Chuck Norris is the man. Everyone knows that. Anyone who's ever see "Walker: Texas Ranger" knows he's probably the Second Coming. And if you haven't seen that show, then clearly you're either a hippy or a communist. Go eat your sprouts, tree-hugger!

Everyone knows how awesome Chuck's film and TV careers are, so we won't waste Chuck's time talking about that. Besides he only does that work to pay for his booze. The rest of the time he's saving the world or carousing with super models or whatever else a deity does in his spare time.

This contest is for lesser known Chuck Norris facts. You can find millions of them online at places like http://chucknorrisfacts.com, and believe me I've read most of them. I'm looking for original ones though. We're writers, damnit, and we're creative, original, and a scant few of you are even funny. So I want to hear your best Chuck Norris facts. Not sure what I'm talking about? *sigh* Dumber than a box of rocks no doubt. Okay, here are some examples:

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep; he waits.
Chuck Norris once called the Grim Reaper "a promising rookie."
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris doesn't need a watch to tell time; he decides what time it is.
Chuck's Norris' tears are the cure for cancer. He has never cried.

Okay, got the idea? How about some rules for this contest now?

The Chuck Norris fact must be original. If I think I've read it somewhere, I'll immediately disqualify it, and then I'll have Chuck piss on your shrubbery. Did you know Chuck Norris urine is used to make weedkiller?
The fact can be a single line quotation, or a paragraph long anecdote. Anything longer isn't worth the effort to read.
You must post your Chuck Norris fact directly in the forum. If you don't know how, then you need to learn how to use the Internet. Quit wasting my time. Did you know that Chuck Norris accesses the entire Internet from screens on the backs of his eyes? Every time he blinks he's refreshing the webpage.
You may enter as many times as want, but make sure that each entry has its own post in the forum.
Submit your fact by June 17, 2006 11:59:59 PM Writing.com.
The entries will be judged shortly after the deadline, and the best facts will be awarded gift points. The prize breakdown is below: