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| >> Campfire Creative >> Short Story >> Comedy >> ID #1709592 |   |
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| [Introduction]
It was late. Spink rubbed an itching eyeball and adjusted his head set. "Rogue?" There was a rustling sound through Spink's earpiece. "Mmmf?" was the mumbled reply. "Did you fall asleep?" "No, I was just... badgers." "Maybe we should call it a night." "No, one more level." "Okay." Spink stretched his atrophied limbs and kicked over his drink. There was a flash, a scream and then everything went... pixelated. |
 Spink - Engaged!  Spink flashed into existence and was instantly killed by a giant grinning bullet.He appeared again. Somewhere inside himself he knew he could only do that two more times. Ducking this time, he shuffled up to some cover and looked around. He knew that bullet. It was a Mario bullet! Just as he was beginning to gibber, he heard a voice. "Ow! Dammit! Was that a flying turtle?!" It was Rogue! Spink dove out of cover and sprinted towards the source of the voice, he launched himself over a small gap with slightly less gravity than he was used to and crashed straight into a stack of square bricks. A mushroom popped out and started moving towards him. Before Spink could get to his feet, the mushroom made contact with his foot and then things got really weird... Singular Scribbler Rogue might have paused for an instant to consider where she was had she not been freefalling. She collided with an odd, turtleish looking creature, with wings! Suddenly, it disappeared and she continued to fall, landing most ungraciously on her behind.A short string of curses alerted her to someone else's presence. A few unsavory verbs later and she recognized Spink. No one swears like a Spink. She moved towards the noise, but was deterred by a stack of brown blocks. For some reason that was beyond her, she was sure she could clear it, and did so without a second thought. She slid just a bit when she landed and then stumbled backwards, trying not to fall off the opposite edge. A flash of white caught her eye and she looked up to see perfectly formed, though oddly straight edged, clouds floating across a perfect blue sky, broken up by an irregular pattern of more blocks hanging in the air. What is this place? "Spink! Are you there? Come up h...oh my gosh." Upon turning she was met with the sight of an abnormally large human. One who looked just as completely befuddled as she was. The man took a few steps froward and she had to fall to her knees to keep from falling off the tower as the ground shook underneath her feet. "First, I'd like to say that's awesome. Second, what the heck did you do to yourself?!" Spink - Engaged! "It was a mushroom, and I tried to get away, but it was coming for me, so I was all oh no! and it was all muuuurgh and I was all Ahhhhhh, but it totally got me and then I was big!" he grinned a stupid grin and hit his head on a passing cloud."That's... great? No, that's Mario! What's going on?" Spink leaned against a mass of floating bricks and tried to look intelligent. "In my enormous opinion, we seem to have been sucked into-" he glanced around "-the first Mario game, which is the best one in my massive opinion. Actually, and this is only my honest (and huge) opinion, the first-" "Okay, you need to stop talking." said Rogue weighing the shell of the once airborne turtle in her hand. She squinted, took aim and launched it directly between Spink's eyes. He shrank rapidly. "Aww, man!" he sat down dejectedly. "When I find a Fire Flower, you're so gonna get it." "Look, we need to figure out what's going on here. And how are we in a Mario game when we were playing XBOX?" "I thought about that and I think it's because my XBOX is linked to my laptop and that has a bunch of old Nintendo games on it. So whatever games were on our consoles and stuff we can get to... somehow. Can we please avoid Dead Space because that game scared the Hell out of me." "Agreed, but we need to find a way out. I mean, this 8bit landscape is giving me a headache and I left something in the microwave and I was like two kills away from leveling my character!" Rogue fought the urge to stamp her foot. "Okay, okay! I think we just need to complete the level and then see what happens next. And I may only have two lives left, so we need to get somewhere with an autoheal system or autosave, because I'm really pretty clumsy. Also, you go first." The stupid grin emerged again and Rogue decided that she was going to jump on Spink's head the first chance she got. Singular Scribbler She studied him for a moment, thinking. She could hit him, just one good punch or a solid thwack to the back of his head, however she didn't know exactly how that might affect him in this world. So, with a sigh and rolling of the eyes, she started in the direction she assumed to be forward. As she walked, she tried to remember exactly how the level was laid out. Rogue had played enough that she should be able to remember, but nothing came to mind. She was aware of the basics, though..."Would you stop singing!" Spink looked completely innocent, oddly enough, though he still carried that obnoxious grin. Of course, it was the game music. Great. At least she wasn't crazy. Why she was grumpy was one of a million and two things that were beyond her. She chalked it up as a side effect and hoped it would wear off soon enough. Sighing, she waved her hand to dismiss the comment and took a few steps forward. "Rogue, wait!" Spink lunged forward and grabbed her arm, yanking her to the ground. He looked awfully proud of his heroic act, even going to far as to strike a pose. "What the hockey sticks was that for?!?!" "Preposition." "Shut up! Now tell me why you did that." "Well, Rogue, I can't do both." Being the naturally mature individual that he was, he stuck out his tongue at her. A few deep breaths later and the girl took another stab at the question. "Why did you just throw me on the ground?" Smugly, he turned and pointed at the ground. Just where she had been about to step was a giant chasm that ended abruptly six meters down, then turned into an inky blackness. "Oh. Well, them. Um...thanks." She stood, brushing dirt colored pixels off herself. "How do you propose we get over this, Spink? Spink?" Spink - Engaged! "We take a freakin' run up, yo." said Spink walking back a few paces and eyeing the gap. "In Mario, you just hold down A or B or something and you can sprint and jump. It's always a pretty close call when you're little like us, but we should be able to make it without falling to our doom down that bottomless hole there. Besides, we've got a couple of lives to throw around!"Rogue didn't look convinced, but she couldn't help but think that there was a clock counting down somewhere and that if it got to zero, they'd both lose a life anyway. She was trying to concentrate, but Spink was banging his head on a brick to make coins come out and the tinkling noise was distracting her. "Okay," she said, with purpose, "I'm jumping for it. I'm sick of this place and that music and the visible pixels and the complete lack of a sensible physics engine." She ran, jumped, sailed slowly through the air and landed with a slide on the other side. Spink, happy that the brick had been head-butted clean of all coins did the same and landed on Rogue who flashed red and fell through the floor waving her arms above her head. "Ha! Classic Mario death right there!" he exclaimed with glee. Rogue reappeared, kicked Spink in the man-marbles and stormed off in the direction of the tall flag pole that was coming into view. Spink crawled after her a few minutes later. Singular Scribbler She was glad they would soon be done with that level, and hopefully out of this strange world. Unfortunately, standing tall and arrogant in her path was a large set of stairs made of the same blocks they had seen scattered throughout the level. While she had been considering the best approach to tackling this new obstacle, Spink came skipping from behind, having regained his composure, and began to leap up the stairs. Rogue followed, though significantly less cheerily, until they both stood on the last step, looking over the edge at the ground between them and the flag pole. Under normal circumstances Rogue would have encourage expediency over trying to gain extra points, but this level had always a particular pet peeve of hers. Try as she might, she had never been able to reach the top of the flag pole. "Spink." "What?" "Stop making airplane noises and help me figure out how to get to the top of this pole." "But, I like the..." A well calculated glare silenced him, but only for a moment. "I have an idea!" Exactly how this person was supposed to be older than she was was beyond Rogue. "Okay, Spink. What is...aahh!" Without waiting for her to finish speaking, Spink grabbed Rogue and lifted her above his head, thanks to the throughly unrealistic capabilities the game provided him. Naturally, he posed for some unseen camera before stepping back and hurled the helpless girl at the golden bulb that topped the white finish line. Her arms flailed wildly for the second time and she reached for whatever she could grab, namely the flagpole. Rogue's arms latched onto the pole of their own accord and she slid neatly to the bottom. Once her feet touched the ground she collapsed into a heap and tried to regain her breath. A few seconds later a:"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!" And the clang of metal prompted her to open her eyes and see Spink's underside approaching her at a speed greater than what she was comfortable with. She could have easily stuck her foot up and let him fall on it, but she figured she'd save the punishment for later. Instead she rolled to the side so as to avoid death and watched, rather amused, as he collided with the ground and was covered by the rather rigid looking flag that had gaced the top only moments before. In a second, he was up again and she figured she might as well join him. Rogue stood, brushed more pixels off her clothing and looked around. The classic castle stood, typical and unmoving, not to mention disproportionate. "Come on, Spink. I'm done with this." She tried to seem as confident as she could as she strolled through the castle entrance, but she got this strange feeling like a stretching, and the only thought that crossed her mind was 'Data Transfer.' Spink - Engaged! A freakin' long time passed, which had nothing to do with the laziness of one of the campfire participants, but very slowly the world began to reappear. They were stood in a vast room of blinding white light. All around them, hovering a few feet above the ground, were hundreds of square picture frames, each containing a still image from one of the many video games the duo were able to access. Spink gave out a squeak of delight and began hunting for Extreme Beach Volleyball, but Rogue had other ideas... Singular Scribbler It didn't take a genius to figure out what he was looking for, especially since he was running around the room calling its name like it was a lost puppy. Rogue hoped that Extreme Beach Volleyball had been relegated to the pits of neglect and bad gaming, as it should have been, so she took her time wandering around, stopping every now and again to marvel at the relics of her childhood. It was a good moment until she found one that had her jumping for joy. "Spink, I think I found that game you were looking for!" Almost immediately, his head popped out from behind one of the white frames floating a few rows down from where she stood. Nonchalantly, Rogue pointed at the frame in front of her. Without a moment's hesitation, Spink sprinted down the aisle and leaped into the picture. This proved two things. First, that these pictures were indeed like those in the Mario Castle, and second, that she needed to work on expanding Spink's cultural horizons upon their return to reality. Rogue looked around once more before following her enthusiastic companion through the painting. When she tumbled out of the other side, she was met with the sight of a sulking Spink and a monkey climbing up and down a tree, occasionally throwing strange orange-yellow balls. Yup. Sonic. Gotta love it. "Come on, Spink. Don't you realize where we are?" Spink - Engaged! Even if Spink didn't know where he was, which he totally did, it wouldn't have mattered, because enormous letters had just erupted into existence in midair. They read:"Green Hill Zone: Act 1" Spink glanced at the writing, but showed no mood improvement. "Not as good as Extreme Beach Volleyball. Wanted to play that. Beaches. Volleyball. Boobs." "Yes," said Rogue irritably, "I'm sure it would have been lovely, but we're here now and, come on, it's Sonic! Think of all the cool stuff we're going to do!" "I suppose I could just look at your boobs." said Spink, staring shamelessly at Rogue's chest area. "You could, if you wanted me to punch your teeth into your brain." "Fair point." said Spink taking a sudden interest in a spinning golden ring. "Hey! Hey, pink guys! Down there! Come closer, I want to throw stuff at you! Up here! Hey, wow, look a robot monkey in a tree, is what you'd be thinking if you weren't stupid looking and sounding. Come on, I'm programmed to throw stuff, but only to a fixed distance, which you are currently not standing on. Because you smell." Spink and Rogue (or Rogue and Spink, if you think mentioning the male first is sexist) looked in the direction of the noise. It was indeed a robot monkey in a tree and it was indeed throwing glowing balls of doom from it's lofty perch. Lo, behold the work of man! What fate is this that we should live to see such abominations against the nature of God? Alas, why must we, who are innocent- We interupt this narration to apologise for the very narration we have interupted. It seems the narrator harbours a burning desire to perform Shakespeare on stage, but this ain't no fancy-ass Shakespeare play, this is gaming, so we're gonna need a new narrator with his finger on the pulse of today's Gaming Elite. A here he is! Right, so, yeah. What was happening? There was talk of boobs. Did anything come of that? Are there, like, pictures or something? No? Okay, so we've got a talking robo-monkey and our hapless heroes are about to engage it in conversation, probably. So, let's watch! "TALKING TREE-MONKEY!" yelled Spink, before diving behind Rogue for protection. "Don't worry, I'll protect your boobs, m'lady!" Spink's hands got within an inch of Rogue's chest before he was hurled off a bridge and eaten by a robo-piranha. He reappeared a moment later. "I lost that ring I found, dammit!" "Right," said Rogue through gritted teeth, "let's get something straight. See these? These are my boobs, not yours. You don't touch the boobs. Didn't anyone teach you about proper social interaction?" "I'm a gamer, so no. Also, we're having a grand adventure and everyone knows that when a man and a woman go on an adventure together, they wind up having the sexy times. I'm just trying to speed the process along!" "There will be no sexy times, so get that out of your mind and then get your mind out of the gutter and then soak your mind in bleach." The monkey was bored. "Hey, you realise you only have ten minutes to complete this level don't you? You've already used two bickering. Let's get a move on!" Singular Scribbler Secretly a bit confused, she waited until Spink turned before poking her chest. The soft globes jiggled and bounced a bit under the words printed on her t-shirt. She'd been told they were pretty big, and heard from far to many of her gamer friends that big breasts were good breasts, but she still didn't get it. Shrugging her shoulders, she turned her attention to verbal war her companion had engaged in with the electronic monkey.The two were babbling on and on with such intellectual language as "idiot" and "stupid face." She marveled at the caliber of the conversation before she leaped into the air, curled herself into the smallest ball possible, and bounced off the top of the monkey. His head dug sharply into her side for a fraction of a second before he exploded into a colorful array of red, orange, yellow and white pixels. The explosion warmed her back as she spun to the ground and landed, miraculously, back on her feet. The course in front of her looked fairly straightforward, which gave her an idea. "Hey, Spink. You know what I've always wanted to try?" Without waiting for his reply, a common occurrence, she bent over and started to spin again. She'd never been able to understand how Sonic stayed in place, but she didn't question it now. the world blurred around her as she went faster and faster. For half a second the considered that it might be a dumb idea, then she shot off like a hyper toddler on Halloween. Blurs of brown and green passed under her in a whir. She could only wonder if Spink followed. Thankfully, she was also too dizzy to worry about how short and sucky this post was. Thank goodness a more hilarious addition was on the horizon. All she had to do was hold on before she puked. Spink - Engaged! As the ball of Rogue rocketed out of sight, Spink began to wish that they were in a game that had actual physics and not just crazy cartoon abilities that make no damn sense. However, given that he was stuck here, he decided to join in. Rolling into a tight ball, he span on the spot just like Rogue and shot of after her.It was difficult to see where he was going, but there were definitely a lot of drops and, at one point, a loop-the-loop, but after about thirty seconds he came to a graceful stop using a solid brick wall and his face. A large metal bug was glaring at him from a ledge and Rogue was nowhere to be found. "Hey, bug dude! Did you see an awesome pair of boobs attached to a women go past here?" "Yeah," said the bug, "she jumped on my head, but I stuck some spikes in her and she ran off chasing a load of rings that fell out of her cleavage." "Awesome. So if I come up there, are you going to kill me?" "Well, it's kind of my job, but to be honest, if you don't land directly on my back, there isn't much I can do to stop you." "Sweet." With a quick hop, Spink was on the ledge. Another hop saw him safely over the bug, where he started running full tilt in the direction of Rogue's chest. After a few seconds he saw her. She was standing next to a large sign with her own face on it and staring into the sky at... at... the end-level boss. Singular Scribbler Before either one of them had time so say anything, a space ship slid into view with a giant checkered ball on a long thick chain swinging from the bottom."Haha. Ball and chain. Kinky." Spink snickered to himself. With no apparent initial force, the chain began to swing, faster and faster. For some reason, the two of them began to run. Rogue tried to stay still, but after a few seconds some invisible force pushed her forward and propelled her legs forward. Suddenly, a devilish grin crossed her face. "Hey Spink. Whoever deals the final blow gets to pick the next game. Deal?" For an instant, Spink's eyes glazed over, no doubt thoughts of scantily clad, computer generated women danced around in his head. He could imagine the perfect beach, lined with beautiful blue water, the sun reflecting off the sand to warm bronzed... "Spink!" A large mass collided with his chest, forcing him to the ground. "Pay attention. There's a GIANT SWINGING BALL OF DEATH!!! Do try to stay focused." Rogue took a deep breath, then rolled off her friend. "If I win, maybe we'll play a Barbie game. We can dress you up like Peach." Jumping up on her feet, she looked down a him. "Or we could try LEGO Star Wars. We'll hang out with Jar-Jar the whole time. Wouldn't that be marvelous?" She winked, then ran and jumped into the air, skillfully landing on top of the skip and sending it into colorful spasms. © Copyright 2010 Spink - Engaged!, Singular Scribbler, (known as GROUP). All rights reserved. GROUP has granted Writing.Com, its affiliates and its syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work. |
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