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| >> Campfire Creative >> Script/Play >> Comedy >> ID #882360 |   |
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[Introduction]
If you have read "Fun with Stevie and MaryLou"  , then you know they were living in a shack. But now it's two years later....Steve is selling his writing. They have money inherited from Miss Ethel. So they have moved to an apartment in the city and MaryLou is going back to school to get a college degree.   And then they got married! Check out "Steve and MaryLou Get Domestic" . |
 Steve Ellen [MaryLou bounces in, throws her backpack on the table.]STEVE: How was your first day at school? MaryLou MaryLou: Humph! I don't want to talk about it! Steve Ellen STEVE: It was that bad? But you were so excited when you left this morning. What went wrong? MaryLou MaryLou: I shouldn't be in college. It's not for the likes of me! College is for smart people, and I'm dumb, dumb, dumb! Steve Ellen STEVE: Nonsense! So what happened? You know what I think? You got in there and remembered that you didn't like schoolwork the first time around! So why would you like it now! MaryLou MaryLou: No! It's not that. It's because...[sniff] I [sniff] talk so [sniff] funny! [sniff] Steve Ellen Talk funny!? What's that supposed to mean? You were born in this state, for gosh sakes. You talk like everybody else. MaryLou No, I don't! [sniff] They all use big words that [sniff] I just don't know what they mean! And [sniff] I'm afraid to ask, cause they all seem to know, and I don't [sniff] want to appear stupid [sniff]And besides that, I DO talk funny! They all talk real nice like. Like that man on that TV show you love to watch...what's his name? Steve Ellen David Letterman? Well, if it's big words you want, all you have to do is memorize a few and throw them into the conversation every now and then. For example, "loquacious" means "talks a lot", so you could say, "Gee, Professor Bumpkin, y'all sure is loquacious today." See how that works? MaryLou [MaryLou perks up.]Really, honey? And you think they'll all think I'm smart if I use big words like them, even if I's don't know what they mean? Steve Ellen Sure! How do you know THEY know what the words mean? Nobody is gonna question your big words.But you ought to know what the words mean before you use them. I'm sorry, but I guess you are gonna have to memorize that, too. But that's why you are going to school, isn't it? To memorize stuff? That's what it's all about. Or is it about those college boys? MaryLou [MaryLou rolls her eyes.]MaryLou: Geez, Stevie! More'n two years I've been with you, and you STILL trying to pawn me off?! When are you just gonna admit, once and for all, that you can't live without me?! [giggles] Steve Ellen STEVE: Says you! [grins]So what do college kids look like nowadays? See anything odd? Any piercings, mohawks, blue hair? Hey, I'll bet you had the most tattoos of anybody! Hahaha! MaryLou MaryLou: You bet I did! You shoulda seen the look on my Prof's face when I opened my blouse and showed the student next to me the big, red heart on my [cough] with Stevie inside it! hehehehehe Steve Ellen Already showing things? Mmmm-mmm! It didn't take you long! Hahaha!So what's the professor's name? Is he from the South? MaryLou MaryLou: His name is Dr. Green, and he's from Boston. Says "car" like "cah" He cracks me up! heheheheheSo what'd you fix me for dinner, sweets? I'm hungry! Aren't you glad that we don't have to steal groceries anymore? Steve Ellen Uh-huh. I had an omelet -- onions, green peppers, and mushrooms. You want one? It will only take ten minutes to make it... MaryLou Yuck! You KNOW I hate eggs, onions, and green peppers! What else we got to eat here? Steve Ellen Hmmmm... Couple slices of leftover pizza, some frozen egg rolls, potatoes... Want a baked potato?... bread... You could have a sandwich... Let's see... cans... tuna fish, ravioli, beans, sardines...I think I'm getting hungry again. MaryLou How bout if I fry us up some french-fried taters and make some tuna fish sandwiches? We got any mayo and pickles in there?[A black kitten brushes against MaryLou's leg. She reaches down and picks the kitty up.] Hey, Morgana! Was ole Stevie nice to you today? Honey, you miss Chompy? I sure do! Steve Ellen I'm sure that Chompy is happy in his new home. That was great of Ling Roo's parents to pay for shipping him to China. You wouldn't think a girl and a shark would get on so well together.What do you think, Morgana? [rubs kitty's neck] Would you like a big fish to play with? MaryLou haha! I think she's happy with your old socks. Good thing we didn't sell ALL of them on ebay, huh? hahaha!I'm gonna go fix dinner now. You want to eat at the table, or bring you a TV tray to the living room, sweetie? Steve Ellen At the table. You better fix something for Morgana. The smell of tuna is driving her crazy.[Morgana is pacing the kitchen floor, mewing and twitching her tale.] MaryLou Oh, she knows she always gets a little sumpin, dontcha, baby? [MaryLou throws Morgana some tuna. She catches it in her mouth.] Lookathere, Stevie! She eats her food just like Chompy always did! hehehehe Steve Ellen You kind of miss Chompy, don't you? Maybe we can train Morgana to catch chickens. Heehee... MaryLou Of course I miss Chompy! He's the reason we got together, dontcha remember?! If my poor Scruffy hadn't strayed so close to your pool, why, we might never have met! BTW, I don't think I ever told you before, but I'm so sorry I kicked you in the shin that time. [MaryLou kisses Steve's cheek.] Chow is served! What you want to drink, honey? Steve Ellen Whatever we got. Iced tea?Did you know one of our neighbors was an artist? MaryLou Oh, you mean Simon? Sure I knew! He said he wanted to use my hands for a painting of his. He says I've got 'the most lovely hands' hehe Steve Ellen Well, as the 3rd grade teacher told me: Keep your hands to yourself! And just how does Simon plan to "use" your hands? And what will his hands be doing? MaryLou [MaryLou laughs.] awwwww jealous, are we? Don't worry, sweetie. I told him no, of course. Steve Ellen Next morning...Hey, MaryLou, you don't have any school today. Let's go shopping. MaryLou Shopping?! Right on! What we gonna go shopping for? I could use some new 'bloomers'! hehehehehe Steve Ellen So could I! Let's just go buy a bunch of crap we don't need. But cheap crap. Think of what we could do with a hundred dollar bill in Walmart. MaryLou Hey, sweetie! You know what I saw today that I'd like to get? Some pimply-faced kid was walking around school yesterday with one of them digital cameras, he said it was. Could we get one of those? Please? I give ya a massage! [winks at him] Steve Ellen Digital camera? Sure. Why not? Oh good. Now we know what we are going to buy. We won't be walking around with lost, puzzled looks on our faces. (grins) MaryLou [MaryLou jumps in his arms.] Oh, honey, you are sooo good to me! I love it that you buy me stuff! But, I loved ya too even when you didn't. [kisses his cheek] Steve Ellen STEVE: [Laughs] And just think, if it hadn't been for Miss Ethel's murder, we'd still be living in that shack. You know what I mean. I would have never written that novel based on her murder. And we wouldn't have the money from the will.It's like the circle of life. Did you ever see The Lion King? [Steve raises his glass of orange juice] Here's to Miss Ethel! I'm ready to go shopping. How about you? MaryLou Baby, I'm ALWAYS ready to go shoppin'! Can I get some of that fancy perfume you like so much, too? Steve Ellen Uhhh... Maybe now is the time to tell you that I don't like "L'Odeur d'un Poisson-chat" as much as I used to. But I don't mind spending a lot of money to make you smell good. Whatever it takes. Why don't we experiment with something new? Like "Forbidden Female" or "Tantalizing Teaser" or maybe that new Nike perfume "Olympic Woman"? And there are all those K-Mart perfumes you haven't tried yet: "Mad Martha", "Blue Light Special", and "Thrifty Sniff"... MaryLou Olympic Woman? Sounds dangerous! I don't wanna be dangerous, but 'forbidden' and 'tantalizing' sound okay. I'll pass on the "Mad Martha" thank you very much.[They arrive at the City Mall.] Oh, look at all the stores, sugar! And just think, we can buy whatever we want! It's nice havin money, huh? I bet your rich relatives are jealous of you now! [giggles] So, where do you want to go first? Steve Ellen Hey look! There's a clown giving away balloons! MaryLou [MaryLou screams and runs away.]Steve: Hey! MaryLou! Where you goin? Steve Ellen Geez! Is that one of her fears? How am I supposed to remember them all? MaryLou! MaryLoooouuuuuu! MaryLou [Steve finally catches up to MaryLou outside the Dillard's store. She is crouched on the ground, whimpering and shaking. People are walking by and staring, but no one approaches her to ask if she's okay.][Steve sits down beside her and rubs her arm. She raises her head from where it had been buried into her arms.] Oh, Stevie! We have to go! We need to get out of here! There might be more of 'em around here! Steve Ellen More of what? MaryLou [MaryLou glares at him.]You know what! Why you tryin' to make me say it?! Steve Ellen Oh! You mean honk-honk with the balloons? Do you want me to kill him? MaryLou YES! Kill them all! Steve Ellen Okay. [Steve reaches into his pocket and withdraws a big pocket knife] Look what I brought with me... {He flicks it open to reveal a long shiny blade] Got my sticker! Heh heh! You wait here. When you hear the balloons pop, it'll be safe. MaryLou [MaryLou grabs Steve's arm tightly.]No! I was just kidding! You can't do things like that here in the City, honey! It's not like how it was at home; here, they'll throw you in jail just for having that knife! Put it up, and we'll go do our shopping. I'll be okay, as long as we stay far away from that thing. Steve Ellen Okay. It's a big mall. We'll just go the other way. Look, there's a NASCAR store! Maybe they have that Kevin Hardwicke hat I been looking for. MaryLou Ooooo, let's go look, sugar! You'd look so cool in that hat![They enter the store. Steve trips and knocks over a display stand. Yes, he's still clumsy. Being rich has not fixed his clutziness.] Steve Ellen Oops! Hmmm... I don't see that hat. They got some nice stuff. Oh man! Look at these prices! Yeah, I know we can afford it, but it's still outrageous.Let's find you something. There's a Victoria's Secret over there. Want to try on clothes? MaryLou hehehehe Sure, sweetie! You know how I love Victoria's Secret. Steve Ellen Let's see... Ooooo... what have we here? [Holds up something smooth and silky] This feels good. Wonder what it looks like on you? MaryLou [MaryLou giggles.] Well, love, you know there's only one way to find that out. Steve Ellen Buy it? Is this your size? MaryLou Is that my size?! Is that your macho man attitude, pretending you don't know what size I wear? hehe Steve Ellen Are women's sizes that accurate? You know, when I buy shirts I never know whether they are gonna fit right or not. Seems like every shirt is different, even though they are all labeled the same size. MaryLou [laughs] Oh, never mind. Let me see it. A medium. Yes, that should fit. But don't you think we should get a red or black one, rather than fluorescent pink? Steve Ellen How about this one? What color is that? It's kind of an ivory but glowing like a pearl. MaryLou Heck, I don't know. Do I look like one of them ole fashion designers? It sure is pretty, though! Let's pay for it, then we can go look at them digital cameras, okay, sugar? Steve Ellen Uh-oh! Duck down! There's a *honk-honk* right outside this shop! MaryLou [MaryLou screams and dives into the dressing room.] Steve Ellen STEVE: [to saleslady] Say, is there any back way out of this place?SALESLADY: Well, there is the freight entrance, but customers aren't allowed to use it. [Steve runs to the back of the store and checks the freight door. Unlocked! He runs to the dressingrooms. Knocks on door.] STEVE: MaryLou! Come out. We can go out the back way. MaryLou [MaryLou emerges from the dressing room, visibly shaking.]Is the creature gone? [Looks around frantically] Steve Ellen STEVE: No, but we can go out the back door of this shop. Come on!SALESLADY: Just a minute, Sir. That exit is not for customer use. STEVE: You don't understand. There is a *honk honk* out there in front of your shop. We can't leave that way. Thanks! [Steve and MaryLou slip out the back door. SALESLADY: Security! MaryLou [Steve and MaryLou are now running down the corridors behind the mall, trying to evade the security guard.]MaryLou: Oh, what fun! Reminds me of the old days when you had me swipe groceries from the MagicMart! Steve Ellen Through here. We can get to the car this way. [laughs] Are we doomed to be always running from the law no matter how respectable we become? MaryLou Probably! I guess it's just our personalities. [giggles] [They jump in the car and roar away as the security guard comes running up to them.] Haha! That was so exciting! Just like in the movies! Even better that spending lots of money. Steve Ellen Whew! Sure is! This calls for a chocolate shake from Mickey D's, the perfect drink to accompany a crime spree. MaryLou Vanilla yogurt for me, thank you very much. I've got to stay slim for my man, dontcha know? [giggles] Steve Ellen Mmmm, frozen yogurt does sound good. I'll go with that, too. MaryLou Say, honey, did Simon invite you to his art exhibit? He told me about it last night. You wanna go? Steve Ellen Sure! Let's go!Several days later, at the art exhibit... Look at this one, MaryLou. He really knows how to paint naked women, doesn't he? I've always thought that being an artist is an excellent occupation. MaryLou Ha ha! Just you stop staring at those nudie pictures! Let's go over there where the bowls of fruit are. You can tell me which one is the mango. Steve Ellen Is that Simon over there? I want to meet him. MaryLou Yes, that's Simon, the one with the long black hair in the ponytail. C'mon. I'll introduce you, sugar.[Steve and MaryLou walk over to where Simon is standing.] Simon: Ah, MaryLou! How wonderful that you could come! [kisses both her cheeks] [MaryLou smiles.] Hello, Simon. I would like you to meet my friend, Steve. Steve, this is Simon. He lives in the same building we do. Steve Ellen STEVE: Hello, I was admiring your work. You have a good eye for the female figure.SIMON: Well, I have some wonderful models to work with. I don't create beauty, I just copy what nature provides. [Simon winks at MaryLou] STEVE: So you just look at the model and paint? You make it sound easy. SIMON: Well, I've been doing it a long time. You say we live in the same building? Why don't you drop by my studio sometime? It's on the first floor. STEVE: Yeah, I saw your sign. Thanks! I'll stop by. [MaryLou kicks his leg} I mean, WE will drop by. [grins] MaryLou [MaryLou frowns at Steve.]MaryLou: Well, Simon, we'll let you get back to work now. We just wanted to let you know we enjoyed seeing your paintings. Simon: Ah, dahling, I'm so pleased to hear you say that. Your admiration is everything to me. [grabs her hands and kisses them] I will be seeing you soon, dahling. MaryLou [flustered]: Um, yeah, sure. Bye bye. [grabs Steve's hand and pulls him away] Steve: Hey! Why you pulling me so hard, MooLoo? MaryLou [glaring at him]: Why did you tell him we would come to his studio?! I told you I didn't want to go there! Steve Ellen STEVE: I thought you meant you didn't want to go there by yourself. Hey, it's no problem. I can go without you. I just thought when you kicked my leg that you wanted to go with me. Heehee! I don't understand kick talk too well! MaryLou Fine, go by yourself! Enjoy all the nudie pictures while you're there! I know that's the reason you want to go to his studio so bad! You're hoping he'll have a live model there! [stomps away] Steve Ellen [follows MaryLou] Well, I am kind of curious about how he does those great paintings. It's not about the model. I'm sure she isn't there all the time. She probably won't even be there when I visit.Want to look at more pictures or do you want to get something to eat? [tall woman with short dark hair and black wireframe glasses walks over] WOMAN: Are you Steve Ellen? STEVE: That's me. WOMAN: I read your book, "Who Killed Miss Ethel?". I loved it! STEVE: [big smile] Thanks! This is my writing partner, MaryLou. WOMAN: Hi. You and Steve make a good team. My name is Francine. I'm an editor at Instant Books. If you two have anything else written, I would love to see it. [hands Steve her card] STEVE: Thanks, Francine! We're working on something now. I'll call you when I have enough to show you. FRANCINE: Great! I'm looking forward to it. MaryLou [Francine walks away.]MaryLou: Writing partner?! So now you introduce me as your writing partner? You know darn well I didn't write a word of that book! So why you call me your writing partner, huh? 'Cause you don't want to introduce me as your girlfriend? Or that word they always say now, significant other? Huh? Is that it?! Steve Ellen Of course you're my writing partner, babe! Didn't you read the book? Take you out and what's left? An old bum with a shark, a dead old lady, and a neighborhood full of weirdoes! You ARE the book! If that doesn't make you a "partner", then I don't know what would... Besides, you're spending half the money. You better be a partner. [raises his eyebrows] MaryLou You are NOT an old bum! You never were..well, you aren't OLD, anyway. [MaryLou giggles and then slips her arm through Steve's.]Come on, sugar. Let's glance at these other paintings and then head on home. Want to try out the new jacuzzi tonight? Steve Ellen Sure. Hey, here's some of Simon's paintings that are NOT of women. What do you think of that? I thought that was all he painted. MaryLou No, that's not all he paints. But I don't really care for those dark, scary paintings. They're creepy! Steve Ellen STEVE: Yes... Looks like Simon has a dark side to him. Do you hear eerie music playing?MARYLOU: No. STEVE: Odd... Looking at this creepy painting made a chill run down my back and I heard eerie music. I hope our meeting with Simon doesn't prove to be a first step into the macabre. There! The music again! You didn't hear that? MaryLou No. I think you're freakin, honey. C'mon, let's get outta here into the fresh air. Steve Ellen Yeah, I guess I need that jacuzzi more than I thought. Do we have enough incense, bubble bath, and scented oils? I'd hate to slide into a warm tub and find out we were on our last stick of apricot incense. MaryLou Apricot ran out two days ago. But we have lots of jasmine and apple cider. And the lady from that mail order company came by yesterday and dropped off enough massage oils and bubble bath to last us a month....well, maybe a couple of weeks, anyway. [giggles][Steve and MaryLou start heading to the door. Simon sees them and rushes over to them.] Simon: MaryLou! You aren't leaving so soon, are you, dahling? I was hoping you...and ummm Steve too, of course, would meet me for a drink after the exhibit? MaryLou: Thanks, Simon, but I don't drink. Steve: But I do. Oh come on, MaryLou, one drink. What'll it hurt? [MaryLou gives Steve that "you're in so much trouble" look.] Oh, alright, if you really want to, honey. What time will you be free, Simon? We could meet at that little bar next to the apartment building, okay? Simon: I should be free here in another hour. I'll see you two there then. Steve Ellen Later, at Ermina's, a small quiet bar...STEVE: I was looking at that painting called "Last Song"... SIMON: Yes, what did you think? STEVE: It seems quite a bit darker than your usual work. SIMON: Mmmmm... I was a bit depressed when I did that one. You see my sweet Gloria had died the week before. Perhaps I was working out my grief in the paint. STEVE: And Gloria was... SIMON: Hahahaha! A girlfriend! You thought perhaps my cat or something, right? Hahaha! No, Gloria and I were madly in love, but, poor thing, she's gone now. STEVE: I'm sorry to hear it. SIMON: Well, it was terrible also because it was the second time in two years that I lost a lover. Poor Suzanne drowned one afternoon while we were at the beach. I don't have much luck with women. [winks at MaryLou] MARYLOU: Can we go, Steve? They must have the air conditioning all the way up in here. I feel cold. SIMON: Oh don't rush off, dahling. You know I haven't had a chance to tell you what a stunning figure you have. I should know. I've painted some wonderful women. But you have such a perfection of form! You are beautifully proportioned. I know you would be delightful to paint. MaryLou [MaryLou squirms uncomfortably.]MarhLou: Ummm, no, Simon. I've already told you I don't want to be painted...by anyone. Except maybe my Stevie. [laughs] Simon: You know I never take no for an answer, dahling. Steve, talk some sense into her; make her realize what a wonderful opportunity this could be for her. Steve Ellen STEVE: Hahaha! She's pretty busy with school these days, Simon.SIMON: You're a schoolteacher, dahling? MARYLOU: No, I'm a student at City College. SIMON: Ahhh. I have several models who go to City College. It's a great way for a student to earn some money. Easy work. And I pay well. STEVE: Oh, MaryLou doesn't need any money. We have all we need. Simon, it's been a pleasure, but we need to get home. SIMON: Don't forget to drop by the studio. STEVE: I'll do that. See you later. MaryLou Back in their apartment...MaryLou: Stevie, I really wish you wouldn't get involved with Simon. I don't like him. He's creepy! Steve Ellen STEVE: I know what you mean. Haha! He's a real oddball. But they say most artists are kind of weird. Not like writers. Writers are very sane and normal. Right? MaryLou Ha ha very funny! No, love, I'm SERIOUS! I think he's dangerous. Remember how he talked about his two dead girlfriends? Did you see his eyes when he said that? They looked....excited-like. Steve Ellen I know. He gave me the creeps, too. I'm just trying to laugh it off.Mmmm... The smell of jasmine... Shall we? Later... That was great. I feel much better now. Hey, what did you think of that editor from Instant Books? What was her name? Francine? MaryLou [MaryLou doesn't answer. She's sulking.] Steve Ellen STEVE: Are you still keeping that journal? We can work up our exploits here in the city into a short novel and see waht she thinks of it.[No reply from MaryLou] Why the long face, MooLoo? MaryLou [MaryLou glares at Steve.] I'm still mad that you told her I was your writing partner! You liked her, didn't you?! Now that you're all big time in the City, you wanna move on and find you one of them high-class ladies, dont you?! [starts to cry, runs off into the bathroom and locks the door] Steve Ellen Oh for heaven's sake! [knocks on bathroom door] You have it all wrong, MooLoo. You can deal with her yourself and I won't see her. But our writing is important. We can't throw away my writing career just because you insist on getting jealous of everyone we meet. You have to be more reasonable. I don't have any control over who we have to do business with. Anyway, how do you know Francine isn't married? You know NOTHING about her and yet you want to jump to the conclusion that she is a threat to you. IT'S IRRATIONAL! MaryLou [MaryLou throws open the door suddenly which causes Steve to jump back.]Irrational, huh?! Did YOU ever stop to consider that MAYBE I wouldn't think others were a threat to me IF you made me feel more SECURE in our relationship?! I've lived with you for over two years, and you STILL can't bring yourself to acknowledge me as anything other than a "roommate" or a "writing partner" Steve Ellen Good point, MooLoo. But when you moved in I very carefully explained that I have Affection Deficiency Syndrome. I haven't suddenly been cured. I think you are getting restless and starting to wonder if you should seek affection elsewhere.As far as what to call you -- what do you WANT to be called? Wouldn't it be simpler just to tell me what you want to be called instead of always criticizing whatever I call you? MaryLou No, I am NOT thinking about seeking affection from somewhere else! I am seeking affection from YOU! I am here, because I want to be. Is it too much to ask that you not treat me as your 'best bud' around other people? What, are you ashamed of me? Steve Ellen I don't like public displays of affection. You know that. Why are you acting like you just met me last night? Zheesh, you've known all this for years.Why are YOU afraid to tell me exactly what to call you when we are introduced to new people? Because it will take away something you like to complain about? MaryLou I'm not asking you to drool all over me and cling to me like Saran Wrap! Just not to act as if we have NO relationship whatsoever!AND I don't want to tell you what I'd like for you to call me, because YOU don't want to hear it! Steve Ellen No, I DO want to hear it! Tell me! Tell me! MaryLou Fine! But I KNOW you won't want to hear it!!I want you to introduce me as your fiancee! There, you happy now?! [slams the bathroom door again] Steve Ellen Hahahahahahahaha! Come on! You're joking, right? You said you would NEVER marry again. You said that after five husbands, you figured marriage was just not your thing. MaryLou MaryLou[in a muffled voice]: That was [sniff] two years ago!! Things change! [sounds much like sobbing can be heard through the door] Steve Ellen Ohhhh... Hmmm... Well I don't mind introducing you as my fiancee as long as you and I both know that we aren't getting married anytime soon... So if anybody asks us "when?", then we'll have to say we haven't set a date, yet. MaryLou Oh thank you SO MUCH! I feel so much [sniff] better now! Just go to bed, Stevie. I want to be alone for awhile. Steve Ellen Don't fall asleep in the bathroom. Remember when you fell off the commode and hit your head on the side of the tub? MaryLou [MaryLou throws a shoe at the door.] BAM! Steve Ellen I guess you remember... MaryLou LEAVE ME ALONE! [sob] Steve Ellen zzzzzzzzz MaryLou [MaryLou hides in the bathroom until she is sure that Steve is deep into sleep. Then she eases the door open and tip toes across the room, heading for the bedroom door. Unfortunately, she steps on Morgana in the dark, causing the cat to let out a horrible screech.]Steve: huh? whaz tha? [MaryLou runs out of the bedroom, and out of the apartment.] Steve Ellen [Steve goes back to sleep. He is so thoroughly worn out from MaryLou's emotional harrassment of him that he can hardly keep his eyes open.]The next morning... Hmmm... Where's MaryLou? Well, Morgana is still here and she wouldn't leave Morgana behind... Geez, as soon as we just start to get a little successful, she wants to sabotage it all by acting crazy. MaryLou [MaryLou spent the night at a 24hour diner, drinking cup after cup of coffee, refusing all the waitress' attempts to make her leave. Or stop crying.][Simon wanders into the restaurant at 7am. He sees MaryLou at a booth and slides in next to her.] Simon: Oh, sweet dahling. What has so upset you? [He puts his arm around her.] Steve Ellen MARYLOU: That *sob* chucklehead Steve doesn't appreciate me. Boo hoo hoooooo...[Simon gives MaryLou a warm comforting hug] SIMON: Now, now, dahling, how can a lovely woman like you be so sad. You are beautiful! What kind of scoundrel could fail to see that? MARYLOU: The Steve kind. Boo hoo hooooo.... SIMON: How can he be so blind? MARYLOU: Yeah... *sob* ...the @$$*#^! SIMON: I used to have the same problem myself. If I talked with Steve, then I'm sure I could make him see the light. Why don't I have a little talk with Steve? MARYLOU: *sob* Would you? *sniff* SIMON: Of course, love. You can wait in my studio while I talk to Steve... MARYLOU: *sniff" I don't know if I should... SIMON: I insist! It's warm and cozy and the perfect place to wait for Steve to come running to you with open arms. MARYLOU: [smiles] Will he do that? SIMON: I guarantee it, dahling! Come on, let's go to my studio. MaryLou [MaryLou waits in Simon's studio while he goes to talk to Steve. She amuses herself by wandering around the studio. She is half-intriqued, half-repulsed by his paintings.]"This guy is soout there!" [Meanwhile, Simon knocks on their apartment door.] Steve Ellen STEVE: Simon! How's it going?SIMON: MaryLou is in my studio. STEVE: What? Why? SIMON: She doesn't think you love her. STEVE: Love! Don't talk to me about love, Simon. It's not one of my skills. SIMON: Why do you say that? It's everyone's "skill", isn't it? STEVE: Not me, Simon. I'm too rational. Love is irrational. SIMON: Well, I'm not sure what you mean. You don't strike me as being any more "rational" than anybody else. STEVE: What do you know? You're an artist. SIMON: I'm beginning to see why you rub MaryLou the wrong way. STEVE: Yeah? Well, don't get any ideas about who is going to be rubbing MaryLou. Let's go to your studio. MaryLou Simon: Hold on, we need to talk about this more before you meet MaryLou. I'm telling you, man, she is very upset. What happened between you two?Steve: I don't see how that's any of your business, Simon. Steve Ellen SIMON: Steve, I'm an old hand at the love game. You just admitted you're an amateur.STEVE: Those weren't my words! SIMON: But we both know it's true, don't we? [Simon puts a friendly hand on Steve's shoulder.] STEVE: I'm listening. MaryLou Simon: I hate to sound like an overly protective father, but just what are your intentions regarding MaryLou? Steve Ellen STEVE: [Pushes Simon's hand off his shoulder] Hahahahaha! Simon, if there is one thing I know about you, it's that you aren't a father figure. And nobody would trust you with their daughter. Haha!So stuff it about me and MaryLou. She's with me, not you, and that's all you need to know, isn't it? SIMON: [with a wry smile] I suppose so. STEVE: Let's go to your studio. MaryLou is probably hungry and looking for some breakfast. MaryLou [MaryLou is gazing intently at one of Simon's gothic paintings when he and Steve enter the studio.]MaryLou [glancing at Steve]: Oh, it's you. Steve Ellen STEVE: Feeling hungry? How about some blueberry pancakes? MaryLou MaryLou: No, thank you. I'm not hungry. Steve Ellen STEVE: Well, time to go. We don't want to keep Simon from his work. MaryLou MaryLou: Humph, maybe I don't WANT to go. Why should I? Steve Ellen Simon wants to buy you from me. MaryLou BUY?! You two think I'm some thing that ya can buy, sell, or trade?! Steve Ellen SIMON: Hold on now, Steve. You know I never said such a thing!STEVE: But you were thinking it, weren't you? Come on, MaryLou! Let's get away from this creep before something terrible happens to you. Steve grabs MaryLou's hand and pulls her out of the studio. MaryLou stares over her shoulder at Simon in case he tries to attack them. After the door closes on MaryLou and Steve, Simon shakes his head in wonder and mutters, "All writers are insane. Now where did I put that new tube of Thalo Blue. I feel one of my blue paintings coming on..." Back at the love nest... STEVE: Whew! I got you out of there just in time! No telling what that monster had on his mind. He must have had you hypnotized! MARYLOU: [Still dazed from the sudden rush back to the apartment] He did? STEVE: Oh yeah! Those artists are like spiders. They hypnotize their models and do unspeakable things to them and then when the "modeling" session is over the poor girl remembers nothing. But years later she might wake up screaming from a nightmare as the memory of that horrible day slowly seeps back into her consciousness. MARYLOU: How do you know all that? STEVE: I read. MARYLOU: What are the "unspeakable things"? STEVE: How can I tell you? They're unspeakable. MaryLou [MaryLou looks suspiciously at Steve.]: I think it's YOU that has me hypnotized. Steve Ellen STEVE: [Pulling MaryLou into his arms] You think so? [Steve looks deep into MaryLou's eyes]MARYLOU: Uh-huh... STEVE: Does it feel good? MARYLOU: Maybe... STEVE: How about now?... Later, at the kitchen table... STEVE: Got any more of those blueberry pancakes ready? MARYLOU: Coming up, sweetie! STEVE: Mmmmmm... Delicious! MaryLou MaryLou: Do you need more coffee? Bacon? Steve: That'd be great, MooLoo. By the way, have I told you lately how much your cooking has improved? You're becoming a regular Julia Child! MaryLou [blushes]: Oh, stop! I am not. [laughs] Steve Ellen STEVE: Yes you are! [grins] Except for the being dead part, of course. You are very much alive!MARYLOU: [giggling] Oh Stevie! You're the funniest, most wonderful man in the whole world! STEVE: [looking quite pleased] Yes... Yes... And you are the prettiest, most wonderful WOMAN in the whole world! MaryLou Woman? Did you say WOMAN?! [MaryLou is shocked.] Steve Ellen Uhh... Yeah... You ARE a woman, aren't you? OMIGOD! Am I the victim of some cruel psychological prank? Have I been living for two years with a man who had a sex change operation? Please say it ain't so, MaryLou! Please tell me your name was never Barry, Harry, Daryl, or Louis! MaryLou [laughs]Of course not, you loon! [refills his coffee cup and hands him the sugar bowl] So, what will we do today, love? Steve Ellen Oh my. Have you forgotten you have to go to school today? I can imagine how well you're gonna keep up with your homework.While you're at school, I'll be writing. When the sun sets, we'll resume our nefarious activities. Got the schedule straight? MaryLou It's YOU that's forgotten, love! [laughs] It's Labor Day; I don't have class today. Steve Ellen What are you using? Last year's calendar? Labor Day is on Monday, the 6th of september, this year. Today is Thursday the 2nd. You better hurry off to school before you are late! MaryLou No matter. They can do without me for one day. I want to stay in with you today. Steve Ellen Awwww... That's sweet. Hey, we can brainstorm ideas for the proposal we're going to write for what's-her-name. What's the name of that editor from Instant Books? MaryLou [MaryLou laughs.] Do you really think I'd remember that witch's name?[The doorbell rings. Steve goes to answer it.] Steve Ellen [Steve stands at the door without answering it. He snaps his fingers.]STEVE: Now I remember. It was Francine! MARYLOU: Fine. Francine. Now answer the door. [A man in a pale yellow business suit stands at the door.] STEVE: Yes? MAN: Are you Andrew Grimhead? STEVE: No. MAN: Is this Number 151? STEVE: No. Next door. MAN: Sorry. STEVE: No prob. [Steve closes door.] Yeah, that editor's name was Francine. We gotta get something done for her. I was thinking maybe a horror tale. What do you think? MaryLou Oh that'd be great! I got a good plot too...See, this man and woman been living together for two years, right? And the man thinks "why buy the cow when the milk is free"? But the woman has other ideas, see? She wants to be an "honest" woman. So she comes up with this whole plan to make him realize how much he loves and needs her. She 'disappears' under mysterious circumstances, see? And at first the cops think he did something to her. And then, he starts seeing her all over the place, streets, cars, restaurants, etc. Or so he thinks. He can't really be sure it's her. So she stays on his mind all the time. And then he starts having dreams in which she comes to their old apartment. BUT are they really dreams? hehehehe ******************************************** Hello! This is Steve (the writer, not the character in the campfire  )I liked MaryLou's plot idea so much that I opened a contest. Check it out...
******************************************** Steve Ellen Hmmmm.... That's good. That's very good. But it doesn't sound horrible enough. Let's make her so emotionally needy that no matter what he says or does it's not enough. The ending can be really gruesome. She has him tied up and helpless. He has been reduced to sobs, crying "...but I love you, I love you..." She says "...but not ENOUGH!" and uses a butcher knife to carve his still-beating heart out of his chest. MaryLou No! That's no good. She'd never want to carve out his heart! See, she loves him and just wants him to be as committed to her as she is to him. [grins] Steve Ellen Ohhhhhh, I see. But that sounds more like a romance than a horror tale. Maybe a romantic thriller, huh? Will she find true love or not? Too bad we don't find out until the end of the book. *chuckles* MaryLou You are SUCH a brat, you know that?! [sits down in Steve's lap] But you're MY brat...aren't you? Steve Ellen *grins* You never get tired of trying to pin me down, do you? Where did you get that Insecurity Complex? No! Don't tell me. Let's put our energy into writing that horror story.One week later... [Steve is standing by the door, waiting...] Hurry up! We don't want to be late for our appointment with Francine. MaryLou [MaryLou emerges from the bedroom.]MaryLou: Okay, I'm ready to go now. [Steve turns around and gasps in shock.] Steve: MooLoo, what the heck have you done to yourself? Steve Ellen MaryLou: What? This?[MaryLou's entire body is painted green. She is naked except for two little silver snakes curled around her breasts and a silver beaded loincloth affair. On her head is a rhinestone tiarra that she won at the county fair.] STEVE: [hands on hips] Is this some kind of protest? MaryLou MaryLou: What? You don't like it? I'm the female version of The Green Man! Steve Ellen STEVE: Well, I don't see how you can change in time to make the appointment. Now do you see what's going to happen here?I'll go alone to meet Francine. You won't know what was said or done, so your jealous mind will make up fantastical stories about the meeting. Then I'll come home and you will be emotionally bent out of shape and make both of our lives miserable for some unknown period of time... You know what? It's not gonna be you this time. You wanna play irrational? Fine! I'm not going to the meeting. Screw the job, screw the book, screw the opportunity to be something! [Steve goes into the study, slamming the door behind him] MaryLou [Five minutes later.][MaryLou knocks gently at the study door.] Stevie? Can I come in? Steve Ellen [Steve opens the door. He is wearing a paper bag over his head. There are two holes cut out for his eyes to look through.]STEVE: Yes? May I help you? MaryLou [As repentant as MaryLou is feeling, she can't help but laugh at Steve's new look.]hahahaha Stevie! Okay, I get your point. Now will you listen to me for a moment? I called Francine, and before I could ask her if it'd be okay if we were a little late, she told me that something very unexpected came up and she couldn't meet us for lunch. She was just about to call you about it. So she wants to meet us for dinner instead. I told her that'd be fine. It is fine, isn't it? Steve Ellen [Steve pulls bag off of his head. Grins.]STEVE: Sure. Of course it's fine. Now since you are dresssed for it, let's dance! [Steve grabs MaryLou and they whirl around the room laughing until they fall down.] STEVE: You're lucky she rescheduled that appointment. I was going to make you put on a long coat and go downtown with me. MaryLou I'm sorry, sweetie. It's just that you've seemed to change so much, now that we've moved here. All you talk and think about is making more money and becoming famous. It scares me sometimes. Steve Ellen Yeah. I know what you mean. It scares me, too.On the other hand, it's been years since I felt so alive and energized. Back at the shack, sitting around watching the grass grow... It was comforting and peaceful. But I like the feelings of urgency, speed, importance, progress, change that this city gives me. We're not living in the shack anymore, MaryLou. It's scarey because it's different. But it's good because it's different. It's the same thing with you wanting to go to school, don't you see? Change! Progress! Development! Evolution! MaryLou I meant...I'm scared that you're going to change so much that you will outgrow a hillbilly girl like me. I'm not smart like you. I'm afraid one day you'll realize I'm an embarassment to have around, when you become a big-time writer. I'll never be able to keep up with that, to do the things you do. I'm scared I'll be left behind. Steve Ellen Awww... You got nothing to worry about. You're already way better than what I deserve, so you got plenty of wiggle room. Big-time? Nooo... I know it will never be the BIG big-time. I just want us to have enough money so we don't end up back in the shack! I like your hillbilly accent! Besides, you know I don't sound like anything other than what I am, so why worry about the way we sound? Like everybody else, we'll do what we can do and hope for the best. MaryLou [MaryLou grins] Okie, love, I'll try not to worry. Sooo, you feel like helping me wash off this green paint? Steve Ellen Sounds like a job for the hot tub! I'll get the bubble bath powder. MaryLou [Later that evening....MaryLou, now green-free, and Steve are all set to go meet Francine for dinner to discuss the proposal.]MaryLou: ah, Stevie....you look so handsome in that yellow suit! [kisses him] Steve Ellen STEVE: This ain't yellow. It's Harvest Gold with a little Burnt Sienna and Olive in it. And you look stunning in that blue-checked cotton sunsuit that shows off your tanned shoulders. We should make quite an impression. Okay, I've got the manuscript and the taxi is waiting. It's off to success! At Francine's office... FRANCINE: Hi! Come on in. Love that dress, MaryLou! MaryLou [Just then Steve realizes that MaryLou's sundress will allow Francine to see the devil girl tattoo on her shoulder.]Steve: Um, MaryLou? You look like you might be a little cold with all this air conditioning. Here, put on my jacket to warm you up. MaryLou: No, thanks, Stevie. I'm not cold at all. Steve: Oh, I think you are. Look at those bumps on your arms. [hands her the yellow...err the Harvest Gold with a little Burnt Sienna and Olive jacket] Put it on. Steve Ellen MARYLOU: [handing jacket back] No, really, Steve. I'm quite comfortable.STEVE: [with a meaningful grimace] No you're not. I'll explain later. Just put it on.[pushes jacket back to MaryLou] MaryLou Oh, all right! [puts on the jacket][They all sit down.] Francine: Now, tell me all about this idea you have for a novel, Steve. [winks at him] Steve Ellen STEVE: Well, MaryLou came up with the plot and it's a good one. [smiles at MaryLou] Why don't you explain it, hon?MARYLOU: See, this man and woman been living together for two years, right? And the man thinks, "Why buy the cow when the milk is free"? But the woman has other ideas, see? She wants to be an "honest" woman. So she comes up with this whole plan to make him realize how much he loves and needs her. She 'disappears' under mysterious circumstances. And at first the cops think he did something to her. And then, he starts seeing her all over the place -- streets, cars, restaurants, etc. Or so he thinks. He can't really be sure it's her. So she stays on his mind all the time. And then he starts having dreams in which she comes to their old apartment. But ARE they really dreams? FRANCINE: I like it! What do you have so far? STEVE: Just a draft of the first chapter. [Steve hands Francine the manuscript and she scans it quickly] FRANCINE: Mmmm... I like what you have so far. I think we can do business on this one. STEVE: Great! FRANCINE: Your agent is Ben Fatwallet? STEVE: That's him! FRANCINE: I'll work out the money end with him. How soon can you have more words for me? STEVE: Don't worry. I work fast. Two months to finish the first draft? FRANCINE: I can't complain. MaryLou Francine: I think I see a movie deal in your future, Steve. This is just the kind of plot that Hollywood adores. [blows him a kiss][MaryLou fumes, and is about to say something when Steve grabs her hand and squeezes it tightly.] MaryLou: Ow! Steve Ellen STEVE: Hahaha! That would be wonderful, Francine, but I guess we better get the book out first! Would you like to have dinner this evening with MaryLou and me?FRANCINE: I would, except I have a previous engagement. Maybe some other time? STEVE: You bet. Thanks again! Back at the apartment... STEVE: I'm in a good mood. I'll call Ben tomorrow and see what the money is going to be. MaryLou [MaryLou throws a pillow at Steve's head.]MaryLou: Just what the heck are you thinking about, asking that hag to have dinner with us after she was coming on to you so heavy?! Steve Ellen STEVE: Whoa! Where's that coming from? Aren't you forgetting something? She controls whether I get paid and whether you and I get to eat at all! Hahaha! Weren't you raised to be nice to the boss? MaryLou Heck no! I've never HAD a boss....well, except for you, of course. And you like it when I'm ornery. hehe Steve Ellen {Steve grabs MaryLou and pushes her to the floor, grinning] That's because I'm ornery, too. So... since we're both feeling ornery...Later... zzzzzzzz....... Next morning... STEVE: Hey, you wanna go anywhere since it's labor day? How about a drive up into the mountains? We can eat lunch up there and then be back here by suppertime? MaryLou Awww that sounds too perfect! You know how I love to ride up in the mountains. [grins ecstatically] Steve Ellen In the mountains...STEVE: Look at those apples for sale! They look good. Let's stop here... Hello! GRIZZLY OLD MAN: I got some good apples here. STEVE: They look good. MARYLOU: Can I try one? OLD MAN: Yes, ma'am. You hep yourself to one. Them's good apples. I been growin' apples up here for forty years and I ain't never had no complaints about my apples. Heehee... No, ma'am. MARYLOU: Mmmm... Delicious. Try this, Steve? STEVE: [takes a bite of the apple] Oh yes... That's good. Let's get a basket of them. MaryLou [As Steve and MaryLou drive off with their basket of apples, the grizzly old man laughs in an evil manner.]Haha! Bunch a fools! haha! Steve Ellen [Steve is looking in the rearview mirror.]MARYLOU: Whatcha looking at, sweetie? STEVE: Did you notice anything odd about that old man? MARYLOU: You mean that he wasn't wearing any pants? STEVE: No, not that-- Huh? MARYLOU: Just teasing. I'm pretty sure he had pants on. STEVE: Let's find a good place to eat lunch. It's almost noon. MaryLou Silly! I packed a picnic basket for our lunch once we find a good spot on the mountain. I brought cold cuts, chips, olives, cheese, grapes, croissants, and a bottle of wine. Steve Ellen STEVE: Well, that's what I meant, of course!Here's the State Park and, if I recall, there is a picnic area in here on Lookout Mountain with a magnificent view. Lunchtime... STEVE: Mmmm... You have outdone yourself with this lunch. More wine? MaryLou [giggles] Are you trying to get me drunk, sir? Steve Ellen STEVE: Hahaha! Do I have to? Can you catch a grape in your mouth?MARYLOU: Sure! [Opens mouth wide. Steve tosses in a grape.] STEVE: Perfect! MaryLou [Steve feels something hit the side of his neck. He looks down; it's the grape.]Steve: Did you just spit that at me? Oooo, you're gonna pay for that, girl! [MaryLou jumps up, giggling, and takes off running.] Steve Ellen Steve runs after MaryLou. In a perfect world he would catch her and they would tumble to the grass in a field of wildflowers while bluebirds sang and a cute chipmunk on a log scampers away, but who lives in a perfect world?STEVE: Ouch! MARYLOU: [stopping and turning around] What happened? STEVE: I stubbed my toe on this bleeping rock! MARYLOU: Awwww... Want me to kiss it and make it better? [When MaryLou gets close enough Steve grabs her and pulls her down beside him] STEVE: Mmmmmm.... Bluebirds sing and a little chipmunk stares wide-eyed at the humans. Back at the apartment the next day... STEVE: Did you see this notice in the mail? MaryLou [MaryLou is flipping through the latest Cosmo.]No, love, what is it? Steve Ellen It says our lease expires in 45 days and we have to be out of the apartment by that date. No renewal is possible. Huh?!What do you make of that? Can they do that? MaryLou Heck, I don't know! I guess they can, since they own the building. Besides, what does it matter? You've been complaining about this apartment for quite a while. Maybe NOW you will get around to looking for a house for us, like you've been promising to do forever! [laughs] Steve Ellen Hmmm... Good idea. With the money from the book we can make a down payment on a house. Let's go house hunting! MaryLou YIPPEEEE! What kind of house do you want to get? Can we have one with a front porch? I've always wanted a front porch! Oh, Stevie, you are so wonderful, I love you. [kisses him] Steve Ellen Come on. Let's drive around looking. Actually, I've already notuced a house I like and it DOES have a porch.Did you ever see the movie "Psycho"? It looks just like that house. It's great! And the price is cheap. Nobody has lived in it for five years and I hear they are desperate to sell. MaryLou oooooo do you think it might be haunted?! I would love that! [giggles] Steve Ellen At the Psycho house...STEVE: Careful now, some of the porch boards look rotten. I guess that's why it's so cheap, but we can fix all that up ourselves. That's the advantage of being a writer. I'll be home all day to work on the house. MARYLOU: Does the key work? [Steve has been fiddling with the lock, but he finally manages to turn the old key and the door opens with a long eerie creak...] MARYLOU: This is just like one of those movies where everybody meets a gruesome death... STEVE: Yeah... Let's hope it isn't too much like it. I don't think I could face a gruesome death today. MaryLou [MaryLou steps inside the house.] Wow, look at this foyer! It's huge! With a little fixing up, it could be grand....so what did the realtor tell you about the house, honey? Steve Ellen Oh, he just said that it went up for sale after the owner was murdered and that none of the locals wanted to buy it. You know the old story -- gruesome death, haunted house, uneasy spirits who can't sleep until the murder is avenged, yada yada yada... MaryLou Perfect!!! This would make some great material for your story, dontcha think? [she grabs Stevie around the waist and they dance through the foyer] Steve Ellen They dance into the central hallway, then into the parlor and the dining room and the kitchen...STEVE: Stop! Stop! [Steve is huffing and puffing} Geez! Did you take a caffeine pill? Let me catch my breath... MARYLOU: We have to buy this house! STEVE: Okay... *cough* ...let's buy it. MaryLou and Steve buy the house and move their meager possessions into it. It's two months later and they are spending their first night in their new home... STEVE: Is that the wind? MaryLou Ah, no, sweets, I don't think so. I think it's the moaning of our resident ghost. [giggles] Steve Ellen It's not funny, MooLoo. What if there really IS a ghost living here? MaryLou Well, what if there is? I'm sure he (or she) won't get in our way too much. Steve Ellen You sure are calm about it. How do I know that you haven't been possessed? Suppose an evil spirit living here has already taken over your soul?It's having a little trouble taking over me because I am male and stronger, but now that it will have your help... MaryLou [MaryLou turns and looks at Steve.]In a deep and low voice, she replies, "You won't know if I've been possessed...unless I choose to let you know." [Suddenly, she jumps on top of Steve, pinning his arms, and biting his neck.] Steve Ellen STEVE: Help! Help! A demon is biting me! [laughs]Ouch! Easy there, Dracula! [wrestles with MaryLou.] As Steve and MaryLou have a good-natured romp in the sack, they are unaware that other eyes are watching... MaryLou Next morning at breakfast....MaryLou: Did you get your computer all set up yesterday, love? Gonna do some writing? I plan to get the other downstairs rooms cleaned up today. The furniture people said they'd deliver tomorrow. Steve Ellen STEVE: [grunts]MARYLOU: We need to do something about the yard, too. It looks like a jungle. STEVE: [distastefully] Alright... I guess I'll have to go buy a lawnmower. [From somewhere up in the attic comes a long low moan.] STEVE: Now don't try to tell me that was the wind! This place gives me the creeps. MARYLOU: No, Stevie! Come on, don't be getting all negative about our nice new house. I love it. I don't want to leave. STEVE: We need GhostBusters to come in here and clean it out. [chuckles] MaryLou MaryLou: Hey, you knew all the stories 'bout this place before you bought it. [She rubs the back of his neck.] I got good news for you, sweetie. Steve: And what's that? MaryLou: You don't have to worry about mowing the grass or takin' care of the yard. I hired a landscaping person yesterday to do that. You just take care of your own job. [kisses his neck] Steve Ellen STEVE: A male? What's his name?MARYLOU: Are you jealous? [giggles] STEVE: Well, I wasn't until you felt it necessary to alert me that maybe I ought to be! Okay, spill the details. Who, when , where, why, how... MaryLou Pierre, when you are away, front and back yard, because it needs it, and with his personal equipment Steve Ellen Ha. Ha. Ha. I meant how did you meet Pierre? Where and when? MaryLou He lives down the street. He saw we were moving in, and left his business card stuck in the door. I called him because I knew you'd be really busy writing and wouldn't have the time for all the work our yard will need. That's all. [kisses him] Steve Ellen STEVE: Oh. Well, you're quite the homemaker.[Steve looks thoughtfully at MaryLou] MARYLOU: Why are you looking at me like that? STEVE: I was just thinking... Now that we are back in a real house, we have room for some kids... MARYLOU: Kids?! What are you talking about, Stevie? STEVE: How would you like to get married? MARYLOU: To you? STEVE: Of course to me! MaryLou [MaryLou is shocked.] But, sweetie, I thought you didn't want to get married EVER! Are you feeling okay? Something wrong that you're not telling me about? [She grabs his wrist and checks his pulse.] Steve Ellen To be perfectly honest with you, MooLoo, I am torn in two directions. As you well know, after my first disaster with marriage years ago, I swore I would NEVER get into that situation again.But we have been living together two tears now and it's wonderful. Nothing at all like the first time. If we are going to be this happy forever, then why not have all the advantages of being married? And if anything should happen to me, it will make it a lot easier for you to get on with your life. Otherwise you would lose everything, or at least have to wage a big legal battle to get it. You know, royalties from the book and stories and articles might slack off eventually, but there will always be something. Nevertheless, I have to admit that I am also afraid that marriage could change us. We might turn into something different from what we have now, something that wasn't as much fun... MaryLou You're over-analyzing things. So you only want to get married so that I won't have to fight any legal battles, is that it? Steve Ellen You're oversimplifying things. Heehee. I thought what I was saying was that nothing is simple. Everything has reasons for it and against it. With the question of our relationship becoming legalized marriage, the "for it" side is winning the battle in my mind. The "for its" are beating the crap out of the "against its". If you want the simple approach, find yourself a teenager. Hmmm... How old is Pierre? Is he simple-minded? And don't turn up your nose at my concern for your future welfare. Odds are you will live many years after I'm gone. MaryLou You're kidding me, right? You're asking me to marry you only because you can't think of enough reasons why you shouldn't in your 'con' list?! Gee, thanks, Stevie! That is soooo romantic! [bursts into tears, runs into the bedroom, and slams the door] Steve Ellen [Steve debates knocking on the door, pleading for understanding, but there is a deep weariness in his soul. He lies on his back on the floor and stares at the ceiling, thinking of other times, other places...Twenty years before now... STEVE: I love you so much, Alicia! ALICIA: And I love you! You are the best thing that ever happened to me. STEVE: I am happier than I have EVER been! Thank you for being my wife. Eighteen years before now... ALICIA'S LAWYER: And she feels she should have the house, the furniture, and the car. Naturally she feels you should keep your clothing and personal toilet items. STEVE: Her generosity is overwhelming. Tell her to keep it all. I plan to burn everything I have that has ever touched her... except my body, of course. Present day... [Steve recalls how he contemplated suicide when Alicia dumped him and shakes his head in disgust and repeats his mantra: Brains not balls... Brains not balls... until he feels calm again.] STEVE: Well, I guess I better reassure MooLoo that she is the most important thing in the universe. [gets up and enters bedroom] MooLoo? I'm sorry... Next day... STEVE: Mmmm... These blueberry pancakes are delicious! MARYLOU: Have some more coffee, sweetie. STEVE: Thanks. What areyou doing today? MARYLOU: Well, I already telephoned Maw and Paw with the news about the wedding. Now I have bunch more phone calls to make. [kisses Steve's neck] How about you, sugarcake? STEVE: I better work on the novel. We promised it would be done by the end of the month. MaryLou Are you sure you want children, Stevie? I don't think marriage has to change us, but kids will for sure. Steve Ellen I think I want them. That's true it will change us. We'll have to stop thinking always about our own needs and start thinking about theirs... And I wonder if what I really want isn't just new things to write about? The kids would be fun and I can see all kinds of "stories" happening. But maybe that's selfish. So why does anybody have kids? And why get married unless you do plan to have them? MaryLou Humph! MAYBE people get married because they LOVE each other! Did you ever think of that?! Steve Ellen Sure. I also thought about do people say they love each other so they will get married. What's more important? Belief in your lover's loyalty or a piece of paper from the couthouse? Considering our histories, me with two marriages and you with five, I really wonder why we want to mess up a good love affair with a marriage? MaryLou [MaryLou stares at him.] If that's how you feel, why did you ask me to marry you, then? I never said we had to be married! Steve Ellen So our kids wouldn't be bastards...You know what? I just figured out a solution where we can have it all. We'll keep our carefree love affair and you won't have to "pass a watermelon through a keyhole" so we can have a kid. Hahaha! Foster kid! We'll get one old enough to go to school and we can skip all the hassle of the diaper years. What do you think? MaryLou [Marylou glares at Steve.] You are irrational! I can't think what's gotten into you! One day, you're all about having babies and gettin' married. And the next, you're changing your mind! Why are you doing this to me?! For more than two years, that's all I've thought about! Being married to you and having a family. I never let on about it, cause I knew how you felt. And now you offer it to me and then yank it all away? You are too cruel, Steve! [grabs her coat and purse] I'm going out. Don't try to follow me! Steve Ellen ************************************************* Dear Reader, This is Steve speaking (the real one, not that jerk in the campfire)... You know, sometimes in life our path forks into two paths and we are forced to choose which way we are going to go. Maybe years later, we will regret our decision, but in real life it's too late to change it. However, in fiction we can travel BOTH paths! (Yay, fiction!) If you have read this far, then you know that Steve is of two minds about marriage. On the one hand, he wants to marry MaryLou, even though she isn't thrilled about kids. And then he sees another path where they don't get married and can maintain their carefree love affair and take in a foster child. Since we are reaching the 250 post limit on this one, it's time for a new campfire to be the sequel. We are going to have TWO simultaneous campfires going. One about the marriage, and one about the kid. I'll post the links here when I get them. Thanks for reading! Steve and MaryLou ************************************************* Steve Ellen STEVE: [grabs MaryLou's arm] Wait, MaryLou! [She tries to pull away] Wait, MooLoo. I love you! I want us to be happy. When you headed for that door I suddenly realized what a $#@% I've been! I'm sorry, darling. I want us to be together forever. Let's get married!MARYLOU: Do you really mean it? [searches his eyes] STEVE: {joyfully] Yes! I mean it! I'm sorry I had doubts. It's my past talking to me, discouraging me. I forgot how to hope and dream for awhile there. I know it will work. We love each other. It HAS to work. We'll make it work! MARYLOU: Oh, Stevie... We usually fade out for the kiss, but I'll let you watch this one... That's enough. We don't want to overexcite you readers. Later... STEVE: So, we better start making some plans for this wedding, huh? [smiles] MaryLou smiles back. What a happy loving couple they are. Let's hope they stay that way... Steve Ellen ************************************************* See the wedding at "Steve and MaryLou Get Domestic" ************************************************* © Copyright 2004 Steve Ellen, MaryLou, (known as GROUP). All rights reserved. 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