"Hi There! You've won a trip to lovely Bognor... in December. You will be treated to 1 star service at the infamous Hells Hostel where all of your needs will be ignored. There is also a pothole you can swim in! Congratulations!"

"This is the Bastrop County Tax Assessment Office. We are gonna need you to come in with some sort of proof of identity for those funds that we already spent. An affidavit or sworn testimony from a family priest should do it. "

"Hey! I never got a beep!"

"Zoo, Your life is in danger. It is imperative that you go underground immediately. If this message has been sent too late - please disregard."

"You guys are cracking me up. Push one to hear me belly-laugh. Push two to hear me belly-laugh in a foreign language. Push three if you would like a pizza delivery. Try to fit your fist in your mouth if you're bored. "

"Zoo, I pushed two to hear you laugh in a foreign language, and that was funny, but what I REALLY wanted to hear was you laugh like the Pilsbury Doughboy...what do I gotta push for that? Hello? Zoo??"

"Hello, I didn't realize you guys used an answering machine. Oh well, I'd like a quart of wonton soup, a pint of fried rice and 4 egg rolls. And please this time don't forget the fortune cookies."

"~ is your refrigerator running?"

"Please do your best to be outstanding in your field. It's the only way I will find you as I haul ass past your house."

"Yarrrr. Is that me old hearty ZooDuck? This is Cap'n Bly, I hear you been dissin on my matey Johnny. That's a keelhauling offence, landlubber. Don't make me come over there. "

"Dear Jeb and Cap'n Bly, may the fleas of a thousand camels infest your unmentionables."

"Hey, can we press four to hear you quack-laugh. *presses 4* Nothing happened! 4, 4, 4, 4, 4... 4.4.4.4. "

"Oh, by the way, this is lottery. You won yourself $2 at one of those scratch lottery tickets!"

"From now on, all invisible, inaudible, or otherwise undetectable messages will be erased immediately... as soon as we find them."

"Zoo! Quick take a message for me! I'm very busy and forgetful lately and quite prone to talking to myself... and I forgot what I wanted to tell me... Damn. "

"Psst Zoo, where you be? Putting out fires? Playing the almighty tourney hand? Marv lock you in the basement? Do they have basements in TX? EEEP! Miss ya."

"Zoo? My cell died so I zipped in the house to call. I've been outstanding in my field for months and I haven't seen you yet! Toss food out when you pass by! Ok gotta go so I don't miss you when you-- Aw, man! I just saw you go by. $%##!"

"We were just driving by with this big fancy Publishers Clearing House check made out to a Mr. Zoo Duck? Where should we leave it? "

"Hello, Mr Zoo. This is Sheree calling on behalf of Dr.Arnolds office. We wish to confirm your special rash down there, appointment. Tomorrow at 4 oclock. Thankyou."

"Hello Mr Zoo, this is Reader's Digest. We have noticed you haven't been opening your mail from us. So...YOU have WON a prize! "

"*booming, thumping bar music ~ a shout over the phone* DUDE!!! Where are YOU???? There's some hot chicks here! WHERE ARE YOU????? *muffled covered whisper* Dude, I think her name is Candy. Dude!"

"Hello, we've been receiving complaints that a Mr. Z. Duck has been driving erratically across the state of Texas...."

"Just stopped in to check my messages, and.... hey, I remember this place. Fun atmosphere, lots of weird folks, and look! Gas is only 3.00 a gallon here! Woo HOO!!!"

"Mr. Zoo, this is Marcy from writing.com. You have just been awarded 300,000 GPS. Since you weren't here to take my call; I'm keeping them for myself. Thanks!!"

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