It was an electric blue spoon/fork - a spork.

Strange because of it's color and also strange for the way it started melting a hole in his kitchen floor.

Bob started thinking, "Sporks aren't meant to burn through linoleum. How am I going to eat my cereal with that?"

Suddenly the power went out (not that sudden, the electric company knew about it for at least a week) and all Bob could see was brilliant green light.

A rare thing happened. Bob started thinking again. "I thought it was blue, now it's green and getting a bit yellowy/orangey/red".

It occurred to Bob that his kitchen floor had caught fire and in Crazytown fires weren't very friendly.

"Oi' what you lookin at?" said the surly fire. "You wanna go, pal"

Bob didn't listen to the fire; it reminded him of his grandmother (the spiteful, geriatric battleaxe). Bob couldn't handle the heat; he had to get out of the kitchen. Right now he wished his kitchen had some doors, windows or anything to escape. He wished he hadn't been so cheap in life as to have a kitchen with no doors or windows. He wished the drunken linofire would just go away.

That's when the Jiffinie appeared.

"I am Gurber the Jiffinie. You have made three wishes at once and summoned me. I can grant them for a small price."

"What do you want?" Bob asked the semi-transparent Frogbat weird thingy.

"You want a piece of me?" the fire roared.

"I want that blue thing that's shining from your basement."

Bob couldn't see anything anymore anyway.Hhis skin was blistered, his eyes were burnt, and he couldn't breathe.

Plus, the linofire ranting was getting on his nerves.

"Take it, don't want it."

Gurber the Jiffinie spread his wings, started spinning round real fast. The linofire exploded, leaving several large holes in the walls and one in Bob. The kitchen now had a solid gold refrigerator, a chandelier and marble floors.

All this was lost on Bob who was now missing half his chest. He opened his charcoal eyeballs and asked, "Hey Gurber, could you patch me up?"

"Sorry, you only get three wishes, but I will take my reward!" replied Gurber as he sank into the floor.

He came out of the floor in front of Bob and said, "Fool, you had in your hands only two minutes ago the most powerful item of kitchenware ever known."

Bob wasn't impressed. "Pull the other one. I'm dying here."

"But I speak truth! Now I hold the divine cutlery. Feel the glory of the 'Allspork'. Now I have the power to become the mayor of Crazytown. Seeya, Bob," and Gurber disappeared.

"Thanks for all your help..... Not!" Bob wrote 'GET GURBER' in blood on the door of his golden fridge. He knew he had memory worse than a goldfish.

Bob was dying and couldn't remember why. He knew he had memory worse than a goldfish.

He noticed the kitchen had been redecorated - pretty posh.

He collapsed.