Roxie’s face twisted into a look of pure disgust at the question about her having a boyfriend. She glared daggers at Scott and in a voice colder then the most frigid Toronto night spoke to Scott. “Why in the ninja Hell would I have a boyfriend?”

Scott winced as Roxie bared her teeth at him and tried to hide behind Knives. If Roxie wanted to kill him he could handle himself, but her anger was something he wasn’t prepared to deal with. Kim and Ramona just rolled their eyes at their boyfriend’s dumb question. Asking Roxie if she had found a boyfriend was like asking a vegetarian if they’ve eaten veal. They knew that not all women were as ‘flexible’ as them and Roxie was the perfect example of a stereotypical man-hating lesbian.

Trying to kill the tension before Roxie decided to kill Scott, Ramona leaned in and blew softly into Roxie’s ear. As soon as her warm breath touched the side of Roxie’s head, the girl’s angry expression melted away. Roxie had a lot of sensitive spots and Ramona knew everyone of them. A lopsided grin formed on the half ninja girl’s face and Roxie leaned back in her chair completely at ease. Everything seemed to have settled down, until Scott tried to leave. He didn’t want to deal with Roxie anymore, but as soon as he made a sound her head snapped towards his direction and she tensed up again. Roxie was like an animal on the prowl, looking for a stupid male to pounce on and tear apart.

“You know what I’ll never understand? How a pussy like you got two gorgeous babes and that one.” The one she was talking about fell into a depression again and lowered her head in shame. Knives went unnoticed by everyone as Roxie continued to tear into Scott Pilgrim. “You’re just a wimpy guy that lets everyone push you around. Maybe you’re not the same spineless pansy that I fought last year, but your still a pushover. I bet you never make any of the big decisions in the relationship. You just sit back and let my sweet, confident Ramona tell you what to do.”

Scott didn’t know what to say about that because technically it was mostly true. Ramona was the one that decided the big things for him, like forming a harem with Knives and Kim. Taking the lack of answer as all the confirmation she needed, Roxie chuckled and shook her head. “That’s what I thought. I’ll never understand why you girl’s stay with a man. What can he do that could possible make you happy.”

“Well….” Knives began to say, a big perverted grin on her face. Scott slapped his hand over the horny Asians mouth, not wanting that shared with the angry lesbian.

“I mean, why would anyone want a man. They are lazy, weak and have multiple tentacles that they can use to rape school girls.”

“Hey, I’m not that…wait…what?”

“Don’t act so innocent, I know that men have hundreds of tiny, poison spewing tentacles inside their vaginas that they use to tie girls up as they force eggs into them. I’m not stupid,” Roxie grunted and stood up. Everyone was now staring at her with their mouths gapping open and a gob smacked expression on their faces. Roxie noticed none of this and looked lovingly down at Ramona. “It was great seeing you Ramona. If you ever get tired of tentacles, I’ll be there for you.”

No one moved or said anything, not even when Roxie leaned in and gave Ramona a kiss on the cheek. In a puff of smoke, Roxie was gone, but it took several more minutes for anyone to react.

“Jeez, what bad hentai did she learn about men from?” Kim sarcastically asked.

“I won’t let this stand!” Ramona exclaimed and slammed her fist onto the table. “I thought that Roxie just didn’t like men, I didn’t know she had no idea what a man even was. I have to help her!”

Scott wanted to ask why, but the determined look on Ramona’s face made him keep quiet. As she started talking, Scott listened half-heartedly. Roxie had been right about Ramona being the one wearing the pants in the relationship. She decided everything and he went along with it. He had nothing to complain about, he ended up having three girlfriends and lots of hot sex every night because he listened to her. As Ramona kept speaking, the end result was already known to Scott. He was going to end up with another girlfriend, he just knew it.