Regardless of any intent otherwise, there are days that I simply must be a patient. Yesterday was one of those innocuous days. Nothing much turned into fatigue I am still feeling.

I went to the Clinic, and spent five minutes having blood drawn. Then, a nearly hour-long trip to see the Sleep Doctor and her people. It was an hour, most of it on a bed. It wore me completely out. By the time I got home, all I wanted was to sleep! I still feel exactly the same way more than 24 hours afterwards. I know why this happens. I should expect it, but it always takes me by surprise.

I'm pushing hard, on several fronts these days. My energy level is not the greatest, but I still need to get things done. Writing is a large part of the "things" that I require of myself each day. I do live alone. I have a homecare worker who is in the house every weekday for about 4 hours. I can't tell you what a blessing THAT is. At least my little apartment is clean. Well, cleaner than I could make it, that's for sure. Pills, diet, rest, exercise, and purpose-driven living take their collective toll on the capable people of this planet. I'm really having trouble realizing that what I could do only a little while ago seems nearly impossible now.

I'm being really stubborn about it. History tells me this is not the best choice to make, healthwise. Yet, if nothing, I am consistent. I can tell that, in a large degree, it is me that is driving the boat here. But, I am afraid I am driving the boat unsafely. I have Sara to try to keep my enthusiasm in check. Ya wanna guess how THAT'S going? Ha! As if! I am unintentionally making a lot of stress for her while she tries with utter futility to get me to rest, get off the machine more often, and give myself a break. I have this "time" thing going. I have to get it done now, while I can. What a circle!

If you can, choose to take a few moments to do absolutely nothing today. It could have drastic impact on your tomorrow!

In His Care,

Budroe
 

I was perusing today. Yes, I know, I'll wait. Let it bless yer hearts! Out in public, n everything! I have no shame!

It seems that, somehow, EarlyHours-A Vigilante Ranger has his computer infestd with an information-seeking, slightly neurotic (but completely friendly) circuit board named VA, or Vigilante Angel. I KNOW!!

It seems he's been locked up in this computer, or the WDC site for some eight years--all the way back to the stories dot com days! Well, all of a sudden this AI thingey is runnin' loose all over the site, making a real hash of things! Seem he likes reviewers--and Blogs.

If you get the chance, you really should get on over to his site. He's one of the good ones, y'all. Say a Howdy!" to 'im, and let him know that we aren't entirely prejudiced around here, okay? No, really, CC, we ain't! Blink....blink. Ahhh SWARE!

The Vigilante Angel .

Better yet, get OUTSIDE his computer, and say hello to the "other" part of the act, EarlyHours-A Vigilante Ranger . I dare ya!
 

Hey!! Ya got two of 'em yesterday! Gimme a break, already!

A bit testy, is he? Mayhaps but methinks mayhaps he is merely feeling the fatigue of living any sort of life with purpose these days. It's been a while, you know. I'm nearly 8,000 words into the novel (3,125/day to meet the goal I have set.) and I know how it will end, but as for who will make it to the final page...no idea.

This book has been difficult to get to, but just a ton of fun when I finally get there. But, distraction has ruled the day. Marketing ideas and other things have really kept me walled off from the world, and the book. It's just one of those days.

Tomorrow is a medical day. I get lab in the morning, and then it's off to see the sleep center folks. I use an assisted breathing device now at night (or whenever I sleep, actually) called a BiPap machine. It's a doozy, I tell ya. I've got to explain something to you, so you will understand the "patient behind the mask", here.

As a professional truck driver, I abhored anything which took away my total concentration from my primary task: driving. I did not wish, want, or voluntarily accept any situation that would make me more comfortable while I was driving. (Well, the air conditioner/heatin system, but I'm just sayin'!)

Remember those old war movies, where the bomber pilots were at a gazillion feet, and they had to wear masks for hours on end to breathe?

Yeah, it's like that. What makes it more fun is that you are supposed to put the mask on when you are ready to sleep! Are you kidding me? Strap a five-pound assisted breathing mask onto your schnoz, and feel the rapture of air being forced into (and out of--ergo, BI Pap) your lungs--like it or don't. I'm not talking just a little friendly, helpful assist here, either. The pressure I'm on now is the strongest pressure available on this machine! They had to give me a special one before because it was the only machine available that could deliver the pressure I require! I had them change the pressure after seven days of no sleep! New machine: same thing. Max pressure in--and out--while sleeping. Distilled water chambers are filled to moisturize the air. Mine is set on its highest setting to avoid "cotton mouth" in the morning. I'll tellya: there's just nothing quite breathing in (involuntarily, I might add) a tropical rain storm. Where'd they get the technology for this thing, anyway? This is like "water bording lite!"

They have these cards that are just like credit cards. They store all the settings for you, and then document how much you actually sleep, and how the machine helps you breathe in and out--every day. When the need changes or the info fills the card, you just take or mail them into the provider, and you get a new card. Presto Changeo!!

Right now, I'm thinking I would dearly love to slap that sucker on my face! I'm all kinds of tired. We hoped this would help my constant fatigue. So far, it hasn't. The only noticeable difference for me is that I hear virtually nothing with this contraption strapped to my head--except the machine helping me breathe.

You know what that's like? Well, I'll just tell ya! You like apples?

It's like being conscious--while you are on a respirator. That's exactly what it's like.

How you like THEM apples?

Yeah, I definitely gots me some breathin' issues. No surprise; we saw this one coming back in '06. Right about the time I get my head all lined up to get some quality time with maybe even a little bit of a new life, I lose the use of my legs. Now this!

Since I can't do anything about the damned machine, I'll write about it! Harrummph!

In His Care,

Budroe
 

In one hour (my time), the National Novel Writing Month for 2009 will begin. In many parts of the country, and around the world, it has already begun. I hate those people. We re-set our clocks one hour tonight. I appreciate that for the first time in a long time. Usually, I appreciate the return of the stolen hour. I had to wait for it longer this year but this time I don't mind so much. I'll get those early starters back, I will.

I have no idea how. 50,000 words are, for me, a promise. 1,667 words each and every day of this month will bring me to that goal. But they need to be words of quality for me. Typing chapters from "The Brothers Karamozov" is one way to win NaNo. Not for me, however. The entire point is to dedicate yourself to the craftsmanship of your own words. Yes, it's fun. Yes, it's farce. But, there are real benefits to bein a part of the chaos that IS NaNo, and I want them all.

I want good words that take my story forward. I have an idea of my novel. I want the words to flow tightly and fluidly from page one to "The End". Is this too much to expect from such an event? Possibly. But, not for me. Perfectionistic ideology has it's costs. What will the result be? I have no idea. The bad guy done it. The good guy may or may not win. If he does, he will have to accomplish a task or several that are larger than himself. I have no idea what lies within the words--yet.

In less than one hour, I will begin the process. Wish me luck. If you are doing NaNo 2009, I wish you all good fortune on your journey. Add me as a Buddy, and I will encourage you as I can.

It's no more difficult than any other "clean screen" we all face on a daiy basis. It's just that NaNo is a bit different. For me, it matters. This month will net a year's edits, and almost a year in the publishing process. Again. If I wrote no new words at all this month, it would take me nine years to empty my personal pipeline. Now, that's optimism. I need to be optimistic. We all should be. I hope you will be, too. If you are looking for a fresh dose, I know where you can find it. You can find it here  .

In His Care,

Budroe