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Wednesday
May 30, 2012
8:20am EDT


Content Rating Notice: GC -- May Contain Graphic Content
Only For: 18 and Older, Not Easily Offended
  >> Book >> Biographical >> ID #1129962  |   Show DetailsPrinter Friendly Page Tell A Friend
All This Useless Beauty
If you don't know what is wrong with me, then you don't know what you've missed.
Rated:
GC
by
Avg Rating: (30)
 
What shall we do, what shall we do, with all this useless beauty?





You'll pay for the distance between cruelty and beauty.




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279.  The Valley of the Dolls treatise, continuedID #702909 
Posted: 8-1-2010 @ 11:45 pm EDT 

         To substantiate my only-partially-substantiated claims and expand on yesterday's comment, I offer treatise part two regarding my reading of Jacqueline Susann's Valley of the Dolls. From yesterday:

I know, I know, I'm supposed to be embarrassed about liking Valley of the Dolls. And I understand why: I'm not going to nominate Susann for a Pulitzer, you know? But I really enjoyed it, and I can tell you why. Valley of the Dolls is a feminist novel when novels weren't allowed to be feminist. Think about it: the book was published in 1966 and covers the late fifties and early sixties. At that time, were women allowed to opt out of marriages and try to make it, all alone, in the big city? Were they allowed to make more than their husbands thanks to acute business acumen? Were they allowed to admit that they (gasp!) liked sex? No.

It's not pinnacle feminist literature, obviously; it's not the equal of Atwood's The Handmaid's Tale (which, by the way, was not published until 1985, long after the first-wave feminists made their mark and literature caught up). The characters are markedly not feminists by our standards: Jennifer North sleeps her way to the top, Anne Wells is too weak-hearted to leave her cheating husband, etc. But the crux of the novel is not the typical man-written morality tale about how wicked (read: non-chaste) women get their sins punished and only after repenting are saved by a valiant man. It is about women struggling to earn better places in a patriarchal society that wants nothing more than to keep them down and punish any inch they step out of line.

         I like books with strong female characters. Not exclusively: obviously I do not limit myself to a certain type of literature, a particular version of events, a narrowly ideological view of the world expressed in any one genre of literature. But there's something to the strong female character's outlook on life being... feminist. Even if there are no words for it.
         Hundreds of years of literature came modeled on things like Richardson's Pamela. The subtitle of the novel is Virtue Rewarded, for god's sake. If girls are good, by men's standards, then despite all the terrible things that happen to them, they will survive. Chaste, quiet, clean, pretty girls will have all sorts of trials and travails, but they will still no doubt be swept up by a man and given what only a man can provide: money, status, a pathway to God. By contrast, women who don't — I think of an early example in Becky from Thackeray's Vanity Fair — will be eternally punished for sins like self-confidence and self-preservation. The moral of these morality fables is clear: women must not do anything other than mind their station.
         This was perhaps less true, or at least true in a different fashion, in 20th century America, but do you really think that in 1966, when Valley of the Dolls was published, readers weren't scandalized by Jennifer North's claim that she loved sex with her Senator boyfriend? Or Neely O'Hara's shameless interest in advocating for her own blossoming Hollywood career? Doubtful.
         You could argue that it was meant to be scandalizing, written solely to shock and without the intent of empowering women to accept their own ideas about the life of "something more." This is a perfectly fair claim, and I don't know enough about the writing of the novel to say definitively what the author's intent was. But the fact remains that at a time when women weren't societally capable of such activities without the entire town aflutter with gossip, the novel's characters forge ahead in a male-dominated industry, in male-dominated cities, under chauvinistic superiors male and female, their entire lives. Things don't magically get better; their societal problems aren't magically solved. They can't tear down the brick walls set up against them. But they still fight.
         I am not looking for feminism in everything I read, or listen to, or watch. I can read John LeCarre spy novels nearly without female characters — or, at the very least, without female characters that are more than one-dimensional, secondary support — and enjoy them. I do not subscribe to the idea that a story without women is an anti-woman story. Rather, I think that just as some stories have only female main characters, some have only male main characters. It is how those characters act that dictates my judgment of whether or not a story is anti-woman.
         I was trying to explain this to A--- today in the context of the HBO show "Entourage." I had never seen it before this summer; he and several of our friends watch the show each week, though, so I think I saw four-ish over the last couple months. It is the sort of thing that I can't enjoy, in part because of its portrayal of women. The characters are all shallow jackasses who see women only as sets of breasts and legs. The women with speaking parts are, with a few exceptions, interested only in the fame of fucking a star. There's an eyeroll-inducing amount of gratuitous boobs: meetings at strip clubs, topless pool parties, low-cut workout suits. The only female character with any depth at all, in the episodes I watched, is a bitchy career woman who we are meant to disdain for her self-centeredness and refusal to take no for an answer.
         It isn't merely that I dislike the show for its views of women; I find the plotlines kind of boring, too. It's clearly a show meant for guys, and as I told A---, there's nothing wrong with that. Shows can target only male audiences; we all know plenty of shows that target only female audiences. But the anti-woman sentiment, the objectification, the easy, palatable chauvinism that everyone seamlessly adopts — that's what I find unacceptable.
         Valley of the Dolls is fighting that. It doesn't necessarily win: let's face it, Susann is not the best writer to grace women's lit, and the plotline doesn't really zing off the page. It isn't classic literature, nor is it the sort of thing you'd teach to students, nor would it make a feminist reading list over Atwood or Woolf. But I enjoyed it. And I'm not even embarrassed.
 

278.  The words you fed me left me wanting moreID #702796 
Posted: 7-31-2010 @ 3:16 pm EDT 

What I've been reading:

*Bullet*Electoral reform and voter participation: Federal registration, a false remedy for voter apathy, Kevin P. Phillips. A very dramatic and self-important summary of the folly (hubris, perhaps?) of federal voter registration. There are many, many references to "Anglo-American voters" and "Anglo-European countries." Ever wondered what voter registration systems were like in West Germany? Yeah, me either.

*Bullet*Absentee and early voting: trends, promises, and perils, John C. Fortier. This was sort of meandering until the middle, when he actually gets into his methodology and state classification system, when suddenly everything clicked together. I am 100% certain that I will be citing this work in my thesis, and abut 80% certain that one of the variables I'll select on will be his data regarding high/low early balloting and absentee voting states. Excellent book.

*Bullet*The Accidental, Ali Smith. I found this on a list of recent Booker-nominated novels, and since it was the first on that list to be available at the Brown library (as in, not checked out or requiring a hold), I picked it up for the trip. (This is who I am, really; I think to myself, "Beach reads? Yes, I think I'll peruse the Man Booker prize nominees and then bring a few policy diffusion statistical analysis articles.") I would not recommend it. There are four main characters, who, in alternating chapters, tell the story; two of these characters, the children, are fantastic to read, their voices engaging and hilarious and their stories so intriguing that you want to go on and on, but then there are the parent chapters, which were boring and cliche (the author mom has writer's block! the professor dad's screwing his grad students!). Since there isn't a lot by way of Events (capital e: there is plot, but not Events), and since the storytelling style was experimental, the book was very hit-or-miss, chapter-by-chapter within itself. The chapters about Astrid and Magnus, the children, were great. I enjoyed them very much. The chapters about the parents (I can't even remember their names...) were lame.

*Bullet*Wireless, Charles Stross. This is a science fiction short story/novella collection. I got it on interlibrary loan specifically to read one novella, "A Colder War," which I had heard about somewhere — no one knows where anymore; it's been on my to-read-list for months — but which I couldn't really get into. It's something about Stross's writing. I can't really articulate what about him I don't like, but there's something about the way he does present tense and characterization that is so inaccessible to me. I read his works like an editor rather than a reader, and at the end of every section, my critique is the same: past tense, clearer worldbuilding, less pathetic description-only characterization.

         I would really love to read something remarkable. It's been a while since I read something that just about stopped my heart. The best thing I read this summer was Valley of the Dolls by Jacqueline Susann, which despite being too long was massively entertaining and kept me going, enthralled, the entire time. I limit myself to reading for pleasure at night — afternoons, after work, I reserve for research — and when I was reading Valley of the Dolls I couldn't wait to read it every night. I yearned to know what was next for each of the three main characters. I had to see how the 1950s would continue to knock these women down, and how they would fight back. The backdrop of glitz and glamour, New York and Hollywood sending fake sparkles across all of them, the drugs that they took just to sleep at night — it was all so real to me, despite how faraway a time and topic the book covered. Even the ending was bitterly satisfying.
         It was better than the critically acclaimed stuff I've read of late. I think when it was written, it was meant to be trashy, but it isn't. It's deeply symbolic and insightful. Can the 1950s have a period piece? It was like that, almost, so revelatory and painful and beautiful. I thought it was fantastic. I'd take it over Wolf Hall (Booker prize 2009) any day.
         Next up (got it from the library yesterday!) is William Gay's Provinces of Night. This is another acclaimed book, but a timely one: it's a Southern Gothic, the exact sort of mood I need to feel, to access, to live and revel in, so I can write a novella to go with Vampyr14 's and Ariana 's. I'm going to start Provinces tonight. I hope it's the sort of engrossing novel I'd like to lose myself in right about now. If not... I suppose there's thirty more on my list.

"Books!" she cried. "More!" she cried. "More, more, more!"
277.  avowalID #702638 
Posted: 7-29-2010 @ 11:02 pm EDT 

         Jeffrey Eugenides wrote a story about kids at Brown: http://www.newyorker.com/fiction/features/2010/06/07/100607fi_fiction_eugenides:...
         It's good. Not fantastic, but good. (Too many bodily fluid conversations for it to be fantastic.) Mostly I just liked the things that were specific to Brown — all the details, like Health Services and the Blue Room, that made me think, oh hey it's Brown. I am easily amused, I think.
         Eugenides wrote a novel called Middlesex which is supposed to be very good, according to a couple people whose opinions on literature I trust and several people whose opinions I don't. It's on my list of books to read, a constantly-growing list kept on four e-sticky notes on my laptop dashboard. I'll get to it someday soon, I'm sure. Today at the library I got The Rachel Papers (Martin Amis) and Provinces of Night (William Gay). They'll be better than the other things I've been reading lately. (Entry on this to come tomorrow.)
         The Eugenides:

Once the first avowal has been made, “I love you” has no meaning whatever.

         It's a quote from some semiotics textbook or something — I don't know because I study something that will get me a job *Laugh* — and I want to know what it really means, and who wrote it. Derrida? Foucault? Depressing, I think, even for a literary fiction story.
         Also I kept giggling the entire time I read it because the love interest in the story has the same name as A---'s dad, and every pretentious-bullshit-semiotic thing that character said I imagined in the context of A---'s dad, and oh, it was hilarious.
 

276.  the world more beautifulID #702413 
Posted: 7-27-2010 @ 1:05 am EDT 

         The vacation was great. Really, really great. Relaxing and fun and enjoyable all the way around. All but two days we had beautiful weather (well, they thought it was too hot, as you might imagine, but I thought it was perfect beach weather) and those days we holed up with tea and cookies and movies and games. I have only the smallest of sunburns, a weird line of it across my right calf where I fell asleep partially shaded, which for a girl as pale as I am is quite the feat. (A---'s Italian family didn't seem to believe me when I said that yes, I needed the 50 SPF, and yes, I needed it every three hours. But I don't go for being tanned, anyway; I'll take a hint of a shade darker on my legs and stomach, maybe, but not on my arms or neck or face. I wear sunscreen every day to prevent sun damage on my hands and face. I know, I know, poor whitey.)
         Anyway, we had a great time. The house was packed — it was A--- and I, his brother and sister, his dad and stepmother, his stepbrother, his stepsister and her husband and baby, and his aunt and uncle — but we made it work. Slept in each morning, swam and lounged each afternoon, grilled just about every night, watched movies and played A---'s favorite game, Dominion, each evening. One night I made dinner for everyone, my cod provencal, which I think is A---'s very favorite of my recipes. His family was impressed, and I was so so relieved that they liked it. (His stepmother even asked for the recipe. This made up for the fact that at one point in the trip I saw her thong riding up over her pants. Eek.)
         I did some reading, which I will discuss in more depth tomorrow, but otherwise, I haven't much to report. My life is so different now: whenever I have something to say (read: complain about or puzzle over) I just say it to him. He usually cares about the things I say. It is so weird. What an amazing feeling, though, to have someone listen.
         Every once in a while I catch a side glance of him smiling at me and I wonder if he knows that he is 50% of the reason that I'm okay now. That suffocating hole of listlessness from the winter and spring — I hesitate to call it depression because I don't want to trap myself with that word, even though I thought at the time, and am sure reading over my entries from then now, that it was — has disappeared. Things were terrible then, unfixable because they were undiagnosable, the lack of forward motion completely arresting. I was stuck. He (and my thesis) unstuck me.
 


275.  breakfast in the cityID #701800 
Posted: 7-18-2010 @ 10:09 am EDT 

         That's what we're doing: breakfast in the city. A---'s aunt and uncle, who are hilarious company, are taking us to their favorite breakfast place in The Village. It's so funny when they talk about things like this because it is almost a cliche, calling New York City always "the city" and going down to "my favorite little place in The Village." It's adorable. I don't do it — can't, really — but sometimes it catches me off-guard and I think, what if I stay here and start talking like this?
         (It makes me think about cultural exploitation, which is a larger part of the reason I won't do it than the unnaturalness of it on my tongue. Twice I've slipped up and noticed immediately and felt embarrassed, but A--- is so used to people saying these things he didn't bat an eye. I'm equally sure that if I said in conversation, "Well, we all know that axiom has been proven false by the experimentally unverifiable aspect of Yang-Mills theory," he would be equally unfazed, despite the fact that upon reflection he'd know I just threw those words together from things he's said to me and have no idea what it would mean. I could maybe throw in a tachyon and imaginary mass in there, too, just for kicks.)
         I am not really a city girl, seeing as I had been to New York once ever before A---, but I do love breakfast.

         My short story "Rifles" was accepted by the Cup of Joe Flash Fiction anthology (http://sites.google.com/a/wickedeastpress.com/wicked-east-press/open-submissions...) so that was incredibly exciting. When I get back from vacation next Monday I have to send in a paper-copy contract and everything. No money, just a bound anthology for my hot little hands. I am super excited. It was exactly what I needed to reenergize for submitting this summer.
 


274.  well, probably.ID #697404 
Posted: 5-26-2010 @ 3:16 pm EDT 

I bet your latest rejection letter wasn't this bad: http://www.nerve.com/photo-features/we-regret-to-inform-you?page=5

Well, hopefully.
 


273.  We fight so frail, making love tooth and nailID #697166 
Posted: 5-24-2010 @ 7:25 pm EDT 
Edited: 5-24-2010 @ 7:31 pm EDT 

         This is really funny, though kind of sad: http://www.pcworld.com/article/185324/facebooks_other_top_trend_of_2009_divorce....
         "Facebook is cited in one out of every five divorce petitions, according to some new research published this week. ... The research comes by way of a British divorce center called Divorce-Online (a convenient concept, no?). According to the Telegraph, the center claims about 20 percent of all divorce documents include some type of reference to Facebook."
         Being Facebook-free, I have no direct knowledge of this, but I can imagine it. Apparently it is perfectly socially acceptable to say things like this now -- we had to get divorced because he friended his high school girlfriend on Facebook or he didn't water my plants for me on Farmville.
         Oddly enough, just yesterday, my younger brother asked me why I had never friended him on Facebook. I just looked at him blankly and finally said, "I don't have a Facebook." Even high school kids think I'm a Luddite now. Fantastic.
         (Of course, the real reason is simply because I don't want him to see all the photographic evidence of my drunken debauchery... Ha. Not.)
         Apparently this is a real issue, though. Several of my friends have complained, at one time or another, about their parents' insistence on being Facebook friends with them. (Of the like three episodes of South Park I've seen, the recent one about parents and kids being Facebook friends was the only really funny one.) It's tricky: you don't want to offend them, but you don't want them to know what you're really like, either. Not that this is a new thing, but it's harder to keep secrets online. A large part of this is just stupidity (I'm sure you've all seen this

) but there's a whole new snooping element to deal with.
         But according to this article, parents are the same way. Carrying on illicit affairs, telling secrets, engaging in midnight "pokes"...it's a wonder anyone stays married when there's Internet.

Edited to add...
         I do love the Internet, though. It let me videochat with A--- for three hours yesterday. Not that seeing him on the screen made me miss him any less — it didn't help at all, and in fact maybe made it a little worse — but it was so nice. Three hours on Skype after three on IM and we still had things to talk about. How strange.
         I almost feel a little cheated that the beginning of our relationship, the best part probably, is being spent apart. But we sort of had a real beginning, in secret, and then a break, and then in June will be the real non-secret beginning and everything will be okay. He makes me happy. That's so weird to say. But I'm happy with him, much as I miss him right now. He misses me too. It's amazing. How does it ever happen that two people feel the same way about each other at the same time? It seems impossible. But then it happens, and you think to yourself, god, Galinago was right all along.
 

272.  exam + paperID #696494 
Posted: 5-17-2010 @ 12:09 pm EDT 

Both, today. But then once they're both over it's summer, really summer, and I'll finally have all the things I've been neglecting, like you guys. (Also myself.)

Wish me luck *Heart*
 


271.  Kicking Ass AnywayID #695619 
Posted: 5-8-2010 @ 9:30 pm EDT 

         Since Hungover-and-going-back-out-tonight Lorien is probably not the person you want to tell you about "academic literary," I'll answer the request and present to you my "I am awesome so fuck you" iTunes playlist, which is titled "Kicking Ass Anyway." If you have comments or further suggestions, they are certainly welcome.

"What If," Meg & Dia
"Hand in Hand," Elvis Costello
"Just Tonight," Jimmy Eat World
"No Action," Elvis Costello
"Come Round Soon," Sara Bareilles
"Hop A Plane," Tegan & Sara
"Tear Off Your Own Head (Doll Revolution)" Elvis Costello
"I Hope You're Happy Now," Elvis Costello
"Goodnight Goodnight," Hot Hot Heat
"Indiana," Meg & Dia
"Don't Save Me," Marit Larsen
"Планета Любовь," Дискотека Авария
"Nothing Wrong," Jimmy Eat World
"Lip Service," Elvis Costello
"1492," Counting Crows
"I'm Not Angry," Elvis Costello
"If It Makes You Happy," Sheryl Crow
"Breakdown," Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
"Gone," Ben Folds
"Listen to Her Heart," Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
"All The Rage," Elvis Costello
"Self-Centered," Bowling for Soup
"Now That It's Over," Everclear
"Hug Me," Meg & Dia
"Blue Chair," Elvis Costello
"Who Will You Run To," Heart
"Get It Faster," Jimmy Eat World
"I Wish You Well," Letters to Cleo
"Scar," Missy Higgins
"Merry Happy," Kate Nash
"A Bigger Mood," American Hi-Fi
"Since U Been Gone," Kelly Clarkson
"Stop," Matchbox 20
"Leave Me Alone," Natalie Imbruglia
"Love Song," Sara Bareilles
"Scar," American Hi-Fi
"Bleed," Anna Nalick
"I Won't Back Down," Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
"Agree to Disagree," Meg & Dia
"Не Пара," Потап и Настя Каменских
"Smoke From A Distant Fire," Sanford & Townsend
"Do You Sleep?" Lisa Loeb
 


270.  breakdown: go ahead and give it to meID #695360 
Posted: 5-6-2010 @ 3:19 am EDT 

Word Vomit Rating: 3/5. Probably don't bother -- this isn't the interesting, insightful entry you're hoping for. Unless you really love Elvis Costello. But even then.

         The real entry, on "literary," is still coming for tomorrow (today), but it's 2:50 and I'm not close to tired yet, so I wonder if I need something to say. Six hours of sleep last night and I'm wired on stairs (did the laundry, so up and down a bunch of times) and my Kicking Ass Anyway playlist, but not the way where you absorb anything you read, so it's a lost cause as far as thesis research goes. You understand.
         I feel like everyone needs a "I am awesome so fuck you" playlist. I didn't even know how sorely my life was lacking one until I made Kicking Ass Anyway last week. With my moods so fragile as they are, it's perfect. It always works. I am awesome anyway.
         I wish people understood music in the same way I did. This is the drawback of having that weirdo mind that doesn't resemble others': you're stuck not having anyone understand. I wanted to explain this to E--- on Sunday, when he came crying back, and I had the ideas for it and everything; I wanted him to see but I couldn't even begin. He will never understand. Even now, when he's so certain that everything would be fixed if we could just get back together, and he needs me, and he wants me, and it will be different. Different. Which is a lie -- or, if not a lie, at least a dream of a life that wouldn't pan out. But even if it did, what's the point? He doesn't know that he's living in "Hate It Here," but he could be living in "Smoke From A Distant Fire," which would be worse.
         He would understand if he listened or he read, but he doesn't. And I won't change that. I can't. It isn't who he is.
         This is not to say that A--- is any better. It would be the same, really, because he's even more illiterate and hates arts-applied, because it isn't serious and it isn't science. This is A--- in the world. Inside he wants to play guitar and read Isaac Asimov, but this is not something people other than yours truly really know. I can keep his secret, but only because we agree on Tom Petty (plus Asimov, of course, as an aside), and also the three or so Elvis Costello songs he's heard. (Twice now he's tried to talk to me about Elvis Costello. Puh-leaze. If you haven't heard much beyond "Alison" and "Watching the Detectives," don't try to tell me about him.)
         This is what happened: we were sitting in my room when "Alison," the cool live version on the second disc of Armed Forces, came on my iTunes. "What do you think is Elvis Costello's most famous song?" he asked me.
         "'Alison'," I replied. "Obviously."
         "Yes," he agreed, "and then probably 'Watching the Detectives'."
         I raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, probably. And 'Less Than Zero' was pretty popular when he released an American version, and 'Radio Radio' when he played on SNL."
         Then "Oliver's Army" came on my iTunes. "Oh, I've heard this before," he said.
         "It's Costello, too."
         He listened another moment. "Who's Oliver?"
         Oh, A---, you do not win this round. "Cromwell," I told him.
         He looked to the door — the coast was clear — and laughed and kissed me. "You just have the answer for everything."
         I did not tell him, of course, that I do. That I know our not-relationship is part "Sneaky Feelings" and part "Still Too Soon To Know" and part "Forgive Her Anything" (me) and part "King of Confidence" (him) and part "Everyday I Write The Book" (because every relationship in the entire world is part "Everyday I Write The Book"). Part "You Belong To Me," but the point of it being that I don't ("No, I don't want anybody/Saying 'you belong to me, you belong to me'.") rather than that I do; it's a distinction lost on everyone except Costello and myself, I worry. Part "Lipstick Vogue," but he doesn't need to know I'm that cynical. Part "Talking in the Dark," ending the same way. Part "I Turn Around," because we're happy, even.
         But not "Let Them All Talk," because it's a secret, and I'll never tell. That's how we end up with days like today, where he carries my laundry downstairs at 11:00 and goes to bed without saying goodnight at 2:00. It is neighbor-dependent, because we can't tell them. Not that there's anything to tell. This is meant to be easy and interim. This is meant to be "Brilliant Mistake," then when it's over, "The Birds Will Still Be Singing." Nothing more.
         See? This is what I don't say to him. A--- likes Tom Petty better anyway.

I'm not afraid of you running away honey I get the feeling you won't
 



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