I had found it trapped in an old college dorm (CopyPaper )

Mired in hay, and poop to his knees, (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

His body was skinny and covered with fleas. (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

So I took him home and gave him a bath, (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

And taught him Algebra (That's a kind of math) (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

Then Geometry, Calculus, and Differential Equations (Steve Ellen )

I had dreams he would become a Savior of Nations! (Steve Ellen )

But then I stepped back - he's only a horse! (Steve Ellen )

My mind has a tendency to fly off course (Steve Ellen )

Often with grandiose dreams about ruling the world... (Steve Ellen )

Last week I tried it with a city park squirrel (Steve Ellen )

But he refused to wear a tiny swastika and invade a small country (Steve Ellen )

Said he just wanted to play in his favorite fun tree (Steve Ellen )

Nibbling nuts, and chittering about, (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

It really disturbed me, so I threw him out. (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

Yonder comes a van from ASPCA (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

They looked in the barn, but the horse ran away (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

I guess he no likeyd not being fed (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

But still, whew, smells like something is dead. (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

Oh yeah, now I remember what's in there (CopyPaper )

It's my pet chihuahua Noser, the one with no hair (CopyPaper )

But how can a two-pound dog raise such a stink? (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

I took down the whiskey and poured me a drink. (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

It all started last night in the sink by the win-der (CopyPaper )

The cat's tail had somehow been burned to a cinder (CopyPaper )

I blamed the dog, he's always been pranky (Steve Ellen )

But then I noticed a rose-scented hanky. (Steve Ellen )

One thing about Noser - he does not like flowers (Steve Ellen )

Except as recipients of his golden showers (Steve Ellen )

So who owned the hanky? Because they burned the tail! (Steve Ellen )

The answer was obvious when I read through my mail. (Steve Ellen )

The answer was in a letter I got from a guy in Frisco (Dad )

You remember Garry? He usta own a disco (Dad )

It was on the corner of Fourth and Vine (Dad )

Next door was a cafe that served a good wine. (Steve Ellen )

They called the place Tater which might seem weird (CopyPaper )

Until you noticed the owner's beard (CopyPaper )

Her name was Taylor and she was short, (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

Dwarfly proportions, but her mom didn't abort, (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

But unlike the singer, Taylor wasn't so swift, (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

A mashed-potato beard provided her lift. (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

And she was the one that burned my cat's tail, (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

The paper in her letter had a potatoey smay-ull. (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

She apologized and swore an accident, it was (Dad )

She never intended to hurt the cat becuz (Dad )

he was the best mouser the world ever knew (Dad )

but without his tail for balance, the cat is screw - ed (Dad )

The cat's name was Herman and though his tail was burnt, (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

He fetched my paper every day, and told me events curr'nt. (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

Herman was a whiz at crossword and sudoku (Steve Ellen )

He liked to eat sushi and practice his Kung Fu (Steve Ellen )

He knew the capitals of every nation in the world (Steve Ellen )

Which parks had pigeons and which parks had squirrels (Steve Ellen )

But he couldn't tell be bacause he couldn't speak (Dad )

He wasn't mute, no, he was just too meek (Dad )

He didn't mind me looking over his shoulder (CopyPaper )

But it wasn't because he was getting older (CopyPaper )

And his burnt-off tail was beginning to rot (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

And it started to smell, a hell of a lot! (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

But Herman didn't smell it because his nose still had a clog (Steve Ellen )

From when he tried to smell a hypnotoad in an LSD bog. (Steve Ellen )

Herman finally met a female feline one day (CopyPaper )

And can you believe it? It occured on a Monday (CopyPaper )

Her name was Tanesha, she was named for her owner (CopyPaper )

A very nasty man who always had a boner. (Steve Ellen )

He wasn't any good at naming cats or titling a poem (Steve Ellen )

But he had a neighbor, Barbara, who often did it for him. (Steve Ellen )

So she named the cat Tanesha who would become old Herman's mate (Steve Ellen )

In fact, it was Barbara who arranged their first date. (Steve Ellen )

Herman and Tanesha, in the alley eating spaghetti (Steve Ellen )

Very Disneyesque, but they both were hot and ready. (Steve Ellen )

Later they woke the neighbors with their ardent caterwauling, (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

And in 66 days, five kittens were born, as a result of their balling. (Ravenwand, Rising Star! )

Herman and Tanesha then went their separate ways (CopyPaper )

Her tail was soon burned off in an accidental blaze (CopyPaper )

Tanesha was glad he left, she felt lucky (Dad )

"Except for the kittens, I'm sorry I let him ... eat spaghettti with me" (Dad )

Tanesha raised the kitttens to be independent, brave, and bold (Steve Ellen )

Their story is inspiring and one day will be told. (Steve Ellen )

Meanwhile poor old Herman has to live with boner man (Steve Ellen )

Drinking water from the faucet, eating supper from a tuna can. (Steve Ellen )

While Tanesha lives with Barbara and always has fresh fish (Steve Ellen )

Served with a side of catnip on her very own special dish. (Steve Ellen )

This song seems to have run its course, so let's start a new one. It's December, so let's write a country Christmas song. (Dad )

'Tis the season to be crabby (Dad )

Doesn't matter if you're thin or flabby (Dad )

You can be fat or you can be thin (Steve Ellen )

Just pay attention to what season we're in. (Steve Ellen )

It's Chrristmas! The birth of our Lord! (Dad )

We celebrate by driving like nuts in our rusty ol' Ford (Dad )

Last night I put up my tree, on top I stuck a fairy (deemac back May 25 )

She ed and said, "Your hands are cold", which I found kinda scary (deemac back May 25 )

The stockings I hung by the chimney with care (Dad )

In hopes the St. Nicholas won't ask me to play "Truth or Dare" (Dad )

Last year he took all my cookies and milk (Steve Ellen )

And told me my skin was "soft as silk" (Steve Ellen )

Vodka in the milk and Exlax in the cookies this year (Dad )

And what to HIS wondering eyes shall appear! (Dad )

A giant toy workshop with raw materials and elves (Steve Ellen )

Who work through the year to fill up its shelves. (Steve Ellen )

Total Displayed: 100