: Dad
: 01-22-10 @ 10:01pm
: Logically, (thank you, Mr. Spock) if we're a million miles from nowhere, then this must be an exciting place.

: Steve ~ Friction
: 01-23-10 @ 9:00am
: Spock, you should know by now that sometimes logic can fail you. We're so far from nowhere that we ain't got no when or why either. If Scotty can get the how working we MIGHT be able to get out of this mess.

: pentatonic
: 01-23-10 @ 7:37pm
: Ensign 'teve, plot a course for the nearest rest stop.

: Dad
: 01-23-10 @ 10:11pm
: I have a better idea, 'nsign 'teve. Plot a course for the nearest sign of sanity.

: pentatonic
: 01-24-10 @ 12:09am
: Make it so.

: Steve ~ Friction
: 01-24-10 @ 9:16am
: Sanity ahead, warp 7, Mr Sulu (or Zulu or Solo or whatever your name is. I just know I'm not coming to your wedding). Lt. Uhuru, more cleavage, please.

: Dad
: 01-24-10 @ 3:58pm
: Attention: Yeoman Janice Rand, to the bridge, immediately. More cleavage needed immediately.

: Steve ~ Friction
: 01-25-10 @ 10:07am
: Aye! I cannot give ye any more cleavage, captain, or my dilithium crystals might explode!

: Dad
: 01-25-10 @ 9:44pm
: That's OK, Scotty. We don't want your cleavage. We were looking at Uhura's, Rand's, and Nurse Chapel's. Oh, the the blue chick, too. And any of the other randy aliens I can get into the sack.

: pentatonic
: 01-25-10 @ 11:13pm
: The Romulans are hailing us. Mr. Dad, open a channel.

: Dad
: 01-26-10 @ 10:18pm
: *scratches head* But the English Channel is wide open. It's a clear shot from the ocean to the North Sea. Well, maybe not a clear shot, all the fog.........

: Steve ~ Friction
: 01-27-10 @ 9:04am
: *applies a soothing balm to Dad's scratched head* Be careful how you do your breakdancing, Captain. These floors are like sandpaper. That's so the crew won't slip and slide when the ship flounders back and forth because it's under attack.

: Dad
: 01-29-10 @ 8:48pm
: *grabs jar of "soothing balm" from Steve's hand and looks at label* Since when do you spell "soothing balm" "I-T-C-H-I-N-G P-O-W-D-E-R." You should be ashamed of yourself.

: Steve ~ Friction
: 01-30-10 @ 10:10am
: *hangs head* OK, I am. Does it make me a sick person if I derive erotic pleasure from shame? I hope not. *plans next shameful activity*

: pentatonic
: 01-30-10 @ 8:49pm
: Perhaps a psych eval. is in order. Or perhaps we should just smile and nod.

: Dad
: 01-31-10 @ 12:15am
: *smiles and nods*

: Steve ~ Friction
: 01-31-10 @ 10:04am
: *grins and hops*

: Dad
: 01-31-10 @ 8:43pm
: Would you rather have grain and hops? Then we could mash it up and make something to drink.

: Steve ~ Friction
: 02-01-10 @ 9:32am
: Fine with me. *slides mug down the counter*

: pentatonic
: 02-01-10 @ 11:28am
: *wishes to enforce Prohibition*

: Dad
: 02-01-10 @ 11:42am
: If you enforced Prohibition, then everybody would be making bathtub gin and illicit basement beer, and apple jack, and the government wouldn't be getting the tax revenue from it. Notice I never said that was a bad thing.

: Steve ~ Friction
: 02-02-10 @ 11:40am
: You did make it sound like a lot of fun. And I kind of miss speakeasies, flappers, hot jazz, and cars with giant headlights on their fenders.

: Dad
: 02-05-10 @ 9:21am
: You can open your own speakeasy. Hot jazz is still available (praise Jesus). You can still find cars with huge headlights on their fenders. They're called antiques. As for flappers, you can still find them. They're 95, but you can still find them.

: Steve ~ Friction
: 02-05-10 @ 10:08am
: And at 95 they are flapping more than ever. :D

: pentatonic
: 02-05-10 @ 11:34am
: yowch

: Dad
: 02-05-10 @ 11:05pm
: Touche'

: Steve ~ Friction
: 02-06-10 @ 9:16am
: I know extremely old people claim they have hot sex with each other but I still insist it seems very unlikely. And it's such an awful mental image that I refuse to imagine it happening. :P

: Dad
: 02-06-10 @ 10:25am
: You misunderstood them, Steve. They said it was the hottest sex they remember. Don't forget that some of them lose their virginity each time, too. And you're right. The mental images are more than disgusting. Try: Blindingly horrific.

: Steve ~ Friction
: 02-07-10 @ 9:58am
: OK, I'll try Blindingly Horrific. I sure hope it's better than Paralyzingly Gross.

: Dad
: 02-07-10 @ 5:12pm
: It ain't. Either way, I try hard to avoid thinking about it. I liked my lunch, but I do not wish to see it again.

: Steve ~ Friction
: 02-08-10 @ 9:30am
: And yet, 24 hours later you will.

: Dad
: 02-10-10 @ 10:28pm
: I so wish you hadn't said that.

: pentatonic
: 02-10-10 @ 10:40pm
: mind games

: Steve ~ Friction
: 02-11-10 @ 9:41am
: The left hemisphere likes to play PONG with the right hemisphere.

: Dad
: 02-11-10 @ 9:21pm
: I always preferred the four-paddle version of PONG. Much more fun.

: Steve ~ Friction
: 02-12-10 @ 8:16am
: But only people with an identical twin can play it in their minds.

: Dad
: 02-13-10 @ 10:00am
: Unless you have the Vulcan Mind Meld done to you.

: Steve ~ Friction
: 02-14-10 @ 8:03am
: Does it hurt?

: Dad
: 02-15-10 @ 8:50pm
: Not as bad as having a Vulcan Crowbar applied to you head does.

: Steve ~ Friction
: 02-16-10 @ 8:32am
: Don't even get started about the Vulcan Hydraulic Jack.

: pentatonic
: 02-16-10 @ 10:29am
: Oh, those Vulcans--those crazy, emotionless, Vulcans...

: Steve ~ Friction
: 02-17-10 @ 9:49am
: Give me a warm hearty Klingon and I'll give you a fun party.

: Mr. Chowda Head
: 02-17-10 @ 12:04pm
: You have a fun party with Kligons and I'll hit warp factor two to be there.

: Steve ~ Friction
: 02-19-10 @ 9:49am
: Not if I hide your dilithium crystals...

: Dad
: 02-20-10 @ 10:14am
: Sorry, Steve, but Mr. Chowda Head already knows you like to hide dilithium crystals in your pants.

: pentatonic
: 02-20-10 @ 6:02pm
: (That's probably not safe...)

: Steve ~ Friction
: 02-21-10 @ 8:16am
: Now you tell me. Bones says I can go back to work in 3 days.

: Dad
: 02-21-10 @ 4:50pm
: But when does he want you back in his office for the surgery?

: Mr. Chowda Head
: 02-22-10 @ 6:10am
: Stardate 3157.42

: Steve ~ Friction
: 02-22-10 @ 8:35am
: Is that Standard Federation Time or Daylight Savings?

: Mr. Chowda Head
: 02-22-10 @ 11:16am
: Of course it's Standard Federation Time...what are you, some kinda Klingon?

: Dad
: 02-22-10 @ 9:40pm
: I'll defend you, Steve. Mr. Chowda Head! That's a terrible question to ask Steve! Everyone knows he's a Denubian Slime Devil. There, Steve. Do you feel better now? Glad to be of service. Do you need any more defending? I'll do it for free.

: Steve ~ Friction
: 02-23-10 @ 10:23am
: That's about what it's worth.

: Dad
: 02-23-10 @ 10:24pm
: Aw, hell, that's great at twice the price!

: Steve ~ Friction
: 02-24-10 @ 9:45am
: But twice nothing is still nothing. You should charge at least a penny for anything you do or you'll never get ahead.

: Dad
: 02-27-10 @ 9:41am
: Twice nothing is nothing. Man, I gotta get up to early sometimes to sneak stuff past you, don't I?

: pentatonic
: 02-27-10 @ 2:42pm
: *counts on fingers* (Two times *mumble* nothing,... and the product is...)

: Steve ~ Friction
: 02-28-10 @ 9:39am
: I always get confused when I make the zero symbol on my fingers because it looks like the OK symbol and I think the calculation must be over already.

: Dad
: 02-28-10 @ 3:29pm
: When I make the zero symbol with my fingers, I use a closed fist. Then, I think I'm threatening myself, and I get all defensive, which can lead to arguments that can last for weeks. It's not very pretty.

: Steve ~ Friction
: 03-01-10 @ 9:56am
: Your wife makes no move to negotiate some kind of truce between you and yourself? I would want a wife that says, "Don't beat yourself up about this, honey. It's not worth it."

: Dad
: 03-01-10 @ 8:41pm
: Mom takes bets on which one of me wins. It's not pretty, either.

: pentatonic
: 03-01-10 @ 8:43pm
: Sounds like a party.

: Steve ~ Friction
: 03-02-10 @ 8:33am
: The kind where the neighbors have to call 9-1-1.

: pentatonic
: 03-02-10 @ 10:28am
: Yeah, a party, like I said.

: Steve ~ Friction
: 03-03-10 @ 9:12am
: That explains Dad's mysterious 2 and 3 day disappearances from here.

: Dad
: 03-03-10 @ 8:54pm
: What can I tell you? I just like being mysterious. See you in 3 days. *disappears in a puff of smoke*

: pentatonic
: 03-03-10 @ 10:36pm
: *starts the stopwatch*

: Steve ~ Friction
: 03-04-10 @ 9:53am
: *turns on a fan to get the smoke out of the room*

: Dad
: 03-06-10 @ 9:49am
: *reappears, in another puff of smoke* *cough* Damn that smoke! *waves smoke out of face* I thought I quit smoking. *turns* It's been three days, and I'm ba-a-ack!

: pentatonic
: 03-06-10 @ 3:00pm
: You didn't interact with anyone from the past, did you? You could cause immeasurable damage to the timeline.

: Dad
: 03-06-10 @ 9:03pm
: Well, I slept with my great-great-great-great-grandmother. Will that cause any problems?

: Steve ~ Friction
: 03-07-10 @ 9:05am
: Not if you didn't pull all the covers over on yourself and end up giving the poor lady pneumonia.

: Dad
: 03-07-10 @ 9:24pm
: Uh, I went back in time, to when she was 19 and good looking. Well, by their standards. She was hearty, and healthy and robust. But I'm worried. I never met my great-great-great-great-grandfather.

: Steve ~ Friction
: 03-08-10 @ 7:05am
: Robust? Is that like big metallic boobs? Obviously, you are your own great-great-great-great grandfather. It's not uncommon in Southern families.

: Dad
: 03-08-10 @ 10:06pm
: But I'm a Midwesterner, married to a northeasterner. But I live in Florida, so I guess that counts. And I said robust, not rusted bust. Look up the word (you know, do research for once)

: Steve ~ Friction
: 03-09-10 @ 9:00am
: Robocop, robobust. Who needs research? If a Midwesterner marries a Northeasterner and they live in the South, will their children grow up to be Eskimos?

: pentatonic
: 03-09-10 @ 10:32am
: I'm not sure if that's how it works...

: Dad
: 03-09-10 @ 10:47pm
: Well, my son, whose name is Son, works nights, and doesn't see daylight for months at a time. I would prefer to believe that makes him an Eskimo than to think he's a Vampire.

: Steve ~ Friction
: 03-10-10 @ 11:12am
: We all have our preferences. I invariably buy the French Vanilla ice cream instead of the regular Vanilla even though I have no idea what's so French about it.

: Dad
: 03-10-10 @ 9:34pm
: That one is easy to explain, Steve. Very simply, they call it French Vanilla because it is more yellow than regular vanilla.

: Steve ~ Friction
: 03-11-10 @ 9:56am
: Ew. Thanks for that. But you're right. Pure white vanilla looks weak and anemic, like maybe it's just made out of milk and sugar. It's got to have some yellow in it.

: Dad
: 03-11-10 @ 9:20pm
: Ya missed it, Steve. They call it French vanilla because the French are yellow! Just like French vanilla ice cream. Gotta explain everything, don't I?

: Steve ~ Friction
: 03-12-10 @ 10:36am
: I just never think about the French that way. No, there's no French blood in my family, but we're also not the types to sacrifice our lives so people will call us courageous. We're happy with staying alive and bending with the winds of change.

: Dad
: 03-12-10 @ 9:59pm
: So. You're yellow. *snickers* Actually, I agree with Patton. "No dumb sonuvabitch ever won a war by dying for his country. You win wars by making the other dumb sonuvabitch die for his country." *almond joy*

: Steve ~ Friction
: 03-13-10 @ 8:39am
: That's true. Battles where many soldiers are killed on both sides is a sign of poor generals. A battle that doesn't lead to a decisive victory serves no purpose but destruction and death. Even animals know when to stop fighting and regroup.

: Dad
: 03-13-10 @ 9:49am
: Which just goes to proof what I have long believed. We have never met aliens because they believe there is no intelligent life on this planet. *M&M's*

: pentatonic
: 03-13-10 @ 4:00pm
: What makes aliens think their so special? *folds arms*

: Steve ~ Friction
: 03-14-10 @ 9:55am
: That's a good question. It's like they think they're the only ones in the universe who know how to do an anal probe.

: Dad
: 03-15-10 @ 10:17pm
: No, they know how to do an anal probe. They are also smart enough to not do them.

: Mr. Chowda Head
: 03-16-10 @ 4:59am
: If they do anal probes, will they land on Uranus soon?

: pentatonic
: 03-16-10 @ 10:37am
: ...............

: Petra Pansky
: 03-16-10 @ 1:21pm
: What if we humans are actually alien rejects and earth is like a type of sanatorium except our relatives (the aliens) no longer want to visit us?

: Dad
: 03-16-10 @ 10:58pm
: What if, instead of being the stupid rejects, we are actually so much smarter than the aliens, they had beat us profusely about the head and shoulders, and sent us here, to assuage they inferiority complexes?

: Steve ~ Friction
: 03-17-10 @ 9:24am
: Maybe we are in a farm of breeding stock for alien anal probe enthusiasts. They're trying to breed humans with bigger butts. So far their plan seems to be working well. Everybody I know has a bigger butt.

: Dad
: 03-17-10 @ 10:38pm
: Not being an anal probe enthusiast myself, but it seem to me that if, as the commercials say, an enlarging prostate causes "Male Urinary Symptoms," isn't it logical to think that an enlarging butt make it harder for the anus to be probed?

: Steve ~ Friction
: 03-18-10 @ 11:07am
: Hmmm, well I also am not an anal probe enthusiast so we are like two pornographers discussing the merits of Rubens and Rembrandt. Logically, big butts should have larger entrances but also be more tightly closed, so maybe it's a wash?

: Dad
: 03-18-10 @ 10:35pm
: Mmmmm. I don't know. While I agree with your Rembrandt vs. Rubens allusion, I don't subscribe to your argument that big butts possessing larger entrances. I do agree with your argument in re: more tightly closed. Cf. the prostate argument.

: Steve ~ Friction
: 03-19-10 @ 10:42am
: I admit I didn't do any research to support my "larger entrance" hypothesis. Perhaps we've discovered why the aliens are doing all this anal probing? They are filling in the gaps in our lack of reliable butt data.

: Dad
: 03-19-10 @ 9:45pm
: Now jus' you lookee, heah, boy. You keep them thar ay - lee- uhns they hell away from mah butt gap. Ya heah me? (And didja like my fake Southern accent??)

: Steve ~ Friction
: 03-20-10 @ 6:20am
: I think it should have been lookah instead of lookee. I thought you were a Chinese laundryman for a moment.

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