Ravenwand, Rising Star! says "Odd sport it was, the NASBULL competition, in Pamplona NC. "

Haze. Purple Haze. says "Anchorage used to be the host city, but Pamplona served both sports better. Ed, Ned and Zed called their father Oed, who was sitting roadside, crocheting a sweater. "Oed here, who's there?" he asked, in his unusual way."

Steve Ellen says ""Aye, papa! Das boot ist gerflunken!" the boys answered and everyone laughed at the old family joke. Oed held up the sweater. "You see, I have made the chest very narrow so it will fit little Ted." Ned, who was a fatso, frowned, but held his tongue."

Haze. Purple Haze. says "His tongue had a habit of lolling out of his mouth, ever since Oed had accidentally burned Ned's lips off in a freak accident. Luckily, the freak suffered more damage than Ned had. Meanwhile, Gruntina was using pancakes to floss her remaining teeth."

Ravenwand, Rising Star! says "Ether bottle uncorked, she soaked the rag in her hand with the contents therein, then lay down on the couch, taking a big whiff of her nightly sleep assistant. "

Haze. Purple Haze. says "Stan, the nightly sleep assistant, let her whiff him in. "Oh 'Tina," Stan groaned. "Sniff it all in!" Just then, Gruntina heard a noise outside the window."

Ravenwand, Rising Star! says "'OW, Stan!" Gruntina complained. "WHY YOU WEAR YOUR SPIKY DRAWERS?""

Steve Ellen says ""Er... spiky drawers? I thought they were my Spidey drawers. I'm going to have to stop getting dressed in the dark. If I can. But I fear the light so much." Stan hissed and smashed the lightbulb in the nearby lamp even though it was ony a 7-watt bulb."

Ravenwand, Rising Star! says ""Bulbasaur! I caught a Bulbasaur!" Gruntina exclaimed, as she played her Pokemon game."

Haze. Purple Haze. says "Her Pokemon Gamelongdong was sitting in the garden, waiting to evolve. Meanwhile, Bulbasaur was evolving into something a little bit more than just a Pokemon. Right about then, Oed called, looking for his son."

Ravenwand, Rising Star! says ""Son of a bitch," exclaimed Bulbasaur, "I wasn't supposed to grow THAT when I evolved!""

Steve Ellen says ""Evolve dysfunctional!" exclaimed the little Observatron that circled endlessly through the house looking for tidbits to comment on. Bulbasaur kicked it. "If you made a video, erase it NOW!""

Haze. Purple Haze. says "Now we come to the plot twist. Breakfast foods named after people. People named after Pokemon. Now on to the sports. Here's a partial score Mt. St. Mary's 10. Over to the weather."

Steve Ellen says ""We atherions don't have any weather on our planet. The ather is still. Ather is the magical substance that is the basis of the All. I know you don't understand that. That's because you're not an Atherion. You're just a stupid earth creature.""

Haze. Purple Haze. says "A Turean, of course, would know all about Atherion and its inhabitants. The Turean system consists of nine and a half planets, the last, an experiment gone awry on what used to be called Lahtrednaen. Now, it's only half the planet it used to be."

Ravenwand, Rising Star! says ""To be, or not to be," Gruntina read from her favorite volume of Shakespeare, Bulbasaur was delighted, he loved Shakespeare and it offered a respite from her usual grunting."

Haze. Purple Haze. says ""Gruntingaaaaa," Bulbasaur grunted. She was almost to his favorite part - the one about the deep sleep."

Steve Ellen says ""Deep sleep keep me free. Deep sleep I weep for thee!" Gruntina intoned. Bulbasaur shivered. "I love the 'ee' sound. Reminds me of how Chizarra lizards squeak when I eat them. You hungry, baby?""

Haze. Purple Haze. says ""Baby, I AM. Ted can't make pancakes like you, you big Bulba," Gruntina grunted. "How DO they squeak? In A-Flat Minor?""

Ravenwand, Rising Star! says ""Ordinarily, I'd marvel at your musical prowess, 'Tina," Bulbasaur said, "But they clearly squeak in B flat, you LOOOOSER!""

Steve Ellen says ""Seriously, B flat? That's what my mama told me was the best way to avoid boys hitting on me all the time. Of course, I didn't take her advice. Now I play defense with my double D's and LOVE it!""

Haze. Purple Haze. says "It seemed that Tina was a bit more literate around Bulbasaur, but maybe she was just good at it and liked practicing around her imaginary friend. If she were an Atherion, everything would have been reversed."

Ravenwand, Rising Star! says ""Ever sed exclusivinglyeddersed?" Gruntina asked Bulbasaur, trying out her eloquence. Bulba's response was an incoherent babbling."

Steve Ellen says "Bling sparkled on her fingers, on her ears, on her chest, but despite her twinkling appearance, only Bulbasaur found Gruntina the least bit attractive. And not because of the bling. It was the Shakespeare. She could shake his spear like no one else could."

Haze. Purple Haze. says "L.D. finally got what he wanted from Theo. It was an anti-Gruntina Knockerbumper potion designed to make her want to leave their village and never return the shopping cart to Blings Be We. "Now to administer it!""

Steve Ellen says "It came down to a choice between administering it with an injection in the buttocks or mixing it with sheep dip and having Gruntina walk through it."

Ravenwand, Rising Star! says ""Ugh, it dropped on the floor!" LD lamented as the last of his potion fell to the floor, shattering the vial. A thick vapor rose from the melting linolium, filling the room and making both LD and Theo pass out."

Haze. Purple Haze. says ""Pass out more of that potion, LD," wailed Gamelongdong. They were all getting high on anti-Gruntina potion."

Steve Ellen says ""I only wanted to get rid of her!" LD giggled. "I think I've stumbled across another example of The Law Of Unintended Consequences!""

Haze. Purple Haze. says "Sequences like this are difficult to space properly unless the writer is already spaced by which I mean Albuquerque is a very weird word and probably doesn't need both those Qs. LD stared at the text he'd just typed hoping he'd get another shot of potion."

Ravenwand, Rising Star! says ""Oh tion me, why don't you?" Gruntina whined to Bulbasaur. "Tion? What the eff is tion?" Bulba spat, growing more angry by the minute. "It's pronounced SHUN, you illiterate Pokemon!" "

Haze. Purple Haze. says "Money changed hands and soon, the bulbasaur was whisked off to the place where plotlines die. Gruntina didn't mind. She had drunk some potion that made her wish she were somewhere else too. Just then, Ted, Ned, Ed, Red and Zed came back from bowling."

Steve Ellen says "Ling Ling, Ted's pet Panda, had been hit in the head by a stray bowling ball so they were all feeling a bit sad as they sat around watching Ling Ling's feeble twitchings and struggles to breathe. "Is she going to die?" Ned asked."

Haze. Purple Haze. says "Ked Ling, Ling Ling's brother, sat wallowing in an Australian zoo, wondering when, if ever, he'd get back to the bowling alley. Gruntina was already walking down the road with Bulba."

Ravenwand, Rising Star! says "Back to back they walked. It was a very awkward stance."

Haze. Purple Haze. says "Yawk W. Ardstance was standing on the side of that road as the two walked on by. After stepping on each other's heels, they started walking sideways. Yawk was taking pictures with his new oPhone."

Steve Ellen says "One of the pictures showed a mysterious shadowy figure in the background. Yawk held it up and shouted, "I have photographed the ghost of Oprah!""

Haze. Purple Haze. says ""Of Oprah? Are you sure? She's not dead yet," shouted a bystander. "Why are you shouting?" Yawk asked. "You started it!" the bystander stopped standing and walked away, still shouting. Yawk was just glad to be moving the plot along."

Steve Ellen says "Along about noon the plot was getting hungry so it entered a conveniently located restaurant and had a tilapia filet with rice and brocoli. In walked Yawk and the bystander, still arguing. "Crap!" said the plot and slipped out the back door."

Haze. Purple Haze. says "Or as I like to recall it, backed out the slip door. As Yawk knelt to genuflect, a piece of rust flect off the car he had just rode in on."

Ravenwand, Rising Star! says "On and on the rust flect, till there was nothing left but a car frame and some assorted parts."

Haze. Purple Haze. says "Ted parts the scene here, to leave room for others in his family. He stepped down quicker than a duck."

Steve Ellen says "A duck on speed, I mean. Your normal duck is not quick. Unless you set fire to his tail or perform some other dubious act. In some states duck tail burning can get you 3 to 10 in the Big House. Ted does not have webbed feet if that's what you're thinking."

Haze. Purple Haze. says "What you're thinking is probably that Ted is merely a moderate walker, not a speedy guy at all. But that would only be half-true. His aim was to leave the plot as well as the scene. He missed a lot, so he was still working on his aim."

Steve Ellen says ""Aim high!" we told him and allow for the wind. But you know old Ted. He would shoot his toes off if you didn't kick the barrel up for him at the moment he shoots."

Haze. Purple Haze. says "The shoots and leaves around the house were looking chewed-upon, as if by some panda. But they had never been seen in this vicinity, so it left Ted and Yawk a little flabbergasted. Luckily, something happened just then, that would forever change life."

Steve Ellen says ""Ever change lifeguards?" asked the pool master. Now Ted and Yawk were more than just a little flabbergasted. Yawk's flabber in particular was about to burst it's gast. "But I don't have a pool!" Ted protested."

Ravenwand, Rising Star! says "Ted went to the fridge, to extract a beer. "Want one Yawk?" he asked his friend, "It will help heal your flabber's gast." Yawk looked dejected. "I'd rather have a dose of that pool master out there," he said, staring hungrily at Juan Orlando."

Haze. Purple Haze. says "And over at the pool, Juan was wondering whether or not Yawk was of the Ardstance Geys, unrelated to the Homestead Greys. Meanwhile, Bulba and Gruntina waddled back-to-back down the road, into the sunset, on their way to It aly."

Haze. Purple Haze. says "On their way to Italy, they encountered a strange fellow who said his name was Chad Prndwooooxly. The imaginary brother of a character in another I/O walked on past Gruntina and her bulbasaur."

Steve Ellen says ""Bulbasaurs make good pets," he said, but Gruntina sometimes would not speak to strangers."

Haze. Purple Haze. says "Anger, stress, and all sorts of other angst-filled words filled their minds as they stared at each other. Then, the moment passed as quickly as they passed each other on the road. Nowadays, that's called a euphemism."

Ravenwand, Rising Star! says "Small comfort to Chad, he was always being passed up. But being invisible, he had to expect that."

Steve Ellen says "Hat askew, socks rolled down, pants unzipped, Chad affected a jaunty atmosphere as he strolled the lanes of the charming village."

Ravenwand, Rising Star! says "Age never mattered to Bulbasaur, Gruntina was far older than he. "More wrinkles for the tinkles," he always said"

Haze. Purple Haze. says ""I don't have a response for that," Gruntina grunted in response. "I haven't slept in ten days," Bulbasaur replied, "Because that would be too long.""

Haze. Purple Haze. says "Longing to be back in the plotline, Ted and Ed crawled out from underneath the bed and began to make it. Nothing like an unmade bed to get Ted moving."

Haze. Purple Haze. says ""To get Ted moving," Ed began, "You have to start singing a country song. Like that great new one "Not About A Porter"."

Haze. Purple Haze. says "Terrible as it seems, Ed got Ted singing all sorts of country songs. Soon, even Zordon the Great and Cho So Ma joined in and they were jamming away."

Ravenwand, Rising Star! says "Way on back in the audience, Yo Yo Ma glared at Cho So Ma in abject jealousy. How dare he play the cello like an oversized fiddle? Although the melody sounded unusual, Yo Yo got into the groove and eventually closed his eyes, hypnotized by the melody."

Haze. Purple Haze. says "ELO dyed their hair orange. What that has to do with the plot is anyone's guess. Just then, a random plot writer asked, "Can anyone give me a random consonant?"

Ravenwand, Rising Star! says "TAPE! " Gruntina grunted."

Ravenwand, Rising Star! says "Ted glared at her. "The writers have been trying to write you out of the plotline for some time now, why don't you just go crawl off somewhere?" "Because that would be detrimental to my character development," she sighed."

Haze. Purple Haze. says "Ed looked askance at her. "Did you just SIGH? That's so Un-Gruntina of you. I'm going to go back to VH1 and watch ELO sing all their greatest hits," he told her. Then he toddled off and was never heard from again."

Ravenwand, Rising Star! says "In a half hour he was back. "Too many words end in ed, so I might as well come back with some dignity," Ed complained."

Steve Ellen says "Ed wasn't serious about his "too many words end in ed" complaint. In fact, it was a source of great pride to him and his relatives. As Granny would often say, "What if every word ended in Sam?""

Haze. Purple Haze. says "Ed, in sampling his Hors D'ouevres, wondersam how anyone could possibly end words like gresam (I mean greed) with the letters SAM. Then he recalled that Granny Edwina was a horticulturist."

Ravenwand, Rising Star! says ""I stopped trying to culture whores a long time ago," said Lemont, the Pimp. "They's determined to be Hos." Granny Edwina was perplexed. "What do garden implements have to do with the plot?""

Haze. Purple Haze. says "The plot is earthy and ready for the plant to be gently placed in among the worms and other rich nutrients found in soil. At least, the soil around Lemont's house. "Ho number one! Git yer pumpkins over here!""

Steve Ellen says ""Here we be!" said the Three Pumpkins, looking bright and shiny as new pennies. Lemont got out his camera and took their picture."

Haze. Purple Haze. says "Picture, if you will, shiny pumpkins posing for a photographer whose purpose in life was to propose to Patsy Cline. Add to that, about a teaspoon of horns and a jumpin' rhythm section and you've got the combo you've always dreamed of."

Steve Ellen says ""Of This I Dream", their first album, was mostly patriotic and inspirational songs, and yet there were still people who bought it. Mostly Republicans, to be sure, but still considered to be people. As one commented: "I like the way they stand up.""

Steve Ellen says ""Stand Up For Jesus" was their second album and was more overtly religious. Sales were not quite as good. Republican buyers would nervously finger the album at the store and wonder: "But what if we decide to run a Mormon as a presidential candidate?""

Ravenwand, Rising Star! says ""Andi dates Mormons," claimed Ed, "So at least he'd get the female vote. Who wouldn't want to be one of the wives of a president?" The Three Pumpkins looked at Ed like he was an Ediot. "The presidential candidate IS a woman," the lead pumpkin said."

Steve Ellen says ""I didn't know that," Ed said. "Apparently there is a lot you don't know," said one of the three Pumpkins."

Haze. Purple Haze. says "Insisting he'd like to know more Ed bought the second album and was surprised to find a hidden song at the end, not listed in the credits. Unfortunately, the only way to play it was backwards. When Ed did that, he heard pumpkins laughing."

Steve Ellen says "Laughing Pumpkins became the new band name. Ed was surprised at this congruence of his personal reality with what he had always considered to be "the outside world". One of the Pumpkins said, "Ed, it's all in your mind, everything, the entire universe.""

Haze. Purple Haze. says "Verses began popping out of his head almost faster than he could put them on the screen. Luckily, it was a large screen and he was a fast typer. "All in your mind, you are so kind, Outside world, I think I just hurled." Yeah. Didn't say he was good."

Ravenwand, Rising Star! says "Good thing his target audience was high schoolers, because soon he had a number one hit. Some more of the lyrics: Into the mist, i think I just pissed, Up in the air, there goes a hare, I love to snore, you whore."

Steve Ellen says "Whores loved his frequent references to them in his songs and he used that love to bargain their prices down to Third World levels so that he could almost brag to his buddies that he "got it for free!" "

Ravenwand, Rising Star! says ""EEEk! I got it for free!" he told the doctor, three months later. "Well, this 'freebie' is gonna cost you dearly," the doctor shook his head. "We'll have to remove it.""

Haze. Purple Haze. says "It sat on the side of the road, trying to figure out how it had been discovered. They'd never except it back on its home planet of Freebian. Unfortunately, it was only four point five inches tall and was soon squished by the tire of a passing truck."

Steve Ellen says "Trucks are responsible for the deaths of innumerable small lifeforms. Not that I care. I only mention it so you can have something to feel sad about. When I want to feel sad I look in my wallet."

Haze. Purple Haze. says "Al let that comment slide. He was the truck-driver, unfortunately or not. It was his job; it put food on the table. Raw, uncooked food; but food, nonetheless. Soon, he'd have enough money to buy a chair to sit at the table and stare at the uncooked food."

Steve Ellen says ""Food..." Al would mutter, as he stood staring at it. "What is it good for?" He was fascinated by the changes in color and texture as the food slowly rotted. After several days he would toss it out and go looking for more."

Haze. Purple Haze. says "For more is what he craved. More morels, more morals and more morales. Meanwhile, Laughing Pumpkins were stapling flyers to the metal light poles around town. Okay, so they were industrial-strength staples. Anyway, their first album was called Spewed."

Ravenwand, Rising Star! says "Ed spewed his coffee over his computer screen. "That right there is funny, I don't care who y'are!" he laughed as he wiped off the keyboard."

Steve Ellen says "The keyboard cleaning lady was watching from across the room and turned red with anger. Ed was continually ignoring union rules about everything. Maybe Ed needed a little blanket party after work in the parking lot."

Haze. Purple Haze. says "King Lot sat on high watching the keyboard cleaning lady, wondering when things had gotten so specialized. Just then, his urinal cake replacement maid came up and asked him which he preferred - mint chocolate chip or black raspberry."

Ravenwand, Rising Star! says ""Hip Orb Lack Raspberry" Read the article blazing on the front of WTF weekly. Gruntina grunted. "I bet King Lot don't need no raspberries in his hip orb!" Gruntina was one of only five subscribers to the magazine."

Haze. Purple Haze. says "The magazine suddenly doubled its circulation in five minutes, once the I/O had popped onto Google. Knowing that all you had to do was mention a couple of keywords, Gruntina made sure she referenced Google at least two more times. "Google!""

Steve Ellen says "Goo gleaned from the mouths of babies can be cooked up into a fine substitute for roofing tar. Add dryer lint to give it body and strength. This has been another Homemaker Tip from What's Last Is Still First!, the show all of Freebian loves to watch."

Haze. Purple Haze. says "At Christmas, the Freebians would all gather 'round the roaring camplion and sing hail-merry songs about cough syrup and fortunes they should've found by now. "Hey, Gruntina!' Ed called out. "I thought you and Bulba had walked out of this plotline?""

Ravenwand, Rising Star! says ""LINE DANCING!" grunted Gruntina, and she got up and started doing the "After Five" around the roaring bonfire."

Haze. Purple Haze. says "Bonfires aside, Gruntina was a great grunter, a semi-great line-dancer and a terrible kilt-knitter. But whenever she grunted, you knew she was done with her current assignment. Time for a breakfast burrito."

Steve Ellen says ""I took the last one," Ed said. "Sorry!""

Haze. Purple Haze. says "Rye bread flew out of the Freebian's mouth and landed directly on the top of Ed's head, crushing him under its weight. The goo that had been gleaned from the mouths of babes hadn't yet been cooked up into a fine substitute for roofing tar. Hence the spew."

Haze. Purple Haze. says "Pews made from the roofing tar substitute withstood even the rowdiest bonfires. Despite their best efforts, the Fellowship of Nahkerbumpers couldn't get their pews to burn. None of the congregation sat upon them any more. They were useless."

Haze. Purple Haze. says "Useless as Stan's Spiky Drawers, which somehow ended up on f-Bay, next to a genuine souvenir from a NASBULL race in Pamplona, NC. Lemont was there, taking pictures, as usual. He now worked for Zeb's Pews & Roofers."

Steve Ellen says ""Oof! Er... Should this nail be sitting here point up?" Lemont asked. The roofers chuckled. "Did you sit on it? Sorry we're laughing, but there is damn little up here on these hot roofs that is funny. We thank you.""

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