To Conquer the World!

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[Introduction] It came upon the eve of school letting out. The misadventures of three people and their fellow friends that came and went like the seasons or the tide or something else that ebbs and flows. You get the point! Please remember, that at no particular time were any laptops molested, contrary to popular belief and a few scandalous reportings from certain individuals that will remain nameless for the next 36 hours as of July 14, 2059.

There first meeting was somewhat dramatic. For they met in one of those freshman college classes where wide-eyed freshmen sit in class and talk about important things like "Sleep? What's that again?" and so on. Sitting off to the side in the massive classroom was the soon to be wisest and most cunning member of the group: The Srolvic. And did I mention handsome? Goodness, there were girls all over coming up to him trying to get his number and oohing and laughing at everything he said just trying to get his attention. But, he chose to ignore them all because he could! Yes, The Srolvic was brilliant and amazing!

Now, as The Srolvic sat down (and the girls went to their own places in the auditorium somewhat saddened that they were not to be with him since he sent them away) he began to look around searching for what fate would deem the other members of the future game and wonder of conquering the world.

But what would he behold when he looked for a potential member? Well, uh, hah! I guess we'll have to find out, yes, I guess we will.

Kay

It's true that their first meeting was rather dramatic. The class was one of those freshman college courses in which one is properly trained in how to adapt him or herself into a sleep-deprived, fizzled shell of the inquisitive, brilliant person they may be in their major. Parroting information was also a lovely aspect of this beginning course, which made the experience equal to getting hazed.

Yet the terrors of this class had been drilled into Amarikah's head and sadly her over-analyzing mind was ready to pounce on the professor the moment he uttered an over-generalization. This was the second day of class, and so far she had not found a solid reason to assassinate the professor. Yet today was a time to weigh this professor's intellectual glory--this was the first actual lesson of the course after having waded through oceans of syllabuses and technicalities the time before.

She had met a certain Pennomi earlier in the last session of the class, and wondered how this day would work out in light of the fact that she hadn't seen him yet. She hadn't met this Srolvic person that Pennomi had mentioned a few days ago, and she was curious as to who this Srolvic could be. Looking about the same area that she had graced her mind with the time before, Amarikah swore that she could have spotted him a mile away from the overpowering sense of his arrogance.
"Srolvic, huh?" The freshman redhead asked, sitting down...near him.

The Srolvic began to talk. Little by little, over the class period, he let Amarikah and Pennomi know that he was planning something big and that they would have a cut on the action if they would listen. Pennomi looked at him with disbelief. Did this man really think he could conquer the world?

Amarikah seemed to believe he could do it. What was Pennomi missing? This couldn't be reasonable. There was no logic behind it! Then the unthinkable happened. The Srolvic pulled out his cell phone, made a quick call to the White House, turned to Amarikah and Pennomi and declared, "Fantastic, I am now the President of the United States!"

Amarkiah looked stunned for a second then pulled out her phone and started talking rapidly in Japanese. Moments later she sat looking smugly because she now ruled all of Anime.

Visibly shaken, Pennomi started looking around for an exit, hoping to get away from the two insane people. Unfortunately, it was still the middle of lecture and he was sitting in the middle of the row. His eyes darted back and forth trying to make sense of his situation. Finally he announced, "To heck with sanity and logic!" and picked up his phone, dialing 1-800-MAKE-ME-A-DICTATOR. Soon, all of China was his to play with...

The sudden evolution of events seemed to rapidly appear. Class ended with no one quite yet realizing that The Glorious Srolvic was now their president. The Srolvic - humble and meek - kept this information secret. But, enough of marveling at The Srolvic, let this retelling of the story commence.

As close drew to a close, The Srolvic met with the leader of Paraguay, Laine on their way to learn about Panama and the Koreas. When they came out of them only a few words could be spoken.

"I get Panama," said Laine

"Yeah, well, I get North and South Korea," said The Srolvic.

Three people were named those countries. And the world was stunned. Suddenly, the U.S. had neighbors knocking on China's door. Friendly neighbors. For it was revealed that the Prime Minister of Japan was somewhat crazy with her obsession with Anime. Yea, it was verily well known unto The Srolvic, of Amarikah's love for anime.

Yea, and The Srolvic did consider making certain treaties with Amarikah to obtain said Anime but it was for not. But verily may it be known that The Srolvic did go in unto Pennomi and offered an alliance of friendship with China. Yea, and Pennomi did grin and did agree.

Suddenly.

The Srolvic walked down a path devoid of anyone when suddenly a crowd of girls came around the corner and spotted The Srolvic.

"Omigosh, it's him!!! Get him girls!" A chase scene began. The Srolvic ran for his life away from the maddeningly rabid girls. They screamed and cried as they chased him down the path. But The Srolvic was able to quickly disappear down an ally.

"Phew, I'm safe," said The Srolvic to himself. All was quiet. All was safe.

Suddenly.

He heard a noise and turned to look. There, their eyes met: one lone girl and The Srolvic. Everything turned into slow motion as The Srolvic turned to run away. "Noooooooooo!" he said in slow-motion.

The girl shouted, "I FOUND HIM! I FOUND HIM!" And the chase was on again. The girls suddenly were appearing from everywhere. So The Srolvic picked up speed and ran for home. Safe and sound away from the hordes of crazy women.

Amidst the turmoil he managed to fall asleep secure in his relief that the United States, South Korea, and North Korea belonged to him at last. His treasures. A strange grin crossed his face and he giggled incessantly for a few minutes.

Kay

Amarikah was pondering these turns of events as she made her way out of the building. After attending another lecture after which she nearly fell asleep in, and then studied her guilty pleasure language (lequel était utiliser pour demander Pennomi pour un rendez-vous...ou deux). She then was terribly tempted to promptly convince the two Japanese co-workers at the Cannon Center to slaughter the bosses so that she could continue with this plan with more intensity. However, she did not.

She would have preferred to finish her college education before having taken on this goal now. Past attempts had not gone well, and so she had decided that she would attempt to reclaim some of her lost sanity by gaining two degrees in only a few years. Bad idea, to be sure, but Amarikah still wanted this. Besides, it wasn't as if she was living one single life already. Another life, albeit much more prominent than the others, wouldn't be hard to handle. Besides, the perks of becoming both the Prime Minister and Empress at a time when 30's nationalism was rising would be incalculably beautiful to her advantage.

Besides, if she had competition, then world domination would actually happen. Smiling, Amarikah opened her umbrella against the rain that started pouring as she walked out from her last class. There was too much to plan, and it was getting her excited.

What had happened in class, she wondered. She had missed the chance to back-check the professor for historical inaccuracy. Oh well, she'd have the chance to kill him later.

((I'm quite amused by how I rule Anime and not Nippon itself...I suppose the control of an art medium is more effective than just one country, though.))

Pennomi chuckled at this new alliance with the U.S. After claiming India and Russia as his own, and with the United States at his back, China could finally grow to the superiority that it has always coveted. It would be invincible! Surely there was nothing so great in the world as 1/3 of the entire world's population in cheap, expendable labor. What more could a fledgling dictator ask for?

Unfortunately, the something kept bugging Pennomi... was it wrong to submit billions of people to a life of labor and war? Was it wrong to just walk in and take advantage of such a noble people? Could it be possible that these people would not want to be enslaved?

This feeling tore at his heart. He would never have hurt so much as a fly, but now that he had a little power, was it going to be detrimental to his humanity? Would he become a tyrannical leader instead of the benevolent dictator he always envisioned himself as? Would megalomania take over?

Nah, that will never happen, he decided. He would never become evil.

Fortunately, the feeling subsided quickly.

Suddenly.

United Kingdom and Australia fell to the United States along with Israel (go figure). There was much rejoicing throughout the land. Especially in England where people were heard to say, "Bloody sheep?" It was a period of bliss and joy. Yea, verily, much peace was upon the land. The Srolvic called it Pax Srolvic and the countries united with The Srolvic and his allied partner in China rejoiced. Yea there was much fruit in the land as well as grain, water, and the occasional peanutbutter jar but those were strangely disappearing.

Suddenly.

A rumor spread that there was a stockpile in the White House of peanutbutter jars. All mysteriously empty. The Srolvic promised an investigation on the matter and seized Peanutbutter candies to further the investigation.

In an agreement with Amarikah, The Srolvic promised not to associate her with Anime. Yea, and there was a strange joy in the land concerning this. For it was once again known abroad that Anime was free to circulate in the nation.

Meanwhile, the mild, mannered Srolvic was content to tackle the evils of homework and dating. There was a brief skirmish with one girl that involved skating like idiots across ice and praying to the heavens that no falling occured. Success! Things were fine.

Meanwhile, a dark, shadowy creature showed up known only as Cheese. Cheese was quick to spray graffiti across the buildings saying, "Hokey Pokey is all mine!"

And James claimed Antarctica so as to build up an invincible army of penguins. Scott claimed Ethiopia in his hopes to build a nation of runners. Laine absorbed much of South America.

All was well in this peaceful world that drifted ever closer to The Srolvic's clutches. All was going right when...

"I found him!" shouted a girl foaming at the mouth. "He's mine!" From out of nowhere girls were pouring from the stairs, elevators, and even the bathroom. They surged towards the bedroom of The Srolvic, those humble accomodations. Several of the guys on the dorm floor merely looked out their doors in shock and horror. Several closed their doors quietly, to avoid the impending massacre.

But this was not to be!

For had the girls known of The Srolvic's escape route then they might have had him. Yea, and The Srolvic stood at his window looking down did declare to the heavens, "I shall verily climb down this building with nothing but my grand supply of sheets. I shall not fail!" And thus, as it is written, he did cast himself down the side of the building until his feet did but touch the concrete. The Srolvic did rejoice. Yea, he did cast his eyes about and discovered his ever faithful Gertrude, car of loving companionship and faithful assistance, waiting in the rainy parking lot. The Srolvic did go to Gertrude with his laptop Beatrice at his side. Once more the raging mob of women were avoiding.

Suddenly!

It was a false alarm. But, speaking of alarms, Cheese managed to evade the cops and disappear into the apartments owned by the school near the dorms.

Kay

There was a serious problem, Amarikah realized as she woke up the next morning from a certain dream in which accepting a ring and then promptly leaving the country were merely two rather normal aspects. She had neither minions nor advisers of any sort.

She immediately started implementing a screening process in which only three members passed. It included seeing how long one could play Tales of the Abyss without commenting that they were going to pass out (which Amarikah herself had done on numerous occasions), as well as an interview about their slave country which had already been chosen.

The ones who passed consisted a cousin that was leaving her technologically backward home in Mesa, as well as her 'b-sista momma' who was part of her triad of collaborations and dastardly doings. Amarikah's teacher in cooking also passed, and convinced her to change her colors to the French flag to show that she paid deference to her cooking master who had actually graced Japan's shores multiple times. She still retained her leadership role in Japan...but had also ousted Sarkozy with a quick call involving a lot of coaxing in French.

As she had claimed multiple countries which she had picked for certain economical reasons, the upstart was ready to go through another day of walking half an hour to campus from the ridiculously far away dorms that people never seemed to recognize as actual dorms. Yet as she was walking, she heard from behind, "I, who stand in the full light of the heavens command thee, to open the gates of hell! Send forth divine lightning! This ends now, Indignation!"

Side-stepping a tiny bolt of energy that had come from a cloud that had suddenly formed in the clear sky, Amarikah turned around to pronounce back, "Oh light that descends upon heaven and earth, bring my foes to their destined annihilation! Fortune's Ark! And grant us the protection of thine brilliance!"

At that, the light of a streetlight nearby exploded, and her Chilean adviser and the dictator high-fived. Amarikah was offered a ride to campus, and she whole-heartedly accepted. As they drove down the road, Amarikah noticed a collection of girls descending from their apartments with shirts declaring their love...for the Srolvic. Was this a worrisome or perhaps a different matter, Amarikah pondered.

A grin then came onto her face as she considered making a rival fan-club. Re-affirming the fact that she was wearing her 'Hyrule is for Lovers' shirt, she plotted with her adviser to get a collection of red t-shirts at the local temple of capitalism, aka Wal-mart.

The power... the power... we wants the power!

Pennomi slapped himself across the face. What the heck was he doing, referring to himself in third person plural? For three days and three nights he had been agonizingly tortured by the voices in his head telling him to gain more power. More often than not, he listened to them... well, you have to admit, when they're giving pretty good advice...

Like the time Pennomi told the Srolvic that he would give the frenzied hoard of girls his phone number, mailing address, physical address and access to the GPS tracking system he hired Cheese to install in Gertrude unless the Srolvic ceded Canada to China. Oh, yes, the voices were very right that time.

And the time that they told him to hire an assassin to take out Amarikah, that was a good idea too. Unfortunately, the assassin got terminated by an exploding streetlight. Well, at least he didn't have to pay the incompetent brute.

Perhaps the best idea of the voices was to employ his vast armies of slaves to forge the One Ring, Godric Gryffindor's sword, and Boba Fett's armor (complete with jetpack). Oh, that definitely was a good idea on their part...

Luckily, it's pretty easy to rationalize away guilt when so much is to gain from being so evil. Muahahaha!

It was a moment of true introspection. The diabolics of his close ally Pennomi were cause for concern. Luckily, the agreement had been made and Canada was traded with Ireland to Pennomi for other necessary arrangements. Say, India, for example, was given in return for the power-hungry Pennomi's mad plans for world domination.

Even Amarikah was getting strange. But, well, enough of that, The Srolvic had other things to worry about.

"That'll be $5.50 please," said the scratchy voice of the cashier.

"Five-fifty for a stupid calzone and some dry noodles? Are you crazy!" shouted The Srolvic. He sighed to himself. "Memo to self: have you be a garbage collector when I finish my global domination."

"Yeah, but in the mean time, hand over the $5.50 or you don't get the food," reiterated the cashier. The Srolvic sighed and handed over the card. What he wouldn't give to punish the cashier now.

It had been a week since he had carefully dodged the raging sea of women. He had been lying low and wore a good disguise. The fake glasses and mustache from the 99 cents store really came in handy here. He pocketed his card and took away the food. But he swore in his wrath that he would get revenge on Cheese...and the cashier...and the dog that lived across the street. Come to think of it, he would also get revenge on that pesky violinist that practiced every day on the dorm floor. Day after day of the scratchy noise! It was making The Srolvic a little mad.

But, graciously, The Magnanimous Srolvic would allow them to continue on in their ways. So, The Srolvic, while at lunch during a wintry day, made sure to claim the countries surrounding Egypt, offering trades to Pennomi. Secured the Middle East and Central Asia. Things were going as planned. Soon all of northern Africa would be his!

Suddenly.

In the distance, the vermin was spotted. The creature, that damnably vexing creature, entered the building. Known simply as Cheese, the vile creature walked through the building; spray paint can in hand. Cheese walked unhurriedly through the building, unaware of the angry glare of The Glorious Srolvic.

Revenge.

Suddenly.

In the Antarctic. Far away from where are story is taking place. One man stands above his army. One man has the power to make even the tiniest creatures fear and tremble. He ruled over his armies of penguins. He alone would triumph.

He - "Where am I now?" he asked himself. But he was the chosen one. He held the power to...wait a minute...those aren't penguins! How the-how the *bleep* (edited for content) did Canadian geese get here?" The chosen one was disappointed.

Suddenly.

The Srolvic lost sight of Cheese and had to ask himself one question, "Is Cheese a boy or a girl?" He took off his disguise for but a second to think and regretted this decision immediately.

"I found him! Let's go, girls!"

The Srolvic took off running yet again...

Kay

((There is a bit of a time continuity issue in this post, but I already ruined that in an earlier post, so there.))

At this point, Amarikah's plan was close to being sprung. Executed. Activated. Whatever verbs that would properly fit the situation.

She had been chatting with a few monks that she had made friends with in her diabolical plot to take over India through the hearts of those who followed the sects of Hinduism and Theravada Buddhism. Shifting the sari she was wearing (why are those things so darn easy to constrain your legs in?!), Amarikah finished filming on her Super 8 camera with a grin. "All done!" She lifted her fingers off of the trigger, just imagining the camera in her hands being replaced with something that had...a bit more of a kick.
Her Chilean adviser nearly cried as she realized that there was no more film yet to examine the aviary, but Amarikah would have none of it. She had what she needed for this project. TMA 215 was one of the best classes she had taken so far.

As they went home, Amarikah noticed that her previous plan was starting to sink in. With a smile, she found that the rival fan club was starting to take off. However, there was a problem. The fan club that she had started for Pennomi and the one that had formed on its own for The Srolvic were starting riots on the streets, and now were blocking traffic.

Overhearing the screams, Amarikah realized that Pennomi was not one that was easy to find, at least more so than the Srolvic was. If she could distract them both better with these hordes, then her world domination would be a little easier. Yet squashing all competition was not the goal--that would make things too easy, and downright boring.

Having her adviser pull over, Amarikah rallied both sides of the hordes, and sent them on their merry, merry ways. She couldn't help but have herself a small maniacal laugh. Ah, yet another question! In earlier years, she had experienced over-riding episodes of megalomania that had nearly pushed her over her insane edge back into relative sanity. How was her competition doing?

Noticing a body full of shards as she whipped out her 'psycho' phone, she called Pennomi. To her knowledge, he was the least experienced at this and was likely giggling as he toyed with thoughts of brutally implementing his excessive power. China did that to people, Amarikah mused to herself. He probably just needed some intervention before he pushed himself too far. "Have you submitted to the voices yet, or how much have you submitted to them?"

Pennomi answered his phone, listened for a second then doubled back in fear. "She knows about us, have her eliminated!" the voices said. "Especially after what she did, getting those nasssssty girlses to follow you..."

Indeed, that was a great setback to his plan. He had had to retreat completely underground (into a bunker built entirely by slave labor) and had been living there for several days now. He had to control his nations remotely through his laptop, and though it was working fine for now, the citizens were becoming wary. All he had for entertainment was high-intensity laser optics research, and though that was exiting, it got old fast.

Pennomi talked to Amarikah cordially for a moment, then demanded that she convince the fan club to go away. "For India I might," she said with a smug sense of satisfaction. "Or, I will duel you for it."

Pennomi thought briefly. "Say you'll duel her, but when she arrives, order a nuclear strike on the site!" said the lead Voice.

"Hey, how many times do I have to tell you, no nuclear strikes!" Pennomi yelled back. A lone worker in the bunker gave him a strange look and started to shy away from the dictator.

"Well, you do have cool armor and and a cool sword, why don't you just duel her?"

"Good point."

Pennomi started speaking into the phone again and told Amarikah that he would indeed duel her. The location was Salt Lake City, and any weapons their heart desired were allowed. Pennomi grinned at the prospects before him. He would crush an enemy, win nations AND get rid of those blasted girls all in one fell swoop. He would be INVINCIBLE!!!

It was a great relief to The Srolvic that India was already safely his. The insanity of Pennomi had blinded him as well as Amarikah. Still...the rival fan club was causing problems. He had not expected this.

What made it worse was that his own fan club had banded together with this new mysterious one. Its origins were shrouded and he detected the presence of Cheese among them.

Suddenly.

"All right, Canadian geese, how the *bleep* (edited for content) did you get down here?" shouted the chosen one. "And why didn't anyone bring me something to eat or at least girls to date!"

Suddenly.

The Srolvic to a vacation to somewhere on the East Coast. The music of Wicked was intoxicating. It was mezmerizing. He didn't have to pay to get in! While on the East Coast a subtle plan was unleashed. It was an unusual plan given that The Srolvic had been distracted lately with rabid fans. But now, vision clear even for the briefest of moments, he beheld his grand plan. It involved precision, depth, understanding, and putting Cheese in the darkest prison available.

It would be cunning. It would be devious. Ohhh, it would be delicious! And, for now, it could be implemented at a low, low price!

"Excuse me? But, do I know you?" asked a young woman. The Srolvic was once again disguised with the fake glasses and mustache.

"Hmmm, oh ho ho ho ho! No, I don't think so. Who did I remind you of, hrm?" asked The Srolvic.

"Only the cutest man ever!" sighed the girl.

The Srolvic mentioned a famous guy from Hollywood.

"Eeeewwww! He doesn't have the-"

The Srolvic quickly disappeared into the crowd leaving the girl puzzled, suspicious, and suddenly the new owner of a can of spam.

"What the? Spam?" she asked in greater confusion.

"Now," said The Srolvic out loud in a dramatic fashion, "I wait for Amarikah's move. Tonight: it's night night! Ahahahahahahaha!"

"Excuse me," interrupted a steward with a flashlight. "You're bothering the other guests. Could you please stop talking to yourself. Now."

The Srolvic merely grinned and acquiesced the poor boy. Suddenly. His cell phone vibrated. With the dash that only The Srolvic could muster, he was outside of the theatre and on the phone.

"Are you alone?" asked the voice confidentially.

"Maybe. What do you want?"

"1918. Remember?"

"Gasp!" The Srolvic said the word and not what it represented.

"Gasp? That's it? Four years of no communication and that's all you have to say. No hello. No goodbye. That's it? I'm gonna beat you!" complained the other voice.

"Twenty dollars if you disappear," The Srolvic offered.

"Twenty-five and Germany and you've got a deal."

"Never. Twenty-five, France, and you've got a deal," The Srolvic responded.

"Disgusting. No one wants France! Germany or I tell."

"What about France?"

"Keep it."

"No way!" shouted The Srolvic.

"Fine. Give it as punishment to your worst foe."

Suddenly.

The Srolvic had another plan. Africa was calling and it was starting to get hard to ignore. "TURN OFF THE LION KING!"

Kay

Amarikah had the odd sense of someone demeaning the source country of one of her favorite languages, and she shouted suddenly as she entered her apartment complex, "J'espère que vous pensiez que quand je change ces panneaux routiers! Je changerai les signes des miles aux kilomètres!! Mais, attente..."

Letting her rant in French go, she approached her wall of weaponry. Just what did she want? There were so many choices...
Against her usual utilitarian preferences, she brought all of her weapons. Mussolini was packed and almost wheezing all the way up to SLC.

This was against her usual methods as well. A straight out duel? Was she kidding herself? They had trained together in a jujitsu class and he had mastered the techniques there better than she had. Stupid ground techniques, she muttered to herself. She fell silent for a moment and a small grin came to her face.
"Do you really need to kill him in order to make him feel the most pain?" One voice asked, curling out of the depths of mental dungeons that had always been. Another then asked, "Is there another reason you made that fan club? Are you admiring his power and thereby giving less attention to your own? You know China is one of the best, if not the best itself."

Instantly, she snapped out of this moment and gripped the steering wheel tighter, she floored the gas and let Mussolini drink deeply from the premium fuel that she only let him have for road-trips. No need to fall prey to the beginnings of what Pennomi was suffering from, she laughed to herself. There was no need for multiple voices in her head. She started singing the same song that had named Mussolini in the first place, and cured herself of any other opinions of Pennomi that would rise in her mind as additional voices. Weakness, she muttered to herself. Just weakness. He was inherently less experienced than she was at attempts at world domination and physical training, and thereby he would fall to her.

Driving into SLC airport right up in the middle of all of the traffic, parking and then getting out, she searched about for her opponent, withdrawing a rather small weapon only to be had by having hired the same people who had made Boba Fett's armor (complete with jetpack, of course). "Oi! Pennomi-kun! Ki-sama! Bukkoroshite yaru zo!"
She then switched to English just in case it wasn't obvious that one of the very few people that could possibly be white and yelling Japanese in an American airport would be her. "Hey! Pennomi! I'm going to beat you to a pulp, face me!"

Suddenly, a thought came to mind. Had she left her apartment unlocked? Her adviser would kill her. Secondly, that was asking for death if The Srolvic was about. Hopefully a group of girls would blitz in time, she thought worriedly.

Pennomi turned and faced his foe. Finally, the glorious day had come. Finally, he would slay his opponent. Finally, the Voices would stop bugging him so much about this.

The two faced each other and bowed. Pennomi ignited his jetpack and hurtled toward Amarikah, sword drawn and pointing its deadly blade straight toward her midsection. "Ha!" he thought. "She's attacking me with one of those little wii controllers!"

Amarikah clicked a button, did a small movement with her arms and all of a sudden, Pennomi's trajectory changed - straight towards a brick wall.

POW!

Pennomi picked himself off the ground and detached his jetpack. "So, you've found a way to send interference to my jetpack. Very clever." he said. He picked up his sword, and finding it in the shape of a 'U' discarded it to the side. "Fine. We'll do this the old fashioned way - Jujitsu!"

Amarikah showed no expression of fear on her face. Pennomi took no thought of this and sprinted towards her. When he got close enough, he launched his right leg towards her face.

She sighed and moved the item in her hands while holding a combination of buttons. All of a sudden, Pennomi found himself suspended six feet in the air by one foot. "Hey! That's not funny!" he whined. After struggling quite pitifully for a few minutes, he finally decided to take off his boot. Doing so, he collapsed on to the ground taking quite a blow to the head.

Groggily, he stood up and said, "Ergh... thash ee-nuff. Now I ree-lee mad." He threw a punch, only to have it come back to hit him in the face, knocking off his helmet. He threw another punch which actually just twisted his arm behind his back. Amarikah then put him into a kimora with a flick of her wrists.

"Ow, ow! That's enough! Tap... TAP!!!" Pennomi cried. "C'mon, you win. You can have... er... Luxembourg if you let me go! Argh, I don't even have India anymore!"

All of a sudden, the mystical force holding him let go. "Thanks..." he said, but then he turned around and kicked the remote straight out of her hands, catching it. "Ha! Now I have the power to make this suit invincible!"

He clicked several random buttons and flipped it around like nunchaku. All of a sudden, the suit beeped and said in the voice of Cheese, "This suit will self destruct in ten seconds. Have a nice day!"

Pennomi's eyes grew wide at the same time that his pupils grew small. Amarikah just shouted, "You idiot!"

The next thing he could remember, he was waking up with bright lights in his face and the smell of antiseptics. A hospital? Then he heard the piercing shriek of a hundred girls shouting, "HE'S AWAKE!!!"

Luckily, the sound made him go unconscious again.

It was shocking, to say the least, that on his way to Africa he heard about the attack in the Salt Lake City airport. Stunned wasn't even the word to describe it. Luckily, by freak accident (and reading the script before writing), The Srolvic had arrived in town to take advantage of Amarikah's unlocked apartment.

The night that he came - complete with black garb, his disguise of fake glasses and mustache, and a plastic - it was a harvest moon that hung high in the heavens. The cold was constant reminder of how alive he felt. But as The Srolvic snuck around he couldn't help but hum the Mission Impossible theme. At one point one of the tenants just looked at him from one side of their apartment and mouthed "freak" to him.

Suddenly.

The Srolvic paid no attention to the smart mouth.

The Srolvic approached the apartment complex and checked to see if it was unlocked. Success! It was! Gently he opened the room. Inside the apartment was dark and quiet. The Srolvic entered planning on taking a look at Amarikah's plans for world domination.

Still, something nagged at him. Something didn't seem to fit right in this situation. But, he pressed on, shutting the door behind him.

"So, you finally came," uttered a mysterious voice that instantly invoked the need for revenge. A light turned on and Cheese sat on one of the couches. "At last, The Srolvic and Cheese meet face to face. Wait...yeah, that's right. Anyway, at last!"

The Srolvic was stunned. "How-how did you even know I was going to come? I didn't even know what I was going to do!"

"That's not important. You see, I have arrived before you and have hidden what you sought most!"

"Her fresh baked bread?" The Srolvic lied.

"Precisely!" Cheese responded. The his grin fell off. "Bread? BREAD? You came for bread? Dude, what kind of a loser are you, anyway? Didn't you even care that her plans for world domination were carefully laid out in writing?"

"Oh, really?" asked The Srolvic. "But what about her bread?"

"Bread! Come on, man! The plans! Don't you want them?"

The Srolvic shrugged his shoulders. "Sure. I'll take them."

"No! I had come to stop you from getting them."

"So why are you still here then?"

"The bread of course. It really is good bread, after all. I mean, you can hardly blame me, can you?" Cheese replied.

The Srolvic gave a shrug. "No, guess not."

"I have you cornered, Srolvic. Your days as ruling the United States are now over!" Cheese said triumphantly.

Suddenly.

A Canadian goose crashed through the window in an amazing display of power. As this is a g-rated story, the goose was not even injured. It got up and flung itself at Cheese. In a mad fury of feathers flying and screams, the goose managed to steal the papers and fly away.

The Srolvic was stunned. He couldn't help but mutter to himself, "Funny, somehow I was expecting penguins."

Cheese lunged at The Srolvic and pulled off his disguise. The Srolvic was suddenly exposed. As would be expected, the response to this was immediate.

"Girls! He's here!" came the dreaded cry of a howling female.

"Omigosh, really!" squealed a girl. Suddenly, apartment doors were swinging open and girls were piling out into the open, making their way to Amarikah's apartment. The Srolvic was stunned at the girls' efficiency and timing. But there was little time for that. He had to escape.

"Next time, Cheese, next time!" swore The Srolvic. Cheese just looked semi-smug. I mean, come on, you can't be totally smug after a crazed goose smashes into the apartment, wrestles you successfully, steals papers, and flies off. Come on, you can only be smug by so much after that.

The Srolvic, though, was now running into the back of the apartment searching for a way out. He managed to break through Amarikah's window and using only sheets, yarn from her roommate's room, and some twine The Srolvic managed to make a rope that was surprisingly strong enough to hold his weight. The Srolvic climbed out of the window and escaped from the apartment.

On the ground, The Srolvic was met with another challenge. "IT'S HIM!!!" shrieked another mob of girls. From up above the girls squealed with delight. The Srolvic saw that he was outwitted. He was stunned, shocked, and befuddled that this could even happen. In one final desperate move, The Srolvic pulled out his spare disguise and put it on.

"Wha? Who are you?" the girls asked in awkward unison.

"I'm Cheese," lied The Srolvic.

"Where's The Srolvic?" asked the girls.

"Why The Srolvic must be in Africa."

Suddenly.

The Srolvic was alone. But for how long he wasn't sure. Fooled as the girls may be...they were persistent. It was only a matter of time before they found him out again. The Srolvic slipped off into the night.

Kay

((Amarikah may have died of laughter by this point if I didn't control just when she died...))

Amarikah woke up in the middle of a rally, having been pulled out of her own hospital bed by the Pennomi-worshipers that she had formed herself. She had been caught in the blast of the suit herself, and a few fragments of metal had been caught by her arms and torso. Luckily, it was nothing that would damage her for the long-term. In her wheel-chair, she was brought to consciousness by rabid fangirls. This rally was outside of Pennomi's room, she realized with a small shake of her head, keeping her breathing careful and realizing that her chest wasn't nearly as pained as it had been in that vague period between now and then where consciousness had been unsure.

Looking around, she noticed some French intertwined with the signs about, along with a small Canadian flag sitting in a little pencil-holder along with random writing utensils. Wait a minute...how in the world were they in Canada? By the gates of heaven and hell, a Canadian hospital? Amarikah shuddered. She'd rather operate on herself than have this--

Suddenly aware of the rally again as another shout erupted quite near her ears, she was rather amazed by their persistence. He was an upstart dictator and a redhead, she considered with a small grin. At least world dictators were getting the respect they deserved. "Make way!" She ordered as she wheeled her way to his door. As she had predicted, the fan club made room for their leader, and she entered in the room. Remembering that all of the medical staff were on the eternal coffee break, she wheeled herself over by her competition. "You look like...well, never mind." Amarikah half-chortled, half-sighed. "You're a mess, and you're no good to me or the people you lead like this. I hope the voices at least departed thanks to this."

Before he could speak, Amarikah wheeled over to the sink in the room and grabbed a plastic cup nearby. She filled it up, and then splashed it in Pennomi's general direction. His burned and scarred body was slowly being worked on, but he might as well die at this rate. However, his body was soon to be fixed.
"Oh purest water of life, Meditation!"
The liquid then turned into a healing matter that returned Pennomi's body to half-way to where it had been before the accident.

"Now, would you like me to do that again? I will if we can set up an alliance. If not, then you have a hundred girls waiting outside. I can start charging them to come in one at a time, or I can let them all charge you at once." A bang came on the door, for the girls outside were starting to wonder what was going on. "Make a decision, oh world leader."

Pennomi sighed. He was beaten, true, and now that the Voices has mysteriously deserted him, he really didn't have an evil plan to turn the tables on Amarikah. "Very well," he said. "You win. I cede all of China's..."

Then suddenly, a nurse walked into the room and said, "Oh healing power, First Aid!" As she did so, Pennomi's wounds healed slightly.

Amarikah snapped at the nurse. "Hey, cut that out! I'm trying to blackmail him here!"

"Sorry ma'am, he's not in good enough health to be blackmailed."

"No! Argh, that's HOW I'm blackmailing him!"

"I don't think he's ready for visitors right now, ma'am. You're going to have to leave."

"Hey, but I'M a patient here! See, the wheelchair I'm sitting in has the name of the hospital."

"Sorry ma'am, you're going to have to leave. SECURITY!"

The rabid flock of girls burst into the room all wearing Mountie uniforms and wielding AK-47s. They grabbed Amarikah and escorted her outside.

"We told them that the greatest act of love they could give you would be to serve as your secret police." said the nurse.

"Er... secret police? In Mountie uniforms? And I'm not sure that this is helping the situation any. Now I have a huge squad of ARMED girls following me everywhere!" He groaned and smacked himself on the forehead.

The Srolvic, on a lovely winter day, was eating a picnic with his beloved Beatrice and Gertrude. Luckily, they didn't each much, so he didn't bring much extra food. Although he did search for viruses on Beatrice and made sure Gertrude's oil was changed.

Now, this was a perplexing situation, he found himself in. Not one that you would expect. He tried to ignore the problem but the honking was getting annoying. Five Canadian geese had surrounded him and they did not look happy. It was a dangerous situation. The disguise wouldn't save him this time.

"Hungry for peanutbutter?" asked the Srolvic.

"Honk!" came the angry chorus.

"Didn't think so," The Srolvic replied glumly. He wondered how Pennomi was doing. Leaving an ally in the hospital without visiting was just dreadful. So, he did the one thing he could think of. He surrendured...if only briefly.

Suddenly.

The Srolvic took off his disguise. Due to the girls leaving for Africa there was a slight delay. But like sharks smelling blood, thirty seconds later:

"I see him! Get him!" Suddenly dozens of girls came piling out of the nearby forests. The geese were startled by this and took off. The Srolvic, though, was prepared, and had a new disguise.

"Hey, red head, did you see where The Hunky Srolvic went?" they asked the newly disguised Srolvic with a red haired wig.

"Hm," said the now falsetto Srolvic, "I think he was going to the SLC hospital.

"Let's go girls!" shouted one of them.

"Wait, can I come?" asked The Srolvic.

The same girl that had shouted, turned to The Disguised Srolvic and wiped the spittle off her lips. "Do you swear to love only The Srolvic forever and ever?"

"Yes," The Srolvic said, feeling slightly narcissistic.

"Do you swear to hunt down The Srolvic forever and ever until we find him and make him our leader?"

"Sure, why not... I mean, yes," The Srolvic said with a nervous twitch response after the girl glared at him for his original response.

"Then I hereby declare you a member of AFLFS, All Female Lovers for Srolvic," the girl said. "Now, let's get out of here!"

To describe how the girls moved to SLC would be to defy the laws of physics and certain initiation agreements of silence. Needless to say, they shortly arrived at the hospital of choice. The Srolvic walked in, fully disguised, into the hospital and through some rather humorous moments, arrived at Pennomi's bedside.

Outside, the mounties and AFLFS stood at odds. They only accepted each other because Pennomi hadn't outright stopped him. The nurse permitted this only because it was yet another fan, a rather ugly looking one, that wanted to worship Pennomi it appeared. The detailed weapons search and metal detector searching had been a bit over the top in The Srolvic's opinion.

"Pennomi, I have arrived to speak with you. I have come to renew our alliance. Do not surrendur to anyone. Speaking of which, keep an eye out for Canadian geese, Cheese, and potential women blackmailing you with information from 1918. But...that's just my opinion. I will be nearby and...nice Mountie uniforms," The Srolvic admired.

Pennomi only opened one eye and looked at him and whispered, "China is mine." The Srolvic nodded. "Japan and I fought. Curse the wii controller." The Srolvic nodded. Still not sure and slightly distracted by a flock of geese flying about outside. He was nervous. When he glanced back out in the hospital the horde of women had diminished down to just the Mounties. He was alone.

Suddenly.

Pennomi opened his one eye, urged on by the Voices, and saw no one there. Only a feather on the windowsill gave any hint that something out of the norm had happened.

Kay

Amarikah had thankfully had been wheeled all the way back to SLC from the Canadian hospital. Needless to say, going 70-90 mph on a wheelchair on some of the most remote highways in the U.S. had been one of the most interesting experiences she had been dragged through. The Mountie-uniformed girls had gone out of her control, Amarikah seethed. This was not to be!

There was also another predicament. She was also out of TP. Darn that magic-draining mystic arte! She had gone overboard in using Fortune's Ark earlier. Bring her magic levels back up to speed would be a pain in the neck. If anything, at least her apartment had the infinite toilet paper storage even if it had an overheating oven, the vents falling out of the dry-wall ceiling, the mattresses were stuffed with dust mites, and there was no internet in her room.

As she was placed in her apartment, an unfamiliar face revealed itself as she was dumped out of her chair onto the apartment floor, both being much to her chagrin. Amarikah lifted up her head from the actually comfortable carpet and noticed an odd character. "So, you're Cheese."

"Not really, but that is my name." The character replied between chews. Cheese was complacently eating some of Amarikah's bread, yet Amarikah decided not to try to stop him. "How did it turn out?"
"It was quite dense for the usual. I must say the same for your recent tactics." Cheese answered as he moved toward the door as Amarikah got herself to a standing position. "Honestly, dueling another competitor for the title of World Overlord or something of the like! You could have killed him!"

"Not my fault if he almost killed himself." Amarikah answered with an annoyed exhale, realizing that all of her weapons were still in SLC, likely towed off after the battle. "If you're after my plans, they're all up here anyway. The plans I wrote out were just sketches of the grand plan. Think of it like the diaries in the film The Prestige." The redhead answered, pointing to the relative area of her cerebrum. "As for the Pennomi fan-club, I'll just have to work myself back up the ranks."

Cheese merely grinned, allowing his hooded face to catch a little light. Yet, no details were shown even with this observation. "Will it even be working? Or will ocelots work against that?"

Amarikah could only stare in confusion. "...what?"

"You'll never know!" Cheese laughed in return, jumping out of the busted window that the Srolvic may have possibly left behind, yet even that was uncertain. "I'll be back for more bread, or the frying pans will retaliate!"

Amarikah moaned, hitting her head repeatedly on the floor. It was an act of sheer disappointment, utter confusion, and the wish for fruit roll-ups. "I can't believe I got so close...they're probably taking advantage of this right now."

Her psycho phone then bleeped happily to the main theme of the Simpsons, and a number with the area code of Boise came to the LCD screen of the odd cellphone that she had nicknamed Ichigo. Observing the number, Amarikah paled. "No way..."
"I'm back in town," a familiar voice spoke. "You want to do something?"
All she could do then was laugh. A maniacal peel echoed across the entire valley, which nearly resulted in the collapse of her lungs. It also elicited this response from the caller, "You haven't changed at all, have you? Tell me you at least studied kung fu while I was gone."

If she could have spoken, Amarikah would have noted that she hadn't. With that wonderful note, she fell unconscious.

When she woke up again, she was in the SLC hospital, bandages around the wounds she had received the day before. Sitting up, the surgeon was standing nearby. It was the martial arts fanatic that had introduced her to Kung Fu, and he was terribly early off of his mission, Amarikah thought with narrowed eyes. Referring to him in the Japanese form of his name, she demanded, "Kurisu! What are you doing here?"
He was a little shocked by her reaction. "The President called off all state-side missions. I heard that one of his greatest enemies was in need of assistance. I just didn't know it was you." This time it was his turn to be upset. "Why in the world did you make a Pennomi fan club if you're also trying to take over the world?"

"For distraction." She almost snapped, turning on her side. "I've just been having a hard time at this round. I've attempted world take-over twice over, I think I'd be having some experience at this by now."

At this, 'Kurisu' sighed, and opened the window to stand on a gigantic Canadian goose. "Well, you should be fine now. Take it easy for a day or two, or just cast first aid on yourself. See you."

A realization hit her in the face, and then she looked out the window to see him flying off on his unconventional mode of travel. "Cheese. Kurisu. This is...unusual." She then let her head hit the pillow again, not ready to cast nor leave.

"Perhaps Canadian hospitals weren't as good as they cracked up to be." Pennomi thought. He was still a bit annoyed at the fact that one of his eyes was completely missing. He had had to be transferred down to the SLC hospital where a professional gave him a glass eye. Ever since then, he had been looking at people with only one eye, and apparently it had made him rather intimidating.

And oddly enough, the mob of Pennomi-loving secret police Mountie women was actually working out really well. He had never before felt so secure... well, honestly, who in their right mind would get between a hysterically psychotic woman and the object of her affections? Doing such would be just plain suicide. Also, all Pennomi had to do to punish one of them would be to remove his approval, at which point the rest would outcast the one and he would never have to see her again. He already had to dismiss one of them for being a spy from Cheese.

Pennomi was starting to finally put the pieces together. In the beginning, he had suspected Cheese of being one of those annoying people who randomly showed up wherever you went, but it went deeper than this. Much deeper. It seemed as if Cheese was the mastermind behind the entire plot of the story. In fact, it was Cheese who had installed the self destruct system in his armor.

In fact, Cheese went straight to the top. Through his most trusted fan-club ninjas (he was beginning to separate them out into elite classes of skill), he had posted 'round the clock surveillance on Amarikah's apartment. When they reported, he found that there was an inexplicable connection between Cheese and the Canadian Geese. It seemed as if the Geese were actually servants of Cheese himself!

Which brought Pennomi to ponder on the most sinister thought of all. While The Srolvic was talking to him, Pennomi had merely closed his eye for a half second, and The Srolvic had gone missing, leaving nothing but a lone feather. The Srolvic had been kidnapped by Cheese's agents!

Though Pennomi had plotted The Srolvic's demise a few times (a backup plan, just in case) he was definitely loyal to his ally, and swore then and there to find The Srolvic, rescue him, and take down Cheese at the same time!

Suddenly.

The chosen cackled to himself. He was being discovered. His plot was coming unravelled. But, it would not be for long. True, he had hoped for penguins and been left with Canadian geese. And then there was the matter with Cheese. Cheese. Well, they would never discover the truth about that one.

Suddenly.

The Srolvic woke up with a headache. Goose feathers were everywhere around him and the stench of bird poop was too much. The Srolvic nearly gagged but managed to open an eye to see what had happened. He was in a nice room with bird feathers and poop. Hmm...well, that didn't help much. But large windows surrounded the room. He got up and walked over to the windows. White snow went on for miles without anything to obstruct the view. The Srolvic couldn't help but mutter to himself, "Walking in my winter underwear. Later on we'll conspire, as we dream by the fire..." He had the sudden urge to dance but supressed the urge. "Where am I?" Then he spotted them, Canadian geese. "I must be in...Canada...or Antarctica, Russia, or some other place that has snow like this. Santa's workshop? Santa, are you here?"

Clearly, The Srolvic was suffering from some sort of feverish delusion. Let us leave The Srolvic now and venture around to discover where he was for ourselves.

Cheese was sitting at a chair in a comfy, cozy kitchen careful to eat only beef or pork and not fowl. The birds were a bit touchy on that one. Cheese sat at the table not exactly sure what to do next. Antarctica hadn't been in his immediate plans but, well, he had to dupe Amarikah, The Srolvic, and Pennomi somehow.

"You know," said Cheese, "I need my own fan club." He started looking through a magazine titled, "Fans for Sale." There were baseball, cheerleading, Anime, even chess fans for sale. But no mad conspiratory fans...wait, no. there were. Cheese found them. Cheese picked up The Srolvic's cellphone and credit card and called the number.

"Hi, I'd like to purchase mad-wannabe dictator fans, please."

"One moment please...that'll be $32,500, please. Credit card, please." Cheese said The Srolvic's credit card number. "Thank you. One moment, please. Your fans will be arriving any second. Have a nice day please."

Suddenly.

A knock at the door. Cheese hurriedly went and opened the door. And what did Cheese see? Who were his fans?

"Drag queens? My fans are drag queens? What do I look like? A--wait, well, fine. Come in. Antarctica is cold today." The fans were in fact heavily bearded men wearing dresses and waving fans. The sight was...sadly hilarious.

"Great," mutterd Cheese. "Now, I'll never be respected in the dictator circles." He knew he couldn't get rid of them now. Fans had an incredibly powerful sense of smell and were very loyal to the person they were supposed to adore. The Srolvic and Pennomi could vouch for this. "So, The Srolvic and Pennomi get cute girl fans and I get drag queen fans...Well, can you guys do anything?" The drag queens rejoiced.

Cheese twitched. "Don't ever do that again." The drag queens rejoiced. Cheese wanted to throw up. "Do I get to run away from you?" The drag queens suddenly looked sullen. One of them asked a question, "May we sing for you?"

"Oh gosh, please no. Please don't do that. Just...just rejoice." So. The drag queens rejoiced. "I want revenge!" shouted Cheese.

He called up the fan company and ordered fans for Amarikah. "Yes, hairy. Yes. Make sure that she cannot escape them so easily. Thanks. Bye."

He had just purchased Amarikah's fan club. Well, at least he would suffer with company.

Suddenly.

Amarikah woke up to discover a crowd of cheerleaders in her apartment. "What the?" was all she could utter before she was interrupted by a cheer from the cheerleaders. "Oh no, you're - you're not my fan club are you?" she said with a groan. They nodded enthusiastically and did another cheer for Amarikah. She wanted revenge.

And the drag queens rejoiced.

Kay

Amarikah wanted to scream. She had tried nearly everything. The redhead was a step away from turning her club into a cruel form of slave labor or getting rid of them in some other sort of gruesome way. Why hadn't she gotten a crowd of guys for her fans?

Her Chilean adviser had been able to get her out of the SLC hospital without being rabidly attacked by her fans. At the moment, they were driving to the airport to retrieve her weapons. Her drive for this insane dream was failing, she realized as she smacked her head on the dashboard. Perhaps she could actually pull up her grade in that terrible GE class up from a C--

Such deviant thoughts were pushed out of her mind by something even more...devious. She voiced it aloud without another consideration. "Del, what if I became the Superfan?"
"What are you talking about?" Del responded with a quirky eyebrow. Amarikah had been tossed about like a rag the last few days, and she was still wondering exactly how they would defeat the dastardly boss in TOA that immediately used a mystic arte at the start of the battle. She then made a TOC reference. "Is Sterling blabbering again?"

"Not at all. He's cackling along with me." Amarikah responded, telling the other personality in her head to shut up. That redheaded fool wasn't going to help her anytime soon while he didn't have a body of his own. "But...you understand what I mean?"

"Yeah, yeah..." Del answered, not liking the idea herself. Yet as they were driving, a gigantic flock of geese, being both huge in number and size, landed on the highway, attempting to stop traffic. Only a few avian lives were lost as most cars screeched to a halt. Amarikah jumped out of the car, throwing her hair in a fashion only to be found on commercials that she had banned in her countries long ago. This had the effect of teleporting every one of her fans to her, much to her amusement. Making the reverse of her head movements, a pod of whales fell from the sky onto a billboard nearby.

"I think your hair constitutes a fon verse." Del noted, slowly getting back into the car. Amarikah protested, pointing toward the behemoth fowl, "They want to tell us something! I swear!"

They merely honked. Kurisu jumped off the back of one of these giant avians, and announced, "You're invited to Antarctica!"

"It's cold enough here!" Amarikah proclaimed back. "I knew honking translated into something bad! Let's flee, Del!"

"Not so fast, love." Kurisu laughed, throwing off his Mongolian coat to reveal his black Kung Fu gi. "I've got orders, and not even our combined love for martial arts is going to stop me!"

"Tch, that's why you broke up with me!" Amarikah replied, keeping her distance while inching toward the car. "You loved the dojo more than me!"

The fanatic shrugged. "What can I say, Sensei Strange--"

"Sifu Strange! It's a Chinese art, Sensei is Japanese! Get it right!" Amarikah yelled as she was picked up by a wave made of fans. She, and the car with Del in it, were moved to the airport by sheer fan-power. Kurisu sighed. The geese merely honked in return.

"Okay, all squads report in to me!" shouted Pennomi into his brand-new headset. He was fully decked out in his brand-new (wii-proof) armor. He sat at the controls of his brand-new Antarctic Assault Ship. Oh, yes things are good when you spend the entire GDP of China on an assault fleet.

Behind his ship, more assault ships were dotting the oceans as far as the eye could see. Each was commanded by his elite fan-club girls. He had been carefully training them for this moment, and they had exceeded all his expectations. Except for flying. None of them had achieved that yet...

"Alpha Squadron is all present, Penn!" a girl's voice said over the headset with a small giggle.

"Mira! How many times do I have to tell you about calling me that while on the job?"

"Oh... sorry... *Commander* Penn!" came back the reply with giggles no longer stifled.

Amira Jentrel was second-in-command. As such, she was the only one who could get away with calling him that. However, he couldn't let the other girls catch on.

"Whatever. Beta Squadron, how about you?"

"All present and ready to win this battle!"

Pennomi checked all the way through Omega Squadron and all ships were ready to attack. "Very well then. All ships land and deploy snowmobiles with the strike force. Go in partnerships!"

When the ships reached the frozen land, they deployed the snowmobiles (all brand-new, of course) each with two riders. They sped off into the frozen wasteland with Pennomi at their lead, Amira as his partner for the assault.

They neared the fortress of the elusive Cheese, also the location of the incarcerated Srolvic. This was going to be a piece of cake... honestly, how hard could it be to storm a place with probably only two sentient beings, (one of whom they were trying to save)?

They were almost to the main gate when Pennomi noticed some dark shapes in the sky. A huge skein of Canadian Geese!

The entire formation was scattered, trying to avoid the... er... *payloads* the geese were dropping. Truly there could be nothing more deadly to a freshly waxed (brand-new!) snowmobile than bird poo!

Chaos ruled. There was no way to get his soldiers to follow him into the base. He radioed the leaders telling them to engage the geese in combat while he stormed the base with Mira. A few minutes and two bazooka blasts later (somehow, Mira missed the side of the base the first time), they were inside.

Cheese himself was standing in front of their eyes. Tied to a chair was a rather delusional Srolvic. However, this was not what Penn and Mira were staring at. It was the contingent of fully bearded drag queens standing behind Cheese. They were rejoicing...

The site was horrifying. Truly, rejoicing drag queens in full beard mode is...well, devestating. It is said that one drag queen rejoicing in FULL beard mode was responsible for the destruction of cities throughout the ages. Pompeii was not destroyed by Mt. Vesuvius. It was destroyed because a drag qeen in FULL beard rejoiced.

Luckily, Pennomi and Amira had superhuman capabilities to withstand the rejoicing of the drag queens. For this the drag queens rejoiced. *twitch*

The Srolvic was thankfully in an unconscious state.

Cheese merely grinned at Amira and Pennomi, "So you managed to slip past my Pooper Brigade and withstood the cheerings of my drag queen fan club. But I bet you were not expecting THIS!" To the horror of Pennomi and Amira the drag queens broke out in a Can-Can dance. Amira went weak at the knees and started puking at the sight. Oh...the...horror...

But Pennomi was not a fool. He didn't not come unprepared. "I have peanutbutter, Cheese!" shouted Pennomi. It's reaction was swift. The Srolvic was awake.

"Curse you, Pennomi!" shouted Cheese and ran at Pennomi with a sword. Pennomi pulled out his own sword and a good ol' traditional sword fight began. Amira recovered, though, to unload Pennomi's own secret, devious, diabolical plan.

"Srolvic, I have a disguise for you," she called out and dashed. With cat like reflexes she avoided the Can-Can kicks of hairy legged drag queens and slipped under their high-heeled stilettos. She reached The Srolvic and placed his beloved fake glasses, nose, and beard disguise on him. The disguise worked.

"Oh no, sisters!" screamed one drag queen. "The Srolvic got away!" The other drag queens screamed in an unearthly manner. "What do we dooo?"

"Let us go cheer on our Cheese!" and they ran off, arms flailing, over to the sword fight. Amira tried with all her might to untie The Srolvic but was unable to. She cried out for Pennomi to forgive her, even though he couldn't hear her.

"You must, call my fan club," breathed out The Disguised Srolvic. Amira did so. The moment she hung up the cellphone all hell broke loose.

Suddenly.

Rabid girls came pouring into the room all crying out The Srolvic's name with tears staining their cheeks. Some even started posting pictures of The Srolvic up on the wall in an effort to, not really sure why, find The Srolvic. They started calling out his name and searching.

Suddenly.

Mounties were breaking through the windows. They did so with ninja/commando like skill. But no flying...one day...They came in with guns blazing, feathers in hair, and a grim look of satisfaction on their faces. They had no failed their master Pennomi...well, sort of. Over their heads the Canadian geese burst into the room honking and expressing their displeasure with a fresh load of treasure.

Suddenly.

Amidst the chaos a red-headed woman with cheerleaders and a pod of whales appeared.

"Finally, I can go to the movies in Japan! I've always wanted to," she was telling one of her cheerleaders. She then happened to look around with a stunned expression. "Why can't I for once just get somewhere that I wanted to go? Why can't I be in Japan. I mean- come on!"

The Srolvic was untied from his chair by the hands of rabid fan girls. With his diguise on, he was able to blend in. The wig helped even more to blend in. The drag queens were rejoicing quite heavily while they did the Can-Can as Pennomi and Cheese fought with their swords. Pennomi's girls were deciding on what to do next. Guns blazing the entire time. Amarikah was lost amid her cheerleader fan club. The whales maanged to somehow not die from lack of water. Lastly, the Canadian geese were busy bombing people left and right.

Kay

Amarikah was still fuming a bit over the fact that she wasn’t in a Japanese theater, and that Toshiro Mifune had been dead for ten years! Such a fantastic actor and he had to go out with organ failure! Not pleasant, she thought with a shudder.

As she opened her eyes after shuddering, she ordered her fan club to set up defensive perimeters in this incredibly large antechamber that was the size of a baseball field. Such an impressive style of decoration, Amarikah thought with a smile, contemplating the design of the room, full of arches and circular elements that made the room much more relaxed than one would expect the opening to a lair to be. Such an interesting use of marble, Amarikah murmured as her fan club fought bravely against the geese flying overhead. Considering that the anteroom was ten stories high and about two hundred feet wide, it was quite possible for a few of those giant geese fit in here, let alone a grand fleet of normal-sized Canadian geese.

Catching the sight of Cheese somehow appearing from one of the circular windows high above, Amarikah cast a suspicious gaze upon him, her fan club, Srolvic’s fan club, Pennomi’s fan club, Pennomi and Amira, the Srolvic, and the drag queens. When they noticed her misanthropic gaze, they rejoiced. She then glared at the peanut butter. She didn’t quite like the taste too much, but with honey it made a decent sandwich. Then again, how had Cheese suddenly stopped dueling? And for all of his complaining about her dueling Pennomi, why was he dueling?

Abruptly.

Kurisu showed his face again as the gate-like doors opened to let in the gigantic geese. He bowed low to Cheese, announcing, “All enemy forces outside are 85% incapacitated, sir! Snow and excrement made their end!”
“How pleasing,” The hooded man laughed from his post, throwing off his hood just to reveal a black space where he should exist. It was simply if someone had been cut and pasted out of the harmonies of time and space, and a sheer vacuum existed in his place.

Amarikah flinched. She hadn’t expected that.

Again, quite in the middle of everything.

“OH GREAT ONE! WATCH OUT!” A cheerleader cried, and at that a force of twenty girls made a shield of bodies to protect their master from a flurry of feathers and goose puke…which made odd flashes of light. Kurisu descended from his position on the back of one of the birds, and winced. “I think that was a snowmobile. Sorghum! Did you try eating a snowmobile?”

“You know that I don’t like you eating the mechanics.” The overlord of this fortress sighed, looking back down at his servant. “Kurisu! Make sure that Sorghum receives…I don’t know, a ton of fish for his efforts in order to defeat the enemy.”
Kurisu bowed, and then was surprised to hear Sorghum honk something that was apparently quite introspective. The Kung Fu practitioner was one of the few under Cheese’s payroll/enlistment that could understand Goose. Then again, it didn’t really surprise Amarikah that he somehow knew the language like it was his native tongue.
The giant goose apparently named Sorghum nearly responded with the answer to the meaning of the universe had it not been for Amarikah’s interjection. “Kurisu!” Amarikah roared, looking in his direction as the girls that had protected her disintegrated from the touch of something that would be absolutely vile in most cultures. She had the look of absolute calm on her face, which was almost impossible to interpret except for the fact that she was experiencing some sort of emotion to a high intensity. All of the fans quivered with excitement, ready to cheer upon her approval. Was she going to try to beat someone that outranked her severely in one martial art? She’d still win…right?
Her tone then became sweet instantly. “When was the last time you practiced your violin?”

“By the five animals of Kung Fu, a half-hour! That was so long ago!” He screamed in horror, running off without any other warning. Amarikah merely smirked at the sight of the blonde running off to go practice yet another one of his plethora of talents.

Once again, she did have the remote that Pennomi had only mistaken for a wii controller. Eying the relative chaos that reigned, she nodded with an approving grin and prepared to join in the fray. Pressing a silver button near the top that she had installed recently with the help of that mysterious weapons company, a shimmering orange ray of light sprouted out of one end of the little white device. Her fan club parted in reverence, and then started to cheer. She pivoted about, and resisted the urge to decapitate the first 5’8 blonde that was closest to her. She gave them a knowing grin, and they groveled at her feet.
Speaking of her feet, there were the socks she was wearing. I mean, honestly. Chocolate chip socks? That's right, she had borrowed these from Del. Not minding the fans going through another worship session nor the birds above or the whales sliding back off toward the ocean, Amarikah simply contemplated the socks. Cocking her head to the side in order to avoid another barrage of fowl excrement, she continued to contemplate.

“Are you even paying attention to me!?” Cheese shouted, somehow pouting in his non-existence. Apparently he had been ranting about some sort of grudge against the three grand factions at work here, the three being Amarikah, Pennomi, and the Srolvic. Yet the only reason Amarikah had an idea of that was because of the show cards that a nearby goose was holding up.

“Quiet, I’m medi—oh, forget it. You broke my focus.” Amarikah sighed, looking up at the odd character. As she entered into a dialogue with Cheese about the cold weather, the four fan clubs faced off, sizing each other up and wondering about converting the other sides. Amarikah’s fan club was mostly concerned with the Srolvic’s club considering that both consisted of girls. The Mounties were just oddly observing the rejoicing drag queens, still toting their automatic weapons, although their numbers had been greatly reduced due to the G-rated carnage outside.

Amarikah looked up at Cheese, and wondered why he was blabbering on about the lack of anarchistic libertarianism RPGs in the world. Once again, she was relying on the show cards, which apparently someone had doodled on. Cocking her head, she swore the doodle looked familiar, and included the three.
She then looked over at the four groups of fans, and felt for the small vial in her left pocket. As she checked her other pockets, the redhead girl noticed to Amira, who had been observing the dictator-in-the-making carefully. “You were at the first meeting, weren’t you? You got up in the ranks much faster than I expected. Nicely done.” As she found the vial in her left coat pocket, Amarikah grinned widely, smiling right at Amira. “Now, let’s see—“
However, her plan was spoiled as she lifted her hand out of her pocket and her vial was gone. The now shocked Amarikah turned to see Cheese in her face with her vial somehow in his hands.
“This a powerful little potion, isn’t it?” He laughed, avoiding her swipes to get it back. “Let’s see here…Superfan?” Looking back up at her, he laughed again. “Ah, yes! You used this at A-kon 15 while in your cos-play and at A-kon 18 while looking for Bleach merch!”

“Hey, you don’t know what you’re doing!” Amarikah shouted, doing everything she could to get it back. “It’s the equivalent of a bomb!”
“To your personality!” Cheese cackled. “What’ll be worse, making you three fans of each other, or just doing something else?”

Amarikah was quick to try to avoid the situation. Each of them becoming their own fanclubs would be the end of all things concerning the world-take over as far as she understood. A three-way rule over the world was not something she was willing to even consider at this point. As long as if he felt there was no need for it…
“I made Pennomi’s fan club originally!” She yelled, pointing with her lightsaber toward the competing dictator who had apparently just finished off a horde of geese. “Think about it! Only someone desperately in love with any person would make a fan club for him/her!” That brought a disturbing thought to mind as she slowly glanced over her cheerleaders. Her attention immediately went back to Pennomi. “Either way, you understand! I’m the most dedicated follower of all!”

Profanity, opposing proclamations, and general disagreement from the Mounties answered that declaration, but Cheese seemed to contemplate, withdrawing what looked like three metal slivers out of his anti-existence and dipping them in the substance of the odd vial, careful not to touch it himself. “Hmm…no. I’ve got a better idea. Desperately in love, how childish…I’ll fit the situation to that. And…I still like my first idea.”

Amarikah only had time to mutter, “Oh snap,” or something of the like before an incredibly bright flash of light expelled itself from Cheese’s body. Also, what felt like a prick from a needle unexpectedly slit across all three of the dictator’s necks.

Despite a small moment of non-existence, the drag queens rejoiced, the Mounties saluted, the cheerleaders cheered, and the countless hordes of girls spazzed.

((My apologies for the length, we’ll be back right after these messages…after an imaginary ‘eternal hot cocoa’ break, a shift at work, and a few words of truth and sanity, I’ll finish this sucker.))

Amarikah blinked open her eyes, and didn’t feel right. The world seemed out of proportion compared to before, and the feel of her clothes, her sensitivity to light, and what would be called white noise was much more prominent. She looked down at her left hand, and one of the scars wasn’t there. Inhaling sharply, she took off her glasses and examined them. Red rims…?

Fourth grade, the thought registered in her mind. It was her fourth grade body, and judging on further examination of herself, this version of her body had been soon before her first wave of depression really had hit her hard. A child, she muttered to herself. Well, if anything, at least she hadn’t been transformed back to when she could only communicate in ASL. Lifting herself off of the rug, she noticed the Srolvic and Pennomi also in what would have been their nine to ten year old forms.

She gaped. She grinned. She wanted to scream with joy. They were so adorable!
Upon thinking such contemptible thoughts, she slapped herself repeatedly. What in the world was she thinking? This would do nothing for her attempts to take over the world—ow!
Feeling a sore spot near her jugular, she winced. Cheese had let loose the Superfan potion, and had nicked her with it. It had been good at conventions in order to get a lower price on merchandise for certain types of anime, and awesome for getting others excited over anime in general. The potion worked off of the first human forms viewed, and at the conventions she was careful to watch the anime and not anything else as she had gotten herself ready for an incredible fandom craze. Well, look where drugs had gotten her now, she thought with a sigh. Nice job, moron…

Turning away from the two boys in order to throw off her focus, she observed her surroundings. She was in another marble room that partially made of ice as well. Upon touch, the ice was somehow warm. The chamber itself was very simple and plain with only a few pieces of furniture, three chairs, a table, a gigantic bean bag chair, and a couch were sparsely scattered across the room. Seeing the two guys again and having the substance running more prominently in her system, she collapsed in a fit of laughter, simply watching the two with a lopsided grin and waiting for them to come to. Darn it for not having played as Natalia more often, she would have had the Recover arte by now and would be able to undo this poison! Shaking her head and despising the Princess of Kimlasca-Lanvaldear, Amarikah’s focus went back to her competition and her brain nearly melted again with sheer joy. Sweet cuppin’ cakes, she muttered to herself, still unable to do anything but just smile. It was another six hours before this stuff started to wear off, and after that it was another two hours before it was completely out of her system. Noticing the marks near both Pennomi’s and the Srolvic’s jugulars, she winced and nearly screamed for happiness at the same time. Because the fact that the drug had been calibrated for her college-age body and only a few drops had been the equivalent of a full dose in the first place, she didn’t know how it would affect the others, for better or for worse.

Pennomi opened his eyes... "Woo Hoo! Saturday-morning cartoons!" He jumped up on the couch and clicked the remote... wait, where was the remote... Wait, where's the TV?!? For the first time, Pennomi looked around and noted that he was not in his house. He looked around at The Srolvic, who was just barely waking up, and Amarikah... they were all 10 years old! And guess what? No parents! That means they could do whatever they wanted! Penn started jumping on the couch.

"We must be the only people left on the earth!" he told the others. "We can do whatever we want!"

They all cheered and started goofing off.

(15 seconds later...)

"Okay, I'm bored!"

"Me too!"

"Me three!"

"Me infinity! Ha I win, I win! ... I win! ... ... so... what do ya wanna do?"

"I dunno, what do you wanna do?"

The Srolvic piped up. "I've always wanted to go on a field trip to India!"

So, the three youngsters tried to find the door of the room. It looked as if there was no way out. "Oh, I remember now," said the Srolvic. "This is like in Zelda with the red ice... now all we need is some blue fire." They looked around. No blue fire. "There has to be some blue fire somewhere..." cried the Srolvic. "What kind of idiot would make a dungeon without a way for the prisoners to escape?"

They argued like little kids for a while. This ended in The Srolvic pulling Amarikah's hair. She shouted, "Hey, cut it out, Srolv!"

"My name's THE SROLVIC!!" The Srolvic yelled at the top of his lungs.

Immediately and magically, there was a shaking in the ground created by a huge group of screaming fans stampeding towards the room. The fans broke through the walls in all directions, though a few of them plastered themselves on the red ice (hey, if the Biggoron Sword can't break through it, neither can a reality-bending, rabid, screaming fan...)

Moments later, a squad of cheerleaders cartwheeled into the room, chanting, followed by five or six mounties and Amira, who secured the area.

They all just stared at The Ten-Year Old Srolvic, Pennomi, and Amarikah... and then simultaneously screamed, "THEY'RE SO CUTE!!!", running up and giving their respective objects of affection hugs.

The Srolvic and Pennomi both screamed in pre-puberty voices, "Ick! Girls have cooties!"

It was worse then could be imagined. He never liked his fan club as an adult. Now they were one-hundred times worse as a 10-year-old. The Srolvic was mortified at how the girls could so easily pick him up and hug him. But he had to confess that their height did give him the opportunity to see above the forest of legs that had momentarily appeared.

At the moment he was wishing for a Biggoron Sowrd to fight back this latest infestation. And there was always the matter of getting to India. He needed some sort of distraction. Fishing around in his pocket he found his trusty disguise and put it on.

The girl holding him suddenly looked around in confusion, "Hey, where's The Srolvic?" Instant hysteria broke out among the rabid fan girls as they sobbed at the loss of the object of their obsession. A voice from below, oddly young said, "I think he's outside. He's pretending to be Cheese. I'll lead you to him!" The rabid fan girls quickly followed their disguised obsession through the corridors of the strangely massive lair.

"I wonder if I'll get to fight a mini-boss?" said The Srolvic out loud and could not suppress the childish glee in his tone. It was as if all his fantasies were coming true...well, except for the fact that he was little again.

Pennomi, the Mounties, Amira, Amarikah, and her cheerleaders followed after. The Mounties continued securing their area at Amira and Pennomi's command. Amarikah was surrounded by cartwheeling cheerleaders that would ocassionally stop to oggle Amarikah's new looks. Eventually they made it into the room that Cheese resided.

But, as usual, the rabid fan girls began to drift away since they were no longer held their by The Srolvic's appearance. Soon it was just Pennomi and his Mounties, Amarikah and her cheerleaders, and The Srolvic in disguise.

"So, you made it out of your trap, I see. Didn't you want to stay there?" Cheese said.

"No. There wasn't a TV. It was boring," yawned Pennomi.

Cheese pulled out a notebook and scribbled something down quickly, "TV, yes. I see, a TV would be great."

Amarikah stared down hard at Cheese and said a quick incantation from Zelda: Ocarina of Time (get it online now for a low price!) that ignited Cheese's notebook into flames. "I don't like you," she said stubbornly. "You're ugly and stupid." The boys snickered at this. Cheese just looked mad.

"Well," Cheese finally said, "I have the perfect punishment for you, naughty Amarikah." She stuck her tongue out at him. "I'm going to take you away from here. You will be my prisoners. We're going to go to..."

"India?" asked The Srolvic.

"India! Indeed, a perfect starting place to acquire the parts to the ultimate weapon!" he said out loud. "Yes, away to India! Kurisu, the geese!"

Moments later, they were flying on the giant geese over Antarctica on their way to India.

"Are we there yet?" complained The Srolvic.

"I'm bored..." Pennomi complained louder.

"Cheese, The Srolvic's poking me!" shouted Amarikah, still louder. "He's making faces at me!"

"Knock it off!" shouted Cheese, clearly not an expert at watching children.

The Srolvic could not help the impish grin on his face. "At last, CIDY will rise again! All of my plans will be at last be realized!"

Thus it was written. The captives and Cheese did thus make their way across the Indian ocean on their way to New Delhi, the capital of India. The water stretched on forever from horizon to horizon as they travelled north. Somehow the geese were inexhaustible.

When they were but dots on the horizon and almost gone from this view, it could be heard crystal clear Pennomi say, "I have to go to the bathroom, Cheese!"

And Cheese was heard to reply, "ARRRRRRRRRGH! I HATE CHILDREN!"

Kay

Amarikah hadn't been a fan of being a child the first time around, but this wasn't so bad, she had decided. She missed her 6' height, but then again, she had really only lost two feet in the process of reverse-aging about nine years. Still a giant, she half-grinned to herself. She was regretting burning Cheese's notebook. She was bored and wanted something to read, even if it was something she had to write herself.

They stopped on an isle in the Maldives as by some sick twist of fate there was a McDonald's and a Wal-mart there, and none of the kids could hold it much longer. As Kurisu was sent to get supplies and wait by the McDonald's bathroom doors as each child used them, he also took each of their orders with an unneeded care for being meticulous. Even Cheese ended up getting a Kids' Meal for reasons that...it said to be classified. Amarikah ran off from the rest of the group when The Srolvic and Pennomi started playing with the toys from their meals, although it had looked like fun. She had to find a way to write or she was going to die of boredom, even if she didn’t voice it like Pennomi did.

Running up to the cashier, she wanked a pen sitting there and random flyers declaring something about possible battles in the area, which she ignored and used the blank back-side for writing. Running back over to Pennomi and The Srolvic, she just watched them and wrote instead, wanting something to read later. She made a book out of the pages she wrote, binding the book of flyers together with strips of plastic cut from drinking straws.

“Somebody’s bored.” The Srolvic noted, and he started poking Amarikah. By everything good and holy, he was poking her again?

"I said stop it!" Amarikah stated loudly.

He continued.

"Stop it!"

He didn't stop, grinning at her. "What'cha going to do about it?"

The first act that Amarikah did in return was unthinkable, but the second was typical. She first slipped into her Memphis accent. "Diz iz wha'I do 'bout i'!" With that, Amarikah decked The Srolvic squarely in the face. Pennomi would have cheered had he not caught Amarikah’s bloodthirsty glance.

“I didn’t do anything!”

“Betta na’ do anythin’.” Amarikah replied, sitting back down. She absent-mindedly passed The Srolvic napkins either for the reason that he spilt his ketchup or his nose started bleeding. Which one, she wasn’t sure. What had her attention was that the playground for this McDonalds was ‘under construction’. As that translated in her mind as ‘more fun’, she watched Cheese and Kurisu get into an argument about the geese (apparently this time Cheese’s favorite giant goose had gotten into the dumpster behind the two stores on the island), and she motioned to the others for them to follow. The meals were left behind relatively untouched as she had been writing as the boys had gone at each other with small figurines.

As could be figured, the area under construction was suddenly a fairly forested area typical to something fairly close to the equator. Amarikah immediately climbed a tree, and attempted moving through the trees instead of moving along on the ground. The Srolvic resisted calling his fan club for assistance, and the Mounties were responding to Pennomi’s call. They just had an incredible distance to cover. Amarikah considered doing that reverse-hair toss in order to summon her whales for him, but she decided against it. Amira could pull it off, she thought sarcastically.

“Hey, is that what I think it is?” Pennomi asked, pointing to a chest next to a tree. Amarikah jumped down as The Srolvic and Pennomi looked at each other with a smile. In unison, they both made the sfx of opening a chest from Ocarina of Time, and Amarikah pointed out, “That could be a Mimic, you stupidheads! Didn’t you try holding the mouse over the chest and see if it lit up a blue or red ring first? I don’t care how stupid you guys are, you should know differences in color! Besides, you at least have one piece of armor break from getting hit by one of those things, and they can just rip chunks out of your health without trying!”

“We’ve never played Nox!” Pennomi declared. The Srolvic added, “Doesn’t matter, we can take on anything, even if she makes it up!”

“I’m not making it up!” Amarikah whined back. “They’re scary, dude!”

Pennomi then noticed something, and picked it up. It was a dead mouse. “Will this work?”

“Yeah!” Amarikah laughed, nodding. Pennomi was a little dismayed at the fact that she hadn’t been freaked out by the dead little animal, even which he found gross.
He held it over the chest, and a red ring of light appeared.

“Let’s get out of here, I’m not sticking around where a Mimic is!” Amarikah proclaimed, moving back a few steps.

The Srolvic nearly pouted. “You’re being boring!” He stated, moving toward the box. Pennomi also got the idea, and they both stepped toward the box. “You idiots!” Amarikah yelled, and then she screamed as the chest transformed into a monster about three times their height, seemingly inspired in design by deep-sea monsters, somewhere in between a crustacean and an angler fish.

The Srolvic cocked his head, and wondered aloud, “Well…you at least get experience from this right? Do we get gold?”

“Well, you would get experience, but my level’s too high. You two will have to deal the finishing blow.” Amarikah pointed out, muttering a lot of odd phrases and made even more hand gestures, one being fairly nasty and directed in the Mimic’s direction. Instead of decapitating both Pennomi and The Srolvic in one swipe of its claws, it roared, charging Amarikah. An odd crystalline object formed in Amarikah’s hands, and she threw it in the monster’s mouth. She darted out of the way of the monster attempting to rip her apart, getting by The Srolvic and Pennomi. Seeing this, Pennomi pulled a Dodongo bomb out of nowhere and threw it in the monster’s mouth as well.

The Srolvic merely glared at the monster, and it was frozen in place from such a glance.

“…what the dood?” Amarikah asked.
"what the dude yourself! What the heck did you do?" Pennomi asked, rather curious.
“That was a trap, dude. It’s putting three spells together. I’ve got three…castings of…” She immediately grabbed the Srolvic and Pennomi and started running. The three-serving course of Obliteration was first sounded off by that odd chorus of voices that preceded a huge radius of incredibly powerful magic. As the three explosions that rocked the island followed, Pennomi and the Srolvic looked at Amarikah. “Overkill much?”

“Um, I don’t think it’s dead.” She replied, trying to get a good look at the parched land leftover by the blast of three Obliteration casts. It was still alive, albeit…
“Hey, hey! I got it!” Pennomi laughed, running out to see the Mimic fall over as the bomb went off. A small message then appeared around his body. "You've gained 239 experience points!"
A holy light from the sky shone down on the redhead that had ended up slaying the monster, along with a chorus of deep voices. "New level gained! Advancement to Apprentice Warrior!"

"Wait, does that mean I don't heal?" Pennomi asked with a rather downcast voice.

"Where are those voices coming from?" The Srolvic wondered aloud, looking about in the general shrubbery.

"I wouldn't even try looking around, I'm afraid it's the drag queens." Amarikah responded, starting to walk back to the McDonalds. "And no, Pennomi, you don't heal, but did the Hero of Time heal through magical means?"

"Well not exactly, there were fairies, but--Hey, it's twitching still!" Pennomi cried out, his attention span captivated at the sight. He then tied the dead mouse to a stick by the tail and shook it around a few times. “Rat flail!” He then ran up behind the Mimic and started beating its dead corpse. It did bring a few giggles out of Amarikah, and then the Srolvic asked, “What is that? Pennomi, stop! Look!”

Something shiny was sticking out of the Mimic, and Amarikah gasped. “Dude! It’s the Staff of Oblivion!” Running up and taking the halberd out of the monster, she giggled maniacally. “It’s got every part it needs, I’ve got the power to kill every necromancer that exists!”

“Well, I’m happy I’m not one.” Cheese spoke, suddenly behind the three-some grinning widely. Kurisu was also waiting by his master’s side.

“You’s as ugly as one.” Amarikah retorted, getting a few snickers out of the Srolvic and Pennomi.

“What’s there to be ugly about?” Cheese asked, seriously expecting a deep answer. “I’m a void of existence.” He received no answer, just laughter.

Amarikah then withdrew her ocarina from her pocket, and played Song of Storms, resulting in three hyper kids playing in the downpour that ensued.

Kurisu sighed, looking over their understandably small collection of dictatorial children. As the five walked back to the geese, he asked Cheese quietly, "Cheese, why haven't you just killed them yet? They're halfway to helpless like this."
"What, is it too awkward for you? I'd kind of think it be a little awkward trying to kill your ex in front of you, especially when she's nearly ten years younger...unless you're all right with that."
"Don't worry about that." Kurisu exhaled, not looking in Amarikah's direction.
"We need them, you know." Cheese added as he jumped onto Sorghum's back in a manner that looked relatively as if he had used the Force. Kurisu followed suit, asking his boss quietly,
"Just how in the world is the 'ultimate weapon' a lampshade--"

"COME ON!! AMARIKAH, TURN OFF THE RAIN!!" Cheese yelled to the three kids, who had started wrestling in the sand over some comment that Pennomi had made. Amarikah merely stuck her tongue out at Cheese, and then played the song just so the geese wouldn't have to fly in the rain. As they took off again, Amarikah started poking The Srolvic with the less-sharp end of the Staff of Oblivion with glee.

“GIRLS EVERYWHERE!! I AM THE SROLVIC!!” He screamed, and a huge wave of fans came out of the ocean, trying to overtake the flying geese. Amarikah then pointed the staff at the wave, and let loose a storm of electricity that only paralyzed the girls’ bodies for a moment, not their will. They were then pursued for miles, until Cheese distracted the group with an apparition of the adult form of The Srolvic on an isle nearby, at least long enough for them to fly off into the relative sunset. Pennomi then attempted to steal the ocarina, and all of chaos ensued on a giant goose's back.

The Mounties were still pursuing their former founder and their idol, now on the backs of the whales that still hadn't made it to the Antarctic shore.

Fifteen minutes (that felt like fifteen days to Cheese) later...

"Land ho!" cried The Srolvic. They had arrived in India!

Cheese, Kurisu, and the three little twerps got off the backs of the geese and stepped down onto the ground in the middle of the marketplace. It sure was busy... a person could almost get lost...

"Hey, where are the kids!?!" cried Cheese. Kurisu looked around. They were nowhere to be seen.

"Ha ha! Stupid Cheese!" said Pennomi. They had run off together into the crowd. "Okay, now lets go find some monsters to kill."

"Wait, I wanted to go raise my bovine army!" The Srolvic whined.

"No way, you hafta come with us!"

"I don't want to kill monsters." said Amarikah. She was in 'reading' mode, for sure. Honestly, Pennomi couldn't figure out why anyone would read books when they could fight monsters.

"Fine then. We'll all do whatever we feel like, as long as it annoys Cheese."

"Deal!" they all said. They spit in their hands and shook on it.

==== Pennomi's Adventure ====

Pennomi weaved through the crowd until he reached a grassy area. Perfect! It was just tall enough... Success! As he walked through the grass, he heard a little ring and a green crystal appeared above his head.

He ran to the nearest store and looked around. It was full of recovery hearts, deku nuts, jars full of everything known to man... wow, it's pretty hard to get better than that. As he looked over the jars, he knew what he was going to buy with his newfound treasure.

He grabbed the jar and walked up to the counter. He threw the rupee to the cashier and started walking away.

"Hey kid! That faerie costs 100 rupees. You can't just give me one and call it fair!"

Pennomi started running.

Luckily, he escaped in the same way that he did from Cheese.

Fifteen minutes and fifteen stores later, Pennomi had a fine green tunic, a wooden shield, a wooden sword, a giant's wallet, a slingshot, a full seed satchel and pointy ears. Ya gotta have the pointy ears!

Laughing, he ran out into the woods to fight monsters. Unfortunately, he was laden down with so much stuff that he tripped, breaking open his bottle. The two next words he heard were "Hey! Listen!"

===The Srolvic's Adventure===

The Srolvic was left alone in the marketplace. He sat there thinking and as he did so he saw a kid that looked oddly like Pennomi but with green clothes and pointed ears being chased by over a dozen merchants. They did not look happy with him.

Amarikah had disappeared and so The Srolvic just thought. Indians walked all over the place. Cows stood lazily about, swiping flies away with their tails. But one girl in particular caught his interest. The Srolvic departed from his deep thinking and approached the girl.

"What's your name?" he asked her. She was a dark haired girl and spoke with an American accent to her English.

"CIDY," she replied.

"All in caps? That's odd," The Srolvic observed, living up to the title of Captain Obvious.

"Well, it's an acronym," she answered.

"What's an a crony 'm'?" asked The Srolvic.

"No, a-c-r-o-n-y-m," they're letters that stand for something. CIDY stands for Chuck Is Definitely Yummy."

"Why would you name yourself that?"

"Never mind that. What do you want, pipsqueak?"

"I want to hire you as my commander of all forces bovine," The Srolvic announced.

"Do I get benefits?"

"The usual dental care and dismemberment plan," replied The Srolvic.

"How many bovines?"

"All of them. All of the bovines!" The Srolvic said and then laughed madly. CIDY coolly observed him.

"Fine. I'll lead your bovine army. But I want a 10% increase in my salary now and then," she responded.

"7%," answered The Srolvic immediately.

"10%!" shouted CIDY.

"Ok, ok, fine. 10% increase now and then. Well, CIDY, your first task is to travel to California where we all know the happy cows are and commit them to join the cause!"

"Ya ya, I'm on my way," she muttered.

"Oh, it's beautiful, beautiful!" cried out The Srolvic madly. He adjusted his disguise and walked around the marketplace searching for something. He needed something that was important. That would assist him in his next phase. He found it lying in a store and knew right away that he needed it.

"How much for the Fierce Deity Mask?" asked The Srolvic.

"More then you can afford, kid," the owner responded.

The Srolvic contemplated how best to precede in obtaining this new disguise. He decided upon a plan that was diabolical, evil, and fun. The Srolvic left and found Cheese in the marketplace. Putting on the redhead wig, The Srolvic quickly lifted Cheese of his wallet. Sweet revenge would be his at last. The Srolvic had never forgotten how Cheese had charged to The Srolvic's credit card thousands of dollars in fans. He would get his revenge!

"Lampshade? You have no idea the power that exists in this one!" replied Cheese to Kurisu. The Srolvic, chuckling to himself, made his way back to the store.

"Good sir," said The Srolvic in a false bass. But with double the disguise he would obtain the treasure of his dreams.

"Yes?" asked the businessman.

"I would like to purchase this mask from you? How much?"

"Twelve million Euros," responded the man.

"Do you accept credit?" asked The Srolvic with a grin behind his fake mustache.

"Why of course!" the man replied with a smile.

"Hey, I'm in such a good mood. Why don't you charge another million to my account for...some other good mask," The Srolvic said with a smile.

"Why of course! If you'd like you can have the Goron, Gerudo, and Deku Scrub masks," the man said with an eager grin.

Wanting more revenge, The Srolvic handed the man a few thousand dollars in cash. Evidently Cheese was a wealthy man. But not for long!

Leaving the shop, The Srolvic held in his hands the Fierce Deity, Goron, Gerudo, and Deku Scrub masks of Zelda: Majora's Mask (for a limited time, now, you can get this game on Amazon.com!!!).

"I want to be the Fierce Deity," laughed The Srolvic to himself and put on the mask. He was forced to go through the scene of pain as his body transformed. Finally he was standing uber-cool. He slid Cheese's wallet into his wallet and chuckled to himself as he walked away. Now for phase three...

Kay

===What could have possibly been Amarikah's adventure===

She slurped a bowl of something that she forgot the name of from the top of the huge monstrosity of marble called the Lotus Temple, not terribly familiar with her surroundings. Of all of the places in the world, she wasn't familiar with much south of Bhutan. It would be good to get familiar with the capital of one of the greatest nations in the world. Besides, she had finished reading over what she had written for herself to read. Not enough genius, she exhaled. Now she had to find something else to do.

Somehow getting down from the tips of the gigantic marble petals of the building, she still had her Staff in hand, making an American girl walking the streets look fairly...demonic. However, the smile on her face could have been compared to that of the Buddha, especially when she walked into a building and found rows and rows of cubicles.
"Hey, what are you doing?" A man asked as she brought the staff which was twice her length to a horizontal position, laying her hand on the glowing blue item on the end known simply as the Orb. She giggled back, quoting the CGI opening of one of her favorite games, "And now, I will reign over all of Nox!" Stabbing the halberd end of the staff into a computer nearby, all of the computers fried instantly thanks to the wiring. As could be figured, the power for that entire street suddenly died. "Try serving your American overlords now!" Amarikah laughed as she walked out, yanking her prized find out of the broken monitor and strode out as casually as she had come in.

That had felt good, she laughed. There was the chance that the souls of the undead necromancers could be affecting her through the use of the staff. However, the sorceress Hecubah had been a child when first introduced to the staff, so Amarikah figured that she would be fine. It took her walking outside and looking at a mirror being carried inside a house to realize her mistake in logic. By all literal means, at this very moment she was a child. "Crap." She muttered, looking at the staff again. Well, if the hero Jandor hadn't gone crazy, neither would she.

Walking down streets and singing at the top of her lungs in as many foreign languages she could sing in, made-up or otherwise. Despite the stares, she clambered up to the top of a market building and she started singing 'Pal Pal Hai Bhari'.

And the drag queens rejoiced ever so suddenly.

The entire street was invaded by a Bollywood production crew. Chaos ensued. Warm lighting was set up for the fill light, and the diegetics were being debated over. A crazy director tore up the beloved script, and flung it all over the freshly painted set, making the beautiful writing stick to the fake tree.
The only way that Amarikah could escape from the cameras (using 16 f-stop exposure considering how bright it was outside), around noonday, was because of a chicken.
Yet it was not just any chicken. They were the Cuckoos. Apparently this feathered thing had an army of his own, and invaded with many of his fellow brethren. "Ko-kooooooooo!"

Needless to say, Amarikah departed with her calm smile in the midst of the G-rated, feathery carnage. Removing herself from the attention, Amarikah bought a samosa with some of the money she had wanked (Freetranslation.com translates this word ‘wanked’ from ‘Slang collected from DC/Phoenix/Memphis/Dallas’ to ‘English’. The meaning is something around the lines of ‘stolen in an obvious manner’.)
…thankfully not wenched (Freetranslation.com will not translate this. Believe me, I tried, it won’t.) out of Kurisu's wallet earlier that morning.

===Amarikah's adventure has now stopped bearing the title "Amarikah's Adventure"===

She noticed Pennomi jumping off of a nearby roof and rolling thanks to the Z button ability given to him by his glowing fuzzball of light, called a faerie by many.

Pennomi ran by her, and she let the halberd end touch the ground at a low angle, tripping the boy. "Stealing, are we?" She clicked her tongue condescendingly, and looked up to see the infuriated merchants. "Well, stealing doesn't deserve death in my book." She stated, sliding the not-sharp end of the staff up the back of his shirt with a deft movement. She then picked him up by his baggy tunic, and started running.

Then, the faerie interceded. “Hey, listen!”

No, Amarikah thought to herself, screwing her eyes shut. She hated that blasted voice and that darn…able sound. Yet it sounded like someone familiar—
BAM! Instead of flashing red for a few seconds and groaning in an odd voice, she just groaned in her own voice. She had run into a wall, but she didn’t drop the halberd or Pennomi. She dashed down winding paths, and then down an alleyway. Fortunately, they lost the merchants. Unfortunately, Amarikah had lost her mind. The fairy would not shut up. “Hey! Hey listen!”

It was the only thing that Amarikah heard for the next five minutes. She thought she might have heard her own breathing after the first few ones, but it came again. Again. And again. And again. And yet again. That magical creature’s voice became a searing, circling mantra in her mind that made her collapse in a seizure. Thankfully, in doing so, she crushed the source of her mental collapse. She came to fairly quickly, and saw the smashed sphere (because she didn’t believe that the fairy could actually have a humanoid body, it was merely a fuzzy glowing sphere with wings) in Pennomi’s hands.

Tears were forming in his eyes, but she wasn’t sure if he was angrier at her for killing the thing on accident or angrier that his tool for resurrection was dead. “You killed her!” He declared.
Amarikah merely raised her eyebrows. “It was so a dude!”
“Dun’ matter!” He cried back. “What if I die? Then what happens?”
Amarikah couldn’t help but laugh. “Then you die, stupid. Navi never sacrificed her life to resurrect Link, sorry!”
He then glared at her. “Bring her back! I know you can!”
Amarikah shrugged. “How do you want me to bring it back? I know more than one way.”
“The best one!”

“Fine! I’ll do them all!” Amarikah answered back, not really knowing which was best. Setting her halberd to the side, the magically inclined dictator-to-be spit into her hands and rubbed them together. She rubbed them so fiercely that a flame started thanks to the magically-aided friction. Bringing her hands apart, the flame rested in mid-air in between her palms, and snapping her hands shut into fists, the flame was transformed into a feather. This brilliantly gold and orange fluff, a feather of phoenix down, was laid on the little glowing light that had been Pennomi’s fairy. That didn’t seem to work for some odd reason. The little fuzzball twitched for a moment, and then was still again. “Hmm. Here.”

She took out the orange flower that had been in her braided hair. Amarikah actually did put up her hair since her transformation to a child, which was understandably inconceivable. She tore the petals of the potent healing flower apart and laid that on the fairy as well. Nothing. “Time for the traditional artes,” she declared. Resurrection arte—nothing. FOF change to Regenerate—nothing. Revive and Restore were useless, and they were the only artes of Natalia’s artes that she could use. Lesser Heal, Greater Heal, and Spawn did nothing either. Amarikah casted Drain Mana just to restore her magical reserves—and because it was cool to see magic just float into her body.
She even attempted a miracle pill—but there was no way it would fit in the thing’s body, let alone its mouth. The little pest was too small. For a moment she had considered using Cantonese divination methods in order to search out for its spirit, ‘cause it was gone for sure—

“You’d better bring her back!” Pennomi threatened, seeing Amarikah’s loss of enthusiasm. “It’s your fault! I know you can do something about it, too!”
She responded with a sick smile as the Srolvic-

Abruptly. (sponsored by Ebay!)

-ran into her vision and then ran out of it. “Well, I’m sure it tastes good—”

Pennomi drew the Kokiri Sword with one hand and put it to her neck as he held his fairy in the other hand. “She’s a person. You don’t call a person ‘it’.”
Amarikah warned, tapping the halberd leaning against the wall, “Just because you’ve got a pointy object doesn’t mean I have a pointier one—”
He lightly dug in the point of the sword a little harder, and she immediately backed off. “Fine, fine, I get it, I’m getting to it.”

Amarikah tried thinking of another method—perhaps there had to be a certain method for the fae. She was downright talented at resurrecting humans, but apparently not much else. Sticking her tongue in her cheek, she brainstormed something to the equivalent of a tornado. Finally, the solution came and she smacked her palm to her face. The Hook method. Aw, she hated the Hook method! She started clapping her hands, and wouldn’t call out that phrase of cheesy faith that made her stomach convulse every time she thought of it. Instead, Amarikah sarcastically called out, “You know how much I believe in you? You know how many times you saved my life when in the whale’s belly?”
“…you died in the whale.” Pennomi stated, giving her the most disbelieving look possible.
“I was seven, give me a break!” Amarikah replied. Glaring at the fairy, she added, “Because of Ruto nagging me and the fairy whining at me, there’s a reason I became so good at human resurrection!”

“You sucked then and you suck now at resurrection!” The fairy whined in a rather high-pitched voice, sitting up in Pennomi’s hands, shaking her head at Amarikah.
“No, I don’t! I’m good at it! Hey, when did you resurrect?” Amarikah asked, truly shocked, and thereby extremely curious.
“Well, I was awake the first time. I liked that whole Phoenix Down attempt—I thought you had forgotten Final Fantasy X.”
“How could I forget what inspired my first manuscript?” Amarikah asked with a grin, picking back up her halberd. “It would be the exact same as if I forgot my name! I didn’t know it was you, Fuzzball!”

“If you say so.” The fairy laughed back. The magical creature’s visage then turned rather sour. “Don’t call me fuzzball, you. ‘Fuzzball’ inspired you to know what you know now.”

That got Amarikah giggling. The fairy then turned to Pennomi. “As can be figured, I’ve known her for a long time. I taught her the beginnings of her Western-style magic abilities. Myst taught her a lot too, but I think I can claim that I’m her first real teacher. Eastern-style she first got from some Japanese game…Thunder and Lightning I believe. But that’s not the point. To be perfectly honest, she doesn’t need me anymore. I’m yours. I’ll teach you everything I know or just allow you to use the Z button correctly.”
Pennomi shrugged. “Well, who are you?”
“Whatever you want. Just not a fuzzball.” The fairy replied with a luminous glare at Amarikah.

Meanwhile, Cheese was wearing the lampshade now, and his drag queens had hitched a ride with the Bollywood crew from Antarctica. Apparently, the director had begged to shoot on site instead of just making an indoor set, and they had filmed the epic battle between Pennomi/The Srolvic/Amarikah/Cheese/the fanclubs. He had cut a lot out during what he called the ‘transition’ period, but since this interesting story had gone back home, he had followed the dictators home.

The director walked by the alley in which the fairy was introducing…whatever it was to Pennomi, and the man called out, “Hey, you three are on set in fifteen—everyone’s been wondering where you were!”

“I’m not dressing up, singing, or dancing!” Pennomi asserted. “Nuh-uh! I only watch TV, I’m not in it!”

“Well, The Srolvic won’t even let himself be caught in the lens of a camera, let alone do all a’ that.” The director responded.

“I want to be behind the camera if I’m going to be in front of it.” Amarikah said, making her opinion clear. “I refuse to be on set if I don’t get a say in the shot. You way overexpose and you downplay the lighting on your set and make it look really cheaply made in the process. You should make your movies look more realistic. I can see paint dripping off of your sets in your movies. If it’s not that, you use so much spray paint that the aerosol’s visible in the air while you shoot!”

The director protested against the opinion. “I can’t help it if Cheese loves spray paint—“

But it was too late. The drag queens were rejoicing behind the director, and cheering Cheese on as he snuck up behind Amarikah and Pennomi, slamming the lampshade on over Amarikah, canceling out all of her magical abilities. Thankfully, Kurisu had paid for the item, but who cared. He was richer than Cheese himself. “Phase one complete!”
Kurisu made no comment, and walked inside a martial arts building instead.

But so abruptly! (even more sponsored by Ebay!)

The Cuckoos arrived, and feathers descended upon the area, along with G-rated carnage. And the cheerleaders and the Mounties were still walking along in Antarctica. They had refused to pay the signing fees that would release the director from all cheering and AK-47 ‘misfiring’ that could occur, and so they couldn’t get a ride to New Delhi. The whales accompanied them out of sympathy.

((*sings* And I got Nox back when I was in Dallas…it’s here for me to be sucked into!))

Pennomi looked startled as all the doors in the general vicinity slammed closed. Cheese stomped forward slowly, and laughed maniacally. Words appeared below him in white:

Ugly Face of Darkness
CHEESENDORF

"All right, boss fight!" Pennomi shouted. He drew his sword and asked, "Navi, how do I defeat Cheese?"

His faerie looked at him and said, "What? Oh, I'm not Navi, I'm her sister, Tavi!"

Amarikah just shrugged (as well as she could inside a lampshade) and said, "What? Did you think I knew the Hero of Time's Navi? No way, she was long gone by the time I went to Kokiri Forest. Luckily, I met Tavi instead."

"Oh. Well, then. Tavi, how do I defeat Cheese?"

"Use your light arrows to stun him, then slash at him with your sword!"

"Tavi... I don't have light arrows. I don't even have a bow."

"Oh. Then just hack away wildly and maybe you will do some damage."

Pennomi charged forward and swiped his sword at Cheese. Cheese pulled out his sword and parried the blow. Luckily, even as a child, Pennomi was a vastly superior swordsman. He drove Cheese back and nearly knocked him off a cliff that was conveniently in the middle of the city.

All was silent except for the sound of metal on wood. The cuckoos sat around watching the two exchange blows. Amarikah struggled to escape the lampshade. Even though his sword was wooden, Pennomi clearly had the upper hand. Then suddenly, Cheese said something.

"I am not left handed." He threw his sword into his other hand and started fighting with even more ferocity and skill than before.

Pennomi was surprised, but then replied, "Well, I AM left-handed, and I'm still way better than you." He parried a blow from Cheese and shot a gale seed with his slingshot, blowing Cheese straight off of the cliff.

Pennomi cried out with victory and claimed his spoils - a new heart container. He raised it high in his hands... an extra heart appended itself to his life. Then he realized something.

"Wait, does that mean I don't heal!?! ...not again!" he groaned. Pennomi was starting to see a really depressing pattern here.

"And that's a wrap!" said the director. "Don't worry about Cheese, we used a stunt double."

Amarikah, Pennomi and the cuckoos all squawked in anger and surprise. Right on cue, the real Cheese stepped on to the set, sword in hand. Pennomi groaned, "Not again!"

Evil Void of Existence
CHEESE

Cheese began his long dialogue on how evil he was and began to reveal his entire plan. It was so boring that Pennomi skipped it by rapidly pushing the 'next' button.

He swung his sword at Cheese, and as their swords connected, Pennomi's wooden sword was cut in half.

"I don't use stage props." said Cheese.

Pennomi raised his hands in surrender. Suddenly, he turned to the cuckoos and yelled, "Attack, my cuckoos!!"

The cuckoos didn't budge. Cheese laughed evilly and then explained that the cuckoos were now his servants as well.

"Er... I promise that I will never light any of you on fire, ever again." Pennomi pleaded. It was no good. Cheese just had too much influence over all birds.

"Give up, Pennomi. If either you or Amarikah try anything, there will be fowl play. Get it? Fowl"

Pennomi and Amarikah groaned and Amarikah said, "Wow, you're ugly AND your jokes are corny. You might as well just kill me now." Pennomi just laughed.

Cheese fumed at this. "Capture them!" he ordered.

Pennomi and Amarikah were surrounded, and even though Amarikah had gotten out of the lampshade, there was no way to fight Cheese, Canadian Geese, drag queens, a film crew AND cuckoos. They were doomed... unless...

It was a strange experience looking all spiffy and, er, godlike. The Srolvic with the Fierce Deity Mask had the sudden urge to walk like he owned the place. He was cool with the blue hair and blue clothes mixed with green. Yeah, spiffy was a good description. There was just one problem.

"It's The Srolvic!" shouted the rabid fan girls on top of the train heading for Berlin.

It sucked as a disguise.

Suddenly.

The Srolvic was forced to jump off the train in the middle of someplace called Vienna. The Srolvic had managed to leave India behind in an effort to meet his blackmailer. He had plans. Oh yes, he had plans. It had required a gathering of unusual material. Namely a banana peel and an odd looking bonzai tree with a mustache on it. Don't ask. The Srolvic didn't get it either and he was pretty sure that no one else got it either.

The Srolvic found himself in the middle of Vienna and deliberately avoided describing the scenery. He didn't want anyone to find him. Especially with the rabid fan girls chasing him. It was a moment of true secrecy.

"Excuse me, The Srolvic, could I offer you a watch?" asked a shady man with an unusually good English accent.

"Wha? How do you even know who I am?" asked The Srolvic.

"The sign on your back kind of gave it away," spoke up the man, again with a crisp English accent.

The Srolvic twisted around to look at the paper on his back. It was written in red lipstick. Clearly the work of a fan girl. It read: I am The Srolvic.

Ah, so that's how the girls were able to figure him out. He pulled it off. And felt smug that he would be able to avoid the rabid fan girls now.

"Thanks!" The Srolvic said with a smile.

"Wait, I also knew because of the Lost Posters with a description of you and the strange woman in the military outfit following you from behind."

"Dude, what are you, my stalker?" asked The Srolvic.

"No, I was just told to tell you cause you needed some help. Now, er, buy a (edited for content) watch now or I'll tell the rabid fan girls where to find you," the man said with an oily smile.

The Srolvic growled and bought a lovely watch that read Crolex. The man was already leaving. The Srolvic took off the mask then and returned to his normal, adorable, 10-year-old self once again.

The effect was instantaneous. The rabid fan girls were everywhere: shrieking, crying, and oddly enough setting out a picnic complete with sandwiches, potato salad, and cold lemonade. Some were even putting up more posters of The Srolvic. This, once more, confused The Srolvic in being necessary. Some of the girls were wearing shirts with The Srolvic in different disguises. One was of The Srolvic looking like a cross between a blonde woman and a drunk Yoshi from Mario Brothers. To say the least, the effect was very distrubing and nearly made The Srolvic hurl. It was like seeing himself as a drag queen.

The thought made him shudder. The Srolvic thought of putting on another disguise and disappearing but the woman in the military uniform, a monocle, and a fake mustache was nearby. So, The Srolvic sat down to a picnic with the vile girls.

Suddenly.

CIDY had successfully recruited all the bovines in California to the cause of The Srolvic. Wisconsin was next followed by the Longhorns of Texas! The Srolvic, dictator at large, suddenly was at last united with his dreaded fan club.

It is said that The Srolvic mysteriously disappeared from among the fan girls and was replaced by Can-Can'ing drag queens. Perhaps Cheese had him.

Or perhaps The Srolvic managed to escape. The Srolvic, was reported to show up in Moscow an hour later but The Srolvic in reality was on his way to Berlin using the amazing ability to move that his fan girls had, this time in the disguise of a Deku Scrub and using the alias of Sheila as he "searched" for The Ever Elusive Srolvic.

Suddenly.

Bovines were fleeing their masters and joining the massive army of CIDY.

Kay

It looked as if they were doomed. As Amarikah pulled off the lampshade, she looked over at Pennomi. "Where'd you get the ears, by the way?"
"There he is! He got that plastic surgery from me!" A merchant shouted, and the crowd of angry shopkeepers charged down the road. Cheese was barely able to snatch the lampshade back before yet another session of G-rated carnage was let loose on the streets. Amarikah and Pennomi ran for it amidst the convenient chaos.

Spray paint went everywhere. Laine and Scott were rather confused while driving by. Whales started raining from the sky, and a plant thought, "Oh no, not again..."

And the director got every moment of it on Ektachrome 64T Color Reversal Film.

--2.15 minutes later--

"So, what did you find out?" Kurisu asked, bowing out of the dojo and walking next to his master as they headed toward the airport.
Cheese held up the lampshade, which now had etchings all over its polyester and polymer frame. "Tell me what you think, I'm getting plane tickets."
"A map...but of what?" The minion asked, tracing a line that led out of New Delhi with a finger.
Cheese used Kurisu's credit cards in order to pay for the airfare at the convenient kiosk, and then turned to his slave. "A map to the ultimate weapon. You see, the more abilities that Amarikah can use and utilizes, the more detailed this map becomes. We just need this much detail--we're going now--"

Cheese cut himself short as the map was fading away. With a snarl that was rather invisible considering his state of non-existence, Cheese turned back to the kiosk, and shouted at it, "Get me a flock of ostriches now, an entire battalion of them!"

Instead, the kiosk spat out a skeleton, which merely laughed at him.

"We just acted too quickly, it won't be much trouble." Kurisu replied, looking out the windows of the airport. "I'll track her down. She'll be able to do more as an adult than as a child, and I've got just the plan for it."

"I don't suppose you care that we charged $500 to your account?" Cheese asked. The skeleton laughed harder, which brought a lot of stares from around the airport. No one noticed that Cheese was a void of existence until that blasted skeleton had started laughing about it. Kurisu shook his head in the negative, and once again stripped off whatever outer clothing he had down to his Kung Fu uniform. Without another word, he ran off in pursuit of the other half of the key to finding the ultimate weapon.

Cheese sighed, and put a hand on the skeleton's shoulder. "You're not a vampire by chance?" The void of existence asked as a flock of Cuckoos flew in along with a giant goose. The skeleton merely laughed again, and used the lampshade as a hat. At seeing this, the drag queens made the skeleton named Kensington their leader, and they all rejoiced in unison.

The Mounties had finally made it to the water, and the cheerleaders cheered. The whales nearly dumped them in the water, but they were spared due to unknown naval fleets.

--Yet another sixteen seconds later--

Pennomi and Amarikah had made it to what looked like a cathedral in the middle of the capital of a largely not-Christian nation. In entering, the sound of monks was quite clear and present, and obviously holier than words can describe.
Amarikah immediately made friends with the invisible monks, and allowed them to be in the higher echelons of her fanclub. Considering that they were invisible and could only make the sound of the Song of Time for their modes of communication, their satisfaction at being in her fanclub was relatively uncertain.

Pennomi cocked his head, looking at the three indentations in an altar before a grand door. Tavi informed, "These are where the three stones of the world are supposed to reside...but I think the Srolvic has one. Amarikah might have another. You should have one, but I don't know why you don't."
They both looked over at Amarikah for clarification, but she high-fived with an invisible...or non-existent monk.

"Well, I know what's back there!" Pennomi announced, and made a complex rigging of Dodongo bombs by the door. Using a Bomb-chu from a far distance, he blew the Door of Time open.

Amarikah continued to chat without noticing.

Pennomi ran into the temple, Tavi following close behind. It was dark, but as his eyes adjusted, he saw a dark shape in front of him... in the shape of a sword sticking in a pedestal.

He walked forward reverently, knowing that he would be the next Hero of Time.

Suddenly, Cheese and Kurisu ran past him, pushing him to the side. Cheese grabbed the sword by the hilt and lifted it with a grunt. The sword wouldn't budge. He tried again, but couldn't pull it out. Once more he tried, but then Pennomi heard a loud pop and saw Cheese step back holding his back. "Argh, I'm getting too old for this! Kurisu! Get this sword out of this stone!" he yelled.

Kurisu, spat in his hands, flexed his muscles and pulled on the hilt as hard as he could. Nothing happened. He decided to try a different approach and axe-kicked the stone. He realized that it wasn't such a smart idea just as he broke the bones in his foot.

"How am I supposed to change Amarikah back into an adult without the sword from the Temple of Time?" Cheese groaned.

Suddenly, a voice came from seemingly nowhere. "Only the pure in heart will deserve this sword..." Cheese pushed the invisible monk aside (apparently, voids of existence can see invisible monks) and stormed outside.

A few seconds passed and he was stomping back in to the temple. He was holding a little baby. "Go on little fella, don't you want that shiny sword?" he said in the sweetest voice he could muster. "Come on, look, it's shiny!"

The baby just yawned and went to sleep. "OKAY, THAT'S IT. NO MORE BEING NICE TO CHILDREN!" Cheese shouted.

The baby woke up, crying furiously. Then everyone heard a funny sound and smelled something awful. Cheese looked down at the baby, which had a smug look on its face, and yelled, "Oh, gross!" He looked around for someone to give the baby to, but Kurisu was nursing his foot and Pennomi was nearly dying laughing at Cheese.

Suddenly, a woman stormed in holding a frying pan in one hand and shuriken in the other. Cheese gulped and asked quietly, "Uh... this is YOUR baby? I must have... er... gotten our children mixed up..."

The next thing Cheese knew, he was waking up int the middle of the rain forest, tied horizontally to a pole, roasting over a fire. "Where am I?" he groaned. The savages danced around him ritualistically.

Kurisu, seeing the fury which the mother had beaten Cheese, denied ever having met him before. He limped back to his geese and waited for Cheese's return.

Pennomi, finding himself alone in the temple, walked up the stairs and took hold of the hilt of the sword. The voice of the monk came to him, "Are you pure in heart?"

Pennomi replied, "Yes. My whole life I have dedicated to the Sword and I am ready to claim this sword."

"Prove your worthiness by reciting out of the Book of the Sword." said the monk.

"In the beginning was the Sword, and the Sword was with Inigo Montoya, and the Sword was Inigo Montoya..." Pennomi began.

"You have passed the test, young one. You may claim the Master Sword."

Pennomi pulled the sword from the pedestal and suddenly a shimmering light surrounded him, putting him in stasis for eight years.

Amarikah had just walked in when he grabbed the sword, and all she could say now was, "Pennomi, you idiot! We don't have seven days to spare, let alone seven years!"

Then, an idea came to her. She flipped her hair majestically and all of a sudden, the entire world was teleported seven years into the future. Pennomi was still trapped in the glow, so Amarikah put them all another year ahead.

Pennomi stepped down from the pedestal, finally an adult again. He looked down at Amarikah and said, "Wait, how come I'm older now and you are still a kid?"

"Magic." she said simply.

Just then, their fan clubs arrived at the temple. Mounties started setting up a temporary base while the cheerleaders did backflips, chanting about how great Amarikah is. Amira ran up to Pennomi, hugging him. "Mira!" he ordered as he blushed. "Not in front of the others!"

Seven years after Pennomi obtained the Master Sword, Cheese was sitting comfortably in a rain forest. He had no idea where he was or how to get back to the rest of the world… but he didn’t care too much, because he couldn’t remember who he was anyway. And the savages wouldn’t let him leave.

Several days after the tribe had started trying to roast Cheese, they had decided to give up on it. Voids of existence simply wouldn’t cook in the usual way. And all the dancers’ feet were tired from several days of ritualistic dancing.

Needless to say, they decided that anyone who couldn’t be roasted alive must be fated to be their prophesied leader, and they dedicated the resources of their village to making him comfortable. Once he got over the deprivations of having been tied horizontally to a spit for several days (including withdrawals from lack of spray paint), he decided that he rather enjoyed having an entire tribe wait on him hand and foot.

Yet sometimes, he felt like it wasn’t enough. Like he wanted to rule more than a chunk of the rain forest. But his self-proclaimed subjects simply wouldn’t let him leave, no matter how many clever ploys he tried. So, he resigned himself to living in the rain forest and being addressed as “Cucaraja” ...until one day.

Which happened to be the very same day that Amarikah and Pennomi were reunited with their respective fan clubs.

Without warning-

A red sedan barreled its way into the village in the rain forest and screeched to a halt right in front of where “Cucaraja” was being hand-fed honey-dipped beetles. (Never mind that the natives couldn’t see if he had a mouth, much less where it would be if he had one. He simply adjusted the location of his head to compensate for the trajectory of the food.)

The sunroof of the car opened and a woman wearing a green-and-white outfit with pink gloves and boots got out and stood on the top of the car. She had a small stuffed polar bear on her shoulder, and looked quite serious.

“CHEESE!” She shouted at the Cucaraja while pointing threateningly. “I, Chairwoman Del, demand that you hand over Amarikah at once!”

At the sound of his name, Cheese snapped out of his relaxed position and stood up, scattering both villagers and honey-dipped beetles.

“Hey! That’s me!” he declared, his memory coming back to him.

“Of course it is, you… whatever-you-are! Now hand over Amarikah before I destroy you!”

“I haven’t got her.” Cheese said simply.

“What? I spend eight years tracking you down, and you don’t have her? What a-”

“It’s been eight years?” Cheese interrupted.

“-bunch of- ...wait, what? Yes, of course it’s been eight years! How could you not-”

“No calendar.” Cheese replied, shrugging and holding his hands out palms up. “But YOU don’t look eight years older.”

“No, of course not. Runs in the family. What’s YOUR excuse?”

“Void of existence.” Cheese said simply.

“Of course. Well, no matter! I, Chairwoman Del, shall destroy-”

“Chairwoman?” Cheese interrupted again. “I thought you were Amarikah’s semi-unofficial advisor?”

“Not anymore! I wanted to be a dictator in my own right, but without the risk of revolutions. Therefore, I formed a Secret Council--Of which I am Chairwoman--which took control of most of the behind-the-scenes organizations of the world. But since all my councilmen adore me, I’m the de facto dictator of the group.”

“You’ve done nothing but study dictatorship for the last eight years?”

“No... I was primarily hunting you down, but there’s very little money in the revenge business, so I became Chairwoman to pay the bills. But now that I’ve found you...” Del (still standing on the roof of the car) struck a pose and looked like she was about to cast some sort of spell. “Hello. My name is Chairwoman Del. You kidnapped my sister. Prepare to die.”

Without warning-

A flock of drag queens burst into the village, following the track made by the red sedan through the rain forest. Upon seeing their beloved Cheese, they rejoiced.

“Argh!” Del gasped and began hacking in disgust. After a few coughs, she sputtered: “Councilmen! Attaaaack!”

Whereupon the doors of the sedan opened and an improbably large number of average-looking guys piled out of the car and started throwing crisp new 3x5 note cards at the drag queens and spouting off grammar rules. The drag queens were only momentarily thrown into confusion by this attack, then they quickly rallied and began fighting back while also trying to extract Cheese from the situation. The Cucaraja’s villagers, understanding that Del and her minions were attacking Cheese, began fighting the Council alongside the drag queens… until they noticed that the drag queens were trying to remove their one and only Cucaraja. Soon all three groups were attacking each other, and chaos reigned.

Paper cuts abounded.

Del still stood on the car, looking down into the confusion. “Hello Central!” she called loudly. “Where’s. My. Polaaaar beaaaar?”

Without warning-

Far away, a cell phone sitting on a desk seizured. The desk was deep in the heart of a bunker in an undisclosed location somewhere in Europe. A hand that had been petting a cat reached out to answer the phone.

“Yesh?” A mysterious voice said into the phone.

The cat looked up with one good eye and stood up, walking in a circle and tapping the desk it was on with a peg leg. It sniffed at the phone as a crackly voice replied. Obviously, someone was calling from a remote location with poor reception.

“Exshellent. Bring zha polar behr to ush.” And the cell phone was snapped shut.

Once again, the hand reached out to scratch the cat above its eye patch.

“Purr. Purr.” the cat said. They were the only words he knew.

“Yesh…” the voice chuckled in response, “Now allh we need ish shomeshing from eash uff Zha Shrolvic, Ahmahrikah, anhd Penomhi… anhd our plansh will be compleehst! AH-Ha-ha! Ha. haha. ahem.”

When The Srolvic found out everyone was going eight years into the future he flat out refused, muttering to himself, "The past is fine for me." Berlin was his location and being a Deku Scrub with red hair and the fake mustache, glasses, and nose helped. The fan girls had long since vanished amid the downpour in this European city.

The moment had come. He stood at the grave of his long dead ancestors Father Osiris Cossack. A strong individual stood behind him, havin offered advice and comfort through all of this bizarrely somber moment. The grave sight of Father Osiris Cossack was strange to behold.

"Wait, who are you?" demanded The Srolvic in an annoyed tone towards the person standing next to him.

"Me? I'm jusht shomeone that wantsh to help you, Shrolvic," responded the strange individual.

"Funny, I imagined you as having a cat," The Srolvic responded. "And I'm THE Srovlic not Srolvic. Jeez, it's not a name, but a title."

"I can shay Shrolvic if I wantsh to," the mysterious man said. The Srolvic shrugged in indifference.

"So, what did you want, bucko?" demanded The Srolvic.

"Jusht shomething you have," the mysterious man responded.

"Sorry, sold it," The Srolvic responded.

"Oh, I doubtsh it."

"And that's my problem how?" asked The Srolvic, while searching around the base of the grave for something. "Granpappy was always delusional...he must have...ah! There!"

"You foundsh it?"

"Uh...no. I discovered that I have some candy wrappers to hawk on some market. Of course, you idiot! Jeez, I'm a freakin' Deku Scrub, I know waht I'm searching for!"

"Wait, aren't you The Shrolvic?"

"No, I'm Cheese. The Shrolvic," The Srolvic said immitating the man, "would be in Guatemala wearing a loin cloth and laughing hysterically. So sorry, chap."

"Hmsh, my apologiesh, shir," the man said, clearly perplexed. He wondered off in befuddlement.

The Srolvic muttered words that were edited for content and pressed a button on the grave. He took off the Deku Scrub mask and replaced it with a Gerudo mask. Suddenly he discovered being a red head with an abnormally shaped body and thick lips was very odd. Plus, he had the sudden urge to kill men in a G rated way. The grave opened and revealed a stairway.

The Srolvic found this mildly irritating but patted Cheese's wallet and smiled to himself as revenge cirlced through his thoughts. It had been a while since he had charged something on Cheese's account.

The Srovlic descended the damp stairs only to discover a silly old man sitting in a comfy recliner playing Zelda: Twilight Princess.

He cackled as he managed to defeat the wretched dragon of the city in the sky. "Uh, is Father Osiris Cossack here?" asked The Srolvic.

"No, he's passed out in some hotel room. He mentioned being hunted down by some terrifying butterfly. The man's lost it over the years," the man replied.

"Uh, who are you?" The Srolvic asked in confusion.

"Well, my busty young woman, I am President Erch, former U.S. president," replied the odd old man. The Srolvic had the strange feeling that he was talking to himself but then that was replaced by the sudden urge to start twirling around with his long hair and curved swords. He laughed maniacally to himself.

"Well," The Srolvic told the odd old man, "I'll be going to visit him."

"Fine. Just tell him that he gets Canada. Celso will appreciate that," sniggered the old man, "I still wanted the sophomore dude to be Russia as well. Yeah, tell him that. Ha ha! Oh, and let him know we're out of jam." The Srolvic nodded and left.

Outside a flock of cuckoos flew past. The Srolvic quickly made it, as if by instinct, to the hotel that Father Osiris Cossack lay asleep on the bed. The Srolvic changed back to his original self. Before doing that he bolted the windows and door as well as the bathroom door. He knew that he had only minutes before the barriers would be overtaken by the rabid fan girls.

"Cossack, up!" shouted The Srolvic.

"Gurrgh? Heffn, what?" said Father Osiris Cossack in confusion. He blinked as he looked at a ten-year-old boy with blonde hair and almost had the urge to mutter something about not wanting to leave Washington. "What do you want?" demanded the old man.

"You have something, moron! Why else do you think I would be here? To chat? By-the-way, the butterfly has your address," The Srolvic said with a smirk.

Father Osiris Cossack's eyes went wide with horror. "No, he's going to sing! You've gotta hide me, kid!"

"Sure, if you give me what I want," replied The Srolvic with a smile and was tempted to ask the strange man a cookie.

"Anything," replied Father Osiris Cossack.

"I seek to make my dreams real," The Srolvic said in a dramatic tone and smirked at the catchy words he had used.

"Go do drugs," muttered Father Osiris Cossack. The Srolvic wanted to mutter that he thought Cossack had already beat him to this but refrained from doing so.

"No, you have it. How else were you able to conquer the world against Amaretsu?" The Srolvic replied.

"Paper, pen, and nothing else to do in class," replied Father Cossack Osiris.

"But you conquered the world!"

"And? People conquer the world every day in Risk. You wanna conquer the world, go do that. No bugger off," replied Father Osiris Cossack.

"Come on, Cossack, I have the masks from Majora's Mask. They're real! I can make anyone do whatever I want. They're real! Heck, I've got fan girls that bend reality!"

"Well, where are they?" asked Father Osiris Cossack.

"They should've been here by now," replied The Srolvic, scratching his forehead in puzzlement. They should have been breaking down the door the moment he took off his disguise. It was unusual.

"Kid, take a look around you. The only thing that I'm afraid of is a cartoon butterfly. It's not real as scary as the thing is. You want the power that I've got then here take it. I call it the Reality Cube. It unbends time and space back into boring reality. No magic, no space/time bending fan girls. No swords that transport you through time."

"Uh, do I look like I have one?" replied The Srolvic.

"Uhm, sorry. Must have been something I ate," replied Father Osiris Cossack. "Anyway, that's the only power I have. You want it, then take it." He handed The Srolvic the Cube, a rather boring box that had the faint smell of an office cubical and made The Srolvic want to complain about how nothing exciting ever happened for him.

"What about the Reality Bender?"

"The Wii?" replied Father Osiris Cossack as he walked over to the sliding glass door.

"That was it! That retarded old man had the (edited for content) thing!"

"Well of - wha, where'd he go? Hm, strange kid. Needs to cut down on the sugar cereals. Too hyper," muttered Father Osiris Cossack in boredom and then, realizing that he was alone shut the sliding glass door. The (edited for content) butterfly was somewhere nearby. It was always somewhere nearby. He pulled out a fine piece of cloth and unfolded it until it was a door.

"I'd like to go to a New Zealand that has magic that I can control and use, please," Father Osiris Cossack said in a pleasant tone. The door obliged him kindly. "Stupid kid." Father Osiris Cossack almost had the urge of muttering 'so long and thanks for all the fish while dance-swimming with dolphins.

The Srolvic once again met up with the old man named President Erch (oddly enough, he wanted to call him PErch). "What is it, punk," demanded the old man. In honor of Pennomi, The Srolvic simply stole the Wii and ran off. Now he had both sides of power and disappeared. The nice part was that the Reality Cube kept the fan girls away from him but dampened his powers.

He slipped on his disguise and turned on the Wii and turned off the Cube and disappeared as girls suddenly appeared everywhere. Now, to meet his blackmailer.

Kay

Amarikah turned pale and turned away--not for any specific reason dealing with a former club-mate. Something was seriously off. Because of all of the things she had learned in pursuing the magical arts, her body had become more and more intransient over time, keeping her from aging while jumping in time, making her body hard to alter. Yet she felt sick. She hadn't felt sick in years. Why was she now?

The realization hit her. "Magical migraine." She muttered. Her senses became blurred, and rearranged themselves. She could smell the marble that she touched, reminding her of somewhere in between the smell of autumn and vanilla. Sound became light, and she immediately screwed her eyes shut as words became strobe lights. Light became sound, and orchestrations of the strangest melodies arose. She attempted to cast some sort of healing magic on herself, but the presence that arrived was obvious even to her senses.

A slit of non-existence formed in the Master Sword's chamber, and out stepped a figure arrayed in the most elaborate get-up that Amarikah could have imagined. She was identical to Amarikah herself in every way except that she was thinner, paler, taller, thirty-five years old, and did not wear glasses.

"You broke the sacred law!" The woman proclaimed in a voice that echoed from the walls and not her own voice. "You defile my name, girl!" Her voice was slightly drowned out by the continued cheers of the girls, and Amarikah finally shouted, still wishing that this migraine hadn't forced her to be blind, "Oh my edited for content, shut up!"

"Your name is a golden bell in my heart!" A blue creature announced as he flew in uninvited and needless to say, unwanted.
Pennomi then lifted the severely off-balance weapon (honestly, where is the pommel on that thing?) and then decapitated the sickening insect with a quick snack of his new blade.

The new woman's eyes glowed, and she looked over at Pennomi. "You dare murder in my presence?"
Kensington then walked in, giggling. "Of course he does, he's the current Hero of Time!" He rapped his bare knuckles against the marble walls, and then let loose pealing laughter. With his other hand, he took a long drag out of an empty glass bottle. "I suppose that won't help the situation any."

Ameratsu hissed between her teeth at Kensington, Amarikah, and Pennomi all together. "You've all broken the rules, yet Amarikah has committed the greatest sin. Come."

Amarikah attempted to struggle. "No, I could fight you any day of the week--"

Ameratsu only had to smile in order to let literally thousands of magical fields appear in the relatively small room.
As Amarikah tried summoning her powers, a very clear sound of failure could be heard from one of the invisible monks. It was one of those general noises from sound libraries, of something going thhppbtt or something squishy getting smashed. For all anyone knew, the invisible monk could have just ripped one, but who would have known? The sound fit perfectly, nonetheless.
"You were saying?" Ameratsu laughed, her headdress shining from the light pouring in the one window in the chamber. "I'm a goddess of this world. I make sure that pranks like what you just pulled don't happen. The entire world jumps ahead eight years--what do you think is going to happen? Time continuity issues, doubles of the same people, people completely missing, it's a disaster! Do you want to get in between me and my duty to the gods? It's time Amarikah, we--"

Pennomi then called out, waving his hand, "Uh, your gods demand that her life belongs to me now!"

Ameratsu paused for a moment while mentally ingesting what he just said. Her demeanor changed entirely, and she pointed at him. "All right, you just came pretty close to matching what she just did. You do that again, and that sword and that girl that was clinging to you are gone."

"How dare you insult Star Wars!"

"How dare you say 'her' instead of 'him!' There's the logistics of proper grammar considering her gender, but that pollutes the line itself! Quoting a movie comes before proper grammar!"

Kensington, in his E-10-rated drunken state called out, "Hey! How dare I be out of wine!"

Amarikah just whimpered, shaking her head.

Suddenly, another pod of whales appeared, thanks to her shaking her head. At this, Ameratsu grabbed Amarikah, and they were gone.

Kensington laughed again when he saw both Mounties and cheerleaders getting squashed by the whales, and then walked over to the understandably shaken Pennomi and Amira. "Do you know your question, let alone your answer...heehee, do you want to know, do you care to know? Your little magic friend is gone, hero of time. Ameratsu's going to punish her bad for all of this. Maybe she'll lock her up in the Reality Cube, oh, heeheehee, no one wants that. Especially not a little wizard-ling brat like herself. You had better go visit your bosses, Rauru is the one of the few alive that might know of Ameratsu's whereabouts."

"And just why--" Pennomi started, quickly silenced by an outburst from Kensington.

"You're never going to defeat Japan without a bumbling leader attempting to defend it, especially with her one-ship fleet against your billions of rubber tubes with RPGs. Besides, you think the weapon in your hand is the ultimate one? Little Amarikah's magic signature is a map to it. Are you sure you want to miss out on that opportunity?"

"Er... just how do you know all this?" Pennomi inquired.

"When you're a drunk talking skeleton, you know things. Plus, I read the Script beforehand." Kensington started laughing hysterically.

"Hmmm... where can I get a copy of this 'Script'?" asked Pennomi furtively.

Kensington just laughed. He began laughing so hard that the lampshade fell off his head. Something was written on the inside of the lampshade... no doubt it was the Script!

Pennomi jumped forward and snatched the lampshade away. Kensington stopped laughing and his eyes started glowing red. Pennomi ran. (He has lots of practice escaping).

He found a quiet place and began to read. Wow! It said: "He found a quiet place and began to read. Wow! It said: 'He found a quiet place and began to read. Wow! It said: "He..."'" ...Pennomi slapped himself and skipped that part.

"Aha!" he exclaimed! The Script had stage directions... and Ameratsu had taken Amarikah - exit, stage left. Pennomi exited - stage left.

The mounties, the cheerleaders and Kensington all looked at each other, not knowing what to do. After a brief musical reprise, one of the cheerleaders cheered "Let's follow him!" They all stampeded off stage. The curtains closed and the audience applauded.

When the curtains opened again, the setting had changed to the dungeon where Ameratsu had taken Amarikah. "Amarikah, tell me Pennomi-Wan told you about your future self." Ameratsu asked.

"He told me enough! He told me you killed her!"

"No, Amarikah, I AM your future."

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Amarikah yelled with all the fury she could muster. Then more quietly, she added, "Um, does that mean I get to be a goddess?"

"Yeah, pretty cool, eh?"

"Sure... but, uh, why did you just break your own rule and misquote Star Wars?"

"Oh, I just made that up to get him to shut up."

"Sounds like something I would do..." Amarikah noted. "Um... you're not still going to punish me, are you?"

"I'm sorry, Amarikah, but I'm going to have to..." Amarikah winced. "...teach you how to control your magic better. Here's a PlayStation and TOA. Start playing as Natalia!"

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Amarikah screamed again.

Meanwhile, Pennomi at the wheel of a (brand new) Chinese Assault School Bus filled with the cheerleaders, mounties and Kensington, who had calmed down considerably since Pennomi gave him an empty bottle of wine. Penn was reading the Script, trying to figure out if he should've taken that left turn at Albuquerque...

"Just pull over and ask for directions!" cried Mira.

"No! I have the Script! I don't need to ask for directions!" Pennomi said, once again.

"What is it with men and asking for directions?" she quipped in a quite stereotypical cliché.

They pulled up in front of a large castle. The sky suddenly turned dark and cloudy, and lightning streaked across the sky. "Oh, isn't this weather lovely?" Kensington asked. He took another swig from the bottle.

Pennomi stepped outside and the rain splashed on his (brand-new) armor. He and Mira walked up to the door and knocked. When it opened, they recoiled in surprise! It was The Future Srolvic!

Without warning, a biker wearing a postman’s cap drove up on a spiffy chopper decorated in the Brazilian national colors.

“Here.” the bearded biker said to Kensington in a strangely falsetto voice, and passed the skeleton a postcard before driving off as suddenly as he’d arrived.

The postcard was grimy and weather-beaten. The front side sported a picture of Monkeydude waving at the camera, wearing a shirt that had the following words printed on it:
“I Love the Cheese.”

Flipping it over, Kensington remarked: “This side has birds on it.”

Pennomi, Mira, and The Future Srolvic all looked over Kensington’s shoulder to see. Sure enough, the back was lightly printed in a pattern of various species of birds. Over that, someone had scribbled the following:

“Dear Kensington, our estranged leader: Please come back to us, WE HAVE FOUND CHEESE!!!! Come and rejoice with us this evening at a banquet in his honor…” There followed an address in Europe and a note that Kensington was welcome to bring along anyone who was a potential initiate to DQFoC: Drag Queen Fans of Cheese. Suggested attire for the anti-formal affair was, of course, drag.

Meanwhile, elsewhere in Europe:

A tall, strangely-short-furred person wearing a trench coat, dark glasses, and black fedora stepped--er, leaped--down from the steps of a private jet, taking the entire short staircase all in one bound. He held both black-gloved… er, hands… in front of him, grasping the handle of a small briefcase. More of his similarly-attired associates bounded up to him from a black limo that was waiting.

Nodding to each other, they agreed that everything was going according to plan and got into the limo. Little did they notice that a large goose had meanwhile taxied in to park itself next to the plane. As soon as the limo was on its way, the goose took off again in pursuit.

Without warning,

A red sedan peeled out of a nearby hangar, then abruptly slowed down significantly.

Inside the car, Del was addressing an improbably large quantity of back-seat drivers.
“Yeah, okay, I slowed down! Nahn, it’s not like I’ve had to stalk anyone before! I’m used to following relatives who speed on road trips, not strangly-shaped operatives who drive the legal limit! Wait, what IS the legal limit here? Where ARE we, anyway?”

“I don’t know,” one of the councilmen said, “but I hope the natives don’t catch up.”

Another councilman added: “Yeah, we saw them buying plane tickets back in Brazil while you were packing the car into your carryon.”

“Good thing Christine came with the diminification option.” a third guy said.

“Enough!” Del insisted. “I need to plan a way to get Hello Central back. Let me concentrate!”

“With any luck--” a fourth guy started, but was silenced by a glare from Del.

“They’ll have bought the wrong tickets and end up somewhere else.” a fifth guy finished, not having noticed the Chairwoman’s glare.

“At any rate, I’m glad we got out of that G-rated carnage back in the rain forest.” a sixth remarked.

“ENOUGH!” Chairwoman Del yelled, reaching under the cooler full of travel snacks she kept within easy reach on the front passenger seat in the event of a road trip. Pulling out a stack of papers, she tossed them over her shoulder and into the back of the car.

“Proofread that manuscript for me, will ya?” she asked irritably.

“Yes, Chairwoman!” the councilmen said in unison. Whereupon they quietly fell to attacking the manuscript. Quietly except for the scribbling of ball-point pens.

Dell rolled her eyes and focused on following the limo, while trying to hatch a plan to extricate her car’s beloved dashboard mascot from the clutches of the operatives of an unknown evil.

Suddenly.

One of the fan girls lifted her nose and sniffed the air. She was dressed in fatigues and had her face painted forest colors. She motioned to another fan girl to move forward. She smelled The Srolvic. The second fan girl grunted something to the first but the first only snorted in response.

They approached an empty street, having sensed the presence of The Srolvic and were keen to find him before he disappeared again. This was strange. How was it possible to get off their psychic-connection? The object of their obsession was an odd one.

They moved swiftly through a park in Berlin and slipped into a nearby hotel of lovely architecture.

Suddenly.

"Hold it ladies!" called out the front desk woman at the hotel.

The girls, puzzled that someone had actually stopped them turned to look at her. One of the fan girls grunted incomrehensibly to the other.

"Yes, come right this way, commandos!" called the front desk woman. The women approached the desk, grunting quizzically at everything. One picked up a complimentary mint jar.

"Care for a mint?" asked the woman.

"Hrrg!" replied a girl and within less then a second the mints were going and several of the fan girls were content.

"What brings you here?" asked the woman.

"The Srolvic," uttered a fan girl with clear obsession in her eyes. Foam started appearing on her lips and some of the other fan girls hooted in joy.

"Well, I can't just let you go up there at any old time. State your business for seeing him."

"We want to love him."

"Nice. How many of you are there?"

One of them grunted as she counted. Some of the girls started to stand up straight and wiped off the paint to apply more pleasing make up. Suddenly the fan girls were in BYU approved outfits complete with handbag and shallow expressions on their faces.

"14 at the moment, infinite at any time," replied the girl sweetly.

"All right. Sign here. Would you like a key?" asked the woman, not noticing the changes in the fan girls.

"Yes, please."

"Here you go, girls. Have fun! Remember, no one of the opposite sex may be in the room past midnight! Don't make me have to sing 'That's Against the Honor Code.'"

"Thank you." The fan girls said and giggled before running off to the elevator.

"How come we can't just magically appear near him?" asked one of the girls in confusion. "Why are we no longer in our commando outfits?"

"Someone's messed with reality. We're normal again. But it won't ruin our love for The Srolvic!" The girls cheered at this.

There was a ripple across time and space.

Suddenly.

The fan girls were dressed in commando gear and were grunting as they approached the door of to the room of The Srolvic.

Far away the drag queens rejoiced. "Noooo!!!! Cut!!!! I WANT G RATED CONTENT NOT THIS-THIS STUFF!" shouted a director. The drag queens rejoiced again.

Suddenly.

The fan girls walked along respectfully in BYU approved clothing but one of the girls still retained her commando make up.

"Do we knock?" asked one of the girls.

Suddenly.

The Srolvic was relaxing for the first time in a long time by his bed in the hotel room. He had tried to reach his blackmailer. But it had all been for not...for the moment. He believed he was safe listening to the them song of Jaws playing in the background.

Suddenly.

Fan girls burst into the room cheering and sobbing. They had found the object of their obsession. The Srolvic suddenly screamed like a girl in surprise. Fan girls were pouring through the window, bathroom, front door, closet, out from under the bed, and even from under pieces of furniture. Several were, yet again for no good reason, posting up pictures of The Srolvic with the printing "Missing" on top. The girls were also, magically, wearing T-shirts that portrayed The Srolvic in all sorts of different disguises. One was of The Srolvic in full-bearded drag queen get up. The site was horrifying.

The fan girls immediately were all talking and sobbing and gathering on the bed, floor, and some on chairs. All were attempting to find The Srolvic...wait...where'd The Srolvic go?

Suddenly.

Thankfully to his trusty supply of sheets tied together, The Srolvic was able to successfully make it down the side of the hotel until he reached the bottom from his 12th story room. Up above girls were jumping out the windows...all of them in the hotel. Girls were pouring out of sewers, doors, from behind treers, under benches, and one even stepped out from behind a 1 inch tall, slender tree.

Suddenly.

The cows moo'd in rejoicing. Cows were on their way from all continents of the world to the headquarters of CIDY in Port-au-Prince, Haiti. Alas, there was not enough room for the Haitians and cows so...Haiti was renamed Territory of Cows, by order of CIDY, and enjoyed this status under the auspices of the U.S. government.

Suddenly.

"No! No! This can't be! How do you know it's me!" demanded The Srolvic.

"We, uh, we...how did we know it was him?" demanded one of the girls.

"I told them!" shouted a voice that brought the need for instant revenge from inside The Srolvic. Out of the ranks of rabid fan girls stepped Cheese.

"How the-I thought you were at a party!" replied The Srolvic in confusion.

"Nevermind that! I have you at last, boy! You can't escape me and now I will have what I want and you will be forever with your fan girls!" he replied.

"Noooo!!!! Never! I'll never join them!"

"It's too la- oh forget it. Hand over the Tri-Crystals!" demanded Cheese.

"Uh...you are so 8th grade, dude," replied The Srolvic.

"Hand them over, or I tell the fan girls where your hometown is!"

"Noooo!!!! Wait...I'll tell you. Let me-let me first give you THIS!" The Srolvic replied and suddenly Cheese was holding a rather odd shaped pot with a dying flower in it. The flower looked rather forlorn.

"What am I supposed to do with this?"

"Nothing! Now, behold, Cheese, the might of-a screw it. Yo, why are you staring at me, The Srolvic?"

"Uh, I'm Cheese," replied Cheese.

"Don't be daft, I'm Cheese. You're The Srolvic."

"I'm...The...Srolvic? Yes, yes, of course I am. But that would mean...oh no!" Cheese - er, The Srolvic - took off running as the rabid fan girls, numbering nigh unto infinite, took off after him sobbing, putting up posters of The Srolvic on walls, and chasing after the object of their affection.

"Crystals?" The Srolvic said to himself. "Bah, only Father Osiris Cossack has that ability."

The Srolvic put on a mask at random and quickly left the square before the rabid fan girls discovered their folly.

Kay

Amarikah was foaming at the mouth, to the amusement of Ameratsu. With a smile that belonged to Kuan Yin, the goddess walked out of the room for a moment.

"Gonna make you go live with Van down by the river," Amarikah muttered as there was a cutscene with Natalia where (censored in fear of the almighty Namco Bandai). "Gon' kill all y'all dead filthy, 'specially that little blonde psycho."
She put down her controller, and breathed, wiping away the unsightly saliva on her face. She then lifted a hand, and casted. "O everlasting fire of life, dwell here! Revive!"

A feather then floated above her head. Catching the wispy thing, Amarikah thought aloud, "Well, there's only one way to make sure this thing works properly."
She noticed the convenient window, and opened it up. Having her eyes closed, she laughed, talking to herself, "Dude, I've always wanted to know what it was like to fly--"

She felt a finger poke her in the forehead, and she opened her eyes to find Ameratsu standing in mid-air, stopping her younger self. There was only a white existence outside of the window, and the goddess smiled. "Nice try."

"I was, uh, practicing." Amarikah insisted through a smile. Ameratsu smiled back, and handed her younger self the controller of a Gamecube. "Play the Sonic Battle Arena game or whatever it's called. There's the Chaos Emerald abilities you need to learn."

Amarikah then started singing the Urban City theme with glee as she sent her character careening down a street on a longboard, collecting rings.
Ameratsu sighed, and looked out a different window. Amarikah still had to bind and then unbind herself to a demon, although she had been quite close to doing so in the past, it hadn't happened. There was also the fact that there were too many doors into this place. "Cha'ie'rai!" (Blink!) She then teleported herself into the room in which Kensington, Pennomi, Amira, Del, and others resided. She bowed before walking out the room's door that would lead to the inner chambers of her lair. A small metal disc near the top of the door changed from its purple marking to a black marking, and then from the walls came another cast. "Jai'Ero Tokai!" (Fist of Vengeance!)

A sudden chorus of monks then sang, "Gloria!" as a stone fist fell from the ceiling upon the group. Although it was albeit narrowly avoided, the monks still sang, "Pie Jesu Domine, Dona Eis Requiem." The sound of wood against foreheads was clear in between the breaks of the requiem.

Pennomi merely raised his eyebrows. Typical. Of course Amarikah's future self would be even more paranoid than her somewhat present self. Snapping his fingers, he sent Amira and her teams to break open the door, only to find a wall. "Blast..."

Kensington started laughing again. "Forget the drag queens, I know how to find that goddess!"
"How so?" Del asked, noticing that the skeleton was now stumbling toward another door that had suddenly been rid of its iron bars. How it had iron bars in the first place would have been the real question, but Kensington thought otherwise. "Ameratsu has a store of wine for practicing turning wine to water. I know where it might be."

"Can we know the story behind that?" Pennomi inquired hopefully, fingering the Master Sword's hilt just in case the drunkard skeleton refused to talk.

"Eh...I would say call me tomorrow, but I have a feeling that I've run out again." Kensington answered, upending his wine bottle. Pennomi resisted the urge to smash the bottle upside the skeleton's skull, and merely sighed. "Lead the way."

"The Script!" Kensington laughed, upending his hat and reading the inside. "Into the shrubbery!"

Kurisu was still waiting.

"Welcome to Ameratsu's Lair." said The Future Srolvic. "We're currently hosting a 'We Love the Cheese' party, and if you love Cheese, you should come on in."

"Wait for me!" cried Chairwoman Del. She had just arrived, and noting that the short-furred, trench coat-wearing henchmen had parked in the garage, she was determined to go inside. Her quite average-looking fan club followed her to the doorstep.

Pennomi looked at Mira and whispered, "This whole 'broken reality' thing is starting to bug me... as soon as I save Amarikah, I'm gonna kill her for doing this."

They got the cheerleaders, mounties and Kensington and walked into the castle. There were drag queens rejoicing everywhere. Some of them were even singing. Pennomi's stomach was beginning to feel like it wouldn't keep his lunch.

"Er... Mr. Future Srolvic? May we please go to the dungeon to save our friend?" asked Amira.

"The Chosen One" (he made a sign quite like crossing himself, except he dusted off his shoulder instead) "would not like that. I can do nothing that the Chosen One" (another sign) "wouldn't like."

Pennomi looked at the others quizzically. "Er... who's the chosen one?"

"Capitalize your C's and O's and do the quasi-cross, or you will feel the wrath of the Chosen One!" growled The Future Srolvic. "I figured that since you dropped out of existence for eight years you'd be clueless... but not his clueless!"

Jen interrupted, "The Chosen One" (she made the gesture) "is the blessed Leader of our world. He conquered the world (except Uruguay) with his army of penguins, defeating even the bovines."

"Hey, those bovines fought bravely!" The Future Srolvic interjected. "And anyway, my fight earned me my position as Backup Dictator. Right now, the Chosen One" (he did another quasi-cross) "is on vacation in Greenland, so I'm in charge."

"Uh huh. I'm definitely gonna kill Amarikah for this one." Pennomi muttered.

Just then, Ameratsu popped in to the room and walked out the door, triggering some magic which they all avoided. They tried following her through the door, and even after blowing it up (with two bazooka blasts... the first one missed) there was nothing there, just a solid wall.

Kensington offered to help them find Ameratsu by reading from the Script (which Pennomi stole back again), and they were just about to go to the shrubbery when suddenly some invisible monks stole Pennomi's Master Sword and The Future Srolvic's shadow crystal (1/3 of the legendary tri-crystal). Then they heard a voice.

"Yesh, now we have Penomhi's shword and Zha Shrolvic's cryshtal ash well ash Chairwomhan Del's behr. With Ahmahrikah shinking dat da mohnks ahre on her shide, it will be eashy to ghet shomeshing from her..."

Then, more sinister than that, they heard one word repeated twice... "Purr, purr."

“Oh. My. Trampoline-Gate!” Del exclaimed. “That Lishp has my Hello Central!”
Snapping open her call phone, she pressed a speed-dial number and closed the phone again.

A few moments later, an improbably large number of average-looking guys arrived on the scene. No one had noticed that they had wandered off for a few minutes as soon as they’d all entered the building.

“Chairwoman!” One of them said. “We found where the kangaroos had got to, but they didn’t have the briefcase anymore!”

“But we have these!” another added, holding up a dark trench coat, fedora, gloves, and very dark glasses.

Grinning, several others followed suit.

“For kangaroos, you’d think they’d have put up more of a fight.” one particularly-average-looking guy commented.

“Yeah, go figure.” said another.

“Right.” Chairwoman Del said, taking a set of dark accessories from one of her minions and addressing the other individually-named characters. “Let’s put these on and head for the shortcut through the shrubbery! Hopefully we can get to Amarikah before the monks steal something from her, then we can follow them back to the Lishp and get our other things back!”

Meeting blank stares all around, she added: “Of course we’ll also rescue Amarikah while we’re at it!”

Seeing everyone nod in understanding (if not necessarily in agreement), Del started to offer dark accessories to the others.

Without warning-

The Future Srolvic held up a hand.
“Wait. I sense a disturbance in the plot.”

Pennomi turned around quickly (guided by Tavi, who decided to point out something helpful for once) and noticed that the Director had stopped filming the drag queens and had zoomed in on them with a super eight. “A spy! We can’t let him film our plans!”

Kensington threw his empty wine bottle at the Director, knocking the camera out of his hands.

Meanwhile, Del had speedily downed a blue-colored piece of candy. Quickly assuming a casting stance, she shot a bubble at the Director which effectively trapped him--for the moment.

“Get him before he can break out!” she ordered, and her council ran to comply. “Oh, and get the camera!”

The councilmen, however, were abruptly halted by the appearance of a tribe of rain forest natives, who had just arrived and got in the way while attempting to attack the drag queens for having taken their Cucaraja away from them.

Suddenly.

The drag queens rejoiced.

Suddenly.

It was no longer raining in Berlin. The Reality Cube and Reality Bender remained close by The Srolvic at all times. He had recently been attacked by strange looking kangaroos. The only reason he had escaped them, though, was because one of them unfortunately had removed The Srolvic's disguise. The result had been a vast amount of fan girls trampling the kangaroos in an effort to get to their leader.

Thankfully, given that this story is G-rated, no one was permenantly killed. The Srolvic had managed to get away. But, alas, it was getting frustrating as to why he kept on being discovered.

What was happening? It had been quite some time since he had last seen the others that were competing for control of the world.

His cell phone beeped. He whipped out the phone and answered.

"This is CIDY. Something rather unfortunate occured, sir."

"What?"

"Upon receiving all the bovines of the world, we ran into a pair of sadly beaten bovines in Uruguay. They reported that our armies had already been defeated, which I assure you has not happened yet. But there is a bovine resistance in Uruguay against the forces of the penguins. Sir, are you hiding something from me?"

"Not that I know of at the moment. Give me a second. Maybe I have," The Srolvic replied. He thought about this for a moment.

Meanwhile CIDY sang quietly to herself, "Look, Mom: Chuck is licking me. Look, Mom: Chuck is licking me. Look, Mom: Chuck is licking me. And his eyes are in the glass." Realizing what she had sung, she immediately said, "Drat!" Whereupon nearby drag queens not associated with Cheese rejoiced (they were not in beard mode, thankfully) because they thought she had said "drag" and not "drat."

"Sorry, CIDY, I don't think I've kept anything form you. Will you be joining the rebellion?" he asked.

"Yes, but I had to deal with something rather surprising," she said vaguely.

"What? Were there penguins there?"

"No. Myself."

"Oh, well, that's nice. I would imagine that Uruguay has mirrors down there. Don't be alarmed, they don't hurt."

"No, you twit. I met another Me!"

"Is she, er - you, er - yourself...is she on our side?"

"Yes, sir. We have combined our armies. We are awaiting your command, sir," she replied.

"Uh...stay in Uruguay. Eventually you will invade Malta and successfully control...anyway, stay there for the moment and hold the country at all costs...unless someone bides higher then you want to go. Then sell Uruguay and take Haiti back. We must regain our country once more!"

"Sure, sir. Whatever floats your - nevermind. CIDY out."

"What?" The Srolvic asked. There was interference on the phone.

"I said CIDY out!"

"What?"

"Oh nevermind," she answered and hung up.

"CIDY? CIDY? Are you there? Curse this interference!" The Srolvic said and hung up. He turned around in frustration and found himself staring at a drag queen, in full beard mode, looking at him and literally screamed like a girl.

"Oh, St. Mary of Chinese fries from Norway on a dill pickle sandwich!" he swore in surprise.

"I have come to reveal a secret to you," said the drag queen in a falsetto voice.

"Uh...why? I've been doing fine on my own so far. Why would I need a drag queen's advice? You got money? I'll take my chances on my own," The Srolvic replied to the drag queen.

"Don't you want to know why your disguise no longer works?" said the drag queen once more.

That caught The Srolvic's attention immediately. He had been wondering. He was starting to fear that either the fan girls were getting too smart or he was tripping up. "Go on," replied The Srolvic.

"Time's been messed up. There are now two of you in existence," explained the drag queen.

"Ok..." replied The Srolvic, not fully comprehending. He idly contemplated running away. That was always a good action to take. The Srolvic, tragically, chose to stay.

"Your future self doesn't use disguises anymore. The two of you are one and the same. So when he doesn't go in disguise: you can be traced. The fan girls are tracking him through you. Duh!" the drag queen rejoiced. The Srolvic threw up in the nearest available place: the drag queen's blouse. Needless to say, the drag queen was not happy.

"Great, so what do I do?" asked The Srolvic.

"Ha, I'm just here to cheer and tell you that. This insanity is by choice." The drag queen left rejoicing.

"Memo to self: never talk to a drag queen, again," The Srolvic muttered to himself.

Suddenly.

A woman dressed in a military uniform with a monocle and a fake mustache stood in front of The Srolvic. Once again he screamed. "Ye gods, it's another drag queen!" He suddenly had the urge to watch Music Man but ignored it. "I don't have any cash!"

"No, idiot," replied the strange woman. "I am your blackmailer!" She laughed at this while muttering random German phrases like "I want butter on my cereal" or "I have a monkey in my pant leg."

"What do you want, fiend!" replied The Srolvic defiantly.

"What you treasure most: your bovines!" she laughed evilly. "I demand CIDY! She was my friend anyway!"

"Wait - no, you can't! Unless...you give me something in return!"

"Huh? I'm the blackmailer, not you! I set the conditions!"

"Fine. No CIDY!"

"BUT I'M THE BLACKMAILER!"

"Not my problem. You want CIDY, then offer me something," The Srolvic asked.

"Uh...fine. What do you want?" asked the blackmailer, still muttering random German phrases such as "the gun is in the toaster" or "when I was a little boy I liked being a girl."

"You're from 1918. Give me that power to move through time," The Srolvic demanded.

"Tell you what. I'll give you my monocle instead," the blackmailer replied.

"Hm...can you fly?" asked The Srolvic.

"Ugh, I really need CIDY. Tell you what: I'll give you it. Hold out your arm," she commanded. The Srolvic held out his child-sized arm to his blackmailer. She took out a a black pen and made strange designs.

"And this does what?" demanded The Srolvic skeptically.

"Just wait, brat," the woman replied. Sure enough, the ink seeped into The Srolvic's skin. "Now, you've got the same power as me. Now give me CIDY."

The Srolvic quickly wrote a letter and handed it over to the blackmailer. He laughed maniacally to himself. Then he did the unthinkable. "If I cannot find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!"

Suddenly.

The last spoken words were found to have nothing to do with the story. Then The Srolvic used the Reality Cube and just as the blackmailer disappeared so did The Srolvic.

The magical moment was useful for The Srolvic disappeared, unlike before, outside of this bizarre reality to a location unknown. He had to do something for Pennomi before he came back. Somewhere by the mountains of the Rockies a young man appeared standing in the middle of a four-lane highway.

Suddenly.

The cars were not happy with this sudden appearance. The Srolvic made his way, gingerly, up to the bus station just off Sheridan. Denver's suburb never looked as lovely as it did in the fall.

But he was there for something.

Kay

Ameratsu allowed her self a pleasure-filled giggle as she watched the group trying to get inside. There were so many of them, did they honestly expect to bumble around and not be suspected at every turn? Taking care of them would be easy. They would never know of her real method of coming and going out of this place. She didn't even need doors.

Luckily, Amarikah was enjoying the plethora of games. Her former self was learning rapidly. If things went in the right way, Ameratsu could withdraw the weapon herself and destroy the world.

An alarming thought reached her mind through the powers that be. "Ah, crap," she muttered, phase-shifting through the floor down into the room below. Positioning herself correctly in the chamber, her attention to her guests was distracted as she exerted a grand amount of force in order to keep the harmonies of times from forming too much dissonance. It was due to Amarikah's blasted actions...and the incessant bots. They originated from the time-space continuum, not the internet, and they were just as nasty and annoying.

Amarikah finished beating the PC game Castle of the Winds for a second time (on the male timeline, which amounted to a few different words in the dialogue), and lifted a hand. "Dungeon--Transport!"
Another sound of total failure resounded, but the teleportation spell worked. She teleported herself outside of Ameratsu's Lair, to find that she was in deep space. Immediately summoning herself back to Ameratsu's domain and breathing hard, she narrowed her eyes. She was sick of this. Flipping her hair as if she was Tear, time was reverted, and she aged herself to the age she wanted to be, which was around twenty.

Ameratsu immediately realized that Amarikah had set the current time differently, and immediately hit the 'reset' button. Now, the different psyches were going to have to decide who would exist when.

Or, she could decide, she thought with a smile.

Kurisu's different forms had started sparring for fun, and his older form disappeared as the younger brought a crescent kick to the other's head. "Wait, I didn't mean to end your existence!" He cried out, looking around for the older self that he had just found. The replicas of all of the different geese, giant, normal-sized, or tiny said good-bye to each other before they disappeared, some older forms of geese were allowed to exist instead of the younger forms. Kurisu shrugged, and just watched the ensuing panic of older and younger forms making way for each other in this time-frame.

And far away, two redheads shouted at each other as many replicas passed.

Amarikah woke back up by the Pedestal of Time, with a door nearby that read 'Exit-Shrubbery'. Ameratsu tapped her on the shoulder, and grinned as she explained, "Listen. That training was vital for what's about to happen next." Her face then suddenly turned rather grim and stern. "And it's not going to be another change in time. It's about the ultimate weapon. Retrieve the Script and use it for yourself. Understand?"

The young adult nodded, and Ameratsu smiled. "See you later." She then disappeared as a void of existence opened up and she took herself out of time.

Kensington opened the door, and yelled, his eyes glowing, "Where is the wine?!"
Amarikah raised an eyebrow, and transmuted a glass bottle in her hands from sheer carbon dioxide. She then tossed it to the skeleton, who returned to his drunken state with glee. The others were a little ways behind down the arbor outside of the door, and she waited until no one was paying attention. Yet to her dismay, in trying to wank the Script off of Kensington, she found that he didn't have it.

"Shorry, Ahmahrikah." An unfamiliar voice laughed from behind. "I will have the Mahster Shword!"

"You fail." Pennomi announced as he walked in the door, the sword clearly in his hands.

"Not-purr, not-purr..." A voice was heard to say.

Out of nowhere.

As Ameratsu is a cruel master of fate, the older version of the Chosen One was placed in Antarctica once more. He had no inhibitions from screaming at the top of his lungs at such a horrific twist of fate, and the penguins heard their master's cry. "At least then I had girls to date!" He roared.

Abruptly.

Amarikah tackle-hugged Del, ignoring the strange fellow with the cat, rambling in French speckled with Japanese. At this instant, the cheerleaders then swarmed Amarikah and carried her by sheer fanpower outside. Who knows why they wanted to, really.

The sudden reparation of the timeline shocked everybody.

Amarikah, Del, Pennomi, Kensington, the mounties, the cheerleaders and the shockingly normal 3x5 card wielding men had all come to in the Temple of Time. Amarikah's fans moved her out of the Temple in an amazing wave of cheering.

Pennomi looked around. Everything was back to the way it was before he picked up the Master Sword... well, not really. Chairwoman Del and her boys were somehow transported magically from their future existence to this one. Pennomi was still an adult, which by all respects he shouldn't be. (On a side note, The Future Srolvic still exists in this world, since The Srolvic was outside of it when it was pieced back together). But most disturbing of all was the fact that a new villainous Lishp had returned from the future with them. He was stroking his cat.

"Cursh you Ahmahrikah! I wash sho closhe to winning! I haff losht the Mashter Shword! Ha, but I shtill have dis Shadow Chryshtal!"

The director had obviously also been transported back with them, because all of a sudden, cameras were everywhere, and an announcer said, "And up to bat is Pennomi Cosyo, the power hitter on the Admins. But can he get a piece of that Lishp's spitball?"

Pennomi tapped his boots with his blade then assumed batting stance.

The Lishp raised the crystal, and with the force of his will, it projected a blast of dark energy at Pennomi.

Pennomi swung his master sword at it and deflected it back at the Lishp, who swung his crystal at it, deflecting it back. They hit it back and forth, unendingly. "Wow, this is an amazing volley!" cried the announcer. "Who will come out victorious? Find out after this commercial br- augh!"

The announcer was cut short because Pennomi angled the blast slightly away from the Lishp, directing the energy straight towards the announcer and a group of cameramen. The cameramen all dived for cover, but our friend the announcer, didn't have such luck. Fortunately, since the carnage in this story is G-rated, he just turned turned completely black and coughed smoke rings.

"Foul!" cried Kensington, who had donned umpire gear.

The Lishp wound up and launched another bolt at Pennomi. He swung and missed, letting the bolt continue past him and fry Kensington.

"*cough* Strike! *cough*"

The Lishp threw another ball of energy, and Pennomi hit it out of the Temple of Time.

"Home *cough* Run!" cried Kensington.

The mounties and the quite average men all got up and cheered as Del and Pennomi crossed home plate.

"You lose." said Pennomi. "Hand over Hello Central."

The Lishp sighed in resignation and checked his pocket where he had kept the bear, but it was missing!

"Where's my Hello Central?!?" cried Chairwoman Del.

Pennomi took out the script and started reading. "What?!? It looks like Cheese got hold of Hello Central somehow."

"Cheesh?" asked the Lishp. "He wash my roommate at shkool!"

Everybody looked at the Lishp funny for a second, then Pennomi started giving out orders. "Okay, this is going to have to be a covert operation, so I'll need Amira and the Mountie Ninjas. All other mounties stay behind and set up base here. We'll be back as soon as we get Hello Central."

"You're not going without me!" protested Chairwoman Del.

"Sorry sweetheart, no time to discuss this in committee." Penn replied, feeling smug that he could finally be as cool as Harrison Ford.

"I AM the committee." Del replied.

"Hrm... er... well... good point. You can come." Pennomi said. Then, he added, "But you can only bring your most stealthy very average men... we've got a compound to infiltrate. Okay all, move out!"

The three most stealthy Mountie Ninjas crawled through the shrubbery shortcut. Del followed with her three most trusted extraordinarily-ordinary men. Pennomi was about to crawl through when Mira smacked him upside the head. "Sweetheart?!?"

She stomped to the shrubbery and crawled through.

"Amira... Amira... Hey, come on, it was just a joke!" Pennomi sighed. This is why girls were so frustrating. He bent down and crawled through the shrubbery.

Without warning-

Pennomi, Chairwoman Del, and their seven trusted accomplices somehow found their way into Cheese’s current lair. Crawling out from under the shrubbery shortcut into the Lawn & Garden section of Wal-Mart, they casually looked around for a lone shopping cart that they could commandeer in order to make themselves appear unobtrusive.

By the time they found one, they were arguing again.

Well, that is... Del, Amira and Pennomi were arguing. Del’s three most stealthy average-looking councilmen were attempting to offer to buy flowers for the three mountie ninjas.

“One does not simply walk into Wal-Mart!” Amira hissed, trying not to be overheard by the department supervisor who was watering saplings down past the far end of the perennials bench. “There is an evil there which does not sleep.”

“You mean 'here'.” Del corrected in a whisper. “We’re already inside.”

“That’s beside the point.” Pennomi insisted. “The script says we should get a cart and sneak over to Electronics. We can’t waste time arguing!”

“Forget the script!” Del countered. “That’s what Cheese would expect! Thing’s probably full of typos anyway.”

“But he hasn’t read it!” Amira disagreed, then turned to Pennomi. “Has he?”

Pennomi shrugged. “He did have it for a while, but I doubt he read it, since-”

Amira interrupted in order to argue with Del again. “See? Pennomi says the odds are against it!”

“Never tell me the odds!” Del snapped back, smug that she finally got her chance to quote Harrison Ford as Han Solo. Then, continuing on, she said: “He knew who I was when he hadn’t even met me! I don’t know how, but Cheese might have another way to know what’s going on.”

“Be quiet, you two!” Pennomi insisted, getting instant glares from the two women. “We’ll be heard by the… wait, where’d he go?”

The three looked down to the other side of Lawn & Garden, where the department supervisor had been. He was gone, and so were the mountie ninjas and the three councilmen.

“Wait, what?” Del did a triple-take. “All right, that’s it. We’d better just go right on over to where Cheese is and demand Hello Central.”

“Well, now that our element of surprise is probably ruined…” Amira complained.

“Let’s just go.” Del repeated.

“You said that already.” Pennomi pointed out, then added: “And that’s what the script says we should do anyway.”

“What’s this about a script?” Cheese said. “You mean this thing?” He was somehow standing behind Pennomi, holding the lampshade.

“Wait, what?” Del said. “How’d you get here?”

“I used a plot device, Chairwoman.” It was Cheese’s turn to be smug. He put a fist-sized contraption into his pocket. “It’s almost as useful as my Magic Eight Ball.”

“That’s how you know random stuff!” Del exclaimed.

“How dare you steal from Pennomi!” Amira shouted.

“GIVE EVERYTHING BACK!” Pennomi yelled, drawing the Master Sword to attack.

“Yipe!” Cheese hollered, jumping back. He parried with a salt-cured swordfish.

While they were sparring, Amira pulled out a sniper rifle and took exceptionally careful aim, especially for being at close range.

“Dang! Missed!” she muttered under her breath as a flower pot behind Cheese was decimated.

Knowing that Amira always had better aim on the second try, and hearing that Chairwoman Del was starting to cast Ground Dasher, Cheese decided to surrender… for the moment.

“Okay, okay, I’ll give everything back.” he said, blocking the Master Sword with his fish.

Pennomi stopped attacking. “All right! We win!”

“Yeah, sure kid.” Cheese said.

“Give back my bear!” Del snapped, having stopped casting.

“Sure, sure… but first let me give back something I stole from your apartment while I was there earlier in the narrative.”

“What?”

“THIS!” Cheese threw a stack of papers at Del. “I marked some typos for you, too. You might want to look for them.”

“WHAT!?!?” Del exclaimed, diving to collect the scattered papers. “This is… I haven’t looked at this manuscript in ages! Argh, I have to put it back in order and read through it!”

Amira’s next shot would have hit Cheese, except that he looked as smug as a void of existence could, and used his plot device to inexplicably transport himself to a different department of Wal-Mart right as she fired. Another flower pot was destroyed, and Amira’s comments were severely edited for content.

“Oh, great.” Pennomi said, seeing Del go for the papers. “Amarikah told me about this one time. “We’ll have a hard time getting her to do anything else now.” He reached to help gather up the papers.

“No! You’re not allowed to read ahead!” Del gasped. “Let me do it!”

“Uh, now what?” Pennomi asked.

Amira shrugged. “I guess we either wait until she’s done, or go attack Cheese without her.”

“Oh, this’ll only take a minute.” Del muttered, starting to re-order the papers she’d gathered up.

She’d be saying that again every five minutes for the next few hours, unless…

Meanwhile-

Kensington and the remainder of Pennomi’s mounties and Del’s council had wandered outside and were walking along, the council explaining to the mounties the acquired skills necessary to pile improbably large amounts of people into the back seat of a sedan.

Kensington walked up to Amarikah. “So, how are things?”

The cheerleaders started making up some kind of ditty about a feather boa.

“Hey, since when did you have a boa?” Amarikah asked, noticing the skeleton was sporting the accessory.

“Oh, I’ve always had it. Didn’t you notice?” Kensington twirled the ends of the boa. “It’s why the drag queens wanted me to lead them.”

“Ummmm……. ‘kay.” Amarikah said.

Without warning-

Every councilman present pulled out his cell phone and looked at it. “Uh-oh.” they all said ominously.

“What?” Amarikah, Kensington, the cheerleaders, and the mounties all asked in unison.

The most average-looking guy answered: “Del has been stalled by a manuscript.”

“Uh-oh.” Amarikah said.

“So what?” Kensington asked.

“Amarikah rolled her eyes. “It means she’s not going to be useful for much of anything until she finishes working on whatever she’s got in front of her.” She then turned to the council. “But how do you know that?”

The guy held up his cell phone so that Amarikah could see the screen. It had the characters <M> on it. “We have editing alarms. It’s the real reason why Del chose average guys with proofreading skills to be on her council. We all went through extensive training and conditioning in order to know just what she would look for. We’re the only ones she trusts to edit stuff in her place.”

Kensington looked to Amarikah for further explanation.

“If she lets them edit for her, she won’t get stalled as badly.”

“Right.” the average guy said. “But apparently she doesn’t have the others with her right now, and she’s been stalled. We have to get there quickly.”

“But Pennomi said it was a stealth operation. We can’t all go.”

Kensington laughed drunkenly as he twirled his boa some more. Apparently he’d remembered the new bottle Amarikah had made for him. “Obviously, that doesn’t matter anymore if they’ve been captured or attacked.” He took another swig from his empty bottle. “That clock’ll never strike the right time, you just walk right through it and you’ll walk through time.” He laughed maniacally, and twirled his boa some more.

“I guess he has a point.” Amarikah said, turning to the councilmen. “So where’s Christine?”

“Um…” the guy who’d been speaking so far was rather speechless.

“Uh, some of us had to take her to the vet.” another guy said.

“What?” Amarikah was wide-eyed. That car never seemed to have genuine problems. “Why?”

“Oh, it was all of the time-shifting. Chronophysics mandates that time-shifting is murder on a clutch.” All the rest of the council nodded.

“Okay, fine. We’ll take Mussolini or the Canadian.” Amarikah declared. “Let’s go.”

They searched around every parking lot in the area, but found no sign of either vehicle.

“Oh my Edited-For-Content!” Amarikah shouted. “My brother must be driving them both!”

Everyone agreed that this was not only possible, but also completely inexcusable. However, such agreement didn’t solve the current problem any.

“All right, who else has a car?” Kensington asked.

“Um… The Srolvic has Gertrude, but I don’t--oh hey, The Future Srolvic was back at Ameratsu’s lair, we could see if he might have the car.”

“Okay.” Kensington and the various entourages all agreed.

A short while later, they were walking back into the lair, but as they stepped in they heard an ominous sound.

“Purr, purr.”

“Oh, great.” Amarikah was not pleased.

“Sho, you’re basck.” Lishp said, adjusting his monocle. “Did you come to rescue Fyusture Shrolvic?”

“It’s a TITLE! Say ‘THE’ first!” was heard from a padded cardboard box in the corner.

“Oh, great.” Kensington took another swig of empty bottle.

“Shall we shettle thish witsh a game of chesh, like shivillieged people?” The Lishp asked.

“NO!” Amarikah exclaimed. “We’ll settle this like convention-goers!” Whereupon she pulled out a couple of cheap plastic light sabers and threw one to Lishp.

The duel began, and it ranged all over. They were both masters… and then:

“I musht admit zhat you are beshter than me.” Lishp said.

“Then why are you smiling?” Amarikah asked.

“Becaush I’m not lefft-handid!” Lishp declared happily.

“Well, duh.” Amarikah rolled her eyes. “You’ve been using your right this whole time.”

“Oh, yesh, right.” Lishp muttered. “But I haff a caht!”

“Oh, drat, you got me there.” Amarikah said, and sneezed as Lishp shoved the peg-legged Patch in her face.

“Zhin why are you shmiling?” Lishp asked.

“Because I-- sneeze --know the anti-gravity formula!” Amarikah announced, and summoned a piece of buttered toast and a pot of rubber cement. Quick as… something funny that speeds along, she glued the toast butter-side out to the back of Patch and threw the cat up into the air.

Since the cat wanted to land on its feet and the toast wanted to land on its butter, (and they were surprisingly equally-matched) the cat-toast-combo simply circled in the air, faster and faster. As the anti-gravity formula built up momentum, its effect spread to the whole room. Soon, all gravitational effects in the main entrance hall of Ameratsu’s lair had been neutralized. The cheerleaders were surprisingly adept at dealing with such situations, and formed a chain formation that all of their allies could latch onto and climb back to the exit. Of course, they also managed to take the padded cardboard box with them.

“Aarsgh!” Lishp complained. “My caht!” and spent the next shockingly-long-period-of-time in trying to grab hold of Patch to remove the toast and cancel the anti-gravity formula.

Suddenly. The Srolvic hopped on a bus heading towards Longmont. It was rather an odd scene, one has to admit. A young man dressed in a military uniform unlike any of the United States' military dress. A woman regarded the odd young man out of the corner of her eye soberly.

"Not from around here, are you?" she asked as casually as a person would normally do with a potentially psychotic person.

"Uh...well, not exactly," replied The Srovlic, suddenly unsure of the woman. She had a feathered boa about her and a non-drag queen look to her. He relaxed suddenly. Things would be all right.

"Ah, well, it's good to get out," she replied. The Srolvic could only nod as though he understood a word of what the woman was meaning. "Young people don't do that anymore," she added. Once again, The Srolvic could only nod knowningly and pray that his stop was coming up.

But it was not to be. For the next two hours, The Srolvic was stuck listening to the odd woman chat idly about the most ridiculous things. The Srolvic wanted to sink down in his seat several times. At one point he pretended to have died but the woman went right on talking.

At last, success! The bus stopped in downtown Longmont, a rather flat part of the town. He could see in the not too far distance the hills that made up the rest of the city. But he was too happy to be away from the woman to care.

He was quick on the uptake to realize that his powers of disguise and persuasion were nullified in wherever 'here' was. Nevertheless, he trudged on. He climbed the hills of the beautiful city, intent on not drawing too much attention. But how can you be ignored dressed in the get up that The Srolvic was in.

"All right, son, this aint the Fourth of July, you know," said a policeman at one point.

"You will be silenced in the presence of your President, infidel!" shouted The Srolvic with as much regal rage as possible. Though, you do have to admit, he looked more funny then commanding.

"Yeah, about that," the policeman replied, "did you run away from your nice padded cell?"

"Your mom ran away from a nice padded cell!" replied The Srolvic and took off running. He managed to get away from the cop and up to a house on a hill.

A rather pudgy man met him at the door. The Srolvic was quickly invited inside whereupon he was served with nasty-tasting water and a buffalo burger. The man had two cats, one older then dirt and the other dumber then dirt. The Srolvic could only bide his time until the man disappeared into the kitchen to steal what he had come for.

It was above the fireplace where rednecks placed shotguns and other random objects (eggbeaters, old mouse traps, a picture of Great Uncle Ebert, etc.). It was a sword, finely crafted and sharp as could be. The man didn't comprehend the idea of pure showmanship. The Srolvic carefully took the sword off the shelf and held it in his hand. Perfectly balanced...made in China...the thing would do Pennomi well.

The Srovlic slipped out the front door and looked even odder with an unsheated sword in his hands. Little children ran in fear of the odd looking young man. Mothers were shocked to see this and husbands took aim at the young man with their shotguns from off their fireplace mantle. The Srolvic managed to get all the way back to the bus stop again with only a few "Your mom" jokes to shrug off attacks.

But the greatest evil ever known was waiting for him. "Oh, you're back. Did you have a good time?" the woman asked.

The Srolvic fell to his knees as the bus took off with him on it and screamed, "NOOOOO!!!!!"

Amidst pounding his head against the back of the seat in front of him the woman chatted idly, "Such a lovely day. Oh, look at the leaves on those trees. My how I love fall here. You know, when I was a young woman - oh but that was sooo many years ago, mind you not many. I'm not that old. Oh ho ho ho, but look at me babble on - so, I was but a whee thing and I said to my friend Jennie then..."

The Srolvic tried groaning, "Your mom" jokes, swearing (G-rated style), and numerous other ways but the evil was not to be defeated. Finally, in tears of desperation The Srolvic said, "I beg you: shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" The woman paid him no mind so The Srolvic crouched into a fetal position whimpering the rest of the bus trip back to Denver.

"Westminster I-25!" called out the driver. The Srolvic shot up in an instant. "Free?" he asked to no one in particular. "I'm free! Ahahahahahaha!!!!! Goodbye, you crazy loon of a woman!" shouted The Srolvic as he got off the bus skipping away.

"Such a nice young man," the woman said to no one in particular.

About fifty yards later, The Srolvic realized that the skipping was odd (still hadn't realized that the uniform didn't help either) when teens were calling him names from their cars as they sped past which sounded like this, "You're a *garbled sound as the source moved away*" The Srolvic arrived at Sheridan and stepped into the middle of the street.

Cars were quick to express their annoyance at his place of stopping. A few California hellos were given as well but The Srolvic ignored it all as he pulled at the Reality Cube. For the heck of it, The Srolvic clicked his heals and said, "There's no place like...ah, who am I kidding. To the bat mobile, self!"

Suddenly, The Srolvic was gone. Suddenly, the reality that Pennomi, Amira, Amarika, Amaretsu, the Lishp, Cheese, Del, and the near infinite number of fan girls were still without The Srolvic (Except for The Future Srolvic).

In a galaxy far, far away...

The Srolvic suddenly appeared on a planet not much different from Earth. "Oh, thank you!" He cried out with joy until he realized that he was standing in front of a young man. The young man was broad-shouldered and seemed to have a smirk on his face.

"Uh...who are you?" The Srolvic asked, hesitantly.

...The young man said nothing. It is hard to undrestand what exactly was passing through the other boy's brain since The Srolvic had the sudden inclination to believe that he still wasn't in Kansas anymore.

"Kexar," came the final reply. "I'm your new sidekick."

"Hmmm...uh, yeah, well, have fun with that," The Srolvic said wanting to get away from whatever the (edited for content) Planet of the Sidekicks he was on.

"You won't be able to leave unless you agree."

"If I were to say yes, you're aren't gonna call yourself Wonderboy or Robin are you?" asked The Srolvic in a worried tone.

"Do I look like a wannabe drag queen?" asked Kexar. The Srolvic let out a sigh of relief.

"Fine. You can come with me. But no engaging in conversations with the enemy, ok?" demanded The Srolvic.

"Who's the enemy?" asked Kexar.

"A woman on a bus that doesn't stop talking," replied The Srolvic in a low whisper. Kexar shuddered in horror. "Now, why did you want to come?"

"I am in need of my Tri-Crystals and your future self has them...or did. I have my Rainbow Crystal but not the other two."

"Uhuh," replied The Srolvic. "You sure you're not a drag queen in disguise? I mean, come on, 'Rainbow'? That sounds kind of...I-don't-know, foppish..."

"Hey, I didn't name it that. At least it's not lame like Clear," Kexar replied.

"Ok, fair enough," replied The Srolvic. "Let's blow this joint. Make sure that you stand near me in proximity. There'll be no holding hands with me. I work differently!"

The Srolvic suddenly was clicking his heals like an idiot and saying, "There's no place like him...Kansas."

Suddenly.

The Srolvic and Kexar found themselves in none other then Kansas. A Wal-Mart stood out in the distance. With The Srolvic back in his reality and not in disguise: the response was instantaneous.

From everywhere (Behind cars, streetlamps, rather scrawny trees, parachuting in, coming out of the bushes) his fan girls surrounded him. The Srolvic was impressed at there ability to find him. "All right! I surrender!" He shouted to the rabid fan girls numbering beyond count (rough estimates claim that the number of girls was near a quadrillion but the numbers were scorned at for how pitifully small they were and they slunk off in rejection). Without any smoke or anything the infinite number of fan girls disappeared.

Suddenly.

Sixteen girls appeared before The Srolvic and Kexar. They cheered at the sight of The Beloved Srolvic. The Srolvic could only shrug as the perplexed look on Kexar's face. "I need you fan girls something."

"Anything!" cried out the girls in sheer joy. Tears were obscuring their mascara.

"Where is The Future Srolvic?"

They didn't even have to converse on this.

"He's beyond Amaretsu's lair," the answered cheerfully and ecstatically.

"I have a request, rabid-psycho fan girls," The Srolvic said.

"Anything, The Srolvic," they said, gushing joy. Kexar looked like he was going to puke.

"Go and rescue The Future Srolvic and bring him to me instantly." The girls nodded and were gone.

"Impressive," Kexar replied.

"You should see 'em when they're stalking me," replied The Srolvic.

Suddenly.

The fan girls reappeared with The Future Srolvic.

"I believe you need only one more crystal," The Srolvic said slyly to Kexar. But it was missed on the guy.

"Why?"

Suddenly.

With strict orders, The Future Srolvic was sent to a magical New Zealand where PErch and Father Osiris Cossack were said to roam on the backs of dolphins that sung about fish and all that.

"Well, that takes care of that," he said cheerfully. He pulled on his beloved mask from the 99 cents store and chaos ensued as the fan girls began searching once again for their beloved obsession.

"Ah, status quo has returned," The Srolvic said with joy. "Now, let's get Pennomi this sword. I have a feeling he'll enjoy the edge of reality on this weapon."

"Why?"

The Srolvic just looked over at Kexar in bewilderment. "Your joking right?

"Your mom's joking," replied Kexar. The Srolvic laughed and the two headed off towards the Wal-Mart that by mere coincidence was not where Pennomi or anyone else was. But Kansas was nice at this time of year.

Kay

Ameratsu then popped her head out of a convenient window just as her former self and company left the area, and snarled at the general happenings. She summoned herself a box of tissues as the anti-gravity effect spread and allowed her to float weightlessly. Blasted cats, she muttered as she sneezed into a Kleenex. If the other gods would pay attention to requests from her, the one god that actually worked for her very existence, there would never have been cats in the first place…at least if Ameratsu had her way. She hadn’t been able to get rid of her cat allergy after all of these years, but there was—

“Cahme, Pacch!” The Lishp consoled as the cat was removed from its torment, the piece of toast. The cat glowered at its master, and then attempted to rip him into shreds. The toast merely sat on the ground, finally on the butter-side down. As the gravity returned, filaments of cat fur were still floating in the air, much to Ameratsu’s malcontent.

“Oh my edited-for-content!” Ameratsu shouted, descending in her wrath upon The Lishp. The incompetent man was saved by the goddess that suddenly walked out of another void of existence. Patch was distracted from ripping his master into a thousand pieces of vented feline frustration. Ameratsu closed her void of existence with a wave of her hand, glaring at the intruder of her hermetic lair. Blinking, The Lishp asked, “Dun’ happen tah haff ah Script, do yah?”

Ameratsu just smiled, shrugging. “Doesn’t matter now.” She nearly then wiped The Lishp out of existence with a flick of her fingers before someone interceded. Kurisu was suddenly standing in front of The Lishp with a triangular smile that could only be called demonic. Ameratsu paused with hesitation clear on her face, lowering her raised hand. Kurisu laughed. “I know that you won’t kill me.”

The goddess then smiled. “Don’t think I can’t. You just have too large of an impact on the time-stream to take you out without some real reason for it. What’s The Lishp to you?”

“Get out of tha’ way, Krish!” The Lishp demanded. Kurisu ignored him, and answered the older version of Amarikah. “He’s my big brother. What, would taking me out of the time-stream somehow change you?”

“Not at all, I’m completely intransient now. My 30th birthday was when my body was removed from the time-stream. I must also add that your family has a lot of genetic variance. I wouldn’t be surprised if your older sister was an ostrich.”

“I couldn’t kill you then, could I?” Kurisu wondered aloud, The Lishp merely petting Patch, who in turn merely growled a little less maliciously, “Not-purr, not-purr…almost-purr…purr.”

Suddenly. The Hamster Dance song started playing, and all present, even Ameratsu looked up toward the ceiling in confusion. “I didn’t install speakers there…”

She immediately unzipped time and space again, and jumped through the void of existence. Kurisu gave it a curious glance, but before he could jump through, it was zipped back up again. The Lishp noted, “Yoo know that Ahmahrahtsu made Cheeze in tha firsht plahce, rigcht? Shee wahnted a meenz of teleportahshun that didn’t invahlv a lot of time and effahrt by making and then destroyeeng voidz ahf existence, so shee made one that wood follow her around. Ash yoo cahn shee, that prahject failed.”

“English, Lishp. You’ve been off the mission for years.” Kurisu nagged.

“Thaht wash Ehngrish.” The Lishp replied with surprise.

The martial arts fanatic then slowly translated his brother’s words cognitively. Ameratsu had created his boss, who was now looking for his master’s former self in order to get the Ultimate Weapon. Didn’t that mean that Cheese himself had to be intransient or something like that? No matter. It just meant that Cheese could…
Kurisu then grinned widely, which made the Lishp shudder. “You know tha’ you alwaysh had caninesh tha’ looked like fangsh?”

“Oh, indeed.” He answered with a laugh. He then ran outside, and jumped into the car with Scott and Laine, and only the figurative gods knew where they went. The Lishp shrugged, and snapped for his fan club which already existed. Instead, a penguin waddled by, slapped him with his flippers a few times, and then made some comment about being cute and cuddly before waddling off into the sunset.

Abruptly. A lone girl walked on North Byhalia Road in the town of Coillerville, Tennessee. She then called out to the general populace there, declaring her love for The Flying Spaghetti Monster. “May He bless you with his noodly appendages!”
“Bong hits for Jesus!” The reply came, and everyone else merely shrugged and kept shopping in the town’s Wal-mart.

Far away from such places, Amarikah was quite cheery, much to the surprise and happiness of the cheerleaders, who then cheered with glee. Silencing them with a swish of her hair as they feared the power she could inflict, Amarikah grinned again. “You’re worth something! I can accept you as my fan club!” Suddenly, they were all around her and crying the equivalent of the American headwaters for joy. Then, as the relative area (which apparently was Mesa, Arizona) was flooded and purged of people as well as given new life, transformed from a desert to a temperate paradise, Amarikah swished her hair. “For real this time,” she laughed. She had formed a magnificent base for herself, which was so aesthetically pleasing that most who appreciated form and design were transfixed at the front door as if they had been turned to stone. Those who weren’t so shocked merely went around the side door as quite the crowd had formed in front of the main gates.

There, the challenge was to not be transfixed by the incredible music she had playing there. Even Amarikah herself had a hard time not getting on the dance floor when an especially good song came on, whether it was hip-hop, trance, or a strange mix of both, or whatever it could have been. She was now teaching a class on her theories of physics, which she had nearly misspelled as ‘psychics.’

“You see, the laws of physics are your imagination with a few twists. There are a few basic laws, but they can be bent fairly easily, as you saw with the anti-gravity example with the cat and toast. For example, driving! If you imagine that you can cross as many lanes as you like while making a left-hand turn, you can! And if you don’t want to use your turn signal, edit it for content!”

A cigar store Indian from a nearby non-descript cigar shop, which were plentiful in the Phoenix area, raised his porcelain hand. The window then exploded with no warning.

“That’s exactly what I mean!” Amarikah laughed, high-fiving the porcelain Indian, which formed the window back together. “You get an automatic A!”

Del was still working on her transcript with a large amount of average guys in a corner of the room, and the Future Srolvic piped up from his box, which he was still trapped in. “Are we going now or what?”

“Sure.” Amarikah laughed, and she called out, “Teleport!”

Everyone that she wanted to come along were spirited away along with her. They were all sitting quite snugly in Gertrude, which Amarikah had somehow ended up driving. Before her sense of direction somehow got them driving at the bottom of the Pacific, The Future Srolvic drove while Amarikah rode on top, along with Kensington, who was drunkenly howling at the top of his lungs.

“Where are we going again?” Amarikah asked Kensington, the two of them somehow sitting on the top of a car going 80 mph (which is 20 over the jalopy-slow speed limit on AZ highways).

“To the end of the universe!” Kensington laughed, looking totally plastered, or at least as plastered as a skull could possibly look.

“Where is it?” The key to the Ultimate weapon asked back.

“Houston, Texas.” The skeleton replied, nearly losing his bottle to the wind. Clutching it more tightly, he continued, “There’s a street where there’s two Starbucks across from the street from each other. When we get there, time will stand still. It’s been rumored to be the reflections of all of the realities possible. It’s the one place that Ameratsu has the least control over. And if you really needed two Starbucks cafes facing each other, the game is over. Period.”

“What game?” Amarikah asked with a curious smile.

“Never mind.” The skeleton answered, returning to his wine.

In the Houston, Texas Wal-Mart's parking lot, which happened to be the only Wal-Mart in the world that was across the street from two Starbucks, The Future Srolvic (even though still locked in a box,) parked Gertrude.

Amarikah and Kensington hopped down from the roof as the quite average councilmen piled out and The Future Srolvic fell out of the car. Amarikah decided that it was probably time to release him from the box, so she used Fireball to destroy it. She had such control over her power that all that happened to The Future Srolvic was that he lost one of his eyebrows...

"Oh my edited for content!!!" screamed Amarikah, jumping back ten feet. "You're not The Future Srolvic!"

"It's true." said the Drag Queen. Luckily, his beard had been singed also, so he wasn't in full-beard mode, just toasted-beard mode. "I was just pretending to be him to reclaim our leader, Kensington."

Just then, the entire group of Drag Queens parachuted on to the scene, with Cheese right behind them in a helicopter. The Drag Queens were rejoicing.

Unanticipatedly...

The Real Future Srolvic was riding on the back of singing dolphins with PErch and Father Osiris Cossack in the magical land of New Zealand. All that The Future Srolvic could be heard to say was, "I wish they were manatees..."

Unanticipatedly...

"Checkmate!" said Pennomi. Amira glared at him. She'd lost five times in a row. Plus, she was already in a bad mood about Pennomi. Here she was, getting creamed at chess by the man who called another sweetheart while her subordinates were being wooed by Del's councilmen, who though quite average, were handsome enough.

They were still waiting on Del. Amira and Penn had already gone shopping for new body armor, ordered pizza, beaten Tales of the Abyss twice (on hard), overhauled the Chinese Assault School Bus, solved world hunger AND played five games of chess. "Just one more minute!" cried Del. Not one of her councilmen had arrived to give her backup. Where could they be?

Amira let all her feelings of boredom, annoyance, and jealousy stew inside her until they all finally came out explosively. "That's it! We're through Penn!" Amira stormed off.

Pennomi's jaw dropped. They had never been together, and she was breaking up with him? Come to think of it, he had never had a girlfriend, so did this put him at a grand total of -1?

Pennomi followed her, trying to rectify things. After several days of fighting and crying and working things out, Mira finally realized that Pennomi really had been joking about the whole 'sweetheart' thing. (Aside: That's the really frustrating thing about girls, they never forget anything!)

Mira and Penn looked deeply into each others eyes and Amira leaned in to kiss him. Unfortunately, she forgot that she was wearing her new battle armor's helmet, and it cracked against his forehead so hard that it knocked him out cold.

Just then, Del shouted, "Done sorting my manuscript! Now we can... hey, what happened to Pennomi?" Amira smacked her own forehead with the palm of her hand.

"Okay, where are we supposed to find Cheese?" asked Amira. Just then, Del's cellphone rang. It was one of the councilmen who were with Amarikah.

"Chairwoman! We think that we have found Cheese! All of his Drag Queens are here in the Wal-Mart parking lot! We've had to barricade ourselves inside both Starbucks because they started singing... *static* ...don't know how much longer... *static* ...out of 3x5 cards... *static* OH NO! They've started to can-can!"

Then, the call was lost.

The heroes in the Wal-Mart looked grimly at each other (except for Penn, who wasn't looking at anything but the stars circling his head). There wasn't a Starbucks outside this Wal-Mart. They were in Tallahassee, not Houston.

“Wish I had a Plot Device.” Del muttered, grumbling to herself and adding on a few choice words that may not have been English. “Oh, hey!” she exclaimed, getting a sudden idea.

“What?” Amira asked, but Del was already headed over to Electronics on a dead sprint.

Amira helped Pennomi come to his senses and stagger across the Tallahassee Wal-Mart.

When they got there, Del was playing with a laptop. “The script DID tell us to come here, after all.” she was mumbling in the general direction of her allies.

“What are you doing?” Pennomi asked.

Del answered with a question. “Where can you buy anything and everything you want?”

Pennomi and Amira both replied simultaneously. “ebay.”

“Exactly.” Del nodded, and pulled out her credit card. Entering the number, she completed her order, did something else on the laptop, and closed out the browser.

“What did you just buy?” Pennomi wondered, but Del had already run off to the Customer Service desk, where a frumpy lady with a wig handed her a stack of papers freshly printed off.

“Oh, no.” Amira groaned, “Not another manuscript.”

“Nope.” Del blurted with a chuckle, and ran for Sporting Goods.

“What?” Pennomi and Amira called out, following.

In practically no time at all, Del had got the guy at the Sporting Goods counter to let her look at a gun for use in hunting quail. She was asking about the bird shot it used when her associates walked up.

“Downloadable copy of the script.” she said before they could ask another question. “Here, load this quick!”

Tossing the gun and bird shot to Amira, Del ran to a lawn chair and threw the stack of papers down onto it.

The Sporting Goods guy made a move to come out from behind his counter, but Pennomi stopped him with the Master Sword. “Sorry, but this is a matter of World Dominance.”

“Riiiiiiiight.” the SG guy said sarcastically, holding his hands up and wishing there was a panic button within reach.

Del moved well out of the way, then asked Amira to fire. Of course, the first shot missed, sending a spray of bird shot into some boxes of camping gear. The second shot, though, was dead-on. Little bits of paper scattered into the air as the copy of the script on the lawn chair now sported some new holes… as did the lawn chair.

“Great!” Del exclaimed happily, scooping the holey script up to leaf through it. “Now all we have to do is read it with the reckless abandon of a speed-reader with a deadline.”

Suddenly, Abruptly, Without Warning, Unanticipatedly, Inadvertently, Unexpectedly, Informally, Absurdly, and a plethora of other adverbs more…

Numerous plot holes opened up. Some of the singing dolphins turned into manatees, Christine was parked next to Gertrude next to the Canadian next to Mussolini, The Geese and Penguins were playing chess with the Kangaroos and the Whales out back, the Natives were playing tag-football with the Drag Queens, Cheese was arguing with Kurisu as Scott and Laine tried to hit on the cheerleaders who were cheering the natives on, The Lishp was feeding sushi to Patch and trying to explain his evil plan to anyone who walked by, Ameratsu was lecturing Amarikah and Kensington on her version of the laws of physics, and all the Mounties were standing up the Councilmen to go to the laundromat. The Srolvic’s fan girls had spread out over the entire world to look for him, and The Srolvic and Kexar were observing the potential G-rated carnage outside Wal-Mart.

And, most importantly--

Now Wal-Mart was just Wal-Mart… location no longer had any meaning for the store, they all looked the same and to go to one was to go to another. Or, rather, to walk out of one was to walk out of another.

Del, Pennomi, and Amira walked out the front doors.

“Ah, there he is.” The Srolvic said, and headed for Pennomi with Kexar following.

“Oh, there you are.” Amarikah said, and walked over to where Del was. “Are you all right?”

“Nope.” Del replied. “I feel like edited-for-content. Don’t ask me to eat anything, or you might regret it.”

“Um……… ‘kay.” Amarikah said, nodding. “Oh, by the way, I was wondering why I don’t have a title.”

“What? Why does it matter?”

“The Srolvic’s the Srolvic, you’re Chairwoman, and Pennomi gets to be the Hero of Time. Don’t I get a title?”

“You already have one. Titlechaser.”

Amarikah rolled her eyes. “Not that one, I mean a Real title.”

“Like a costume title?” Del said archly. “Ooh, I have just the thing!”

“What?” Amarikah asked as The Srolvic walked up and Cheese stopped arguing with Kurisu only to realize that his enemies were improbably all in the same vicinity.

“A Summon!” Del declared, and took a casting stance. “Magic-do-what-you-will… Invoke BATHROBES!”

Colored light (or maybe just stage confetti) rained down on Amarikah, Del, Pennomi, and The Srolvic. When it had settled, the four were wearing… bathrobes.

The Srolvic was sporting his Japanese Grandpa bathrobe, and in the air above him a text box appeared which read: “Obtained Title: Conference Czar!”

Pennomi had on the robe-outfit that was worn by Sage of Light Rauru in Ocarina of Time… the text box above him read: “Obtained Title: Loaner-Robe Mogul!”

Amarikah had a big white fluffy soft bathrobe and her box said: “Obtained Title: Terry-Cloth Empress!”

Del was wearing her hooded bathrobe, complete with pajama top and bottom and Birkenstocks with socks. “Obtained Title: World-Saver!”

“And now I’m exhausted.” Del said.

“But you’ve hardly done anything today.” Amarikah insisted.

“Yeah, well, that’s what flu does. I shall now use the special ability that comes with my outfit.”

“What?”

“Anti-Invisibility. If I can’t see you, you can’t see me!”

And so saying, Del pulled the hood of her bathrobe over her face. Surprisingly, it worked. She remained completely visible, but anyone and everyone else was compelled to not look directly at her. It wasn’t really that she couldn’t be seen, she just couldn’t be looked at. But then, she couldn’t see terribly well looking through cloth like that.

“Have fun trying out your Bathrobe Abilities against Cheese!” Del remarked, wandering around half-blind.

Suddenly.

The Srolvic was impressed by his bathrobe and couldn't help but mutter things on amazingly perfect Japanese like "I wish my eyes would stop flirting with the manatees" and "Oh my, there's a chicken in my soup of snail powder."

"How come I don't get a cool bathrobe like you guys?" Kexar demanded.

"You aint trying to conquer the world, man!" The Srolvic replied to the alien kid.

In a quote from The George Lopez show with a Mexican accent Kexar replied, "Man, you don't let me do nutting!"

Suddenly.

The Srolvic realized he had a new power and discovered he had mastery over pennies. "Come to me pennies!" he shouted. Pennies from all over the United States and places around the world that used the U.S. currency were suddenly flying through the air towards The Srolvic. The feat was impressive and amazing.

"Dude, that's a pointless power," Kexar replied with an arched eyebrow. The Srolvic shrugged.

"I can disguise myself, persuade anyone to do anything, can travel through time, alter reality, and move between realities and planets. Come on, the power to command pennies rocks!"

"Whatever."

Pennomi, Del (still unable to be seen), and Amarikah found themselves siding with The Srolvic. They were equally unimpressed by The Srolvic's new abilities as Kexar was.

"Dude, let me show you something," Kexar said in response. The Srolvic shrugged and agreed to it. "I need your fan girls to steal the Shadow Crystal," Kexar added. The Srolvic obliged and removed his disguise.

Suddenly.

Fan girls were pouring out from man-holes, behind trees, out of limousines, jumping out windows from nearby houses and skyscrapers, running out of the Wal-Mart doors until they were nigh unto infinite in numbers. The girls in rabid expressions of love for The Srolvic put up Missing posters of him in all kinds of disguises including a picture of the Lishp with blue hair and buckteeth. The look was rather disturbing. Some of the fan girls had built a platform and installed a sound system in the parking lot and were broadcasting propaganda in order to find The Srolvic.

Most disturbing of all were the karaoke contests of fan girls competing to prove which one loved The Srolvic more through songs. The ones that sang Backstreet Boys' 'Bye Bye Bye' received only wretching sounds from The Srolvic. The fan girls were engaged in cook offs, Iago from Aladdin impersonation contests, try outs for the producers' filming, and best drag queen look-a-like contests. Many of the girls were gathered around a hastily made bonfire chanting The Srolvic worship hymns. Needless to say, the effect was disturbing.

"Hmm, you got to admit, they're getting better organized with each response," remarked Del.

"Wow, they're using Mac computers!" exclaimed Pennomi with joy upon seeing several fan girls using Google Earth (now just $34.99 on google.com!) on their Macs in an effort to locate The Srolvic which they knew was somewhere in the vicinity.

"Fan girls!" shouted The Srolvic with a megaphone supplied by Kexar. "Come forth!" Instantly, the girls in their infinite numbers approached the object of their affection/obsession. "Hear me! Bring me the Shadow Crystal that is in the hands of the Lishp and you shall have my praise!"

The response to this was, unfortunately, not g-rated. So, to edit to make it g-rated this writer will only report on the G-rated parts and skim over the non-G-rated content. Here goes.

There was fighting. The lishp was repeated to sigh in a high pitched voice, "Mother of --!" Drag queens were called in to can-can in support of the Lishp. Fighting. Fighting. More fighting. Screams in a high pitched tone from Cheese at the ferocity of the attack. Silence.

One fan girl approached The Srolvic with the Shadow Crystal in hand. The crystal was triangular in design on the top but with a six-sided base that. The crystal, like the others, was also blue but had a darkness that passed over the surface giving rise to its name. The Srolvic handed the Shadow Crystal over to Kexar without ceremony.

"Go on, show me, then," The Srolvic said in a flat tone.

And Kexar did so.

Suddenly.

Kexar brought out the Clear Crystal, which glowed until a soft blue aura surrounded Kexar, and the Shadow Crystal's surface turned darker in response. A beam of energy flashed violently from the crystal and struck the pennies next to The Srolvic. The backlash of energy was tremendous: knocking down The Srolvic, fan girls, and everyone else. The pennies melted under the sheer ferocity of the power of the Shadow Crystal.

And that was that.

"Ok, I'm done," Kexar replied without any real need for dramatic words.

"Show off," muttered The Srolvic. "Great, there goes my powers."

"Nah," Kexar replied, "this was just 1/10 the amount in the world. The others are still on their way."

The drag queens rejoiced.

Suddenly.

Father Osiris Cossack appeared in a dramatic show of flashing colored lights, angelic singing, and amazing acrobatic moves by dolphins behind him in magical water. He entered the scene of Wal-Mart through a door that revealed the magical place known as New Zealand.

"I have come," Father Osiris Cossack said dramatically. He was wearing a cloak, which he let flap in the wind that suddenly picked up (again: dramatically). "I have come to reveal the truth." This resulted in cheers from the drag queens, the ignoring of the fan girls, and the careful listening of the would-be world dictators. "What is the truth, you ask! Well, allow me to tell you!" Father Osiris Cossack continued dramatically. "I have come to reveal who are my children!" A collective gasp arose from everyone. "You are my child!" he shouted pointing to Pennomi.

"Me? Ah come on, where's all the money you didn't pay then?" he demanded in annoyance rather then surprise.

"And you!" he said, pointing to The Srolvic.

"Mmm, can I get a refund on that one?"

"And you!" he said pointing to Del.

"Seriously?"

"And you!" he said, pointing to Amarikah.

She was heard to say, "Hm, that complicates things."

"And you!" he shouted, pointing to the average looking councilmen. They looked on mildly surprised. "And there's plenty more where that come from!" Then he simply stepped back through the door and disappeared.

Suddenly.

The Srolvic put on his disguise and disappeared. The result was chaos and the fan girls were gone within minutes. Leaving behind all their events.

"Hmmm...not very good at the cleaning up part yet," commented Amira.

Kay

Amarikah wasn’t sure of what to say. However, that was merely a law of nature that even she could not undo. If she didn’t know what to say, she inserted in the first thing that came to mind. “Autobots! Roll out!”

This only brought her odd glances, as can be imagined. Kensington couldn’t help the imagined tension and pressure any longer. He finally cried out, “I’m just a sweet transvestite from transsexual Transylvania!”

Amarikah only lifted a terrycloth sleeve at that remark. She then added, “It’s not your fault that your name is derived from a bumbling Senator—”

“Like me?”

“…Huh?”

Amarikah turned around to find a rather tall man dressed in maroon and gray robes. “Senator Tissian? What are you doing here?”

“You said Senator, so you thought of me, Senator Kensington Tissian.” He turned to the relative crowd of TNG characters, and got onto the stage to announce, “In the next election, vote for me as High Seat of Parliament, I promise that all Jazelian citizens—”

“Shut it!” Amarikah shouted. “I don’t know how you got out into this reality anyway! I can’t just have my characters show up everywhere!”

“Like me?” A tall redhead with white pupils and otherwise black eyes asked, grinning -almost- like an idiot.
“Oh, not you, Sterling!”
“Whaddya mean ‘oh, not you?’” Sterling asked, brushing off imaginary travel dust on the mark on his clothes that represented the tenure of his professorship in his original reality. “You mean that I don’t show up everywhere anyway? Come on, no reality can resist someone as gorgeous as me from breaking and entering at will. Besides, everyone else wants in too.”

Thousands of characters then seemed to appear out of nowhere before Amarikah could protest. There was a group of half-animal/half-human characters that were talking about how they had to get back through some sort of gate in order to get back to their high school, and the half-dolphin was staring quizzically at Pennomi. “Don’t I know you?” He asked, looking the dictator up and down.

One girl that looked rather like Amarikah was being pursued by a guy that looked her age, a brunette with a serious obsession. “Kay, I can’t do this anymore!” She promptly put on a red and silver mask and called out the French word for shadow, and terrorized her would-be lover with the spirit of darkness that had stopped their betrothal in the first place. All chaos had broken loose. Every single character that Amarikah had ever conceived, all of her creations, were running freely in a Wal-mart parking lot. A dark-skinned character roared at the top of his lungs and attacked the man that had stolen his wife out of a matter of rank while a certain cyborg walked over to the stage that had been turned into what seemed to be a techno-rave in order to steal away a strange, fox-like woman that was doing crazy things with her voice.

Before massive explosions, diabolical schemes, and really random happenings occurred, nothing was done to stop them from happening as Amarikah was literally reeling in shock. She was so shocked that she was blown back across the entire parking lot away from the others, and her impact was cushioned by the certain cyborg mentioned earlier. And so—

Suddenly.

—They occurred. Wars broke out instantly when betrayals arose and loves were forgotten or ripped apart, and another session of G-rated carnage ensued. Editors attempted to replace the previous phrase, but Amarikah liked it too much for it to be removed. As a group of psychics from the Psiocrian Order attempted to secure the area, one attempted to drill into The Srolvic’s mind to get a grasp on the situation. It resulted in The Srolvic’s disguise being removed as another knight accidentally shoved him in passing, and so many minds of devoted fangirls arrived that the knights nearly died from the general presence of such mental dedication and rabid obsession. The knight that had attempted to invade The Srolvic’s mind was, needless to say, savagely obliterated. Thankfully, The Srolvic just had to pick up his disguise for his curse to disperse.

Amidst all of the nondescript chaos, Sterling looked over at Del, or attempted to do so. “Hey, I know that I know you from somewhere. Are you one of the siblings that wrote the Chronicles? I know Amarikah over there is one of them.” He made a dismissive gesture to the dictator getting chased by rabid characters begging for development, which included her cheerleaders. She was heard to yell, “You’re all grounded!!”

“Maaay-be.” Del replied, still hiding herself. Sterling kept trying to look at the dictator, but was repeatedly thwarted by Del’s hood, forcing his oddly-hued eyes to focus elsewhere. “Wha, why can’t I look at you!?” He finally exclaimed in frustration after having tried multiple times to view her.
“’Cause I’m sick and I have to pull this hood over my head. Baby’s on the quarter-tips.” She declared in reply.

Sterling made a dismissive sound, and laughed. “Come on. In that case, I can heal you.” The kind gesture appeared to be appreciated. Yet, unaware to the magic user and apparently to Del as well, Del’s hood reflected all things, not just glances. As he attempted to heal the Recorder from a distance, the spell was thrown off and knocked out Amarikah with a glancing hit. All of the characters, except for the tenacious Sterling disappeared as Amarikah was knocked out by the stray shot of life force.

“…did we move in this entire post yet? To be honest, I’m pretty bored.” Pennomi asked, looking over at Amira and Kexar.

“I did, I don’t know about you. The pennies haven’t gotten here yet.” The Srolvic replied with a rather worried look. Kexar shrugged. “It’s ‘cause you don’t let me do nuttin’.”

Cheese found himself not being attacked by anyone in particular, and Kurisu quite literally jumped out of his master. “You should have told me earlier that you still worked as a portal.” He muttered, looking like he might cry. “It’s better than having sacrificed Sorghum.” The giant goose had died in the non-descript chaos earlier, in the style of Heroes of Might and Magic IV, and Kurisu’s anguish over the death had also been shuffled into that non-descript category. The category was a plot device in and of itself, and yet another plot hole threatened to form.
Cheese shook his head. “No time for arguing about that now, you know what to do! And why does your girlfriend have Sweden again?”

“I don’t know…and she’s not my girlfriend anymore!” Kurisu shouted, running over to the lone knocked out dictator. Pennomi however made it there first, blade drawn. “I’m sorry, but there’s not a chance that I’m going through another round of trying to save Amarikah if it’s going to involve more shrubberies, lairs, and Wal-marts. I’m not going through another session of consoling Amira over the fact that I wanted to joke around with someone else besides her!”

“Excuse me?” The leader of the Mounties interjected. She would have added more phrases that would have likely been edited for content, but the pennies whizzing through the air a few miles off were shining in their glory as a brilliant bronze cloud of doom, and even Amira was distracted by it. The Srolvic and Kexar were plotting amongst themselves about the pennies. Sterling noted the odd characters about ready to duel over his maker as Kurisu merely smiled demonically, and the ex-professor almost said something, but Del edited it for content. “You would ask something like that,” she muttered. Kensington then merely looked at the healing professor, and Sterling hid behind Del in fear. Del and Kensington exchanged glances and shrugged.

However, the two about to enter into a duel were not distracted. The Geese and the Mounties were watching from the sidelines. The Srolvic’s fan girls had dispersed, although there were a few posting signs on the asphalt and attempting to paint his portrait on conveniently nearby bovines out of sheer devotion.

“Besides,” Pennomi added lastly with a smile, “I just want to fight.”

Kurisu sneered, going into a fighting stance, eying the lampshade that served as both a map and a script. “Almost-yellow belt jujitsu against brown belt kung fu? Bring it on, weakling.”

"Oh, please." said Pennomi. "As if I would use jujitsu against you when I have a sword." He took a step forward and swung at Kurisu, who caught the blade between his hands.

"Hey!" cried Pennomi. "I saw that one on Mythbusters and they said it couldn't be done!"

"You shouldn't trust what you see on TV. Honestly, when will you learn the difference between fiction and reality?" Kurisu gloated. With a quick twist of his wrists, Pennomi's sword flew from his grasp and landed too far away to get to before being splattered by a kung fu master.

The mounties all ran forward to save their object of affection, but they were intercepted by a wall of rejoicing Drag Queens. They were in full beard mode and it was too much for the mounties to handle. Most of them dropped to the ground, hurling. The lucky ones were just paralyzed with horror, twitching every now and again.

Pennomi, Amira, The Srolvic, Kexar, Amarikah and the other numerous concourses of named characters in this story all shuddered with horror, but were not so easily incapacitated. Unfortunately for them, even their resistances to Drag Queens could not protect against Drag Queens singing... opera.

Suddenly, flashes of light started jumping around in Pennomi's head. He dropped to the ground and started convulsing. The others were no more successful at resisting and started having their own seizures.

Without warning.

The group all woke up and noticed that they were tied up in Cheese's New Lair.

“Muahaha!” laughed Cheese. “Now I have you all in my power. It is time for me to reveal my evil plot to take over the world!” He did so with a sleek PowerPoint presentation and then finished with, “Any questions?”

“Okay, there's something I've always wanted to know...” said Pennomi. “Are you male or female?”

Everybody gasped. Cheese snapped the pointer he was using for the demonstration in a fit of rage. “How dare you ask the Forbidden Question?” he thundered.

“Well, honestly, one can't help wondering...” Pennomi said. Everybody (including the Drag Queens) nodded in agreement.

Cheese was so angry that he was turning red. Which is not easy for a void of existence, let me tell you. “Okay, that's it!” he yelled. “Pennomi, for that you deserve a special fate. To the Art Gallery!” The group was herded to a new hallway which was lined with statues... of people frozen in carbonite. “This is your fate, Pennomi! Muahahahaha!”

Pennomi looked around, looking quite distraught... until he noticed a trio of statues on the wall – Han Solo, Indiana Jones and Harrison Ford. At this he perked up and started begging to be frozen just so he could be like his hero. “I only have one request,” Pennomi said. “that I will be hung next to Harrison Ford.”

Cheese nodded curtly then moved everybody into the freezing chamber.

It looked like something out of Star Wars. The guards held the others back while pushing Pennomi forward. Amira ran forward and gave Pennomi a last hug, and unbeknownst to the guards, he slipped something to her. The guards pushed her away. Cheese took this moment to ask, “Any last words?”

Pennomi responded, “How clichéd. Don't you have any last words to me?”

“Hrm... yes. I hate your guts.”

“I know. (Ha! Harrison Ford quote!)” And with those last words he leaped into the freezing chamber.

A puff a steam and a dramatic moment later, Pennomi was encased inside a clear block of material.

“Um... isn't carbonite... silver?” asked The Srolvic.

“Shut up!” yelled Cheese. “We're out of carbonite, so I had to settle for silicondioxidite.”

“Tacky.” The Srolvic said as he shook his head.

Cheese's minions got to moving Pennomi to the Wall of Statues, and as they hung Pennomi up his eyes darted around rapidly and he could be heard to scream, even through the silicondioxidite. “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!” They had hung him up... next to Jar Jar Binks in carbonite, not Harrison Ford.

“Oh my edited for content!” gasped The Srolvic.

“Um, just out of curiosity, what exactly are we editing out every time we edit for content?” asked Amira.

For all of those who are weak at heart, stop reading now. This next sentence will be rated PG-13... or R. Amarikah began to explain, “Edited for content... stands for...” (she was whispering now) “Huckabee.”

The Srolvic shuddered in horror at the mention of the Forbidden Word. Luckily for him, it wasn't said too loudly.

They were all escorted to the prison and thrown in individual power-canceling cells. Amira took the time to look at what Pennomi had given her. All she could say was, “We've been through all of this together and all I get is a lousy bathrobe?!?”

Each alone, they were all doomed... until a hooded figure arrived at the entrance to Cheese's New Lair. She was the only one who had evaded capture. She was wearing a bathrobe.

Without warning...

Del slipped the hood backwards on her head enough to uncover her eyes and get a better look at the place.

“THIS is his new lair? You’ve gotta be kidding me. I’ll never get past all the books in there!”

The front of the building had “Barnes & Noble” prominently emblazoned above the double doors.

Del coughed and pulled her hood back down over her face before anyone would have a chance to notice her. “Well, I’m certainly not going in THAT way.” She walked around to the back, where there was a big cargo door which looked remarkably like something one might expect to see on an Empire-built fort housing a shield generator control room.

To one side of the door there was a person wearing boots, a cloak, and a short floppy wide-brimmed leather hat… leaning in close to a control panel, muttering and occasionally typing on a keypad.

“You done with that yet?” Del asked.

“Oh, sure, it’ll only take 10 times longer than the length of this interruption.” The person said, turning around. “Which might be a long one, knowing you.” He was extremely old-looking, except for the bright look in his eyes, which couldn’t see straight to look at Del because of her bathrobe’s hood. “Hey, kid, you do realize that doesn’t keep people from knowing you’re there, right? It’s not exactly stealth equipment.”

Del took off the hood and shrugged. “Whatever. Hey, you do realize I’m technically older than you, right? I’m not a kid.”

“Wrong kind of older, kid. I only count actual age, not chronology.” The wrinkled man rolled his eyes at the Chairwoman and turned back to the control panel and quickly typed something in.

“Thanks for coming, anyway.” Del remarked unhelpfully.

“Oh, yeah, arguing with doors is my favorite hobby.” came the sarcastic reply. “Why didn’t you just get a droid to help you? Or a wookie with an AT-ST. Even some Mittchin… Oh, what I wouldn’t give for a pack of them right now...” He resumed his muttering and typed some more.

“NAHN! You’re right!” Del exclaimed, snapping her fingers. “I think there’s at least one more plot hole, just big enough…”

“For what?” the old man asked suspiciously, one eyebrow raised.

“Mittchen!” Del exclaimed gleefully. She was standing in just her pajamas, having taken off her bathrobe already… which she laid out on the ground in front of her. She then muttered something and shook the bathrobe, pulling it up with a dramatic snap like it was some sort of cheap stage trick.

Where the bathrobe had been, there were now a few dozen or so very small mice... with tufted tails, big ears, and stripes.

“There ya go, Ree.” The Chairwoman said, grinning as she put the bathrobe back on.

“How’d you manage that?” The old man said suspiciously, as if he thought the mice might be useless holograms.

“Oh, they count as your fan club. But you’re not an actual dictator in this story, so they’ll have to leave as soon as you do.”

“Just as long as I get to leave soon, that’s fine by me.”

Ree then knelt down by the Mittchen, speaking at them in an artificially-antiquated language.

The little creatures all nodded and ran for the cargo door, slipping in through a small gap under the corner.

After a few minutes, the control panel by the door beeped. Both Del and Ree looked at the screen to see the following message displayed:

“We’ve shorted out the locking mechanism, so you should be able to open the door now. We’ve also hacked the communications system and determined the locations of the prisoners. We’re working on the prison block security system, but haven’t finished with it. In the meantime, however, we’ve routed maps to every monitor in the place to show you how to get there.”

Ree glanced at Del as he moved to slide the cargo door open. “We’ll have to be careful, though, It won’t be long before someone notices.”

“Like now?” Del asked.

The door Ree was busy raising slid up to reveal several Kangaroos dressed like Storm Troopers, led by a Drag Queen carrying a semi-automatic paintball gun.

“NAHN!” Ree cursed G-ratedly upon seeing the Kangaroos.

“NOT FLUORESCENT PINK!” Del whined loudly, seeing the color of the paintballs.

She pulled down her hood and prepared to cast something that would create pyrotechnics. Ree pulled out a couple daggers.

One session of G-rated carnage later…

Del and Ree ran down the corridors of the back catacombs of Barnes & Noble, occasionally pausing to consult a viewscreen map.

“Thanks for chopping up that paintball gun.” Del remarked.

“Sorry I didn’t get it before your bathrobe got hit.” Ree replied.

“Yeah, I don’t think it’s normal paint… I’m gonna need some laquer thinner, I think. Oh, here we are!” Del pointed at a prominently-barred cell. “We’ve found… oh great.”

“There you are!” Sterling stopped singing to pretty much throw himself at the door. “Get me out! I’m too gorgeous to be locked up like this!”

Meanwhile, Ree was consulting a viewscreen and keypad nearby. “Hey, the Mittchen say they neutralized the door locks and shut off all the security cameras.” He continued talking while he typed on the keypad. “And now that they’re sure of our position, some of them are bringing you something.”

“What would they bring me?” Del wondered, trying the door handle and opening it suddenly so that Sterling almost fell forward.

“Hey, I can look at you now!” Sterling exclaimed, noticing that Del didn’t have her hood over her head. “Do you still need to be healed from that flu?”

“Oh.” Del said with a dismissive gesture. “That went away on its own. It was the thought that counted.”

Sterling grinned, noticing Del’s outfit. “That pink is SO you.” he remarked with a gesture towards a paintball splatter on her shoulder. “Hot.”

Del raised one eyebrow. “Riiiiiiiiight.” She exchanged looks with Ree and said: “So where are the others?”

“That way.” the old man replied, pointing.

Del started walking That Way, and Ree hung back a moment with a hand on Sterling’s robe. “Nahn, boy, that was a stupid line. By the way, though, she doesn’t know how to flirt.”

“I was just playing.” Sterling protested.

“Play-flirting confuses her even more.” Ree said with a roll to his eyes.

By the time they caught up with Del just a little way down the hall, she was being tackle-glomped by Amarikah in front of another open cell.

“...and Sterling wouldn’t stop singing, it was horrible!” Amarikah finished.

“Well, whose fault is that?” Del countered, then saw the two men catching up. “Oh, speak of the De- ...Professor. Oh, hey, ‘Mari, this is Duthon-Ree. He’s a bit of a professor too. I’m sure he could explain some practical uses of ChronoPhysics to you.”

“Not right now, I couldn’t.” Ree said. “Actually, never. Not in this world, anyway. I’m not intending to stay long enough. Let’s get the others so I can get out of here already.” He looked at another view screen. “Hang on a minute. The others are this way--” he pointed down the hall they were already in, then pointed at a nearby corridor leading off. “but the Mittchen say the Burglary Delegation is coming from that way.”

“Burglary Delegation? OH!” Del was only confused for a second, until she noticed about a half-dozen Mittchen come around a corner down the aforementioned corridor. They were dragging a small furry object wrapped in a bit of fleece.

“HELLO CENTRAL!” Del practically shrieked, running to where the Mittchen were and snatching up the small bear. The Mittchen scattered every which way, scurrying off to sneak back to where the rest of their group was. Del trotted back to the other people, grinning. She slipped her car’s mascot onto her shoulder just under the bathrobe.

“Okay, NOW we’ll go get the others.” Ree said with an air of studied patience, starting to walk in the prescribed direction. “They should be just a little farther down.”

Suddenly.

The Srolvic discovered that he was freed by the hand of Bosque. This was quite shock because a great deal of interesting events that could have occurred were suddenly ignored.

Suddenly.

The Srolvic discovered he was outside the fortress of their enemies along with Kexar, Maria del Bosque, the frozen remains of Pennomi, and Amarikah. Into this strange situation that was filled with confusion, plot holes, and a not-so-covert retaliation of can-canning drag queens the Srolvic found himself. They had come far from their humble beginnings in Provo. They had traveled to Canada, Salt Lake City, Antarctica, Maldives, India, Germany, alternate realities in Colorado, magical lands of New Zealand, Brazil, and so on.

But the Srolvic understood that the time had come to say goodbye. "Goodnight, the Srolvic," Kexar muttered. "Shut up," the Srolvic responded automatically.

Cheese would soon be arriving for the ultimate climax. "But!" announced The Srolvic, "I shall leave that part of the story to Amarikah to finish!" Amarikah swore in a completely G-rated fashion with edited for content words, that will not be repeated, at The Srolvic. Instead, The Srolvic felt the need to fill in a few plot holes.

"Kexar! Bring me a shovel!" The Srolvic called dramatically. But Kexar only eyed The Srolvic with disbelief. "Do I look like your servant? Go grab a shovel yourself." The Srolvic muttered at the lack of usefulness a sidekick was and left.

Suddenly.

The Srolvic returned with a shovel and set out to fill the plot holes. But got bored after a while and gave up. With dramatic flare, a door appeared and out walked Father Osiris Cossack and PErch.

"My children!" Father Osiris Cossack greeted magnanimously but was lost upon Amarikah's glaring at him. Suddenly. Lawyers appeared.

"Mr. Cossack! According to your claims of being the father of these individuals, we calculated that you owe over a million dollars in child support fees. We'd like to also discuss some issues of tax evasion and an unauthorized vacation to the magical land of New Zealand, the abuse of magical dolphins. Please come with us," one of the lawyers said.

As Father Osiris Cossack was dragged away it was reportedly heard that he shouted, "It was a joke! A joke! I don't even like kids!" But this all fell on deaf ears.

PErch discovered that he was freed from the control of Father Osiris Cossack. "At last! Free! Wait...you know what I need? I think it's time I visited the Free Republic of Scotland. I hear they have great Haggis."

Suddenly. A man that looked like Sean Connery appeared. "The day is mine, Trebeck!" he shouted at PErch. PErch was momentarily confused. "Not a fan of the ladies, are ya Trebeck?" PErch ignored the man and started off walking away from everyone in the general direction, he hoped, of Scotland. Alas, he was never heard from again. Except when he sent Christmas cards yearly to Sean Connery with the single phrase of "Anal Bum Cover" written on the back and a picture of can-canning drag queens on the front. Unfortunately, Sean Connery couldn't tell the difference between drag queens and women and tried feebly to get the numbers of the "women" on the front cover.

This left of The Srolvic's imaginations Kexar. "So, um..." The Srolvic began to say to the character from one of his stories.

"Yeah?" asked Kexar.

"Uh...Well, you owe me money so pay up and go home!" The Srolvic replied.

"Why?"

"Cause I have taxes!"

"Your mom has taxes!"

"Hey, that's my line!"

"Yeah, well. I'm outta here. My last wish on you is for your fans to appear." And Kexar was gone with the Tri-Crystals forever from the story.

"Huh...Is that supposed to happen?" asked The Srolvic to no one in particular. He suddenly realized that he was alone and without anyone from anything in his imagination. And that was when disaster struck.

The Srolvic took off his disguise.

Suddenly. Fan girls were *everywhere*

From Chile to Germany it was reported that all of its cities, towns, and villages were filled to the brim with girls crying out the name of The Srolvic, putting up Missing posters, and holding shows that displayed the not-so-great singing talents of the fan girls. Africa reported of fan girls wearing T-shirts of The Srolvic in different disguises set out to find him in every nook and cranny on the continent. The Middle East reported the same. All through out the world, countries reported of infinite numbers of rabid fan girls desperately forming a search party for The Beloved Srolvic.

Meanwhile, at the place where The Srolvic actually was, fan girls were pouring in from everywhere. A stand was erected with a podium. Choirs of girls had assembled along with girls that surrounded The Srolvic.

The Srolvic decided to face the music and meet his fan girls. "Fine, you can meet me!" he shouted. Suddenly. Fourteen girls stood around The Srolvic oggling and ooh-ing him.

From out of nowhere a woman dressed in a military uniform and wearing a monocle appeared on the backs of bovines that carried machetes and submachines in their mouths. CIDY rode alongside her. They marched onto the field and The Srolvic at last had an idea to get rid of the fan girls.

"Fan girls, hearken! If you love me, then you'll join the ranks of the bovine army! I shall join you and we will be together!" The girls wept with joy at hearing the command of their object of obsession and did so.

That is...until they discovered that The Srolvic had tricked them. Suddenly. The Srolvic was in disguise again. "Oh ho ho ho!" he laughed maniacally to himself. But, by the time the bovine army had stopped to rest it was 1918 and the fan girls were trapped (if only for a few minutes) in that time period.

"Well, I think I've finished off a few things," said The Srolvic to Amarikah. "I think I'll let you finish this story for good. Eh?"

"You know, I hate you right now," said Amarikah angrily.

Suddenly.

The Chosen One (sign of the quasi-cross made) appeared.

Kay

However, Tsukiyomi arrived at Ameratsu's lair. He rather resembled another character in TCTW, but the screenwriter didn't care to say who. After seeing the Goddess of Earth's Time again, Tsukiyomi, the God of Life discussed the matter of the dictators with Sterling. The redhead, who had been hired by the Director to screen-write To Conquer the World, came to an agreement with Tsukiyomi. The God of Life gave Sterling a passport to any reality he wished, and in return, Sterling agreed to a rather interesting deal.

Walking back to the set, where the camera tracks had just been laid out and the cameras were working on the 180 degree shots of The Srolvic's and Amarikah's last lines, Sterling found his boss. He declared for all of the set to hear, quoting the First Bubs, "This is the first and last straw! I'm out of here, you amateurs!" He then beat-boxed as he danced away from every single character in TCTW. Just before he seemed to disappear, Sterling called to the Chosen One, "You win."

It didn't matter that the Script was in pieces. He simply walked in a room, left it on a desk, walked out, and turned off the lights. How he could even know how to turn off the lights considering the Renaissance-level of technology that he was used to in Vinyadar was a plot hole in itself, and he went back home. There was a lot to clean up there. People still thought that they had him all figured out.