“Play toy!” Ranma screamed, this was so bad on so many levels. Shampoo could be relentless when she got something into her head. If she thought that he was a toy, then she’d really start to treat him like property. He looked into her big adoring eyes and groaned; she was studying him all over like a new doll. He needed her to think of his needs and that would be impossible if all she saw was a toy instead of a husband.

“I’m not a play toy Shampoo,” Ranma screamed at her and she tilted her head to the side cutely. “I’m your husband remember?” If his options came down to being a toy or husband for the bouncy Chinese Amazon, then put him in a tux and call him the groom. He could pretend to be the doting husband, at least until he was back to normal. Then he could run away and hide away from his bouncy wife.

“Toy can’t be husband. Husband have to perform husband acts and you be too small,” Shampoo pointed out, making her argument sound so logical and sane. Of coarse with her, logic and sanity usually took a vacation.

“I can perform any husband acts that you need!” Ranma boosted, not letting his brain be used before speaking. His brain kicked into gear a second after he finished talking and he slapped both of his hands over his mouth in shock. He began to sweat and hopped that Shampoo hadn’t understood what he’s said. However, the curious and interested look she was giving him showed that she had understood him. Shampoo looked at him carefully, doubtful that he was sincere.

“But how can you perform when your…” Shampoo stopped to pull out her translation book again, flipping through the pages; she found the word she was looking for. “…Johnson is so small?”

“Who the hell is Johnson?” Ranma muttered to himself, scratching the back of his head as he tried to figure out what Shampoo was going on about. As he scratched his head with one hand, the other hand rubbed his chin as he tried to translate Shampoo’s choice of word. It should be noted now, that Ranma was one of the world’s best marital artists, not thinkers. If he was, then it wouldn’t of taken him five minutes to notice that a certain part of his body was hanging free.

“Aaaaahhhh!” He screamed when he final figured out that he was no longer holding his crotch. His hand covered his dangly bit and at the same time he realized who or to be exact, what was his Johnson.

“See, I right, it smaller then a toothpick.” There are a lot f things you aren’t supposed to say to a guy. You don’t tell them to ask for directions, you don’t let them try to repair broken machinery around the house and you certainly never tell them that any part of them is small. Especially, not the part that Shampoo was talking about.

“Hey! It’s very big in contrast to the rest of my body. You won’t find a better hung shrunken guy in Japan.” The gall of her to say those things about little Ranma, When Akane had first seen it she had practically fainted. Now that he thought about it, after all those times that Shampoo busted in on him while he was bathing she had to have gotten a peak of his pride and joy.

“What ‘hung’ mean?” Ranma screamed in frustration and collapsed to his knees on Shampoo’s hand. Of all his rivals and fiancés, why did it have to be the one that treated him like property the most?

“Toy Ranma be quiet, Shampoo tells it something.” Ranma fell quiet under Shampoo’s commanding tone. It didn’t go unnoticed that she had referred to him as ‘it’. That could mean two things, her Japanese was getting worse, or she was beginning to think of him less and less as a person. If it was the latter, it was going to be an up road battle to get her to listen to him.