What is the ideal gift for Bubba Whinnery and Honnybunny Hiney? The best gift idea wins 1,000 GPs. If you do not know this couple, read about their proposed wedding and maybe you will get a feel for the couple. In a nutshell, they are uneducated, unsophisticated, and unpretentious.



The Hiney-Whinnery wedding will be the social event of the year at Red House. A garden wedding in the late afternoon is planned, which means Jimbo is going to have to finish picking the peas and tomatoes early so as not to disturb the festivities. Guests to the wedding will be instructed to walk between the rows and not on the rows so as to not damage the veggies. The bride has chosen a light white organdy dress trimmed in chartreuse to match the groom’s tux, which happens to be lime green because he happened to find it at Hudson’s Salvage where it had been marked down from its original price of $25.00. When he took the discount plus the percent markdown it only cost $6.32. It fits fine everywhere except for his 200 pound belly. Miss Edna Earl Whinnery is studying the situation to see if she can alter the tux jacket so as to exclude that 200-pound belly from the jacket. She is confident that with a little creative stitchery, she can accomplish the task in style.

The bride’s best friend and former wife of the groom, Raylene Whinnery-Whinnery will be the Matron of Honor. Bubba’s lifelong hunting buddy, Jimbo Whinnery, will be the best man. Jim and Imalene Whinnery, Bubba’s former momma and daddy-in-lay, will stand in as Bubba’s momma and daddy since they done gone to their reward. Honeybunny’s momma, Mrs. Bigg Hiney, her daddy still got 14 more years on his sentence and won’t be able to attend, is the mother of the bride.

The Right Reverend Booty Wilson will conduct the ceremony and will, according to Bubba, make haste in getting through all the falderal as quickly as possible in order to get to the important stuff, which is the reception and the honeymoon.

The reception is planned for the back part of Harley’s Texaco. All the surplus oil, tires and other stuff will be removed to the former facility of The Whine and Cheese Company, Inc. to make room for the overflow crowd. The wedding cake will be unique, being made from surplus Twinkies supplied by A.B. Smith & Son General Merchandise and Haberdashery Emporium. The Twinkies will be stacked up and tooth picked together and covered with dark chocolate icing and lighter brown on the ends so that it looks like half of a log symbolizing their upbringings as country folks. It will be topped with “Wedding Barbie and Ken” surrounded by white doves. Barbie and Ken were chosen because they’re just like Bubba and Honeybunny, minus the 200-pound belly of course.

They will honeymoon in quaint, nostalgic and rustic Pinola, cause Honeybunny will have to work half days that week and then on return they will begin life together on the second floor of Bubba’s boyhood home located on a 40 acre farm just outside of Red House. Raylene Whinnery-Whinnery, his ex-wife by a previous marriage and their 6 yard youngans, occupies the first floor. It was part of their divorce agreement to keep him from bodily harm by Raylene’s daddy.




Now that you have a grasp of the wedding and the participants, what is the ideal gift you could give this couple? Best entry will win 1,000 GPs. Make it practical and make it something that fits their personality and station in life. List your gift, and then tell why it would be ideal for them.