It was now 11:30 AM and the height of another routine workday. On Kasin Street, people could hear the loud rumble of the giant Darla, whom by now was three blocks from their location. People in their cars made a hasty exit upon listening to radio reports of her presence. They weren’t about to wait around to see just what kind of a temperament a 150 foot woman had. Hoards of people lined the streets in what was quickly becoming a single large mass of humanity. Horns began to blare; police car sirens and bullhorns signaled the impending danger.

Darla watched from two blocks away on Miskin Street, standing with her feet planted firmly among abandoned vehicles, miscellaneous debris and other traces of a speedy exit by unsuspecting citizens. The mass of people far below her pretty brown eyes appeared to her a pallet of colors, morphing into various patterns as people dashed in random paths away from her.

Darla stood there and, as anyone who bothered to gawk might notice; she was a sight of perfection; shiny and bright painted toes, silky long and tanned legs, deep belly button, muscular abs, cute breasts. Straining one’s neck up 150 feet, one would admire a most beautiful olive-tone face, button nose, chiseled cheek bones and pouty glossed up lips any Hollywood star might be envious of. Darla shook her head to tussle her hair as long strands composed themselves in a sexy pose upon the woman’s crown. Aaahh, the aroma was yet another dimension, unseen but a universe of sensuality, pleasure and femininity that cast aside all notions of smell within three miles. Liz Claiborne perfumes were Darla’s favorite and a light splash here or there combined with Darla’s natural scents were beyond heavenly. The intensely satisfying odor spread like wildfire through the city, seemingly snaking its way among streets, into buildings and into subway stations. By now, people were familiar with Darla’s calling card. If the smell intensifies…run!

Police and new copters began to circle the woman as she continued to stand in street in a pose familiar to most fashions models; hand on hips, slight bend in one knee and a smile on her face. Darla was mesmerized by the scene of so many running from her; she hadn’t given anyone a reason to fear her, well except for that bridge back there. In fact, Darla knelt down to start cleaning debris and right-siding cars on the street below at her feet. Carefully with her long fingers, Darla scooped up abandoned handbags, briefcases, laptop computers, coats, as well as trash. Holding a large pile of articles in her open hand, Darla rose to her feet and placed the items on the roof of a ten story building. Kneeling again, Darla began gingerly placing cars back on their wheels, closing car doors that remained open and placing them in a single file on the road readying them for their owners. Cutely patting the roof on one of the cars with her fingers, Darla slowly rose to her full height.

Pilots in the helicopters recognized the gentle gesture of the woman and approached her face. PLEASE, COME CLOSER, Darla requested softly and warmly. I WON’T HURT ANYBODY. Three choppers hovered in more closely as Darla winked. Making eye contact with all the passengers as she scanned the scene, Darla felt comfortable enough addressing people in what might otherwise be a difficult environment to engage in conversation.

While the eerie sounds of screams, stampeding pedestrians and the circling of police choppers did not send an outright message of trust to the 150’ woman, Darla was comfortable nonetheless. LOOK, I KNOW THIS MUST BE THE CRAZIEST THING ANYBODY HAS EVER SEEN. I’D BE TOTALLY FREAKED IF I SAW SOME GIANT WOMAN COMING MY WAY. THAT’S WHY I’M TRYING TO BE CAREFUL NOT TO DESTROY ANYTHING. I TOTALLY SPACED BACK THERE WHEN I TRIPPED OVER THAT BRIDGE. I SHOULD HAVE PAID MORE ATTENTION WHEN I STEPPED OVER IT. MY BIG TOE JUST GOT CAUGHT ON THE GUARDRAIL AND WELL, MY FOOT CAME DOWN ON THE CARS AND ON THE ROAD. I KNOW I CAUSED A LOT OF DAMAGE BACK THERE, BUT I’M REALLY SORRY. Worse than she imagined, the four lane concrete bridge that spanned 20 feet above Frish Street was crammed with cars in all lanes. Darla’s foot landed firmly in the middle of the bridge, smashing it into two sections as it caved in on the roadway below. Ten cars were crushed beyond recognition. Firefighters are at the scene with the “jaws of life” prying people from the wreck. Traffic backed for ten miles.

“This is the police,” a voiced beamed from a chopper floating near the beauty’s ear. “Please tell us how you got this way and what we can do to help you.” WELL, Darla started with wry laugh as she shyly placed her back behind one ear. YOU SEE, I’VE GOT THIS BOYFRIEND…Darla was startled and interrupted by a blood-curdling scream and the crash of yet another car. CAN I BE HONEST?, THIS WHOLE MESS IS A LITTLE AWKWARD. I MEAN, HERE I AM IN THIS NEW BIKINI AND I’M STANDING AMONG THOUSANDS OF TINY PEOPLE, PUNY CARS AND CIRCLING HELICOPTERS. CAN I GO SOMEPLACE A GIRL CAN STRETCH HER LEGS? PERHAPS GET A LITTLE MORE COMFORTABLE? I HAVE AN IDEA. CAN SOMEONE MAKE ME A GIANT POOL RAFT. THEN I CAN MAKE MY WAY TO THE PORT RIVER, FLOAT, RELAX AND MAYBE GRAB A BITE TO EAT. THEN I CAN TELL THE WHOLE WORLD MY STORY. I LOVE TO LOUNGE ON MY RAFTS AT HOME, SO THAT WOULD JUST PUT ME IN THE BEST MOOD.

“Yes, Ms. Patters, your wish is easy enough to fulfill. We will call in a police escort for you and have a local pool company get you that raft.” THANK YOU. AND..UH..YOU CAN CALL ME DARLA.