Emily sure does manage to look stunning in her sundress… with most of the attention going not to her kind of stubby short frame, but rather to her gorgeous bosom. It will, of course, be the first thing that her date, Mike, notices when he shows up.
He will be so distracted by her funbags, in fact, that he won’t notice the smell coming from the food. He won’t notice the strange taste in his iced tea or the bitterness in the chocolate scones. Emily will, though. She notices every flavor in your icy, diarrheic remains and savors each sip from her tall glass, chicly garnished with a lemon wedge. She smacks her lip after each delicious taste, analyzing you as though you were a fine wine. “Emily’s Waste Vineyards.” She thinks to herself. “Vintage 2009.” She chuckles at the thought, drawing Mike’s attention.

“More tea, sweetheart?” she says, raising the pitcher. He declines politely. “More for me then.” She smiles, pouring another glass. It would be just about the perfect date.

Of course, things don’t really last with Mike. He’ll eventually become a plate of brownies shared with Nathan. And when Nathan doesn’t turn out to be the one, he supplies the hot cocoa for a winter evening by the fireside with Brad. Brad, in turn, would be delicious in the chocolate chip muffins for a breakfast date with Neil. Neil was tough to work with, but Emily ultimately put together a pretty good stew with him for her date with Andrew. Then Andrew…