While slightly expensive, it turns out that covering something in gold isn’t that hard to do. Just melt on the metal and let it dry. It turns out that Katrina had a friend who would do it for them for free. And so, the next day, your new scatty body was bronzed and became a permanent addition to the “Ashby Bowl.” For the remainder of the school year you stay in the girls’ apartment, resting upon the coffee table. Eventually, when Ashby graduates college and moves out, you’ll go on the mantle above the fireplace in her new house. Having a “trophy dump” on her mantle is a little intimidating to the occasional new boyfriend, but boyfriends don’t last very long for her anyways.

You no longer feel, really, but you somehow see and hear all of what goes on around you. As you might imagine, a lot of what goes on around you for the first several weeks is Ashby showing you off to anyone who passes by. She picks you up, kisses you, hoists you over her head, etc. Some find it a hilarious triumph and an epic humiliation that she has pulled off. Some pity you, stuck forever as your friend’s waste for one stupid bet. No one really stops to ask you what you think about it, but as time goes on, you grow less humiliated at hearing her explanations or listening to her recount the story or show the video on the TV. At some point you get past the humiliation and realize the perks.

Your new life is one without worry and without stress. You get to spend the rest of your life with one of your beautiful best friends, making her smile every time that she sees you. Sometimes she even hugs her trophy up to that big pillowy chest of hers and remembers the best night of her life. You can’t tell her, but deep down you and she both know it was the best night of your life too. You’re much better off as a bronzed pile of Ashby crap.