“Do you remember our first date?” She asked with a slight hint of romance in her voice, an unusual emotion for someone whose two default emotions seem to be hunger (before meals) and bliss (after meals.) Part of the problem with your relationship had been a perceived lack of romance.

“Of course.” You say. “You invited me over here on my birthday. You made me that delicious chocolate cake.” She chuckles a little bit.

“You know how I used to date Michael before I dated you?” she asked. It’s a strange question since you haven’t heard his name mentioned for years.

“I do. Whatever happened to him?” You ask.

“Well, you know how I said that chocolate cake was my special ‘secret’ recipe?” Emily grins. It takes you only a few seconds to catch her meaning… that Michael’s remains had been the secret ingredient in the cake. Wouldn’t you have noticed that? Granted, you were distracted by other things on that first date…

“Wh…why are you bringing this up now?” You ask. It seems like this is the kind of thing she would have either told you about right away or kept a secret forever.

“I tell all of my exes about it eventually.” Emily says moving closer to you on the couch. “See, before Michael there was Jesse. And on my first date with Michael we had a homemade chocolate pudding. It’s what I do on my first dates with new boyfriends… serve them my old boyfriend’s remains in a delicious homemade meal.”

“Then why did you never do this to me?” You ask, trying to keep up with the conversation but still a little sickened by the thought that you had consumed her waste in that cake, even though it was years ago now.

“I have dated anyone since you, silly.” She says, looking directly at you and raising her eyebrows.

“No other guy can live up to me, huh?” You boast.

“Funny you should mention that.” She says, putting her arm around your shoulder and the other on your arm. “Turns out that I have a date tomorrow…”

Uh-oh. Here it comes…