corn, so by the algebra of love they are a match made in heaven. Speaking of algebras, what do you get when you add a triple-A to a double-D? Don't answer that unless you... (Steve Ellen )

one is a classification for baseball's minor leagues, and the other is a classification for a major league.............. (Dad )

but if you believe that then you are shopping in the wrong aisle for your algebras. Basic equation is 1+1=2. But enough sports and math, now our Small World ride cart carries us on to... (Steve Ellen )

something that, I hope, is less confusing than the last post. (Dad )

Uh oh. Confusion World. Who could see that coming? Well, no one really. It was too confusing. But now that it's here, or we are there, it must be dealt with, sooo... (Steve Ellen )

I, the least confused among our merry little band of literarily challenged individuals, shall save the day by... (Of Fire Born ~ welcome, 2012! )

starting a new line of reasoning. I hope it's better than the last line I started. It was a line of........ (Dad )

such depth and wisdom that the meaning was actually lost on me. I spent a fortune trying to find it, but that's another story. Would you like to hear how... (pentatonic )

life has treated me so cruelly that I have become bitter and wise? I thought you would. It all started when... (Steve Ellen )

I was a prince of Araby! I was called Akhmed the Neato. Everybody liked me. They said nice things about me, like........... (Dad )

Hey, Akhmed! Neato shirt! and Hey, Akhmed! Neato pants! but one day I was walking along with my friend Dadkh and for the first time I heard cries of... (Steve Ellen )

" yo PAPA, Akhmed! " This, of course, given that Dadkh my friend and to the best of my knowledge not my father, amounted to an Epithet of the Finest Kind, and I took revenge by... (Of Fire Born ~ welcome, 2012! )

invoking the Curse of the Seven Snakes, Able Baker Charlie Dan Meeshack Abendigo and Winnetonka, but I stumbled over Abendigo because my lips were cold and our tormenters began to criticise Dadkh's odd clothing by yelling... (Steve Ellen )

at me because I mispronounced some of them. It should be Minnetonka, Winnebago, Tonawanda, and Tobedwego." I'm particularly fond of Tobedwego because........... (Dad )

that's where my Tonawanda sleeps. She's a big gal and is the main reaon I divorced Skinny Minnie. My Wanda's favorite food is... (Steve Ellen )

all of it. You don't think weighing more than a truck is easy, do you? She eats everything! Why, just yesterday, she ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner, before breakfast! Then.............. (Dad )

she took a nap until lunchtime. I made her sandwiches. It only took 10 loaves of bread. I don't know why she wasn't very hungry. Maybe she... (Steve Ellen )

got a gander at Steve in a spedo and lost her appetite, but... (Of Fire Born ~ welcome, 2012! )

judging by the way she was eyeing those pigs-in-a-blanket that Fireborn was eating, I think it's just that the egg salad sandwiches didn't appeal to her. I think I'll fry up some nice... (Steve Ellen )

bacon, about two pigs worth. I'll eat three strips, and eat the rest. You know, just a mid-early morning snack, to tide her over to the late-mid morning snack. Then........... (Dad )

she'll realize that DAD at three strips and then ate the rest and when it comes to gettin' porked, she got NUTTIN', Honey! This will trigger... (Of Fire Born ~ welcome, 2012! )

she'll realize that DAD ate the three strips of bacon and then ate the rest and when it comes to getting porked, she got nuttin', Honey! This will trigger... (Of Fire Born ~ welcome, 2012! )

Dad to belch, realizing he overate. He will apologize, and offer to cook up two more pigs worth of bacon. It'll be HER mid-early morning snack............. (Dad )

but of course by then the missing pigs will be discovered and all hell will break loose. Dad practiced in the mirror what he would say to the angry pig farmer. "Sir... (Steve Ellen )

It was all FireBorn's fault." No, no, that'll never do. "It was Steve's fault." That won't do, either. I know! I'll blame it on............ (Dad )

the pigs. "Sir, they were asking for it. You should never have let your pigs wear halter tops. I'm only human." Dad was very satisfied with his mirror performance and so he... (Steve Ellen )

rushed over to the pig farmer's pad, only to realize on afrrival that he found the farmer's daughter even more tantalizing in a halter top than the piglets, and... (Of Fire Born ~ welcome, 2012! )

was so busy reminding himself he was married, he screwed up his apology. Instead of blaming the pigs, he blamed the farmer's daughter, for making the halter top look............. (Dad )

like a sling for low-hanging melons that were ripe and ready for picking. The farmer took his shotgun down from the wall and cocked it. "Sir," Dad said, "It's not like you think. I was just... (Steve Ellen )

Of Fire Born leaped in front of Dad, her perky little breasteses heaving with emotion. "Cock ME, you pig of a farmer! Dad's married and gets cocked all the TIME!" Regarding his barrel with a mixture of defiance & twitterpation, she... (Of Fire Born ~ welcome, 2012! )

caught the glint in the pig farmer's eye. Slowly, he lower his shotgun. "Well, OK. Maybe just this one time. But you tell that son of a birch Dad that............. (Dad )

...the next one's for him." Dad and Steve looked at each other and Steve said, "What are we supposed to do while FireBorn is cocking the farmer's shotgun? Watch?" Dad... (Steve Ellen )

said, "But of course! What are voyeuristic WDC friends for???!!!" Steve recoiled in abject... (Of Fire Born ~ welcome, 2012! )

feigned revulsion. Secretly, Steve loved the thought of watching, but thought if anyone knew, his reputation would be ruined. Little did he know.......... (Dad )

that his reputation was so solid that not even the wildest perversion on his part could shake it. So he put his hands over his eyes and peeked through his fingers as FireBorn said, "OK, Farmer Brown, now that you are cocked and loaded, let's... (Steve Ellen )

get the road on the show, or something like that." She pulled out her shotgun. "Do you want to shoot Steve and let me shoot Dad, or would you like to shoot Dad?" (Dad )

Farmer Brown was shocked by FireBorn's violent tendencies as he thought she just wanted to clean his gun. "Lady, you're too tough for me. I ain't gonna kill nobody just so you can... (Steve Ellen )

get rid of Dad. Besides, I like Steve. He's like the dog I never had." Instantly, his dog Fido bit his ankle and.......... (Dad )

he hastily corrected himself. Meanwhile, Dad was thinking that if everybody was out to get him, then maybe he should... (Steve Ellen )

make friends with the dog. After all, everybody likes dogs, and dogs are always just so damned glad to see you. Then, maybe............ (Dad )

if he was friends with Fido then Fido would put in a good word for him with the humans and he wouldn't have to live in a hole in the backyard anymore. Not that he didn't like scrounging for tablescraps, but if he could just... (Steve Ellen )

stop peeing on bushes and fire hydrants. That would be a vast improvement. Steve has told Dad many times to.......... (Dad )

stop peeing on the roses. It seems Dad was once mistreated by an evil woman named Rose and ever since then he has... (Steve Ellen )

made a habit of chasing parked cars, which confuses the neighborhood canines and has left an ungly contusion on Steve's forhead. But... (Of Fire Born ~ welcome, 2012! )

realizing we'd gone down this storyline once before, Steve quickly switched to Top-Secret Plan 10 from Outer Space, which, as every knows............ (Dad )

is the storyline where FireBorn finally gets her just desserts. But first, we have to set it up. One day, when Dad... (Steve Ellen )

fell off the turnip truck... (Of Fire Born ~ welcome, 2012! )

Steve laughed his ass off (which explains why he looks so odd, but anyway). Dad landed hard and rolled several feet down a................ (Dad )

cliff but managed to grab on to a tree root and hang there with his legs dangling over a 100-foot drop while Steve and FireBorn played Rock-Scissors-Paper to see who would make the 9-1-1 call. FireBorn lost and had to make the call... (Steve Ellen )

But she had to call 4-1-1 to get the number for 9-1-1, all the while Dad's arms are getting more and more tired. Finally, Dad's aching arms give out, and ................ (Dad )

he screamed out the name and number of a good orthopedic surgeon as he fell 100 feet to land with a thud. "Did you get that number?" FireBorn said. Steve shrugged. "I wasn't paying attention." Then they... (Steve Ellen )

played knick-knack, paddywack on Dad-o's battered bones, called a cab and rolled on home. BUT... (Of Fire Born ~ welcome, 2012! )

there was a lone figure watching from the trees and he came to stand by Dad's side. "Easy there, old fellow. I'll put you in a bag and carry you to the emergency room on my back." Later... (Steve Ellen )

Santa would explain to the E.R. staff that Rudolph had been relieving himself behind an acacia tree when Dan took the plunge, and... (Of Fire Born ~ welcome, 2012! )

Dad just missed impaling himself on Rudy's antlers. They were both greatly relieved. However, as the doctor bound Dad's wounds and set his broken bones, she............ (Dad )

noticed he had an extra foot. "Did someone fall with you?" she asked. "No," Dad said. "That's my lucky mailman's foot. I carry it with me all the time." The doctor was relieved when Dad finally left. Once outside, Dad... (Steve Ellen )

limped noticeably. "Knew I shoulda gotten a &#*@!% crutch," Dad complained softly. "If them two !%$*$##:'s FireBorn and Steve wouldn've paid attention, or not taken so &#*@!% long to call an ambulance, none of this woulda happened. (Dad )

Fireborn and Steve peeked out the window and giggled like two little girls. Then FireBorn slapped Steve and said, "Man up!" Steve grew red-faced. "The hell with you then! I'll go play with Dad!" But Dad was still feeling... (Steve Ellen )

an intense amount of pain and didn't want to play. He wanted to go home and pop pain pills, so he told Steve to go............. (Dad )

find a pharmacist who didn't mind filling the same prescription twice. Then Dad dragged himself into his favorite recliner, turned on the TV, and watched... (Steve Ellen )

the test pattern. He didn't realize it was 3:00 in the morning. Rather than wait for Steve with the pills, Dad just dragged himself into bed and hoped............. (Dad )

he wouldn't have that recurring dream about being with Fireborn and a psychotic clown in a barn in Kansas when a tornado hits and carries them off to a strange land where... (Steve Ellen )

extremely short people pave their streets with the gaudiest, most flamboyant, most expensive paving materials known to man, while people can't afford to by decent food. These dreams............. (Dad )

had plagued his boyhood until he learned to tie a rope tightly around his head before sleeping. Now he had fallen asleep without his trusty headrope. Soon he was mumbling in his sleep, "Follow the expensive road. Follow the expensive road..." (Steve Ellen )

He was fine, until talking scarecrows, and walking tin statues entered his dreams. When Steve showed up with the medicine, and woke Dad, Dad threw him out. He had enough.......... (Dad )

medicine in him already to cure 99 major diseases. Now he just wanted to go back to sleep and find the wizard and... (Steve Ellen )

take a whiz on Dr. Zhivago's prescription pad, after which... (Of Fire Born ~ welcome, 2012! )

he'd sprint down the yellow brick road ahead of James and the Giant Peach, hoping not to get crushed. The Tin Man chopped the peach into............... (Dad )

a dessert fit for a king, but Old King Cole preferred to smoke his bong, so Fireborn dressed like a belly dancer and covered herself with peach sherbert, causing Dad to say... (Steve Ellen )

DAY-um, Girl! Where'd ya get that fuzzy navel? To this Steve, who's a deep dark secret, secret, soul-torturing, heart-crunching, purple passion-evoking crush on OFB since Hector was a pup, retorted... (Of Fire Born ~ welcome, 2012! )

If you think her navel is fuzzy you should see her... (Steve Ellen )

mix other drinks, like Long Island Iced Tea, a Nagasake Sunrise, an Alabama Slammer, or the Skip and Go Naked Punch. On the other hand, ............ (Dad )

the parts of her that are NOT fuzzy are mighty interesting too, for example, her... (Steve Ellen )

belly, back, the palms of her hands, and her forehead. Her face is quite fuzzy, which causes her to............ (Dad )

pronounce her r's and s's funny, but she refuses to shave her lips, claiming that the kissing is better and she doesn't have to spend any money on lipstick. Sometimes I think she... (Steve Ellen )

gives the softest, warmest kisses this side of the Rockies, and when I see multitudes of hunky men lusting after her, I'm overcome by... (Of Fire Born ~ welcome, 2012! )

shock, dismay, even disbelief that anyone would ever consider thinking FireBorn was anything that she wasn't. The very idea! It leaves me............... (Dad )

vibrating with unfulfilled lust. I feel like a sex toy turned on by a librarian in her secret closet and then put on the shelf to rattle around until my batteries die or... (Steve Ellen )

until a new storyline comes along. And look what just waltzed through the door! It's the story of Hantzel and Gretl, a German newlywed couple who moved to Holland Michigan........... (Dad )

and opened up a Gingerbread Shoppe. When Dad saw the "COOK WANTED" sign in the window, he... (Steve Ellen )

thought this was a NEW story line. Hantzel and Gretl, a German newlywed couple who moved to Holland Michigan and opened a Gingerbread Shoppe............. (Dad )

began taking applications for a cook. They wanted someone who wouldn't bite the feet off the Gingerbread Men like their previous cook did. So this time... (Steve Ellen )

Steve put together the want ad - however, after pondering for hours only to come up with the phrase "I want you" ... (Of Fire Born ~ welcome, 2012! )

he realized he was a very lonely man. Then he attempted to have sex with a large vat of gingerbread dough. Fortunately, he was stopped by an alert dough guard. However, he was fired and thus Dad was promoted to... (Steve Ellen )

call a producer friend and ask that Steve be cast in the sizzling hot new moving, "American Gingerbread", resulting in (Of Fire Born ~ welcome, 2012! )

Steve's skyrocketing into the wild wacky world of Hollywood where he exploded into a shower of fast-fading sparks. "Is my career over already?" he said as he lay in the gutter nursing a bottle of cheap wine. Fortunately, Dad's fate was... (Steve Ellen )

to win the Nowhereville, Minnesota Pick Five And A Half Lottery, the proceeds of which he impulsively blew on... (Of Fire Born ~ welcome, 2012! )

lingerie for FireBorn. Unfortunately, Dad got drunk and decided to try the stuff on before he gave it to her. When she received them, she asked, "Why are these dainties ripped apart at the seams?" Dad's reply was... (Steve Ellen )

"All the better to fit you, my dear", leading OFB to inquire, "Is that your best Big Bag Wolf impression or a bold-faced insinuation that I'm packing a good bit of junk in my trunk?" Whereupon... (Of Fire Born ~ welcome, 2012! )

Dad blushed and said, "I thought I was doing W.C. Fields. If we're going to do Disney can I be Little Red Riding Hood?" OFB was speechless. Her man in a gown? Maybe Steve wasn't the biggest loser after all. She picked up the phone and... (Steve Ellen )

called Mickey and Minnie, urgently requesting they schedule an immediate physical examination of Daddy-o's mouseketeer and cheeseballs to rule out the possibility that... (Of Fire Born ~ welcome, 2012! )

he was donald ducking himself into major goofiness. "We don't do housecalls," Minnie said and hung up. "That little mouse bitch!" OFB yelled. "Maybe she'll do housecalls if I put my foot... (Steve Ellen )

on Mickey's happy little bee-hind and pull his flipping tail off! But being the devout Animated Animal Rights Activist she was, OFB soon forsook this idea in favor of... (Of Fire Born, New & Improved! (Of Fire Born ~ welcome, 2012! )

spanking Dad's tail until he squawked like a duck. OFB loved to hear a grown man squawk like a duck. It excited her sweat glands and cleansed her pores. Not to mention how it... (Steve Ellen )

provided those much needed extra feathers for her luxuriant down pillows. And of course, by 'pillows', we mean... (Of Fire Born ~ welcome, 2012! )

big soft things that you lay your head on. Quite different from 'pillars', which are big hard things that... (Steve Ellen )

bring pleasure to many a forlorn female in the wee hours of the.... (Of Fire Born ~ welcome, 2012! )

Revolution when the fire of idealism still burns bright and no one has been disillusioned yet when the Great Leader becomes a cruel dictator... yes, the wee hours are the best time to look for forlorn females and... (Steve Ellen )

their well worn pillars. One might even celebrate the discovery of... (Of Fire Born ~ welcome, 2012! )

cantaloupe. I don't, but some might. I remember once I discovered a cantaloupe floating in my commode. How did it get there? That mystery was never solved. So you can see that I am not the one to invite to a cantaloupe celebration. However... (Steve Ellen )

Total Displayed: 100