What a clever title. I also like the concept of this poem. Way to use the brain!!!
It has a good message. However, I think it would be easier to read if the words were typed in a bigger font, and they were centered on the page. I know you want to maintain the 'shape of the poem, but, I think a little bigger(that's an oxymoron) font would fit.
This is a nice little song for the 4-7 age group you are targeting. Beginning with the chorus is a good introduction for the song. It isn't indicated as such, but I am assuming the chorus is to be sung again at the end.
Okay!!! This is superb! I have seen and appreciated imagery, but this is the best I've ever seen!
I usually get bored with 'stuff' that isn't poetry. Not with this!! Your creative juices worked overtime on this one.!!! There aren't enough exclamation marks to emphasize my admiration for this piece!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good morning Melizabeth, What an excellent reminder of God's choosing His best for us. And a reminder as well of our choice to accept what He offers. The last line is perfect. 'But for His love'. Without it where would we be?!!
I see no errors in spelling or grammar. The poem reads smoothly throughout.
Thank you for creating and sharing this a few years ago so I can enjoy it today. Nancy
Oh, this is wonderful. I think you have expressed what many feel; the unworthiness, the uselessness, the broken spirit. And yet at the end you have the perfect solution. "But just resting in you, is enough".
I didn't notice any grammatical or spelling errors.
Hello, welcome to Writing.Com. Hope you feel right at home.
This piece is filled with despair. You did a good job of getting that feeling across to the reader. I hope the despair is no longer with you!
The rhyming and rhythm are very good. There is one small typo. In line 16 you typed the letter 'e' in the word 'slowely' It should be spelled 'slowly'.
This is also my desire. I love the first lines: "May I be so in sync with God, To hear his every call." That is my relationship with Him.
The line I just mentioned needs a little fixing to sound right(at least to my ear). The use of the word 'to' in the second line is bothersome to me. It doesn't feel like a complete sentence. My suggestion:'May I be so in sync with God, That I hear his every call'. Again, this is just one person's opinion.
The rhythm in the last two verses is a little off. There seem to be too many syllables in some of the lines. Example: third verse, second line; I might take out the word 'much'. Or maybe change 'attempting' to 'trying'.
I totally identify with what you are saying in this piece. The ending line is good. We should always share the good things about our Lord.
Hi again, now this sounds like good poetry. You said what you wanted to say in a poetic manner. You are getting real handle on this.
You wrote good 'stuff'. You truly don't have to fear day and night, because when God makes a promise, He keeps it. He said He win't let you fall, and He won't.
Good writing. Nancy
Hey Momo, you do such a good job of telling what is inside your heart. There are still a few grammatical spots to work on, but that is okay. It seems this is good therapy for you, as it is for us all. It is sometimes good to write out things we cannot say out loud.
Your writing is improving. Your grammar sounds much better than piece number two that I reviewed.
You are right to just pray for your family now. Living silently the way God wants you to will show them what He is all about. I'll pray for you and them.
As I said this piece shows improvement. Keep writing!
Nancy
Hi, This is the second of your pieces I am reading. This one, like the first, does a good job of showing your feelings. This one needs a little more grammar work. For example the line-- 'I always wondered how it be like if I died' needs to be revised. 'I always wondered what it would be like if I died.'-- and 'could of' should be 'could have'.
You have made a good start. I'm glad you are writing. Keep working to improve. That is always my goal, to improve my writing. Nancy
Hi there, Glad to have you here on Wdc. I will be reviewing you portfolio.
This is a good place to start. You explain a lot in this piece. Pouring out your heart is often good for the soul. Giving the problems to God to work out for you is also good for the soul.
The rhyming loosely follows a pattern, but with the subject matter, form and poetic rules don't really matter. You wrote what you feel, and feelings don't follow rules.
Hi, this is a good piece! It brings to mind my own children. They left colorful images on my heart. And as you stated the colors may be fading, but the voices echo.
Hello, This isn't my usual genre preference, but have set reading and reviewing 'out-of-my-comfort-zone' pieces as one of my goals for this year.
I don't mind this one at all. I got into the spirit of the work. You managed to keep my attention. I tend to stop reading pieces of this type after the first few lines. I thought the twist at the end was creative.
I saw no errors. I almost enjoyed this, and that is saying a lot for me! Nancy
Hello, This is a nice poem about the earthly angels we find around us. There are those few who just seem to always be giving to others.
There are a couple places that need to be fixed. In the second line the word 'whale' should be spelled 'wail'. In the 4th verse you used a word I'm not sure of; 'urning' Did you mean 'yearning'? In the last verse I don't think you need the apostrophe in the word 'its'. The meaning with an apostrophe is the contraction for 'it is'. The instance in the poem shows ownership.
I like the use of the word 'earthen' to describe these extaordinary people.
Hi Maggie, Yes, I do have Ireland in my heart. I've never been there, but can feel it's pull through my ancestory. I have other nationalities in my blood(English, Scottish, Welsh, and German) but it seems to be the Celts that are deep within my soul.
I enjoyed your poetry. It touched that hard to reach spot in my soul. Good job! Nancy
Oh, Chuck! How can you know this? What an extraordinary piece of writng! It reaches right in and touches the soul! I was almost in tears! You are an excellent writer!
There is nothing that can be improved upon and nothing more to say! Nancy
Hi This is a good description. I myself don't have ADHD, but have worked with kids who do. This describes what I have observed to a T.
The mechanics are good and the rhythm is good.
I would like to apologize for my review of your poem on religion. I should have stated my opinion in a less offensive manner. I have been upset with myself since I wrote it.
You do a good job of getting your point across. I think you are correct in saying that it is too complex for us to grasp.
Your final statement summarizes perfectly. I am a faithful believer, (Jesus is #1 in my life), and have felt as you, that however our existence began,it was by the hand of God.
There is one typo you need to fix in the last full paragraph. You typed '..to base it own.' instead of 'on'.
I'm glad you became a member of the WDC family.
Good writing! Nancy
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