Title:
YOUR COMMENTS Choked was what caught my eye, then I read the discription. I was hooked.

First Impression:
YOUR COMMENTS I first thought how sad this peice was, with a death of a student being talked about first off at the meeting. It seemed like the other parents wanted to blame the school for the sad event that took place.

Flow/Showing
YOUR COMMENTS The showing and flow were pretty good, other than the few remarks below.

Suggestions:
YOUR COMMENTS We don’t need no more out of state trips.We don’t need no more out of state trips. (this line is a little hard to read. you might change "no" to "any" or something like that. to make it easier to read.)
Brenda’s voice broke at this and she sucked in a ragged breath. (you could remove "and" and replace it with a comma to make this line run smoother.)
Brenda's eyes locked with Maddie's and a silent communication passed between the two. (agian you could kill the "and" and use a comma for a more smoother line.)
She was going to get to see the Smokey Mountains and the ocean and Disney World and Mickey Mouse,” (the word "and" is used to many times in this line, you might use commas instead of "and" for at least two of them.)

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:{/ c}
YOUR COMMENTS He had known going in that his position was not a popular one, but how could he face Brenda? (you need a comma after "known" and another one after "in" to break up the thought and make it clear.)
Brenda’s voice rang resolute. (seems like your missing the word "with" after rang.)

Things I Like:
YOUR COMMENTS Brenda’s voice rang out -- reverberating throughout the room. (this is my favorite line, so passionate and well written. great job!)
This is a very well written and thoughtout story. One of courage and understanding. The courage comes from the mother of Jenny, when she comes to the meeting to stop them from stopping the trips. For me that took great courage. Understanding came in the form of her understanding in God's great plan, as well as the understand of others to see her way of thinking. I found this tale, heartwarming as well as sad. Your writing took me to a place I never wanted to visit but am very glad I did. You did so well with this story, other than a very few minor issues that proofreading will fix, this is a 5 star story. Once the edits are done, I would gladly come back and change my rating. Please write on! You have a true talent!

GROUP

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