For your final resting site, a large, circular hole has been dug in the park ground. With the moment of truth finally here, Lauren, the whole town looking on, drops her sweatpants to her ankles and squats carefully over the edge of the hole.

Anyone who guess “rich soil” for the color of brown you would most resemble was bound to be very happy as Lauren’s cheeks spread and the first bit of your remains were revealed to the world. Thick and wide, your foul remnants were squeezed out of her tiny anus. The first smooth, brown log sagged down into the hole, and the crowd shouted praises. At last they were laying their eyes on what the whole day was built around; Troy the Turd.

The waste kept on coming, though, and Lauren, not seeming at all to be disturbed by the attention or troubled by the stress of expelling you from her bowels, keeps on dumping and fills the hole with your poopy corpse. She finishes and bows, accepting the crowd’s wild applause. In accordance with your wishes, your family now presents her with the important papers of your life: your birth certificate, your high school and college diplomas, baby photos of you; and Lauren uses all of these to wipe your filthy remains from her butthole, crumpling each and tearing holes right through several of them.

The crowd, wonderfully satisfied with how thoroughly you have been humiliated and how delighted Lauren is, finally calls it a day. There is, however, one final lasting tribute to your fate…