| A Fish's Tail Sequel to Death the Scarecrow and Me. Xerxes the Catfish King's adventures continue. | | by: | |
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| Item Size: 73 Additions
Created: 3:57pm on 03-03-2008
Modified: 10:39am on 04-09-2008 | |
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[Introduction]
This is the sequel to Death, the Scarecrow and Me.
Xerxes, now the High King of Fairy Tale Land is now blissfully married to Lockette who is soon to have a child.
But something is bothering the young king, Everywhere he looks he sees hate, bullying opprestion and fear. He seeks to change to creul medevil world of Fairy Tale Land into a modern day utopia.
But first Xerxes must learn what the modern world is like, so he decides to take a reserch trip to Comic Book Land.
While in Comic Book Land he meets a familer face, His old friend the Scarecrow!
But unfortunetly Scarecrow dose not remember Xerxes, for when he changed his identity in the last story he literely became reborn and remembers nothing about his former life...
Xerxes journey has only begun...
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 About addition #1: By: Twiga  Added: Tue, 03/4/2008 @ 10:30amSize: 1,188 Characters Once upon a time... There was a little kingdom called Fairy Tale Land.
It's current King was King Xerxes. Xerxes had a most curious feature, even though he was mostly human from the tips of his hair to the tips of his toes he had a tail growing out of his behind! Yes indeed he had a long catfish tail growing from his behind...
That tail was a mark of a curse (some say) Many believe it is becuase the King was bisexual and must where that beastly mark of sin for it.
Xerxes did admit he had a tail becuase of the preavious curse and he still had a tail becuase he knew he was bisexual but in the end he did not care! He simply veiwed as a tender keepsake of his adventures with Death and the Scarecrow.
One day Queen Lockette cuaght her husband gazing out the window
"Why are you looking out that window again?" Lockette asked
"I thought that if I made laws that premoted tolerance and good will people would do as they were told." Xerxes sighed "Insted I still see hate, crime and greed."
"Oh Dear Me." His Queen sighed "What can we do?"
About addition #2: By: Steve ~ Friction  Added: Wed, 03/5/2008 @ 8:14amSize: 1,242 Characters
"There is much that we can do," Xerxes said. "School programs, pre-school programs, after school programs, and then some programs for people who don't go to school."
"You think education is the key?"
"Yes, and posters in inns and stagecoaches. Also, all music halls will be required to emphasize good will and tolerance in their songs."
Lockette frowned. "Me thinks my husband is going too far with that last one. It will only anger the music hall owners and they are a rough crowd."
"Rough or not, I intend to see my country improved and the music hall owners will not stand in my way."
And so King Xerxes' massive program of public education was put in effect. There were few complaints except from the group Lockette predicted - the music hall owners. Soon songs of rebellion were heard in the music halls, songs that mocked the King and his "Goodness" programs.
Angry at the defiance of a few, King Xerxes ordered the music halls closed. Soldiers sealed the doors and nailed up notices announcing the music halls were closed. The music hall owners met secretly to decide what to do.
About addition #3: By: Twiga Added: Wed, 03/5/2008 @ 5:53pmSize: 490 Characters
Just then a cat tapped the king with her paw and said.
"If you please Sir. Maybe what you need to do is make this place more up-to-date."
"What do you mean?" Asked the king
"I come from comic book land." said the cat "Everything there is very modern."
"That sound like a good idea." Said Xerxes
About addition #4: By: Steve ~ Friction Added: Thu, 03/6/2008 @ 6:56amSize: 857 Characters
Just then a messenger dressed in red and yellow burst into the room. "Sire! The Queen has been kidnapped!"
"Oh my God!" Xerxes said. "How? When? I was just with her!"
The Captain of the Guards hurried in with a full report. He was wearing full armor. "Sire, it seems the kidnappers came in through the window-"
"But it's 5 stories up!" Xerexes exclaimed.
"I know, Sire, but we found scratches on the window. There were no traces on the ground below. They must have used a balloon or flying craft of some kind or else..."
"Or else what?"
"Or else they could fly themselves."
Xerxes frowned. "But no one can fly except some of the toons who live in Comic Book Land."
About addition #5: By: Twiga Added: Thu, 03/6/2008 @ 10:30amSize: 954 Characters
He let out one whistle and all the birds in the kingdom flew down to him
"My queen has been kidnapped! Find her and bring her back!" The birds all nodded and swiftly took flight
Than Xerxes let out anouther whistle and this time all the beasts of the forests appeared
Gray wolves and grizzly bears, Deer, Badgers, Foxes and Hares all came
"My furry friends!" Xerxes said "My queen has been kidnapped find the scoundrals who did this and there them to shreds!"
"The animals all nodded and swiftly ran
King Xerxes thought to himself
"That dose it, that dose it, As soon as I get Lockette back I'm taking a trip to Comic Book Land to find out how things should get done!
About addition #6: By: Steve ~ Friction Added: Fri, 03/7/2008 @ 7:17amSize: 1,562 Characters
Within hours the eagle who was head of the bird seach group flew down to confer with Xerxes. "My Lord, we know where Lockette has been taken. It's a stone fortress high on a mountain in Comic Book Land. It's guarded by a 1000 gargoyles. The walls of the castle are coated with glass so that no one can climb them. Inside the fortress are fire-breathing dragons. Several birds were scorched when they flew too close."
The bear who was head of the animal search group reported. "My Lord, we attempted to enter the stone fortress discovered by the birds. It was impossible. The walls are too thick. One of our chipmunks was eaten by a gargoyle."
"Thank you both," Xerxes said. "I'm sorry about the loss of the chipmunk. It wasn't Dale, was it?"
The bear frowned. "Sire, Dale is a toon chipmunk, not one of ours."
"Yes, you're right. I'm sorry. So much has happened today it's left me a little confused."
"I understand, Sire. What shall we do next?"
Xerxes scratched his chin. "You will report to the Captain of the Guards. He will be in charge of the Kingdom while I am gone."
"Gone, Sire? Where?"
"To Comic Book Land, but I will be in disguise and it must be kept secret. No one is to know except you and the Captain."
"Sire, it's too dangerous to go there alone. At least take some animals with you. You may well need their help."
About addition #7: By: Twiga Added: Fri, 03/7/2008 @ 10:28amSize: 362 Characters
"In Comic Book Land you can't simply have a bunch of animals follow you all the time, it's mostly and urban envioroment, large animals would look out of place there.'
The animals looked sad so Xerxes said
"Alright, a few of you birds can fly over and watch over me as I make my way."
About addition #8: By: Steve ~ Friction Added: Sat, 03/8/2008 @ 10:20amSize: 1,104 Characters
"Pick me! Pick me!" twittered Suzy Sparrow.
Xerxes smiled. "Okay, Suzy. You won't be too noticeable."
"How about me?" asked Patrick Pigeon. "There are thousands of pigeons in a mostly urban environment. I can get information from them and find out things."
"Good idea," Xerxes said. "And how about your brother Paul, too? He's a good messenger and I might need to get word back to the kingdom."
Paul fluttered down. "Sure! Count me in."
"I can do voices!" squawked Polly Parrot.
Xerxes held up his hands. "A FEW birds. Too many and I'll have a flock. That would attract attention. Nobody walks around with a flock of birds flying over his head."
"I could sit on your shoulder like a Pirate's Parrot," Polly said.
Xerxes rolled his eyes. "Oh sure, that wouldn't attract any attention. Let's just stick with a couple of pigeons and a sparrow. They'll blend right in to the city bird life."
About addition #9: By: Twiga Added: Sat, 03/8/2008 @ 11:04amSize: 739 Characters
Meanwhile Lockette was 'having a coversation' with her captor.
"Why? Why are you doing this?" She asked
"We have an Evil plan." Said the Mysterious cloaked person "If all goes well Xerxes will be a catfish again!"
"What will happan to me?" She asked
"I'm thinking of keeping you for my own wife," Said the person "Either that or turning you into a piglet."
"YOU FIEND!" Shrieked Lockette.
Meanwhile Xerxes was in the middle of a meadow on the edge of his kingdom he decided to rest here and continue in the morning
About addition #10: By: Steve ~ Friction Added: Sun, 03/9/2008 @ 8:40amSize: 1,779 Characters
In the back room of a certain inn in Fairy Tale Land the Music Hall Owners were holding a secret meeting. They all wore masks to disguise their identities.
"These masks are stupid. I recognize everybody by their voice."
"Oh, shut up, Bob. The masks protect us from the innkeeper's help and from any customers who might accidentally see us."
"Nonsense. The masks only draw attention to us."
A deep voice took over. "Quiet, everyone. This meeting is not about masks. Wear them. Don't wear them. It's your choice. Mabrey will now give his report."
A tall skinny man stood up. "As you know, our kidnapping was successful. We are now in a position to demand that the King return our music halls to us. However, there has been an unexpected turn of events. The King has left the country. We believe he is traveling to Comic Book Land in disguise."
"What? Why would he do that? How did he find out where Lockette was being held?"
"His command of the birds and animals gives him a few advantages. But unfortunately, there was no time before he left the Kingdom to get our messenger into the castle. So the King doesn't even know we're behind the kidnapping or what our demands are."
"What a screw-up! So we kidnapped Lockette for nothing?"
"No, I don't see it that way. We still have her. It's just that now we'll have to make a deal with him in Comic Book Land instead of here."
"But how do we find him if he's in disguise?"
"That's a problem, but somehow we'll solve it. I've hired a private detective to look for the King."
About addition #11: By: Twiga Added: Sun, 03/9/2008 @ 12:16pmSize: 558 Characters
His disguse was completly black, pants, black shirt, black scarf. It was winter in Gotham City and evereyone was enjoying the snow.
However in his haste Xerxes had overlooked one important aspect of himself simply becuase his people were used to it.
His catfish tail.
It stuck out of his behind like a sore thumb and everyone stared at it
"Maybe I should have worn a cloak." Xerxes murmured to himself
About addition #12: By: Steve ~ Friction Added: Mon, 03/10/2008 @ 8:48amSize: 1,940 Characters
The flash of a camera caught Xerxes by surprise. It was a newspaper reporter. Xerxes refused to answer any questions and hurried away. Several hours later he entered a small diner and ordered a piece of apple pie and a cup of coffee.
Looking around, he realized that many of the inhabitants of Gotham City were as strange as himself. A man with clown make-up was sitting at the counter. In a booth were two men who were obviously gangsters from the 1930's. They both wore hats. One of them even had a Tommy Gun in his lap.
Xerxes finished his pie and coffee. The waitress came over. "Would you like anything else?"
"No," Xerxes said. "Maybe some information. There's a stone fortress just outside of Gotham City..."
"Oh, you mean the Monster Museum. It's a popular tourist attraction."
"Really? I can just walk right in?"
"Well, only part of it is open to the public, but sure, you can walk in. I think there's an admission fee."
"Thanks for the information."
"You're welcome. Good luck on your journey, Blackfish."
Xerxes froze. "What did you say?"
The waitress frowned. "Aren't you Blackfish, the guy in the newspaper?"
"What are you talking about?"
The waitress handed him a newspaper. "Look on page 3."
Xerxes recognized the picture of himself. The caption was Mysterious Blackfish Haunts The Streets Of Gotham. That photo had just been taken a few blocks away that same day. How could they get it in the paper so fast? The pace of life in Gotham City was faster than he ever imagined. Suddenly he was homesick for his sleepy little kingdom. But without Lockette in his kingdom he could never be happy. He must find her.
About addition #13: By: Twiga Added: Mon, 03/10/2008 @ 10:28amSize: 565 Characters
He saw a snowy meadow there he checked his compass to make sure he was in the right direction.
Yes, he was definetly going in the right direction.
Meanwhile a truck was pulling in a barn. Two goons stepped out of the truck.
"What dose Mr. Scarecrow want all these chemcicals for?" Asked one goon
"I don't know." Said anouther goon "Said something 'bout scareing people"
About addition #14: By: Steve ~ Friction Added: Tue, 03/11/2008 @ 6:13amSize: 1,233 Characters
Xerxes stopped by the road to rest. He sat on a stump and admired the snowy fields. Suzy Sparrow flew down and landed beside him.
"What's the word, Suze?" Xerxes said.
Suzy cocked a bright eye at him. "Patrick and Paul have been questioning the Gotham pigeons. It seems this place is a hotbed of crime and intrigue."
"It's a big city," Xerxes said. "I guess they are all like that."
"There is a Mister Bigg that seems to have a lot of power here. He owns the Monster Museum. It has wax statues of all the famous monsters and also of some that aren't so famous, like The Wulliphant."
"I never heard of The Wulliphant."
"That's my point. It's not so famous."
"What about Lockette?" Xerxes said.
"No one has heard anything about her, but the part of the museum where they make the wax statues and other exhibits is off limits to the public. She's probably somewhere in there."
"Good. I know what I have to do then. Get into that part of the museum. Tell Patrick and Paul to meet me at the museum."
About addition #15: By: Twiga Added: Tue, 03/11/2008 @ 8:46amSize: 631 Characters
"It smells like... something... burning..."
He turned around to see a grain silo smoke seemed to come from an open door
"Either someone is a bad cook or... something really unsavory is happaning!"
Xerxes was torn between his mission to go to the wax museum and his burning curiosity
"Surely it won't hurt if I have one little peek." Xerxes whispered to himself
As Xerxes neared the grain silo, Jonathan Crane AKA the Scarecrow was watching!
About addition #16: By: Steve ~ Friction Added: Wed, 03/12/2008 @ 9:56amSize: 502 Characters
Patrick and Paul and Suzy perched next to each other on the roof of the Monster Museum.
"I thought you said Xerxes was on his way," Patrick said.
Suzy shrugged. "He was. I rhought he would be here an hour ago. Maybe something delayed him."
"Should we be worried?"
"I don't know. I guess it wouldn't hurt to check on him." Suzy stretched her wings. "You guys wait here and I'll go look for him."
About addition #17: By: Twiga Added: Wed, 03/12/2008 @ 10:27amSize: 610 Characters
'Who is this young man?' He thought 'with his curious tail-like appendage?'
Now This Scarecrow, this Jonathan Crane was indeed the same person Xerxes met when he was a prince and yet... he was not the same.
You see when the Scarecrow left behind his old idendity in the previous story he became reborn, reincarnated and forgot his past life.
Scarecrow no longer knew Xerxes but he felt a curios stirring in his bones he felt a curious stirring from within as if his body knew something his mind did not.
About addition #18: By: Steve ~ Friction Added: Thu, 03/13/2008 @ 10:28amSize: 273 Characters
Xerxes ran around the burning barn yelling, "Is anyone in there? Do you need any help?"
He stopped short when a tall familiar figure stepped out of the barn.
"Scarecrow!" Xerxes said. "What are you doing here?"
About addition #19: By: Twiga Added: Thu, 03/13/2008 @ 10:33amSize: 472 Characters
"Oh." Xerxes said "Oh I see."
Just than he saw his birds fluttering overhead chirping on cooing "Listen I'd love to stay and talk but my wife has been kidnapped and I must rescue her."
"Before Scarecrow could ask any further questions Xerxes was off
About addition #20: By: Steve ~ Friction Added: Fri, 03/14/2008 @ 9:21amSize: 2,264 Characters
Scarecrow watched Xerxes go. Who was that strange catfish man with the three birds over his head? And why did it tug at his memory so? Scarecrow not for the first time wondered about his old identity, the places he had been, the people he had known. What role had the catfish man played?
Xerxes resolved to find Scarecrow again after he found Lockette. After all, if he hadn't known Scarecrow then he would never have met Lockette in the first place. Did Scarecrow really lived in that old barn? Xerxes had the sinking feeling that when he returned Scarecrow would not be there.
Xerxes stopped on a hill when the Monster Museum came into sight. It was much bigger than he expected. The museum was a monster of stone, many stories tall and much bigger than his own castle. He sighed. His castle was the biggest building in Fairyland, but this Monster Museum could hold a hundred castles in its vast interior. Finding Lockette would not be easy. Although the birds would be a big help.
"Patrick, Paul, Suzy! Go see if you have any luck from the sky locating Lockette."
"Xerxes!" Lockette said. "Have you already forgotten about the fire breathing dragons that patrol the sky above the museum?"
"Oh, that's right," Xerxes said. "Okay, we'll just have to do it the hard way and go in the fromt door. You guys hide in my jacket and I'll buy a ticket."
Getting in was easy enough. Of course, Lockette wouldn't be in the public part of the museum, but maybe he could find a door into the hidden parts and make a search. The halls were relatively empty. Xerxes passed a few families gazing at the exhibits.
There was a busload of 5th graders in the Frankenstein Room. The exhibit there had a movable bed that you could ride up to the ceiling and get jolted with a small bolt of lightning. They were taking turns on the bed and laughing and hollering "It lives! It lives!" whenever the lightning zapped one of their schoolmates.
Xerxes made a note to come back to the Frankenstein Room after the kids left and ride the bed. Maybe there was a way into the maintenance areas up through the ceiling.
About addition #21: By: Twiga Added: Fri, 03/14/2008 @ 10:25amSize: 372 Characters
And still seeing Xerxes triggered something in him he could not explain. He had to follow him. Why? Well becuase.
Meanwhile the evil villain who held Lockette captive was watching Xerxes.
About addition #22: By: Steve ~ Friction Added: Sat, 03/15/2008 @ 6:00amSize: 802 Characters
Number 27 closed the peephole and thought. Probably Xerxes would be willing to pay twice as much to get Lockette released as the Music Hall Owners had paid to have her kidnapped. By doublecrossing them he could triple his income. That was satisfyingly evil. Bwahahaha!
Xerxes perked up his ears. Somewhere behind the walls he had distinctly heard the faint sound of an evil laugh.
About addition #23: By: Twiga Added: Sat, 03/15/2008 @ 10:53amSize: 1,011 Characters
It had moved its neck ever so slightly then as Xerxes was about to turn his head the Dinosaur skeleton open its mouth and released a beam of silver light!
Before Xerxes could think he had been completly been transformed back into a catfish!
"Oh no!" Cried Xerxes "This is almost as bad as Swan Princess 2: Escape from Castle Mountain! Only difference is this story actually has a plot!"
Meanwhile Scarecrow was hot on the trail of Xerxes but suddenly and without warning he bumped into one of the music hall owners!
"Watch where you're going!" Said the Music Hall Owner
"Who the hell do you think you are!?" Barked Scarecrow standing up
The music hall owner was afraid for he thought he was seeing a real Scarecrow come to life!
About addition #24: By: Steve ~ Friction Added: Sun, 03/16/2008 @ 5:27amSize: 2,462 Characters
"I'm Danny Ball," said the music hall owner.
"I see," said Scarecrow. "And just why are you in my way?"
"YOUR way? Why were you in MY way? It's a public museum. I have a right to be here. You crossed the centerline of the hallway and bumped into me." Danny Ball was becoming less afraid. So maybe a scarecrow could live. Is that so unusual?
"Centerline?" Scarecrow said. "What centerline? There is no centerline."
"Everything has a center line. I didn't mean like it was painted on the floor. It's conceptual. There is a middle of the road. There is a left side and a right side. You were on the wrong side."
Scarecrow shook his head. "I don't think so. If it was to be in a court of law, then you would lose."
"Are you threatening me with legal action?"
Scarecrow pushed the music hall owner's chest. "I'm just saying get out of my way. Enough of my time you've wasted already. Just get out of my way."
"Don't push me, you big bag of straw! I'll set you on fire! Huh? Huh?"
Scarecrow drew back. "Enough with the fire talk. Already I smell like smoke. I just came from a fire."
"I know. I smelled it on you. I was thinking: a scarecrow who smokes cigarettes? How irresponsible."
"No, I don't smoke nothing. Maybe a ham, but no cigarettes."
Danny Ball laughed. "A ham! That's good. Smoked ham. Haha! Myself, I don't eat it."
"So don't worry. I'm not offering any."
"Hahahaha! You're not a bad guy for a scarecrow."
"You're alright yourself. What did you say you do?"
"I'm a music hall owner."
"Music hall? You mean one of those places with the piano and the singing and the dancing girls?"
Danny grinned. "Sure! Sure! Here, I give you a free ticket" He pulled a ticket from his coat pocket. "You come by and enjoy yourself. I like you."
"Thanks!" Scarecrow said. "I'll do that!" Then Scarecrow heard the sound of a big fish flapping around on the floor of the next hallway. "What's that? Do you hear that?"
"It sounds like a big fish," Danny said.
About addition #25: By: Twiga Added: Sun, 03/16/2008 @ 11:35amSize: 286 Characters
"All right!" Said Danny "We got King Xerxes right where we want him!"
Scarecrow was just confused
About addition #26: By: Steve ~ Friction Added: Mon, 03/17/2008 @ 5:55amSize: 2,168 Characters
Xerxes yelled, "Sacrecrow! Help me!"
"But I don't know you," Scarecrow said. "You might be a spy for the Trolls."
"What do the Trolls have to do with it?" Xerxes said.
"I read in the newspaper they might be plotting to take over Comic Book Land and make us all their slaves."
"The newspaper? Did you see my picture in the afternoon edition?"
"No, I missed that. I was at a silo burning."
"Enough!" Danny Ball said. "Xerxes, I am a representative of the Associated Music Hall Owners of Fairy Tale Land. We are the ones who kidnapped Lockette. We want you to reopen the music halls or something very bad will happen to Lockette."
Xerxes mouth fell open. "You took Lockette? That was a stupid thing to do."
"So what. Closing down the music halls was a stupid thing for YOU to do!"
Xerxes' gills puffed in and out while he thought. "Was it stupid? I don't even know why I did it now. It's much more important to me to get Lockette back. Alright, if that's what it takes, then I will reopen the music halls."
"Good!" Danny said. "I thought you would see reason."
But suddenly they became aware of a fourth person who had entered the room, a dark and evil-looking person, Evil Villain Number 27! "Not so fast," Number 27 said. " I have Lockette so I'll set the price for her release."
"But that wasn't our deal," Danny said.
"You got what you wanted," Number 27 said. "The music halls are reopened. Now I'll get what I want."
Danny Ball looked at Xerxes and shrugged his shoulders as if to say, "I'm sorry. What can I do? This guy is holding Lockette. I guess he can call the shots."
Xerxes nodded. Danny's shoulder shrug had spoken volumes. It was up to Xerxes now to get Lockette back. But then, it always had been. Xerxes sighed. "Alright, Number 27. Name your price."
About addition #27: By: Twiga Added: Mon, 03/17/2008 @ 11:09amSize: 633 Characters
"Huh?" Said everyone else
"That's right I always wanted my own cartoon." 27 replied "I think I'll call it Quack,N,Pals"
"I think you'll be taken off the air faster than you can say Arreseted Development!" Said Scarecrow
"Very well" Said Xerxes "you shall have your own cartoon show."
Meanwhile Suzy Sparrow saw that the king had been turned into a Catfish
"I must tell the others!" She chirped
And off she flew
About addition #28: By: Steve ~ Friction Added: Tue, 03/18/2008 @ 7:55amSize: 1,266 Characters
Patrick and Paul Pigeon were admiring the museum's spacious snack room and pecking up some spilled popcorn when Suzy Sparrow flew in with her news. "Boys! Listen to this! There will be a new cartoon show on Saturday mornings!"
"Yayyy!" said Patrick. "It's about time! Those Johnny Quest reruns are giving me a headache and Blue's Clues makes me vomit!"
"Right, Bro!" said Paul. "What's the new show, Suzy?"
"Quack 'N Pals," Suzy chirped.
"Hmmmm... The title does not thrill me, but I will reserve judgement until I have seen the show."
"Oh, and I have other news," Suzy said.
"What? There's more?"
"King Xerxes has been turned into a total catfish."
Patrick gasped. "Total!? It's not just a little tail and a fishy smell?"
"No," Suzy said. "This is total. He's all fish now. You should see his eyes. Ewww!"
"I don't care," Paul said. "He's still our king and I will follow him anywhere."
Paul made a face. "You might have to follow him into the lake. Can you swim?"
About addition #29: By: Twiga Added: Tue, 03/18/2008 @ 11:49amSize: 616 Characters
Theme Song Guy: Who's that crazy Duck distroying the world? It's Quack...
Quack: That's me!
Theme Song Guy: It's Quack N Pals!
Number 27: Quack, Did you forget our anniversiry again?
Quack: I've been too busy distroying the world (Canned luaghter) I've sluaghtered millions! (Canned luaghter again)
Number 27: That's my Quack!
And now back too our show...
After briefly glimpsing at the new Quack N Pals show Scarecrow and Xerxes thought
'WTF?'
About addition #30: By: Steve ~ Friction Added: Wed, 03/19/2008 @ 7:14amSize: 1,130 Characters
"What is this crap?" Scarecrow said. "You expect people to watch that?"
"That's just the pilot," Number 27 said. "It gets better. Here, watch this scene from Episode One: Love Jumps In."
Theme Song Guy: Who's the crazy duck...
Quack: That's me!
TSG: It's Quack 'N Pals! Featuring Evil Villain Number 27 and Quack the Crazy Duck!
Number 27: Give me a kiss, Quack.
Quack: Never, you retard! Your breath smells like bog water!
Number 27: Boo hoo hoo! Nobody loves me!
Naked boy with bow and arrow: Hi, everybody! I'm Cupid. I'm gonna shoot you full of love.
Quack: Ow! Ow! Ow! Somebody pull this arrow out of my eye!
Number 27: You know what they say, Quack -- Love is blind!
[Canned laughter]
"Well?" Number 27 said. "What do you think?"
Scarecrow's eyes were wide open. "Okaayyyyyy... Uh... I hope it does well. Shouldn't Cupid wear a loincloth or something?"
About addition #31: By: Twiga Added: Wed, 03/19/2008 @ 12:05pmSize: 376 Characters
"Cold day in Hell that happans" Said Scarecrow
"My WIFE!" Pipped up Xerxes
"Oh her. Right" Said Number 27 "She's in the Bone Tower. Just take the staircase on the left."
About addition #32: By: Steve ~ Friction Added: Thu, 03/20/2008 @ 11:31amSize: 1,959 Characters
Xerxes ran, well he wanted to run but had to flop along like the big fish he currently was, up the stairs of the Bone Tower and flopped into the room at the top of the stairs. Where was Lockette?
The room was empty. He was sure Lockette had been there because he smelled her perfume. "Lockette!" he called, but no answer. Then he saw the note on the bed.
"Xerxes," the note said. "I have taken Lockette for ransom. I knew that wimp 27 would never go through with his plot, so now I have Lockette and you can have her back in return for the three most beautiful maidens in Fairy Tale Land." The note was signed: Your new enemy, Evil Villain Number 17.
Xerxes flopped back down the stairs and showed the note to Scarecrow and Number 27.
"Uh oh," Number 27 said. "Number 17 is way more evil than me. I mean, he makes me look like Saint Patrick. He is so evil that even I shudder when he walks into the room."
"But he has Lockette!" Xerxes wailed.
Number 27 shrugged. "Yeah, that's a tough break."
Scarecrow put his arm on Xerxes shoulder. "Don't worry, my new friend. I want to help you find your wife. Two heads are better than one. Lockette and Number 17 can't be far away, can they?"
"Actually you're a very old friend," Xerxes said, "and I welcome your help. What about it, 27? Any ideas where they might be?"
27 shrugged again. "Not really. But you could just give Number 17 the three beautiful maidens from your kingdom, couldn't you?"
"If I have to I might do that, but we're right here so close behind them. Come on, Scarecrow. Let's get on the trail. Maybe we can follow the smell of Lockette's perfume."
"Don't you want to lose that fish body you're wearing?" Scarecrow said.
About addition #33: By: Twiga Added: Thu, 03/20/2008 @ 11:40amSize: 368 Characters
Than Xerxes got a bright idea
"Is there a river nearby?" He asked
"Just outside why?" Asked Scarecrow
"I have a plan to use this fish body to my advantage" The Fish King said
About addition #34: By: Steve ~ Friction Added: Fri, 03/21/2008 @ 9:50amSize: 666 Characters
Xerxes flopped into the river as Scarecrow watched from the bank.
"I don't get it," Scarecrow said. "How is this going to help?"
"I can't tell you," Xerxes said, "Because if you get captured by the evil villain's henchmen you might spill the beans."
"I don't even like beans."
"You know what I mean," Xerxes said. "What you don't know can't hurt you if you are captured."
"But my feelings are hurt," Screcrow said. "Can't you at least give me a hint? How can I help you if I don't know what you're going to do?"
About addition #35: By: Twiga Added: Fri, 03/21/2008 @ 11:35amSize: 347 Characters
"I see" Said Scarecrow "So what dose this mean?"
"Let's just say I indend to take Lockette East of the Sun and West of the Moon." Xerxes said with a smile
About addition #36: By: Steve ~ Friction Added: Sat, 03/22/2008 @ 5:44amSize: 928 Characters
"I'm worried about you," Sacrecrow said. "You're starting to think like a fish."
"How do they think?"
"Very poorly. You know I want to help you and all you do is give me riddles."
Xerxes flapped his tail in the water and splashed some water on Scarecrow. "So maybe you're the one thinking poorly if my words sound like riddles to you."
"Oh, no, they're riddles all right," Scarecrow said. "But if you want to be mysterious I'll just have to deal with it. Do what you have to do. I'll search for Lockette on land while you search by water."
"I'm glad you understand!" Xerxes yelled and with a loud splash of his tail he was into the current and gone.
Scarecrow watched the river for awhile then shook his head sadly and muttered, "Crazy fool!"
About addition #37: By: Twiga Added: Sat, 03/22/2008 @ 11:02amSize: 1,293 Characters
"What is it about him that inspires such queer feelings in me?" Scarecrow asked himself
Xerxes headed downstream until he heard the sound of music, he poked his head out of the water to see a lot of people drinking and prancing around like idiots they were singing a song
"Beastiality sure is a fun thing to do
but let me say this to say as a warning to you
With almost all animals you can have a ball
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all!"
"WTF?!" Thought Xerxes
The song continued
"The spines one their back are too sharp for a man
They'll give you a pain in the worst place they can
The result I'm sure you will find appal
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all"
"I'm getting out of here!" Xerxes said swimming away as fast as he could as the song contiued
"You can roger a skunk if you can stand the smell
The oyster too should he let go of his shell
A troll can be rocky if down should you fall
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all!"
Xerxes was long gone
About addition #38: By: Steve ~ Friction Added: Sun, 03/23/2008 @ 7:42amSize: 749 Characters
Scarecrow continued on down the dirt road until he came to a crossroads where an old crone had set up a fruit stand. She had a basket of apples and a basket of pomegranates.
"How much for an apple?" Scarecrow said.
"One penny, kind sir."
Scarecrow asked a few questions as he munched on the apple and soon found out that the old woman had seen a fine coach come hurrying by that same day. It was the kind of coach that evil villains preferred, black with tinted windows. "Which way did it go?" Scarecrow said and the old woman pointed east.
Scarecrow tossed his apple core into the weeds and headed off down the eastern road.
About addition #39: By: Twiga Added: Sun, 03/23/2008 @ 12:18pmSize: 797 Characters
"... A fish is refreashing although a bit wet
A cat or a dog can be more than a pet.
Even a giraffe (Despite being so tall)
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all..."
"What the hell?!" Murmured scarecrow He looked over the garden wall and saw what he coulden't beleive
An animal shagging party!
"This is horrifying!" Scarecrow said as he saw people preforming unspeakable acts with all sorts of animals
Scarecrow could think of only one thing to do.
He took one of his fear gas capsules and through it into the party...
About addition #40: By: Steve ~ Friction Added: Mon, 03/24/2008 @ 9:00amSize: 1,363 Characters
The effect was immediate - screams and panic. Scarecrow chuckled as the humans and animals ran every which way, bumping into each other and falling down and then jumping up to run off again. Soon, the garden was empty except for the scattered articles of clothing and assorted trash left behind.
A glint of sunlight caught Scarecrow's eye. He walked into the garden and bent over to pick up the source of the glint, a diamond ring! He tried it on his finger and it fit perfectly. I like it, he thought. And a few feet away he discovered an old top hat, the kind magicians pull rabbits out of. Scarecrow plopped it on his head. Now if he only had a cane. Sure, enough, there was an abandoned cane, a beauty with a handle carved like a dragon.
Scarecrow went walking off down the Eastern Road, a top hat on his head, a cane in his hand, and a sparkling ring on his finger.
In the river Xerxes had come to a wooden boat dock. There was a paddleboat tied to the dock, the kind of boat where two people sit and pedal it like a bicycle. It was decorated with painted swans and had a canopy to keep off the sun.
Xerxes looked around and saw no one, but there was a wisp of smoke rising from the trees. Someone's campfire, perhaps? Xerxes flopped out of the water and slid quietly through the bushes.
About addition #41: By: Twiga Added: Mon, 03/24/2008 @ 3:26pmSize: 221 Characters
Xerxes had done what very few characters had done! He actually broke the 4th wall and discovered the authors of his story!
About addition #42: By: Steve ~ Friction Added: Tue, 03/25/2008 @ 10:33amSize: 1,916 Characters
Steve noticed Xerxes first. "Omigod! What are you doing here?"
Xerxes was immediately embarrassed and didn't know what to say. "Uh... um... I'm sorry. I saw the smoke..."
"It's alright," Twiga said. "I'm on vacation so I can tolerate a little bizarre behavior. You're forgiven. But you must NEVER do this again!"
"I won't!" Xerxes said, blushing from head to tail. "I really won't! I am so sorry!"
"That's okay," Steve said, writing his words on a yellow legal pad he had propped on his knee. "These things happen. But get back out there and find you-know-who."
"Who?"
"Lockette! Your wife!"
"Oh, yeah. Right! I really love her, you know?"
"Of course I know," Steve said. "Now just get back in the river and swim, fish, swim."
Xerxes hesitated. "Um... just one little tiny thing..."
"What?" said Steve.
"This fish body... It's really awkward. Can I have my human body back?"
Steve frowned. "Don't try to change the plot, Xerxes. It's not your job. That's for me and Twiga to decide."
"I'm sorry."
"But I'll give you a hint. If you see an oyster on the bottom of the river, open it up and swallow the pearl. Pearls make you change."
"Thanks!" Xerxes said. "Thank you so much! I'll remember!" And he slid back through the bushes and flopped into the river with a big splash.
"If he's a fish," Twiga said, "how did he manage to stay on land so long breathing air while he was talking to us?"
"Good point," Steve said. "I'll make a note for the final edit."
About addition #43: By: Twiga Added: Tue, 03/25/2008 @ 11:59amSize: 345 Characters
He search the river floor but found no oysters.
Meanwhile Scarecrow saw a sign on the entrence to a national park.
It said 'Catfish Season Open'
"Oh Shoot" Said Scarecrow
About addition #44: By: Steve ~ Friction Added: Wed, 03/26/2008 @ 8:31amSize: 1,727 Characters
Scarecrow followed the Eastern Road into the National Park and there was the sleek black coach with the tinted windows parked near the lake. Scarecrow got sneaky and slipped through the trees to get a closer look.
An evil-looking man stood near the trunk of the coach putting together a fishing rod and humming to himself. He was a big man, at least 300 pounds, with a pale doughy face, and his eyes were like two little pieces of black shiny coal.
That's probably Evil Villain Number 17, Scarecrow thought, so Lockette must be in the coach. I'll wait until he goes out on the dock to fish, then I'll check the coach.
Meanwhile, Xerxes was swimming down the river and he suddenly caught a whiff of Lockette's perfume as he passed the National Park. Hmmm, he thought, I wish I had a pearl. He swam near the dock and looking up through the water he saw a fat man fishing.
Xerxes stuck his head out of the water. "Hey, Fat Man! Have you seen a beautiful woman with a tiara on her head?"
Evil Villain Number 17 looked down at the talking fish. "Where's my three beautiful maidens, Xerxes?"
Xerxes gasped. "YOU are Evil Villain Number 17?"
"That's right, boy. By the way, how much do you weigh? It's catfish season, you know, and you look like a trophy fish to me."
Xerxes almost flopped out of the water right then and there but he realized he would be at a severe disadvantage. He dove back into the river and frantically searched for an oyster. Damn it, he thought. Lockette is so close and yet I have no chance against Number 17 if I have to flop around like a fish.
About addition #45: By: Twiga Added: Wed, 03/26/2008 @ 11:39amSize: 291 Characters
Scarecrow meanwhile took a knife he had, snuck up on 17 and then pressed his dagger into the back of 17's neck threatnigly
"You will release the young woman or face certain Death!" Said Scarecrow
About addition #46: By: Steve ~ Friction Added: Thu, 03/27/2008 @ 5:12amSize: 670 Characters
"Certainly," Number 17 said. "She's in the coach."
They walked over to the coach, Scarecrow carefully holding the knife to Number 17's neck, but when they reached the coach Number 17 whirled around and knocked the knife out of Scarecrow's hand. Suddenly Scarecrow was looking at the barrel of a gun.
"Get in the coach," Number 17 said, motioning with his pistol, "and don't try anymore tricks."
From the riverbank an exhausted Xerxes watched the scene unfold. "Oh crap! Now both Lockette and Scarecrow are owned by Number 17. If I only had a pearl! All my kingdom for a pearl!"
About addition #47: By: Twiga Added: Thu, 03/27/2008 @ 12:57pmSize: 484 Characters
The gas exploded into 17's brain and right away he started hallucenating!
17 saw giant ducks! Giant ducks with sharp teeth and claws!
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Screamed 17
He jumped out of the coach and scarecrow sneered
"Noone bests the Scarecrow @$$hole"
About addition #48: By: Steve ~ Friction Added: Fri, 03/28/2008 @ 10:27amSize: 1,307 Characters
Scarecrow leaped up onto the driver's seat and cracked the whip. The coach's horses sprung into action and the coach pulled away in a cloud of dust and pebbles. Scarecrow looked back over his shoulder to see Number 17 running in circles trying to fend off imaginary giant ducks.
"Lockette!" Scarecrow called out. "Are you alright in there?"
But there was no answer. She must be gagged, Scarecrow thought. After a few minutes he pulled the horses to a stop and looked inside the coach. There she was, tied up and gagged. "Boy, is Xerxes going to be happy to see this!" thought Scarecrow.
Meanwhile, back at the National Park, Xerxes had noticed something - Evil Villain Number 17 was wearing a pearl tie pin. Could it work?
Xerxes flopped out of the river and followed the hysterical villain. It was hard to keep up because Number 17 was running and screaming, but when Number 17 made a sudden turn Xerxes was able to jump up and snatch the pearl tie pin and swallow it.
Immediately Xerxes popped into human shape. Thank God! He went running off down the road after the coach.
Evil Villain Number 17 screamed, "The ducks! The ducks!" and jumped into the river.
About addition #49: By: Twiga Added: Fri, 03/28/2008 @ 11:45amSize: 227 Characters
Scarecrow brought Lockette back and when she and Xerxes saw each other they embraced and kissed.
When they stopped kissing Scarecrow was gone.
About addition #50: By: Steve ~ Friction Added: Sat, 03/29/2008 @ 5:59amSize: 1,052 Characters
"I'm sorry you got kidnapped," Xerxes said. "How are you feeling?"
"Much better now, darling, but why did they want to kidnap me?"
"I'm afraid it's my fault. I made the Music Hall Owners angry with my new laws and they retaliated."
"Didn't I tell you it would make them angry?"
"I know, I know. I should have listened to you. I can't believe all the trouble it caused."
Xerxes put his hand up to the sky. "Suzy! Patrick! Paul!"
His three bird friends fluttered down. "Paul," Xerxes said. "I want you to fly back to the kingdom and tell them all is well. I have found Lockette. And tell the Captain of the Guards that I am reopening the music Halls."
Paul zoomed away, wings flapping.
"What a cute little sparrow!" Lockette said and Suzy cocked her head and grinned. "Xerxes, if our child is a girl let's name her Susan."
About addition #51: By: Twiga Added: Sat, 03/29/2008 @ 7:06pmSize: 134 Characters
Sweet Transvestites from Transexual Translyvania!
About addition #52: By: Steve ~ Friction Added: Sun, 03/30/2008 @ 6:55amSize: 645 Characters
The Prime Minister of Fairy Tale Land, Little Jack Horner, greeted the transvestites in the Grand Meeting Room of the castle.
"Nice room!" said Kelly Switchbottom, the leader of the transvestite delegation.
"Thank you," said Little Jack. "I'm sorry King Xerxes is not here to greet you but he had to go rescue his kidnapped wife. However, I have received word from his pigeon messenger that he was successful and he will be back tomorrow. Meanwhile, have some more donuts."
"Thank you. These are delicious!" Kelly said, and reached for another chocolate donut.
About addition #53: By: Twiga Added: Sun, 03/30/2008 @ 3:15pmSize: 639 Characters
"Citezens of Fairy Tale Land. Thank you for your warm welcome! There is a reason for us being here."
"And that is?" Asked Little Jack
"A few years ago we transvestite were trying to make and athrodisiac potion. After many failures we suceeded but than something happaned. The potion developed a mind of its own and escaped the lab. No it travels in the form of a wandering fog bank making anyone who brethes it in horny as hell!"
"So you've been trying to capture the potion?" Asked Little Jack
About addition #54: By: Steve ~ Friction Added: Mon, 03/31/2008 @ 3:21amSize: 1,678 Characters
"We started out trying to capture the potion, but we found it was more interesting to visit with the people over which the fog bank had passed."
"Because they were horny as hell?"
"Exactly!" Kelly said. "We've been on the trail of that fog bank for seven years now and I don't think we'll ever catch up with it, but we've had some really good times along the way."
"It makes sense to me," said Little Jack, "but I don't understand why you've come here to Fairy Tale Land. As far as I know there has been no aphrodisiac fog banks passing through here."
"Something odd happened," Kelly said. "The fog bank has mutated into a rainbow."
"We had a rainbow this afternoon."
"I know," Kelly said. "That's why we're here. And even odder, the rainbow makes people horny for gay sex instead of straight."
"Well, don't look at me," Little Jack said. "I didn't look at the rainbow, I just heard on the weather channel that there was one."
Kelly laughed. "Oh, you don't need to worry. You see, the Fairy Tale Academy football team was out on the field this afternoon having Spring practice and THEY saw the rainbow. We've invited them all to a party on our spaceship tonight."
"So really you don't care whether you meet King Xerxes or not."
"Oh, we still want to meet him tomotrrow, but not too early. We'll be sleeping late. And as for tonight - if the spaceship is a-rocking then don't come a-knocking."
About addition #55: By: Twiga Added: Mon, 03/31/2008 @ 12:21pmSize: 129 Characters
Meanwhile a bunch of farm animals glanced at the Rainbow...
About addition #56: By: Steve ~ Friction Added: Tue, 04/1/2008 @ 8:21amSize: 607 Characters
"Oh, look," said Petunia Pig. "A rainbow!"
"It's beautiful," said Patty Pig, "But not as beautiful as your eyes."
Petunia stared at her old friend Patty. "My eyes? Hmmm.... Let's roll in the mud a little."
"OK," Patty said and her heart leaped with a strange new excitement that she didn't really understand. She had rolled in the mud with Petunia a thousand times and yet today seemed different. Today it was special. She tingled all over.
The Rainbow smiled and moved on to the next farm.
About addition #57: By: Twiga Added: Tue, 04/1/2008 @ 10:26amSize: 284 Characters
"Look! A rainbow! " Said Gary
Meanwhile Xerxes was returning with Lockette
"I hope nothing bad has been happaning while I was away." He said
About addition #58: By: Steve ~ Friction Added: Wed, 04/2/2008 @ 5:02amSize: 1,299 Characters
Xerxes and Little Jack Horner met in the Situation Room, a reinforced bunker in the basement of the castle. A single naked light bulb hung over the table.
The Prime Minister's face was grim. "Your majesty," he said. "A spaceship full of transvestites has landed."
Xerxes burst out laughing. "Is that all you're worried about? Good Heavens, man! Haven't you ever seen a transvestite before?"
Little Jack was taken aback. "Sire! That's hardly the point. Of course I've seen a transvestite. But this is a spaceship, an entire SPACESHIP, and it's filled to the brim with transvestites. LOTS of transvestites. Not just one."
Xerxes sighed. "Very well, Little Jack. Call an emergency meeting of the Council of Elders. I'll listen to what my advisors have to say. Meanwhile, I'm going to have a bowl of hot tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich. It's been a long journey getting back to the castle and I'm tired and hungry."
"Yes, sire. I will call the meeting."
About addition #59: By: Twiga Added: Wed, 04/2/2008 @ 10:46amSize: 401 Characters
"Sire." Said the eldest elder "These are no ordanary transvestites. They are sweet transvestites from Transexual Transylvainia!"
"Care to explain what that means" Xerxes responded
"It means they're sex maniacs!" Said the Elder "And they want to make the whole world as horny as they are!"
About addition #60: By: Steve ~ Friction Added: Thu, 04/3/2008 @ 7:21amSize: 1,145 Characters
One of the elders gasped. "Who gasped?" Xerxes said. "Oh, it was just you, Horatio, the least horny of us all."
"Yes, my Lord," Horatio said. "It flabbergasted me to think I might become that horny. Where can I meet one of those spaceship transvestites?"
"Calm down, Horatio. We have a serious problem here. A country full of horny people is a country full of people who are not working and doing their jobs. The economy would collapse."
"May I suggest, Sire," said the Eldest Elder, that we kill all the transvestites and burn their spaceship?"
"Shame on you, EE! You always propose the most extreme, harsh measures. You said the same thing when grades were slipping in Fairy Tale Land schools - kill all the teachers and burn down the schools."
"It would have worked, Sire."
"It's not enough that something works. It has to be acceptable to the public. Otherwise we'll have a revolt."
"Very well, Sire. I've offered my idea. That's all I can do."
About addition #61: By: Twiga Added: Thu, 04/3/2008 @ 10:28amSize: 88 Characters
About addition #62: By: Steve ~ Friction Added: Fri, 04/4/2008 @ 9:41amSize: 1,480 Characters
The Youngest Elder rolled his eyes. "Is that even possible? I've never heard of such a thing."
"Anything is possible in Fairy Tale Land," Xerxes said. "Summon my three best wizards to this meeting. We'll see what they can come up with. Meanwhile, I declare a short recess for lunch."
In the lunch room EE and YE shared a table and a big bowl of chili. "What do you think of Xerxes idea?" EE said.
"I think it's totally unlikely," said the Youngest Elder. "You can't take a spaceship full of horny sweet transvestites and just dehornify them. For one thing, who knows what the side effects would be?"
"Side effects?"
"Everything has side effects. The Universe is one complete whole. Change one part of it and there are changes that appear in other places."
"That sounds like a cool philosophy but if I believed it then I could never change ANYTHING without being scared I was going to accidentally change something else. Anyway the Universe is all about change. Change is going on all the time. Everything changes."
"And things are becoming more screwed up because of it. Can you deny it?"
The Eldest Elder licked the last bit of chili off a big silver lunchroom spoon that was engraved with the King Xerxes monogram. "Hmmm... Maybe you have a point there."
About addition #63: By: Twiga Added: Fri, 04/4/2008 @ 10:31amSize: 423 Characters
"Ear of a mouse
Eye of a cat
Beak of a grouse
Tail of a rat!"
A large cloud of smoke burst and the tree wizards chanted
"Earth,Fire,Water,Air
Spirits come from Over There!"
"Hey! You Three!" Xerxes called "I need something of you! Do have a minute?"
About addition #64: By: Steve ~ Friction Added: Sat, 04/5/2008 @ 9:32amSize: 1,501 Characters
"Not now!" yelled Gandolfus. "We're conjuring!"
"But this is important," Xerxes said.
"Is it more important than fighting the latest battle in the eternal war of the forces of infinite evil versus the forces of infinite good?"
"Maybe not, but that war is forever. You can always go back to it after you're done with my problem."
"Oh fine," Gandolfus said. "What's your problem then?"
After hearing a lengthy explanation from Xerxes about the spaceship full of sweet transvestites, the Three Wizards consulted among themselves.
"What do you think?" Gandolfus said.
"I don't know," replied Alloowishus. "Dehornification? Do we really want to get into that kind of work? It seems a bit beneath us."
Pelloponeesia spoke up. "Nonsense! Nothing is beneath us. Wizards are trained to do all kinds of magic, even the most common, ordinary, or dirty magic."
"Ha!" said Alloowishus. "Maybe YOU were trained that way, but I went to High Mountain Valley Academy of Magical Arts. We certainly didn't study dirty magic. Where did you get your diploma? On the internet?"
Gandolfus raised his hands. "Okay, let's not get into another 'who's school was best' discussion. We're here, we're wizards. and we have to decide what to do."
About addition #65: By: Twiga Added: Sat, 04/5/2008 @ 11:21amSize: 636 Characters
"Fire of the Soul
Tears of the Eye
Fur of the Mole
Clouds of the Sky"
Several ghosts flew up as the potion jelled
"This potion is an anti-athrodisiac" The three wizards said together
Meanwhile before we forget about Scarecrow he was still in Gotham on his way to one of his lairs (Of which he had multiple)
When all of a sudden he was confronted by Batman!
"I see you've been up too your old tricks" Batman said "There's fear gas everywhere."
About addition #66: By: Steve ~ Friction Added: Sun, 04/6/2008 @ 11:54amSize: 1,071 Characters
Scarecrow stared at Batman. "So?"
Batman shrugged. "I'm just saying. I smell fear gas everywhere. You've been a busy little beaver."
"I don't see where it's any of your business," Scarecrow said with a facial expression that was way short of friendly.
Batman picked at some lint on his cape. "I don't like the smell of fear gas."
"So?"
"So Gotham will be a nicer more pleasant place if I don't smell any more fear gas."
"Are you threatening me?" Scarecrow said.
"I don't threaten," Batman said. "I swoop down out of the night and take action. Sometimes I pity the fool and give him a warning. Sometimes the fool listens and takes heed. Sometimes the fool doesn't... and then I swoop."
"You can go swoop yourself, Batman. I've got things to do." And Scarecrow walked on down the dark street, careful not to go directly to his lair in case Batman was following him.
About addition #67: By: Twiga Added: Sun, 04/6/2008 @ 12:27pmSize: 208 Characters
About addition #68: By: Steve ~ Friction Added: Mon, 04/7/2008 @ 7:26amSize: 1,411 Characters
Xerxes stood looking at the cauldron of green jelly that the Three Wizards had concocted. "So now we've got 10 gallons of jellied anti-aphrodisiac. How do we get this into the Sweet Space Transvestites?"
The three Wizards looked at each other. "Perhaps a party, Sire..." volunteered Pelloponnesia. "Cut this into cubes, put a little whipped cream on it, and pass it off as lime Jello."
"Ew, I hate lime Jello," muttered Alloowishus.
Pellopneesia kicked him in the shin. "You don't have to eat it."
Xerxes scratched his chin. "A party, eh? Yes, that should appeal to a spaceship full of sweet transvestites from Transexual Transylvania. I've heard they like to party."
"It was an honor to help you, Sire," Gandolfus said and made a deep bow. "Now if you will excuse us, we must be-"
"But what about the party?"
"We don't do parties, Sire, just potions, but I can recommend Madam Fifi the Party Queen. She's a great hostess and party thrower."
"Thanks, I'll get her for the job," Xerxes said. "Does this kettle of aphrodisiac need to be refrigerated?"
"Not at first, Sire, but if you see anything wriggling in it, you should use it up immediately before it spoils."
About addition #69: By: Twiga Added: Mon, 04/7/2008 @ 10:33amSize: 233 Characters
"Say.... What's coonkin' Good Lookin?" Kelly purred
"Madam I'll have you know I'm married." Lockette said
About addition #70: By: Steve ~ Friction Added: Tue, 04/8/2008 @ 4:16amSize: 517 Characters
"Of course you are," Kelly said. "How could a sweet babe like you not be married? Don't tell me you're willing to be stuck with the old man every night."
Lockette drew herself up. "The old man, as you call him, is the King and he's not old at all. You should be so lucky to have him for a bed partner."
"How do you know I haven't?" Kelly said with an evil grin and a wink.
"You're disgusting," Lockette said and strode away.
About addition #71: By: Twiga Added: Tue, 04/8/2008 @ 10:15amSize: 117 Characters
'Party at the Castle' it read 'Every eligible transvestite is to attend'
About addition #72: By: Steve ~ Friction Added: Wed, 04/9/2008 @ 6:30amSize: 1,153 Characters
Kelly was overjoyed. Party! Parrrr-tayyyy! She rushed back to the spaceship to tell her sweet transvestite companions.
In the grand ballroom of the castle Madame Fifi was walking around with a clipboard. "More glitter!" she screamed. "This is going to be a king-sized party!"
One of her assistants, Murray, ran over. "Madame Fifi! Madame Fifi! The King is insisting we serve an awful lime Jello! Lime Jello at a Madame Fifi party? Oh, the humiliation!"
"Shut up, idiot!" Madame Fifi said and slapped Murray on the forehead. "The lime Jello is essential. How dare you question the King's wishes?"
Murray bowed low and backed away. "I'm sorry, Madame Fifi! I'm sorry! I will do it."
Madame Fifi pointed with her clipboard. "More glitter! You over there! Betty what's-your-name! What part of 'more glitter' do you not understand?"
Betty curtsied. "Yes, Mum! Right away, Mum!"
Madame Fifi smiled. She was the best partymaster in the kingdom. King Xerxes would not be disappointed.
About addition #73: By: Twiga Added: Wed, 04/9/2008 @ 10:39amSize: 516 Characters
By the time the party was done the Transvestites had changed no longer were they a bunch of hip young people now the were middle-aged and stodgey.
"Fiend!" Cried Kelly "You tricked us!"
"You seeled your own fates" Xerxes replied "By being so hyperly oversexed."
The End!
© Copyright 2008 Twiga, Steve ~ Friction, (known as GROUP). All rights
reserved. GROUP has granted Writing.Com, its affiliates
and its syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work.
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