“I’m going to make you a big fat TURD!” She says, much to your delight and the delight of her classmates, “But I wanted to do it in front of all of my friends…”

You immediately have a solution. “Then we’ll have a party this weekend!” You say. “That way all of your friends and family can see you eat me. And all of my friends and family can come too. We’ll have an all day party, so you can eat me in the morning and I’ll be comin’ out your butt by dinner time.” Lauren titters as you point at her rump.

“How many people can I invite?” Lauren asks. At this point she’s ecstatic and can hardly believe what you’re telling her. You can hardly believe it either.

“Invite everybody!” You say, giving her shoulder a playful shake, “I only get to become a dump once! I’ll call your mother tonight and we’ll work out all of the details.