Wow, I can hardly believe that is was a year ago this week, that I heard those three little words, “You have cancer.” I knew my life would change from them, but I could have never in my wildest dreams predicted how much change would take place. The initial shock and need to act immediately swept over me, as it does for most. I needed to read everything I could get my hands on, about my individual situation. October and November were the education months. It was only after educating myself that I was able to make an informed decision about the course of treatment that I would take.
It was during this time that I learned how organized and meticulous I could be under pressure. Ask me anything about my cancer, and I could answer you like a doctor. I had highlights, and post its and any literature I could find on what I was going to go through, or need after. Although my household chores were put on the back burner, cancer and my life were on the line, and I needed to act and do without hesitation, or emotion. I guess I was in survival mode.
December through April, were the surgery and recovery months. While one would think that these would have been the hardest months to deal with, looking back now it doesn’t seem that way to me. It was during these months, that I had the most spiritual and emotional growth. Although there was overwhelming sadness and loss, there was a new sense, or a heightened sense, of appreciation and life.
This was the first time I was totally aware of everyone in my life and the roles they would play in my future. My family, friends, and acquaintances took on a whole new meaning. Family bonds have strengthened, friendships have grown, acquaintances have turned into treasured friendships, and some friendships have run their course. Through all of this, I have learned that at some time we all do need each other to survive. A symphony needs a conductor, and I too need these relationships to strengthen and grow.
May through the present, brings a second round of sadness, loss, and illness. Instead of suppressing these emotions, and re-living survival mode, I am choosing to feel everything. Love, excitement, joy, sadness, and pain. I embrace each emotion with a sense of newness and childlike enthusiasm. I am alive and living each day. Which wraps this up, and brings me to the most important lesson I have learned?
“Life is unpredictable.” It truly is what we each make of it.