You can't outrun nightmares on a motorcycle - Samantha Crozier knows because she tried. She’s left her home in Ohio to become an itinerate building contractor, “flipping houses” on her way across the country. On a cold rainy day on the coast of California, with unending slate-colored ocean in front of her Yamaha cruiser’s front tire, Sam realizes she’s out of running room.

There’s an accident on the rain-slicked road - a stray dog has been hit. Sam pulls over to help and accosts a man she thinks is the offender, but who turns out to be a local veterinarian , Ian MacEuen. At her request, he directs her to a place to stay the night.

At “Raven’s Rest” she meets the proprietor, Tim who looks as run down as the sorry cabins he rents. Sam awakes from a horrible nightmare the next morning to warm sun and evergreen boughs dancing in the breeze outside the window. She stops at the Farmhouse Café for food, but gets a flavor for the area as well from the owner, Jesse Jurgen. It tempts her to spend the day soaking in beauty and cruising perfect motorcycling roads.

Riding out of a cool shaded hollow, Sam sees it - an old Victorian house in sad disrepair. Intrigued, she pulls over for a closer look. After a tour by a local realtor and in spite of collapsing ceilings, a crater sized hole in the roof and daunting exterior challenges, Sam decides to buy it.

Walking into the café for dinner, Sam is surprised to see the vet and dog savior, Ian MacEuen.

“Hey, you look like someone who could use a dog.” he tells her, and with a “polite push” from Jesse that is more like a force of nature, Sam accompanies him for a visit to the healing invalid. One look at the husky-mix encased in plaster and she’s a goner. Sam adopts him on the spot, calling him Rocky – because that’s the kind of life he’s had.

Her father had been a sad, quiet drunk. Sam taught herself to drive at eleven, deciding they’d be safer with her driving than his. But he’d taught her a craft, and passed down his love of building along with a worn bag of hand tools. When he passed away Sam found herself rudderless; living for herself and her meager needs didn’t seem enough. Night terrors and the past closed in, and Sam packed the motorcycle and hit the road.

While shopping in her favorite store - Home Depot - a skulking eavesdropper introduces himself as Dan Porter, the local high school shop teacher. He’s looking for a contractor to apprentice his students. Dan and Sam exchange visits, and she eventually hires a three-teen crew to help renovate her wreck. One is Beau, a teen from a wealthy family who sports piercings, a sullen attitude, and a huge chip on his shoulder. Sam also stops to introduce herself to her down-the-hill neighbor - a gruff, reclusive old German woman who reminds Sam of animal in a trap bearing its teeth at someone wanting to help.

Ian stops by to see the project, to drop off vaccination papers for the puppy, and to invite her to dinner. As they get acquainted, she makes it clear she’s only interested in friendship. Sam sees herself as a bit of a freak - how nice it would be to feel a part of something larger than herself? But old scars won’t allow her to get caught up in a romantic relationship, on a physical or emotional level.

Ian is swamped with work; he knows he needs to: A) Hire another vet to share the load and B) Get a life. And that includes dating. He’s looking for a relationship like his parents’ – strong and abiding - and he’s attracted to Sam’s independence and strength.

Sam pushes her courage to the sticking place and calls Ian to repay his invitation. After dinner, they decide to see a foreign film, A Fawn in Winter playing at the 60’s era theater downtown. Neither is aware of the plot - sexual slavery in modern day Vietnam. Sam reacts violently, racing outside to be sick in a dark weed-choked alley next to the building. Ian follows and recognizes her panic from working with animals in pain. He gets her to the car and drives silently along the coast, patiently waiting for her to explain.

She begins to talk, telling him a story from her childhood. When she was ten, her father’s boss sexually abused her, holding her father’s job over her head. If she didn’t play nice, Mr. Collins would fire him. Her dad had been “laid off” so often that even a kid like Sam knew this job was the end of the line. It took two years, but one day she got mad and realized a way out; she told Mr. Collins that if he touched her again she’d tell - anyone and everyone. If he fired her dad, she’d tell then too. Her price for silence was job security for her dad.

She tells Ian, “You kind of dig a hole in your mind and bury the bones. I found out tonight what I had buried was the emotional part of the memory - how it felt”

Ian refuses to leave her. He takes her home, sacking out on a nylon web lawn chair in the great room. Rocky wakes him in the night, whining to alert him to Sam’s distress - she’s having a nightmare. Ian wakes her. Maybe it was the dream, or the traumatic night she’d survived, but Sam felt something shift inside. She somehow finds herself in his lap, and is shocked to find herself responding to his kiss.

The next morning Sam is awoken by a phone call; Beau has been picked up for a curfew violation. She drives to the police station to collect him, and runs into his mother; a drunken high-class society matron. Beau is mortified - Sam understands much more than he knows.

Jesse calls the next morning to take Sam shopping for a dress to wear to the barbeque Sam wasn’t aware Jesse was throwing. Sam begrudgingly acquiesces when Jesse tells her,

“I know you subscribe to Construction Weekly for business sweetie, but you really shouldn’t use it for fashion tips.”

Wearing a handkerchief skirt, off the shoulder blouse that leaves her midriff bare, and towering stacked platform sandals, Sam arrives at the barbeque feeling like a pratfall waiting to happen. Ian is there, and the mutual attraction crackles when he teaches her the two-step.

When Ian nudges her to consider a relationship, Sam runs. When he catches her Ian asks if she’s afraid of him.

When she shakes her head he tells her, “Then you may want to spend some time thinking about what you are afraid of Sam, if it’s not me.” In a blinding moment of insight, Sam realizes he is absolutely right. It isn’t Ian who frightened her – it’s herself.
Sam decides, It really doesn’t matter how I want the world to be - it only matters how it is. I am not going to stick my head in the sand anymore. Dad tried that. I know where that trail leads, and I am not going there. In spite of butterflies doing a line dance in her stomach, Sam marches up to Ian and dives in, telling him she’ll try…but makes no promises as to how it will turn out.

When Beau shows up for work, Sam tells him a painful story of when she acted in a high school play, and her father arrived drunk, making a scene. She gives Beau solid advice: “The secret of getting what you want in life is wrapped up in one word. Focus.” He can focus on his current situation and rebel, or look ahead and work toward his dreams. Sam recognizes she’d be wise to take a page from her own book.

When Ian stops by that evening, and the romance heats up. Ian is a gentle lover, and Sam is awash in sensation. Suddenly, she finds herself staring up at the silly ornate cornice at the ceiling - the shift as abrupt as a douse with cold water. Ian senses this and stops, refusing to leave her behind. Sam breaks through her private nature and shame explains that this is how it is for her, suggesting he move on to a more normal relationship with someone else.

He refuses, telling her, “If I can’t have it all, I’m not going to settle for less. When this happens for us, and it will happen…it’s going to be better than anything we’ve ever experienced, I promise you. That’s worth waiting for.”

While shopping at a nursery for grapevines, a small East Indian woman introduces herself. She explains that her vet, Dr. MacEuen has recommended Sam and hands her a business card, which reads - Bina Rani, Clinical Psychologist. Sam jumps to the conclusion that he’s betrayed her confidence by speaking with a total stranger about her problems. It turns out though, that Bina is looking for a builder for her home’s restoration. Sam visits, agrees to work up a proposal.

Ian’s mother calls. He hasn’t been home in awhile, and they miss him. When he invites Sam to go, he’s surprised by her easy acquiescence. The trip is a revelation to her; she didn’t know a “Beaver Cleaver childhood” could exist. Maybe she’d need to rethink her view of the world - what else is possible that she has rejected as folly? Sam tucks the question into her growing collection of possibilities, and decides to see Bina for counseling.

The trip home is also a revelation to Ian, but in a completely different way. He sees his parents’ relationship naively, thinking it effortless and unshakable. When he compares this to his relationship with Sam, he has serious concerns, which he relays to his mother.

Sam tells Bina her recurring nightmare - an evil presence in a basement that will do something worse than kill her if she sees it. Bina helps her to see the dream is a tunnel to the subconscious and Sam recognizes her mind is attempting to force her to acknowledge and deal with past sexual abuse.

The renovation of the Victorian progresses, and the work crew is becoming an experienced team. Sam is so grateful for the full life she’s found here in Los Olivos: her fuzzy-faced companion, friends, co-workers, a…well, a boyfriend. She asks Jesse for help in planning a Holiday house-warming party.

In a session with Bina, Sam faces her secret shame. She isn’t a total victim – having made the choice not to tell anyone of the abuse.

“The worst part is that Mr. Collins knew I wouldn’t tell. And because he knew it, it made me his co-conspirator.” Bina tells her this is the abuser’s secret weapon - they make the child feel they have responsibility for their own molestation. She walks Sam through her options; applying stark adult logic, and gets her to admit that at the time, Sam really didn’t have any other viable choice. But Sam can’t forgive herself, until Bina has her picture the situation happening to Sunny – a member of her student crew.

“Would what happened in that room have been Sunny’s fault?”

“Good God, no!”

“Dear Sam, then why is it yours?” And healing begins.

Ian takes a tour of the almost complete renovation. In the remodeled bedroom, he asks for the honor of being her first. Sam tries to correct him, but he tells her, “No Sam. You’ve experienced abuse, and you’ve had sex. You’ve never been loved. Others have taken from you - what you’ve never felt comfortable giving. You’ve never had anyone care more about you as a person and your pleasure than about themselves.” She lets go, and is free. After lovemaking, Sam tells Ian she loves him, only to see fear flash across his face. She tries to make him see reality – that there is no easy relationship, but he isn’t ready to listen.

Ian’s mother comes to visit – alone - she has something to discuss with her son. On a cloudy afternoon with a chill wind blowing off the ocean, they walk along the beach and she bursts Ian’s rosy bubble. She forces him to see that his parents’ marriage is not effortless; his father had a one-night affair years ago.

She tells him, “Don’t you see Ian? If love and marriage were as simple as you believe, it wouldn’t be worth much. I don’t know if Sam is the right one for you, but I can’t stand by and watch you throw away what may be a bright future, looking for something that doesn’t exist.”

Ian doesn’t want to know this. He withdraws from Sam to lick his wounds, and won’t be attending the housewarming party.

Everyone is there, resplendent in their holiday finery. The house looks warm and festive with the large wreath over the fireplace mantle, and fresh garland hanging from the loft railing. Snowy linen covered buffet tables line the wall under the loft, crowded with chafing dishes and platters of food. Sam is proud, but there is a gaping hole in the evening that only Ian would have filled.

When the doorbell rings well into the party, She opens the door to see him standing in the porch light. He wants to talk privately, so they sit in the back yard to talk.

Ian admits to Sam that she has been right, about all of it. He has been living in a dream world –unwilling to accept reality. He feels like a coward, especially in light of her courage in facing her demons…and because he loves her, and didn’t have the guts to say it. He’s afraid he’s too late to redeem what they have together.

Sam tells him, “I know fear - I understand how paralyzing it can be. It took me ten years to stop running, and to learn what you did in one week - that fear only chases you as long as you run from it. Once you stop and face it, it’s never as bad as you pictured in your head.”

The book ends with them deciding to relax, and see where time will take them.