"Man's mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions."
Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809 - 1894)
Thanks OutofSync for the prompt

"But I'm coming back." I sputtered almost in tears. Everyone in the breakroom laughed. My supervisor on the night shift came over to me and hugged me.

"Of course you are.This is just a temporary assignment."

The break room was filled with my fellow nurses who had thrown me a pitch - in ( potluck) dinner. I was being assigned to another floor for 2 months to fill a critical need. The floor I was being assigned 3 South was known to eat up and chew out new nurses. I was one year on the job and low man on the staffing totem pole. I was not asked if I wanted to do this, but told about the reassignent two days ago by my head nurse.

And it felt like a demotion. I worked on one of the best floors in the hospital. That was not just my opinion but the general consensus of other Med-Surg nurses. It in the newest wing of the hospital, all private rooms and fewer patients. Ten vs fifteen or eighteen a shift depending on the wing.

I called my brother to whine. "Twenty patients.(Venting makes me exaggerate) Sometimes no aides. All those all old people. And the staff I hear can be tough."

My brother let me vent for a while. Then he changed my outlook.

"Don't think of it as a demotion. You're just out of school. You're their best and brightest. Go and learn everything you can and bring it back. Actually, its a promotion that they think of you like that."

At the time, I thought he doesn't understand. He's military and they do things differently. Yet the idea took hold and grew in my mind. By the time I reported for duty on 3 South, I had the mind set that I was here to learn. The staff responded in kind. I made friends because my attitude was not "this is the armpit of the hospital."

I had a lot of firsts on 3 South. My first codes, my first patients in DT's and first AMAs or leaving Against Medical Advise. I had more diabetics that I could count. I began to hate the phrase "Uh..Nurse I feel funny." It usually meant the blood sugar was around 40 (normal is 80-100). I learned I liked the older patients better than the younger ones as the whine factor was lower.

The two months actually flew by and I was almost sorry to leave 3 South. I knew my brother's ideas had changed me when I overheard some co-workers talking soon after I returned.

"Lani is different since she came back. More self-confident and she knows everyone in the hospital now."

"Yeah, maybe it won't be so bad when I have to float."


I think Oliver Wendell Holmes would be pleased


 

If you think you fail, fail gloriously


This quote sounds like another way of saying, "Put you whole heart into it." Whatever it is. Is this real comfort or cold praise?
I though of one particular Olympic swim race when I saw this quote. Michael Phelps recently appeared on CBS 60 Minutes. He said the difference between him and his Serbian-American opponent, Milorad Čavić, was a small error in judgment. Mr.Čavić checked lane placement by raising his head before he touched the wall. Mr. Phelps did not. The difference was 1/1000 of a second. Mr.Čavić failed gloriously to say the least. Would he take comfort in this adage? I think so, because he wrote in his blog:

"People, this is the greatest moment of my life. If you ask me, it should be accepted and we should move on. I’ve accepted defeat, and there’s nothing wrong with losing to the greatest swimmer there has ever been."


 

I grew up reading robot stories. I enjoyed Asimov who was the best with his three laws. I also read lots of old pulp science fiction. I read Star Trek and Star Wars. Yes, I was a nerd before we became geeks and before we became cool. I always wanted to be a robot or a least Mr. Spock. How cool would that be not to have emotions to deal with all the time? Emotions are messy and painful. They will get you in all sorts of trouble. Why not block them out or get rid of them?

The thing that always impressed me about the stories or TV shows was that robots always always wanted human emotion. The thing that made us the most fragile, the most vulnerable, they wanted. It made me proud to be human and irritated at the same time. Commander Data of Star Trek Next Generation fame was continually investigating and puzzled (is that an emotion?) by emotions. He was limited in his understanding and continually made mistakes with his co-workers. In one of the Star Trek movies, the Commander finally got an emotion chip, but during a key scene he was paralyzed by indecision. Captain Picard told him to turn off his chip and instantly he was able to function. Talk about envy. I wanted that chip.

I grew up in an abusive home. There was rage in the home. Everyone felt like they were walking on eggshells all the time. But the culture around me exploded as well. When I was growing up in the '70's everyone seemed angry. The women libbers, the black panthers, the gays, the pro abortionist, the pro lifers, the college students, the police and Nixon were angry all the time. Three big networks were happy to show us in new living color (yes there was TV before cable). Who wouldn't want to be a robot and not feel the hate coming at you from all directions?

Still being a robot cuts you off from the best part of being human: human contact. As I tried to bury my feelings and become Mr Spock or Commander Data. (not a conscious choice, by the way), I found that people didn't respond to me as they did to robots in the stories. I was not cute or fascinating. I was cold and heartless. I was a nerd without emotions. Not an easy thing to achieve for a woman.

No emotions cuts off joy, love, compassion, empathy and all that is good and beautiful. All that is human. Emotions help us realize our need of God. Even angels envy lowly humans. Speaking of salvation, the Apostle Peter says"Even angels long to look at these things."1Peter1:12 . It's hard. It's messy. Sometimes it's not very much fun to be human, but on the balance I'd rather be real. I'd rather love and be loved. I 'd rather be the envy of angels than an angel. Human vs Robots. No contest. Humans rock!
 

Two entries in one day. I don't know if its the ADD meds or if it is the prompts, but I am writing. I wanted to add this to the courteous post, but I wasn't sure how to weave it into the entry.

I had a friend who used to tell me that I needed to be nicer to my family. I had just broken a promise to my sister in favor of a boyfriend and my friend was irritated with me.

"Why are you so mad, Janet? It's just my sister. She understands," I asked her.

"Maybe she does and maybe she doesn't but that's not the point," she huffed.

"What is the point?" I was clearly not getting her anger.

"The point is boyfriends come and go, but sisters are family," Janet stated after taking a cleansing breath.
"Family loves you, stays with you, picks you up after boyfriends mess you up. Family is forever. Boyfriends are only forever when they are husbands. You need to be nicer to your family, give them the same respect you give strangers. Maybe more. Heck, you would never blow me off like you just did your sister. Would you?"

"Uh,.. no"

I don't remember what I did after that conversation. I think I gave my sister a heart felt apology instead of an excuse. I think I will call her tonight. The boyfriend? Long gone.

How are you treating your family these days?

 

My perspective on WDC auctions, raffles and Merit Badges.

I love WDC, but ( and you knew this was coming) it doesn't have a good natured forum where you can go vent or ask for help or make friends. Its too big to have such a place. A place to sit down and have a cup of coffee, bitch or praise about how the world of WDC is treating you without someone chewing your head off. Or if there is, I haven't found it.

There is a "Technical Support Forum" ,"Non-Technical Support Forum"  (huh?) and a FAQ sheet about most anything. They are are easy to understand if you are not overwhelmed by the site. Which I was, when I first started here. I joined WDC in July 2007 but did not post until the following March. One reason for the overwhelming feeling was the size of the site. It takes forever to find what you need or an answer. Another reason was figuring out how to post. I kept hearing about bitem. I needed to learn this to post my stories. I don't consider myself technically stupid, but its easier for me to learn a new skill if someone shows me rather than just reading it. I didn't realize that bitem was the language of contests. It was not critical knowledge to just post in my own port. Okay, so maybe the blonde roots were showing a little.

I did look into some of the Newbie adoption programs and mentoring when it became apparent that I needed some help. I joined the site, but I didn't really get active until 8 months later. So it's too late for most of those programs to apply to me. I am just now really finding my way around, making friends or at least acquaintances and favorites.

After I posted my first poems, gifts points (gps) started showing up. "Virtual Tokens" was the explanation. I didn't see the significance of them. They clogged my email like spam. Soon I realized other people enjoyed getting gps and that they could buy things on the site. One of my first acts, after this realization, was to upgrade someone. This had been done for me anonymously so, I returned the favor. I have donated to a raffle and an auction for members that I enjoy reading, but I have not figured out the whole process or how its done. I don't have any good insights.

Merit badges again, are something I'm still not sure how they work. It seems you can earn them in contests but also they can be given by anyone at anytime. It seems arbitrary. Like the star system. That's whole 'nother blog entry or just read Four is the New Three in Scottiegazelle 's port
http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1005075






 

http://www.travelandleisure.com/afc/2008/city/charleston

I live in the Low Country of South Carolina: Myrtle Beach, Georgetown, McClellanville, Isle of Palms and of course Charleston. Charleston is consistently rated by Travel and Leisure Magazine as the friendliest city in the nation. The night life is only ranked # 25 but you can't have everything. The Low Country or lowcountry as it is written and spoken, is a beautiful area. There are beaches, golfing, four star hotels and history.When most people think of the South, they think Confederacy, but Charleston has been here a lot longer that. South Carolina was one of the original thirteen colonies.This city was part of the American War of Independence.
Needless to say, Charleston has charm and its citizens also make it appealing. There is a open hearted friendliness here that is not found in other places that I have lived. "Southern Hospitality" seems cliche, but it fits.

http://www.wciv.com/news/stories/1108/572723.html

Just over the the river from Charleston is another city. It's just as old and historic but not as quaint. North Charleston seems to be the ugly stepsister. For several years, its has been ranked number 10 in crime by the FBI. If you read the link, Chief Jon Zumlt says that the numbers are not the whole story. North Charleston is a city of 95,000. According to the chief, the North Charleston is being compared to cities with populations greater than 100,000. This juxtaposition between the cities is interesting. Some of the same people who wait the tables, clean the hotels, and a thousand other jobs in Charleston live in North Charleston. This doesn't make a lot of sense to me. There is nothing magic about crossing a bridge. Does everyone smile on the job and go home and explode? Go home and kick the dog, beat the lover and rob the convenience store? Well, not everyone as the article talks about the neighborhoods that are cleaning up their crime rates.

I'm not sure what this says about how courteous we are, but it is an interesting contrast.
 

"Mom! Look at the TV. India was attacked by terrorists. Some place called Mumbai."

"So, those people are always killing each other."

"No, you don't understand. Terrorists like 9/11. It's awful."

"What's awful, is you're going to make me late for those sales.'

"Don't tell me you're going out today? It's crazy after Thanksgiving."

"That's when the best sales are. I want to get your Dad that HD TV he wants"

Announcer from CNN: "There have been an unknown number of American lives lost and involved in this tragedy..."

"See what happens when you don't stay home like you're suppose to."

"Mom, how can you say that? People have been killed. Americans on vacation for pete's sake. It's not their fault."

"Look, if those people hadn't been trotting all over the world, they wouldn't have been targets. Now I'm going to the Wal-Mart in Valley Stream*. I may be there a while in line. Let your Dad know, but not what I'm buying. "


This is a conversation I can imagine happening. When I saw the news, the international stories were full of Mumbai. The American news was full of economic woes. The trampling death of Jdimytai Damour didn't seemed as big a deal as it should have been. Our world view seems pretty small sometimes.






*The Valley Stream Wal-Mart is where a employee was trampled to death by holiday shoppers. The customers became irate when authorities wanted to close the store.
 

I'm thinking of joining the "Invalid Item" . It will be for the month of December and that seems a set-up for failure. However, if I never challenge myself what's the point?

December means extra work at my job, hubby will be underfoot instead on the road and I have lots of other excuses. Still. I have momentum these days and why not continue it? And the doc is starting me back on my ADD meds so maybe I will get some focus. Or implode Or nothing. It's better to find out that I'm a poser ( is that the right word?) than to just wonder.

Ready or not Earl, here I come.


 

The holidays are always hard. It’s not really time for the holiday blahs to set in, but I have them. I've been trying to figure out why. We are now officially out of credit card debt (Yea!!!). We are debt free except for some old medical bills. My hubby has been traveling a lot this year, but he will be home for Christmas. My job had an unprecedented slow-down this summer that is now reversing. The Colts are doing okay and the Giants are awesome. So what's the problem? Why am I sliding in a gray fog that hinders my mood and focus? After the last Colts game, I had my answer. I started to reach for the phone to call my dad and remembered. He died last year on Thanksgiving Day.

When I try to write about him, the entry makes it sounds like we were really close. We weren't. Sometimes weeks would go by and I would get in my groove of life and forget to call. So he would call me.

"Lani Jean, we haven't heard from you in a while. Just calling to make sure you're still alive," he would tell me. (I hate being called by both names. It must be a parent thing)

"I'm okay Daddy,” I’d say. "Just working."

Then we would have the same awkward conversation trading; family gossip. Sports would be next. I would ask about whatever season's sport he was watching. Football is my personal favorite but my dad liked all three seasons: football, baseball and basketball. Being a Hoosier, college basketball might have been my dad's favorite.

My dad was a private man. It was easier to talk sports than most anything else. I learned to talk sports so that I could have a conversation with my dad. That's not to say that my dad was not friendly. He was very friendly. I alway thought he would have made a great politician because he could charm you with nonsense. Yet you felt like you never knew him. At least I didn't.

In my entry"No Longer A Pert Christian" , I was flip about my dad being a traditionalist but not a necessarily believer. But I didn't know for sure what he believed. When I was a new Christian, I tried to talk to him about my faith. He answered me with tales about his childhood and being raised in abusive foster homes of religious people of all faiths. When he married my mom, Daddy said he converted to Catholicism so that we could go to church as a family. I never really got a sense that he had made a commitment to Christ or if he thought that being a good person/good father was enough.

I went home last October to say goodbye to my Daddy. He was dying of smoking related illnesses and I had just enough time. I tried to make arrangements in the hotels and motels surrounding my parent’s hometown. I could get everything I wanted at a reasonable price except for the weekend. The prices shot up into the stratosphere. I finally asked the receptionist of the third hotel I called, if there was something special going on in town.

"Aren't you coming for the Colts/Patriots game?"

Oh. God definitely has a sense of humor and love. He gave us something to talk about even on my dad's death bed.

I will admit that I am the wimpiest excuse for a Christian that God has ever called. I didn't ask my dad about his faith. I felt the weight of guilt. The "should haves" and "could haves" are a heavy load. Truthfully, though I don't remember the Holy Spirit leading me. Maybe its wishful thinking but I don't. Fortunately, another family member asked him point blank about his faith. My dad said he had made a commitment to Christ but he didn't feel the need to parade it before everyone. He had enough of that growing up and in his own family.

After the funeral, I wondered if my dad's commitment was real. I wondered about when he made his decision and how he lived his life. I wondered about things that were not any of my business but God's. Only God can judge the human heart. It made me miserable. One night I was sitting at my computer and I felt I wasn't alone. I turned and saw a vision. My Daddy was standing with Jesus. They were both smiling. I felt peace for the first time in a long while. He truly is the God of all Comfort. I never have to doubt who is waiting for me on the other side.