"COME ON! COME ON! UP! UP! UP! UP! UP! GET YOUR FAT LAZY BUTTS OUT OF THOSE BEDS AND GET MOVING!"

Javelin walked along the corridors of the servants' dormitories, blowing a whistle and clanging a bell back and forth in a free hand, slamming his other fist against bedroom doors as he headed up and down!

"YOU GOT MEALS TO COOK! THINGS TO WASH! PEOPLE TO SERVE! ASS TO KISS! GET MOVING! NO LAYIN' AROUND!"

"SOME OF US ARE ON OUR DAYS OFF!" a boy shouted out of one of the bedrooms, and slammed the door shut. Laughter rippled down the corridor.



"Alright, alright! Careful!"

"Muuaaah! You have a good morning, my honey-dumpling!"

"Yes, yes, yes! I just straightened it out!"

"There! My darling!"

Xavier sighed as Tessie kissed him on the cheek again.

"Alright! Tessie DO restrain yourself or I shall be late!" he said. The head chef tugged on his white chef's toque and tucked his pockewatch into the apron of his white chef's uniform that hugged his large, round belly, his self-induced badge of office.

"Xavier!" said Tessie. She bent over and kissed him.

"Love you!"

"I'll see you at lunch, darling", said Xavier. He hugged her and waddled out of their private suite of rooms in the servants' quarters. As husand-and-wife team of chef and bake-mistress, they got to share their own rooms. Of course, their two sons would be down there as well, if they were not already serving a grand prince above stairs.

Xavier waddled into the kitchens. The candles and lamps were lit and a few dozy-eyed boys were shuffling around carrying links and faggots.

"Are all those range-fires, roasting-fires and ovens lit up, boys!?" Xavier asked as he entered.

"Yes sir!" said the palace fire-boys.

"Right! Away with you and light the fires upstairs! And mind how you do it! I don't want anyone woken up before they should be! Remember, the library, the king's study, King Daniel's private sitting-room, all the bedrooms, the guestrooms, the queen's private parlour, the East Drawing Room, the North Dining Room, the records office...and for the king's sake, make sure that when you light the fire in THERE, you're using leftover NEWSPAPERS! Last time you burnt up half the employment records in the entire palace! Well don't stand there like a bunch of sausages on a meathook! GET MOVING!"

The boys rushed upstairs, carrying their flaming torches and baskets of kindling. The kitchen doors swung open as the palace kitchen boys came in for the morning rush!

"Alright! Everyone at their stations! We need eggs, bacon, toast, sausages, fried tomatoes, hash-browns, coffee, tea, and orange-juice! You boys there, get out the stuff you'll need for the kedgeree! Fill up the wash-basins with water and soap so you can clean everything up when it comes back downstairs again! Make sure those serving-trolleys are cleaned and those trays are polished! Nicholas! Stop making faces at the soup-ladle and start frying eggs! Come along boys! The faster they eat, the faster we eat! Chop-chop! Get moving!"

A clock hanging above Xavier's personal cooking-station struck the hour.

Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!

"Oh crumbs! It's seven already! Will you hurry up!? Yes girls, what is it!?"

"We need the hot water, Xavier!" said the laundry girls, "For the clothes!"

"Isn't the boiler in the laundry lit?"

"Not yet sir!"

"Oh blast! Alright! But be quick about it! You, what are you doing? You don't all need to be here!"

"We have to take the hot water upstairs for the men's morning shaves, sir!"

"Well get a move on, then! You don't need my permission for that!...No Jonny! Not that much oil! You're frying an egg sunny-side up! Not deep-frying it in batter! NO! Don't waste it! Give it to Charlie! That's right! Edward don't poke those sausages so much! They'll fall apart otherwise! Those have been in there long enough! Take them out! Carefully now! Easy! Very good! Now leave them there and then put them on the platter when they're cool! You, boy! Stop gawping and keep slicing those oranges!"



"Huuurrrhmmmmm...hmmm..."

Darius snored and rolled over in bed. His bedroom door swung silently open as two servant-boys tiptoed in carrying paper and wood for the fireplace. They knelt down and started laying and lighting a fire.

Ding-ding ding-ding...ding-ding ding-ding...

The exquisite gold mantle-clock above the fireplace struck the half-hour.

A door opened and Bretton and Xavian shuffled out, sleepy and ruffled.

"Are you nearly done with that fire?" Bretton whispered to one of the fire-boys.

"Yes! But I can't get the guestroom door open! Lady Elizabeth's sleeping in there and she'll need a fire..."

"That door's locked", Bretton said. "It's to stop the Prince from going in. King's orders unfortunately..."

The two fireboys stared at the two prince's servants and their eyes met.

"You don't mean..."
"...there was...improper doings going on last night?"
"Whiiiisht! Don't say that!"
"Well was there?"
"Well...um..."
"There WAS, wasn't there!? Come on Bretton! You can tell us!"
"N-no! There wasn't!"
"You're lying! I know you are!"
"Oh get out! Before the prince wakes up! You've done your job! Now scoot!"

The two fireboys stared at the bed. Darius's colossal princely form was still lying there, snoring and grunting like some sort of fat, royal whale.

"Get out!" Xavian hissed and shoved the boys out of the room and slammed the doors shut after them!

"Quiet!" Bretton hissed. "You'll wake him up!"

*Knock-knock-knock!!*

Bretton opened the doors. Servant-girls entered carrying buckets of water.

"For the prince's morning bath", they whispered. Bretton waved them to the prince's bathroom. Again, a few girls tried to enter the locked guestroom.

"Here!" said one of the servant-girls, shaking the handles, "These doors are locked! Why's that?"

"Keep your voices down!" Bretton hissed. "They were locked by the king's orders so as to keep Darius and Lady Elizabeth apart!"

"Why? What happened!?" another servant-girl whispered.

"Nothing happened, Marigold!"

"Ooooh, I think it did! Oh yes...those doors are never locked! Even when the prince DOES have a lady-visitor. Oooh it must've been somethin' awful..."

"It wasn't!"

"Oh I think it is! What do you say, Daisy?"

"The prince appears to be sleepin' very soundly. Must've been up to a LOT last night...eh Bretton? Wink-wink, nudge-nudge, and all that, huh?"

"Oh just...leave the water here and GO!"

The servant-girls finished filling the prince's bathtub and then left the room. Bretton watched them head down the corridor, where they stopped in front of two more bedroom doors and knocked. The doors opened. Huge shadows were cast over the girls and Bretton could hear stifled squeals and giggles.

Apparently, Their Royal Hunkinesses, Princes Titan and Vulcan, had been awakened.

In more ways than one.

Bretton sighed, closed the doors and went to wake up the prince, pulling back the sheets and curtains and letting the sunlight in...



Within a few minutes, the servants' quarters were abuzz with rumors.

"Did you hear about Prince Darius and the good Lady Elizabeth?"
"That sweet girl with the blond hair?"
"Yeah, that's the one! Apparently, her and the Prince got up to mischief last night!"
"No they didn't!...Who told you?"
"Didn't have to be told! Was all over Bretton and Xavian's faces like the words in a book! Read it right off them! And even then, the lady's door was locked then, wasn't it? Now why would that be, eh?"

"You really think so?"
"Oh yeah!"
"They're in for it now! I wonder if King Daniel knows!....No he can't know yet..."
"Why not?"
"We'd have heard all his screaming from down here!"
"Hahahahaha!"
"Stop it! This is serious!"
"He's right. It is serious. Serious gossip! Oh I have to go and tell the bakery-girls. They'll get a kick out of this..."
"No! Don't...Oh damn!"

Xavian entered the kitchens to fetch the breakfast trolleys for the Crown Prince. Other servant-boys came to help him, as well as to wheel the breakfast-trolleys for the Lady Elizabeth.

"They're eating in the prince's private dining-room in his apartment", Xavian said.

"Oooh! THEY are! Oh my they must be gettin' cosy..."
"Is it true then, Xavvy? Eh? You can tell us!"
"I don't know WHAT you're talking about!"
"Look at all that food! The prince must be fixin' to try and impress her! I heard she likes a boy with a good appetite!"
"I'm thinking that's not the ONLY thing the prince is good at..."
"Oh stop it!" Xavian said.