Your mother always told you never to go around opening strange doors. Actually, she never said any such thing. But as you stand there, staring at the funky shimmering portal in front of you, you have to admit it’s some damn good advice.

Some more damn good advice? Don’t walk *through* the funky shimmering portal if you don’t have the slightest idea where it goes. Which you don’t. Smart move would be to walk away. Unfortunately, no one ever accused you of being smart.

The trip through isn’t pleasant. It’s like getting punched in the gut and kicked in the head at the same time. It makes your teeth hurt, for crying out loud, and leaves your ears ringing. Swirly lights and strange colors float past your eyes and suddenly you’re dizzy. Your stomach churns – worse than that time you tried to eat an entire bacon, sausage and ham pizza all by yourself. (Incidentally, that was the day you swore off pork products forever.)

When the improvised rave show clears, you’re in a grungy alleyway. You’ve seen your share of filthy back alleys, but this one doesn’t look familiar. You glance up, hoping to get your bearings by catching a glimpse of the city skyline. There’s tons of tall buildings in your line of sight, but none of them look familiar, either. Well, that’s just great. Told you stepping through that portal was a bad idea.

And just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse… oh, look… there’s a guy with a knife.