“This is kind of awkward,” Tails mumbled softly, keeping his eyes down as he spoke. The two tailed fox was used to keeping people busy while his best friend and his girlfriend went to have some fun. He had been helping them find alone time since they first started having sex. They had called on him to make sure no one was peeping on them when they did it out in public and had him distract the friends and family of the girls they brought in for threesomes.

A rather embarrassing example would be when Tails had to distract Cream's mother while Sonic and Amy were screwing her two ways from Sunday in the next room. Having to distract a parent while their daughter’s being banged silly wasn’t what bugged Tails, but rather that Cream’s mother brought out baby pictures to look at and Tails had to look at cute, cuddly baby pictures, mindful of the fact that the said baby was grown up and in the next room with a hedgehog cock in her cunt and a strap-on in her butt. It’s hard to coo at baby pictures when you have that image in your head.

“What’s so awkward? I play with Mario all the time.” Tails nodded slowly to the gruff voice beside him. A few hours ago, he had offered to play a game of golf with Mario, his brother and a few of their friends. A nice game of golf was the perfect way to keep everyone from looking for the princess. Mario invited a few more people to play, including a brown haired princess named daisy, that green lizard Yoshi and the big ape Donkey Kong. All of them were friends of Mario so it made sense that Mario invite them to play, but the other people he called left Tails wondering what the plumber was thinking.

“No offence, but this is just confusing me. Aren’t you the bad guy? From what I’ve heard, you’ve tried to kidnap Princess Peach and take over the Mushroom kingdom like a hundred times? You’re Mario’s mortal enemy, so why the hell did he invite you over to play a friendly game of golf?!” Tails screamed as he pointed to the eight-foot tall turtle like monster standing beside him with a golf club in one hand. When Bowser had shown up, Tails expected a fight; instead the koopa king had started playing golf, along with a few other residents of the Mushroom kingdom that seemed out of place playing a friendly game of golf.

“Beats the heck out of me, kid. We just always been hanging around with that red doofus between trying to kill him,” explained the foul in many ways Wario as he scratched his ass absentmindedly. “It seems one day we're trying to kill his fat ass and the next we’re playing golf or basketball or baseball or soccer or riding go-karts or having a party. In my opinion, I think he ain’t got anyone else to hang out with so he calls us.”

Tails nodded slowly, understanding in a way how Mario could both hang out and fight someone at the same time. There was a thin line between love and hate, and Mario seemed to have trouble staying on one side of the line. Bowser put his scaly hand down on Tails shoulder, coming off as friendly as he could, considering he looked like a monster. “The truth is, I don’t really hate that dumb plumber. I got over trying to kill him and take over the kingdom a long time ago. I only really bother him now to avoid my annoying kids. Man, talk about a bunch of brats.”

Bowser sighed and Wario gave him a sympathetic look, feeling for the giant reptile. Tails looked between them two, wondering if they really were the villains everyone made them out to be. Sure, they looked fearsome and mean, but underneath they seemed really human. It seemed that things weren’t as black and white here in the Mushroom kingdom.

“Same here, I show up half the time to either try to get some loot or cause I’m bored,” Wario said and nodded solemnly. He paused after saying that, thinking something through before grinning lecherously.

“That and to try and score with Mario’s ‘girlfriend’,” Wario did finger quotes when he said girlfriend, insinuating there were flaws in Peach’s and Mario’s relationship. Which of course they’re were. “I’ve been trying to nail that blonde hottie since I first laid eye on her. The red dolt doesn’t know what he has. If I was him, I’d ask to see what was under that skirt, rather then ask for cake.”

“Oh Yeah, I’ve had my eye on Peach before I even thought about taking over the Mushroom Kingdom. She is one grade A babe if there ever was one. Makes the koopa girls back home look like second-rate trash. Other then avoiding my kids and boredom, she’s the reason I keep coming back,” Bowser sighed and smiled pensively, imagining the day he could get his hands on the lovely blond princess. Sure, he was an evil dictator who looked like the illegitimate son of Godzilla, but his only competition was Mario. His odds were pretty good.

“Peach is one fine piece of ass, especially now that she’s rounder all over. So much to touch, whoever gets their hands on her first is one lucky hedg…man,” Tails quickly amended. Bowser and Wario both nodded, hoping that they’d get the first crack at the sexy pink princess. Tails knew that his best friend had already taken the honor, but he decided not to mention it to either villain. Let them have their fantasies.

“You’re alright kid,” Bowser laughed and slapped Tails on the back, nearly sending him flying forwards. “Come on, I’d like to introduce you to an old comrade of mine from back when I first started trying to overtake the Mushroom Kingdom. I think you’ll like Birdo.”

Following behind the giant koopa, Tails grinned, knowing that he had bonded with the two villains. He had started talking to them when the Mario Bros. had run off to find a lost ball, not thinking he could have a real conversation with the villains. Turns out that they weren’t so bad and Tails really liked talking to them. They were so much more interesting then those dimwitted plumbers. Tails had no idea what was taking Mario and Luigi so long to find their ball, but he hoped they didn’t come back soon. Both of them would only ruin the fun he was having with his newfound friends Bowser and Wario.





Deep in the golf course, Mario and Luigi were looking for their golf balls, completely unaware that their golfing partners had ditched them. The simple-minded pair scurried around on the ground, scratching their heads as they couldn’t find any sign of where their balls could be. If someone had told Tails and his new friends that the Mario Bros. had lost their balls, a very funny come back would have been issued. However, they were long gone, leaving the brothers alone, or so they thought.

“Did you, like, lose something?”

The brothers looked up, at first bewildered to find someone had snuck up on them and then horrified as they saw the lumbering figure standing in front of them. Taken off guard, one swipe of the enemy’s claw sent both brothers reeling back. Landing with a sickening thud against a tree behind them. They slid to the ground lifelessly, as their attacker waddled their way towards them.

“That was so, like easy. I so totally don’t get why daddy’s never been able to beat you. Oh well, two down, and like a lot more to tasty treats go.” The large figure advanced on the fallen brothers. Her massive frame jiggling as she moved. Grinning, she grabbed her victims and lifted them up. If the rest were this easy, all of the brawlers would soon find themselves inside a belly becoming delicious, swaying fat