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Separate Worlds
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[Introduction] While returning from a Metallica concert, a van full of friends rock out and have a good time. But, suddenly, there is a clunk in the motor and they find themselves stranded on a dark and deserted road. The only place anyone has seen for hours is the creepy old castle a few miles back.

Will they hike back? Will they stay put? Will they use their cell phones to call for roadside assistance? The choice is up to you. Create your own character, give them their own unique personality, and most of all, have fun.

Hurl pulled his van to the side of the old highway and slammed his forhead on the steering wheel, causing the horn to honk. "Dang! I thought the mechanic fixed this piece of crap last week!"

"What are we going to do?" asked some of the other friends.

"I don't know, let me think. Somebody hand me a Cherry Coke out of the cooler. I need some caffine to clear my head."

Hurl was the leader of the group and he knew it was up to him to get them all back home safely. The only place he had seen along the way was the creepy old castle about two miles back. He checked his cell phone,but there was no signal and he only had one bar left.

"Listen guys, it was my crappy van that got us into this situation so I'll hike up to the castle and ask for help."

Hurl tossed his long blonde hair back over his black leather jacket with the silver studds and climbed out of the van. "You guys stay with the Hurlmobile and I'll be back in about an hour."

Eventhough he was a little nervous and wanted to quake in his steel toed boots, Hurl put on his best toughguy face and headded out into the fog.

  Ida whines in not so subtle protest, "Wait! You can't just leave me here with them{/i)"

She climbs through a maze of knees and elbows to free herself from the beast they call the Hurlmobile.

Disgusted, she continues, "Besides, it smells funny in there. What have you been hauling in that thing?"

With her mind made up that she was going with him, she straightened her back and looked him in the eye so he knew she meant business.

"Even if I have to chase you all the way to the castle, I'm going!" He was unmoved, completely unimpressed with her challenge.

Alright then, she thought to herself. I'll give him that look. It worked. It always worked.

Ida skipped back to the van and grabbed her purse. Who knows, she may find a use for that pepper spray afterall. No telling who or what will be waiting for them back at the castle.

As she looped an arm through Hurl's, they started walking with nothing but the dim light of the moon to guide them.

"It's getting cloudy. How are we going to see if we lose the moonlight?" She walked closer to Hurl, almost tripping them both.

He made no answer, but her fear was replaced with wishing she'd worn different shoes.

About addition #3:
By: cityman
Added: Sat, 09/29/2007 @ 10:25am
Size: 1,853 Characters
cityman   As they walked through the darkness, Ida stumbled and the heel of her snakeskin stilleto broke off. Hurl twisted and grabbed her to hold her up.

"You okay, Sugar?" he asked.

"Yes, I'm fine, but my shoes have had it." Ida snapped off the other heel and continued the walk.

Hurl acted as though he didn't need Ida along, but in reality he was glad and drew strength from her.

Suddenly, from behind there came a growl from the fog. "What was that?!" asked Ida,shuffling through her purse for pepper spray.

"Stand back, momma, I'll take care of this," Said Hurl, throwing himself in front of her. "Who's there?! You'd better come out now! I'm warning you!"

Their fear soon turned to cuorisity when out of the fog stepped a short hunchbacked old man. He wore a black suit and a chauffer's hat. "Didn't mean to startle the two of you," he said. "I was just on my way back to the castle and thought I'd offer you a ride should you need it. I assume that was your van I saw broken down back there."

The fog cleared even more and revealed an older model limo. "I'm Frumple, the good Dr. Felter's butler and chauffer."

"Who's Dr. Felter?" Hurl asked, making a sour face at the ugly little imp that stood before him.

"Why, Dr. Howie Felter, the famous scientist and inventor. Haven't you heard of him?" Frumple replied.

"Yeah," said Ida, "I have. Isn't he the guy who got in trouble for trying to swith a man's brain with a chicken's?"

"That was never proven," Frumple said sharply. "Besides Dr. Felter was cleared of all charges. Well, anyways, would you two like a ride to the castle?"

About addition #4:
By: SAMTASTIC
Added: Sat, 09/29/2007 @ 2:17pm
Size: 1,225 Characters
SAMTASTIC   Ida gently nudged Hurl and pulled him back a few steps. She whispered, "If you think I'm getting in that car you're out of your mind. What if it's a trick?"

Hurl began to laugh. Whispering wasn't one of his skills and Ida cringed when he asked in his normal tone, "What, you think he's going to switch our brains or something?"

"NO! ... but it would be your lucky day if he did." Ida's eyebrow arched in mild irritation while Hurl continued to smirk.

"Look, he seems nice enough. He's not the handsome devil I am, but I don't think it will hurt either of us to look at him long enough to hitch a ride."

"You're so full of yourself. At least his car runs," she said with a nervous grin.

"Touché, Momma, touché. Are we going to take him up on his offer or no?"

Chilled to the bone, Ida looked around and noticed the fog closing in around them again. "I'm NOT riding in the back seat. I've seen too many movies to know that kidnappers disable the windows and doors from the inside. I don't want to sit beside him in the front either. What do you suggest?"

"The Master has a phone you could use and once you're safe inside, I'll drive around for the others," Frumple said.

"Sure, what the heck," Hurl said, jumping into the back seat. Ida stood watching for only a second and jumped in beside Hurl scooting real close.

"If something happens to us," Ida said, "I'll hold you responsible."

"Relax," said Hurl, "You're a tough chick. If something happens I'm sure you'll protcet us both."

Ida slugged Hurl in the arm for the comment but only made him laugh.

"So, Frump, whats my man the Doctor like? I mean, is he cool about us coming over and using the phone and stuff?"

"Ah, yes, Dr. Felter is a A #1 fellow. He's hip, as you kids would say. Always happy to have guests, too."

Ida sat very still and looked all around at the surrounding of the car. She noticed the door locks had tiny silver skulls on them. Her skin began to crawl and suddenly she felt something grab her leg. *Shriek!!!*

"Chill out, momma, you're too uptight," said Hurl, squeezing her knee. "It's only me."

Ida cut Hurl another look and punched him in the arm once again.

Frumple pulled the car up to the front gates. The giant iron doors screeched as they began to open. The limo slowly glided up the drive as a wolf howled in the distance.

Meanwhile, back in the Hurlmobile, Skip and Twomy and Lou were starting to freak out. Twomy was not a gal who could handle ANYTHING even remotely scary so she started to go into panic mood.

"Okay guys, this is not good. I don't know about you, but I am not liking this at all. Never mind that Lou your pits stink and Skip if you don't keep your hand off my knee, I am going to bite you!"

"Oh come on Two, I was only trying to keep your leg warm, it's getting cold in here," said Skip.

"Hey and why are you picking on me? I had a shower a few days ago, I think. Remember, when after we went mud wrestling together?" Lou smirked.

"Dream on dorkface. That was not me, that was ole Two-Ton-Bertha with the tattoos of Hercules on her backside!" Twomy yelled. "And Skip, cut it out!"

"Well jeez, take a pill, Two, have a slug of this Peppermint Schnapps, that will fix you right up and make you smell nice and minty fresh, then you won't smell Lou," offered Skip.

"If you think I am going to put my mouth anywhere that your two dirty, germy ones have been, you're really dreaming." Twomy climbed over their two smelly bodies, opened the door and jumped out into the cold, dark night.

"Hey, come back here, you can't go out there alone," yelled Skip through the slamming of the door.

"Do you think we should go after her?" Lou asked.

"You go, I am not going, it's too damn dark out there for me."

"Well I'm not going, she's your friend," said Lou.

"She's not my friend, I thought you knew her."

"Nope, never seen her before in my life."

"Damn...well who the hell is she then?"

"Got me, but you better go after her, or it will be on your head, you had your hand on her knee, so you touched her last. Your fingerprints on going to be on her jeans," argued Lou.

"Oh crap, get out of my way!" yelled Skip as he crawled out of the car. He shivered, pulled his jacket tighter into his body and yelled, "Hey you chic, get back here!"

Nothing but an eerie silence answered his call.

Frumple pulled the car up to the castle doors and opened the door for Ida and Hurl. As the front doors swung open, the two cringed in disgust at the horror that met them... "Is that Barry Manilow playing over the intercom?" Asked Hurl, fighting back the urge to vomit.

"Yes," said Frumple, "I'm sorry about that, the master does love his Manilow. Just let me turn that down right quick."

"So, where's the phone?" asked Ida. "I'd like to call my dad and have him pick us up."

"Well, you see, there is an issue with the phone," Frumple replied. "There's this whole lawsuit pending with AT&T about Dr. Felter trying to use their systems to create legions of zombies. Just a bunch of talk and speculations, but a lawsuit none the less. They do, however, allow us internet access but only between the hours of noon and 2pm."

"How in the heck are we going to get back home?" Hurl asked.

"I will be more than happy to take you all back in the morning, but until then, we would be pleased if you would spend the night. There is plenty of room for you all."

Frumple excused himself to prepare the guest rooms while Hurl and Ida stood glaring at their surroundings.

On the walls hung many portraits of strange and unusual individuals. "Looks like a lot of imbreeding went on in this family," Hurl commented.

"Shhh, you big idiot, somebody might hear you, and besides, I think I saw the eyes move on that one painting."

**************************************************
*Meanwhile back in the labratory a very unusual Dr. Howie Felter who is wearing a silky pink and black teddy and fishnets dances as Barry Manilow belts out the high notes*

"Excuese me, Master," Frumple said, startling the good Dr. Felter.

"Frumple! I told you never to interupt me while I'm, um, uh, working on my experiments!"

"I'm sorry, sir, but I just wanted to inform you that we'll be having guest tonight."

"Guest? Guest?" said Dr. Felter, growing very excited. "Why, Frumple, it's been so long. Let me, um, finish my experiment and I'll prepare myself to meet them. Please see that they are made comfortable."

"Hurl, I'm starving!"

"Want a tic-tac?" Hurl said as he took the orange flavored candy from his pocket. One lone tic-tac rattled around in the box. "Or... how about we split it?"

"You're all heart. That's okay. Maybe Dr. Felter hasn't had dinner yet. Surely he'll offer us a bite to eat? Then again, there's no telling what he'd serve. Nevermind."

"Want me to walk back and get your Doritos from the Hurlmobile?"

"One... You're not leaving me here. Two... I'm sure my Doritos didn't last two minutes with Skip and Lou. Speaking of not lasting, I feel bad for leaving your friend Twomy with those knuckleheads."

"She's not my friend. At least, not yet. She's Skip's latest ..."

Hurl stopped mid-sentence as Dr. Felter (he assumed) flitted into the room. Were those feathers stuck to his pants? Hurl suddenly had a bad case of the willies.

"Ah, I see Frumple has neglected to offer my guests refreshments. I'm famished myself after all that work. Frumple, I'd like to have these youngsters for dinner... to ah... join me for dinner, that is."

"Dr. Felter, sir, there are more. I should take the car to fetch them right away," Frumple said anxiously.

"Very well. There will be leftovers... they'll keep."

Ida's elbow met Hurl's ribs once again as she whispered, "Did you hear that??? He's going eat us and keep the leftovers for sandwiches. I can't believe I let you talk me into leaving the van!"

"Talk you into wha..? I bet you taste like chicken." Hurl ducked before the words were out of his mouth.

"This isn't funny, Hurl. We've got to get out of here and we've got to do it now."

"Relax, sugar. You're just nervous." Hurl leans over and presses his forehead to Ida's. "I was trying to make you laugh."

"I don't want to laugh." She poked her bottom lip out to prove it. It was no use. He always made her laugh and he knew it. "I bet you taste like bologna," Ida managed with a grunt. Then she could no longer help herself, and a giggle followed.

Her laugh distracted him from his own freaked out state of mind, but he still wondered about the feathers.

Twomy stumbled down the road, tripping and cursing as loudly as she could.

Yanking down her tight jean skirt that kept riding up her thighs, she screamed out loud, "Never mind all you crazy predators out there, I am a vegetarian, I taste like crap!"

All I wanted was a free night out. Damn scalper trading me that concert ticket for a night out where I had to pretend to be a Mary Tyler Moore from her 60s TV show and pout and call him Lou all the time. Man he was a weirdo. Had I known the seats were going to be beside Mutt and Jeff back there I never would have done it.

Twomy continued to ignore the yells from Skip and walked faster, trying to ignore the feeling that her fingers were going numb. Her stomach started growling and she was glad she had grabbed the bag of Doritos, before she jumped out of the car.

Seeing dim lights up ahead, she knew she must be going in the same direction that Hurl and Ida had gone. Headlights shone toward her, and she breathed a big sigh, when she realized help had finally arrived.

She shoved a handful of chips into her mouth because she knew those other guys would want to share. Just as the car came nearer, she felt her throat start to constrict and she realized the dreaded artery hardening, and America's favorite snack food was lodged in her throat. Grabbing her neck she tried to cough and she bent forward pressing against her stomach.

She tumbled to the ground, starting to lose consciousness, just as she heard the crunching of the gravel from the tires of the limo approaching.

"I'll be glad when the others get here. I'm starting to get a little nervous," Ida whispered to Hurl.

"Be cool, here comes that Dr. Dude," Hurl said.

"Greetings, guests. So good to have you in my humble castle tonight. My name is DR. Howie Felter and I just want you to make yourselves at home."

"Sup, Doc," Hurl said, grabbing Dr. Felter's hand and giving it multiple secret handshakes. "Names Hurl."

"So, um, nice to meet you, um, Hurl. Any your name little lady?" Dr. Felter said taking Ida's hand and kissing it.

Ida quickly pulled her hand back and wiped it on her pants."GRRROOOSSSS," she whispered to Hurl.

"Is there anything I can do to to make your stay more comfortable?" Dr. Felter asked, smiling a toothy smile.

"Well, if you've got some Doritos in this place I wouldn't mind scarfing down a bag or two," Hurl said.

Dr. Felter showed the couple to the kitchen and told them to help themselves. "I have to retire to the labratory and finish a few projects. Please make yourselves at home and Frumple will be back in a bit with your friends." With that the Dr. dissapeared from the room.

Hurl made his way to the cabinets and started going through them like crazy. "Jackpot!" he said digging through several bags of doritos. Ida and Hurl chowed down like never before.

*Meanwhile, a very interested Dr. Felter was watching Ida through two eyeholes in a painting behind the kitchen wall. He was very intrigued by her gothic, heavy metal beauty. But what intrigued him the most and set his soul ablaze was how she ate a Little Debbie's Swiss Roll. It was absolutly erotic. He knew he must have her... Or be her. He knew she was as sweet as the strawberry and cream that was dripping off her chin.* "Burp!!!" went Hurl, blowing some dorito chunks onto the table. *How disgusting," thought Dr. Felter, but oh yes, he wanted him, too.*

Twomy came to slowly and saw through bleary eyes two strange characters standing over her, looking at her as if they may poke her with a stick to see if she was breathing. It took her a moment to figure out where she was, but she recognized Skip. The other guy... well, he was just weird.

"Young man, I told you she was choking. See? She was only unconscious. I didn't kill her, and I was trying to dislodge the chip from her throat, not steal her tongue ring." Of all the crazy things he'd witnessed at the castle, this took the cake, Frumple thought. What on earth would he do with a used tongue ring?

"Look, mister, I had no idea what was going on. Your car came out of nowhere, then I saw you hovered over her and she wasn't moving." Skip secretly reveled in the well placed punch. Even if he wasn't an actual hero, he got to play the part if only for a second.

Frumple wiped the blood from his lip again and asked Skip to help him get the girl into the car. She's coming to, but she's going to be weak for a bit. "Do you think your friend can pry himself from his snack long enough to give us a hand? Your other two friends are already back at the castle. I can take the three of you there as well and we'll sort this out."

Lou turned the bag of Doritos up, and as he emptied the remaining crumbs into his open mouth he noticed the old man and Skip were both standing there watching with angry faces. "Uh... sorry dudes. You should have said something if you're hungry. You snooze you lose."

"Get over here and help us, you goof. Do you ever think of anything other than your stomach? Pops here is gonna give us a lift to meet up with Ida and Hurl."

With a belch, Lou pulled himself up and handed Frumple the empty bag. "I got her feet!"

"Hey, I'm thinking maybe we should share a room tonight," Hurl said, wiping dorito leavings on his pants.

"Well, any other time, I'd tell you to dream on, but this creepy place kind of scares me. Did you get a load of the Dr. Felter? Creepazoid."

Just then, Dr. Felter entered the room. "You're rooms are ready. I'll show you upstairs and after you're settled, I'll give you a grand tour of the castle."

Dr. Felter showed the guests upstairs and pointed to two rooms. One had a red door and the other a blue. "Both of these are the finest rooms in the castle. They belonged to the duke and dutchess of Hiniken. The two hardly ever left the rooms, that is, until thier grizzly murders. But don't worry, that was a long, long time ago."

Dr. Felter excused himself and made his way down the saircase.

"Hey, baby, if you get scared tonight, Or just bored, swing on over to the blue room. Old Hurl will keep you comfy and safe."

Ida cut him a glare and dissapeared into the red room.

"Suit yourself," said Hurl, making his way into the blue room.

Ida didn't let on, but she and Hurl had shared an akward silence between each other on more than one occasion. It all started in 8th grade.
*Flashback to 8th grade Valentines day dance. Hurl and Ida share a slowdance to Prince's 'Purple Rain."*

Hurl: You know, I was thinking about you the other night.

Ida: I was thinking of you too.

Hurl: YOu were?

Ida: Yeah, I was watching Growing Pains and I thought about what a pain you are.

Hurl: Real funny. Reall funny.

*Hurl and Ida look into each others eyes during Prince's guitar solo. As their faces grow closer, they alomst kiss... Until.*

Coach Schkinski: Hurl! Get your hands off that girls butt! Drop and give me 50, you puke!

*Scene fades back to Dr. Felters Castle. Ida sits on the bed in deep thought*

"Dang, why must I be so hopelessly devoted to Hurl? He's such a pain," she thought to herself.

Why does he look so familiar, and how did I get into this car? Twomy was still a bit weak, but was fully alert now. She'd give anything for a Dr. Pepper. She opened her mouth wide in the limo's rearview mirror trying to see her tonsils. I bet they're bleeding. I'll never eat doritos again.

"I'm sorry, Miss, but you'll have to leave that alone." Frumple was quickly losing patience with his cargo.

"Name's Twomy," she said and put her gum back in her mouth as she stretched her arm out to shake Frumple's hand.

"Twomy, are you okay up there?"

"Yep, fine." Twomy had to hand it to Skip. He did at least act concerned, unlike Lou who was still licking the chip residue from his fingers.

Lou was still hungry and hoped there would be plenty to eat at the castle. "Hey, dude, how long is this driveway? We've been circling forever and I've got to hit the head."

Suddenly Lou's door opened and Frumple was standing behind it.

"How'd he do that?" Skip asked.

"Dunno. Don't care," said Lou. "I want a toilet, food, and I want to find Hurl and shake him out of his Reeboks for all this mess.... in that order." Lou opened the side entrance door of the castle himself' He didn't bother knocking or even holding the door for Skip and Twomy.

"Hey, guys, remember me? Do you think you could wait up a minute?" Twomy hurried around the back of the car and was suddenly hit by a wave of fear. Someone was watching them, she could feel it. Something in her gut told her not to go in, but standing outside was out of the question. She took a deep breath and walked through the huge wooden door that Skip held open.

Ida heard weird noises and was beginning to wish she'd taken Hurl up on the offer to stay in the same room. "Maybe I'll go find him," she said to herself. As she put her hand on the door it suddenly flew open toward her.

Hurl stumbled in and had to grab Ida's arm to stop from falling flat on his face.

Ida screamed,"What are you doing?"

"I heard a noise so I just came over to see if you were okay, really."

"Well knock next time duffas, you scare the bejezus outta me!"

"Sorry, I was just worried, that's all. Well that and still hungry. Remembering the way you were eating that swiss roll made me think about satisfying this insatiable hunger I got going on. "

"Well, you're not leaving me up here alone while you go get food, that's for damn sure." Ida threw back her hair and stormed out of the room first before Hurl could grab her again.

Muttering under his breath, he realized he was not going to be satisfying anything but his belly tonight and walked fast to catch up to Ida.

As she rounded the corner, suddenly she let out a blood curdling scream.

"What is it?!" Hurl said rushing around the corner.

"I saw something. It was hidious and ran into the airconditioner vent and inside the wall."

"A mouse?"

"No, a person. A little person. Like a kid or something."

Hurl took his keychain light and pointed it into the air vent. The LED light fell on an old metal plate, a busted cup, and then.. and then, upon two eyes. "Ahhh!" Hurl said, jumping back. "There is something in there."

"What do you suppose it was?" Ida asked.

"I don't know but I'm going to find out." Hurl climbed inside the vent opening and started to make his way down a tunnel through the inside of the wall. "You coming?" he yelled to Ida.

*Meanwhile, the others arrive at the castle*

"Where's Hurl and Ida?" asked Skip.

"Oh, they are in their rooms," Replied Frumple. "Won't you please come to the kitchen for a bite to eat? I'll go and prepare the extra room for all of you as well."

The group went to the kitchen and began to search for snacks. All seemed well unitl Twomy opened the freezer door. "EEEEEEKKKKKKKKKK!!!!" she screamed.

Twomy found herself waking up for the second time in one night with Skip and Frumple standing over her arguing. This time she knew exactly what had happened.

"Chill out, guys, I'm okay!" She took Skip's outstretched hand and he heaved her up to her feet.

"I think you're still too weak from the Dorito incident. You shouldn't be up walking around," Skip said as he led her to a stool at the end of the counter.

"I've never seen such carnage! All that... that... MEAT! Ugh! Do you people not believe in organic fruits and veggies around here? Do you know what your choices are doing to your body? You'd better step back, Skip. I could be sick at any moment."

"You're the one who keeps passing out," Lou said with a smirk. "Don't be preaching to us about our diets."

"Jerk," Twomy mumbled under her breath.

"Uh... okay, guys... let's look around. Surely there's something here you can eat, Twomy." Skip began to plunder through the pantry and cabinets. He found a half eaten back of Doritos. "No chips for you, young lady." He kept looking.

"Shhhhh!!!! Did you hear that?" Lou rushed over and pressed an ear up against the wall. "It sounds like something is inside the wall." He knocked the shave and a haircut rhythm to be funny, but jumped back in surprise when it was answered with the knock of two bits.

Skip grabbed a rolling pin and Twomy screamed yet again and crawled under the massive butcher block.

Lou tiptoed over to the dumb waiter door, Charlie's Angles style, and motioned for Skip to sneak to the other side.

Brandishing a rather bizarrely shaped zucchini, Lou threw open the door.

With a loud crash and even louder groan, Hurl tumbled out and landed in a massive heap right on top of Twomy.

Her screams became so hysterical that Skip, Lou and Hurl had to cover their ears.

Ida jumped out of the shoot, tripping over Hurl and rushed over to grab Twony. She immediately wrapped her arms around her and then planted a big kiss right on her lips.

"Ida, listen, I like you as a friend and all, but I think we should take this a little slower," Towmy said in shock.

"No," said Ida, "I'm just so happy to see you. I've been trapped inside this wall with Hurl and I didn't think we'd ever get out or see you guys again."

Twomy wiped the slobber off her lips and looked over at Hurl. "Wow," said Hurl, "That kind of turned me on."

"Well, what ever was turned on... Turn it off," Ida snarled. "You are such a guy."

"So, whats up with this Dr. Felter dude?" Skip asked. "I hear he like tried to invent a time machine by giving cheese and electrical charge."

"I don't know, but I once read a a journal he wrote in the Mad Scientist monthly about how licking a 9volt battery is a better stimulent than drinking coffee. He's a different dude alright," Lou mentioned.

"Well, all I know is he came down here with feathers stuck to his butt," Hurl added. "He definatly has issues."

Suddenly, a strange woman entered the room. She was wearing a black dress, black heels, and had jet black hair with a white streak going through it. "I see Dr. Felter will let anyone stay in the castle. He has no class at all. Frumple told me you delinquents were in here," said the lady, blowing smoke from her long cigarette into Hurls face.

"Now I could really get into this chick," Hurl whispered to Skip.

Choking back a cough, Ida stepped closer to Hurl. "This place is like a three ring circus from hell. We've got the creepy limo driver who could double as an undertaker and the weird scientist who likes the feel of feathers for some reason. Add to that the little people running around through hidden tunnels in the walls, and now... now it's Elvira, for Pete's sake! What's next? Roll your tongue back up into your head and wipe your mouth, Hurl. Get that stupid grin off your face while you're at it. They're probably not even real." Her rant was interrupted by Skip's laughter.

"It's like an episode of Scooby-Doo and the Hurlmobile is the Mystery Machine," he said.

"Skip, dude, don't help," Hurl said without blinking... eyes still fixed on the dress the woman was wearing. How does that stay on her? He wondered if it was some type of body glue that held the fabric in place. It was cut down to her navel and left little to the imagination. Still, Hurl couldn't help but, well, imagine.

Whap! The purse slapped across Hurl's shoulder before Ida could stop herself from swinging it. "Uh... sorry. I thought I saw a bat dip down."

Twomy jumped up from under the table and banged her head.

Holding back the tears, she rushed forward and threw her arms around the strange woman.

"Mom!" she cried, "I can't believe it's you. We have been searching for you everywhere for the last 5 years. How did you ever get to this place? Where have you been?"

The woman, looked with great disdain at Twomy, and pulled her off her like a flea. "I have no idea who you are young lady. Please refrain from touching me. I am wearing an original Gucchi and I don't appreciate anyone getting their grubby little fingerprints on me."

Her gown had slipped down exposing more skin than any of the men had seen in a long time.

Hurl stepped forward, reaching toward her and offered to help. "Here, I can pull that top part back up, if you'd like." And without waiting for an answer grabbed the slipping material which had slid down by her waist.

"Stop that you imbecile," the woman shrieked. "If you touch me I will have you served for tomorrow night's dinner."

*Meanwhile back in Dr. Felter's lab*

"Finally I have the test subjects that I need to finish my most important experiment. And, I'm sure nobody will even miss them," Dr. Felter said with an evil laugh. "Frumple, did you dispose of the van?"

"Yes, Dr. I had it pushed off the cliff just like you told me. There is absolutly no trace that the guest were even on this road."

"Is everything ready for tomorrow?"

"Yes," said Frumple, "The chicken truck arrives first thing tomorrow morning and we may begin our experiment."

"Good, good. Now, we must decide who will be first. Mwhahahahahaaaa!"

*back in the kitchen*

"Dude, I'm feeling a little sleepy after eating all those doritos," Hurl said. "I think I'm going back up to my room. Hurl looked at the strange lady and winked. "It's the room with the blue door."

Ida cut him a glare and Hurl gave her a wink as well. Twomy gave a glare of jealousy to both of them. The strange lady blew a puff of smoke that filled the entire kitchen. When it cleared, she was gone.

Ida was furious, and embarrassed that she'd made it so obvious. As she whirled around to make her way back to the room where she was to sleep, she cast another wicked glance at Hurl, tossed her hair over her shoulder and said, “Good luck with that if you can find her again. I’ve had enough of all this nonsense and I’m going to bed.”

Twomy wanted to follow her so she’d know where she was supposed to be, but she and the guys still needed to find something to eat. As she stepped between Hurl and Skip to reach for an apple she heard something growl. It was loud and fierce. After the night she’d had she was afraid to look back for fear of seeing a huge winged tiger about to pounce on her. Nothing would surprise her now. She offered Skip an apple to feed his growling stomach. He said it wasn’t his and Hurl said he’d eaten already. Maybe it was her imagination, or maybe she’d given herself a concussion jumping out from under the table and her ears were roaring.

“Well, guys, I’m sorry for this. I’ll be getting the Hurlmobile in for a good going over as soon as we get out of here tomorrow. At least we’re all safe.” Hurl peeked out the glass of the kitchen door to see if Ida was lurking around the hallway, waiting for him to come after her. With no sign of her, he shifted on his feet trying to decide if she would want him to follow or if she was really fed up with him. She wasn’t one for mind games, but she was still female. “Screw it. Let her pout.”

“Huh? Did I miss something?” Lou was, as always, thoroughly confused.

Back in the lab, Dr. Felter dreamed of his master plan finally coming to fruition. He was close, oh so close. The last experiment wasn’t a total loss since the woman was certainly pleasant to look at. That cigarette was going to be her end. He’d warned her many times of the ashes falling on her dress. With the combination of chicken feathers and chemicals he’d redesigned her with; she could easily burn to the ground, sexy shoes and all, before he could summon Frumple with the hose.

Hose, he thought ... that rhymes with toes, and hers were divine. She was as close to perfection as he’d managed. Something went wrong during transfer. There’s a loose wire, a disconnect of sorts in her and he’d not been able to find it. This time he’d get it right… tomorrow his name, Dr. Howie Felter, would go into history as one of the scientific greats.

Ida enters her room and slams her door shut.

"Men!" she curses,"they only want one thing. And that woman was like 40 years old at least. Gawed!"

She throws herself onto her bed, keeping her clothes on just in case. She's not totally sure that this is the safest place in the world to be staying.

A soft knock on the door, wakes her from a deep sleep. Ida stirs and is not sure exactly where she is. She looks around and there is another knock.

Cautiously Ida tiptoes over to the door and whispers,"Who's there?"

"It's me," says Hurl. "Can I come in, I brought food."

Against her better judgement, Ida opens the door and peers down the hallway before letting him in.

"What are you doing, I was asleep you ass!"

"Ohhh sorry, thought you might still be hungry, I brought peanut butter sandwiches."

The growling in her stomach forces her to make a decision she wouldn't normally make in a more sated state. Mumbling under her breath, she opens the door wider and let Hurl into her room.

"So are you okay, are you scared, do you want me to stay in here with you?" Hurl tries to talk in a normal voice, but he hears himself and he sounds like a 15 year old on a first day with the local 'easy' cheerleader.

"I'm fine dickhead, I was asleep, remember?" Ida sneers biting into the sandwich. She was starving and the gooey, white, plastic bread tastes soooooo good.

"Ohh yah, right, sorry." Hurl knows he is out of his element here. He can't believe she even agreed to go to the concert with him in the first place. He tries another approach.

"I really like your outfit, it looks nice on you."

"Oh gawed Hurl, shut up will you! I am eating here!"

Hurl slumps his shoulders and walks over to the window. Just a sliver of the moon is shining down barely lighting up the castle grounds. In the shadow, he is sure he sees something moving.

"Ida, come here quickly, I think I see something."

Ida rushes over to the window and looks into the darkness. Squinting her eyes tightly she just see the outline of two bodies. Looking closer, she gasps, "Oh my god, it's that woman again and look she's with Twomy. What the heck are they up too?"

She looks over at Hurl and catches him looking down her top.

"You perv! I thought you were being nice for once, but I should have known better. That's it, get out," Ida pushes Hurl out the door.

"But, but," Hurl stammered, standing outside the door with his mouth open. Suddenly, Ida opened the door and grabbed the plate of sandwiches, slamming the door in Hurl's face.

"He's such a guy," Ida said, slamming herself down on the bed and inhaling one of the sandwiches.

With every bite, she grew more sleepy and as she tought about Twomy and the strange woman, she drifted off into lala land.

With a clang and the boing of the box springs, the mattress on the bed suddenly gave way and Ida found herself sliding down a hidden shaft under the bed. She was moving too fast to scream and she held tight.

Soon the mattress came to a stop. She looked up as she tried to catch her breath. There before her stood Dr. Felter.

"What's going on?!" Ida demanded. "Oh, you should be honored, I've chosen you as my very first test subject. You will go down in scientific history. Mwhahahahahhhaaa!"

In a matter of minutes, Ida was seized by three of Dr. Felter's goons and found herself strapped to a very old looking medical table. "What are you going to do to me?!" she shouted in fear.

"Well," said Dr. Felter, "I have developed a race of human-type species using chicken feathers and a secret substance I call, 'I can't believe it's not DNA.' I've almost been successful many times, but something was missing. And I think I know what. You see, the feathers must be mixed with human dna before I add them to the secret formula. And, you're DNA will do just fine."

Ida was just about to scream, but suddenly a chicken feather swished across her midsection causing her to giggle. "Let me out of here!Haha!" She laughed.

"Add this one to the formula," Dr. Felter said, tossing the feather to one of his henchmen. "Now, let's see, the feet are high in DNA and there are several hundred more feathers to go."

Ida's eyes widened in fear as a henchman dumped a wheelbarrow load of chicken feathers beside her.

Irritated with the very sound of Lou's breath, Skip decided he would follow Hurl's lead and find a place to get a little rest. He made his way through a long, narrow hallway and finally found the main foyer where a grand staircase sprawled its way down as it circled the room. Surely the rooms were up those stairs.

Not seeing an elevator anywhere in sight, Skip began to make his way up the never ending stairs. Halfway through the first turn he heard laughter. It seemed to be coming straight through the walls on all sides of him. Was that Ida? I guess ol' Hurl knew what he was doing, taking those sandwiches with him. "Lucky devil," he said outloud.

As he turned, he saw Twomy coming in through the front entry. She appeared to be sneaking in, actually. She hesitated a moment when she saw him, then joined him on the stairs.

"Calling it a night?"

"I thought I would. One can only watch Lou graze in a kitchen for so long before wondering if he'll puke any second."

Even as he said it, Twomy could picture Lou sitting cross legged on the counter with a huge turkey leg in one hand and ham sandwich in the other. "He is rather disgusting when he eats," she said in agreement.

"So, you uh... planning on staying in a room with Ida? I think she's um ... busy."

"Oh," Twomy replied, "I guess not. Dang it."

Skip's ears turned red and he cast a nervous look up the stairs. "You could uh... hang out in Hurl's room with me if you want. I'm not scared or anything, but I wouldn't want you to be either."

Twomy grinned at his boyish reaction to the thought of sharing a room with her. "You don't have to be embarrassed. I'll keep most of my clothes on. Hurl said the blue door, right?"

He scanned the corridor in both directions as they cleared the top of the steps. "I don't see a blue door. I thought he said green." Skip walked to the corner trying to avoid eye contact and motioned for Twomy to follow. "There it is, on the left."

As he opened the door, Twomy hit the floor with a thud. I've got to get this girl to start eating meat,he thought. Skip picked her up and turned around, nearly dropping her when he finally saw what she had seen. There stood Frumple in nothing but a speedo and high heels, holding a baby seal.

"I ... I... I was just feeding him," Frumple said with a stutter. "The feel of naked skin calms him."

"Oh really? I suppose the shoes put him in the mood for dancing?"

Lou sat down in front of the open fridge door with a chicken leg in one hand and a beer in the other.

"Man I love this place. I have never seen so many different ways of cooked chicken in my life. There must be like 100 hunks of meat in this fridge. I think I have died and gone to heaven!"

He continued to gnaw on the bone and when he had scraped every last sliver of meat off it, it fired it over to the garbage can, with a loud, "He shoots, he scores!"

He reached into the fridge to grab another piece of chicken breast. This one was lightly sauteed in a rosemary garlic sauce, smothered in roasted red peppers and capons. Picking off the vegetables, he dug his teeth right into the meat, ignoring the juice dripping down his chin. He took another swig of beer and belched loudly.

Looking around to see if anyone has heard, he realized that he was alone and laughed and let out a loud fart.

"Mmm I think I am going to like this place. Wonder if they will let me move in here permanent."

Just then the kitchen door opened and Hurl came running in panting, with his hands covered in blood.

"Lou! Come quickly, I need your help!"

"What the heck, Hurl?! Where did all that blood come from?"

"I don't know, dude. I like turned on the sink and it started flowing out. I'm really starting to get creeped out by this place."

"Come on in the kitchen and wash your hands. You're starting to ruin my appitite," Lou said. "Oh, and say, I thought you and Ida had hooked up tonight. What's up with that?"

"No, she threw me out and took my sandwiches. What a bummer."

"Really, because the others heard her laughing a while ago. We just assumed that, well, you know... You two were having a little fun."

Hurl washed the blood from his hands and put his ear to the wall. "You're right, I do hear her laughing. You don't think she hooked up with that Dr. Felter dude? Man, I'll kill that creep if he touches her."

Lou looked at Hurl and smiled. "Yep, I always knew it, but this confirms it. You've got a thing for Ida."

"Do not," Hurl said slugging Lou in the arm.

**Meanwhile in the lab of Dr. Felter**

"Okay, I think I have just enought feathers and dna for my experiment," Dr. Felter said, swiping the last feather over Ida's thigh.

Ida lay exausted on the table as a few giggles still escaped from her mouth. She would never look at a chicken the same again. And was sure she would develope a nervous tick at the sight of a feather.

Dr. Felter's henchmen wheeled the feathers over to a container and dumped them inside. With the pull of a lever, lights flashed and electricity was heard in the air. Suddenly there came a burst of smoke, and when it cleared, Ida could not believe her eyes.

Standing before a smiling Dr. Felter was his latest creation. It was a woman, dressed in black leather. She had the look of a gothic princess and the face of... Ida.

"Finally!" Cried Dr. Felter. "I got it right. It worked! Now I will crush my competion, Dr. Seymore Butts, in the next issue of Mad Scientist Journal. The idiot thought he could beat me to the secret formula. Now looks who's on top. Mwhahahahaaaa."

"What shall we do with the girl, DR.?" asked one of the henchmen.

"Take her to the brain switching machine. I still need to get the kinks worked out and she'll serve as a wonderful guniea pig."

"Wait!" shouted Ida. "I have something I want to say." The henchmen loosened her straps and she got up off the table. "I realized something about a half hour ago. You see, I've never told anyone because I was too afraid, but all my life, I've had a fondness for chickens and feathers. And, as I was being tickled by you on the table, I realized that, well... I love you, Dr. Felter!"

"I love you, too, you sexy thang. Give me some sugar baby," said Dr. Felter running towards Ida. The two embraced in a passionate kiss. "Stay with me, here in the castle and we'll rule the world together."

"I love your sexy laugh too, DR."

"This one? Mwhahahahahaaaahaaaa."

"Oh yes!" Said Ida, as giddy as a school girl on a rainy day, drinking swiss miss hot chocolate, and watching dance party USA, while talking on the phone with her BFF... She had found her man.

I wonder what he plans to do with me now? Will I become a simple standby, or will he remember I'm his number one? I'm his first. I can't let this happen. Looking more dangerous than ever, the woman painted on a smile as she crushed the cigarette out with the toe of her high heel shoe. Pushing her breasts up higher and strategically loosening one more button, she prissed through the lab door just as Dr. Felter moved closer to Ida.

Seeing him from the back always reminded her of those chaps he used to love to wear while working. He said the draft kept him calm while he worked. Those were the days. Why couldn't he be satisfied with what he'd achieved with her instead of wanting more? She didn't understand how a rivalry at science camp with Seymore Butts all those years ago had driven him for so long.

"That's enough! You have to let it go!" she said sharply as she crossed the room to him.

Dr. Felter turned at the sound of her voice and gave her his wicked smile. He began trying to explain himself, and reassured his creation that this was not what she thought. She wasn't buying it. How was he going to get around this?

Ida woke up in a cold sweat. She was disoriented. Her ribs ached and her head was pounding. The increased yelling wasn't helping her state of mind. Then she saw a trail of feathers across the tile and out the door. "What tha???" She wondered how much of the experience had been a dream, more like a nightmare there at the end. The thought of his slimy face smashed against hers made her cringe. She looked around for something to rinse her mouth with, just in case.

With her legs and body still strapped to the table, she tried to reach the Dr. Pepper bottle on the counter beside her but it was just out of her grasp. What she could manage to touch, however, was cold steel. A butter knife? If she could just... stretch... a little more...

"Crap... it's a spoon," Ida mumbled. "What the duck am I gonna do with this?"

*Meanwhile in the castle, the front doorbell rang*

Ding Dong, bing bong, bong bing bang bong!

Frumple made his way to the door and gasped as he opened it. "It can't be. There's no way. I thought you were, were, were, dead!"

"No Frumple old boy, I'm alive and well," said a very sharp dressed man in a three piece suit. "And, I'm here to settle my score with Dr. Felter. Where is the chap?"

The mysterious man was no other than DR. Finger, owner and creater of the Dandy Donut chain. A once famous gynocolgist, Dr. Finger left his practice for his first love - dounut making. He and Dr. Felter had been roomates in medical school and closer than step-brothers. But, when Dr. Felter fell in love with Dr. Finger's girlfriend, he broke the news to him by having Frumple push him off a cliff in the swiss alps.

"Please step inside, Dr. Finger. I will tell the master that you have arrived."

"The old chap isn't still experimenting with chickens is he? I never did quite understand his fascination with them."

Frumple made his way to a nearby intercom system and paged the labratory.

"What is it Frumple! I'm busy!" Called Dr. Felter over the intercom.

"Master, we have another guest. I think you're going to want to come up here."

Dr. Felter turned to his creation and sent her away. As he walked by Ida he smiled. "Don't worry my little toy, I shall return for you very soon."

Dr. Felter pulled a lever and dissapeared inside a secret panel in the wall.

Ida took her spoon and tried to pry the wrist strap loose. She knew she must escape and warn the others before they met their grizzly end.

"I guess he's really attached to this thing," Twomy said as she held the baby seal close.

"Are you gonna get naked with it too? Frumple said it soothes him."

Twomy tried to ignore Skip's question and headed back out into the hallway.

"He sure is taking a long time to get the door."

"You're right, Twomy. Let's go see what's happening. Maybe someone has come looking for us."

The two made their way back down the staircase and into the main entrance of the castle. There stood the most striking man Twomy had seen in her life. He didn't have to say a word to impress her. His stance, his suit, and that sexy salt and pepper hair said it all. She had a thing for older men, and this one really ripped her trigger.

"Oh, hello there. Are you a friend of Dr. Felter's?" Before she'd finished the sentence, he'd already taken her hand into his own. When he lifted it to his lips, she thought she'd hit the floor again.

"You could say that he and I go way back," the man said as he shifted his gaze to Skip.

"Name's Skip. Do you have a car? Can you take us to a phone?"

"Skip! Don't be rude!" Twomy's backswing landed just south of the equator and was enough to scare him speechless for a moment.

"Hi, I'm Twomy. You look very familiar. Have we met before?"

"Pleasure to meet you, Twomy. Are you a Dandy Donut customer? You may have seen my picture on billboards or in newspaper ads. I own the chain."

Twomy's mouth dropped open in surprise. "OH MY! I LOVE YOUR DONUTS!!!"

"Finger lickin' good," he replied with a crooked grin.

Twony realized that no matter what she HAD to have this man. She lived and died for those donuts.

She knew it was an unhealthy addiction, but without the creamy, chocolate glazed, luscious, melt in her mouth sensations, every single morning, she couldn't function.

She dreamed every single night of being smothered head to toe in creamy fluffy fillings and warm, sensuous, melted, caramel sauce.

Her stepmother had tried to have her committed to the Eaglecrest Home for Addictions, but she had escaped four times with the laundry truck, by bribing the driver with her wanton looks and sweet promises.

Her blood ran like strawberry delight coursing through her veins and her eyes were mirrored like the double dipped chocolate crullers.

She organized her days around the delivery truck schedules and knew all the specials by heart. She'd enticed the bakers to save her the largest donuts and she rewarded their attentions with more alluring looks and glances at her cleavage which didn't suffer under all the sugaryness.

Yes, she thought to herself, this man is all mine.

"Twomy," said Dr. Finger, "since you are such a fan of my donuts I want you to have something." Dr. Finger reached into his pocket and pulled out a snack- sized package of lemon and poppyseed mini-donuts. "Here, these are for you. I made them myself, just this morning, with my own hands."

Towmy squealed with delight and opened the package, popping one in her mouth.

"DR. Finger," she said, "These are heavenly. If I died right now, I would go a happy woman."

"Glad you like them, love. If you will all excuse me, I must retire to the library. I'm meeting with Dr. Felter in a few moments."

Dr. Finger made his way out of the room and Towmy glared at the man whom she was now in love with.

"Uh, excuse me, everyone. I think I'm going to, um, retire to my room for a bit," Towmy said, leaving the room.

Towmy made her way down the hall and soon came upon the library. The door was cracked slightly. She knew she must have one more glance at this man named Dr. Finger. AS she put her eye to the door, she gasped and dropped her last donut to the floor. There sitting in the library was Dr. Finger, reading a book, with his... With his... Finger up his nose! Towmy fainted and fell to the floor.

Nothing would work. She sang to herself, recited multiplication tables, thought about dry sand in the desert and crackers with nothing to drink... salt. Surely if she thought of salt she'd dry up. Afterall, thinking of lemons made her mouth water. Noooo!!!!!!!! Water!!!!!! Everything came back to water. She really had to pee.

Ida was getting desperate and decided the next step was to gnaw her way free. Suddenly the door to the lab opened.

"Can you at least untie me long enough to go to the restroom?"

"Yes, but can we save the restraints? I have an idea."

"Oh thank goodness!!! It's you!" In spite of Hurl's insinuation she was never more relieved to hear his voice.

"Do I get a reward?" He freed her and tried to get a hug while asking what happened and why there were feathers everywhere.

"No! Don't squeeze me. Can't talk... potty... now! Find one!"

Off they went in search of relief.

As Hurl and Ida ran down the hallway they heard noises up ahead. "Quick, in here!" Hurl said, pulling Ida into a room.

"Hurl, I have really got to go bad!" Ida said, doing the potty dance.

Hurl looked around the small bedroom and spotted something under the bed. "Here," he said, pulling something out and handing it to Ida.

"What is this? I'm not using this," Ida said with a look of disgust.

"It's a chamber pot. You know, a bedpan. They used them in these old castles all the time."

"How do you know that Hurl?" Ida said, wondering how Hurl was so educated on midevil castles and chamberpots.

"I saw one on an episode of Sanford and Son once. You see, Lamont bought one from an old rich lady and Fred was gong to sell it at an auction, and..."

"Hurl, shut up. I don't care about an episode of Sanford and Son, I've gotta go."

"Well, you'll have to use that. Just go into the closet there and do what you have to do."

"Okay, but, only because I have to. You'd better not look either."

"Don't worry," said Hurl, "I don't want to see that. And don't be loud about it either. I don't wanna hear."

Ida cut Hurl a glare and ran to the closet. Soon she was back out with a sigh of relief. "What are we going to do now?" she asked Hurl.

"Well, I've locked the door. I figure we stay hold up here in the room until we can think up a plan to save the others and get us out of here. So, tell me something, what did happen with all the feathers back there?"

"I really don't want to talk about it all I can say is that I'm glad you came along when you did. That Dr. Felter is crazy."

Hurl and Ida laid back on the bed. "It's okay, sugar, I'm here now, you don't have anything to worry about." Hurl placed his hand on Ida's stomach. It was warm and felt good. She let out a small moan as he moved his hand in soothing circular motions. As Hurl looked down at her, their eyes met and finally, after several akward years of highschool and five years of just hanging out and ignoring their feelings, their lips met. They shared a long passionate kiss that ended with Hurl biting Ida's bottom lip and making her purr.

But suddenly, and without warning, the window to the bedroom crashed and in jumped a giant orangatan. The great ape, grabbed Ida, tossed her over his shoulder and jumped out the window. Ida screamed and shouted for help.

"EEEEEEKKKKKKKKKK!!!!! HELP!!!"

Hurl ran to the window and watched in fear as the monkey climbed up the side of the castle tower. He knew what he had to do... and he must do it quickly.