My hand is healing slowly. I should have taken another week off but I am due back to work on Monday.

My favorite tarot deck, the Gaian Tarot, is one that won't be available comercially till Sept. 2011----it will be published by Llwellyn---I will turn 60 in October 2011--and It will be my milestone birthday present to myself!

Today's card is about deep listening, being true to one's authentic self, and finding a supportive circle where one can be authentic.

Yesterday I received an e-mail from a friend I haven't seen in over a year inviting David and I to a "tasting party". It's to promote a product they are selling---Monavie---a nutritional supplement---and her "upline" will be there. She wanted to inform everyone so that when they become fabulously wealthy that we didn't feel we had been left out of this lifetime opportunity! It's a multi-level marketing scheme similar to Amway, Shaklee, HerbaLife, etc. It is definitely something I don't want in my life! I am insulted and angered by her smugness and snarkiness. I wanted to fire off a suitably pissed off answer but I think silence is probably the best response. This kind of thing is about as far from my authentic self as I can get! This might be an OK product--but it is prohibitively expensive--and then you are encouraged to rope others into the program...something ..wrong here....if it's so great it should sell itself!

That's my rant for today!

I am cutting the etheric threads that bind this woman and I together...snip...snip,,,,






 

I pulled one of my favorite cards--the moon--represented in the Tarot of the Saints---by Mother Mary. Tomorrow I begin a "virtual" on-line led retreat to commemorate the Aug. 15th birthday of Mikao Usui --the founder of Reiki. It is a 21-day retreat---with daily posted meditations and prayers. I'll be working part of this time and off healing from hand surgery for the beginning days of the retreat--except for Sat./ Sun.

The card represents unconditional love, forgiveness, night, and rest. A time for mothering. It is not a time to go forward, but a time to rest and recuperate. That is what I plan, as best I can.
 

I pulled this card from the Tarot of the Saints at the beginning of the week. I must confess that the traditional Chariot card has never resonated much with me.

But this week I've been meditating on St. Christopher and what this card has to tell me.

I'm glad he's been pulled from the Roman Catholic pantheon of saints---it makes him more of an archetypal image. In the card he is traversing a river/stream--carrying the Christ child on his shoulder. The traditional meanings of the card are tenacity, perseverance, forward movement.

I
I've re-imagined the card as a female carrying the Christ child not on her shoulder, but in a Snuggli or a sling, close to her breast and heart.

For me it is saying keep on, keep on, keep going the distance but know that you carry God with you with every step.

The color of the river on the card is a sea-green, a beach-glass green, much like how the Gulf of Mexico looks most days.

So the card tells me to stay the course, keep on, but know what you are carrying with you. It reassures me.

Years ago there was a television program hosted by the Christophers that started by saying, "it is better to light a single candle than to curse the darkness..."

I saw the MD for my hypertension today. Now I need blood work, an echocardiogram and an ultrasound of the kidney. I am formally ensconced in the medical industrial complex. It's time to get real about diet, exercise, and taking care of myself.

Blessings!


 

July 22nd is the feast day of St. Mary Magdalene. I ran across a wonderful blog- http://paintedprayerbook.com if you go to the site and scroll to July 20th you will find a special reference to the Magdalene. The entire blog is a feast for the eyes and the spirit.

My hand surgery will be an out-patient surgery with just a small incision----no extended time off or extended recovery. Now, I have to deal with my hypertension that I've been ignoring!
 

"Aging" 

Off to the hand surgeon today to consult about carpal tunnel surgery.

Work is a bit better now that I have a new nurse manager. Obviously, I've stopped actively searching for a new position until the question of surgery is resolved. If we had a national health care system it would make moving between jobs easier . No one wants to lose health coverage or be stuck in a position where COBRA payments are required. Despite all the naysayers I think President Obama is on the right track.

I work for a huge health-care management company that focuses on senior care. Always, their bottom line is profit not the care of the residents. I don't think that government run senior care could be worse than what I see every day. It seems to work for the Canadians. I became a nurse to provide excellent, compassionate care to the people I serve--somehow the profit motive seems at odds with that goal.

My friend Jill's son and daughter-in-law have produced a lovely, lyrical CD Find the Harmony----they are called Essential Machine. http://essentialmachine.com

I am slowing crawling out from the low-level depression of recent months----not working 60 hours a week has helped. Just hoping surgery doesn't throw me back there.

My sister-in-law has finally received the shipment of her self-published book: Shadow for a Tabernacle. She has spent a small fortune and I hope she can recoup her investment. It is a beautifully produced book of her photographs paired with a verse from each book of the Bible---King James version. I'll have to see if I can provide a link for all of you.

In the car I'm listening to Wally Lamb's The Hour I First Believed--a novel that uses the back-drop of the Columbine high school killings as the setting.

I've been fascinated with santeria ever since reading The Accidental Santera----I've created my own sopera----best friend Jill found a small blue willow pattern soup tureen at a garage sale---it's perfect---including the small crack that someone tried to repair. My maternal grandmother used Blue Willow dishes so there is a wonderul association. I'm not sure what a true santera puts in her sopera---but mine contains beach glass, a jade stone carved with a mermaid, seashells for now....All dedicated to Yemaya...Stellla Maris...the Great Mother of us all.

Watch out for the new moon eclipse today!
 

yes--more and more I've been nesting. Last week I learned from the neurologist after finishing the nerve conduction studies that I need to have carpal tunnel surgery on my left hand. I see the orthopedic surgeon on Friday.

It seems like this my be the only way for me to get off any significant time from work.

Ah, well....
 

I have been at my current job for almost a year, now. It will be a year on July 31st. I continue to look for another position but nothing yet has manifested. If I can hold out till the end of July I am eligible to collect the 80 hours of PTO time I have accumulated. If I leave before then I will forfeit those hours. I will leave it up to the universe!

I am applying for a position as a nurse at a methadone clinic----that will be a big change from working in long-term care! I would like to work for a non-profit social-service type organization as opposed to the corporate conglomerates that run long-term care.

Today's card pictures the loaves and fishes and Jesus feeding the multitudes with 3 fish and 6 loaves---it's all about abundance and grati
tude and manifesting from belief and creativity.

I await my good!
 

Four swords suspended in air---beneath a monk in contemplation---a prayer book, a cross, a skull.

Rest and retreat.

That's what I've been doing for the last 2 days---2 unexpected days off from work. needed them desperately-----worn out from my relentless job. A job interview this afternoon---but it's an "on-call" position from 5pm to 8am for a hospice organization. I think that this might be jumping from one bad situation to another.

Rest and retreat.

I've been listening to audiobooks by Eckart Tolle and Greg Braden---and finding solace and inspiration there.

When these are done will be listening to Janet Evanovich's 14th book in the Stephanie Plum series. Laughter and lightness. That's needed, too.

Yesterday I splurged and bought crisp, cool Egyptian cotton white sheets with satin striping and a new comforter, pillow shams, dust ruffle in soothing spa shades of ecru, cocoa, and misty jade. They all remind me of the decor from the "green" Holiday Inn at Lakewood Ranch in Sarasota, Florida. Once these are on the bed, our bedroom will feel like a serene spa retreat.

I've started my Oxycise exercises again---going to the pool regularly---or the beach----the water is lukewarm, like amniotic fluid.


Rest and retreat.


TUNE

My dulcimer sits dusty, untuned
on a back bedroom shelf
while I lie on my bed
rusty, unhinged
and listen to Billy Collins
read poetry
and diva Angela Brown
sing old Negro spirituals,
and I stand
pull down the dulcimer
and begin restringing.


Rest and retreat.

Thanks to

ID: 1569967   (Rated: 18+) Tap the Muse  Link an item to advertise or for r/r and write a short piece with the given word. by Joy

I haven't been blogging ---haven't been writing----have barely been reading. So for now...I'm taking a hiatus.....not leaving the site, just dropping way down in activity...which has been happening anyway. I'll probably be trimming my port and dropping down from the Premium membership level I've been maintaining.

Working too many long hours.....another bout of flu...and I've basically had it.....

so by for now.

Not sure when I'll return.
 

Easter Sunday and the most suitable Tarot card for this day is the Sun card from the Gnostic Christian Tarot. This is the Risen Christ triumphant----set in an arched frame----like a glowing stained glass window----from his left side of his pierced heart pours radiant white light--- symbolizing the water of baptism and from the right ---streams of red---signifying his death and crucifixion. The image is based upon a vision of Saint Faustina and is known as "the Divine Mercy icon". Saint Faustina had visions of Jesus---and he commanded this vision be depicted with the words, "I Trust in You",
inscribed across the bottom. He told Faustina that all who viewed the icon with trust would receive His forgiveness and mercy and spread this mercy to others.

http://www.bridgebuilding.com/narr/mi571.html


For any readers that follow my blog---you are aware that I feel a close connection to Yemaya---the Mother Goddess of the Sea----and her long association with mermaids, and syncretic association with Mother Mary. Interestingly, in Renaissance alchemical texts there is an image of a twin-tailed mermaid, (Yemaya is often depicted as such) with streams pouring from her breasts like a fountain. The stream from the right is red and the stream from the left is white.---this image is called the "Siren of the Philosophers" and believed to be an icon that represents a gateway to higher conciousness.

http://z.about.com/d/altreligion/1/0/Z/4/9/glossarysiren.jpg


For this Easter Sunday may your day be filled with the streams of mercy and forgiveness

May you be bathed in both the streams of red and white light and know that you are dancing at the end of the rainbow.

I spent yesterday with my grandchildren---today they are celebrating with their mom and step-father and his family.

David and I will be having Easter dinner with my son, his father (my ex-husband) and my son's girlfriend and her three children. It's a strange and wonderful world.

Blessings!