‘Idál (Justice), 7 Ilm (Knowledge), 165 B.E. – Wednesday, October 22, 2008 about 4:12 PM Pacific Time

I'm in a better mood today. I don't know whether I'm getting used to walking two miles a day or I've resigned myself to doing it for the rest of the year. It was cooler this afternoon then yesterday or this morning. About midmorning the wind began to blow and the wind chill factor kicked in. So the walk home was rather nice, all though I didn't see a yellow flower in bloom today. I didn't need to see a spring flower blooming to give me encouragement today.

My right knee hurts when I walk on cement, but as long as I keep my mind busy the pain isn't too bad. They say you feel pain in the mind anyway. If that's the case then as long as I keep my mind focused on something besides the knee and negative thoughts, I won't have a problem. When I got home I took a nap in the love seat, so I'm a bit behind on writing.

I went to bed early last night, but I don't think I will tonight. I feel a lot better then I did yesterday. Of course, today I ate some protein before I left for work. I also had a meat dish for lunch and Sloppy Joes for dinner. I'm going to have to increase my protein intake now that I'm walking more. I still haven checked the answering machine yet, but I'll do that before I go to bed.


 

Fidál (Grace), 6 Ilm (Knowledge), 165 B.E. – Tuesday, October 21, 2008 about 5:29 PM Pacific Time

After a long and weary day, I'm tired and want to give up completely. I won't of course, I never make important decisions when I'm in this mood. I walked to work today and I walked home. Mom has had a difficult afternoon and evening. It doesn't help that I'm tired and would like to go to bed, but if I don't do a specific amount of reviews today then I'll be further behind then I am.

I am so down at this point, I don't know what to do. It's still daylight outside and I have other things to do. Mom attempts to clean house, but all she gets done is laundry. I know we can't have that much laundry. There are only two people in this house and she does three or four loads of laundry everyday. I tried this morning to get the only two loads of laundry I thought we had, but when I came home she was doing laundry. I don't know where she finds it. Maybe the dirty laundry magically appears out of hyperspace. It can't appear out of cyberspace because the computer is off when I'm not here.

I walked to work and home today, the same tomorrow and probably for the next month or two. I applied for Paratransit, but I'm not counting on getting it. I'm basing this on a dream I had last week, before the interview. In the dream, I took Mom to work with me. I'm taking that to mean she will get Paratransit, but I won't. If she gets it then I can go with her, which means she will be going to my doctor's appointments from now on. That will make her happy and get her out of the house. She is in a much better attitude when she gets out of the house.



 

Why does the sun rise?
Morning is for praising God
intoning love's gratitude.

Tomorrow morning
I walk to work while praising
one mile of walking.

NOTE: Tomorrow should be an interesting day because today I decided that the only way to get thing moving in my life is to start pushing.

 

Kamál (Perfection), 5Ilm (Knowledge), 165 B.E. – Monday, October 20, 2008 about 9:49 AM Pacific Time

Jamál (Beauty), 4 Ilm (Knowledge), 165 B.E. – Sunday, October 19, 2008 about 8:50 AM Pacific Time

There are times in a woman's life when she scares herself so badly, she wants to run naked from the house screaming. I'm not sure if this is one of those times or not, but I've scared myself again. This morning I realized that I'm dealing with some more of the same issues my mother has dealt with all her life.

Mom is afraid of doing something wrong. Lately, she has presumed she did something wrong when she didn't. In fact, she apologizes for doing something wrong. I try to assure her that she hasn't, but she doesn't seem to want to accept that. Mom keeps repeating that she did something wrong again in different situations or over and over with the same situation.

I've found myself thinking the same thing. I've found myself presuming I've did something wrong before the vote is even in. Of course, with me the thought is {c;red}I've screwed up again! I don't always screw up. Actually, I think its impossible to do everything wrong or to screw up all the time. Mom has dealt with the problem all her life and never resolved it. I'm going to have to resolve the problem in my own life or it's only going to get worse as I get older.

 

The both develop patience and frustration, not necessarily in that order. I got online earlier today and then my connection was severed. I'm connected to the Internet by a telephone line, so this is a normal occurrence. However, today was different.

First the phone number to my provider was busy for about an hour and I couldn't get through. Then the server didn't answer in a timely manner. The problem was the load on the lines, but it was frustrating for a while. Then I decided to just be a little patient and do something else. That what patience is having something else to do in the meantime.

I'm back online, I have reviews to do and e-mails to answer. The e-mails may not get answered today because the reviews are coming first. It's going to take a while to do the reviews.
 

Jalál (Glory), 3 Ilm (Knowledge), 165 B.E. – Saturday, October 18, 2008 about 9:21 AM Pacific Time

When I need encouragement the most, someone usually sends me e-mail messages that give it or make me think. I'm not talking about the newsletters with quotes in them, in this case it's friends who send interesting items they have come across in their own e-mail boxes. When I read my yahoo mail this morning there was a message with the subject line "Charlie Brown Philosophy" This e-mail contained the following two quotes that I needed today.

Istiqlál (Independence), 2 Ilm (Knowledge), 165 B.E. – Friday, October 17, 2008 about 10:39 AM Pacific Time

No wind caresses
the the limbs of the stone pine tree
on this cold autumn morning.

My muse is hunting
inspiration in the chill
and finding it.

My mood is yo-yoing
but my muse pushes through the darkness
to the light.


 

Istijlál (Majesty), 1 Ilm (Knowledge), 165 B.E. – Thursday, October 16, 2008 about 8:49 AM Pacific Time

I didn't go to the Feast of Ilm (Knowledge) last night. I don't have a car and no one could pick us up for Feast. After walking to the bank and back home, I was in no condition to do any more walking, so taking the bus was out. The next Feast is on the evening of November 3 and I have no idea who is hosting it. I'll find out later in the month.

Today we have an appointment to qualify for Paratransit, I hope both Mom and I can qualify, but if only Mom qualifies that's OK. If I don't qualify I'll have a problem getting to work, because without a car it means walking, which increases the pain in my right knee. I'm going to have to call the clinic for an appointment to see what the problem is with the knee.

Thanks to some very special people, I have an upgraded membership until December 15. I'm giving myself those two months to either save enough money or earn enough GPs to get a year's premium membership.

I took off work today and I have to call the school to tell them I won't be in tomorrow. I just can't face another walk this week. Actually, my knee can't face it and as much as I need the money, I'm just going to have to suck it up and deal with it. I have figured out that the walk to a given place isn't the problem. I can walk to work or to the bank without a problem, the problem occurs on the way back home.




 

‘Idál (Justice), 19 Mashiyyat (Will), 165 B.E. – Tuesday-Wednesday, 15, 2008 about 12:23 PM Pacific Time

I'm behind on just about everything. I finally got a thank you e-mail sent for the gift of the upgraded membership. I called into work for today and tomorrow, but I'm going to have to go in Friday, because I can't afford take any more time off. Not that I could afford to take this time off, but the car is in the shop and I just needed a bit of rest before starting out again. As it is, I'm going to have to go to the bank as soon as I eat lunch. I'm going to talk to the bank, I don't know if I'm going to walk back or not. That depends on how I feel and what time it is when I get to the bank.

 

Fidál (Grace), 18 Mashiyyat (Will), 165 B.E. – Tuesday, October 14, 2008 about 7:23 AM Pacific Time

I had a new experience at the my dental appointment yesterday. I walked to work because my car is parked in the driveway and I can't start it. After I got off work, I then walked to the medical clinic for my 3:30 PM appointment. I was extremely early because I got off around 12:30 PM. I didn't want to walk home because I knew I couldn't make it back to the dental office, which is closer to work then to my house.

Yesterday was the grand opening of the clinic I went to. It's new to this area of town. Anyway, there was a news crew from Channel 3 in Las Vegas. I was on the evening news last night. This is the first time I've been interviewed by a T.V. news program. After the interview, I waited for my dental appointment and they got me in early for that. I walked home and saw myself on the 4:00 news on Channel 3. It's amazing what experiences a person has when they are open and willing to take the opportunity.

 

It's finally beginning to feel like autumn in Las Vegas. Today the temperature in the house got down to a chilly 70 degrees. I think it was colder then that when I woke up at 10:00 PM last night. Today I made soup in the slow cooker.

I opened a can of condensed chicken rice soup and chicken noodle soup. I put those together in the slow cooker and added a can of water for each. Then I opened a can of potato garlic soup and tomato soup (non-condensed versions). I added those to the soup already in the slow cooker. The next thing I added was a can of cut spinach. I let all that heat up together and that's what we had for lunch and dinner.

That's how I make soup anymore. Sometimes I add a package of rice or taco seasoning, but little else. Unless I feel I need more veggies and then I open more cans. All right, so I'm a canned cook.

 

Jamál (Beauty), 16 Mashiyyat (Will), 165 B.E. – Sunday, October 12, 2008 about 12:00 AM Pacific Time

A Grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning when he had made her coffee.

She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom there were three of those little green army men in the cup. She said, "Honey, what are the army men doing in my coffee?"

Her grandson said, "Grandma, it says on TV-'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!'"

Jalál (Glory), 15 Mashiyyat (Will), 165 B.E. – Saturday, October 11, 2008 about 8:20 AM Pacific Time

The weariness sets in, while the pain is intermittent. I haven't had a running car since Wednesday afternoon. There just isn't enough power to turn the engine over. At least I hope, that is the problem because if it's anything else I just don't have the money to have it taken care of.

I walked to the bank yesterday to cash my paycheck, which is the reason for the weariness and pain. I don't know how many blocks I walk, but I do know it was farther then I have to walk to work. I have to get someone out here to take care of the problem or I'm not going to have a car next week. So I guess I better get offline and call somebody.

I know it sounds odd, but I'm not worried about the I have some money, about $100.00. If it cost more then that then I do have a problem. At least until, my sisters check comes. I asked for $200.00 this time, but I don't know if she can afford to send that amount, so we'll probably get only $100. I'm not going to worry about it because worrying doesn't help.

I think my biggest problems this morning is the weariness and the pain in my right knee. I'm going to just take it easy most of the day. I'll call Triple A to see if they will sent a truck to take care of my problem. I'll find out how much they charge first, but I'm going to have to have the car taken care of. I'm setting here on the verge of tears and I think it's just the weariness.


 

Istiqlál (Independence), 14 Mashiyyat (Will), 165 B.E. – -Friday, October 10, 2008 about 3:41 AM Pacific Time

Morning has arrived and it's still dark outside. I put a load of clothes in the washer when I went into the kitchen to make the coffee about 2"30 AM. My car is still setting in the driveway, looking like I backed it in, waiting for me to get a battery and a battery cable. After thinking about it, I remembered that my sister bought me a battery in 2005 or 2006. Considering how hot it gets in Vegas, I don't suppose it would hurt if I bought a new battery and had it put in.

It's still dark outside. The sky is the color of my strong, deep black coffee. Let me rewrite that statement. The sky is the color of coffee before cream is added to it. I don't take cream or milk in my coffee unless I'm buying some sort of coffee mix at a coffee shop.

It's still dark outside and time doesn't fall back until the first Sunday in November. November 2 the time falls back. By then fall is half over, winter is approaching and the holiday season is just getting started. That could be one reason I'm having a difficult time with depression (all though I'm not sure that is the right description for the mood). Holidays are always depressing, I think because most holidays are consider family affairs. The only family I have in Vegas is my Mother.

I doubt that I'll see my sister or my brothers during the holidays again this year. I might see my niece and her kids in Henderson. I have to call and see if Mom and I can get an invention for Thanksgiving. I'm not going to cook a turkey. The only part of a turkey I like are the drum sticks and dark meat. If we don't go to my nieces, then I'm going to figure out a way to go out for Thanksgiving. As much as I dislike driving on a holiday, I'm not eating Thanksgiving dinner at home.

 

Istijlál (Majesty), 13 Mashiyyat (Will), 165 B.E. – Thursday, October 8-9, 2008 about 4:18 AM Pacific Time

I get in a rut, especially when it comes to saving money. Normally I buy the same store brand of coffee because its $1.00 or $2.00 cheaper then the other brands. The last time I went to Food 4 Less, the Value Brand of coffee I usually buy was sold out. I pay a little less then $5.00 for that brand.

This time I bought the Kroger brand which cost a little over $6.00 probably about a $2.00 difference. This morning I opened the new can of coffee and made it. It is both stronger and smoother then the brand I regularly buy, of course this is premium coffee and the other wasn't. Actually, I don't think the Value brand has premium. I'll have to look closer at the coffee selections the next time I go to Food 4 Less.

I'm in heaven because I have strong smooth coffee on a day when I really need it. I'm going to have to walk to work today, which isn't that far but it's still a long walk. I'm not in the best physical condition. I don't think the walk is going to kill me or put me in the hospital, but it's going to be a test. The last time I walked any distance my right knee gave me problems and pain, but I can't let a little thing like that stop me.

I have premium coffee waiting for brewing when I get back home from work. I have to keep that in mind while I walk to and from work today. If I could afford to take off I would, but the car is acting up again. It ran out of power yesterday on the way home. It still has gas in the tank, so the problem is something else. It's either the fuel pump or the alternator. I borrowed a guy's cell phone to call Triple A and they came right out. I had them tow me to the house, which was less then 5 miles from where the car died so it didn't cost me anything for the tow.

I'll call them and have them tow the car to my mechanic either Saturday or Tuesday, unless I can get something done with it before then. I get paid this week, so my check should come through the mail on either Friday or Saturday. If it comes Saturday, then I can go to the bank its drawn on Sunday after noon. They have a branch in a grocery store close by that's open on Sunday afternoon.

I can do anything I put my mind to as long as I have the proper reward waiting for me at home. Right now that reward is a cup or two o premium blend coffee. I really wish I could afford to take off today, but that's out of the question. As it is, I'm going to be short one day's pay next week. Oh well, all I have to do is keep in mind the premium cup of coffee I have waiting for me at home. Needless to say, the next time I buy coffee it's going to be the premium coffee; sometimes saving money just isn't worth the price.


 

‘Idál (Justice), 12 Mashiyyat (Will), 165 B.E. – Wednesday, October 8, 2008 about 5:10 AM Pacific Time

Sometimes I get the feeling that something wonderful is going to happen. I'm expecting something, but I don't know what I'm expecting. I have that feeling you get as as child on your birthday. You know you are going to get presents, you know what you asked everyone for, but you don't know what your getting. You have to wait until you open the gifts to find out.

That isn't the mood I woke up in, however, I never assume that the mood I have when I first wake up in the morning is the same mood I keep all day. My mood changes as the day advances and I say prayers or listen to my self-talk.

I woke up in a rather dark mood this morning. I thought that I had lost everything, but my mood improved after prayers and coffee. I'm not worried about losing everything, if I do then I'll handle it. Actually, at this point I'm not worried about anything at all. I'm focused on make thing blog entry and doing some more reviews today. I have to be at work at about 9:00 AM, but I can't check the water in the car until the sun comes up.

I'm going to have to get a new water pump, but as usually that takes a bit more money then I have at the moment. Oddly enough I don't seem to be worried about that or anything else right now. All thought, it is possible that I'm worried because I'm not worried.

When I get off work, I'm going to have to add water to the radiator and then go pay the Internet connection fee. I have enough for that. I get paid Friday or Saturday, whenever the check comes through the mail. Do to the fact that my bank holds anything $100 or over when I deposit a check, I'm going to the bank the check is drawn on and cash it. That will give me gas money anyway.



 

Fidál (Grace), 11 Mashiyyat (Will), 165 B.E. – Tuesday, October 7, 2008 about 6:21 AM Pacific Time

I reset the homepage to writing.com. Now all I have to do is log into my Internet providers server and bring up my browser. Right now my browsers is Internet Explorer, but that may change to FireFox sometime between now and New Year's Day 2009. I do surveys and some of the surveys won't run on FireFox, at least they wouldn't the last time I used it, which was in 2006 or 2007. I have to uninstall the FireFox browser I have and reinstall a later version.

The problem with downloading is my connection. I have a telephone hook-up to the Internet and this makes my download time slow as molasses in January. Therefore, I have to download in the middle of the night. Since I don't like downloading stuff while I'm sleeping, I have to wait until a Friday or Saturday. Right now I'm not going to download anymore then I have to until after I get caught up on my reviewing and survey goals. In addition, there is NaNoWriMo next month, so that will have to be put in my schedule. Not that I actually follow the schedule. I'm going to have to start following it, especially since the dream I had last night.

I like having writing.com as my homepage. It saves time when I want to log into this site. Especially since the first thing I do is check my account and see what my GP balance is. I have to get at least another month's premium membership by October 15 and then work toward a two, three or six-month extension. I'd like to make it a 12-month extension, but let me (the great procrastinator) take little steps. I don't procrastinate if the goal is small enough not to seem overwhelming.


 

Kamál (Perfection), 10 Mashiyyat (Will), 165 B.E. – Monday, October 6, 2008 about 6:10 PM Pacific Time

I have a new morning ritual. I get up before dawn and wait for the sun to come up. I'm actively waiting, by which I mean I'm either working on line, saying prayers or doing something else. When dawn arrives, I go outside and open the hood of my car. Then I take the cap off the radiator and look in to see if it has water.

If the radiator doesn't have water, which is a normal condition since I need a water pump and it loses water, I add water. Sometimes I add coolant, but six days out of seven I add water. The problem now is that I can't remember when I last added coolant. I think it was last week sometime, but I'm not sure when. Tomorrow only places I'm going to drive it is to work and the dentist.

I have a dental appointment at 1:00 PM so I'm going to the dentist right after work. After I get off work I'll check the water level in the radiator again and see if it needs water. Then I will go to the dentist and after I get out of the dentist, I'll check it again if it's cooled down enough for me to open the radiator.

Today it lost water after I got home from work, but I added water before we went to the bank at 4:00 PM. The weird thing is that it didn't lose water at the bank nor when I stopped at Albertson's to pay my Power Bill. I just love the fact that I can go into the supermarket and pay my power bill. However, I think I'm going to pay next month's power bill online.

 

Jamál (Beauty), 9 Mashiyyat (Will), 165 B.E. – Sunday, October 5, 2008 about 5:34 PM Pacific Time

I finished a short story today about the protagonist in my NaNoWriMo novel. The story show an early encounter between her and the antagonist. I had started to make the antagonist another protagonist, but when I wrote the story the encounter between the proved he would make a better antagonist.

For once I'm caught up with the NaNoWriMo Prep Challenge. The next challenge is to write about an object in the story. I'm suppose to describe the item. I'm not saying right now what I'm going to describe, but it's an idea object I've been considering writing about a long time now. I'm not sure what's up after this. I've looked ahead in the challenges, but I'm focusing on the present item.

I still have some more reviews to do. I also have to finish the edition of the Fantasy newsletter I'm editing. For once I have almost the entire newsletter completed. I have to finish rewriting the draft of the letter from the editor. It's only the first paragraph I have to complete. I finished the draft and then let it lay, when I went back to it I realized I needed to rewrite a paragraph.

I like to write like that. Complete a story or a poem and then let it lay for a little while before getting back to it. I don't always do it that way, but when I don't I always regret it later because I miss something obvious mistakes.