Even if they’re concerned and confused, your friends, family and classmates are all intrigued. At least intrigued enough that they all show up to the party. So do Lauren’s classmates and most of their parents and siblings. It seems like everyone is interested in seeing this full-grown man willingly give himself to a child.

At the very least, no one has trouble finding the party. All along the roads leading to the park are signs with directions like “Turn here for turds!”, “Poopapalooza, next left!” and “Lauren’s Doo Doo Party straight ahead!” The blunt signage alone draws some passers by, which is exactly what it was intended to do. The more the merrier. When guests finally arrive at the party, they are greeted by a large sign declaring “Welcome to Turd Town! Population: Troy!”

You show up to the party in a t-shirt that you had custom made for the occasion. It’s a two-tone girly pink shirt (Lauren’s choice) with lettering that reads “Lauren’s Next Monster TURD!” Once you arrive you only get more questions from both your friends and family as well as some of the parents of the other children there. By far, though, the question you get asked the most, though, is little girls asking you if you have any friends who want to become their turds. You introduce them to some of your college friends, but none of your friends seem to be as eager as you are. Their loss: this is the happiest day of your life. For once you don’t need to worry about the stress of what happens tomorrow.

Like you planned, you start the party early in the morning. Lauren will eat you in the morning and digest you over the course of the day, before finally the long awaited defecation in the evening. You also create games for the diversion of the party guests.

There are, of course, basketball hoops set up for anyone else who wants to play the now-famous game of TURD. You do see some fathers playing with their daughters and their friends. You wander over from time to time and quietly root for the little girls.

Another popular attraction that you set up was the “Guess the Weight” competition, where you have put together a nice prize for whoever comes closest to guessing what your post digestion weight is going to be. There’s also a palette of brown paint samples for guests to guess which color you’ll most resemble. “Coffee Bean” is the most popular answer so far, but “Chocolate Truffle” is gaining popularity. Personally, you like “Muddy River.”

Most popular with the children, though, is the piñata that you had custom made for the day. The piñata is a paper maché model of Lauren, tugging down her pants and revealing a little bit of her butt. The children whack at her behind until it breaks open, spilling out oodles of tiny chocolate “Troys” designed to look just like you.

Eventually, amid all the games and merriment, it is time for your adventure into turddom to begin.