"YOU WHAT!?"

"I-I-I..."

"SILENCE, SIRRAH! YOU DID WHAAAT!? HOW DARE YOU! TAKING ADVANTAGE OF A GIRL'S INNOCENCE LIKE THAT!"

"Hey is someone talkin' about me? 'Cause I didn't do..."

"GET OUT JAVELIN!"

"Right! Gettin' out, gettin' out..."

"DARIUS CHANDLER REGIS YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO YOUR FAMILY AND A DISGRACE TO YOUR THRONE! YOU DARE PUT THE DUKE AND DUCHESS AND YOUR FAMILY IN SUCH A POSITION!"

"But I!..."

"YOUR MOTHER AND I ARE SPEECHLESS AT YOUR FLAGRANT DISREGARD FOR..."

"You don't seem so spe---*CRACK!!!*---YEOUCH!!!...t-to m-me!!"

"HOLD YOUR TONGUE THIS INSTANT!"

Darius's eyes watered and his buttocks throbbed from the stinging smack that his father administered to his backside!

"Darius how COULD YOU!" Susan gasped, "I expected this from...from...WELL I DON'T KNOW WHO! BUT NOT YOU! WHAT WILL YOUR BROTHERS THINK!?"

"Who cares!? The way you two are shouting, they'll find out anyway!"

"YOU APOLOGISE TO YOUR MOTHER AT ONCE! I'LL HAVE NO BACK-CHAT FROM YOU, MY BOY!!"

"Papa we were just...I didn't DO..."

"It doesn't MATTER what was DONE or what was NOT DONE! YOU, BOY, belong to the HIGHEST family in the land! You DARE bring a WHIFF of scandal upon your household like this! The gossip that generates could damage the ENTIRE monarchy, boy!"

"Y-yessir! Bu-bu-but we didn't...y-y-y-y'know...do..."

"THE DUKE IS FURIOUS! THE DUCHESS IS IN TEARS! YOU HAVE RAVAGED THEIR DAUGHTER LIKE A WHORE!"

"Hey steady on!" Darius gasped, "I didn't! All we did was...was...ha-haaaave a-a-abbbit o---o-ooff-fffun!"

"FUN!?"

Darius clasped his chubby hands to his ears! He'd NEVER heard his father yell like this!

"YOU ARE DAMN LUCKY YOU DIDN'T INSEMINATE HER!"

"D-d-didn't w-what!? I...NO!! No I didn't! We...we didn't...we never...we...Papa nothing happened!"

"The duchess caught the both of you in bed together, sans clothing, my lad! That hardly sounds like NOTHING!"

"I fell over! She was rubbing my..."

"I KNOW DAMN WELL WHAT SHE WAS RUBBING! THE EVIDENCE WAS ALL OVER HER HANDS!"

"You mean the massage-oil, right?"

"YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, BOY!"

"Bu-but..."

"YOU ARE A DISGRACE! I have spoken to the Duke and Duchess of Tofton and we are in agreement that to make this...proper...you will accept the Lady Elizabeth's hand".

"I'll WHAT!?"

"You WILL marry her and you WILL make her a respectable woman!"

"W-...she's only...We're the...but..."

"NOT EVEN VULCAN OR TITAN WERE EVER IN SUCH A COMPROMISING POSITION AS THIS!"

"Not that you know of..." Darius mouthed under his breath.

"WHAT!?"

"N-n-nothing!"

"By the end of the month, you and the Lady Elizabeth WILL be married. YOU will be her husband and you WILL ensure her good reputation and protection! And she WILL be your wife and princess and you WILL treat her as such! If I hear of you even DARING to lay a hand on her without the lady's consent I'll have you on your knees in front of me for rape so fast it'll make your head spin! YOU UNDERSTAND BOY!?"

"Y-y-y-yessir!"

"NOW GET OUT! BACK TO YOUR ROOM AT ONCE!"

"B-bu-bu-bu..."