"#10 You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille. With 400 children and the crop's in the field."

"#9 "Turn the lights out, in the steak house, here we are now, eating tables" Smells Like Teen Spirit ~ Nirvana "

"#8 "...We'll perspire as we sit by the fire..." -- White Christmas"

"#7 "...me and you and Leslie...Groovin' on a Sunday afternoon." = should be you and me, endlessly. (Groovin' - the Young Rascals)"

"#6 'Flies in the Vasoline...' = Life in the fast lane. Eagles"

"# 5 ' I've got friends with glow faces' = Low Places, Garth Brooks"

"#4 "Carry mine, carry mine, no you carried my poker face!" Poker Face ~ Lady Gaga"

"#4 "Rocket man... burnin' out the jews on every lawn." Rocket Man ~ Elton John"

"#2 "She's... so funky, yeah... She's... so funky, yeah." In Peter Gabriel's Games Without Frontiers, that is the French translation - Je Sans Frontiere - but the DJ announced it as, "She's so funky yeah.""

"#1 "Oh the taste of a lip slide on a rake!" Toxic ~ Britney Spears"

"Top Ten signs you've heard too many Brittney Spears songs"

"#10 Like, ya' know, it's really really, ya'know, like totally lame to like listen to ya'know like anything else..really."

"#9 Somebody mentions the Beatles, and you get a glassy look in your eyes as you ask "Who?""

"#8 You make YouTube videos asking everyone to "please just leave Brittney alone!""

"#7 You don't even consider the implications of a line that says "Hit me, baby, one more time.""

"#6 Your name is either Jason Alexander, Kevin Fedreline, or Jason Trawick"

"#5 My name is Todd. I'm 10 years old. My older sister plays BS non-stop. Please help?"

"#4 Justin Who?"

"#3 You've stopped wearing underpants and shaved your head."

"#2 You get in numerous fistfights with those damn Little Monsters."

"#1 your friends at work start wearing earplugs because you're always blasting BS songs on the computer."

"Top ten odd replies to "I Love You""

"#10 Thank you?"

"#9 I want a divorce"

"#8 I love you, too, Charlie. (Hint: Your name is Gene)"

"#7 What did you say, dear?"

"#6 No you don't."

"#5 Hysterical laughter."

"# 4 You and every other bimbo this side of Vegas."

"#3 You do? Man, that surprises me, I though you were just a stalker."

"#2 a loud, long and foul smelling fart"

"#1 I do too, but I prefer ash. It makes the bow easier to draw. Yew is stronger, true."

"Top Ten Kitchen Appliances "

"#10 The Lorenna Bobbitt Sausage Slicer"

"#9 The Jeffrey Dahmer food processor"

"#8 Papa John's hot-popped popcorn popper. How many pots of hot-popped popcorn will Papa John's hot-popped popcorn popper pop?"

"# 7 The Kim Jong il Remonde-Aid Brender, when you are ronery and rearry rearry want some remonde-aide."

"#6 George Foreman Meat Juicer - just put in the meat cuts, close the lid, and fill the collector tray with hot steaming meat juices."

"#5 (For those of us old enough to remember this) The Anita Bryant Straight Orange Juicer. You simply cannot make screwdrivers with this, you may only drink your orange juice straight."

"OT: If you don't get it, email me. I'll explain it"

"OT: A day without orange juice, is day without sunshine. Who could forget that marketing gem."

"#4 The ice-maker. Do you know, if you forget to flip that little thing down, it 'forgets' to make ice?"

"OT: Do you know that if an ice tray is empty, no one bothers to fill it but me?"

"O.T. - I knew there was one in each state."

"OT: I've stopped using ice and it's not a problem! Fridge cold is cold enough."

"OT: Thanks, Chowda. It's nice to know I'm not the only dinosaur at this I/O"

"#3 The beer cooler. Every dorm room had one when I was in college. Some had three or four."

"#2 The Food Processor seems to be loved by many people but I never have figured it out. What does it do? It doesn't cook. Apparently it cuts up your food into little bits? Isn't that what knives and teeth are for?"

"#1 Kitchen Appliance is the Microwave oven. Believed to have mystical powers dating back to the mid-70's, this classic device of the modern era has been known to boil water, place personal ads and even surf the web!"

"Top Ten Ways To Boil Water"

"#10 Give your kid a magnifying glass on a hot sunny day and tell him there are ants playing in the water."

"#9 Carry - by hand - a pot full of water to the summit of an active volcano and leave it there til it boils."

"#8 Wait for Jor-El to send his only son Kal-El to our planet, and then have the boy use his heat vision to make boiling water for all of us!"

"#7 Isn't this why they invented blowtorches in the first place?"

"#6 Small explosions. Not too big or you will blow the pot apart. Not too small or you will be there all day yelling "Fire in the hole!" over and over and over..."

"#5 - Find a woman in full-blown meopause nd just wait. Then, suddenly, HOT FLASH!!!!"

"#4 The homeless have specialties. Drive around town until you find one holding a sign that says "Will boil water for food." "

"#3 Place in glass of water very close to the sun."

"#2 Set the water you require boiled at the base of the rocket gantry and wait until the coolant has been burned off before using in your home."

"#1 Let a senile woman loose in your house and tell her to fix herself some soup. Before YOU leave the house, set a Pyrex measuring cup of water in the middle of the living room floor. After she sets the house on fire, the water will eventually boil."

"Top Ten Questions On The I.Q. Test For Dummies"

"#10 Which one of these words does NOT belong: marshmallow, mushroom, marmalade, Cincinnatti"

"#9 If 2 + 2 = 4, how much is 2 + 2 =?"

"#8 What is East Hampton East of?"

"#7 What species is Snooki?"

"#6 If you go into a room with a block of ice, a goat, and four apples, then exit the room holding one of the apples, what were you wearing?"

"#5 If Jimmy Crack Corn sticks his thumb in a pie and a crow flies out, who is the Old Lady in the Shoe sleeping with tonight?"

"#4 What is the difference between an oral thermometer and oral sex?"

"#3 If a train leave Boston going 75 miles per hour due East, where is it going?"

"#2 Why did the little moron throw a clock out the window?"

"#1 What material do you use to create an ice sculpture?"

"In Tribute to this I/O Stealing...I mean ...borrowing Letterman's skit, THE TOP TEN STOLEN IDEAS"

"# 10 New Coke.....same as the old Coke just with the word 'New' in front of it."

"#9 Using someone else's music as my background and I just have to rap over top of it. (Insert any rapper's name here)"

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