"Do Physics really need the internet."

"After taking an ecology class this semester, I decided to start doing my part to save the environment. So I've begun using cloth toilet paper. "

"Why won't anyone sign my petition to make cross-country snow shoveling an Olympic sport?"

"I decided to not use spell check in my emails,I want the gov't to have to work to read mine."

"when i was ten i crossed a butterfinger and a snickers bar. i couldn't figure out what the butter thought was so funny, nor how to use a finger bar? now i finally know..."

"Lincoln Fact #68272: Abe prefered the soft-shelled variety of tacos with a dash of Tabasco."

"Mwuhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha Hahahahah. Haha. Ha. Ha (Evil laugh practice session #295835)"

"If you're counting sheep as they jump over the fence, and one of em' jumps but doesn't quite make it, do you count him anyway? "

"They ought to make speeding ticket gift certificates. For $75 dollars, you're relatives could pre-pay for your next minor traffic offense. I think I'm on to something here..."

"You can say "You are not_" or "You aren't_" or "You're not_" Why the hell don't we just combine all three and make it "Yaren't_"?"

"At some point in the future, I'm planning to have my name legally changed to Anonymous. No last name, no middle initial, just Anonymous..."

"When I grow up, I either want to be a supermodel, or a manequin. I haven't really decided yet."

"Is it possible to be illegally blind? "

"Why can't I just buy one egg? I never use eggs. I don't cook. I microwave. If I had a microwave big enough, why, I could nuke you a birthday cake. "

"I've never been a fashionable person. I dress myself simply because it's illegal not to."

"It is easy to blow your nose with toilet paper, but it is hard to wipe your ass with Kleenex."

"Apparently, I'm the only person who actually eats poor Irish children. I guess no one else got the memo... "

"Though it hadn't passed the fire code, the house that I'd constructed from sparklers and candle stubs was architecturally sound..."

"I had long suspected that if I could only kick my left leg up over my shoulder, why, the world would be my playground. Now, after watching the Ring 2, I know that its true."

"I was talking to my dog the other day, and he told me the strangest thing about the neighbors cat..."

"I've often wondered about shops/store that have signs that say 'open 7 days'. How do they survive? What do they do for the rest of the year?"

"Why is Guess Who such a racist game? The kids I baby sit were playing it and there's like a hierarchy - if you're not a white male you're gonna lose. The worst is being a black woman. And we let our kids play this?"

"I don't have 'random' thoughts. My thoughts are carefully controlled, precisely targeted, and efficiently utilized."

"Shouldn't the contraction of "will not" be "willn't"?"

"I don't know why I'm so disappointed everytime I lose the lotto. I"ve lost it 1,000 times in a row, so I should be used to it."

"Smile, for you don't know if you'll be frowning when you die!"

"Why do so many people want to ban cigarettes and alcohol when smokers and drinkers tax dollars fund half the gov't programs?"

"Why does Wal*Mart sell edited music, yet R rated movies?"

"Just think if our pee was blue and toilet drop-ins were yellow. I'ld still flush when it turned green!"

"gold fish can't have seconds or they die."

"I find sex to be better if I also have a dog licking my testicles, but cats are a different. There tongue's too rough!!!"

"It is awkward to have sex when the dog and cat are watching you."

"....verrrry strange...."

"Your welcome! I didn't know we were limited to statements in this in & out poll. I thought we were only limited by our own wacky mind. Sorry for the confusion! Just a thought!"

"Catfood Flavours: "Fish - With Whitebait!" So in essence, Fish - With FISH! I don't get it."

"The best question of all time was asked in 1945 by the Mayor of Hiroshima when he asked: "What the fuck was that?""

"Is this really the place to be asking questions? Aren't there plenty of other In%Outs already dedicated to that? In the future, could you please type statements rather than questions? Should I thank you in advance?"

"How bout a lawnkey monkey? What would that be? That is the question"

"Note to Randi: "funky" and "monkey" aren't pronounced the same. It's "fun-key" and "mawn-key" where "mawn" rhymes with "lawn"..."

"i feel like syrup when i wake up. literally."

"Damn where's the baby oil!!!"

"OHHHH GOD!!! And my ass is on fire!!!"

"OHHHH GOD!!! My eyes they are burning!!!"

"That fart smelled like poo-poo!!!"

"My dog's breath used to smell like cat ass, but then my kitty went to Heaven."

"I wish my feet were bigger, or the wife's feet were smaller!!!"

"There is nothing so refreshing as peeling your sweaty sack away from your leg, where it has been stuck for an hour in this incredible heat!"

"Sometimes two good things just don't go together, like pickles and ice cream, or yogurt and hot sauce, or mustard and pussy..."

"Pudding tastes like chicken"

"Puddin is so good! I love me some puddin! Puddin makes me all warm inside! Puddin' is the creamy goodness of gods! puddin is my friend! I love me some puddin! "

"How long does it take to learn to play air guitar? And how do you know when you get good at it?"

""If the alphabet and numbers could talk what would they say about the computer????????"

"I have the most random thoughts on this page...MWAHAHA"

"Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is the fear of long words. be afraid..be very afraid!"

"I think incense is the stinkiest actor. It acts like it's cool, but all it does is make the room reek like baboon ass and get ashes everywhere."

"Russel Crowe is the stinkiest actor, literally"

"drinking baby oil will soothe the burn of the nuclear shits. It lubricates the anal lining to ease those fierce ass blasters!!"

"Tums make my tummy feel good when I have heartburn. I wish they made ass's for when I have the flaming nuclear shits."

"I sure miss those monkeys!!!"

"Imagine if the letter 'T' didn't exist. Then all wet paint signs would read 'We Pain'"

"Zebras are supposedly striped so they blend in with their surroundings. I have never seen a black and white striped plant, rock, landscape, or water scheme. I think it is a government cover-up to distract us from the dirty truth about gay monkeys and HIV."

"I think I'd rather be the first white rapper on The Simpsons. I'd be like, "Listen up yo, I'm the real deal, I ain't come to steal no meal, so feel me, kill me, but make sure you look inside and see the real me... word""

"I love The Simpsons. When I grow up I want to be in their show. I'll just hang out at Moe's and drink beer all the time, if that's okay."

"Beer does sustain lol I've been doing it for 2 weeks now, and I no longer require sleep either..., not to mention food..."

"BEER!!! I think we should develop a beer full of the necessary nutrients to sustain life. I'ld live on it."

"Even bonafied ice cream is boneless, isn't that vierd? Hey, now I'm in the mood to bone..."

"How many kicks does it take a cricket with a wooden leg to kick all the seeds in a pickle out? Ice cream has no bones."

"If every car took off from a traffic light at the same time, I'm sure it would work. It works for trains, why not cars? I hate sitting at a green light for 5 minutes."

"What would life be like if we ejaculated out of our noses? I bet madman would know!!!"

"I'd be more concerned with what my knees would look like, wouldn't you? Ever seen dogs tie when they mate? Man that looks painful!"

"If a tree fall sin the woods, it DOES make a sound....I know....I was there :)"

"It would be better if your ear wax tasted like gravy. Then life would be good!!!! "

"Sometimes I wish my boogers tasted like chicken. Then, whenever I got hungry, I could just eat some nose chicken. How convenient would that be?!"

"Do boogers taste like chicken?"

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