out their ports) Jason Goldstein   lenny666 emmyloo Danno Zay  Mae |
 Danno  Damn... I forgot what I was going to say... it kind of pisses me off, because I’m pretty sure that it was fairly profound... (but don’t worry... I’ll be as unfathomed as I ever was in the very near future). And this campfire was instituted on April 1st... how apropos... *grin* I didn’t forget a very talented writer from the somewhat wacky country of Ireland... if you get the chance, check out his port and you’ll see what a witty and talented writer he really is... without further ado... ﻝames Joseph Emerald ... Sup. (TAA-DAA!) And what do you mean 'wacky'? If anything, your country's the wacky one... In fact, I was thinking long an hard about the most controversial, infuriating, response-generating topic I could possibly discuss... and so I picked America (second place was necropedophilia, but I thought that might be a bit insensitive to all you necropedophiliacs out there... in case you're reading this...) Now, the following opinions may not be true, in the strict sense of the word, but it's what is believed about you... and I think that's more important than what IS true, in a way. Like Danny said - I'm Irish. I'm an outsider. And I know a lot of people (as all us charming Irish lads do ;P). For one thing, nobody likes America. The degrees of hatred, and the reasons are varied, but a Merick-lover is a very rare thing in Europe. Now, the Iraq War is an obvious reason - or the Vietnam War before it - and is bound to generate resentment towards the States. It's understandable, but not justifiable - I'm guessing the average American isn't out for Iraqi blood, and if they are, they're probably the 'IRA/Drunken Paddies' of America (in other words, they're the people who define the stereotypes - the extremists) But that's the odd thing - most Americans don't realise just how much the rest of the world hates them. In Europe, Americans are portrayed as either clueless nationalists/redneck idiots (a good example is the 'Borat' movie), or shallow consumerists (obsessed with cosmetic surgery, diets "that you can live with" and books labeled "Zen and the art of choosing a nice purse" - the kind of stuff you see on 'Fox News'). On the more basic, individual level, Americans are thought of as "easy to dupe" (i.e. unobservant; needing things to be spelled out for them before they catch on - which, for the most part, they are...) but ultimately friendly. You might play a joke or two on them, but you wouldn't engage them in fisticuffs just because of their nationality (The English, on the other hand... everyone loves a good Brit-bashing...) That should paint a picture of the overall stereotypical view of Americans. But probably the three most hated aspects associated with American society are: a) their national narcissism - as a culture, Americans appear to only care about America (which I think is rather true), and expect foreign nationals to shun their own heritage and become more 'American'. At least within the E.U. - the land of international mingling - this concept is found to be shocking. b) the idea of America as 'World Police'. Most people see them as the bullies in the playground, beating up the other kids for their lunch money (I'm sorry to say that analogy is not my own... brilliant though it may be) c) their opulence. I have to say, this is one thing I agree with. Ireland is considered one of the richest countries on the planet, and for the same price as my house, I could get one in America that's 5 times the size, complete with swimming pool (in Arizona, at least). Americans complain about rising gas prices, but over here gasoline has cost nearly triple what it has in the States for the last 20 years. Yet everyone over there is panicking. Most Americans don't seem to realise how lucky they have it. And that's not even touching on the political scene, which is probably THE biggest reason why you should try to avoid hanging up American flags outside of America - it's like painting a target on your car/window/back/wherever else. (And I'm sure someone will do just that if you leave it there long enough). In closing; I'm not a hater. I'm actually half-American - my mom is 100% Merick, and I was born in Ohio. I'm just saying, right or not, a LOT (talking 95%) of Europeans (if not the whole world outside of America) dislikes America as a country, a society and a concept. Maybe not individual Americans, but the country as a whole. (Hmm, hope I didn't meander around too much... or offend anyone, I guess... I'm getting tired...) Emmyloo Agreed, then. Americans suck. Next topic?Actually, I do agree with many of your points, particularly the American sense of entitlement. We all believe we should have large houses, with 2 or 3 cars, and perhaps a nice boat for weekend jaunts. If we grow up middle class, we figure our standard of living shouldn't change once we leave our parents' homes and start off on our own. That's why we're all so far into credit card debt. On a side note, I don't know if you can really compare a house in Ireland to one in Arizona since housing markets vary so wildly in America. My house (in a rural part of Michigan) would be worth twice as much if I moved it just a few hours south (where it's only rural-ish). Your point about gasoline prices is valid, but I suspect the average American drives a lot more than the average European. We're such an immense country that we've spread ourselves out from the cities and into suburbs, so many of us drive outrageous distances to and from work. I've had jobs with 60-mile commutes one way, and that's fairly common over here. I find the American stereotype above fascinating. It definitely captures a certain aspect of a certain type of American. Honestly, I think the rest of the world gets their idea of "America" from our pop culture, which is pretty scary. Are we overconsumers? Yes, but not as much as Gwen Stefani videos would have you think. And FoxNews... Blech. There's definitely a huge portion of the country that agrees with the FoxNews pundits, but most of us are at least a little more moderate (and some of us would gouge out our own eyes if you turned it to that station.) In conclusion, heck if I know why we're so messed up. I agree that America is hugely flawed in many ways. Yet... if you ask any American what they think of this country, they'll bitch for about a half hour about the politics and the healthcare and the economy and the unemployment rate and their mothers-in-law and their ingrown toenails, and anything else that comes to mind, yet if you offered any of us the chance to leave the country for good, I don't think you'd find many takers. Danno Well, on your final note, my young and talented scribe, I think I would leave the country for good, if only for the change in geography. I've spent a bit of time in Mexico, and I could easily see myself living there, notwithstanding their politics. Canada and Europe come to mind as well. In my not-so-humble viewpoint, life is but a collection of experiences and emotions... I guess Americans (or those who can afford it) have a point in a sense; they've earned their money, and they should be able to do with it whatever they please. They can purchase gas-guzzling SUVs (then complain about the prices at the pump), go to their doctors for myriads of anti-depressants, anti-diarrhea medications, and Viagra, and then stop off at the local fast-food emporium to get the latest in grease-laden, calorie-intensive, and basically nutrition-free food. As for Fox News (and the Reilly Report), I make it a point not to watch those programs... then again, I make it a point not to watch hardly any programs, but that's just me... As for everyone hating Americans, I simply believe that it has become fashionable to abhor the United States. And that has been the case for quite some time now. I mean, we make it so easy. Surely, our foreign policy in the Middle East has a little bit to do with it. I wrote a piece about seven years ago titled "My Take on 9/11" . It touches upon a few of these very same topics... (I thought it rather prescient...=-)I didn't have an answer then, nor do I have an answer now... (Is anyone aware of the percentage of world resources that the US uses? I know it's up there, but I haven't the exact figure...) Jacklyn I can do you one more on the television programming. I don’t have one. So anything that has to do with so-called programming I rid myself of that refuge. Fox News…would be “Fox who?” to me. I also have Dial-up internet…sad but true. Yes to an extent, I live in Red-Neck territory.As for my take on Americans, I, being a mutt myself (mixture of several cultures), believe we are spoiled rotten brats. “Oh no I said it”. We have it all and complain about everything. Don’t get me wrong I love my country, been a member all my life. Come-on though, gas prices, unemployment and all the above mentioned. We complain. Do we fix it? In my view, as individuals we try, together as a whole we lack. Everyone jumps on the bandwagon at first, then they have to co-operate with others. Capitalist like to boss, not follow. For policing the rest of the world, we can’t even police L.A. why should we think we could fix someone else. Didn’t we (countries united) create these supposedly great things; like all the acronyms, U.N, NATO, all those “groups” we don’t seem to pay attention to our membership. We try to lead other countries in our ways, they are so new to us, how can we justify pushing our system that we only enacted 200 some years ago. I think “we” should work the bugs out first. From George Washington to George Bush, our history shows bugs. On our resources usage, I really shouldn’t start. I’m typing on one of the most wasted consumer products in the U.S. I still love my Country…I do have the freedom to say or write, what I think, right or wrong. (For now) See typical American, complain, complain, but wouldn’t trade it. Any additions? Danno Okay, here’s the final installment on the Anti-American thing... (he says rather definitively)I don’t think it’s so much about Americans, but it’s about America, which is the entity instituting all of those policies that are hated worldwide. But going back to Americans... sure, not every one of us is without fault; in fact, I know quite a few boneheads on a first-name basis. I’m sure all of us here do. But what about the rudeness of the French, the drunken alcoholism of the Irish, the misogyny of the Middle Eastern countries, and the apathy of the Canadians? (not to mention the bad teeth of the English... although I realize I just did). And speaking of terrorism... jeez, the Irish had one of the first terrorist groups in the modern era, aka the I.R.A., that helped make terrorism an acceptable political ploy. Were they an honorable group in your opinion? And, as bad as America might be, we don't have Catholics killing Protestants, and vice versa... what's that about? Back to Americans... do you think that the majority of Americans wants to be the world’s policeman? Most of the people that I’m familiar with do not, yet the “powers that be” (read: republicans) seem to want to pursue that rather lofty and unattainable goal. Americans, democracy that they live in, still have virtually no say over what politicians choose to do. I think a big part of the Middle East problem is certain legislators need to enact revenge for 9/11. Do you realize how bad that made them look? Not to mention the American intelligence community. And "world's policeman" isn't exactly a new thing... most of the world looked to America for guidance (and aid) post-World War I. And WW II. And as easy as it may be to blame America for the bulk of the world’s problems, it simply is not the case. Our power only reaches so far... Whomever is next (except for Lenny; I'd like the group to hear his astute thoughts on the topic; if I recall correctly, he comes from a neighborhood that was heavily Irish *and* Catholic), choose a new topic at your discretion... lenny666 Hello there all, kudos to everyone for your excellent posts. Bio info: 40-ish Typical White Male, half Irish (the good half) with some Portuguese and Polack thrown in for flavor. Not married, but accepting applications. As an American, I am obliged to issue the standard patriotism disclaimer: Best Country Ever. That said, America 2007 is a morally bankrupt, direction-less mass of wild contradictions. The rampant hypocrisy is so overwhelming it barely merits any notice whatsoever. Obviously, there are plenty of individual Americans who qualify as good, decent, upstanding folk, but collectively, the average American experience means you play the game. That game is simple, you stomp, kick, punch and kill whatever you have to in order to grab the green. Nothing else matters and anyone who feels differently is immediately dubbed a "loser". Compassion, benevolence and any kind of thought not related to "business" is indicative of weakness, a lack of killer instinct. Small wonder that the rest of Planet Earth has come to fear and dread us. Our alleged "leadership" consists of a lot of heavily armed, profiteering yahoos beholden to a "political system" that rewards dishonesty and deceit and of course, profits above all else. We almost never stop reminding the entire world that no life matters more than the lives of AMERICANS, no exceptions. Need our help? No problem, unless you happened to veer from our policy on any given issue. Do that, and you're dead to us, like the French. We don't really care what you think, anyway, until we need your natural resources, or more combat fodder. Yes, I can see how the rest of the world might find us to be a bit overbearing. I must confess that due to recent personal issues involving the American Dream, I am currently even more cynical and disillusioned than ever, which is saying something. It's not that it's all bad here in America, but it definitely could be better. OK, enough of my annoying liberal America bashing. If I don't stop soon, I'll have Ann Coulter on my ass (and that's a painful notion indeed). On a lighter note, a question for the Irish Fool above, if I may. Here on the East coast, there are indeed many people who claim an Irish heritage. Upon reaching a certain age, some of these irish-Americans seem to feel obligated to visit "the ole country" to do the whole lush, green rolling hills touristy thing. My question: do the natives view these types with disdain, or with amusement? I'd think they'd be positively ripe for a good old fashioned fleecing, no? Do American tourists tread lightly on the Emerald Isle, or is it like just another Disneyland to them? Just wondering, as I know several people who've made the trip and I'd like the impression from the other side. They mostly claim to have loved it, although they all complain that the taverns close too early. Until next time... Jacklyn Sorry for the interruption, I'm having some home drama to deal with. My eldest just got accepted to a four year University, first in the family. Now the fun begins; Financial Aid, Grants, Loans all the good stuff.Next up on the drama list, CHINS petition with a foster child that has been through some rough times. Good kid, just got lost in the shuffle. Sorry to time out, but I will be back. I'm interested to find out about the Taverns in the Emerald Isle. Emmyloo Ah, thanks Lenny. Your input was definitely worth the wait. You also made me realize we never introduced ourselves. I'm Ami, 33, married, liberalish, mother of three, your typical American housewife and stay-at-home mom. Danny was one of the first kindred spirits I happened upon when I joined WDC a few years ago. If you really want to irritate him, I suggest emoticons. They drive him crazy:    I'm also Irish (about 63.25%, give or take), with a dash of Welsh, Scottish, and German thrown into the mix. I visited England and Scotland for a few weeks, and never did figure out tavern etiquette. Irish beer sounds especially good now that Jacklyn's introduced the topic of student loans. (Congratulations on your eldest's upcoming collegiate adventure.) Danno Okay, okay... isn't it tops how the members are *so* chummy here.../=-) And no Emmy, I don't actually hate emoticons... it's just that the people who use them tend to get on my nerves...=-) I was also going to bring a last point up concerning the last campfire: most of the Americans that you'll see in Ireland or Europe are either upper-crust Americans or drunken college students, again. probably upper-class... certainly not representative of your average middle-class Yank... New Topic Should the government decriminilize and/or legalize prostitution? Please support your answers... (Okay, bio-info: forty-ish, atypical white male, have lived in Maryland, Arizona, Alabama, Delaware, West Virginia, and in less than two weeks, Ohio...) I'm really a 14 year old prodigy doing this for a humanities class... ﻝames Joseph Emerald Hmm, I'd really like to write a 20,000 word argument rebuking every word that was made in the past week (particularly the comments on the IRA and consumerism), but I hafta say I'm a little afraid that Nazi Dan will show his ugly face... I will answer Lenny's question though: To a certain degree, Americans are made fun of. But it's never in a bad way - any and all Americans (in fact, pretty much anyone) who comes to Ireland will have a great time, particularly because of the Irish attitude. "Do what you want, so long as the craic is good" - that's the Irish motif. ('craic' meaning 'fun', pronouncing 'crack'). There's just one thing that most Irish people will find annoying - Do NOT call yourself Irish, unless you can walk the walk and talk the talk. Irishmen are very proud people, and enjoy their national identities immensely - the whole idea of the Irish being fun, charming and witty is one of the very things that drives us to be like that.* There's nothing more irritating, then, than having a brightly-coloured, American tourist (complete with over-sized sunglasses and bulky camera hanging from their necks) walk into a bar and proclaim in that nasal voice "Ah'm 33.333333% Aiirish, ya'll." * To add to that point - that's one of the main differences between Ireland and America. The American Dream is to be rich and successful, the Irish Dream is to be the most well-liked lad in town. Most Americans grow up hearing things like "You can do anything if you believe in yourself" and "You're special, unique, an individual", as for the Irish... it's more like "Skinned yer knees, didje lad? C'mere an' we'll pour some salt over it. Don' worry... it won't hurt. Oi, quit squirmin' ya lil fecker!" One more little kernel of knowledge for you, concerning pubs (Okay, two. First is, they're not called "taverns". Nobody calls it a tavern. This isn't the bloody Dark Ages...) which is this: If there's ever anyone playing Traditional Irish Music in a bar, and they finish a song, don't clap - that is such a touristy thing to do. Just nod your heads, and if you really liked it, order all the musicians another round of beer. Now, hookers, eh? Simple: If it's legal, it's controllable. Desperate women will always be selling themselves for money (even some not-so-desperate ones). However, if you make it legal - albeit discourage it, just like stripping or working tech support - then you can make sure all the working girls get proper healthcare, have a supply of condoms, have protection/insurance against rapists and murderers, all that stuff. Right now, the government seems happy enough to turn a blind eye to these desperate poor girls simply by saying "Ooooh, I don't know. We don't wanna advocate illicit activity. Better let them all die..." lenny666 Thanks for the input regarding Ireland, I knew you'd call me out about calling them "taverns" as soon as I typed it. Got to love those colloquialisms. They're all called "bars" around these parts. They used to stay open until 3AM every night, too, until some nutty preacher came into town and made a big stink about it. If you're from out of town and in need of some good crack, I would recommend Newark, or maybe Camden. Ditto prostitutes. Just keep the car windows rolled up and the doors locked and you'll do fine. You could also take a nice day trip to Atlantic City for all your one-stop crack and prostitute shopping needs, within blocks of all major hotel-casinos! New Jersey has it all and we're only minutes from N.Y.C. I've always kind of wondered why prostitution was illegal in the first place. It seems that it's because "it always was". Some kind of "morality" based reasoning, I guess. It seems silly to me, whether it's technically "prostitution" is based solely on when and how the transaction takes place. If the agreement is hammered out before the act, it's illegal. However, paying for it without agreeing to any kind of explicit terms beforehand is called "dating" and it's completely legal. I think that if it were legalized or de-criminalized here in America, there'd be a huge, loud, hysterical public outcry about the decaying morals of a decadent and depraved nation. Much would be made about the impact of legal prostitution on our children. Various states and cities throughout the country would immediately pass strongly-worded bills through their local legislatures forever banning all forms of the sinful sex trade in their fair hamlet. The television talking head pundits would fulminate to the point of apoplexy while calling for the deportation of all registered Democrats to begin at once. Everyone would once again completely forget about how we celebrate sex in virtually every walk of life, except when it comes to this issue of the day. Then, everything would be...pretty much the same as it is right now. A few high-end elite-type escort services would go legit and make a killing while servicing society's upper classes. Most women will be unable or unwilling to submit to registering themselves as sex workers with any kind of governmental agencies, so they will simply go underground and work "illegally" just like they do now. The illegal prostitution trade would continue to flourish just like it does in Nevada, where it's legal in some places but not in others. Plus you'd still have the same ubiquitous streetwalkers in the same places they occupy now, but that's tied in with the illegality of drugs as well, where the gray areas of the victimless criminal underground start to overlap. The point is, "illegal" prostitution would still exist and the profit it generates would still find its way into the same hands as it does now. There's always going to be a certain stigma associated with prostitution, no escaping it. Thus it will always be a shadowy sort of trade that some, while willingly participating, might not otherwise especially want to be associated with it on paper. So I don't think a heavily monitored sort of legalization would work very well. An alternative idea that I would personally favor would be to simply legalize it, as in "it's not a crime at all anymore". Obviously there'd be a need for ordinances regarding the "where's and when's" but otherwise, just legalize it and let the chips fall where they may. I think it would prove to be the most practical and least exploitative option in the long run. Barring some kind of incredible governmental overhaul that makes my current distrust obsolete, of course. Radical ideas for radical times. Legalize all victim less crimes, the War Against Hedonism was lost along time ago and the endorphins won. The vast majority of us are no better than whores anyway, we all sell our bodies in one way or another for the same reason most prostitutes do. What kind of hypocrite would I be if I were to judge them? A big stinking one, that's what kind. I've done degrading, demeaning things while surrounded by weirdos all day for a hell of a lot less money than even a moderately priced Atlantic City escort gets in an hour. I say free our wage-slave sisters from the tyranny of The Man and let them pursue their living unfettered. Jacklyn Wow, subjects sure do change quickly around here. I guess a little more bio after dropping the where the hell did she come from would be in order. Let’s see, I am a 33.3% Irish, just kidding…I guess if I have to nail down a national mixture I would have to say I am mostly French Canadian, Mohawk Indian, German, Spainsh and I married an Irishman. I speak three, almost four, languages all poorly. I have lived in Washington state all my life, in the same small town. I am a 33 to 36 year old female, stay-at-home mom with 2 biological children and being the bleeding heart that I am….any kids that need a home, or the court sends to me are welcome for a limited time. That should do it. Oh wait, I have this nagging disability thing where I can’t digest food properly. There that should do it.Prostitution Legalize. Personally, I believe a male or female has the right to do what they want with their body and minds. Governments and Religions should stick to what they are put in place for. If someone could help me out in exactly why they stick their long noses in where they don’t belong I’d appreciate it. I don’t like the idea of what happens when the Government gets involved. No one should be made to prostitute just because you are currently seeking employment and that is the only job opening. One should always have the right to turn down employment they deem them morally wrong. Sorry this only applies to body selling not jobs at the local McDonalds. I believe I read about this happening in Germany when they made prostitution a legal occupation; something about a woman turning down a prostitution job and losing her government benefits or something like that. I don’t believe our moral fabric of our society would be ruined if legalized. It happens everyday, every hour of every day, sex happens, paid for or not. If contracts are put in order prior to a “dating” situation and all parties know what is expected, why not? Might even cut down on the current trend of selling yourself as a “rape” victim to the media, not that some claims aren’t perfectly legit; believe me there I see plenty of victims but the media blitz it is unnecessary, demeaning to both, and usually boils down to money. If both parties knew what to expect from the “date” compensation could be passed and transaction complete, you are on a “dream date”. Life is good, next subject. Thanks for the Pub advice, I’ll be sure not to applaud if I ever make it to Ireland….. Emmyloo I'm actually 63.55% Irish (I forgot to carry the "3").No, I don't believe prostitution should be legalized. I don't think it's right, legal or otherwise. It happens, and it always will, but I think involving the government would worsen the situation, just as it has in countries with legalized prostitution. Yes, it works on a small scale in Nevada, but approving it everywhere would require a massive, taxpayer-funded infrastructure. - Legalized prostitution would not empower women, because women are not the ones in control over their bodies -- the pimps are (or, if it's legalized, the "employers.") I'm envisioning a Wal-mart with a designated prostitution area (perhaps between the vision care center and the nail salon). What if one of the customers beats up the prostitute? Would Wal-mart kick them out, or apologize and explain their "the john is always right" philosophy? My money's on the latter. - What about sexually transmitted diseases? Yes, they could be regulated and tested, but even Nevada fails to test for genital herpes and scabies. - Prostitutes regularly get the shit beaten out of them. Why? Gee, probably because the "customer" doesn't value the woman's body, and thinks of it solely as a commodity to be purchased, used and discarded. - The infidelity (and divorce) rates in this country, both of which are already depressingly high, would skyrocket even further if it became acceptable to head to the corner market for a quickie. - Legalizing prostitution perpetuates the male fantasy that women want to be prostitutes. Why? Because they're hot, slutty babes who just really love sex (especially with you -- yes, you! right now!). In reality, women become prostitutes as a last resort, usually because: 1) they're drug addicts and will do anything to get money for a fix; and 2) they were sexually abused as children (I think the stat is something like 90%), and have abnormal views of normal sexuality and no self-respect or sense that their body is not something to barter. Legalizing prostitution would legitimize it as a profession and encourage young women to pursue it as a line of work. It might sound enticing to an 18-year-old, because she's not seeing the sexually-transmitted-disease-ridden woman washed up at the age of 28. My guess is she would find that legalization would not remove the stigma of being a whore in today's society. Danno Well, while not matching the eloquence and elan of my prestigious colleagues, I will say this:I happen to fall on both sides of this particular issue. On the one hand, I fall prey to that kneejerk Libertarian response, which is "Hey! It's her body! Let her do with it what she wants..." After all, it is the oldest profession. And then, our little naive Emmy states that legalized prostitution would undermine the very moral fabric of our society...(like she would know...=-) Thing is, I tend to agree. It seems to me that it goes on enough in reasonably large cities. For instance, if you wanted to locate a certain "commodity", I don't think you'd have a lot of problems... whoever is up to changing the topic, do so at your leisure... ﻝames Joseph Emerald - Legalized prostitution would not empower women, because women are not the ones in control over their bodies -- Would Wal-mart kick them out, or apologize and explain their "the john is always right" philosophy? My money's on the latter.Currently, no, they are not. Because since prostitution is illegal, that means the only protection prostitutes have are their pimps, and the pimps then own their souls. But if prostitution was legalised, pimping wouldn't exist any more. Instead, working girls would have full rights to police security: The reason people treat 'ho's badly is because they figure there are no repercussions - it's not like they can go to the police. And no prostitute would ever call the cops unless it was an absolute last resort. - What about sexually transmitted diseases? Yes, they could be regulated and tested, but even Nevada fails to test for genital herpes and scabies. Nevada's a small state. With full government funding who knows what conditions would be like? - Prostitutes regularly get the shit beaten out of them. Why? Gee, probably because the "customer" doesn't value the woman's body, and thinks of it solely as a commodity to be purchased, used and discarded. Like I said - if the threat of being put in jail for 10+ years was constantly looming over your head, you might think twice. Maybe we should make walking outside illegal, because there's a chance someone might randomly stab you to death... - The infidelity (and divorce) rates in this country, both of which are already depressingly high, would skyrocket even further if it became acceptable to head to the corner market for a quickie. Not really. Like Danny said: If someone's looking for a prostitute, they'll find one. Every city has at least a couple, and they're always easy to spot... The difference is, the "corner market" is brightly lit, complete with security cameras and burly personnel. Whereas the alleys are dark. Lonely. Dangerous. - Legalizing prostitution perpetuates the male fantasy that women want to be prostitutes. Not really. Prostitution is an extreme choice for girls and women who don't have anything else. But just because they need money, and were abused, why does that automatically mean they should be scorned by society? Hell, I know tonnes of women who'll bang just about anyone for free, and they wouldn't be regarded as lowly as someone with little or no choice in the matter. But the point of legalisation isn't to encourage it, it's to prevent death and disease. You could have plenty of campaigns about not doing it (along with smoking, drink-driving, unprotected sex, etc.), but actually making it a crime completely alienates the people you should be trying to help. There's no way a prostitute will seek your aid if she thinks she'll be put in jail afterwards... Anyway, a new topic, eh? How about... Political Correctness? In other words: Saying 'Happy Holidays' instead of 'Merry Christmas'; calling black people 'African Americans' even though they've never even been to Africa or America (my friend's constantly bitching about that); calling French fries 'Freedom fries' because the French wouldn't offer support in Iraq, etc. That's always a fun topic... lenny666 Well, the politically correct response on the prostitution question would be, I don't want to see anyone go to jail for it, nor do I wish to legitimatize exploitation. Too bad the real world is full of all these goddamned complications, the solutions are all so obvious on paper. In a perfect world no one would ever need to pay for it anyway and it'd all be irrelevant. I would attribute that "freedom fries" nonsense to simple xenophobia, American style. Hopefully Turkey remains an American ally, or we might be carving some America Bird on Thanksgiving Day. Speaking of politically correct and incorrect behavior, the big story right now in the local media around here regards a radio talk show host who made some derogatory comments about the appearance of members of a local women's college basketball team. There are marches and protests where weeping demonstrators are demanding his immediate resignation. The host in question is making the apology rounds, begging anyone willing to listen for forgiveness. It's a sad and pathetic spectacle. He made the unfortunate mistake of remarking that these female basketball players resembled a "bunch of nappy-headed ho's". So he managed to insult an entire race AND an entire gender simultaneously and even worse, he insulted black women in particular, which is something you do only if you are prepared to either duck or run and even then, your chances are not good. Of course, the above gag regarding African-American women is an example of a joke about a politically incorrect topic told in a humorous, non-offensive manner. So it can be done. The host in question is being publicly keelhauled, which serves him right for attacking a bunch of college girls like that. Who doesn't enjoy seeing a bully get their comeuppance? I've never found him entertaining, I don't listen to his show and frankly I don't care what happens to his career. If he didn't want to be labeled as "the racist shock-jock" he should have chosen his words more carefully. But the protests are equally as amusing. You think that given the reaction, these comments must have come from someone with great influence or power in our society instead of from a witless and barely notable radio show host. There are vigils and chants and around the clock coverage of this non-event like it represents some watershed moment in the history of fighting "hate speech" and I can't help but think that they're caring about this way more than is rational or healthy. The term, "politically correct" has itself become kind of redundant. It's almost synonymous with "no fun", you know? "The politically correct stand-up comedy stylings of...", "the politically correct new sitcom starring...", "the politically correct hip-hop act...". See what I mean? You'd instantly know that any of those hypothetical examples would suck. It almost as if the term was created by marketing people with the intent being to eventually use "politically INcorrect" as a kind of code meaning, "cool", "cutting edge", "uncensored". Political correctness is dull, boring and necessary, political incorrectness is dangerous and risky, but way more cool, hip and fun. But don't overdo it. I love America the contrary, even if it's politically correct to say so. Jacklyn I love political correctness, let me see, I think we have one African American in my entire town, I would imagine that it was an adoption. Just a guess due to skin tone of the parents; is that politically incorrect? Or do I have to call the child something else? We have a large population of Asian and Mexican heritage. I don’t call them Mexican Americans or Asian Americans. I think they know where they come from, if not, I don't believe it should be up to me to tell them. I think or don't think much about it. I think I'll skip this one. Danno Okay... first off, I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize for what I considered to be a rather subpar entry last time... No, let me explain... I'm currently on the road... kinda. It's starting to look like I've relocated to Ohio (pronounced a-HI-a by the locals) I think I might like it here... the reason for my temporary lack of profundity is my decided distaste for laptop computers Okay, a few final points on the legalized/decriminalized prostitution thing... If you legalized prostitution, it would involve taxation, mandatory STD checks, etc., which would inevitably lead to "black market" whores, where you would be taking your chances, but you wouldn't be subject to government interference... But on to the next topic... Hey Lenny... there was a program called Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher. I think it came on right after Nightline I believe it was around 2000. Not a bad show... I'm surprised that you weren't aware of that, Lenny... pop culture aficionado that you are. As far as politically correct goes, I think it is just a matter of what is or is not popular in those particular times. Take abortion, for instance... pre-1973, or pre-Roe v. Wade, abortion was basically a back-alley affair... now, depending on whom you ask, abortion has become either the savior of mankind or a popular choice of birth control. Before 1973, mentioning abortion was akin to using the f-word in mixed company. All in all, I don't believe I think much of the whole notion of political correctness... ﻝames Joseph Emerald The thing about political correctness, I think, is that it contradicts itself by its very nature.If there was really no difference between a white-skinned person and a brown-skinned person, then the issue of political correctness would never arise. Think of it like this: as long as 'nigger' is considered a highly offensive word to use in reference to an "African American", there will always be a divider between "English Americans" and "African Americans". As long as people hang on to that part of our history, it will never disappear. I mean, why is it that you can make fun of an Irishman and their alcoholism, but you can't make fun of a black dude for being black? Who decides? It's not like black people deserve that taboo any more than us - the reason we're known for always drinking beer, was because the English denied us clean water supplies, so we had to use alcohol to kill off the bacteria in whatever murky water we could find. Also, during the famine, when 75% of the Irish population either migrated or died, the Americans - who were basically just English at that time - would make fun of us for being so skinny (because we were basically starving to death due to poverty imposed upon us by the English, not by lack of food) (Actually, that's one of the primary reasons why St. Patrick's Day is such a big deal in the States - it was originally meant as an apology and celebration of the Irish community, since so many people in America were discriminating against them) The point is, we have the grounds to take to the streets and protest on any number of things, but we don't, 'cause let's face it - the weather sucks bollocks here, and we couldn't be arsed. And as a result, that's one less ethnic group you have to worry about offending. Where's the harm in that? I'm good friends with a black guy, and I usually refer to him as 'my nigger' in public (in jest, of course), and then we both laugh. It's obvious that we're friends. So why, then, do people give me odd looks? Why do people always look uneasy when AJ makes black jokes about himself? I dream of a time when skin colour is treated the same as hair colour or anything else, and people only take offense at personal attacks, rather than vague references to their 'race'... (And I'm just using 'black' as an example. This goes for everything: gay, retarded, native american, whatever) lenny666 Remember the radio host I mentioned in my previous post? Well, the day after that post, the governor of this fair state was on his way to meet with that very radio host when his mini-motorcade was in an accident allegedly caused by a driver who chose to flee the scene. The governor was, unfortunately, very badly injured in the incident. It's been a bad decade for the people who've held THAT job. The police began a state-wide manhunt for the suspected vehicle, which they located the following day. This is where is gets weird. After identifying the driver, who claimed to have no idea he was involved in any kind of accident, the police let him go without issuing any charges or citations. The reason given was that he was a "special needs" driver. I don't know exactly what this means, but I've felt slightly less safe ever since. I have many special needs, I wonder if I would qualify for one of these licenses? I don't really need the one that would permit me to run the governor (or any other elected official) off the road, the "no arrests or tickets" one would suffice for my needs. Personally speaking, I'd have no interest in living in an entirely "PC" society, as it would indicate a total lack of a collective sense of humor. As much as I dislike hate speech and ignorant rabble-rousing for its own sake, I just ignore that which offends me and so far that policy has worked out great. The media tends to latch onto "issues" like this and present us with two diametrically opposed "sides", one of which must be chosen. You're either all for it or completely against it. Here's today's new issue, now choose, where do you stand? It generates a lot of hostility and arguing but for those rational people somewhere in the middle regarding any random issue, it's merely bewildering and annoying, if you ask me. I always find it funny when it's revealed that a celebrity or public figure is (gasp!) an asshole in "real life", as if the percentage of celebrity assholes is any less than the asshole ratio of the public at large. In fact it's probably far higher, if anything. I'm veering off topic again. OK, as far as the dreaded and controversial "N-word" is concerned, I don't use it. I was raised in a household where racial slurs and profanity was strictly verboten, so i still tend to cringe when I hear "n****r". It is still a little hard to accept how it's become so commonly used as slang nowadays, regardless of the context. It's also a tad hypocritical to expect it to be used solely by those who perceive that it's their exclusive "property". While I can understand their argument, the folks responsible should have thought a little harder before letting that cat out of the bag, because it's not going back in anytime soon. Sure I know Bill Maher, he's the shorter, less funny version of Jon Stewart, right? I have to give him some credit, though, he was doing political humor before it became fashionable again a few years ago. He made some comments regarding U.S policies not long after 9/11 and he was crucified for it which given the climate at the time was not unexpected. Still, it did take some guts. So, should the mentally challenged be permitted to drive with total impunity? Or, do you share my opinion, which states that they already do and are in fact plentiful and if anything, need to be cracked-down upon? An issue we must truly look inward collectively as a society to solve, no? Because next time, it could be YOUR governor (or whatever they have in Ireland) that is injured next! Seriously now, new topic, anyone? Ladies? I'm trying to come up with one that isn't lame but I'm tapping a dry well here...little help? Jacklyn Sorry back to political correctness, I have an example of the extremity some go to remain politically correct. Our school district has decided to remove the Hatchet out of the Indian mascots hand and replace it with a diploma. Three years ago was the battle over the removal of the Indian mascot. This is in a school with a heavy Native American population. You would think they would approve. Hell no, they protested, the Indians remained. Now the Politically correct school board edited the mascot without the approval of the community. Hiring a graphic artist to update the artwork, the Hatchet was smoothly changed to a Diploma. Now at all sporting events we have a very menacing educated mascot. I love political correctness. O.K. New topic…It looks as if the girl in Australia lost a few teeth during a recent swim in the ocean. While being toed behind a boat on skies, the girl, (thirteen) was attacked in a shark-like fashion, by a sea lion. This actually surprised zookeepers who say that sea lions do not usually attack humans. She is in stable condition in the hospital. Wonder what kind of psychological damage that will do. No more swimming for Missy. Actually, my point is why is that surprising? They are wild creatures and we are in their domain. Why do we sensationalize the occurrences? Seems to lead to the destruction of more wildlife, territory and it turns into a vicious cycle. I know this is going to sound ridiculous, but in our town, we have a huge mosquito problem. City workers go from house to house and spray a chemical to rid the yard of the litter critters. Now on the outskirt of town, we had a dike keeping the river about a 500 yard distance from the main road, so what do the ecology people do to in theory to increase the Duck population? They break the dikes and flood the land that was a wetland fifty some years ago. Now, we have a swampland outside of the city, a bigger mosquito problem and now more chemicals. Flooding the land has now driven the Elk population inhabiting the land into the surrounding farmland. Farmers are now looking into a way to fence out the Elk. If successful I can see the Elk moving into town and then?? Rabid Elk attacks child in Lion like Fashion the headline will read. I want to meet these Theorist and introduce them to the man-eating mosquitoes’. Anymore 'when animals attack' stories?..  ..Sorry Danny had to. Emmyloo As far as PC stuff goes, I must admit I came of age during its heyday (and attended one of the most PC colleges in the United States), so it feels natural to me to use PC terms. I do get a certain visceral reaction when somebody uses terms like retard, and wouldn't do it myself, but it's not something that overly upsets me. I was, however, shocked when Jacklyn referred to the "dike keeping the river about a 500 yard distance from the main road..." Let's show a little sensitivity and refer to her as a lesbian, shall we? I'm not surprised at all about the attacks on humans. I've always thought sea lions were shifty creatures. Danno (A few footnotes...)“Nevada’s a small state...” Actually, it’s not a small state. It is one the larger U.S. states (with some of the country’s strictest drug laws, I might add... and I just did), and at 110,567 sq. mi., is easily over three times as large as Ireland (32,591 sq. mi.) ‘Nuff said. So, as I sit here waiting for Emmy to belly up to the campfire, I consider a new topic for the bonfire... At first thought, I think, “Naaw... I’m really not up to it. I’ve recently moved to Ohio, and I’m still trying to acclimate myself... (although I’m doing quite well, I must say...) I've been thinking... topics are too... constraining. So, from here on in, simply write what you want to. Be profound, be literary, be groundbreaking, be trendsetting... but most importantly... be yourself. Of course, you can be anyone if you like... remember, you're never alone if you're a schizophrenic... (now, if you feel the need to introduce a new topic, feel free... all I'm saying is that it's not mandatory) ﻝames Joseph Emerald Aww man. Anarchy sucks - eventually we'll hit on a topic that two or more of us don't agree on, and we'll be debating ad infinitum.Anyway, about animals and ecology: For one, Ireland is about the safest place to be with regards to animal attacks. The worst thing that could possibly happen to you is probably getting stung by a jellyfish, and even that's not lethal (unless you're allergic...), and can be avoided. That said, we have a terrible time with mosquitoes, midges, flies, wasps, bees, moths, foreign people, earwigs, and a whole manner of other annoying things that might be detrimental to your sanity and result in death. Still, nothing incredibly poisonous. Jacklyn's homophobia aside, I think she's right. If you screw with nature - make dolphins jump through hoops, etc. - eventually you're gonna get mauled/slashed/bitten/crushed/raped. However, I also believe that human beings and their constructions and machines are as much a part of nature as birds and their nests, or beavers and their dams. Species are getting wiped out by other species all the time, so why is it a big deal if we wipe one out? Personally, I think all these 'nature reserves' and such are unnatural - by trying to change the course of nature, it's almost like we're playing God. We should do what instinct tells us, just like the other animals, and accept what happens. Most likely we'll kill ourselves off, or meet some sort of downfall, and 'nature' will prevail. That's the cold, logical side of me talking. The softie in me wants to see us play God and save 'nature', though... lenny666 True story: just a week or so ago, a child here in NJ was attacked by a COYOTE of all things. Fortunately, the attack was repelled and the child was relatively unscathed (but no doubt highly traumatized). It was supposedly the first ever attempted child-snatching by a coyote in state history, at least according to those who keep track of such things.In response to the pleas of coyote-terrorized citizens, the state has agreed to pave the remaining square mile of unspoiled land, thus foisting the problem onto our neighboring states. We have a giant theme park here in Jersey which features a drive-thru safari/zoo kind of thing. You slowly drive along between fenced in areas containing all sorts of creatures who mostly wander about staring at the carloads of gawking humans with varying degrees of interest. The real highlight of the experience is, of course, the monkey section, where all sorts of real live monkeys will scamper all over your car, begging for treats from any human dumb enough to open the car window. They also take special delight in breaking antennas and in "leaving their mark" all over your car, which remarkably hasn't seemed to have damaged this attraction's popularity at all. Even more remarkably, this has been going on for many years and no one (human or monkey) has been killed. There was, however, a different drive-thru safari in N.J. where someone was killed, by a lion to be exact, sometime in the mid-70's. People took more risks back then in general, however. This attraction was abandoned a few years later and gave rise to many urban legends regarding wild ostriches and kangaroos running around in north Jersey. I'm more worried about being attacked by a wild fellow human than by any wild animal. Until the monkeys wise up and arm themselves (yes, like Planet Of The Apes), we're obviously the most lethal species there is. At least I have a fighting chance with a coyote, you know? Re: politically correct mascots. The football team here is known as the Bombers, which is a lot less politically correct than it used to be. Their logo used to feature a football player riding a big bomb a la Dr. Strangelove (seriously), but they caved and changed it to a plain old generic letter "B". Even the indi...er, native American holding the diploma is better than that. I miss the mad Bomber. Re: Nevada, the exact opposite of NJ, an enormous place containing relatively few people. Outside of the few cities, it's so huge and utterly empty that it's actually a bit menacing. I personally love it there and I can't wait to eventually retire to a remote part of that place and begin living like the hermit I was always destined to be. Plus I'd be able to drive to Las Vegas instead of enduring the whole annoying airport scene, which I find taxing to say the least. Topic-free is the way to be. Gotta love that free-form anarchy, breaking free of those repressive WdC templates and bursting forth with sheer unbridled enthusiasm...or something like that. Cool. Jacklyn So my spell check and my mind don't always work in tune. Sorry for 'dike' the correct spelling is DYKE..as in Dick Van... Actually as you can tell, I'll be the Schizo, sorry Emmy, what is P.C. for Schizo? 'Never heard of the thinking within the box.' What Box?Topics Topics, I have so many I don't know where to begin... Here is a bit of good news for you guys here... A new no-needle vasectomy creates little pain for the patient, according to a New York study. The procedure utilizes a jet injector, which sprays an anesthetic solution through the skin and around the vas using a high-pressure injector that patients have described as a "gentle snap of a rubber band" Which will solve the following problem. Women supplied with birth-control pills for emergency contraception had an equal chance of becoming pregnant as women with no pills, says a British study. See, if people would put two and two together, they could solve anything. Just work together people. The modern miracle of medicine. Re: Coytote, we have a pack in our backyard my backyard is about 10 acres, surrounded by forest, no lions. Thanks for the new phobia... Anarchy, now that is more like the campfires that I sit around. Kids with marshmallow on fire swinging sticks around.... Emmyloo Am I the only one sort of unmoved by the Virginia Tech shootings? Yes, I was greatly saddened, and I think it's a big tragedy, but I moved on fairly quickly. The loss of 32 students is terrible, but sheesh -- something like 230 people died in Iraq that day alone. The media has, predictably, turned it into a 24/7 news event, and today, thousands will attend services to honor the fallen students. On the one hand, I think that's a nice show of respect for their families, but I suspect the vast majority of mourners are those who just really get off on this sort of thing. Any thoughts? Danno I think those shootings are a mere "sign of the times", as it were. Put a 9 mm into a "mentally unstable" person's hands (yes, Sean... guns are far too easily had in the US), put them in the middle of a populated area, and... VOILA! You have mayhem... Incidentally (I don’t know why I started this sentence like that, but I’ve always wanted to do so), I think I’ve come up with a controversial new topic. Writing dot com: Is it a good thing or a bad thing? Or more to the point, has your writing gotten considerably better since you’ve arrived here? Considerably worse? Have you learned anything about writing and/or the mechanics thereof? And, probably most telling of all, has your writing output increased since arriving at WdC? I eagerly await your responses.... ﻝames Joseph Emerald Hmm... so many topics to crap on, so little time...Jet-injectors: Brilliant idea, stupid use. The whole idea of vasectomies just strikes me as bigoted. "Wee-haw! No more youngins fer me! Time ta start a-fuckin' everythin' I done see..." Seriously, is there any other practical reason for a vasectomy other than the excuse to have indiscriminate sex? I bet the operation itself costs the same as about 500 condoms. If you ask me, I'd rather keep the money and live with the risk of accidentally snapping your balls with a rubber... Safaris: Those things are just asking to result in maulings. As for coyotes - I always confuse them with hyenas for some reason... I know they have something to do with those Proper Americans (as opposed to you Fake Americans), but aside from that I haven't a clue... Politically Correct Mascots/Sport: The funniest thing about that is, in Ireland, we're incredibly UNpolitically correct. The Rangers and Celtic are probably the most prominent example of that: One was a Northerner team, one was a southerner team, and there used to be some fierce rivalry between them (I mean, if you sit on the wrong side of the stadium you could get that crap beaten out of you). There's still some bitter rivalry, but since the Troubles it's died down. They still sing some abusive songs though. Not to mention the Irish National Anthem, which basically is declaring that "Every last Irishman is a soldier inside, who will fight to the death." I mean, this is a football team, not a militia! Virginia Tech: I only found out recently. I spent most of the time watching Frasier repeats ;P I don't get why it's such a big deal though - doesn't this stuff happen all the time in your screwy country? Hell, isn't this the anniversary of the Columbine Massacre? 9MMs: Actually, growing up in a country where not even the cops are allowed to carry guns, I've always had a passion for firearms. Whenever I'm in the States I always go down to the Shooting Range. I can't get over that... it's just like a bowling alley, only with magnums! Writing.com: Only been here about a month. So far, most of the (few) things I have in my port were prompted by on-site contests. Unless I have a specific reason, I tend to gravitate towards novels rather than short stories. Believe it or not, I find it easier - shorts just don't satisfy me, and it's very hard to write in a way that does. I'm a long-winded kinda guy ;P As for WDC as a whole - it serves its purpose. I don't expect to become better or work harder just because I see other writers around (I live in Ireland for bugger's sake; you can't spit out a window without hitting a writing genius...) Other than people telling me how great I am, the one positive impact I think this site has had on me, and my confidence as a writer is seeing how many people suck compared to me ;P I'm not conceited or narcissistic... I'm a realist, damnit! lenny666 Very scary how a young and troubled student with a history of mental disturbances (and loaded to the hilt on various behavior-modifying drugs) could simply stroll on in to the friendly local firearms emporium and buy himself a pair of nice new handguns, no annoying questions asked. I have to agree that after the initial shock and horror faded, it all seemed so predictable. The same old media response, the same old point-counterpoint arguments from the same mouthpieces and none of it accomplishing anything other than occupying time until the next "news-worthy" event comes along. As stated above, 33 bodies is the toll in Iraq before lunch is even over and hardly anyone here bats an eye. It's like we're all just numb to it and we only notice mass carnage when it happens in some idyllic hamlet where that sort of thing never occurs. Americans love weapons and guns and bombs and planes and just plain blowing shit up. I guess it's just not too stunning anymore when some imbalanced, angry loner who can't meet girls decides to strike back at his perceived enemies with as much brutality and force as possible. It's our way. A brief point. We often lump policemen and firefighters together under the generic label of "hero". No question that plenty of people in both professions have done much to merit the tag. That said, I noticed that the police response to the V.T. shooting seemed to mostly consist of large, heavily Kevlar-ed men in black crouching behind things while brandishing powerful automatic weapons. It seems that they bravely waited until the shooting stopped before charging the building, then once inside, they began screaming at everyone in their best "crack-house bust" voices to either stay down or die. Exactly what you'd want to hear upon surviving a mass murder. Now imagine if you will that instead of a shooting, it was a fire. Try to imagine firemen crouching behind their trucks, waiting for the flames to die down, then racing inside and aiming their hoses at the already charred bodies. Not bloody likely. So I suggest we only allow firefighters to carry guns. I also suggest that our American police units stop treating every situation as they would a drug raid, because the ratio of "overkill" vs. "result" is way too out of balance. Engage gunmen, not shrubbery. The "tactical" approach looks impressive but never seems to really solve anything. RE: writing dot com. I must admit that despite a certain indefinable...dorkiness, I kind of like it here. I find it to be less hateful than the average online enclave. Plus, I find the site to be fairly easy to work with and use. I've had a few issues with some Christian types who wouldn't stop badgering me, also a few "gibberish" reviews from dolts and morons. But in general it's been OK. I would say it's helped me somewhat, I always appreciate a correction regarding spelling or grammar. Otherwise, it's really just mostly a "practice" forum, just a place to throw stuff out there and see if it gets any kind of response. I'm not much of a "reviewer", I'm really more of a "rater". To be honest, if I feel that the author in question merits the effort & "can be helped", I'll give them a suggestion or correction if it's needed and when I read something I find especially meritorious, I'll say so. If I happen across some particularly sorry piece of crap, I'll just rate it and move on, because as sad as it is, some people just cannot be helped. I have to agree with Seamus' thoughts above. I also enjoy (and benefit from) the confidence I get from not only being told something I wrote was "good", but from seeing how many other people who feel they're also "good" in fact are not. Sure, that opinion combined with three bucks will get me a gallon of gas, but nonetheless it is heartening to know that, at the least, I am "above average" albeit in a very limited universe. Not that I'm delusional regarding my abilities, but there is a certain small incentive there, definitely. Time to hear from the ladies, is there a similar narcissism at work with the female ego, or is it just a "man" thing? Jacklyn With regards to W.D.C. I have learned much more than I thought I would in the beginning. I don't believe I am a writer or that I have what it takes to be published. I am not delusional. I do enjoy scribbling my stories and poems. I have learned new forms of poetry, how to punctuate a short story and to write conversation. Most of my writings have also been prompt orientated. [i}My previous experience is in editing Printwork for a small printshop, so I can edit, just not my work. I have never written anything of great literary value or value. I have seen a trend that if you get a high rating on something, often people just go along with the higher rating instead of giving their true opinion. I myself have been guilty of this. I see a poem in a form that I haven't encountered; everyone else gave it a five rating. Because I didn't understand it, do I lower the rating? I find this place to be a great site of opinion and assistance, but not a literary publishing house. RE: I missed the whole V.T. media out poor. I still feel for the families and hope the Mafia news teams can hold back on some of their invasion of privacy. Emmyloo Ah, WDC... My lover and my evil, evil succubus. After two and a half years, I've concluded this is a wonderful place for the casual writer. The people are very friendly and encouraging, and good reviews (and the bad writing of others) provide a welcome boost to my ego. Participating in the contests here has also meant exploring different writing forms and genres, which has presumably helped me grow as a writer.However... I want more. My initial goal was to post items here, receive feedback, polish the items, and send them off into the great big world. That has happened a few times over the years, but once a piece is posted here, it's considered "previously published," which severely limits the available markets. When it comes right down to it, like any fun diversion, WDC has not helped me reach my publishing goals. I used to limit my friendships here to a few select people (like our esteemed leader). Then, I started my blog, and all these nice folks started showing up to comment. Of course, I felt like I should visit their blogs too, and now I spend most of my time reading and commenting on whether I think Friend A should go with the pink, off-the-shoulder prom dress or offering my two cents about whether Friend B should dump her loser husband. I like these people a lot, so I'm interested in their lives, but I have over forty people on my blog list, and it's a huge time commitment. Is it WDC's fault? Of course not. It's my own lack of discipline. I could write... or, I could catch up with my blog friends. I could write... or, I could sit down and watch America's Next Top Model. I could write... or, I could read the next chapter of "Commanded to His Bed." Clearly, I'm the one who needs to change if I really want to meet my publishing goals. WDC, as a place to share casual writing and meet some nice people, is fine the way it is. Danno I didn't know that being published here was considered "previously published" by the outside world. Could very well prove problematic...Casual writing indeed. I'll have to admit, a few of the pieces I wrote were more popular here than I imagine they would have been anywhere else. Specifically, "Invalid Item" and "Invalid Item" . Don't exactly know why I was surprised... but I was.Okay, besides this being a very convenient place to house most of my portfolio, I also stuck around for, and I'm not afraid to say this, to stay in touch with a few people, Emmy and Lenny being two of them. I didn't want to "abandon ship", as it were. I think the shootings are inevitable. Guns are relatively easy to be had here. Sort of takes one back to the old axiom, When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns. Problem is, outlaws don't seem to have much of a time getting guns today. And I doubt they ever will... So I'm living (I was going to use an expletive before living, but didn't want to betray the PG-13 tone of this group) in Ohio these days... and, so far, I'd have to say I like it. Of course, I haven't been arrested yet, so that adds to the charm...<grin> Oh yeah... I just got a new PC; anyone have any tips regarding Vista? TIA ﻝames Joseph Emerald (Wait... we're affecting PG-13 here? I've said 'shit' or 'fuck' at least once in every single post... ... Sorry kids.)Americans love weapons and guns and bombs and planes and just plain blowing shit up - that was brilliant. I'll hafta remember that. Now, more topics... Body counts: It's all relative. Far more people starve to death in Africa than die in Iraq. But you don't even give them a thought, let alone a full week worth of front-page news. Why? The old dictum, "outta sight, outta mind". It's human nature to care most about what happens in your own backyard as opposed to off somewhere you've barely heard of. I mean: mass murders have been happening for a lot longer than the War in Iraq - if anything, if it were a matter of being 'desensitised', it would be high school shootings which we're used to and don't really care about any more. When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns: That motto is stoopid. Ireland has had a grand total of 96 gun deaths in the last 5 years. America has had over 50,000. And although we have about 1% of the population, 1% of 50,000 is 500, which means ratio-wise, America is 5 times more dangerous (and keep in mind that most of those gun deaths in Ireland were drug-related... and even less were children, unlike the States.) SWAT: Maybe not this time, but I've seen plenty of times when Special Weapons And Tactics have saved far more lives than they've lost. As for firemen - the fire isn't intentionally trying to kill them. The fire isn't going to panic and start blasting everything in sight if they make a wrong move. The fire just wants to burn shit - it's fairly easy to outsmart. WDC Friends: I've been on about 5 other writing forums besides this, and you're absolutely right - making friends makes less time for writing. Even this is about 300 words worth of energy that could've been put into a novel or short story... Previously published on WDC: What!? That sucks - it's not like anybody really cares about this stuff, and if they really did, they'd probably love to see it in print anyway (or probably already have a subscription - only about 5% of literary magazine subscribers plan to never submit to them...) I suppose nothing stops you from taking it off the site when you're sending it around though... Ultimately, I like the email address. '@writing.com' seems so much flashier than '@hotmail.com' or '@iol.com'... (IOL = Cheap ripoff of AOL) lenny666 I wasn't really serious about the armed firefighters. But I was regarding the increasingly militaristic American approach to law enforcement. It's been a trend that has developed during the last twenty-five years or so and in my opinion, it's creepy and ominous. Which is true of a lot of things. I hate guns and I'm honestly sick to death of hearing about them and thinking about them so I'm going to channel John Lennon for the time being and just pretend they don't exist anymore. There, done, I'm cool until it's time to dodge the next crossfire. Dan, keep me informed about this new Vista OS. The few things I've read about it were...well, they weren't good. But everyone inevitably complains about anything "new" at first, so some perspective would be appreciated. I'm still relatively pleased with XP (as if there was a real choice) which I felt was an upgrade over 98 and that horrible ME. Again, I enjoy WdC for what it's worth. I do limit my participation to a degree, for the exact reasons cited above. If I get too involved in a lot of "group" things, I find myself devoting far too much time to it and it starts seeming mundane and dull. I always, however, make an exception for Danny's group efforts because I like his tastes and I feel he has a knack for assembling interesting groups. He does have a temper but hey, who among us is perfect? I really do need to check out everyone's (in this group) work as soon as possible, though. I knew about that "previously published" loophole too, which is why I don't post anything in its "completed" form. If I were to submit anything I've posted here to any actual publisher, I'd take it down, natch. Hopefully that will be a bridge to cross someday but it's not a big worry for me right now. Tangent: Last year I was employed by a company that completely imploded. It was big news locally, the regional newspapers were falling all over themselves with coverage and commentary. I was eventually contacted by a local reporter as well as by a writer for a national financial magazine. The local guy seemed to know the back story already, we chatted for a few and that was that. The national magazine guy, however, was looking for an angle of some sort. He wanted something more outrageous than "the owner was a nitwit" and his disappointment was palpable when he didn't hear it. He was looking for something like mass embezzlement, rampant fraud, a total surprise to everyone but it just wasn't that way. As we wrapped the conversation, I mentioned to him that only a year and a half earlier, his magazine had rated this company as one of the top fifty companies "likely to succeed". Thus an article detailing a breakdown that began, coincidentally enough, just around the time those rankings were published might be sort of damaging to the credibility of future rankings, no? He kind of chuckled and after he hung up I thought to myself "that poor bastard doesn't know how good he has it, getting paid to write drivel like that". I'd have done an article for half of what they're paying him, maybe for even less if they'd have been wiling to give me free reign to "be creative" with the facts. If the job consisted of simply playing with words all day, I'd consider myself pretty fortunate. Danno Vista seems to be a pretty fine operating system so far... it has these nifty little safety features... for example, when you have a background program running early on in the session, a little dialogue box will come on and ask you if you want to continue to let the program run. It's a little different dealing with the new control panel, but that should come in time. One disturbing thing: I looked at task manager, and there were 81 processes running. I think that's a bit high... The old dictum, "outta sight, outta mind" Yeah? People of my ilk employ a different dictum: "Out of state, out of mind." SWAT teams? Just another example of the ever-encroaching police state. Right, Lenny? Ultimately, I like the email address. '@writing.com' seems so much flashier than '@hotmail.com' or '@iol.com'... (IOL = Cheap ripoff of AOL) Yeah, it would be fine if the mailer was worth a poop, it would be a great address... but it's not... so it ain't. You heard it here first. ﻝames Joseph Emerald I'm not talking about just America: Do you have any idea how many bombs have been disposed of by British and Irish SWAT teams in the last 50 years? Shitloads. And each one was placed for the express purpose of killing as many people as possible - without the proper training, and the right tactics, Northern Ireland would probably be a giant crater by now.I mean, it's easy to say that police enforcement should be less cautious when you're living in a country that has had about one major terrorist/paramilitary attack in the last 20 years... And I never understood the whole deal about the different operating systems. I mean, I barely noticed a difference between XP and ME... 'Course maybe I'm not the most computer-literate person around... *cough* Emmyloo I'm a Mac OS 10 gal myself. No viruses or software glitches, and the hip silver Mac logo imbues me with a false sense of coolness wherever I go. Really, there's no downside, unless you count the price. I don't, since my brother-in-law works for Apple and gets me a discount. I suggest the rest of you tell your brothers-in-law to get off their lazy asses and learn to write code so you can enjoy the benefits of OS 10 at a reasonable cost. Danno Wow, Emmy... we must be on the same wavelength or something... (well, either that, or one of us is delusional... and looking at all of the evidence at hand, it would probably be me...*grin*) I say that because I was going to suggest as the next topic for discussion: Computers: Have they effected your life positively or negatively? As far as that topic goes for me, I would have to say positively, for the most part. I have been fortunate enough to have been exposed to quite a few operating systems, beginning in 1984 (sure, I’m dating myself here, but bear with me). I guess I’m something of a pseudo-geek. The first OS I was exposed to was an old Atari 8-bit, back in the aforementioned ‘84. I mainly used it as a word processor (I knew nothing of the Internet at the time [Al Gore hadn’t invented it yet], but I did manage to learn some rudimentary programming in Basic). I believe it had a whopping 64K(yes, K) of RAM, a 5 1/4” floppy, and I think it had a 10 inch monitor. I acquired an Atari ST as my next PC. Good graphics machine, but still no hard drive, and worse yet, software for it was difficult to find, and when you found it, it was expensive. Although, at the time I had the ST, I was writing for a software developer/statistics professor who was quite proficient in DOS. It helped me a lot when I first went to Windows 3.1 in 1993... and VOILA! I got online. That simple fact ended up changing my life considerably. I’ll explain in a bit.... I stuck with Win 3.1 until 1995 (of course), and went to Windows 95. I did go to Windows 98 as well, and on to XP, but I didn’t bother with the incarnations such as Windows 2000 and ME. But speaking of Macs, I was familiar with them as far back as 1985 or so (back when they were Apple). I had tested baseball simulation software on them... seemed like a reasonable machine at the time. Later, in the latter half of the ‘90s, I became acquainted with the Mac operating systems. A friend of mine in Alabama had one, and we would engage in the oh-so-typical Mac vs. Windows debates. Myself, I think it is merely a matter of what you are accustomed to. (Speaking of compatibility, the technology that Roadrunner has isn’t exactly compatible with Vista, but it’s a new OS, and that’s to be expected.) I’ll explain in a bit.... Okay, I think if my memory serves me well, I’ve met something like four women via the ‘Net IRL (in real life)... (not all at the same time, obviously...[g]) The first was in ‘93, and it was mere months after I got online. Now, some might refer to me as an online Lothario (no, wait... that was me...[g]), but it wasn’t like that at all. The first woman I met online ended up living with me for 6 years. The other two were less of a good thing, but that’s because they were dishonest. For example, sending you ten year old photos of themselves... when I got there, I thought I might have been talking to an aunt of mine or something. Which brings us to the current online attraction: so far, we’re doing well. She’s a nurse practitioner, and can prescribe certain pharmaceuticals, which can be awfully convenient.... She’s also one of the more intelligent women I have known {with the exception of you, Emmy...[g]). And that always helps. So, in a nutshell, computers and I go way back, and I don’t regret it at all. I like PCs... I just might get one someday...[g] (Actually, I just did recently... dual processors, a gig of RAM, a 325 G hard drive, a 19" digital flat screen, and wireless keyboard and mouse... pretty quick, if I say so myself... and I just did) So, as previously mentioned: Computers: Have they effected your life positively or negatively? (And don't you have to love someone who uses the term imbues in mixed company? Damn, is she sophisticated... [g]) ﻝames Joseph Emerald Hmm, well, I have to say, if they were having a negative impact on my life, I most likely wouldn't be here...Me and computers have been like this since I was a wee tyke (you can't see my fingers, but they're crossed, to indicate tightness... or something... I never fully understood that phrase...) When I was six I had a jaw-droppingly good vocabulary (as in, better than some of my ancient, dotty pre-school teachers), which I attribute almost entirely to those old text-based adventure games and 8-bit graphic strategy games (later on). And keep in mind that at six years old, I could barely read, but could still get Leisure Suit Larry a one-night-stand in a few hours... (With my mom's help of course, which, in retrospect, is kinda disturbing...) Two examples of the effect computers and video games had on me would be around the age of 8, when I unwittingly quoted Socrates (which, to me, was quoting a puzzle from a Star Trek game) which went something like: "Hey, Prinicipal Hennigan, guess what!" "What is it, Sean?" "Did you know the Key to Enlightment is 'knowing that you know nothing'?" "... Holy. Shit." Then there's the young student teacher who tries to subliminally soothe us with classical music as we were finger-painting (which I recognised as being in the soundtrack of a game called Settlers) The conversation went: "Hey, I know that music!" "Oh really? Does your mommy listen to this kind of music?" "No." "Does daddy?" "No." "Then where did you hear it?" "I listen to it all the time. It's Summer, from Vivaldi's Four Seasons." *checks back of CD* "... Omigosh! That's amazing!" I met the same Principal guy about 15 years later. He still remembers me as "That Freakishly Smart Kid" - in truth, there were tonnes of smarter kids (I couldn't even spell my own last name at that age), but I was the one who could use 'divinity' ina sentence, and knew what a 'Trireme' was, and could talk for hours about how to run a civilisation by balancing scientific output with military strength (all based on computer games). To this day, I still have a love for video games, (though I don't play that much any more - probably for the best, considering how expensive they're getting...) and I have a firm belief that 'interactive media' will be tomorrow's platform for artistic expression... (They're rare, but there are a few games that don't revolve around blowing away shit...) lenny666 Computers-definitely a positive for me. I discovered the wonders of the Internet in 1998, thus I was something of a late bloomer. Initially, I was a skeptic, but I became enthralled and I've been a regular user (abuser?) ever since.I am a "quick study" as far as Windows PC's are concerned, thus I have evolved into what I'd describe as an "unpaid IT guy" for various friends and relatives who are less experienced users. It is a situation that can occasionally be sort of annoying, but I just hate to see a friend or loved one get suckered into buying or paying for solutions to easily-repairable issues. The only "formal training" I've had was way, way back in high school & community college. Those were the days when you'd spend weeks putting together a crappy tic-tac-toe program, or making a really cool flashing Iron Maiden logo or something. Who'd have guessed that it'd lead to the world of online piracy, gossip and opinion wholesaling we all enjoy today? Well, a few people did, people who are far wealthier than me, but hey, we all can't be visionaries. Dan-I bet most of those 81 processes were simply the junk that was pre-loaded onto that machine. I really, truly hate how they insist on doing that. Seriously, is anyone actually using MS Works, or MS Money? It's like selling a new pick-up truck with the bed loaded with rocks and sand. It kills performance right out of the box and leaves the novice or less experienced user confused and frustrated. I have tried the online Lothario thing too, with...uh, varying degrees of success. While I can't say it was all negative, it does seem that my peculiar knack for meeting...troubled women applies to online meetings as well as real life. Once a weirdo magnet, always a weirdo magnet, that's me. Keeps life interesting, I suppose. Congrats on getting some of your work published, Dan, hope it's the first of many. Jacklyn Computers, I live on mine. I take my laptop with, in case I get lost I can look it up. I’m one of those quick study people, graduated way too early at 16; then promptly pissed it all away and got married. I do have two great kids resulting from the union. The laptop travels with me to hospital stays,Dr.'s really don't like it, and I really don't care I am stuck here a lot and this thing is my form of communicating and information. It's old, seen better days, it is updated and I have a 17" flat screen, but the switch from broadband to dial-up has killed my load time. What use to take 30 seconds, now takes 30 hours. I have to download music Thursday to listen to it Friday night. I get cut off constantly, can't hold a connection in the chat room, images take forever, and I have to refresh every two minutes to see if I have any new mail. The price you pay for peace.I have met some great people here, no online romance to speak of not that I’m against it but new good friends. I like to babble and I love to learn about other people. I don’t spend most of my time writing all of them. If they want to know what’s up, they usually e-mail me and I’ll send them back a novel. If someone needs direction, I point the best direction I can. Right now, I am a bit overwhelmed with e-mail, I do like it, ya the ego thingbut that too will pass. I will soon begin to pop up all over again with new shorts and poems for the contests and maybe one or two for myself. Who knows what’s going to come out of my head next. Emmyloo I love computers. They allowed me to work from home after I started popping out puppies, and now that I no longer work, they're a welcome break from playing the My Little Pony boardgame with my daughter. I've made a lot of great friends (all on WDC). Heartwrenching computer story: I used to enjoy instant messenging, until the day I put Danny to sleep mid-chat. It was a shame... er, miracle the drool on his keyboard didn't electrocute the poor guy. Since that traumatic day, I haven't managed to launch Messenger without bursting into gut-wrenching tears. I met my husband in the pre-online romance days, yet have still managed to wreck other people's marriages with a flick of my heart emoticon.  Seriously, mild online flirting is great, and I have to say, God bless the men for their low standards. Every woman who manages to keep her hunchback out of the frame is treated like a beauty queen here, which works out great for those of us who don't know how to Photoshop our heads onto Cindy Crawford's body (or versa vice). Danno You know, I’ve been editing That Was Now, This Is Then lately, and damn if it isn’t a well-written story... you should read it, Lenny... it may be the last thing you ever read of mine for free...[grin]Okay, obviously enough, we all have a liking for computers... I guess it was sort of a “preaching to the choir” type of question... oh well. Oh yeah... I think Jacklyn has left the group... I guess the pressure to be witty was too much for her... <g> What does the group think? Do we need another participant? Let me know... one or two at most, I figure.... I should let you know that lately I’ve been doing the West Virginia to Ohio expressway a bit. I’ve been thinking that Ohio really could be a southern state... Speaking of Ohio... now, I may get a little arcane here, but I go to this bar a couple of miles from where I live. It’s called the Sidedoor. Mostly biker-types and those of that ilk.... anyway, I’ve been shooting pool there... (and I’ve been doing quite well, thank you) But the strangest of things... when you win the game, you rack the balls. Now I’ve shot pool in Maryland, Arizona, Delaware, Alabama, North Carolina, California, Tennessee and Oregon, and I’ve never seen that rule. Live and learn, I guess... I was thinking about throwing out “Sex: Is it really worth all that trouble?” as the new topic, but I’ll trot out yet another writer-related topic... Who do you consider to be your greatest influences when it comes to writing? lenny666 The first book that truly influenced me was "The Basketball Diaries" by Jim Carroll. I immediately identified with the first-person narrative style and the "counter-cultural" content. I also developed a fondness for Stephen King's earlier novels and short stories. Say what you will about some of his later stuff (as well as the numerous movie adaptations) but the man can certainly spin a yarn when he's hitting on all cylinders. Despite his inconsistency (and his numerous and varied "personal demons"), I've always admired Hunter S. Thompson's style. "Hell's Angels" was the second book I ever truly fell in love with, way back in high school. Yes, I was far cooler than my peers, although it was a secret, so don't say anything, please. I was definitely heavily influenced by MAD Magazine during my youth. Understand that during the early to mid 70's MAD was the pinnacle of comedy writing, today's pitifully watered-down version is a far cry from the vicious satire of old. Obviously, there were fewer options back then for those inclined towards such comedy. I'd also be remiss if I failed to mention Creem Magazine, which fueled my youthful dreams of rock critic super-stardom. That magazine was the most subversive commercially available publication my overstimulated adolescent self was able to successfully procure back then without arousing parental suspicions. It steered my impressionable young mind towards artistic directions and interests I might never have discovered on my own. So someone named "Hook" gave us a "one" because we apparently "hurt" a child who accidentally read our various entries? Fuck you very much, "Hook". I don't understand, Danny and I confine our molestation, drug abuse and gratuitous violence discussions to the other, secret forum that no one knows about, lest we offend anyone as delicate as "Hook's" offspring. Don't tell anyone, please, because if our respective parole officers read that shit, we're fucked. This reminds me about a WdC complaint I forgot to mention: people who review but have nothing in their port. I hate those people. RE: is sex worth the trouble? Beforehand, yes. Afterwards, meh. I've always kind of felt that the chase is better than the catch, but I'm the type that usually holds unrealistic and lofty expectations, so you can't go by me. Emmyloo I was also heavily influenced by early MAD magazine. My Dad had a huge stack of the early issues in his closet, and he didn't even get angry when I took them out of their plastic sleeves, read them, and then left them all over the house in various states of non-collector's edition disarray. I grew up reading some Erma Bombeck and a lot of Dave Barry. My favorite humorist is actually Scott Adams, creator of Dilbert. If you take the cartoons alone, on the Sunday funnies page, they're fairly hit or miss, but his other books are pretty insightful and hilarious. Of course, I have personal experience in a cubical farm, so his humor hits home for me. Let's see... what else... I think the Simpsons and South Park are both brilliant. Jane Austen, Frances Hodgson Burnett, Louisa May Alcott and Georgette Heyer are big influences, and James Herriot is my favorite author of all time. I also really like Sue Grafton, Sophie Kinsella and some Janet Evanovich. As the lone wife and mother in the group, is it my responsibility to go on and on about how sex is a wonderful expression of affection between two people who are in love, and how the ultimate gift is the creation of a beautiful child? Because frankly, my kids pissed me off today, and I'm not in the mood. My take on Hook's review: *yawn* Danno Hmmmm... I was influenced a bit by MAD in the early seventies, but the National Lampoon had more of a hold on me. Oh sure, there were Twain and Steinbeck and Heller and Salinger and Roth (and that guy who wrote Breakfast Of Champions... anyone? Kurt Somethin'...?), but that magazine influenced me... specifically, P. J. O'Rourke.My favorite cartoon, as it were, would have to be Doonesbury... cutting-edge political humor. So what if he married Jane Pauley...? But my father was a fan of MAD Magazine as well. I remember him saying, "What? Me Worry?" around the house when I was growing up. So were my brother and sister, come to think of it. But I grew up reading the Lampoon. I found a bunch of old copies at a used bookstore in Tucson. Stocked up on them. That's how I came to be such an avid fan of O'Rourke's. I'm also a fan of Hunter Thompson. Hell, it was required reading for any stoner worth his salt... (but I wasn't a big fan of the movie I saw just recently... w/ Bill Murray as Thompson and some Peter something playing the Gonzo... but Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas was a cult hit...) Have you checked out Catch-22, by Joseph Heller? If not, I highly recommend it... I read a bunch of King's earlier stuff as well... anybody hip to Graham Greene? Author. Brit, I believe. But Twain is a big influence as well. I'm pretty sure that I've read most of his stuff. Loved his wit. (Vonnegut... Kurt Vonnegut... I got it now....) lenny666 Ah yes, "The Simpsons", not so much an influence on my writing as an influence on my life as a whole. Methinks I'll be quoting "Simpsons" lines until the day I die. Or longer."Where The Buffalo Roam", right Dan? Long, odd, not very good overall. I know H.S.T. hated it too, but eventually became friendly with Bill Murray nonetheless. The IV bottle full of bourbon was worth a laugh, though... Keeping it short today as I was standing maybe twenty feet away from Tony Iommi last night and my poor, abused ears are still recovering. Yes, they are ancient, but Black Sabbath is still one of England's loudest bands. Ronnie James Dio, in defiance of normal biological properties, appears to have been frozen in some kind of suspended animation circa 1984 because he is exactly the same now as he was then. He must be pushing seventy by now, there must be some kind of explanation. Goat placenta? Stem cells? Pact with Satan? I don't know, but the guy appears to be capable of outliving us all. Heavy metal equals fountain of youth...who'd have thunk it? Emmyloo Hmm... Is this a good time to admit I bought Night Ranger tickets today? You know.. you can still rock in America. ;) I doubt this will strengthen my coolness factor after dropping that bombshell, but I do want to go on record as despising 'Sister Christian.' Let's see.. we've covered books, and Lenny's introduced music, so I'll continue on that thread. I like a little bit of everything, including heavy metal (although Metallica is probably about as heavy as I go). There is an excellent show on VH1 Classics right now called 'Classic Albums.' They go into the studio and sort of recreate the process of making the album with the band. It's fairly cool to hear the different tracks come together and find out which bands could actually sing. I've seen episodes on Queen, Def Leppard and Fleetwood Mac, and all were really interesting. Deep Purple, Pink Floyd and Iron Maiden episodes are coming up soon. If you get that station, check it out. Okay, now that I've fulfilled my contractual obligations with the VH1 marketing department... So, tell me about your writing. When do you write? Do you like to write drunk/stoned/sober/happy/sad/etc? Do you like loud music/soft music/complete silence/morning/evening? I'd share mine, but it's been so long since I wrote anything new, I'm afraid I don't remember. Danno Ok, the music thing... I listened to a lot of '60s and '70s rock growing up (i.e., Cream, The Allman Bros., Mountain, Humble Pie, etc.), but now I listen to mostly alternative... when I do, that is.(And Night Ranger? Emmy, I hardly knew ye...[grin])And writing? I try not to "schedule" when I write... it might be a good thing, but I find it terribly anal... I write simply when I feel inspired to do so... sure, that's probably not as often as I like these days, but I'd rather not "force it"... fairly recently, I was like 25,000 words into a novel/novella... then, owing to some "personal maladies" (namely, my involvement with a woman who I'm reasonably sure suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder), I set it down.... then set it down a little longer... after editing what I have countless times, I'm still waiting to utter the first additional words to the piece... before, I *knew* what the characters were feeling; now, I'm still waiting to get in the groove... I've always wondered why authors took like 7-10 years to produce their 1st novel... now, I think I might have a clue... And this has nothing to do with anything, but I was wondering - does anyone share my fascination with the drink of scotch and water? Myself, I wasn't turned on to this particular drink until about a year and a half ago (thanks to the BPD girl), but I'll hardly drink anything else these days. I mean, sure, I like J & B, but the other scotches taste about the same, and at about half the price... Back to writing... I normally don't listen to any music when I write... it tends to distract me... and I'm usually happy, so that takes care of the mood thing... as far as drunk/stoned/sober/etc. goes, I tend to write straight... I find that I become far too verbose when I'm smoking dope, and I really can't type that well when I've been drinking, so it's mostly straight/slightly high/a couple of drinks with me. And with me, since I'm a very nocturnal man, I tend to write at night, although I find mornings a great time to edit. (Speaking of Pink Floyd - anyone on this esteemed forum ever seen them? I saw them in 1978(and I may be dating myself here), I think (you might have been 5, Emmy...[g]), during the Wish You Were Here tour. Good show, but I didn't think much of the "Brick In The Wall" stuff that came later... but that's just me... (Lenny... was Tony Iommi there? And I had thought that Ozzy Osborne was a member of Black Sabbath... Am I mistaken? Regardless, I semi-fondly recall the days, circa '73-'74, sitting in a friend's basement dispensing of $20 an oz. illicit commodities, singing along with Iron Man... that was from Masters of Reality, correct? And are you hip to Thin Lizzy? Nice girl... [grin]) lenny666 OK, the "original" Sabbath split up in 1979 or so when Ozzy's well-documented "personal demons" forced him to leave the band. His replacement was Ronnie Dio of Rainbow, which was the band formed when Ritchie Blackmore left Deep Purple. He remained with Sabbath for a few years until he formed his own band, Dio. His replacement was Ian Gillan, who was the singer in...Deep Purple. The guitarist in Ozzy's band was killed in a plane crash and he was replaced by Brad Gillis, who left shortly thereafter to join none other than...Night Ranger, a band whose music quickly became a staple of high school proms of the mid-to-late eighties. (Sister Christian, LOL). He was replaced in Ozzy's band by a guy named Jake E. Lee, who later left Ozzy's band to join another group called Badlands, whose singer was named Ray Gillen, who replaced Ian Gillan (no relation) in Sabbath. Black Sabbath "officially" re-united sometime in the late 90's, they've done several tours since then. The version of Sabbath I just saw was the Mark II Dio version, with Iommi (greatest three-and-a-half fingered lefty guitarist ever) and Geezer Butler, along with drummer Vinnie Appice (Carmine's brother). They bill themselves as "Heaven and Hell" out of respect for Osbourne, who is still technically in the band, I guess. But everyone knows they're Sabbath, Mark II. The Dio albums are pretty good, not in the realm of Sabbath's earlier doom classics, but enjoyable nonetheless. Dio's lyrics are not really "about" much of anything, heavy on the "Lord of the Rings", D&D imagery, but they sound good when he's singing them. The lyrics are quite fitting, as Dio very much resembles an elf or some type of garden gnome straight out of Hollow Earth. But the man has some serious chops, his voice has held up remarkably well, far better than nearly any singer of his generation that I can think of offhand. Thus far, the only benefit to getting old is having the opportunity to see some of my favorite bands re-unite for these very lucrative reunion tours. The bands usually stick to playing the classics everyone remembers, plus everyone in the crowd is more or less just as old as you are, which is oddly comforting in a narcissistic kind of way. "Iron Man" is on the "Paranoid" album, "Sweet Leaf" is on "Master Of Reality". Those two LP's are definitely on the all-time list of "Album Covers Used To Clean Weed Upon", probably in second or third place behind Zep and Pink Floyd. I kind of miss album covers, especially those gatefold sleeves. A few taps and those seeds would just roll into the crease for convenient dumping. Uh-oh, I'm dating myself here..."What's an "album cover", Uncle Len?". I was just a tad too young to get the chance to see Pink Floyd in their glory days. My parents were of the belief that rock concerts were just chock-full of degenerate drinkers and drug users/dealers (which was true to a degree), thus I didn't see any shows until I was old enough to drive to them myself. The first show I ever attended was a Metallica show in 1983, at a roller rink in front of maybe 200 people tops. My first "arena" show was a Ian Gillan-era Sabbath show featuring a yet-unknown Quiet Riot as the opening act. Seriously. I probably could have seen Floyd during one of their later tours, but the newer stuff they do leaves me cold. Too "middle of the road" for me. I do wish I'd had the chance to see one of those epic, pull out the stops shows they used to do, though. They don't make 'em like that anymore, man. Sure I remember Thin Lizzy, cool and underrated band. They never really got their due back then, but now they're cited as an influence among a lot of bands, which is kind of cool and sad simultaneously, given how Phil Lynott didn't live to see that happen. Scotch and water was my old man's drink of choice. Your hardcore scotch drinker will consider the ice cubes the "water", melt & mix, as it were. That shit will eat a hole right through your liver. Still, it's probably a better choice than the Red Bull & vodka mixes that seem to be popular right now, yeech! That Red Bull is absolutely vile, in my opinion. Danno I would like to announce right here, that, in my not-so-humble opinion, Lenny's carrying this campfire... I just needed to say that...Okay, in lieu of any original material, I would like to showcase a file that I doubt any of you have seen: From Here To Eternity Death. The final frontier. Yeah, I think about it all the time. Not because I’m old or anything. And I’m not sick either. That I know of, anyway. I simply believe that I happen to spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about death. And I do. I mean, it’s going to happen eventually. How will I die? When will I pass away? What will happen when I cease to exist? I guess these very questions have vexed us since the very beginning of time. Well, I’ve decided how I want to die. I want to drop dead between a woman’s long well-toned legs, wrapping them around my ass as I shoot my final deposit of jism into her womb. And then I’d croak. What a way to go. To die with a smile on your face. I’m fairly certain I’m not the first man to have this ambition. At least I hope not. Granted, it might be pretty traumatic for the woman in question... ...but she’d probably get over it in 10-15 years. I don’t see why it would be so traumatic. After all, she could say she “fucked me to death”. With pride. Or “sold me the farm”. Or “cashed in my chips”. Or “provided the bucket for me to kick”. That’s not such a bad thing, is it? And it would be the perfect irony: The release of 180 million or so life-bearing sperm cells into her Fallopian tubes as one schleps into eternity. One hundred and eighty million to one? I like those odds. (go ahead and five it up... <grin>) lenny666 Well thanks Dan, just trying to do my part and hold up my end...My overall tone should begin to brighten somewhat, as I have finally landed a new job. The endless parade of stress-inducing, confidence-shattering go-nowhere interviews has mercifully come to an end. No more application forms, no more personality profile tests, no more idiotic questions from twenty-six year old human resource associates out to prove that their diploma from State Tech was worth the hundred grand Mom and Pop shelled out for college. No more snotty employment agency slave-traders demanding four kinds of ID with which to prove my citizenship so I can land that coveted "styrofoam-packing-material-picker-upper" position that pays a cool $7.10 an hour. Not to mention that now I probably won't starve to death, be forced to live in my car, be forced to give up deodorant or go back to dial-up (ugh). Those are good things too. No urinalysis either (grin), not that it'd be an issue or anything (wink wink). Just kidding, whether a true-false or a multiple choice, I can easily ace any urine tests (although those essay ones can be a bastard). It's my urine, goddammit, and it's my choice. Keep your hands away from my bladder, thank you very much. My first impression is that it's a legit company with a legit future, but of course only time will tell. During the hiring process, I failed to mention that in every case so far, my employer has either gone bankrupt or defunct or my immediate supervisor has died within two years of parting company with me. A sad legacy, but one that allows me to take certain "liberties" with my resume that I might not be able to get away with if any of my former employers still...existed. Let's just say that my former positions ever-so-slightly grew in stature upon learning that my former employers went under for good. Not "lies", just minor embellishments. That company-dooming legacy is another example of one of the odd coincidences in my life that make me a tad uneasy at times. Like the fact that I have been involved in three separate car accidents on three different January 23rd's. But I digress. Anyway, it's getting late and I am not in the mood to get all cosmic and assign all kinds of meaning to stupid coincidences. It's all relative. A final music-related note. The N.J state police are cracking down on underage drinking at our PNC Bank Arts center, a favorite summertime concert venue. Several dozen under-aged drinkers were admitted to local emergency rooms after becoming intoxicated at a Gwen Stefani concert. Drunk at a Gewn Stefani show? I suppose they'd have to be. Question: are these kids today just a big bunch of spoiled little wusses, or am I simply becoming old and crotchety? Emmyloo Yep, Lenny is definitely carrying this campfire, along with your illustrious self of course, Danny. I give the edge to Lenny, though, since he didn't have to paste in an old piece of writing. Er... not that I'm complaining, since I haven't even bothered to do that.In defense of today's kids... well, I can't really offer any. In my day, we were smart enough to stop drinking before the alcohol started to poison us and shut down our vital organs. Can't they just get wasted, puke all night and wake up with hangovers like the rest of us? In defense of Gwen... I'm sorry, but I love the woman, even if her music isn't always my cup o' tea. She started singing in a ska band when she was in high school, took the band to the top by dint of hard work and an ability to write songs that drew on her life experiences, and is now a superstar who actually deserves the hype. Plus, she's a sex symbol who is not a girly girl and who wears an a-cup bra. Fairly impressive in these "let's assemble one blonde, one brunette, and one redhead at a mall talent contest, teach them a dance routine, and let them lisp along to this crappy pop song" days. Danno >Fairly impressive in these "let's assemble one >blonde, one brunette, and one redhead at a mall >talent contest, teach them a dance routine, and >let them lisp along to this crappy pop song" >days. I thought that stuff started in the mid-'80s... but actually, looking at it from a logistical angle, it must work, else they wouldn't continue the practice. Remember... people are sheep. And how do you know this a-cup bra thing, Em? Geez... that's bordering on obsessive... (big grin) See, I had this nifty idea that each of us could write a little fiction for this thing... you know, Lenny with his job aplications, and Em with her academic records (I jest, dear Ami). Not anything extensive, merely ten or fifteen thousand words will probably do the trick... but the idea rings impractical to me... and gee, Lenny, it's been a while since I've seen the term "wussies" used in a sentence. Remember, they got on my ass because I used the term "freakin'"... 1st Amendment,my ass... I have a kind of unique situation to report... you know that piece o' poop site called Classmates? I visited it the other day, and that there were a few members of the female gender who had come by to check out my profile (in my profile, I tell them I work for the C.I.A. out of the American Embassy in Mexico City... (what, I never told you all that?[g]) Anyway, this woman who lived right down the street from 30 yrs. ago contacted me. Lives in Alaska now. Seems bent on going to the 30th reunion, even if she's like 3300 miles away from Baltimore. And back then. she was a definite wallflower type. We rode the same bus to school, and we probably had spoken 10 words to each other. Plus, she was in the same "accelerated" classes that I was, so we saw a bit of each other. Now we talk like friends... it's kind of neat, actually. Is anyone else getting tired of Paris Hilton? (Hey, anyone noticed the our rating is back up to a perfect 5? Yeah, it used to be 9 votes, and now it's returned to 8... anyone know how this happened? Looking to you, our princess of WdC...) lenny666 OK, maybe I was a tad too harsh re: Gwen. It just seemed like an odd act to attract so many people prone to drinking to the point of alcohol poisoning. I mean, you might expect that kind of scene at a heavy metal show, or at a Jimmy Buffet concert. Shows what I know.Good point concerning the fact that she actually SINGS, you know, into a microphone and everything! I find it hard to believe how people will shell out perfectly good money to watch some ridiculous pseudo-stripper pretend to sing, but hey, what P.T. Barnum said... Yes, everyone is very, very sick of Paris Hilton. I guess every generation needs someone whose main claim to fame is that they're famous. Like the panelists on the old "Match Game" show, you had people like J.P. Morgan, Brett Somers, Charles Nelson Reilly (R.I.P.) who were noteworthy for some obscure reason, but you were never really sure why. To their credit, they never resorted to doing homemade porn (although J.P. might have tried it if the technology had existed back then). Every single one of them had more claim to fame than Paris ever will, however. At least those obscure 70's celebrities sang or acted or SOMETHING, even if no one noticed or cared. Side note. I saw a few of those old "Match Game" shows on something called (seriously) the Game Show Network and I was amazed at how blatantly coked-out and drunk the panelists were. I wasn't even in high school when those shows originally aired, so I had no idea back then. But watching it now, it's just so obvious. That Gene Rayburn was a real party animal. I'm glad someone had a decent experience with Classmates and/or Reunion.com. I tried Reunion a few years ago in an attempt to locate a few old friends. It didn't work so well, but my high school was far more apathetic than most. The building itself was literally falling apart and the whole place reeked of cigarettes, weed, sweat socks and miserable, inedible cafeteria food. The first few years of the 80's were every bit as lame as they now seem in retrospect. So were the majority of my classmates, unfortunately. I enjoy telling current high school students about what we used to get away with back then. You mention that you used to be able to smoke between classes and they look at you like you're telling them about your first ride on the Titanic. Today's school environment is a far more invasive and controlling one and yes, it is turning kids into "wusses" who are unable to stay in control when that highly-structured and regulated environment isn't there for them. If they learned how to handle their drugs and alcohol during school, like we did, they wouldn't be OD'ing in droves at Gwen Stefani concerts. In hindsight, it's probably a good thing that I never had any children. I'm a bad fiction writer. I mean I really suck at it. If I ever put together a piece of fiction that comes in at 15,000 words, you know amphetamines must be plentiful around here. Emmyloo I agree with Lenny about the Match Game. I'm pretty sure they were all having sex back in the dressing rooms, too. You could cut the sexual tension between Betty White and Nipsy Russell with a knife. ;)I just read Reilly's obit and was astounded to read that he was a Tony-award winning actor. I can't even picture that. So he did indeed have more cred than Paris. Count me among those who are sick of her, although I do get a warm and fuzzy feeling when I think about her in prison. I did sign up at classmates, but I was too cheap to spring for the paid membership. As a result, all I really see is an incomplete list of names of my classmates, and I can get that by flipping through my yearbook. I was contacted once through there by my senior prom date, who wanted info about any of our former classmates so he could plan one of the reunions. I responded with a long e-mail about my current life, interspersed with pithy quotes and hilarious anecdotes. We never had a romance, but were pretty good friends throughout 6th-12th grade. It felt really nice to reconnect with him... He never wrote back. As far as the 9 votes turning to 8, my guess is that one of our raters left the site. If you let your membership lapse, I think your ratings/reviews disappear. It might have been Jacklyn, since it looks like she's left the site. My fiction is fair/okay, but 15,000 words would take me about 3 or 4 years to finish. How about a limerick or a haiku? Danno First off, I'd like to showcase a couple of "Letters FROM The Editors", culled from the pages of Rat Sass Online. To wit: Dear Sirs, A waiter brings a lady her clam chowder, and his thumb is hooked over the cup. She says, "Waiter, your thumb is in my soup." He says, "Yeah. I got arthritis and the heat makes it feel better." She says, "Well, why don't you stick it up your ass?" He says, "I do that in the kitchen." Hector Domingo Caracas, Venezuela Dear Sirs, A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!" After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office. The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?" The old lady replied, "I make bets." The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?" The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square." "Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!" The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?" "Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!" The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM as a witness?" "Sure!" replied the confident president. That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning them from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet. The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!" The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them. "Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure." Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?" She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 AM today, I'd have The Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hand." Amye D'Angelino Calgary, Canada Dear Sirs, A priest and a nun were lost in a snowstorm. After a while, they came upon a small cabin. Being exhausted, they prepared to go to sleep. There was a stack of blankets and a sleeping bag on the floor but only one bed. Being a gentleman, the priest said, "Sister, you sleep on the bed. I'll sleep on the floor in the sleeping bag." Just as he got zipped up in the bag and was beginning to fall asleep, the nun said "Father, I'm cold." He unzipped the sleeping bag, got up, got the blanket and put it on her. Once again, he got into the sleeping bag, zipped it up and started to drift off to sleep when the nun once again said, "Father, I'm still very cold." He unzipped the bag, got up again, put another blanket on her and got into the sleeping bag once again. Just as his eyes closed, she said, "Father, I'm sooooo cold." This time, he remained there and said, "Sister, I have an idea. We're out here in the wilderness where no one will ever know what happened. Let's pretend we're married." The nun said, "That's fine by me. " To which the priest yelled out, "Good... get up and get your own fucking blanket!" Lawrence Bathory Kissimee, Delaware Dear Sirs, Three couples went to Lake Tahoe for a weekend but didn't have reservations. They were amazed to find only two rooms left in the whole area. Each room had one bed. They took the rooms & decided to have the three women share one bed & the three men share the other. In the middle of the night, 1 man got up to leave. Another man asked him, "What are you doing?" The first man answered, "I'm going to see my wife." The second man asked, "What do you mean you're going to see your wife?" The first man said, "I'm going to see my wife. I've got the biggest erection I've ever had." The second man said, "Well, then, take me with you." The first man said, "Why should I take you with me?" The second man answered, "Because you're holding MY dick." Peter D'Agostino Dundalk, Maryland Anyone familiar with these lyrics? “They’ve got a name for the winners in the world/ I wanna name when I lose/ I drink scotch whiskey all night long/ and die behind the wheel/ they call me Deacon Blue” That would be “Deacon Blue”, by Steely Dan. I think I identify more with “Kid Charlemagne”, by the same group, so I don’t really know why I quoted the lines, but I did, for what it’s worth. Maybe it’s because I’m drinkin’ scotch... Oh yeah... it’s my freakin’ birthday... (if Lenny can use “wussies”, I can use “freakin’) I’ve just turned 15... =-)(actually, June 7th was my birthday, but I’ve been up a while now, so it’s close enough) Once, upon my initial exam, a doctor asked me if I smoked. I replied, “Yeah... thirty years. Cowboy killers... good thing I’m not a cowboy.” He promptly sent me for a heart catheterization in Virginia, which I aced. Don’t know why I brought that up, but I did... Wait! Oh yeah... I’ve fairly recently, I’ve reduced my smoking (which is terribly un-PC, but I could give a fuck less about) to less than ten cigarettes a day, which was coming from a 30+ a day habit... (and a vile and disgusting habit it is) Just thought I’d report that. And hey Lenny... I sort of liked your jobless “cantankerous” persona... but that just might be the way I am. And Em... what can I say? You’re always witty (well, except maybe when you’re bitchin’ about your children), sophisticated, urbane, and dare I say, sexy, in a suburban mom sort of way... (and hey, I’m not above that... <grin>) (And Match Game? Boy, were you people weiners...=-) Emmyloo Happy Birthday, Danny. For your present, I won't mention the most recent studies concerning "cutting down" on cigarettes. (That's for insinuating I've ever bitched about my beloved, perfectly behaved, model children). I'm proud of you for passing your catheterization, though, and expect a copy of your angiogram for my refrigerator door.I loved all the jokes, especially the old lady and the bank president. Here's my favorite joke of all time: Hickory dickory dock Two mice ran up the clock The clock struck one And the other ran down with minor injuries I heard it in ninth grade, and it still makes me giggle every time. And you thought The Match Game was the only thing that made me a weiner... Any luck on the job search, Lenny? The cantankerous, jobless persona is funny as hell, but I suspect you'll find a lot to riff on in any modern workplace too. How's Ohio treating you, Danny? You've got me all worried with the heart cath. Why did you have to go all the way to Virginia? We sexy, suburban Moms live to fret about this stuff, you know. (And I'll take the sexy, because that's how needy I am, but I'm disputing the suburban part. There's nothing urban, sub or otherwise, about Cadillac. It's your typical middle-sized town in the middle of nowhere. Danno (What, is this a dialogue now?) >Happy Birthday, Danny. Thanks, Emmy... it's been the best 25 years of my life...[g] Ohio is a funny little state... (with 7 area codes) It's okay, as far as a state is concerned, and overall, I have no complaints... I keep telling the significant other that Ohio is a misplaced southern state... (to her dismay) Don't like Cadillac? Move to Pinto... or Mustang... or El Dorado... or Regal... and when you get better financially situated, move to BMW325si...<g> (And since Lenny's got a new job, I bet he's getting laid... that's the way it always worked with me...) lenny666 Fear not. I will likely be even curmudgeonlier (MS Word claims that this is a real word but I somehow doubt it), if anything. No less lovable, though. I went into my job search with something of an attitude. Something along the lines of, “OK, time to stick it to The Man on this go-round”. I was going to do my best to emulate the Homer Simpson model of the American worker. Shiftless, lazy, self-serving, showing up late and leaving early, the whole nine yards. I was sick and tired of putting out and putting out like some kind of desperate workplace trollop and never seeing it RESULT in anything. I wanted mine. I felt society, you know, kind of…owed it to me. So of course I ended up in the employ of this utterly sincere and remarkably pleasant couple who own the place. They’re devoted to making the business work, they appear to be sensible, practical, basically everything my previous employer was not. It’s kind of strange to be working someplace where the only employees that are “romantically linked” are married (to each other, I mean). Thus my subversive little “get even with society” scheme is a no-go. I’d have to be a world class scumbag to pull that shit on these seemingly fine and decent people. So, against the natural impulses of my brain’s hedonism and sloth receptors, I must once again summon forth my nearly Aryan-like workplace efficiency once more, even though I don’t really want to. Isn’t there more to life than irony and conflict?? I'm so tired of this capitalistic whore bullshit, I swear. (Cantankerous enough??) So far it’s been tolerable there but a few of my new fellow employees have already managed to push my buttons. No big issues, though, they’re probably merely “testing the new guy”, I can deal with some minor workplace hazing. After my diplomatic charm wins over the staff, I’m sure it’ll pass. For their sake, it’d better, because I am not someone you want to fuck with in the workplace, trust me. I’m really diabolical like that. Happy belated birthday, Dan! I found some vintage Quaaludes on Ebay, I’m shipping a dozen to you, gratis. Salut! Did you hear that HBO’s “The Sopranos” ended its run last weekend? Huh? Did you hear about that? Did you? DID YOU?? You must have heard about that. There was an online poll after the episode ended and the results showed that 100% of those who responded care way too much about fictional TV programs. There is a 0% margin of error in those results, by the way. When a television newscast begins with a story about the events taking place within the storyline of a fictional program, you know we're really spiraling down the rabbit hole. Or possibly another kind of hole. Soon there will be entire cable networks devoted to analyzing the discussions of TV shows that take place on television newscasts, and blogs will be created where critics can critique those critics. Then, online videos will be posted where hosts critique those blogs. Everyone will eventually become involved somehow. Commerce and industry will grind to a halt and the Chinese and the Russians will eat us alive. Five years, maybe six at most, wait and see. I feel “The Sopranos” depicted Italian-Americans in a very negative light. Many Italian immigrants established perfectly legitimate fronts…er, I mean businesses throughout the Northeast, such as pizzerias, cafes, butcher shops, strip clubs and waste management firms, among others. Well, no, actually, that’s pretty much it. But this aspect of the Italian-American experience is never glamorized via TV and film. I mean come on, not every butcher shop or garbage truck in New Jersey is disposing of mob-“whacked” corpses. Only the ones in the 201 or 973 area code are involved with that stuff. Many of our most beloved and commonplace household items owe their existence to the innovation of great Italian-American immigrants. Some examples include radio, the pocket comb, the Trans-Am, the Camaro, the black leather jacket, doo-wop, those sleeveless undershirts, the "evil eye" and of course, the meatball sandwich, among several others. Famous Italian Americans include Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Frankie Valli, Fonzie, and baseball legends Lee Mazzilli and Phil Rizzuto. Just kidding, relax, they’re merely jokes. Some of my best friends are Italians. Youknowwhaddeyemean? My dad was in the Knights Of Columbus for cryin’ out loud. We're all friends here. I love you all, really I do. I kid because I love. (Next week's highly charged and ultra-sensitive topic: The Kids With The Spray Paint-WTF?). I kind of like the group as it is right now, you two have such a nice chemistry together. Plus you seem to actually enjoy (or tolerate) my inane babblings. The worthy have truly risen to the fore. It seems we may be too much for some to keep up with. Speaking of trios, who’s your favorite rock trio of all time? I’m going with Motorhead, although Blue Cheer was pretty cool too. Throw King's X in there. Can’t beat a good power trio. Emmyloo "Danny, you have a problem with dialogue?""Yes Ami... Yes, I do." "Okay then... I'll revert to our former campfire style, and stop addressing you two directly." "Cool." <g> (or, assuming Lenny's birthday gift made it through the mail, "Coooooooooooool." <G>) ************ Entertainment news: I will cop to a subscription to Entertainment Weekly (hey -- the writing is excellent!), but I stay away from that sort of television news. Come to think of it, I stay away from all television news. The local crap is just a 22 minute teaser about the upcoming weather report, and CNN and Fox are too busy covering Lindsay Lohan's latest car accident to be of much use. I never did get around to watching The Sopranos Power trios: Cream comes to mind immediately, just for sheer musical skill, but I've never been a huge fan. I think my personal favorite is Green Day. The Pointer Sisters would, of course, be second. Lenny, Danny and Ami as power trio? I like that too, and don't mind if you guys want to keep it that way. :) Danno Hey, wait a minute, Ami... when I was listening to Cream, I was seen as "precocious"... you must have been "prenatal"...I also liked a couple other power trios... West Bruce, and Laing (Leslie West, former behemoth guitarist extraordinaire for Mountain), Jack Bruce, bassist and songwriter for Cream, and Corky Laing, drummer for Mountain... There was Beck, Bogert, and Appice, and there was also Brand X, although, not a power trio (there were an experimental progressive rock band), there were 3 people in the band, including Phil Collins on the drums and vocals... saw 'em once... and then there was Rush... Neal Pert was a joy to watch... Canadians yet... go figure...<g> re: 'ludes... not into that sort of thing anymore (the last time I did one I think I was 20... so what's it been. 5 years?<g>, but when I was, I preferred Seconal or Tuinal as my barbituate of choice... and they don't make Tuinals anymore... I don't even think they make 'em in Mexico... (for those concerned, I believe Tuinals were a mixture of Seconal and Phenobarbital. I used to have a connection at a local pharmacy... re: Sopranos... never really watched it... I thought it much ado about nothing... re: cigarette thing... hell, I was just as surprised as the next guy/girl when I cut back that drastically... and I'm noticing that my nicotine "cravings" have lessened... and this is coming from someone who has been known to drink a tad... but then again, I've been cutting back on that too... *and*, living with an NP, I'll have access to Chantix, the new smoking cessation drug... supposedly it works on both the physical and psychological addictions. I'll guess we'll see... (Footnote: But I actually *like* to smoke... I like the effects that nicotine have on my brain/body... maybe it has something with the oral fixation side of the equation... sure, I know it's a vile and disgusting habit, but so is picking your nose, and you don't see "booger patches" being marketed, do you?) (One final note on drinking... I've discovered this local craft brewery here (out of Cleveland), and they brew excellent beers. One, called "Blackout Stout", is an Imperial stout that comes in at *9.0* ABV... that's 18 proof, people! <g>) Okay, this Lenny, Danny, and Ami trio... is that some sort of transparent innuendo there, Ami?<g> lenny666 Cream! Mountain! I completely forgot about those two. Also the original Jimi Hendrix Experience. Nirvana too. Then there's Canada's greatest-ever power trio, Rush, plus other Canadian trios of note such as Triumph and Exciter. And black metal gods Venom and Celtic Frost. Power trios rule.Anyone else who might potentially enter our WdC power trio has to have the chops to keep up. I mean, it's not like Hemingway, Dickens and Maya Angelou are in here throwing around incredibly witty and insightful rejoinders at the drop of a dime. But hey, were no doormats either. At the risk of sounding elitist, I feel that any prospective members should be subject to very rigorous admission standards (as well as Danny's whims because it's his group). In other words, we ought to break their (figurative) balls a little bit. Just for the fun of it, to see if they can handle it without running away and quitting like big babies. Or, we could have a contest. Subject: Why I Am Not Worthy Of Participating In Your Campfire, two-thousand word minimum. Must work the words, "orange", "eleven" and "fortnight" into each paragraph but in different sentences. No commas permitted. I told you, I want it to be rigorous. Like boot camp, with plenty of hazing too. (Dan, remember that Reverend Al (?) guy from one of your previous campfires? The one who got all righteous and snarky on us? Dressing that guy down was one of my hands-down favorite WdC moments.) But if we stay a trio, cool. Is the Irishman still technically a member? Is he collecting any royalties?? Danno Yeah, Mountain and Cream were my “big two” growing up... I *really* liked Mountain... (saw ‘em like 5 times, including once in this semi-small nightclub in Tucson... Leslie West looked high on dilaudid or something...) I liked Cream a bit as well (I thought Jack Bruce was the consummate bass player... and a good vocalist and songwriter as well). When everyone else was listening to Boston, Bad Company, and R.E.O. Speedwagon, I was listening to Cream, Mountain, and Humble Pie (and didja know, Peter Frampton was in early Humble Pie... remember “30 Days In The Hole”? )On the topic of you, me, and Ami remaining as the only three participating members of this campfire, I have no problem with that... (and yes, “Seamus” is still technically a member of the group; there no way in the control mechanism to eliminate him) I’m thinking of renaming the group to “The Triumvirate”. And it’s only my group in the sense that I can extinguish it at any time, skip any one’s turn, or go back in and edit anyone’s entry to their admission of latent homosexuality... (and don’t you ever forget that...[grin]) Actually, when i first started the campfire format, I tried to get it where the “leader” of the group was a revolving thing... I guess WdC isn’t that egalitarian. Yeah, I remember Al... fucking Methodist... one of those stick-up-his-ass kinda cats... fuck, since that rather rowdy campfire, Dan, the guy I invited in who invited Al in, hasn’t spoken to me since... and I’ve been associated with him since ‘96 or so. Ahh yes... Internet “friendships”... we used to exchange Christmas cards when I was in Alabama... I believe those two would be identified by us as “straight people”... and we’re not talking sexual orientation here... And I think Return To Forever was originally a trio... Chick Corea, Stanley Clarke (bass player extraordinaire), and Al DiMeola, a really good guitar player... but they were progressive jazz-rock, so they probably don’t count... no, that’s right, there was a drummer too, so they definitely don’t count.... lenny666 Who doesn't like Leslie West, literally the world's heaviest guitarist? The first time I heard "Mississippi Queen" I was only a kid, but that riff led me down the "heavy" road and it's been all left hand path ever since, man. Another trio I failed to remember, the legendary Melvins. They kind of defy convention, at least as far as hard rock a.k.a. "heavy" bands are concerned. You might get a protoplasmic slab of ultra doom heaviness, or you might catch them in an "ambient noise" mood, but they're never normal OR boring. Plus, their singer/guitarist Buzz Osbourne, is a surly, curmudgeonly bastard, which I gotta admire. Really funny hair, Google his name and see for yourself. Speaking of surly...I've been at my new job for almost a month now. It's not a bad job, the people are great, but the pay really stinks. Of course, my last employer wildly overpaid everyone so my perspective is a little skewed. My coworkers are positively driven, I mean they go full-throttle all day long. While I'd love to be "part of the team" and catch a little of this enthusiasm, it's just not there for me and the cash is the sole reason. It's a little like trying to have sex with someone who's nice enough but who just isn't very attractive to you in any way. Who among us hasn't been there? Anyone? (Rhetorical question: please don't answer in detail). Trying to look busier than I am in order to "balance things out" a little is way more stressful than just going all out, but that's more exhausting. I can't slack off too much or I'll never be able to pry more money out of them, but on the other hand, more money would probably mean even more work. Long term, this will not do but for right now, hey, I need the cash. Yep, i remember that infamous campfire. You've mellowed a tad since then, no? I hope that Reverend Al dude never decides to join a debate team... Emmyloo I can't believe I forgot Rush. I've seen them in concert a few times. Neal Peart is an amazing songwriter. His mid-song time signature changes make my husband weep. I'm not sure I know exactly why, but I've always figured it was a good thing. Speaking of, husband o' mine even looks a lot like Geddy Lee, and plays bass (not as well, but pretty close). It's proof of my theory that we all have Canadien doppelgangers. But that's a topic for another day...Back when I had a job that was more challenging than my current field of housewifery, I was a go-getter. I'd usually end up doing my boss's job too, which they appreciated, since it meant they could leave early. It never did much for my own career, though. The sad truth is that hard workers just get more work on their desks. The person who does their job and makes no effort to go above and beyond is the true success story. Not that I'm cynical or anything. I was just reading through the old campfires the other day. I've been in a few, and I think Danny's are the best on the site. Of course, the others all start with premises like this: "The world is in a nuclear war. Shimron, shapeshifter of the Gondar tribe, has gathered her hords of Reptillian nimpfmages to the Council of Triad. Simbar-7, the rebel fortress, is under attack. Sledge Bifurcator, the illustrious rebel leader, is now addressing the alliance...." So I find these pretty darn refreshing. Danno Hey Lenny... I saw a semi-recent picture (circa mid-'90's), and he's not "portly" anymore... and he's far from obese... pretty thin, in fact... I hardly recognized him... musta been that "righteous cocaine" diet that rockers have been known to go on...As for EmmyLoo's comment about the other campfires... it seems to me that this is the site where people who *can't* write go just so they're able to say "I'm a writer... I belong to a writer's site." Present company excluded, of course... I ran into Lenny by reviewing a piece of his, the piece about growing up an orphan.., an incredibly poignant and sensitive piece it was... no wonder he gets all the chicks... <g> And didn't we meet in a chat room somewhere, Ami, during the time your husband was in Baghdad, and that you were just "considering your options"... <g> Honestly, I'm not sure how we met... maybe it was after reading one of your satirical pieces about the war, your husband, and the repercussions thereof... (and doesn't Geddy Lee [I saw Rush once, I think in '78; got free tickets so I would take the donor of the tickets and his date to the show) sound as if his testicles are on the wrong side of a pair of vise grips?) (That said, when I was marketing "illicit commodities" in 1978, my partner's and my theme song was "Working Man"...) Is it hot and humid everywhere else? As I write this, sweat is running down my chest... (don't get any ideas, Em...<g>) Ohio reminds me a lot of Baltimore, weather-wise... (Oh yeah, Em... at AC, my articles were "published", but the payment is "pending"... what's that about?) Concert trivia... once, instead of going to Ocean City, MD (a coastal resort area) on Memorial Day, a group of friends of mine and me decided to go to this "festival" at RFK Stadium, in Washington, DC. The bands on the bill were Climax Blues Band, Aerosmith, and Lynerd Skynerd. Climax Blues Band served as a good warm-up band, and then came Aerosmith. They caught me by surprise, as I didn't think I'd like them... (at the time, I hated "Dream On"... still do, in fact...<g>) Then came Skynerd... and the year was 1978, so it was about 6 months before their plane went down. They surprised me as well. Not a big fan of the vastly-overplayed "Sweet Home Alabama", they proceeded to rock the place. At one point, they were playing "The Needle and The Spoon " (and I have no idea what that song is about...<g>). the people in the upper deck were stomping their feet to the beat of the tune and you could feel the whole tier shaking... Sure, I've dated myself, but it was worth it, dammit... <g> lenny666 Yeah, it gets hot here too. Nearly the entire state is paved, so there's not much shade, either. Maybe I'm just getting old, but I have to confess that I have grown to hate air conditioning. Sure, it's a "must" at this time of year otherwise everyone would simply slow to a crawl and die. But being inside all day with the AC blasting just makes me feel like shit by the end of the day and I almost can't wait to get into that hot car and thaw for a minute. Then, I turn on the AC, of course. God Bless America. I just dig being able to go off on a topic, or to ignore it altogether if I so choose. It a pleasure to be associated with two other "liberal minded" people who don't feel compelled to resort to trotting out the typical, "What do you think about the war in Iraq?" (hate it) or, "Who do you like for president in 2008?" (none of the above) topics. So, how do you guys feel about Dick Cheney's obvious insanity and why DOES Bush always make those peculiar twitchy faces all the time? Cocaine? Lithium? Thorazine?? I obviously understand why someone would want to write a piece of fiction, but I can't for the life of me understand why someone would want to collaborate on one, campfire-style. As soon as someone who isn't good at it contributes something, it's ruined. Why go on with it? Of course, that dungeons and dragons kind of fiction practically comes with an easy-to-use template ("Be a Real Writer!"), like Mad Libs. Re: concerts. I kind of appreciate concerts more now that I am "an adult". Yeah, I have lots of cool concert memories from "back in the day". But just as many of those memories involve overly intoxicated friends and other assorted youthful hi-jinx that pretty much ruined the concert itself. Like the girlfriend that suddenly bolts into the night because you refused to go to the concession stand for her at the exact moment the band you drove two hours to see is beginning to play the song you've been waiting all night to hear. Or the guy who drunkenly stumbles while trying to negotiate the entrance, falls on his face, breaks two teeth AND is refused entry by the security staff. My friends are all old now so this bullshit doesn't happen (as frequently) anymore, so I get to enjoy the show to its fullest. Thanks for the kind words re: my writing, Dan, appreciate that. You're a true diplomat and you run a hell of a nice campfire. Emmyloo Sorry it's taken me so long to post, gentlemen. I'm just settling back down to earth after experiencing the ultimate in concert events at the Kewadin Casino in St. Ignace, Michigan: Night Ranger, featuring Special Guests, Survivor. Laugh if you must, but it was the best concert I've ever been to (except for the part where Survivor was on stage). Maybe it was the sultry Michigan evening. Maybe it was the convenience of having video poker machines at the concert venue. Maybe it was the 300 pound woman showing misguided faith in the integrity of the plastic chair upon which she danced. Either way, I reached on important conclusion: You *can* still rock in America. And Jack Blades, if you're reading this, say the word, and I'll kick my husband to the curb. I hope you got your AC money by now, Danny. I think it took a while when I was there too. I'm hoping it's not the place that won't pay you until you reach $50. I believe that's constant-content, though. I think you're right that we met after you reviewed my smart ass piece on the army. I like to think Bush makes those faces because his hard drive is defragmenting. Surely something that evil can't be human. Danno I don't know... I've been to a few shows, and one of the more memorable ones was the Frsnk Zappa show I saw at the U of Arizona, circa '80-'81. At the time, I was living with a photographer cat from Long Island who was *really* into Zappa (re: Lenny - he spent some time in Fire Island, if you get my drift... I think he approached me once... with no luck, I might add) Consequently, he camped in front of the Student Union ticket office the night before the tickets went on sale, and bought up 60 tickets... the front three rows. Anyway, another friend of mine, whom I had dubbed "Sluggo", due to his lack of daily activity, had the idea that we all dress in costume, being the concert was being held on October 30. So we did. If you're interested, I went as the "Backwards Man". I had a mask on backwards, with a cartoon-like moustachioed face, and the prerequisite backwards shirt and pants (I wonder what it was like for the people sitting behind me looking at that face all night), but even Zappa, in his second or third number, said "we looked good"... re: AC - Fuck those people... just another case of a large corporation exploiting wanna-be writers (it's a wonder they don't advertise here). They can keep the $8.47 if they want to...<g> Re:Bush - I don't even pay attention to that cat anymore... never did, really. What does he know about "the common man"? Or even the not-so-common man? He's so blue-blooded that he pisses a shade of aqua. It'd be different if he appeared to be a bit intelligent, but he doesn't, so it ain't. Re: Lenny - I may have solved my "illicit commodity" issues... and, in Ohio, because the market isn't as "demanding", if you will, they can be obtained for a lot less capital, if you will.. and that's a positive from where I sit... Emmyloo Hey Danny, I never get a notification if Lenny skips his turn. I had no idea I was up. Even worse, I've got nothing to write about. How about a new topic, illustrious leader? Danno Hey Emmy... I figured you could just riff on the outrageous things that I've said... <g> Actually, that is probably the thing that makes us the campfire that we are... maybe I should rename it to "Much Ado About Nothing"... sort of like an ongoing "Seinfeld" episode... And, I'll have you know, Miss EmmyLoo, that people are chacking up on me here... they are reading things, and *holding me to them". I poop you not... (So I'm being kinda reserved, as far as this campfire goes... contact me privately, and maybe we'll get into it...) And the new topic, dear Ami, and anyone concerned, is: Nuclear quantum physics:Is it a good thing or a bad thing? lenny666 Danny throws us a trick question! According to what little I've read regarding quantum physics, it is a good thing AND a bad thing simultaneously. My hometown has apparently been named one of America's top 100 places to live, according to some trashy "financial" magazine or another. If this crap-hole is in the TOP one hundred, this nation is in even worse shape than I thought. Seriously, it's not even a top 100 town within the state, let alone the country (unless you're bar-hopping). I'm always OK with "no topic" as a topic. If it weren't for this goddammned job which I'm forced to endure, I'd go on a much more lengthy rant about all sorts of sordid, unusual and wonderful subjects. But there's just no way to manage any "work naps" with this outfit, they're all uptight and uncool about shit like that. Sigh. I do love a nice work nap. Makes the day fly right by. Emmy, I see you agree re: the current wave of "nostalgia" concert events geared to our, uh... , "demographic". let's say. I must admit that I'd be very surprised to discover that Mr. Blades has a WdC membership. Sorry to hear about your Survivor experience, though. That had to have been difficult. Question: did they play "Eye Of The Tiger"? Did anyone start shadow-boxing when they did? Occasionally my "skip a turn" notification doesn't arrive either. Apologies if I've "held anything up". Emmyloo Quantum physics... gosh, I could go on and on. But where to begin? The Heisenberg principle? Particle wave duality? I know... let's all do the double gap experiment on our own, and then meet up here to discuss our results. You guys go first. Lenny, Survivor opened with "Burning Heart" and saved "Eye of the Tiger" for the encore. In between, they played "High on You" and "I Can't Hold Back," which shocked me, since I had thought they were the same song. Still do, actually. There was a lot of shadowboxing during Eye of the Tiger, until I told my husband to cut it out. Hey, my town is also one of the top 100 places to live in the United States. It is a fairly nice town, with a few large lakes and some unspoiled natural areas. However, it is also known for its rapidly dwindling employment opportunities and its curiously high rate of leukemia. I really hope those weren't the criteria they used to compile their list. Actually, I think it was partially based on how inexpensive the housing is, which is true enough here. The recent foreclosures due to Michigan's craptastic economy are lowering the prices even further, so I guess we can look forward to a spot on the list next year too. Danno Emmy, you crack me up.................................................................................................... lenny666 "It's My Turn", that was the title of a bad 70's era movie starring Jon Voight, if I'm not mistaken. Had a horrible theme song that may have been a minor hit. I remember this because a friend of mine was an extra in that movie (he was a kid at the time). Made quite a nice little payday from that gig, which he blew in his adulthood by financing a rock band that went nowhere. Michael Douglas may have been in it too, the movie, not the band.Small world Emmy, WE have cancer clusters here too! Maybe there's a correlation between that and the availability of housing? Hmmmm. No large lakes here, but we have some nice ponds. I wouldn't swim in them, though. There's a river too, but I wouldn't eat anything anyone dredged up from it, not on your life. Our unspoiled areas were paved over decades ago. Who needs trees when you can attain a rate of one convenience store, pizza joint or liquor store for every three residents? It's like a modern day Xanadu, if your personal vision of Utopia includes Slim Jims, calzones and Budweiser. Re: quantum physics, I tried some experimentation but the damned cat wouldn't stay in the box. What am I doing wrong here? Also, I never passed trig in high school, will this affect the outcome one way or the other? If I'm doing it wrong, doesn't that mean that somewhere I'm actually doing it right? It's a fascinating field, as soon as I finish my perpetual motion device I'll devote more time to it. Emmyloo Hey Danny... thanks for the compliment, but what's with the ellipse from hell?Are either of you Vegas fans? I'm referring to the city here, rather than the 1970s television series starring Robert Urich. I just went for the first time, and I've gotta say, I'm not a fan. Too many people, too much noise, and too much smoke. Plus, the idiot next to me at the blackjack table didn't hit on 16, kept the dealer from busting, and made me lose $20. On the plus side, I saw the Amazing Jonathan while I was there, and he was very entertaining. His schtick is that he's a magician (whose tricks never work) and a comedian (whose jokes do). Sort of hard to explain, but he was great. Far superior to Bill Engvall, who was also appearing there, and whose tickets were thankfully sold out. Remember when Vegas was trying to lure in families several years ago? Apparently, a few people didn't get the memo that their marketing campaign has switched back to "come here and have wild, deviant sex, and we swear not to tell anybody," because there were strollers everywhere, meandering past the gigantic billboards filled with naked women (okay, some of them were wearing bejewelled thongs, but still) and "Tao Steakhouse: Always a Happy Ending" slogans. Hmm... This is starting to sound like one of my blogs. In fact, I'll probably steal it and shamelessly post it there later. Speaking of, why don't either of you blog? Not interested? Think they're a waste of time, and that only losers blog? You can tell me -- I won't cry... much. Danno Eclipse from hell? Au contraire, mon frere... [grin]You know, I was invited to Vegas in about 1983.. it was only 300 miles or so from Tucson. While the all-you can-eat restaurants were appealing, I had no desire to gamble or to carouse with $500 whores (although, at the time, I was shooting 8-ball for $100 a game... but I didn't want any part of that Vegas action) Haven't blogged... nor do I care to. Ain't none of their business... My favorite place, so far (I'm going to Canada soon), would have to Mission Beach, California... kind of like a suburb of San Diego... just down the road from La Jolla... nothing rates that as a mentionable item, but I thought I would anyway... Have I ever mentioned that I was at the 1978 Preakness? I believe Spectacular Bid won. Lots of partying going on in the infield. Saw Mountain, in fact. Didn't see a horse all day... (And Emmy, you editorial babe... the ellipse was to fill the required 100 characters, instituted by me, your happy campfire director...) (Umm, Amy... ever thought of checking the campfire to see?amused grin) lenny666 Re: Las Vegas. I've had some great times in that city and as soon as I scrape together the cash and an excuse, I'm going back again (and as soon as I have the cash, any excuse will suffice). It's just such a ridiculous, unnecessary, fake and wretched place, a city designed to be experienced while in the midst of an intoxicated haze caused by too much of everything all at once. Massive and complete overkill. I like how I feel totally removed from regular "reality" while I'm there. It does my soul good, which probably tells you a lot about me. I can see how the smoking thing would bother some people, but as a smoker, it doesn't bother me at all. It's actually changed a lot there, believe it or not. When I first visited Las Vegas, smoking was permitted absolutely everywhere, even on elevators. It beats N.Y.C, where passers-by spit on smokers and goon-ish street cops club them on the kneecaps with maple (or ash) clubs. (You can't even smoke in BARS around here (or in N.Y.) anymore, yet corroding your liver at will is still socially and legally acceptable. Plus most bars around here have parking lots, which surely sends a very mixed message, doesn't it?) I actually (unknowingly) booked myself into a strictly non-smoking hotel on my last trip there, which might have been a huge problem (in more ways than one) but fortunately, there was a balcony. And it was pretty cool, too. Awesome view. Agree re: kids, though. It's pretty annoying to visit the last bastion of sin and decadence and be surrounded by the little bastards. Plus I honestly find myself feeling a tad sorry for the wee ones, what with there being just about nothing for kids to do there other than making their parents buy them things they don't need. Like fluorescent M&M's, or mechanical parrots that curse like sailors. And of course, there's the whole sex thing. Even the Vegas phone book gets a little "blue". A baffling phenomenon, this family destination notion. I mean, come on, seriously now, what kind of parent looks at Vegas and thinks, "yes, let's bring the young-uns"? (Probably the ones who call their kids "young-uns" and who think the $1.99 shrimp cocktail at three A.M. is a wise idea). I also have nothing good to say about the Vegas airport, which is just a hellish place, the domain of the stupid and the confused. Even Newark, uh, I mean "Liberty" (duh) is better, which is saying a lot. I'll also never go there again when it's hot. Dry heat my ass, one-oh-eight is too hot regardless of whether it's dry, wet or anywhere in between. Lots of really bad drivers there, too. Hey Emmy, were your feet just killing you by the end of that trip? At some of those places, you're walking for thirty minutes before you even see the exit (if you even find it). After a few of those evenings, the trudge back to my room was like a forced prison march (and I normally enjoy walking). A flashback - I was walking across of of those pedestrian bridges and it was hot, something like one-oh-four. I passed this overweight couple, I mean hugely overweight, he had to be at least four hundred plus and she was close. They were absolutely dying, just sweating and wheezing. I wondered how they were possibly going to last under that withering sun that had slowed even the youngest and fittest to a crawl. I glanced around and noticed other people appeared to be thinking the same thing. A few people asked them if they were OK, but they just nodded and refused any offers of water or aid. I guessed it was a 50-50 shot that they'd manage to make it across the bridge AND down the stairs without stopping at least once and also 50-50 that they'd manage to start going again if they did have to stop. But I was being baked alive myself, so there was no time to stick around and see how it all turned out. I made it back to my room and flipped on the local news. They were running a story about how the Vegas rescue squad had just purchased a new ambulance unit specifically designed to suit the needs of today's obese patient. I thought to myself, "holy shit, this happens here ALL THE TIME! This place is seriously fucked-up". Then I fired up a bowl and ordered myself one of those fifteen dollar room service burgers and a nine dollar root beer float. I'm just dying to go again. Re: blogging. I can appreciate anything that's well-written and entertaining and/or thought-provoking. Unfortunately, the majority of blogs are neither. I actually have a "blog" here on WdC, however I use it more as a place to rant and/or rave about anything that doesn't really merit its own WdC "item". It's just easier. I try to refrain from using it as a place to detail the boring non-events in my boring day-to-day life. Unless, of course, something truly interesting happens, like I get shot, I'm abducted by aliens, I'm gang-violated by the cast of "Charmed", stuff like that. Otherwise, I don't think anyone cares about my insane boss, or my peculiar friends, or what I think about today's imploding housing market. I mean, I don't even care about those things that much, you know? So, while I don't feel that all bloggers are "losers", I do think that too many losers have blogs. It's a huge step above things like Myspace, however, which comes complete with an easy-to-use template that allows you to show everyone with a computer just how moronic and shallow you are with a few simple clicks. "Look how vapid and empty-headed I am, here's some pics of my new tattoo, here's my new favorite song, aren't I great?" Bah. BTW, just saw "The Simpsons Movie" and I enjoyed it thoroughly. I normally despise going to the movies for all the usual reasons, but this film was a "must-see" for me. Definitely worth the hassle, although I wish there was an "adults-only" cinema somewhere (not that kind, one that shows regular movies but minus the kids). Re: 1978 Preakness. That was Affirmed, who went on to become the most recent Triple Crown winner. Alydar finished second to Affirmed in all three races (and was later murdered for the insurance money, sadly enough). The Bid won the Preakness in '79, but failed to capture the Belmont, although he was pretty damn good otherwise. Emmyloo Yes, my feet were killing me in Vegas. We walked through most of the major casinos, which was cool for a while, but then it started to feel like the battle of the ugly chandeliers. It took us an hour just to walk through the Shops at Caesar's Forum, which are very beautiful, but utterly useless unless you're in the market for an $800 handbag. (Sidenote: As it happens, I was, since our flight to Vegas was barf-bag free, and my husband got sick during the descent to Vegas airport. I let him use my purse, because that's the kind of self-sacrificing, amazing wife I am). It was 110-115 degrees when we were there, and ambulances were screaming down the road at regular intervals. Although I wasn't overly impressed, I can see your points about Vegas, Lenny, and I think maybe, just maybe, it would have been more fun if I hadn't been there with my in-laws. Just a suspicion, though. The Simpsons is a Must-See for me, too, but I can't get there until this Thursday, so thank you for not including any spoilers. My guess is that Bart defeats Voldemort, but then has to die to save his friends. I'm tempted to ask if either of you read Harry Potter, but I suspect it's too mainstream for your tastes. On the other hand, Danny has been scarce, so maybe he's been taking lots of bubble baths and devouring book 7 these past few days. So out with it, Danny: Who did you dress as for the opening night party down at your local bookstore? Danno Boy... you two are very difficult to follow... but follow I must, so I guess I'll have to kick both of your asses... [grin] In no particular order: Lenny, you surprised me by being a smoker... I mean, it shouldn't have, being you're from New Jersey and all.... [g] I've been smoking since about 1973, but I've very recently cut my consumption down to one or two cigarettes a day, Three drags, or "slugs", as my significant other calls them, is enough to satisfy me for several hours... hell, it even makes me woozy.... and I've been up around four hours and haven't partaken yet... oh yeah, in Ohio you can't smoke in bars either... Like the ponies, eh, Lenny? Question: who was the really wealthy Libertarian candidate who came out of southern NJ about 10 years back? Had like an estate sort of thing going on... (and it wasn't paved) Hey Amy... I just received a bunch (actually, four) of like refrigerator magnet-type things from Associated Content... does that mean I'm going to get paid, or does that mean I have been? Scarce? Does that mean you missed me, honey? [g] Ditto. Anybody ever heard this Faces tune, titled Cindy Incidentally: Wait a minute honey I don't think your joke's too funny I stayed up all night checkin' out the doctor's guide.... (For the younger members of our audience, The Faces consisted of Rod Stewart, Ronnie Wood, Ian McClagan, and some other guy... you might be familiar with the tune "Stay With Me"... perhaps "You Wear It Well"... maybe "Someone Like You")' I don't know why I brought that up, except that the tune has been running through my head all morning... and it was probably cut in 1972... didn't get into them until 1981 or '82, when I used to buy used records from a record store in Tucson... Al Bum's... used to buy whole boxes of papers there as well, as I didn't like to frequent those sort of places... speaking of Tucson reminds me of my familiarity with 110-115 degree temperature. The used to be one of those clock-temperature things at a bank from Tucson at my apartment... I remember looking at the clock at around 11 am and see it was already 103... Anyone ever been to Yuma? BUT... on a personal level, I'd rather have 104 degree heat with like a 2-3$ humidity level than 90 degree heat with the humidity going through the roof... but that's just me... Re: Vegas... I see it as an icon of decadence. 'Nuff said. Letting your husband barf in your purse. Now that's what I call "your better half". lenny666 Em, you’re exactly the kind of lady I’d love to hit Vegas with, selfless and willing to make those kinds of sacrifices. A total class act all the way. Any woman I’ve ever dated would have beaten me with her shoe if I dared to violate her purse in that manner. In fact, I’ve been beaten with shoes for way, way less than that. Lucky man. Oddly enough, I’ve never had the slightest bit of nausea while flying. I get motion-sick if I turn around too fast in an office chair, yet flying doesn’t affect me at all. I once bent over in a moving car to retrieve a fallen french fry and ended up with a horrible case of vertigo that lasted for a week. I saw a doctor and he told me there was no cure other than “rest”. I replied that “resting” was pretty much the only thing I could do without falling over and throwing up on myself and it wasn’t helping up to that point. Then one day I woke up and poof, it was gone. Everyone thought I’d completely lost it, but it was as real as the rain and I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone. One-fifteen??? Ouch. I love Vegas, but not that much. Last year I visited Hoover Dam (they call it something else now) with a few Vegas newbies on a hundred and ten degree afternoon. The thing about Hoover Dam is, after you “ohh” and “ahh” over the scenery and the massiveness of the dam itself, there isn’t a whole lot else to do, unless you want to shell out for the tour, where they “wand” you (damn terrorists) and let you look at huge pieces of otherwise very uninteresting machinery. Anyway, it was so freaking hot that I abandoned my plan to walk over the border line between Nevada and Arizona repeatedly, annoying everyone by saying, “Now I’m in Arizona. Now I’m in Nevada” over and over. Two different time zones too, so you can technically travel back and forth through time there. I didn’t need the hour that badly, however, so because it was too hot, I skipped it. Probably for the best. Amazing photo opportunities there, though. If either of you ever go, let me know, it might just be the excuse I need. My last visit was slightly marred by the presence of a friend who, in his rush towards middle-agedness, has developed a rather serious case of the “lames”. On the penultimate evening of our long-awaited and planned trip, this dude actually went to bed at 9:30 (P.M). Hell, I don’t even start gambling (except on horses or sports) until midnight. I was aghast, in stunned disbelief over his staggering lack of fortitude. It was his loss, while the bum was sleeping away his vacation, I was winning $900 from an Elvis slot machine, I witnessed a huge prostitute round-up (I had no idea) and I shot the breeze with some weird Israeli dude who was apparently pimping for a gaggle of amazingly attractive Russian girls (nope, I politely declined). In contrast, Capt. Lameowitz woke up at seven, read the newspaper (can do that at home), went to the gym (ditto) and was bored senseless by the time I rolled out of bed at one-ish. It’s not really a place for “day” people, those unfortunate souls. Re: Potter, nope, but I have a friend whose sister does the whole thing, costumes and all. She was also a hardcore Trekkie back in the day. There was a funny Harry Potter reference in the Simpsons movie, though. I’ve said too much. Honestly, it was exactly like watching a four-part episode (which is what made it good). Nope, never been to Yuma, although I spent a week in Kingman AZ one afternoon. Believe it or not, I’d never pumped my own gas until I had to visit a station in Kingman. No one in N.J. pumps their own gas. I nearly leveled the place. I fled the scene before Hazmat arrived and/or the conflagration began. I glanced in the rearview a few times and I saw no orange glow so I guess it turned out OK. Interestingly enough, many New Jerseyans(?) seem to WANT self-serve gas, which seems odd to me. I like being able to sit there while someone else does that for me. I hate pumping my own gas. Not sure re: the libertarian. But yes, I do enjoy a good horse race, although they don’t seem to breed them as well as they used to, no? Those great horses from the 1970’s would devour any of the nags racing today, no question. I don’t hit the track nearly as much as I once did. I wasted an entire summer at Freehold raceway in 1986, betting on those raggedy pacers and trotters. Did pretty well, too. Never eat racetrack food, though, bad idea. There was a track here in Jersey (now defunct) called Garden State, whose cafeteria (also defunct) has been linked to several cases of (gulp) Mad Cow disease (eep). Don’t – eat – at – the - track, people. This new job of mine is beginning to seriously grate on my nerves. The people are very nice, almost to a fault, but they don't really express much emotion during the workday. It's like working with Vulcans. I mean, for example, today I had to threaten a particularly crotchety and balky printer with physical violence and these people were looking at me like I just goosed the Pope. The thing is, to put it politely, a piece of shit yet they treat it like it's their kindly but senile beloved Auntie Eunice or something. I'm not sure if I really "fit in" with this lot. The story of my life. Plus I kind of feel bad for them. They're so sincere about their business, but little do they know that corporate bankruptcy seems to follow me around from employer to employer. Oh well, they'll see for themselves soon enough, if history is any indication. I leave that bit of info off the resume, BTW. Danno I’m sorry, lady and gentlemen, for my recent tardiness, but I have the following reasons to choose from at your leisure: a) my computer was stolen by a crackhead on a binge, and it has taken this long to recover it. b) I was involved in a high-speed chase with the police... and I swear those fuckers never woulda caught me if I hadn’t blown that tire. c) I was busy doing some leveraged buyouts in New York City. d) Hey! I’m in Ohio, okay... need I say more? e) I just blew it off. And, I sort of violated our “triumvirate” pact... his name is Myndian Rotularen (well, that’s what he says), and he’s prepared to match wits with us, “The Triumvirate”. With no further adieu... (don’t you hate that error?) (And Em... I'd like to "hit" Vegas with you as well... know what I'm saying?<g>) lenny666 Hey Dan, while I was awaiting my next turn, I decided to kill a little time in N.Y.C. I saw a guy with a laptop in Starbuck's who appeared to be busily leveraging and buying things out. Anyway, real sorry I didn't stop by and say "hey". Correct me if I'm wrong, but I seem to recall Myndian from one of your previous conflagrations...oops, pardon me, "campfires". Welcome to our humble little group, Myndian. Your turn to present a topic, we're totally tapped. No pressure, though, as we all agree that rules and conformity are somewhat stifling as far as our creative output is concerned. Check this out. On Sunday evening, I renewed my paid WdC membership. I open Monday's mail and discovered that WdC had ALREADY sent me a "thank-you" gift (a highlighter marker). That's some impressive customer service, no? It nearly borders on obsessive/fanatical, in fact. When I renewed my membership with bestialnecrophilia.com, they didn't send me squat, those skinflints! Emmyloo Welcome, Myndian. Don't worry -- my wits have gone begging, so you'll only have to match yours with Lenny and Danny. Hey, on a completely related topic, here's something we've never discussed: crazy parents. Anybody have a set laying around? Mine are moving from my childhood home, but here's the thing: they've been saying that for 12 years, and still, no sign in the yard. During that time, they've been moving their copious amounts of crap out to a friend's pole barn. There's a glitch, though. The friend with the pole barn is moving now, so they have to find a place to store their crap. It can't go back in my parent's house, because they're delusional and think they're actually moving too. Purely by coincidence, I happened to move into a house built by a madman, and I have a garage that doubles as a half-court basketball court. Really -- three cars wide, two cars deep, and two stories. Naturally, my parents want to bring their crap up here "until they build their house." My Dad's hobby is going to auctions, so their crap includes: 1) Enough lumber to build the house they're never going to build 2) 40,000 wood screws (because you never know when you might need 40,000 wood screws) 3) A golf cart that doesn't run because it needs a battery, which will cost $600 to replace. My parents don't have $600, nor do they golf. 4) A hydraulic lift, plus 4 metal pillars to support the lift (like you'd see at a Quickie Lube) My brother, who has the unfortunate luck to own a pick-up truck, has been the one to help my Dad move all this crap from home to pole barn. When I told him our parents want to move it all up to my garage (I live three hours from my parents, by the way), his eyes got wide. He said they'd never fit it all, and that my parents were underestimating their crappage by about 4,000 cubic tons. So if I skip a turn next time around, it's because I'm out in my garage, trying to upsell a $9.99 oil change to include a new air filter and a set of windshield wipers. Jason Goldstein Thank you all for the kind welcome. Lenny's suspicions that I have previously infiltrated your triumvirate are indeed well-founded. Though I lost my wit several years ago in a tragic accident involving a pencil sharpener, a cattle prod, a syringe filled with Vaseline® and a guy named Peggy, I'll strive to maintain at least a modicum of coherent thought in my posts... Wordy - Consider Revising. You guys ever get this crap? Think way back to high school. For some of you this may take more effort than others. Basically, this translates into, "You used a lot of big words that I don't understand in a string of words longer than I've ever seen between a capital letter and a period." Don't ask me where I was going with that. I get sidetracked sometimes. My therapist assures me that with time, the medication I'm not taking will make it better. Second (or was it third?) on the agenda: How much do you want for 14,368 of those wood screws Emmyloo? Don't give me any flak about using punctuation in parentheses mid-sentence either. I've been told that I have an excellent "command" of the English language, so I figured I might as well take charge of it. What good is having a command if you don't get to make any rules? Also, some of you might have noticed that I go by a different name now. I can assure you that this is no real significance. I just figured it was about time for a Jewish pen name. I hope that somewhere in all this mindless drivel there is a topic to be found. Thank you again for the warm welcome, but for now I must bid you all "ado". (Bet you didn't know I spoke Frenglish, did you Danny?) Danno A guy named Peggy? Sounds like a story to me... Yeah, due to my endless parade of campfires, once in a while a name will elude me.... but I still do them well, no? "Frenglish"... sounds perverted. [g] (so, Ami.... you think we ought to to put this thing out for public consumption? At what rate? 75? 100? 125? Being the GP whore that you are (your term), I figured you'd be the one to go to....) Myself, I've been establishing a militia to overturn the government of Alabama... and then Ohio, simply because it needs it. Alabama needs no explanation... Ohio, on the other hand, needs some... I hope y'all acquire it. I always end these things with a "fuck! I should've included that!" Not this time. lenny666 RE: crazy parents - if you can define buying 72 rolls of paper towels at a time because they're "on sale" as a sign of insanity, then yes, I still have one. Mom is very well-equipped for any future spill catastrophes, at least through 2012. As an adoptee, I was never fully certain whether my various insanities and quirks were due to environment or genetics. It turns out that it's both and there's nothing you can really do about it, either. Interesting stuff. I'm all for a militia devoted to overthrowing N.J.'s alleged "government" but there are so damn many of them we'd be hopelessly outnumbered. That's our state problem, it's all a scam and everyone's in on it. Speaking of N.J. government, some oafish state senator or representative or lackey introduced a bill to proclaim some awful Bon Jovi tune as our official "state anthem". This prompted me to immediately rent a Ryder truck, which is already filled with my stuff and idling 24-7 in my driveway in anticipation of this atrocity actually going through. I'll have to move to a state with a classy state anthem, like Kentucky or something. No way I'm going to a Trenton Thunder game and removing my hat while "Who Says You Can't Go Home" blares from the P.A. Just kidding. I'd never actually go to a Trenton Thunder game, or even enter Trenton for that matter. But I was serious re: that song. That'd have to be the final straw. Jason Goldstein You know, it would be nice if WdC bothered to notify me when it was my turn on this bloody campfire. Thanks for keeping me up to speed, Danno.Anyway, I never have quite been able to wrap my mind around the intricacies of the female shopping gene. It would seem to me that women have been somehow programmed to completely ignore the amount of money that they are SPENDING, preferring to focus more on how much they are SAVING. I explain it to my wife like this: If you are at the store and you purchase something simply because it is "ON SALE", it probably wasn't something that you needed in the first place. So while you tell me that you SAVED $25, you spent $75 that you didn't need to spend to begin with. If you hadn't bought the goddamn thing, you could have saved $75--That's an additional 200% of savings over the $25 that you supposedly saved--compared to only a 25% savings off the original inflated purchase price. Needless to say, she doesn't get it. I'm not sure if she doesn't understand the math, or if it has something to do with the ignore-any-advice-given-to-you-because-you-already-know-it-all gene that is also present in 99% of females. Danno I was walking through town the other night. and this fetching young woman approached me. "Hey mister, need a date?" she asked me. "First of all, who the hell are you calling *mister*? I'm probably only 20-25 years older than you... And on the topic of needing a date, yes I do - how about June 25th?" I retorted. (Actually, that's just a bit I've been meaning to get into something I write, but the timing never seemed right....) Wow, Jason... you're married? Who woulda thunk? My smoking has increased as of late.... yeah, I smoke about 8-10 cigarettes a day these days.... which is still a considerable improvement over the 30 I used to smoke, but still.... you've heard of "stress-eating"? Then you can swallow "stress-smoking".... and don't get me started on "stress-drinking"... (not that I do, but just don't get me started...) Anyone else a fan of chipotle? My significant other cooked up some chipotle steak that was to fucking die for... I poop you not.... just thought I'd mention that... And we should pay reverence to Emmy, the only member of our prestigious group without a penis (that I know of) - that says something, doesn't it? And you heard it here first, kids... "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy." (And WdC objected to that phrase on my bio as well - they wanted to know *what* was in the bottle.) Lame bastards. lenny666 RE: chipotle. Funny you should mention that. A few days ago I found a container of chipotle flavored peanuts in the break room at work. I'd never heard of chipotle before, but I was starving so I figured they'd be better than nothing. I ended up finishing the entire canister, those things are addictive. What is chipotle, exactly? I still smoke close to a pack a day. I'm not going to make some kind of ridiculous attempt to paint it as anything other than what everyone knows it really is. Although I still derive some pleasure from the habit, it's an addiction and a truly filthy and ruinous vice as well. Damned Carolina smoothness, if only they weren't so mild and refreshing. Say, I think I'll have one RIGHT NOW, as a matter of fact...mmmm, that's rich. Welcome to Flavor Country. I'd prefer cannabis as both an everyday smoke and as a stress reliever, but unfortunately, it simply isn't "socially acceptable", so I have to keep up the charade...uh, I mean not use it because, you know, it'd be "wrong". Plus I'm afraid that it might become a "gateway" drug that'd lead me straight into the waiting arms of sweet lady H. Five decades of intensive study and scrutiny has proven that "not enough is known" about the long-term effects of cannabis use. So I'm waiting until our government gives cannabis the same stamp of approval given to wonderful and benign substances like aspartame, beef hormones and Paxil before I try it. I would be willing to allow myself to be used as a test subject in further cannabis clinical research, so if you hear of anyone looking to fund such a thing, by all means please let me know. Especially if it involves free airfare to Amsterdam. In the interests of science and so forth. Emmyloo Hey, did you guys just call me a penis-free, shopping-addicted GP whore while I was gone and unable to defend myself? I'll have you know, I do happen to have a penis. On call, anyway. As for the other stuff...I don't know if GP gifts would increase our readership. I'd personally run if I saw something this long and frightening. You could try sponsoring it instead. It costs more money (about 1K/click), but I've done it before and gotten good results. By "good results," I mean spending 25,000 and getting two or three decent reviews. Chipolte's are ripe jalapeno peppers. I hesitated to look that up, because I don't want to get pigeonholed as the girl in the group who knows all about cooking, feelings, child-rearing, driving correctly, etc., but I've wondered myself, so I gave in this once. As far as shopping goes, I'm personally not a big fan. I will agree that women (even above average ones such as myself) fall prey to the "spend money to save money" philosophy. That's the whole premise behind coupons, and yes, they have our number. If I can buy a box of cheese crackers that I don't need for only $2.99 instead of $3.49, I'm in heaven. I'm also extremely prone to stop by the obscenely overpriced make-up counter if there's a "Gift with Purchase" to buy a fragrance I'll never use just so I get the gift filled with cosmetics I'll never wear. It's a sickness. Somehow, I just know it's George Bush's fault. On the topic of men and "saving" money, though, I would like to present exhibit A: my deck. We put a new railing on it last year, so it needs to be stained this fall. My husband didn't want to spend the money, so we're "saving" by having him do it himself. Here's how it's gone down so far: 1) Trips to Home Depot for supplies (stain, sand disks, brushes, sprayer, etc.): $500 2) Power washer rental: $100 3) Gas for power washer: $35 4) Replacement for carpet after gas can tipped over in minivan: $250 (that's the car insurance deductible) It's been two months since we started the project. There's stain all over the siding, whereas the deck itself is only 10% done, and my husband has decided we should hire somebody who knows what the hell they're doing. Said person will now have to remove the stain my husband applied, which looks like it was done by squirrels holding brushes in their mouths. editor's note (Actually, chipotle is smoked-dried jalapenos... my significant other looked it up... and she's a professional...) Jason Goldstein Poor Emmyloo. I wasn't picking on you, though. I was picking on all women. It just so happens that you're the only one of the female persuasion that our fearless group leader has invited to the campfire. In fact, you may be the only talented female writer out there. Does that sound chauvinistic? Good.1) Trips to Home Depot for supplies (stain, sand disks, brushes, sprayer, etc.): $500 2) Power washer rental: $100 3) Gas for power washer: $35 4) Hiring someone who knows what the hell they’re doing in the first place: Priceless. There are some things in life you can’t buy. For everything else, there are sexual favors. Anyway, my grandmother died Saturday due to complications caused by lung cancer. You’ll be happy to know that I am still smoking. Or maybe you won’t. Either way, I don’t care. That just about sums up my random thought train for this evening. I hope you have all enjoyed the ride. Please wait until the vehicle has come to a complete stop before. . . SPLAT! Mmm... Onomatopoeia. Danno Jason... he's a hoot, ain't he? Let's pause for a brief moment, just for the fuck of it... You know, this has kind of caught me off guard... I didn't expect you people to respond so quickly... (well, mainly Em) Maybe it's time for a topic change... But then again, maybe it's not. I mean, who am I to change the topic arbitrarily? Sure, I may be the group "leader", but that's just a label... no? And fuck, Lenny will come in with his sixteen paragraph saga, practically blowing me away (and I resent him big time for that) [just kidding, Lenny] And Ami... I dream of her nightly... no, I really do... it's not a good dream though...[grin] Hey Jason... did you know of the musician John Prine? (might be a little dated for you... hell, for everyone here...) He did a tune called "Onomatopoeia"... pretty nifty tune too, if I recall... So tell me, who knows of John Prine? And I was going to change the topic to something sounding like a college course name, something like "Perspectives On American Living". Or "Transitions In The World Society". Or even "Heterosexual Sex: A Good Thing Or A Bad Thing?" But I didn't want to be too dictatorial... so I decided, "Naah... fuck it." lenny666 My ISP has, without my consent, switched me to the "hurry up and do everything you need to do online RIGHT NOW because we can't guarantee our service will be working at any given time" plan. Despite my pleas, they will not change my service back to my old, reliable plan unless I consent to allowing some repair dude to come by at a time that suits Cablevision's special needs (at my expense, no less). The hours I've spent on the phone with "tech support" has indeed confirmed that yes, my service stinks. Cablevision certainly doesn't skimp on TV advertising but their Internet service is hit or miss lately, at best.So I have to hurry up and post because if I don't do it while my Optimum Online service is up and running, it might be hours or days before I get another chance. It's short and sweet for today, but trust me my friends, the anger is building and soon there's no question that I'm going to snap, which is bad for me but might make for some fairly entertaining reading. Emmyloo Hmm -- John Prine. Sort of in the folk/rock genre, right? Not familiar with the Onomotopaeia song, but I do remember a duet with Emmylou Harris from several years ago. I'm getting my deck stained by three young guys today. And no, that's not a euphemism, so get your mind ot of the gutter Danny. Anyway, it's not going well. The guy gave me an estimate last week for powerwashing the house and staining the deck. Turns out, he forgot to measure two sides of the house, so it's gonna cost $400 more. Now... correct me if I'm wrong, but a house only has four sides, so isn't it sort of a stretch to forget two of them? Is it possible he thought I lived in one of those two-dimensional houses that are so popular these days, even though the storage space is crap, and they tend to blow over in strong wind storms? Oddly enough, the guy remembered those pesky extra sides after he cashed my check, but before he cleaned off the stain that Jackson Pollack (aka hubby) sprayed all over my siding. In conclusion, my Perspective on my American Life is that I'm getting screwed over, and not in a Good Heterosexual Sex kind of way. I don't know what a Transition in World Society is, so I can't comment on that, but I do wish the deck guys would transition their asses over to my house to finish the job, as I've seen no trace of them since they left Monday afternoon. Jason Goldstein Jesus, is it my turn again? This campfire is moving along faster than a greased cheetah on a Slip 'N' Slide®.I'm looking forward to Lenny's next entry on Opium Online, provided of course that he is able to log on. Anyway, it's late and I'm tired. It was also deadline today at the paper, so I don't feel like reading, writing, or editing anything else. So there. And now for something completely different... (Psst... That's your cue, Danno!) Danno First off, you're funnier than hell, Em... (and take whatever euphemism you may find...<g>)Let's see... I had a whole wad of stuff that I was going to lay on "The Fourumvirate", but I guess it sort of escapes me now.... So here goes - Hey Lenny, whattaya pay for a pack of smokes there in NJ? They're appreciably higher here in Ohio as opposed to West Virginia... so is liquor. With beer, it isn't the case. I never knew that Ohio had so many Quakers... hell, the town's high school football team is named "The Salem Quakers". (and "Quaker" is a funny little word) There's even a liquor store named "Quaker Something-or-other"... I poop you not. Lessee... so, Em, what's it like in sub-suburban Michigan? Sort of like a Desperate Housewives sort of scenario?<g> And Lenny... the Libertarian guy was from southern NJ... where they even had grass and stuff... And NYC... that was you, Lenny? <g> And we have to cut Jason a little slack... being that he writes for a local paper and all... he really writes for the New York Times... the political section, I believe... I met him while I was checking out a band in Greenwich Village... And there you have it, lady and gentlemen... another stellar entry from me, Danno... (you can call me Danny, Dan, or Daniel... just don't call me... collect.) (Footnotes: yeah, he was a folk-type songwriter- musician... in the early '70s... aren't we precocious?<g> The other footnote I've forgotten... big deal.<g>) Oh, I know... my addition was the 100th one... how's that for longevity? (and I know what you're thinking, Em...<g>) lenny666 First of all, I have to say that these recent allegations of criminal wrongdoing by O.J. Simpson have left me shocked beyond words. Hopefully the cops get to the bottom of this and track down the REAL armed robbers. Re: cigarettes, usually somewhere around six fifty a pack, sad, isn't it? Once in a while I go over to Penn. and get cartons for somewhere around fifty-five, but only when I'm near Pennsy for some other reason, which isn't really too often. Opium Online, I like that line a lot. Usually it works fine. My definition of "fine" is that it works well enough that I never notice it at all. That's what one would expect from ISP service that costs $49.95 a month, no? Cablevision seems to assume that their customers are blithering morons incapable of even identifying what their modem looks like without step-by-step automated instructions. Judging by the incessant sales pitches one is forced to endure while waiting to be transferred to "customer service", they also assume their customers really like ordering pro wrestling pay-per-view events too. Their "tech support" consists of underpaid lackeys reading from a card (likely printed in large block letters). The help they offer consists of them asking you to pull the plug on the modem, waiting sixty pointless seconds and then plugging it back in again, at which point you inform them that their service still isn't working. Then they schedule a service call for you which, if the issue is deemed to be on "your end", will cost you fifty bucks. The service calls take place during the workday, of course, and they require you to be home for large portions of the day, which requires some people (like me) to not be at work, which makes for all sorts of unpleasantness for Lenny. "All very uninteresting, dude" I hear you saying. Very true. But this is where it gets a little odd. Just last year all the cable hardware here was completely upgraded, top to bottom. My machine is running at tip-top efficiency. Everything cable-related on this property has been running glitch and complaint free for a year and a half. Since Labor Day, my service has been cutting in and out seemingly for no good reason. One minute it's fine, then all of a sudden it goes out for an hour or two, then suddenly pops back to life again. Here's the odd part. Since the outages began, I've called them three times. Each time I called, my service had been out for a lengthy period of time. Each time, within five minutes of the call's end, the service suddenly came back on as if nothing had happened. Then I'd call back, cancel the visit and within a day or two my service would die again. So, my service goes out, I call the cable company, they cannot help me, they line me up with a service call which may be at my expense, then the service is suddenly restored again. So, when the cable guy shows up, everything works fine and I get billed for wasting his valuable time (and he gets to "suggest" other fine Cablevision "upgrades" while he's here). Does this sound like a scam to anyone else, or am I just being paranoid? I mean seriously, isn't it obvious that they're just messing with my mind here? The service was out on Friday evening, I called, lined up a visit for tomorrow (Monday) morning, the service returned immediately and has been fine all weekend. I'm canceling my service visit in a few hours, so I might be offline again at any given time. This is the kind of shit that only happens to me, I swear. It can't just be a simple problem, it has to be weird as well. Emmyloo Hmm -- I'm not usually one for conspiracy theories, but I have to admit Lenny, that I'm picturing a bunch of sadistic cable company techies laughing their asses off around a computer screen every time you call. Cadillac is more like sub-sub-sub-suburban Detroit, Danny. It's almost 5 hours from the city. We have Traverse City an hour to the north, and then nothing but Uppers (pronounced, "You-pers," as in Upper Peninsula residents), Canadians and baby seals as far as the eyes can see. This is pretty much the place everybody else in the state comes every weekend for ice fishing, deer hunting, and snowmobiling. In other words, the Wal-Mart is infested with orange-vest sporting accountants every weekend in the Fall, and teenagers buying S'more supplies every day in the Summer. It's my own little paradise, it is. We do boast a first-class education system, with priorities firmly in place, as the kids get the first day of hunting season off every year. I did live in suburban Detroit (in an apartment in Warren, just down the street from Eminem) for two years. It wasn't so bad, but I was working as a telemarketer at the time, so the thought of those days still gets me a little nauseated. Jason Goldstein I'm having a shitty week. Perhaps next time I will have something profound to say.Give me ambiguity, or give me... something else. Zay (Editor's note: Someone else wants to join our prestigious group.... her name is Zay. She’s a bright, intelligent witty woman. And I think I’m going to let her in... she happens to be a friend of mine... So let's give her a big Jive Talkin' hand [grin]) Greetings all. Wow! Talk about fast. I didn't think it would be my turn so soon. I've been reading you all for a while now so I asked your fearless leader if I could join and he let me in. He can be a real sweetheart sometimes. Side note to Danny: Oops, I forgot to do that thing I told you I'd do when I wrote my first entry, but imagine that I'm doing it anyway. I got so excited it was my turn that I just jumped right in. Lenny I can relate to your cable issues. I used to have problems like that several years ago, but it was with the electric company. Unfortunately for this city girl, Alaskan winters and heavy snow make for some pretty interesting times without electricity. I'll leave your minds to wander. The imagaination is a wonderful thing and I can be such a tease. Emmyloo, your Uppers sound like where I live, but in the summer it's the fisherman in the local Fred Meyer's store in their hip waders. Have you ever noticed a man's legs and butt when he's wearing tight jeans and hipwaders? Whew, I get excited just thinking about it, but I digress. Then there are the motorhomes in the parking lot from May through September. Who drives all the way from the "Lower 48" to visit Alaska and all its scenic glory and then camps in the grocery store parking lot? What are those people thinking! I'm just glad another tourist season is over. I've been here for almost 20 years now and haven't bagged me one yet. Oh I can't let the comments about men and their projects get by me. I've had a deck on the back of my house for about 3 years now. The first summer it never got stained or sealed after it was built. The second summer, the weathered boards from sitting with four feet of snow on them for six months, got turned over so they were all new looking again, never got stained or sealed. Another winter and summer has passed on and so has the man. I guess I'm on my own next summer to "get'er done". I'll manage though, I installed laminate flooring in my house last winter, so I'm a "can do" kind of gal. Well I can be rather verbose so I am going to stop for now. Take it easy on me since I'm a newbie, please. I must have killed the leader of the last campfire I was involved in because after my first post, I never got another turn. Danno >There are some things in life you can’t buy. For everything else, there are sexual favorsThat was a great line, Mr. Goldstein. You ought to be a writer or something... (and is that “stine” or is it “steen”... you people confuse me...[g]) Wow, Lenny... I watch Yankees games all the time in Ohio... (on the YES network... I’ve turned the signicant other into quite a Yankees fan... and she really digs Andy Pettitte) ...and I see Optimum Online ads all the time here... I have Time-Warner... they suck too.., the same people that own AOL, so it sorta follows.... when I first got here, their service was really “spotty”. We have one of those digital phone, cable, and broadband deals. But now everything is fine. At first, I thought it had might have compatibility issues with Vista (hey Jason; how do you get those little registered trademark symbols?), but I think it was an overload issue... I haven’t told anyone about the cat “Delaney” (whom my significant other named from a character in one of my stories), have I? Yeah, this beautiful calico cat showed up on my doorstep one night a little bit after I first got here while I was outside smoking a cigarette. I called Terri to come take a look at this cat. She thought I was fucking with her (which I am prone to do... [g]), so it took me about 5 requests to get her to come to the door. Anyway, she “kitty, kittied” it, gave her some food, and the rest is, as they say, is history. Turns she was about 5 weeks away from delivering six kittens. We kept two. Miryn (initially Myron, until we found out she was a girl... and she’s a “purr-box”; cute as hell as well) and Mojito (formerly Stage Left, due to the black mark on the left of his nose, then Blanco Y Negro [he’s black and white]. Mojito’s a hoot... and the only male cat in the house [we had them all “fixed” of course, as any responsible household would do]. Kind of looks like a skunk. Except for his big furry black tail. Heck, maybe he is part-skunk... without the odor. He’s a funny little cat, though. Little beady eyes as well. Onomatopoeia Forty-five minutes Forty-five cents Sixty-five agents sitting on a fence Singing, hey brother Look what we got for you We're gonna rope off an area And put on a show From the Canadian border Down to Mexico It might be the most Potentially gross Thing that we could possibly do Yeah, little buddy gonna get your chance Make them pubescents all wet their pants We'll record it live And that's no jive. Hold it! Stop it! No! No! No! No! Bang! went the pistol. Crash! went the window. Ouch! went the son of a gun. Onomatopoeia I don't wanna see ya Speaking in a foreign tongue. Knock! Knock! Hello! Can I come in? Gee, that was a wonderful show! Oh, you haven't gone on yet? Well, how was I supposed to know? Hey! We got a great date It's really downtown We're gonna get the Grand Canyon To do the sound It's a boxing ring But it might be the thing To really put you in the dough Listen little brother, don't ya get us wrong Why we even know the words to your song Just say I do And we'll lay it on you You! You! And me! Me! Me! Bang! went the pistol Crash! Went the window Ouch! Went the son of a gun Onomatopoeia I don't want to see ya Speaking in a foreign tongue. One of his better-known tunes is “Dear Abby”. > did live in suburban Detroit Em, do you say “de-TROIT”. or “DEE-troit”? Just wondering. >He can be a real sweetheart sometimes. Sometimes? Why, I ought to be offended.... (well, I ought tp be, but I’m not) As anyone here can tell you, I’m a sweetheart *all* of the time... (well, I paid them beforehand). Next entry, Zay, tell them about dodging mooses (or would that be “meese”?) up there on the tundra. I still want that moose steak, Zay... Over and out. lenny666 I've discovered that my cable Internet service works fine as long as I have a service call pending. Early last week it went kaput again. I called (again) and scheduled a service visit (at a very inconvenient time, I might add). Miraculously (ha) the service began working fine within five minutes of scheduling the visit and it's been working fine ever since.I just call them the evening before my scheduled appointment and change it to another day so that according to their records, I always have one pending. So far this strategy has worked like a charm, thus (kind of) proving my theory that this is some sort of scam. When they finally get around to asking me why I have changed my service appointments on multiple occasions, I will simply inform them that as far as this customer is concerned, the jig is up on their little con and it ends here or else I go public and blow the lid off this scheme entirely. Welcome to the group, Zay. I must admit that I've also wondered (really) about the plural of "moose". Is it "mooses", "meese" or just "moose"? None of them sound right to me. I wish I had more to offer in the way of creative writing on this otherwise fine evening, but unfortunately (for everyone that knows me) I have been in the midst of an especially curmudgeonly mood swing that requires me to retire to the sweat lodge I built behind my Unabomber-style shack out in the woods. I will rest there on my sitting log, consuming morning glory seeds, sweating and meditating to the sounds of Blue Cheer's "Sun Cycle" until this state of mind passes and I fall back in love with the world (or at least until I become "just friends" with it again). And if that doesn't help, I'll just go to my idiotic job tomorrow and take it out on my coworkers. They've been "asking for it" lately anyway. Hey Danny, that cat was awfully fortunate that you didn't entirely kick the tobacco habit, no? Nice story, I never took you for a "cat person". You're beginning to mellow, dude. Speaking of cats, I have one myself. Today he found and killed a cricket that was driving me absolutely mad. He really went to town on it, he rendered that poor bug into nothing but a few shredded legs within a minute or two. Quite a brutal display, I was almost in awe of how this ordinarily friendly and laid-back cat could possess such bloodlust and savagery. He didn't seem to appreciate it much when I sucked up the remains of his kill with the Dustbuster, but hey, enough was enough, that bug wasn't getting any deader. Emmyloo Hi Zay, and welcome to the group! It's a pleasure to have another woman around to balance out some of this testosterone overload, what with Danny waxing poetic about his kitty cats and the discovery that Lenny is feeling moody and irritable. ;)Danny, you're a cat person and a Yankee's fan? Cripes, it's a good thing I'm already sitting down, because I was shocked by that information. Plus, I have a laptop computer, and it makes it much easier to type if I'm sitting. Anyway, I'm a cat person too. We have three strapping orange males -- Newton, Bob and Scruffy. I'll let you guess which one was named by my 5-year-old daughter. All are fixed, of course. In honor of this unprecedented look into Danny's softer side, here's a little Highlights magazine cat trivia, just in case you missed it the last time you were at the dentist's office: Did You Know? Most people know that all calicos are female, but did you know most orange cats (~90%) are male? There, now you're all set to wow your friends and family at your next cocktail party. No, please, don't thank me, it was my pleasure. Huh. A Yankee's fan. Sheesh. You think you know a person... Zay Greetings again! I hope I didn't run Jason off. I knew all calicos were female, but not that most orange cats are male. I've never owned a calico, but come to think of it, all the orange cats, including the one I have now, have been males. I have had a variety of animals, dogs, cats, fish, birds, and goats. By far, cats are the easiet pets to have, right up there with the fish. Speaking of animals, the plural of moose is moose, unless I'm mistaken, but it could be moosies. I've often heard caribou called bou bou, but that could just be an Alaskan thing.We are having a Fall Fun Day at work this weekend and the theme is hunting. Of course the administrative staff is in charge of food, since the public really doesn't give a rats ass about government paperwork. The food theme is wild game and different ways of cooking it. I have the pleasure of making some sort of wild duck tortilla soup. No, I didn't shoot the ducks, but our refuge manager did, along with a few geese for the gumbo. I'm just glad we are serving something besides salmon. It should be a fun event at any rate. Since I'm talking about work, I should say that I really enjoyed reading the posts about the wildlife attacks on humans (the sea lion attack on the Australian). I wanted to jump in and respond because I had lots of opinions about wildlife and stupid-human interactions. You see, I work for the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service. Now that I've admitted to being a "Fed", I could have opened the door for all sorts of pot shots. Hey Danny, I'm particularly interested in knowing what happened the last time you let a friend join the group. Do expound, please. And Danny, you say you want moose steak, but I know better. Oh, Danny wanted me to tell you about dodging moose. They are everywhere, but if you do happen to see one, I can guarantee it's going to be it's butt. I do think that the moose up here are in cahoots with the insurance companies. You would think that most people could see an animal that weighs almost 1,000 pounds and stands over 6 feet tall and avoid hitting it with their cars, but they manage to hit abour 400 or so a year on the Kenai Peninsula. The moose seem to stand by the road and wait for an unsuspecting motorist to drive by and then jump out in front of them. Fortunately, I've never hit a moose since I've been here. Personally, I'd rather dodge thousands of moose than drive the Baltimore beltway. Lenny, I wish my black kitty, Cleopatra, would only eat crickets. She weighs a whopping 6 pounds and is 11 years old. Cleo has always been a vicious predator. If she catches it, she eats it. I find rabbit skin pouches, vole stomachs, bird feet, squirrel tails, and if I interrupt her, a headless squirrel. A few weeks ago, she climbed in through the hole in the bedroom window screen and proceeded to eat her midnight vole snack on my bedroom carpet. I've since fixed the screen. Hey Em, bet your daughter named the kitty Bob. I had a kitty named Newton once; she was a very nice cat. Thanks for the warm welcome everyone, except for Jason, who I think I either ran off or his week is still in the crapper. Oh and Danny, those trademark thingies, you can get them by copying them from your character map ®. Mine's a bit on the small side. Danno Yes, I happen to be a Yankees fan. But I think I came about it in a different fashion.Okay, when I was young, I was naturally right-handed. So, about when I was 5, my father promptly bought me a left-handed baseball glove. So, consequently, I’m ambidextrous. I write with my right hand, and throw, bat, and kick with my left. My father always wanted me to switch-hit (purely in a baseball sense, you understand). In fact, he wanted me to be the next Mickey Mantle . But I was never patient enough to learn to bat right-handed. Plus, in little league, they would usually put the poorest fielder in right field. It was a definite advantage, hitting lazy fly balls to left, where’d they be bobbled by the bumbling right fielder, and inexplicably turn into triples. And everyone knows how eccentric and idiosyncratic left-handers can be. In little league, the only position that I didn’t play was catcher, due to the paucity of left-handed catcher’s mitts. No worries, though. It’s no coincidence that they call catcher’s gear “the tools of ignorance”. Back to my father’s influence. He raised up a Yankees fan in Baltimore, at a time when the Orioles were winning World Series. ‘66 comes to mind. And they are the team that lost to the “Amazing Mets” in 1969, and then won it in ‘70. And ‘83. I’m not exactly sure how my dad became a Yankees fan. It probably had something to do with those powerhouse teams of the ‘50s. with Mantle, Berra, Whitey Ford, Allie Reynolds, etc, When I was growing up, I always wore a Yankee cap (still do, in fact... but I keep a Cleveland Indians cap nearby so I look like a local). I always heard poop from my fellow “Baltimorons”. And in the late Sixties-early ‘70s, the Yankees, for lack of a better word, blew. Hell, one year, I batted around .745... that’s about three hits for every four at-bats, for the percentage-challenged. not a bunch of home runs (although I had several)... I was a “hit ‘em where they ain’t” kinda guy... and I could steal a base as well... Then, drugs were introduced to me, and I said “How’ya doin’”, and I never played another inning of organized ball, I coulda been a contenda... [g], Re: cat person - Back in ‘94 or so, I was in a house with five cats (we have four now), so I have a bit of experience with them (and boy, weren’t those cat boxes a load of fun). One time, at band camp (did anyone catch that reference?), a small calico came to our doorstep (and this was in *very* rural Alabama). We let it in, and I promptly named her “Arizona” (you know, the wilderness theme). She didn’t seem to like people very much... “skittish” would be the word I use to describe her... (I’ve never seen a male calico... I previously thought that *all* calicos were females... are the male ones gay? [g]) Thinking back, I also had two cats after I first arrived in Tucson. 1980, I believe (hell, Miryn is in my lap now as I type this). First apartment I ever had... no, the *second* apartment that I had... One was a beautiful calico whom I promptly named “Peckerwood”, and I think the orange tabby was named “Wimpy”. Didn’t last long, however... I mean, I still *like* dogs. Later, in Tucson, I got a Weimaraner at the pound, and promptly named him “Luther”, after a secondary character in “48 Hours” (‘What’s happening, Luther?’). The other was a blue-tick coonhound that I named “Elvis” (ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog... get it?). The first dogs that I owned independently. Once, I planted a garden in my backyard... even rented a rototiller... about 12 x 12...cucumbers, tomatoes, artichokes, and, of course, marijuana... (Afghani seeds... they were huge)... in about a day the dogs promply jumped the 3-foot fence and dug everything up... so much for gardening... Come to think of it, I had another dog fairly recently. Well, the late '90s. His name was Ezekiel, which was promptly shortened to "Zeke". Good dog. He looked like sort of a hound mix, with pretty long ears. Neat-looking dog, Let me tell you how we came upon him. At the time, I was living in that really rural part of Alabama known as Montevallo Well, we must have been headed to Birmingham, as we were on this about three-mile long stretch of dirt road to get to a paved one. Anyway, about halfway there, and essentially 10 miles from nowhere, we notice this little puppy on the side of the dirt road. We thought he was about 6 weeks old. So we put him in the car and went back home. Me and that dog were tight.. he recognized me after about a nine month absence... started running toward me and almost knocked me down. re: the Baltimore beltway. Tell them about 495, the DC beltway, I’ve always thought that 695(Baltimore) was a breeze compared to 495. DC always seemed to have a level of rudeness and indifference... hmm... go figure. And I swear, I have a new topic up my sleeve... Cell phones - a godsend from heaven or a menace to mankind? In fact, this week, I am treating you all to a “two-for-one” topic special. God - a valid concept or a load of hooey? Please write in complete sentences and introduce proof for your assertions. Footnote: anyone interested in seeing the kittens/cats, go here: "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor lenny666 Re: baseball a.k.a. "America's Pastime", "the Grand Old Game". I'm a Met fan. As I write this, they are treating their always-tortured fans to an epic collapse, a total free fall. Every day is a trip to a new and unknown section of Loserville. It's like watching a turtle on its back, struggling to right itself while it slowly dies, helpless and forlorn. The team motto might as well be "re-defining the bottom, every night". It truly sickens me. In my humble opinion, Shea Stadium needs to be torn down. Not as scheduled in 2009 or so, but tonight, right now. The rubble needs to be dumped in Flushing Bay and the earth where it stood needs to be salted so that nothing will ever grow there in our or any future generation's lifetimes. In 1964 Shea was built on the site of an old landfill, but now the stench comes from within. Now let's never speak of it again. Please. I beg of you. The horror, the horror. Most embarrassing choke-job ever. Re: cats (the animals, not the musical). My last cat was an all-white, stone deaf, eighteen pound beast, easily the largest non-overweight cat I've ever seen. That cat was also the loudest pet I've ever had, I mean he had quite a set of pipes on him and he wasn't at all shy about using them. When he was hungry (which was always) you could hear him bellowing from halfway down the block. He wouldn't even consider chasing down a bug, though, not his thing. He lived to the ripe old age of sixteen. There's a pic of that cat somewhere in my WdC port. A few years later (two years ago) a friend of mine who volunteers for an animal rescue group talked me into my current cat, a classic tabby, more stripes than an all-zebra prison. He's more of the class-clown type, a big show-off and a crackerjack insect snuffer. Named him Leo as it seemed to suit him pretty well. I used to have a few goldfish as well. Way back in 1991, my sister "won" a bag of goldfish at some local carnival or street fair or whatever you call them. This was not good news for those fish, as it was established long ago that any pet in her care was, with total certainty, going to die within weeks, if not days (or hours). I liberated those poor unfortunate goldfish from her care a few days later, as several of them (a dozen altogether) had already croaked (or killed themselves rather than face their fate with sis). I threw the little buggers in a medium sized tank and they seemed fine (or maybe just relieved). A day or two later, I won a buttload of cash at the track. Shortly thereafter, I landed a new job. Thus I began to see these fish as real-live good luck talismans of sorts. They actually began to grow on me, in spite of being mere fish with brains the size of pinheads who would happily eat themselves to death if I let them. They died off one by one, but five of them made it to the ten-year mark. The last one died in December 06 at the amazing age of fifteen. On the same day I lost my previous (good) job, I found him (or her, I don't know) all curled up on the bottom of the tank. He managed to hang on for two more months in a kind of vegetative state, but all efforts to save him were fruitless. Kind of (exactly) like the 2007 Mets, come to think of it. Cell phones, eh? Much like the Internet, it's getting harder and harder to remember what life was like without them, isn't it? I of course detest them, yet of course I own one and use it often. I don't really like microwave ovens or Microsoft Windows either, but they're here, they serve their purpose and to take some kind of pompous self-important "Luddite" style stand against new technology simply for the sake of being stubborn is like pissing into a stiff wind. I have to say that although nearly everyone denies it applies to them, driving while fooling around with cell phones is the single greatest highway hazard since three-for-one scotch night at the local strip bar. I've done it and realized after the conversation that I hadn't been paying any attention at all to anything else despite being behind the wheel doing eighty (I mean sixty-five). It's a menace. If you're reading this and thinking to yourself "he's wrong, I drive just fine while yakking on the phone", you don't, so knock it the hell off before you kill someone. A free public service message from me to you. People who choose to send TEXT messages while driving are in a whole different category. They're just flat out insane and have no business driving at all in the first place. Ditto people who use their laptop, eat cereal (with milk and bowl), trim their eyebrows, catch up on paperwork, change clothes, make out with someone, etc. while driving, all of which I have actually seen during my travels throughout the Garden State. Just about every day, in fact. People here in Jersey drive with a casual disregard for the safety and welfare of others even when they're not distracted, which is rarely. I'm also a bit concerned about the possible health effects of cell phone use. Hopefully, they're not cooking our brains from the inside out. I also have concerns about law enforcement and various federal agencies (I'm looking at you, Zay) using this technology for monitoring, eavesdropping and other nefarious purposes (as if they're not already doing all that and more). If those Fish & Wildlife spooks ever bug my cell, my whole panda smuggling scheme will go hopelessly awry and I'll be stuck with the things. After last time I vowed "never again", but the panda game is just so lucrative, it drew me right back in. Do any of you have those fake tree cell phone towers where you live? We have several around here. They're eyesores if you ask me. Re: God, I would have to say I think it's both, Dan. Depends on your perspective. I always thought of it in a more..."quantum" way, as opposed to the cartoonish imagery presented by "organized religion". But I'm running out of steam here, so someone else run with this potentially very involved topic and I'll chime in again next time, God willing. Emmyloo I know I promised I wouldn't do any more cat facts, but since Lenny brought it up: Male cat + white cat = deaf cat. Not always, but certainly more than the norm. Not a clue why. We had a deaf male cat when I was just a girl. His name was Claude, and he was great. Unfortunately, he got in a fight with a Buick and the car won.Zay, my cats are great mole hunters, too. It's been great for the yard, but Scruffy likes to bring them inside and play with them before he goes in for the kill. If you're ever at my house and I offer you something to eat from a blue tupperware container, decline it, because I use that bowl to get the moles back outside, where they can be killed and eaten in the open, as God intended. I'm not actually a cat person either -- I've always preferred dogs, but not that I'm finally settled in one place, I keep putting it off. We get about 8 months of heavy snow up here, and the thought of cleaning the yard after the Spring thaw... *shudder*. My son is starting to develop a fear of them, though, so I think we better get one before it's a full-blown phobia. We were about to pass a Dachsund on a leash the other day, and my son made me cross the street so it couldn't lunge for his throat. As for cell phones, I've had one for several years now. I get them, opt for the cheapest plan, and then I leave them on the counter, uncharged, until the contract is up. Then I go get another one and repeat the scenario. (I wish I was kidding, but I'm not). I just got a new one in July. This time, I vowed I would actually charge it every night and take it with me every day. I got one of the nice models that takes pictures, washes dishes and waxes the floor, and diligently charged it and took it with me for two weeks. I even memorized the phone number, which was a first for me. I haven't seen the phone in three weeks. It may have been stolen, but the smart money is betting it's under a pile of old chicken nuggets somewhere in my minivan. It sure was nice while it lasted though. It's Friday night, so I'm going to forego the God discussion until next time, too. I just don't have the energy. Jason Goldstein Fake tree cell phone towers? I didn't even bloody well know that those existed. Thank you for welcoming me to the twenty-first century, Lenny.Welcome to the group, Zay. I have noticed that the length of the posts you guys make seems to be directly proportional to the number of members in the group. You're going to have to slow down, Danno. You're going to be posting novels soon. As for the ®, you COULD copy them from your character map, or you could do it the quick way. Simple three-step instructions follow: 1. Hold down the ALT key. 2. On the NUMERIC KEYPAD (not that row... the ones over there on the right by themselves), key in "0174". 3. Release the ALT key. Voila! ¥őǖ ǻŕĕ ōń ŷŏǘŗ wåŷ! Any way, sorry for the short posts. I have a baby on the way this month, deadlines to meet, and I recently landed the lead role in a production of Neil Simon's Barefoot in the Park. It hasn't left a lot of time for sharing my "thoughts" and "feelings" with a bunch of (nearly) complete strangers. Anyway, as the great Patrick Henry said at the constitutional convention, "Give me Librium, or give me meth." (Or something to that effect, anyway.) I like to end posts with a random thought or two. Ever notice that no one uses the word "penultimate" anymore? We now return to your regularly schedule programming. <Click.> Zay Greetings all. Wow, Jason, you are the penultimate member of this little group, unless someone else has joined us than that would be me. You sound like you are as busy as I am. Of course I don't have a baby on the way (congratulations!!) or star in a play, but I do have deadlines to meet, work 2 jobs, and am taking 4 classes at college this semester. I tend to be a glutton for punishment at times but only have myself to blame.Speaking of blame, maybe you should blame me for the lengths of the posts getting longer. I tend to be rather verbose when it comes to writing. I managed to crash the wildlife sightings database at work because I waxed too poetic about the bald eagle I watched eating a snowshoe hare for breakfast and sharing it with a magpie one morning. Ahhhhhh...cell phones. Both bad and good, they are. I've had my number since 1999 and am on my 3rd phone. The bad part was that I felt tethered to my first ex because he could call me anytime and check up on me. I get more calls from friends now, but my major caller is my 14 year old son. "Mom, I'm hungry, can you bring me something from Taco Bell?" I don't get many calls on it, but when I do, I know it is someone who wants to talk to me. Me, me, ME! I rarely get calls at the house. With the advent of cell phones, people seem to be feeling a tad more 'self-important'. They have to answer that phone or they might miss something important. What is so important that you have to call someone who you are on your way to see in a few minutes that it can't wait until you are there? Nothing, but that doesn't stop me from doing it, or anyone else. I do know when to turn the blasted thing off, although there are many people who don't. Okay enough about cell phones they are heaven sent, but mankind is the menace. God. I believe. I have complete faith in God. Does that mean that someone who doesn't believe in God, my God, the God of the Jews and the Gentiles, is wrong? I'm not here to judge anyone's beliefs. "Judge not, lest ye be judged." I think that's the way it is said in the Bible. I do believe that everyone has the right to believe in something, or some higher power than themselves. Umm....okay what was the question again Danno....oh yeah...valid concept or hooey. I would have to say that the concept of God is valid. You weren't specific as to whose God is a valid concept or a load of hooey. I published my first book today. Lovely thing it is, chock full of wild game recipes and lovely clip art images. Tomorrow I'm printing another 35 copies, stapling and folding them so I can give them away for free. Right now I think MS Publisher sucks, but only because it wouldn't work the way I expected it to. Well I'm off to the kitchen to finish that Delightful Duck Tortilla Soup I started cooking last night, so I can get to sleep like you all are right now at 3 a.m. in the morning. Mae My name is Ashley and I’m twenty years old, soon to be the big 2-1. Woohoo. I have a five month old son who is the apple of my eye. I happen to also be one of those statistics, unmarried single mother, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I’m young, but I’ve been to more places than the above average American. You can say, “Oh, sure…she’s probably been to Mexico or Canada.” No. I’ve been to three different continents and to more countries than you can count on your fingers and toes. And yes, I was old enough to remember them. I have a below average job, go figure, but it pays my bills and I like it there. So…Cell phones. I own one. I use it. I talk when I drive. I rarely text when I drive, surely there is no real reason to do that. And you’re right; it’s a terribly bad habit. However, it seems like everyone is already talking about the cell phones, so I’ll attack the more potent question. God. I believe God is a great concept. It’s the concept of religion that is the problem. People need that connection with higher being, we as people, are dependent on the idea that there must be something there guiding us, be it Buddha or Allah. No matter what you put a name to it, I believe it is all the same God. One omniscient being that is coming to different cultures in different ways. So God takes the form of Buddha to appeal the Buddhists and Allah to the Muslims. All in all I believe since humans are so diverse in cultures and minds, based on location and education, that there couldn’t have been one thing that unites us all. So, it is an idea that is basically split into different “gods” to appeal to everyone, because God knows, you can’t make everyone happy. Ha. Little joke. 1978. Jim Jones. Did he not use God and religion as his tool? The People’s Temple was completely his idea and his own rules. He based it on the old religion, Christianity, but chose to branch off and deliberately chose to lead these people eventually to their death. So it’s not God that leads us astray from the relationship that we are supposed to have, to rely on. It’s the twisted people of society that demand you listen to their religion…their ideas. Al Qaeda is twisting their religion for their own use. As others have done for centuries past. Well, my son is calling and I guess I’ll let someone else take it now. Sorry if it’s not very long or anything, I find it hard to get a lot of time. However, I am forced to add that my boyfriend says that Lenny should remember 1986. (His favorite team is the Astros). Danno (editor's note) Wasn't that a great first post, ladies and gentleman? d Let's give a big Jive Talkin' hand... [g] As I write this, I am smoking an Australian cigarette. Yeah, they’re called Winfields. My brother got them for me when he was he was in Australia (he’s quite the globetrotter... this summer he was in Guatamala for like a month and a half, home for a couple of days, then off to Indonesia, Djakarta to be specific). Australians do their cigarettes differently. I mean, they taste like an American cigarette, but there are few things that are different. Firat off, it seems like the “regular’’ size of the packs is 25 cigarettes, which is kind of nice. Another thing - on approximately the top third of the pack has an emphysema warning. In white bold letters on a black background, it says: SMOKNG CAUSES EPHYSEMA And it includes small pictures of a healthy lung and an emphysema lung side-by-side. On the back, the pictures are enlarged and they include a paragraph about emphysema... then another paragraph about smoking cessation... including a QUITNOW phone number... and the cigarettes are pretty good. Seems pretty progressive. Just thought I’d mention that. My smoking has picked as of late... say, 15-20... but hey, I’m under stress... [g] But I’m telling you what - when I was trying to quit, maybe smoking 3-4 cigarettes a day, I felt like shit. For like about 2-3 weeks... then, when I started smoking semi-regularly, VOILA! I got better. Nicotine is an insidious drug. lenny666 Re: cell phone towers disguised as trees. There are several of those monstrosities around here. They're not even very convincing fakes, they look phonier than a three-dollar bill, in fact. They're a blight on the landscape (as if N.J. needs any further blighting) and if I owned a fake chainsaw I'd cut 'em down myself and turn it into fake wood for my fake fireplace. These fake trees are having quite an impact on N.J.'s delicate ecosystem as well. Dental issues among beavers and concussions among woodpeckers are increasing with ominous frequency. With the ever-increasing demand for wireless service, these problematic issues will only get worse before they get better. Speaking of religion, I was just recently talking to a friend who attended the same "Sunday school" program that I did way back in the early 1970's. Due to the Godless nature of our public school system, my father felt it was imperative for me to get my share of church learnin' via C.C.D. classes, a.k.a. "Sunday school". (No idea what CCD stands for, by the way). So ever Sunday after (Catholic) church services, I was unwillingly herded into the nearby parish center and forced to endure an hour of "religion class". This was during the early seventies and at that time the church was full of optimistic, "hip" young priests and priests-in-training (or whatever they're called). "Godspell" and "Jesus Christ Superstar" were all the rage and Jesus was, like, LOVE, man! These totally cool, shaggy-haired, bearded young priests were all too willing to sit cross-legged on the desk and help us really CONNECT with that Holy Spirit in a deeply personal and monumentally meaningful way by engaging us in a totally non-judgmental dialog about what Christ and Love mean TO US. Of course, being eight or nine years old at the time, the message kind of went over our heads a bit. We were all far more interested in just going home and annoying our increasingly drunken dads as they whiled away Sunday afternoon by swearing at Fran Tarkenton and Joe Namath on the tube. The whole "God is Love, Love is God" concept was too trippy for our tender little pre-adolescent minds to wrap themselves around. Our parents became increasingly concerned with the psychedelic Jesus coloring books our groovy priest-instructors were handing out and with our lack of basic religious "knowledge", but in the long run it didn't matter anyway. As the 1970's slithered along, the "Jesus fad" more or less ran its course and most of those hip, groovy young priests bailed on the church before they became locked in to that whole celibacy thing. Our C.C.D. classes were taken over by old, humorless and very impatient nuns, which was obviously far worse for us (as impossible as that seemed at the time). At least they weren't permitted to smack us with those rulers like they did to the Catholic school kids. I can honestly say I learned absolutely nothing during those classes other than several new techniques for forcing my eyelids to stay open during times of extreme boredom (which has served me rather well at times, I must admit). Welcome to the group, Ashley. If your boyfriend is anywhere close to your age, there's no way he remembers 1986 (I barely remember it myself) but I do appreciate the thought. The Astros should go back to wearing those day-glo rainbow jerseys, in my opinion. They were kind of cool in a strange way. Tomorrow is Columbus Day, the holiday that honors the conquest of the Americas by wealthy white male Euro-trash (or so I've heard). I actually starred in a grade school stage production of the Christopher Columbus Story, where I played the coveted role of "narrator". Anyway, Columbus Day has traditionally been a very lucky gambling day for me, so I'm ditching work and heading to Atlantic City for the day. Wish me luck, if I win big, it's free GP's for everyone. Emmyloo Hey, I had to go to CCD classes too. According to Google, it stands for Confraternity of Christian Doctrine, so you can see why they went with the acronym. When I went, it was the early 80s. We had no nuns, but the humorless parents ruled with an iron fist. I went for years, and as far as I can recall, every year was entitled "Sex Education without Mentioning Anything About Sex." We also used to read random bible passages and then answer questions about them. Mostly, though, it was all sex, all the time. The main message was that if you had it, you were a bad, bad person. I had just enough Catholic upbringing to give me a deep feeling of shame whenever John Ritter came on the television screen wearing tight pants, so I could get on board with the no sex rule. For a few years anyway...I do remember feeling genuine shock when I was informed that just thinking about sex was as bad as doing the deed. Our highly embarrassed catechism teacher also quickly mentioned that touching oneself while thinking about sex was also bad, ahem, now get out your books and let's talk some more about question #7. I was only 11, but I believe my exact thoughts were, "Pah. Yeah right." I also remember thinking how much more fun the Protestant youth groups looked. Our meetings were held in the fellowship hall under the church. There were no family room parties or bus trips down to the bowling alley. We never went on ropes courses or learned to do trust falls. As the Reverend Lovejoy on the Simpsons would say, the Protestants really did put the "fun" back into fundamentalism. Jason Goldstein Whee! I'm a father. My wife had our beautiful son on October 4th at 23:41.So if touching yourself while thinking about sex is bad, then I suppose touching yourself while you think about Jesus is okay. God bless the Catholics. But only the Catholics. No one else, damn it. Why? Because we said so. I guess lenny must not have won big in Atlantic City, because I haven't received my share of the free GP's yet. Better luck next year. One of these days I will get around to sharing my thoughts on "God", but I don't have the time or the energy to expound upon that right now. SMOKING CAUSES EMPHYSEMA You've got to be shi**ing me. (Does anyone understand this or the common response, "I shit you not."? Anyway, getting back on track, I was under the impression that cigarettes were full of vitamin c, niacin, fiber, hemoglobin, and a plethora other shit that the TV says it's good for me to have. The fact that they printed this user-friendly warning in gigantic letters on the top of the pack has TOTALLY changed my life. Well, that's all I've got. May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits. Zay Dang! Not the fleas of a thousand camels taking up residence in my armpits. It's barely winter. I haven't started on my winter fur coat yet and now I have a flea infestation. Sometimes I manage to not gross out myself, but that wasn't one of them.Since I'm not a catlicker....er I mean Catholic...I never had to attend CCD. I was one of those fun Protestant (say it slowly protest-ant...wonder if that has origins in history because they always protested so much against other religions they got that name) types. We had lots of fun. I was an innocent Southern Baptist girl who had lots of fun at the church youth group parties. We slow danced and played kissing games. Unfortunately I suppose that when some kids were innocently exploring kissing and dating, I was exploring my father's bottom dresser drawer. Being the avid reader that I was, I had book knowledge of many things that when used by a virgin can cause lots of doubts. Nuff' said. Southern Baptist are the wild ones but it was always the Catholic school girls that you heard of getting pregnant. re: cell phone trees Can't say as I've seen any of those up here. If they're here, they are quite well hidden amongst the ugly black spruce trees that aren't infested with spruce bark beetles. Hey there's one for you. May the spruce bark beetles of a thousand trees infest your cell phone tree towers Lenny. That should take care of them for you. Congrats on the baby boy Jason! I hope you are blessed with many happy years. My son is 14 now and I'm really wishing I had a man around to fill him in on all the "important" questions about life that he has. His father was a complete failure at the "talk". On a fun note, I had the immense pleasure (maybe it wasn't all that immense but it was really fun) of meeting the mystery writer Jessica Speart last week. She was an investigative reporter and got interested in the plight of the Fish & Wildlife Service's special agents and now she writes the Rachel Porter Fish & Wildlife Agent Mysteries. I think one of our biologists gave her an idea for another book while she was at the refuge last week. She autographed several of her books (okay so it was all 54 of them) that we had in the store while she visited with us. Very interesting lady. So, the white shit floated down from the sky this morning for the first termination dust on the grass. Yippee! Interpret that as I don't have to mow the lawn once more. I do, unfortunately have to tighten up the yard and prepit for winter. It also means I get to make a batch of chocolate chip cookies for the guy who's going to change over my tires for me. I hope my internet connection reconnects soon or you all will be fast asleep reading my boring drivel. Whew, count yourself lucky, it's back. Until the next time. Mae Thanks guys for bearing with me. My grandparents just came to visit this past weekend and my son and my boyfriend have both been sick. I think one caught it from the other. And to put that cherry on the top-tax deadline at work and I work at a CPA’s office. Egh. So….Well, if touching yourself is bad, I’m going to hell. If premarital sex is bad. I’m going to hell. ^_~ Since we relocated often, church was never anything big for me and when I got older I was thankful that my mother never forced a religion upon me. My mother remained a faithful catholic up until the day a priest told her that I was going to hell because she married my father outside of a catholic church. (They made their way at the courthouse). So she hasn’t been back since. Yeah, I guess it’s a bad rap to give the Catholic’s just because of one priest, but look how many other priest’s are screwing up. I guess that has a lot to do with the fact that the Catholic religion is constantly under scrutiny. What other religion is under the spotlight like Catholicism? Sure people talk about Jews and others, but it’s the Catholics who get attacked. I guess we tend to stray away from the Jewish since the Holocaust. An interesting religion, though some may say it is a cult, is the Jehovah Witnesses. My uncle took me a couple of times and I have to say that out of all the religions, I find their beliefs, well…more believable. In Christianity you die and go to heaven or hell. In Hinduism you die and are reborn until perfection. The Witnesses believe that once you die. You’re dead. As if you go to sleep and you don’t wake up. However, when Jesus comes back to the earth you are awoken, (in pre dead state, so you’re not a dead thing just wondering around) and you live on the earth again. This time, though, you work your way to perfection. There is no killing. No diseases. Just constant growth to perfection. And to deal with the bad people that walked the earth before Jesus came, they just stay dead. There is no awakening for them. Now, for the actual beliefs about the holidays. I think that’s dumb. I know Christmas Day was not Jesus actual birthday, but I find that day to be about him, no matter what. Thanksgiving? That wasn’t a real religious holiday, except to say that you prayed to God for all your luck. They don’t even celebrate birthdays, saying that the only birth that was made a big deal out of was Jesus’ and you’re not Jesus, so…. And no blood transfusions. I’m sorry to say if me and my uncle had the same blood type and we were both needing a blood transfusion and he was unconscious and they came in with one bag, “Hey. You. Don’t give that to him. Give that to me.” Congratulations on the baby Jason! And I don’t think I’ve ever seen cell towers disguised as trees around here. Just irresponsibly large electric poles. Huge massive concrete electric poles that have no business on that small parkway, our town isn’t that big. Danno Greetings, friends, curmudgeons (which I always thought of as a funny word), and... well, I can’t think of the term now... go on... get away from me... Ahh yes, cell phones.... I was given my first one a few months ago... which I promptly lost... (I’m pretty sure it’s still in the house though, because no one has been going through minutes) Myself, I think they’re sort of foolish... convenient, but nonetheless foolish. I have a hell of a time pressing in my security code because of the very small keypad... I don’t even carry mine around... I leave it in the garage... they look cool though. And I’m an atheist... I swear to God... Actually, I consider myself more of an agnostic... you know, one doesn’t want to burn any bridges. Which is sort of an improvement, since I used to be a nihilist is my college days. But actually, if I were to define my belief in God, I would have to say it isn’t much. Sure, there may be a higher power and all that, but I don’t think he/she gives a rat’s ass as to the destiny of his/her creations. For all of the pain and suffering that has befallen mankind over the centuries, I just don’t see it. But you know the famous Marx/Engels quote - “Religion is the opiate of the masses.” ((Not that I’m a communist or anything, but I’ve read the literature...) So, I was walking down the street the other night, and suddenly I stopped, right beneath the streetlight. I saw a few good-sized rocks nearby, so I figured I hurl a few at the streetlight. Well, I tossed a few, but I missed, and they landed on this tin roof of what appeared to be a shanty at the end of the street (I led the league in assists one year). Then... VOILA! I hit that fucker. At the same time the light was going out, a cute youngish woman came out of the shanty. “Hey there! Would you like some coffee?” she asked sweetly. I hesitated a moment, then replied, “That depends... what are you serving?” (I’m somewhat of a coffee connoisseur) “Well, I have some Colombian Supremo and some Tanzanian Peaberry... any of those rouse your interest?” she said softly with a seductive tone in her voice. “”Thanks, but no thanks... I’ve got to get to bed. Big day tomorrow,” I lied. “G’night,” I told her as I loped off to my apartment. The moral?: Opportunity knocks once, but temptation leans on the doorbell. lenny666 I didn't win squat in A.C., so no GP's for anyone. So you'll all just have to wait a little more before you finally snag that coveted Writing.com coffee mug, sorry.Atlantic City is OK for an afternoon diversion, but seriously, the place is really seedy and tawdry, not to mention somewhat dirty as well. The casinos spend a fortune on advertising around here in a vain attempt to attract more business, but that money would be better spent on paying someone to pick up the trash and do something about that urine smell that permeates every single stairwell in the city. In short, it's quite a shit-hole. Still, it was more entertaining than work would have been. Speaking of work, upon returning to work the day following my make-believe "illness" that required me to spend the day gambling, I was summoned into the office immediately, where I was informed that I was receiving a rather large raise. The lesson here is obvious: irresponsibility pays. They did express concern that I am not outwardly "enthusiastic" enough about my job, to which I replied "duh". But seeing how they just increased my salary and all, I opted to appease them. So now, right before I leave in the morning, I bury my entire face in a gigantic pile of homemade methamphetamine and inhale deeply. "Enthusiastic enough for ya??" Productivity has never been higher and as an added bonus, everyone is terrified to approach me during the workday. Win-win for me, baby. RE: Jehovah's Witnesses. When I was in second or third grade, I had a friend named Lance. Lance's parents were ultra-hardcore Jehovah's Witnesses. He was not allowed to say the pledge to the flag (quite subversive in that bygone era), he was forbidden from observing any holidays in any way at all, he had to leave the room during any birthday celebrations. They even forced him to lug copies of that book, whatever it's called, to school in an attempt to "convert" our heathen asses (which went over very poorly with our largely Catholic parents and the public school system at large). Lance very clearly (at least clearly to me) hated every second of this weirdness. Strangest of all, his parents kept a pen full of rabbits and doves (I think they were doves) in their backyard, presumably as pets. When they family moved, they (no shit) KILLED AND ATE those rabbits and doves, which freaked me out to no end at the time. I never saw the kid again and I assume he eventually grew up to become either a serial killer, an angry loner living in squalor, or a DMV employee of some sort. How could he not? Emmyloo Congratulations on the birth of your son, Jason, and welcome to the new folks. :)I'm agnostic or Christian, depending on the day you ask me. In other words, it's still an area of massive confusion for me. I want to believe (and oftentimes I do), but I don't know if it's because I have faith, or because it makes life a whole lot easier. I feel God's presence sometimes, and having children has definitely increased that feeling. Then the rational Em comes butting in and insists it's all wishful thinking on the part of people who can't deal with the concept of death. We're here, we live, we die... that's it. But sometimes, I look at my kids and think... hmmmm. Maybe there's something to this whole God thing. See? I changed my mind four times just while writing that paragraph. I'm hopeless. As I mentioned, I was raised Catholic, but I'm politically very liberal. I send my kids to Catholic school (it's the best education in this city, and my husband is a strong Catholic). I really like that they go to Catholic school. It's strange -- I don't believe myself necessarily, but I want to offer my kids the opportunity to make their own choice. When they get older, I will try to introduce other viewpoints and explain that not all Catholics strictly adhere to the church's beliefs. (Okay, none of them). Still, the Catholic school complicates matters. I believe strongly in separation of church and state, I'm pro-choice (but would probably not choose an abortion myself), and I could give a rat's behind if two gay men in Illinois want to get married. I try not to bring up any of this stuff at PTA meetings. Zay Greetings from the snowy north! How's that for chipper? It's 11:30 pm and I'm tired. Our fearless leader requested I hurry up and write, well maybe not in those exact words, but that was the message I got.I believe in God. I'm a Christian, not a very good one, but am one anyway. Having something to believe in is better than having nothing at all. Without it there is no hope. Danny's moral: "Opportunity knocks once, but temptation leans on the doorbell." has been posted on a local building supply's sign. I thought it sounded familiar when I saw it the other morning. It is so right too. No matter how much you want to avoid it, that evil 'temptation' is right there in your face. Not much inspiration is flowing from my fingertips this evening. I think I've been brought down emotionally by a friend who was dumped by his wife. Love sucks, stinks, and all the other things that anti-love songs get sung about. Poor thing, his wife pulled a "randy" on him. By the way, Randy is my husband who decided he wasn't happy last July 2006 after 2 years of marriage. My friend will eventually get to where I am about the relationship being over, but it is still a struggle every minute of the day. Although I'm only struggling with it about 3 or 4 times a week. So if it's taken 16 months to go from every minute of the day to 3 or 4 times a week, does any one have any idea how long it will be before it's gone? I never much liked math, and I stink at algebra. Well tomorrow is another day and maybe our fearless leader, Danno, sweet thing that he is, will give me something more to ponder. You all do just fine in the pondering department too. Who's dressing up for Halloween? Mae I was going to have a Halloween party this weekend but found that I don’t have as many friends as I used to, so now it’s only a couple of friends gathering for some drinks. Oh well…I had plans to buy a cute little slutty outfit, because it’s not Halloween if you don’t dress up like a slut. They even decided that on the radio the other morning. Their conclusion: You have to dress slutty or you dress like a witch and look terrible. I was also listening to the radio this morning to the Steve and DC show and this stupid stupid woman came on and voiced her opinion. And I have to say I apologize to anyone who believes the same as her which is if you take your kid trick or treatin’ you are exposing them to evilness. Yes. Evilness. She is going to pray for all our souls. So, don’t worry…you’re soul is being prayed for. Whatever. I’d also like to say that I am sorely mad at all the parents in the world who got the cough/cold medicine taken off my easily accessible store shelves due to their lack of parenting. Parents feeding the baby too much medicine. Who in their right might mind doesn’t pay enough attention to their child and their spouse to say, “Hey honey I gave the baby some medicine, so you don’t have to until whenever.” Baby dies. Jesus. Now my child has a cold/upper respiratory infection and I had to pull an arm and a leg and some teeth to get him something to help with that horrible cough he has. It’s such a big cough for such a little guy. >.< We spent six hours at the emergency room Saturday night because around 2 30 in the morning he woke up and started hacking, he couldn’t breathe correctly and he would cry and it wasn’t loud and piercing like it usually is and I feel like such a crappy person because I couldn’t prevent what was happening and then I couldn’t help him and I was afraid that he was going to stop breathing. His nose was stopped up and he actually had to choked on his scream to breathe because he doesn’t understand that screaming only makes it worse. So we got a breathing treatment, some drugs, and a chest x-ray. We had a follow up appointment Monday and the doctor tells me that he’ll have a reoccurring colds as long as he’s in daycare and my heart shatters. I wish I lived that life that I always dreamed. I was supposed to be married and able to stay at home with my children. Eh, dream in one hand and sh*t in the other, see what fills up first. Danno Wha...? I just got up... I have this sore inside my nose from snorting so much Vicodin (for those of you in the dark, snorting pulverized pills provides a more immediate buzz than eating them, although it doesn’t do much for pain). Myself, I’d take a Percoset in a minute.... Actually, I’m not real big on pain pills. The more you take, the more you need... funny thing about those opiates... Onward with the entry... For all of those interested (and it appears, even for those not interested), my coffee roasting season has come to an end. You see, I roast in the garage, and if the ambient temperature isn’t at least 70 degrees, I won’t roast. Yeah, I had a hell of time roasting this summer. Kenya AA (my default coffee), Tanzanian Peaberry, some Ugandan, some Nicaraguan, some Mexican, some Bolivian, some Sumatra Mandheling... if you haven’t figured it out by now, I appreciate good coffees. For all of you with a grinder, get your orders in... they’ll be filled in the spring. Even those without a grinder, heck, I’ll grind it for you. I was thinking of going to my 30-year class reunion... mind you, I was expelled from school in 1977 as a result of a county-wide drug sting... and I only needed a 1/2 credit to graduate. I went to night school, got the credits, and later went to college... but it still blew. I was going to see a friend of mine who I hooked up through Classmates... was in classes with him from 7th grade on... I think I got him loaded his first time... I was also going to see who else would show... and I haven’t been to Baltimore in about 7-8 years... I guess we’ll see. Oh yeah... pug dogs... anyone have any experience with them? We recently acquired a 9-week old pug... funny dogs they are... they snort, they breathe like they have emphysema, and are generally a hoot. Just thought I’d relate that... lenny666 Ah, those pain medications have a dark and sinister side. That poppy plant walks a fine line between benevolence and malice and that line is tough to see in the dark. Hydrocodone is actually derived from the thebain plant, which is very similar to the poppy. But I digress. That stuff is loaded with acetaminophen filler which is not normally meant for intra-nasal use. For some people, grapefruit juice will potentiate the effects of opiate and opiate-like drugs. Seriously, it works on me, but I have a very low tolerance for those drugs anyway. They tend to make me dizzy so potentiation is the last thing I want when the…need for those particular drugs arises. Diphenhydramine, a common OTC allergy med, will also potentiate opioid drugs and the combination can be overwhelming to the unprepared. So warn your friends and loved ones to avoid that combination until they have a very special evening planned (or six or seven hours to kill). Studies have been done that suggest a possible link between hydrocodone (Vicodin) abuse and hearing loss. Apparently the drug may somehow damage the tiny bones of the inner ear. This brings to mind noted radio host/republican shill/bloated gasbag Rush Limbaugh, whose hearing loss coincided with his massive hydrocodone abuse issues. It’s another very good reason for the compulsive among us to avoid keeping large amounts of those drugs within easy reach, in my opinion. In other fascinating drug news, over forty years of intensive research has proven without a doubt that smoking pot gets you stoned. I know I’ve used that line before, but I just couldn’t resist trotting it out again. Speaking of reunions, my twenty year reunion was a few years ago. I considered going, but after pondering it for a few seconds, I changed my mind. My graduating class was a very apathetic and uninteresting group of apathetic and uninteresting people. Most of my closest friends were in different grades or different schools. I was the youngest person in my class and I never really fit in with any of its various social groups, thus I had no incentive to attend the reunion at all. When it |
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