Ghost Shouters - Writing.Com

Black Widow? Here's Blue Scorpion
Agent McDougal teams up with a rogue vigilante “Blue Scorpion”.

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[Introduction] NEW WRITER wanted only if you visit WDC daily and make an addition as soon as your turn comes up...

STEVE: It's been pretty quiet this Spring.

NIC: Yeah. Nothing since that big Henderson job last month.

STEVE: Heard anything from Mr. Henderson since he paid us?

NIC: No, but his wife called. She said the plumbing has stopped dripping blood, the TV isn't channeling Satan anymore, and she's not afraid to go into the basement.

STEVE: That's great. Things are getting back to normal for them.

NIC: Except for the dog.

STEVE: The dog?

NIC: Remember their dog Rex that would bark at the washing machine and dryer?

STEVE: Oh yeah. How's Rex?

NIC: Dead. She found him in the dryer... cooked.

STEVE: Probably just a freak accident.

NIC: That's what I told her. She thought the dryer might have eaten Rex. That Rex knew the dryer was possessed and that's why he barked at it. Then one day he got too close to the dryer and it ate him.

STEVE: Hmmmm... Not impossible.

NIC: Nothing's impossible.

STEVE: Hey, check out this email that just came in...

"Dear Ghost Shouters, please help me. I think I'm going crazy. There is a thumping noise in my attic every night at midnight. Can you come over right away?"

... What do you think? Should we take it on?

NIC: Let's do it. Thumping noise? Sounds routine. Ten to one he's got a recently deceased relative.

STEVE: His name is Bill Hardy on Summerset Street. You grab our toolbox. I'll crank up the Ghostmobile.

NIC: Who's name? The dead relative or the guy who needs our help?

STEVE: *sighs* The guy who needs our help.

NIC: Oh. So what's the relative's name?

STEVE: Billy-bob-joe-moe-something-something-something. I can't remember the whole thing.

NIC: Oh. Well, lets get going.

STEVE: To the ghostmobile!!! *runs wildly to the rusty old truck he bought for five bucks from some guy down the road*

NIC: We need a new car...

STEVE: Hey! Stop that! You're hurting Ghosty's feelings!

NIC: Fine.

STEVE: *tries to start the car* Great. Nows because of YOU it won't run.

NIC: *snaps fingers and car starts*

STEVE: Woah! How'd you do that?!

NIC: Remember that witch we met in California?

STEVE: Yeah...

NIC: She taught me a few things. Very helpful things.

STEVE: Why didn't she teach ME anything?

NIC: *ignores the question* Why do we call it the GHOSTmobile, Steve? We don't just go after GHOSTS, you know.

STEVE: Because it's a cool name, ok? Let's get going before this guy loses his marbles.

NIC: Didn't he already lose them?

STEVE: No...Hey, where's the toolbox?

NIC: *goes blank* I thought you had it...

The Ghostmobile pulls into the driveway of Bill Hardy's house on Summerset Street.

STEVE: That's probably him watering the flowers with a garden hose.

NIC: Does he live alone?

STEVE: Except for that thing that goes thump in the attic.

BILL: Thank God you came! I've been too scared to sleep. Look at these bags under my eyes.

NIC: Wow! You could carry a week's worth of groceries in those.

STEVE: Paper or plastic?

BILL: Huh?

NIC: Stop it, Steve. It wasn't funny at the Piggly Wiggly and it's not funny here.

STEVE: We'd like to take a look at that attic, Bill.

BILL: Sure. I nailed the door shut but I've got a crowbar so we can pry it open.

STEVE: Really worried about something getting you, eh? What a scaredy-cat!

BILL: Hey!

NIC: Don't insult the customer, Steve.

STEVE: Sorry. Here. I've got the attic door open. You go up and check it out, Nic.

NIC: Why me?

STEVE: Oh, another scaredy-cat, eh? Scaredy-cat! Scaredy-cat!

NIC: Stop it! You know I'll do anything on a dare.

STEVE: I dare you to go up.

NIC: That's better. Tie a rope to my waist and haul me back if anything happens.

STEVE: Sure. Take care. Don't let the bedbugs bite.

NIC: *climbs up into the attic*

NIC: AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

BILL: I TOLD you something was up there!

STEVE: Nic, are you alright?!?!

NIC: Ha ha ha ha ha tricked you didn't I? There isn't anything up here.

STEVE: Hmph. Never fooled me for a second. It was Bill who got all scared, right Bill?

*silence*

STEVE: Bill?

*silence*

STEVE: Nic...?

*more silence*

STEVE: *hauls rope out* *end of rope is cut off* Omg!!! NIC??? BILL??? Where aaaarrrrreeeeee you!?!?!?!?!

NIC: Right behind you silly!

BILL: Yeah man.

STEVE: Oh...ok...you guys gave me a heart attack!

GHOST: Um...hello?

STEVE NIC AND BILL: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!! GHOST!!!

STEVE: Grab the ecto-sucker Nic!

NIC: I left it in the van!

STEVE: Then grab the spook slasher!

NIC: I left that in the van as well!

STEVE: Please tell me you brought the ghost grabber!

NIC: I left that at HQ!

STEVE: What did you bring?

NIC: A roast beef and turkey sandwich on a hard roll!

STEVE AND BILL: *stare at Nic*

NIC:...With mustard of course!

GHOST: Um...it's very nice your scared of me and all, but I'm not evil.

NIC: Really?

STEVE: LIES! All ghost are evil! *Points sandwich at Ghost*

GHOST: No no. I defected.

NIC: *whispers to Bill* He pooped his pants?

STEVE: Wel, if you are nice, then...tell us why you were making noises? Huh? WELL!?!

GHOST: I was very lonley all by myself. I just wanted a friend... *Sappy music plays*

STEVE: Will you cut that out?

NIC: *Blushes and shuts off music player*

GHOST: Will you guys be my friends?

STEVE: Are you insane? We run ghosts out of town for a living. We beat them up for money. We stomp on them for our daily bread. Does that sound like we could be friends with them?

GHOST: I don't mind a little physical abuse.

NIC: Ew! Pervert ghost. The worse kind.

GHOST: I'm not a pervert ghost! Pervert ghosts sneak into your room while you're sleeping and do things to you. I'm just a good old-fashioned attic thumper. I never went into your room, did I, Bill?

BILL: Uh... no, I guess not. I never saw you until now. I just wondered what those thumps were. It was pretty scary, you know.

GHOST: That's the idea, Bill. It's what ghosts do - scare people.

BILL: That's it? That's your whole life?

GHOST: Haha! No, not really. I just have to show up in your attic at midnight and thump for a few minutes. I've got the rest of the day to myself.

STEVE: Not anymore you don't. You're going to Ghost Prison.

GHOST: Ghost Prison? I never heard of anything like that. You're just trying to scare me.

STEVE: Do you want to stick around and find out? Fire up the GCD, Nic!

NIC: Huh?

STEVE: The Ghost Capture Device.

NIC: Oh.

GHOST: Wait! I don't want to go to Ghost Prison!

NIC: Yeah. He don't wanna go to ghost prison!

STEVE AND BILL: *stare at Nic*

NIC: What? He doesn't wanna go.

STEVE: What else are we going to do with him?

NIC: Ummm...

BILL: He isn't staying! I'm not paying you to leave him here!

STEVE AND NIC: You're paying us?

GHOST: Uhhh...Hello?

NIC: Hi! Hey, I have an idea! Why doesn't Ghosty here come with us! Nothing like a ghost to help catch ghosts, right?

GHOST: Yeah! I mean, I defected and all.

NIC: *Giggles*

STEVE: Ugh. Fine. But Nic, if he goes all crazy and squirts eco-plasm everywhere, not only are you cleaning it up, but you'll have to catch 30 ghosts, all by yourself just to get back on my good side...

NIC: That doesn't sound too bad!

STEVE: And you'll have to do it blindfolded...

NIC: Well still...

STEVE: And with one hand tied behind your back...

NIC: But...

GHOST: And while juggling twenty beer bottles and cycling on a unicycle!

STEVE: Nice one! *High fives, which phases right through the ghost*

BILL: You people are crazy. I'm gonna go wax my T.V.

NIC AND STEVE AND GHOST: And WE"RE weird?

NIC: So, you gotta name?

GHOST: Theodoreis Stinosilacostis Creotizimbobilhableingooglemixachupaltle.

NIC: Uhhhhhhhhhh.....

STEVE: How about TSC?

TSC: That sounds good enough.

And so the hardy band of two Ghost Shouters became a hardy band of three Ghost Shouters... Now let's listen in to them at the office and hear how the Shouters do their difficult task of ghost shouting...

STEVE: TSC, can you answer that phone call, please?

TSC: Why do I have to do all the dirty work?

NIC: Because you're the new guy.

STEVE: Answering the phone is not dirty work. Come on! That's like 7 rings already. They'll think no one is home.

TSC: Oh, alright. [picks up phone] Hello? Ghost Shouters. ... What? ... Yeah... No... Yeah... Maybe... I don't think so... Well, I didn't call you, you called me... So?... I'm not discussing this any further... WHAT?!... That's it, I'm done. Good-bye... No, YOU are!... No, YOU are!... I don't care, I'm hanging up!... GOOOOD - BYE! [slams down phone]

STEVE: Who was that?

TSC: Wrong number.

STEVE: Oh. *skeptical look*

[phone rings again]

STEVE: I think you better answer it this time, Nic.

NIC: Ok...*picks up phone* He- *is cut off* long silence* Excuse me?... I did no such-... But I-... Why don't YOU?... Why don't you???... I SAID why don't YOU... No... No... Last time I checked... WHY don't YOU?????!!!!!!!!!!!

STEVE: Why don't I? *grabs phone* Hello?... Sir?... Oh, I'm sorry I meant miss... What do I care?... No I-... What I meant was-... Fine... Fine... FINE... FINE!!!!! *hangs up*

NIC: WHAT a *****!

TSC: I know!

STEVE: I don't know...I think she sounded pretty nice...

TSC AND NIC: *stares dumbly* You WHAT?

(sorry this is all I have time for at the moment. I'll make a longer one next time.)

STEVE: Well I gotta soft spot for tough girls. You gotta problem with that?

TSC/NIC: I guess not...

STEVE: Good. Cuz we gotta go and de-spectralize her house.

TSC: Ectoplasm oozing outta the walls?

STEVE: Most likely.

NIC: NO! I REFUSE to go help that terribly rude woman!

STEVE: Um, that's kinda wrong, since I am the leader, and what I say goes.

TSC: And I, since I'm a ghost, like terroizing people. Rude people especially!

NIC: Aww...you guys are no fun...

STEVE: Suit up! *Long dramtic clothing scene takes place as each member gets suited up into their ghost-shouting duds*

NIC: Hey, how come I have to carry the ecto-tank?

STEVE: Cuz I hate carring it.

TSC: And I'm a ghost.

NIC: DAMN!

The Ghost Shouters arrive at the home of Inez Badname...

INEZ: Hurry! Hurry! It's getting worse!

STEVE: Don't worry about a thing, madam! We shall overcome!

NIC: Where do you want the ecto-tank, Steve?

STEVE: Front yard. We'll make a frontal attack. I'll mass my armies in the front yard and we'll break down the front door.

INEZ: Eek! It's unlocked! Please don't break it down.

TSC: Lady, quit trying to spoil our fun.

INEZ: You look weird, young fellow.

TSC: I'm a ghost. Booooo!

INEZ: EEEEK! ... Mister Steve! I thought you REMOVED ghosts, not bring more with you!

STEVE: You know what they say: It takes a ghost to catch a ghost.

NIC: Hey, come look in this living room. Did you ever see such hideous wallpaper?

INEZ: That's not my wallpaper!

STEVE: Hmmmm... The ectoplasm has oozed out of the walls and solidified into a crusty smelly coat of dried nasty stuff that I like to call: ectoplastic.

NIC: Ectoplastic?

STEVE: Exactly! To remove it we must liquify it. TSC, get the garden hose.

INEZ: You're not going to spray water in my living room, are you?

STEVE: We have to, ma'am. It's the only way. Nic, hold her arms so she doesn't try to grab the hose from me. Turn on the faucet, TSC!

INEZ: Nooooooooo!

STEVE: Hold her, Nic!

NIC: But I don't WANNA hold the rude lady!!! *pouts*

STEVE: Niiiccccc!

NIC: Ok ok! *grabs rude lady*

INEZ: LET ME GOOO!!! *fights*

NIC: Nooo! *injects rude lady with tranquilizer*

INEZ: *is unconcious*

STEVE: Why didn't you do that in the first place?

NIC: I don't know...

STEVE: Whatever. *fixes up house* There! By the time she wakes up, we'll be long gone and she'll think it was all just a dream!

TSC: Yes...Just a dream...Muahahahahaaa!

NIC: Woah...Creepy...

TSC: Sorry. Old habits...

STEVE: Anyway! Let's get going

*2am the next morning* *phone starts to ring*

STEVE: *wakes up slowly, wondering where that damned noise is coming from* Where's that damned noise coming from? *looks around* Oh, it's the phone. *wakes Nic up*

NIC: Hmmm?

STEVE: Get the phone

NIC: Hmmm

STEVE: Are you even awake?

NIC: Mmmhmmm...

STEVE: GET THE PHONE!

NIC: Mmmm

STEVE: NIC! *shakes Nic until she wakes up*

NIC: What???

STEVE: Answer the phone!

NIC: Alright! *picks up the phone* Yeah? What do you want?... Do you KNOW what time it is???... Really?... A vampire?... You?... How do I know you're not lying?... Right... good point... Ok... Ok... Tomorrow night... Gotcha... Good night, mr. Vampire Sir... Oh ok... Vampy then... right... G'night... *hangs up*

STEVE: What'd they want? *looks at clock* At TWO AM???

NIC: It's a vampire. He apparently heard we got rid of ghosts and decided we should be able to help kill his arch enemy, Mr Fuzzy Pants The Vampire...

STEVE: *starts laughing his head off*

NIC: What's so funny?

STEVE: Mr Fuzzy Pants The Vampire??? HA HA HAAA!

NIC: Oh shut up. Anyway he said if we don't help, we're dead. Literally. so I said we'd help. And by the way...The vamp who needs our help is called Vampy the Vampire...

TSC: *floats in* Grr...Who the hell calls at *Glances at clock* TWO o' Two in the morning!?

NIC: Vampy the Vampire.

TSC: Oh. I know him! We were old college roomies back at Goulish Hereditarily Obituarliy Stupified Troublemakers. Ah, good old G.H.O.S.T. Good times, good times...

STEVE: Well this makes the job ten times easier!

TSC: So, what we doing for old Vampy?

STEVE: We're takin' down Mr. Fuzzy pants!

TSC: *Speechless, glazed look in eyes*

NIC: TSC, what's wrong?

TSC: Mr. Fuzzypants is the most dioblolically evil Vampire in the entire galaxy! We're doomed!

STEVE: Can you get us out of fighting him?

TSC: Did you accept the offer to take him out?

NIC: Yeah why?

TSC: Vampy takes any thing said to him as an unbreakable promise. Even I, his old roomie, can't bust us out of it!

STEVE: *whacks Nic* You dummy! Look what you got us in now!

NIC: *whacks back* Then next time answer the phone yourself!

TSC: I think we better get to work. We'll need lots of garlic for this one.

STEVE: No problem, I bought 37 sacks of garlic last week. We might be a little short of wooden stakes.

TSC: It's going to take more than just garlic and stakes. Mr Fuzzypants is the most diabolically evil vampire in the galaxy.

STEVE: You already said that. What did you do? Memorize his promotional literature?

NIC: Why do I get hungry every time somebody mentions garlic and steak?

STEVE: That's STAKES, not STEAKS.

NIC: You can hear my spelling?

STEVE: And I can see your smell. I have cross-sensual confusion.

NIC: What does my smell look like?

STEVE: Uhhhh... flowers. Pretty flowers.

NIC: You're lying, aren't you?

STEVE: You haven't had your morning shower yet.

NIC: Wait for me then! I have to freshen up.

STEVE: No problem. We'll load up the Ghostmobile with all our tools and junk and weird scientific devices and things we'll never use but have to take along anyway just in case.

TSC: Like your Gameboy DS?

STEVE: We'll need that.

Three hours later...

STEVE: Nic! Aren't you ready yet? How fresh do you have to be to kill a vampire?

NIC: Very! And I just remembered...Garlic doesn't hurt vamps...It's just an old myth...We need silver chains and the stakes will work.

STEVE: Damn! Then what do we do with all this garlic???

NIC: Ummm...I'm not sure...*shrugs* *comes out of the bathroom wearing jeans and a t-shirt*

TSC: It took you THAT long to pick THAT out??? Your hair isn't even done!

NIC: Is so!

STEVE: Is not! Look at it! It's a horrible-looking pony-tailed mop of...I don't even KNOW what!

NIC: Very descriptive...Anyway lets get going. I've had enough of this fighting...

TSC: Yeah I wanna see my old buddy!

STEVE: Fine. Lets go dudes.

NIC: Dude...NEVER say dude again...

TSC: I've always hated the word dude. It's so...17th century

NIC: YOU were haunting in the 17th century??? What was it LIKE???

TSC: Boring. Very boring...

NIC: Good. I hate fun

STEVE: WHO CARES! Let's get goin peoples!

And so, the brave Ghost Shouters made their miraculus journey through marshes, mountians, and Jimmy-Bob's cocktail house in an attempt to make it four blocks down the street...

NIC: Damn, them four blocks was LONG!!

TSC: Would you mind your grammer?

NIC: *pulls up pants* Sorry, I am.

TSC: Just froget it...

STEVE: Here we are guys...*glances up at huge scary dilaphadated manor*...Vampy Manor... Who knocks on the door?

NIC/TSC: Not it!

STEVE: *gulp* O...k....*neviously shuffels up to the door and knocks. Four seconds later, a crazy old woman bursts through the door*

CRAZY LADY: Whadoyawant sonny?

STEVE: Is Vampy home?

CRAZY LADY: Now why would that Vampire live here? He lives next door! *Points to little hot pink painted house bathed in sunlight with hundreds of beautiful flowers growing in a garden*

STEVE: Uh...cuz it's girly...

CRAZY LADY: GIRLY?!? I'll KEEL YOU BOY! *Smacks Steve with her cane*

STEVE: GET HER AWAY!!!! OW! OW! NOT THE FACE!!!!

NIC/TSC: *eating at nearby Mc.Donalds* Did you just hear something?

STEVE: MY SPLEEN!!!!

NIC: Nah. You gonna finish your fries?

STEVE: SHE'S SETTING ME ON FIRE!!!!

TSC: If wasn't going to finish them, I wouldn't have bought them!

STEVE: I think that organ is vital ma'm...

CRAZY LADY: SHUT UP BOY!!! TAKE IT LIKE A MAN!!!

NIC: Well alright. You didn't have to snap at me. *finishes meal* Lets go check on Steve.

TSC: Right-o.

VAMPY: Hello, TSC! Who's your friends?

TSC: This here is the Ghost Shouters, Vampy. The cute one with the limp ponytail is Nic and the old guy in overalls is Steve.

VAMPY: Isn't he too old to be ghost shouting?

STEVE: You're never too old to be a ghost shouter.

VAMPY: That's the spirit! You got a lot of grit for an old geezer.

TSC: So where is this Mr Fuzzypants that you want us to kill?

VAMPY: Well, I ain't so sure you can just outright kill him, boy. He's a powerul spirit. But an obnoxious one. I just plain don't like him.

NIC: So if we can't kill him, why call us?

VAMPY: TSC said you had one of them there Ectotrap thingies. I just want you to lock him up for awhile. Keep him out of my way. Like I say, I can't stand the dude. He annoys me.

STEVE: Yeah, we've got an Ectotrap, but we can't keep him in it forever. He'll leak out of it eventually.

VAMPY: That's alright. I just need a few days with no Mr Fuzzypants around singing his little songs and pulling waxworms out of his ears.

STEVE: Alright. We'll trap him in our Ectotrap. Where do we find this Mr Fuzzypants?

NIC: Ummm...I hate to bust your bubble but...Aw who am I kidding? I LOVE discouraging people! *beams* But...Isn't the ectotrap thingy for ghosts?

STEVE: Nah. This thing can trap anything. See, watch *traps that mean od lady in ectotrap thingy*

NIC: Mhmmm...Alright, whatever. So where he at?

VAMPY: I don't know...

TSC, NIC, and STEVE: *stares*

TSC: Vampy, you know EVERYTHING!!

VAMPY: Between you and me, that was just a ploy to get the ladies...*wolf whistles*

TSC:...Now I understand why you copied my exam...

STEVE: So...you have no clue where to find him?

VAMPY: Not one bit.

NIC: Oh that's F***ING GREAT!!! MOTHER F***ER!! I HATE YOU, YOU BA***RD!!!* Goes and sits on the corner to fume*

VAMPY: *jaw drops to the floor*

TSC: Uh...you'll have to forgive Nic. *whispers* She's going through teenage angst....

VAMPY: Oh I understand. I remeber when I had it. Yeah, I went all out. I even went through the Emo phase! Wanna see picture of me slitting my wrists and drying my hair red with the blood?

TSC: Uh...not really.

STEVE: I'll pass...

NIC: F**K YOU!!!

VAMPY: K. Maybe some other time then?

TSC: Surrrrre. Yah...*rolls eyes*

STEVE: Alright then. I guess we'll go hunt Fuzzypants...

VAMPY: BYE!! See ya later!

TSC: See ya!

STEVE: Adios Amego!

NIC: SCREW YOU!!! MOTHER--(Due to so many swears, we've had to block them all with this very long captiony thingy just to cover all the naughtyness. We now return to Ghost Shouters)

TSC: Good thing we had that duct tape or she'd never of shut up! Right Steve?

STEVE: You caught her hand in the tape. Now her fingers are stuck in her ear. I don't think she's getting less angry.

TSC: Hmmm. Yeah. Tape might have been a mistake. *rips tape off*

NIC: Ow! You big stupid [due to technical problems WDC is unable to transmit this portion of the dialog] and the horse you rode in on!

STEVE: So where oh where is Mister Fuzzypants?

NIC: He's probably in Fuzzy Town.

STEVE: Fuzzy Town? There is a Fuzzy Town?

NIC: Of course! There is a town for everything. You never heard of China Town?

STEVE: Yeah, but-

NIC: Well there's a Fuzzy Town too. Check the map.

TSC: *looks at map* Hey, there IS a Fuzzy Town. It's right between Wal*Mart and Burger King.

STEVE: So small? That's more like a village.

TSC: I think it's a store.

STEVE: What are we waiting for? Onward to Fuzzy Town! *squeals tires in U-turn*

(in the car)

NIC: So, what EXACTLY did you whisper while I was freaking out?

TSC: Ummm...

STEVE: Uh...What are you talking about? We don't know what your talking about. We didn't say anything to Mr. Vampy Vamp did we, TSC? No nope we didn't say ANYTHING.

NIC: Uh huh sure...

TSC: Hey, look at that! *points to distintly fuzzy sign that states : HERE BE FUZZY TOWN!* I think it's a sign...

NIC: No duh dipstick!

TSC: I meant a spiritual sign. We shall be victorious in capturing Fuzzypants!

STEVE: Well duh. We ARE the main characters after all. We ALWAYS win. Oh I just broke the fourth barrier didn't I?

TSC: Shush! *Whispers*We must not disturb the balence of nature anymore than we already have! Froget what you said!

NIC: Why is it so importent we don't know we're fictional?

TSC: Because if we did, then we'd lose all motavation to do anything, since it'd be for a fake cause, now...*puts on dark sunglasses* You didn't see anything! *Pulls out MIB mind swiper*

STEVE: Whoa...I feel loopy...Where are we?

TSC: Hunting Fuzzypants.

STEVE: Oh yeah! Onward!

NIC: Everything is so fuzzy. How will we know if we see him? He'll just be one more fuzz ball in a room full of fuzz balls.

STEVE: Yeah, I didn't really expect things to be quite this fuzzy here.

TSC: This reminds me of the old B&W TV we used to keep in the garage. Very fuzzy picture.

NIC: It reminds me of my Teddy Bear, Mr Blood. He was fuzzy.

*TSC and Steve look at each other and roll eyes*

STEVE: Mr Blood?

NIC: Yes, he was a vampire Teddy Bear. At night he would sneak over to my doll shelf and feed.

STEVE: You had a strange childhood.

NIC: No. It was just very interesting.

TSC: Whatever.

NIC: Steve, what time is it?

STEVE: *looks at watch* About...Lunchtime actually. They got any food around here?

TSC: Other than these green fuzzy sandwiches? Nope. Nothing. So where's this fuzzy guy?

NIC: He's not the fuzzy one. His name is fuzzy PANTS not fuzzy MAN. Anyway he wouldn't be here.

STEVE: Why not?

NIC: Well duh, it's light outside. Vampires are creatures of the night. NO DAYLIGHT!!!

STEVE: Oh...

TSC: That means we'll all have to get in a bed and sleep until night falls.

NIC: *blank stare* No it doesn't.

STEVE: Hey, what we have to do is not sleep, what we have to do is look for where Mister Fuzzypants is sleeping. Ten to one it's in a coffin on the basement.

NIC: He might be more creative than that.

STEVE: Yes, HE might be, but I'm not. Let's go look in the basement.

[...endless noise of three people tramping down basement steps, bumping their heads, cursing, wondering how many steps there are, whining about how they didn't use the restroom before they started on the trip, then...]

Steve: Here we are in the basement.

TSC: I'm exhausted. NOW can we all get in a bed and sleep?

NIC: NO! There is not going to be any all-getting-in-a-bed stuff.

STEVE: Shhhhh! Do you want to wake up Mister Fuzzypants?

NIC: I couldn't wake him up!

STEVE: Yes you could, with all that racket you're making.

NIC: Nuh uh. He's standing right behind you.

STEVE: *goes white* H-h-h-he-e-e's st-st-st-standing r-r-r-right behind...me?

NIC: Yeah, now stop stuttering. He's only got a knife up to your throat.

(Sorry guys, gotta go!)

TSC: Whoa, Fuzzypants, WHOA! We don't need to be violent...

FUZZY: TSC? OMG!! It's been EONS since our last blood raid! How ya been?

TSC: I... was friends with you?

FUZZY: Yah! *Drops Steve* Don't you remember all the great times we had, before that Vampy came and ruined our friendship?

NIC: You're very popular in the ghost realm, aren't you?

STEVE: Apparently, yes, he is.

FUZZY: So, what brings you to my humble basment of horror?

TSC: Ummm...We were gonna trap you in an ectotrap for Vampy so you'd leave him alone...

NIC: Smooth. Now we're ALL gonna die.

FUZZY: Oh. That's a bit of a problem. Well, Vampy didn't need to go through all this trouble! He should have told me I was annoying him! I'll keep away for a week or two. Give him some space.

NIC: Wow. Aren't Vampires supposed to be evil killing machines?

FUZZY: Oh heavens no! That is a common misconseption. Vampires are actually some of the nicest undead folk you'll ever meet! Even my rival, Vampy, and I get together for a sportfull game of golf every few years. Even us enemies are friendly.

NIC: Oh. That explains your purple fuzzypants, I guess...*Is cleary disapointed*

FUZZY: Would you like to stay for tea?

STEVE: No, we have other clients to meet, ghosts to fry, ect.

FUZZY: Oh. It's alright then. Toodleo!

And so, thanks to TSC's connections to the other world, The ghost Shouters were able to save the day!

STEVE: Wow. Good thing TSC's around. He's able to solve any matter in the most anti-climatic way.

NIC: Don't talk to me. My childhood idols have betrayed me.

STEVE: Well, we'd better go tell Vampy that Fuzzypants is taken care of.

The Ghost Shouters pound on Vampy's door...

TSC: Vampy! Vampy! We took care of Mister Fuzzypants!

VAMPY: Stop that pounding! It's still daylight! Don't you know vampires sleep in the daytime?

TSC: Oops! Sorry, Vampy! I forgot.

VAMPY: You're always forgetting something. You'd forget your head if it wasn't fastened on. That reminds me of something...

TSC: What?

VAMPY: The Headless Horseman called. He needs your help.

NIC: The Headless Horseman? I thought that was just some lame story you have to read in 6th grade.

VAMPY: No, he's real all right and he wants you guys to help him with something.

STEVE: Where does he live?

TSC: I thought everyone knew that. Class?

EVERYONE: In Sleepy Hollow!

STEVE: Then let's go to Sleepy Hollow!

NIC: Wait woah woah woah WOAH! I need to go back to hq and get my autograph book. I am SO not missing this oppurtunity!

STEVE & TSC: But Niiiiiiiiiccccccc!

NIC: But what? I just said I'm NOT missing this oppurtunity! Now get in the car. I'm driving.

TSC: YOU'RE driving?

NIC: Bye, my horribly dissapointing childhood heroe!

VAMPY: Byyyeeee!!!

*After Nic drives them to HQ,...*

TSC: That was the most terrifing experiance of my afterlife.

STEVE: ...

NIC: I'll be right backl you guys!!!

*Three hours later*

STEVE: Uhg. Alright Nic, you've got your autograph book, and a fruity purple pen. Need ANYTHING else?

NIC: NOPE! I'm all good!

TSC: What if the headless horseman isn't what you think?

NIC: Pardon?

TSC: Last I saw Old Heady, he was workin' for Burger King.

NIC:...

TSC: Yeah, it's true. He's their chicken-finger sorter.

NIC : LIES!! GET IN THE DAMN CAR!!! *Drives everyone to Sleepy Hollow at Mach 6*

STEVE: So this is Sleepy Hollow? It doesn't look all that sleepy.

TSC: Are you sure? Check out that dog in that yard.

STEVE: Dogs sleep all the time anyway.

TSC: What about the old man asleep in the rocking chair?

STEVE: Old people sleep all the time anyway.

TSC: What about those firemen taking a nap while that house burns?

STEVE: That one is strange.

NIC: So where's the Headless Horseman?

TSC: Look for horse droppings.

NIC: Why do you say such dumb things all the time?

TSC: What? Look for horse droppings? That's perfectly logical. Isn't it, Steve?

STEVE: I don't know. He's the Headless Horseman, not the Headless Horse.

TSC: But if he's a horseman he has to own a horse, right?

NIC: Dumb, dumb, dumb!

TSC: So how do YOU think we should find him, Nicklehead?

NIC: ...It's NIC not Nicklehead. My head does NOT look like a nickel!

TSC: Sure, whatever, so how should we find him?

NIC: I... Don't... THERE! *points to house with a huge sign saying "HEADLESS HORSEMAN'S HOME: COME ONE, COME ALL! $5 per adult $3 per child"*

TSC: I am NOT paying $5 JUST to get in there!

NIC: You don't have to. It says "all ghosts get in free: use other door"

TSC: Oh...Whatever

STEVE: Well, I'M not paying!

NIC: Why not? You get two dollars off.

STEVE: How?

NIC: Well, it SAYS children get in for $3...

STEVE: Oh, well I- HEY! I am NOT a child!

A skinny old crone in a long purple dress comes to the door of the Headless Horseman's Home...

CRONE: Here, here! What's all this noise out here? Did you come to see the big H? Then pay your money and shut up. Nobody likes a lot of noise.

STEVE: Sorry, m'am. My friends are ghosts. They'll use the free entrance.

CRONE: Whatever. This $5 bill ain't counterfeit, is it?

STEVE: No,of course not!

CRONE: It looks funny.

STEVE: It's one of the new ones.

CRONE: New ones! So it IS counterfeit! You just printed this last night, didn't you, boy?

STEVE: No, no, no. It's real money. Let me see if I have another bill. An OLD bill.

CRONE: Are you calling me old?

STEVE: No. But you ARE old, aren't you?

CRONE: I can still beat the tar out of you, boy! Give me that money! Now get inside that house and find your two ghost friends before they steal everything I own.

NIC: But Steve, I'm not a-

STEVE: Yes ma'am I'll make sure they don't steal anything

CRONE: Good.

NIC: But Steve, I-

STEVE: Shush!

TSC: *drags Nic through ghost entrance* You aren't very bright, are you?

NIC: I don't know. Turn out the lights, let's find out. I'm white enough to glow, don't you think?

TSC: *rolls eyes* C'mon let's find Steve...

NIC: But I wanna see if I'm bright enough to glow in the dark!

CREEPY GROANING VOICE: Trust me you aren't

TSC: *turns around* Who are YOU?!?!

NIC: Yeah and how do you know if I glow in the dark or not? You aren't stalking me, are you?

TSC: ... Nic...

NIC: Yeah?

TSC: Let me handle this...

NIC: But it was a perfectly logical question!

TSC: Who the heck are you?

CREEPY GROANING VOICE: I am the ghost of Estaban Hulio Rodreguize Sanches Luan Carlos Christopher Palmer the third. But you can call me Freddy.

NIC: ...

STEVE: Freddy?

FREDDY: Yesssss. Freddy. I've always liked that name, but my father wouldn't let me change it.

TSC: Yeeeeaah...uh...do you know where the Headless Horseman is?

FREDDY: Oh, yeah. He's out back. But BEWARE!!!

TSC: Beware what?

FREDDY: His horse, Cupcake, might eat your skull if you get too close.

TSC: Oh. That's fine with me. I'm already dead!

NIC: Hey! Before you go, how did you know I wouldn't glow in the dark?

FREDDY: I know all.

STEVE: Then what's my favorite color?

FREDDY: Aquamarine.

STEVE: Damn. I guess you DO know it all. Come on Ghost Shouters, let's go meet Heady. See ya Freddy.

FREDDY: Bye Guys!

TSC: This just gets wierder and wierder...

NIC: *In bannana suit* Tell me about it.

STEVE: Hey, Nic, why don't you peel off that banana suit? Get it? "Peel" off that banana suit? Huh? Huh?

NIC: Shut up, Steve. And by the way, it is so GAY to have AQUAMARINE for your favorite color. That's a girl's color.

STEVE: No it isn't. The sea is colored aquamarine. Most sailors are men. I rest my case.

TSC: Better pick up that case, Steve. If you leave it here somebody might steal it.

CUPCAKE: Neighhhhhhhh!

NIC: Oh look. It's the Headless Horseman's horse that eats skulls.

TSC: How does he do that? Horses eat grass. Crunching bone would ruin their teeth.

CUPCAKE: Whinny!

NIC: That's weird when he does that.

STEVE: Does what?

NIC: Just says the words "neigh" and "whinny". Couldn't we afford a sound effects man?

TSC: Pssst! Fourth wall?

NIC: Oh. Sorry. Well I wonder where the Headless Horseman is? He must be around here SOMEWHERE.

STEVE: Yeah, that's what I'm thinking too. We've walked throiugh the house, out on the porch, back into the house, upstairs, checked all the rooms-

TSC: Actually Freddy said he was OUT BACK. That would be BEYOND the porch, wouldn't it?

STEVE: How should I know. I'm not Australian.

NIC: I once obsessed over an Australian.

STEVE: Did you learn anything?

NIC: Just "mate" and "barbie" and I thought they kept their steaks in the out back.

TSC: Let's just go out back and see if the H-less H-man is back there.

STEVE: Your abbreviations are superb.

TSC: Thanks.

NIC: I thought his name was the headless horseman...Hey, has anyone seen my autograph book?

STEVE: Nic, we don't have time for this.

NIC: But I need my autograph book!

ANOTHER CREEPY VOICE: Here you go...

NIC: *takes book which was floating in air* Hey, thanks, Mr. Headless Horseman, sir.

HEADLESS HORSEMAN: No problem.

NIC: Hey, could you sign this?

HEADLESS HORSEMAN: Sure. *zaps page on book with lightning-like thing coming from his finger, leaving a black skull with crossbones*

NIC: Hey thanks, man!

TSC: Now where could he...Steve...turn around.

STEVE: He's right behind me isn't he?

TSC: More on the immediate left then behind you.

STEVE: Alright Headless, we're the Ghost Shouters, and Vampy sent us.

HEADY: Oh did he now? Well then, I guess I'll give you your job. You must clean up all the ecto-gloop from Cupcake's stable.

NIC: SAAAAAAAAY WHAAAAAAAAAAAT???

HEADY: You gotta clean up with gloop. Come on, I'll pay you guys nicely.

STEVE: And that would be?

HEADY: I let the alive ones live, and TSC doesn't get forced to play the bagpipes for all eternity.

STEVE: Sounds fair to me. Let's get cleaning guys.

NIC: I never knew we get paid!

STEVE: Of course we get paid. Sometimes we get laid. And in the event of injury, we get aid. Thirsty? Lemonade. Our rooms need cleaning? We get a maid. If-

NIC: Will you please just stop, Steve.

STEVE: Sure.

TSC: Should we use the ecto-vacuum on this ecto-gloop or should I get the ecto-brooms out?

STEVE: Hmmm. It looks more like an ecto-scooper job to me.

TSC: I didn't pack the ecto-scooper.

STEVE: Dang it, TSC! Now we'll have to use the ecto-shovels.

NIC: Not me. There's only two ecto-shovels. You guys can handle this one. I'm going exploring.

STEVE: Wait! ... There she goes.

TSC: She looked serious about that exploring. Did you notice the coil of rope over her shoulder, the strap-on headlamp, the compass, the water bottle, and the first aid kit?

STEVE: I'm not as observant as you. But I did see the hiking boots.

NIC: *walking around aimlessly, doing that 'exploring' of hers* Hmmm...I wonder if there are any secret rooms...

SOME PERSON NEXT TO NIC: Well, there IS a secret door under your feet...

NIC: *looks down* Hey! There's a secret door under my feet! I'm so smart!

PERSON NEXT TO NIC: ...*walks away*

NIC: *opens door and enters a dark room with an eirie glow coming from somewhere* Oooooo pretty... *door slams behind her* Hmmm...Very convenient. We should get that at hq...

*Nic walks further into room*

NIC: *sees someone tied in a chair* Vampy, is that you?

VAMPY: *sees Nic* *face goes white*

NIC: Wow! It IS you! What are you doing here?

VAMPY: Uh, well, I, well, uh, I, see, I, uh, well, I, uh, I, well, I, uh...

NIC: Would you STOP saying the same words over and over again? It's getting annoying.

VAMPY: *jerks head, trying to tell her the Headless Horseman is behind her with a very sharp knife and some rope*

NIC: *is confused* what are you doing NOW?

VAMPY: *jerks head harder*

NIC: Hey, is that a new dance move?! *starts jerking head too* Wow, this is fun! I gotta teach it to the Steve and TSC!

HEADY: *grabs Nic and puts knife to her throat*

NIC: Vampyyyy! Why didn't you TELL me he was behind me! *crosses arms* You are the worst childhood hero EVER! *is mad*

VAMPY: *rolls eyes*

STEVE: Nic has been gone a long time.

TSC: Yeah. You know... It occurs to me... Whenever in horror movies one of the group strays off by themselves then they always get killed in some horrible way.

STEVE: You're right. I completely forgot about that. We should never have let Nic go off by herself.

NIC: Don't blame yourself. She's so headstrong. I don't think you could have stopped her.

STEVE: I'm not blaming ME! I'm blaming YOU!

TSC: ME?! It's not MY fault!

STEVE: But YOU are the one who reembered that horror movie stuff.

TSC: Well sure... NOW... but I didn't remember it THEN. And since you're the leader it definitely makes it YOUR fault when somebody in the group gets killed.

STEVE: We don't actually know she's dead yet. Let's go look for her.

TSC: Can I hold the flashlight?

STEVE: We have more than one flashlight.

TSC: Oh. Can I hold both of them?

STEVE: No. Let's see... I think she went this way...

NIC: Uh, guys? *taps Steve on the shoulder* I'm RIGHT HERE! Didn't you hear me talking about myself?

STEVE: Oh hey Nic! We were just about to go and look for you!

TSC: Yeah. Hey this might be a stupid question but why are you being held soclosely by the HH himself?

STEVE: *notices* Hey, you forgot the knife to the throat, dude...

NIC: Well, its a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG story...