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571 Public Reviews Given
586 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to give comprehensive reviews.
I'm good at...
I like reviewing poetry and short stories.
Favorite Item Types
I really love structured poems with good rhythm and rhyme.
Least Favorite Item Types
I don't enjoy reading long stories riddled with grammar or spelling mistakes because these distract me.
I will not review...
If I don't enjoy reading it on some level, then I won't review it. So if you got a review from me, even one with a low rating, I enjoyed the read.
Public Reviews
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Review of Rigged  Open in new Window.
Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Ccatholic isn't spelled well. Same with triaail. You can find these by searching your text as I just copied and pasted your spelling here. In children1, the purpose of the 1 is unclear. If it is a footnote, it needs to be formatted.

"the office culture is problem" -- capital T.

Your 7th footnote needs to be formatted into tiny font to match 1 to 6.

Great writing, interesting read.


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Review of I Need Him  Open in new Window.
Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
You've written a deeply personal piece set in religious form of expression. As compelling as the narrative is, what surprises me is how different it is from other compelling narratives on the same topic.

Your main character changed from the dialogue, after approaching a point of no return. Maybe you mean "bewildered" instead of "bewildering".


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Review of The Dream  Open in new Window.
Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Your poem tells a nice, little love story with a surprising ending. The hawk would take on more meaning if it is introduced earlier in the poem. You set a syllabic pattern and break the pattern well. However, your ending leaves questions. Is the hawk's kill supposed to symbolize something that will happen in the relationship?


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Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Thank you for this casual yet complete description of how you review, and what you review. I used to have a review template I made in my folder, but I deleted it years ago when the review tool was made. Your work is reminding me that maybe I should organize my own review framework again.

I believe in putting images on items because we can and because the available space looks empty without an image.

You have an Invalid Item that's not available - something you awarded long ago. That should be updated.


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Review of Learning to Swim  Open in new Window.
Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
You wrote such a sad, surprising ending to your story. I was surprised.

I think the lines
- "“You need to join us, while you can. Soon the kids will be back.”
- Mary dried off and laid in the shade."
need a paragraph break in between them.

You've written a good story and your writing pulled me in.


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Review of Promise From Pain  Open in new Window.
Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
Your poem fills readers with hope for a better future and a bright tomorrow. Personally, I don't like the heavy alliteration as I found it distracts from the meaning in your poem. Is there a reason you chose the letter Pp?


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Review of Nosedive No More  Open in new Window.
Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like your story. I wasn't going to read something this long but your writing pulled me in.

""Ow, my ear! I think there's a hole in it," complained hopper." Capitalize Hopper. Also two lines later in "I'm sorry hopper". You could do a ctrl-F search for "hopper" if you are writing in Word or something similar.

I think Nosedive apologizes too often. Twice is enough and then the story needs to move on.

"Let's take a brake and try again tomorrow," -- break, is the right spelling.

Your story develops and ends well. You should send it to a publisher as you are wanting to do.





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Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Your poem has a good format without grammar or spelling distractions. The topic you cover is the contemporary issue that those who rely on force and vapidity to meet their needs are required to confront. Those ones are increasingly required to talk to sensible ones, thus we learn from such talks, the followers of King Silas say we who make sense want to be tyrants to them, which is false, yet they are so scared of their hell they imagine and feel so angry hearing us say what they imagine is false and we do not want to be their tyrants, they yell instead of talk and won't listen, so they do not yet know that after decades of their fear, anger and pleas for pity while they suffer delusions, we are still waiting for a sensible conversation to be allowed to start, and we are still waiting for them to understand we do not want to be their keepers. Normal people cut through all of those issues in a simple, straightforward conversation taking 4 to 6 hours, calmly showing evidence. The core problem is childish king silly-Silas is scared he will be irrelevant unless he is always unproductive and only fighting. Why not seek a normal solution instead? What motivates the silly-Silas types to feel angst, fear and rage in response to the request to be normal instead of being vapid thugs begging for pity and abusing anger to threaten harm?


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Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
I'll ignore the repeated  in your text which I trust some technology inserted for you without your informed permission. Sure, letting the people vent anger online where agencies, police and anyone can read it is one of the best ideas of the people, right? After all, that's the purpose of freedom of expression. Never try to solve the problems that are making anyone feel angry, never think about it. The people problem you describe was exactly the same throughout the 1970s and 1980s. Those people that ruin relations have a recipe for it. Always be violent, rude, run away from and try to kill hints of intelligence, never have an idea, run away from conversation, reject winning in order to lose and blame the blasphemy of winning on random organs since all organs do the same thing, invite people to you in order to lock people outside, invite people going up to go down and feign dyslexia, and force all competent people to wait until all the incompetent people try first. The solution is technology. The problem is what we call culture and ethnicity.


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Review of LOVE IS SACRED  Open in new Window.
Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Grammar first: a dad is anyone, with lowercase D, however the name Dad refers to one specific one, with uppercase D. Also, the comma goes inside the quotes, 'Like that,' he said. The experience of love you expose is what people do and is not love. Animals love with loyalty without the idea of the possibility of betrayal. The relation is, thus builds up, else ain't. We fell from grace thousands of years ago as everyone knows, and that happens when individuals choose to be antithetical to life on Earth, such as by betraying.


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Review of The Infinite Blue  Open in new Window.
Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.0)
Double space paragraphs to make reading easier for readers. You write as though course in Physics and mathematics might interest you since you use words familiar to us in the discipline, however, you are changing the definitions randomly and writing of nonsense, which is okay when in a Dr Seuss type of story. The sun sets in the west, rises in the east. No mystery.


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Review of The River  Open in new Window.
Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Your poem has no distractions and shows the confusion many people feel, showing it clearly enough so a reader far away from that can empathize. Binary logic has many errors. The way the people who believe in binary logic are trained is done in a rigorous variation of army boot camp. The physical exercises are merely pushing pencil on paper, or typing on a computer. It looks nonviolent. However, the definition of if is so extremely wrong, many students feel perplexed and wonder about it every year. The way the boot camp training happens is the graders and professors gang up in Appeal to Force, Bandwagon, and Appeal to Authority, which are three fallacies we students are told to reject in anyone else and if we reject our logic professors fallacies during boot camp then we get low grades and accused of not understanding and the corrupt senate believes the corrupt professors and the corrupt board of governors believes the
corrupt senate. So in the boot camp phase of the making of a high speed, accurate logician whose only competitor is a computer, the logician is systematically abused at high speed, with computer accuracy, into believing the binary logic religion and believing in the prejudice that allows logicians to make fallacies yet denies everyone else the same liberty to err. I am as strong as Alan Turing although female, this is how I was trained. In left v right, per your poem, binary works as Aristotle, not Boole, intended. In something versus unknown emptiness, the zero type error lets system abuse and system errors happen. Thus I tell people to say something instead of nothing. The other part of the war against me, misled by Keith Johnson, called left to confuse people who care, is really a sea of chaos, confusion and misdirections aimed to reduce the population rather than aimed to reduce the eco footprint, since that side's every utterance is all wrong all the way through, ostensibly to give me something to correct for money, however really identified by governments as information terrorism, and the sick sex obsession they force dominate into every topic is part of how they tried to dominate me, a female mathematical logician. The right cares for the living beings including good people and the left is lying, so the real is not as balanced as your poem indicates.


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Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
What happened? Talk to people of what was done. The experience your poem describes was forced on me, too, although I am generous, patriotic, law abiding, the strongest mathematical logician, and female. I will ask you what the skeptics ask me when I was forced to participate in a six year torture campaign called a public trial, without charges, without legal guides. Those attackers, self-called skeptics, asked me what I did wrong to invite abuse from self-willed stupid, prejudiced wannabe slave owners and attempted murderers. I did, and do, everything right. I am glad you are showing your experience and perspective on a predominantly American, increasingly international, site. The self-called skeptics find failed murder attempts to call that dirt against the victim, then ask the victim to explain the dirt to people and police feigning inability to understand what attempted murder is. Maybe what I was required to suffer can make the way forward for Afghans easier to bear. Write on.
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Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Thanks for a story reminiscent of Spartan and Athenian culture, giving people some insight into what may have been happening when people started talking about slavery, democracy and voting. The best warrior reduces all the enemies to rubbish without losing himself or herself, without missing an enemy, and without losing resources in squabbles. Your story describes the way conflicts used to be, back when conflicts were expressed among those that always only talk with fists, unless they are cowards running away from the conversations their own behaviour demans they have. Leonardo da Vinci saw the difference in us, studied it attentively and painted it clearly, showing some individuals communicate only in their muscles flexing and expressing such extremely limited awareness, it is their attention deficit that would lobotomize every one attempting communication with them; whereas some da Vinci paints as having an communicating subtle, gentle, informed and enlightened minds, aware of communication with nature, aware of what may and what cannot. Your Miles Kassius character happens from the culture of fists yet to have died by killing half his foe, he was smart enough to start adapting into the culture of languaged enlightenment without vapidity. The Chinese also have a famous warrior who used to fight, winning some, and then stopped putting resources into fighting in ways which win every battle at full victory without loss. Maybe, if you write a second chapter, Miles' kids will learn the ways of absolute victory.
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Review of Under Her Wing  Open in new Window.
Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
My parents excommunicated me by 1974 when I asked what a negative spoon is, to add to a spoon to make zero spoons, when I was teaching myself subtraction from an arithmetic book I was reading. Chinese children and parents in Beijing talk with me easily, we have interesting conversations. So my parents could have talked with me yet did not. I was isolated from goodness and beat down upon by badness by 1977. I started writing governments regarding policy decisions in 1979. I found what algorithms work for mathematical unification in the early 1990s deliberately, since I was reading for it. I do not like saving people. Autonomous entities in communities work best. I was born in 1970. Real life is not as you write, with an unknown person surrounded by a country Canada all feigning innocence, with results in mathematics, physics, chemistry, economics happening by accident or not having been what is supposed to have happened. Real life is we, I belong to the animal kingdom per Canadian excommunication by criminals calling themselves lawyers, we died alive for sensibility forcibly entering people so we might live our real lives together while we are alive. Your writing got your message through however your valid, real informed perception of the world is a report of a mirage made by liars trying to confuse them, and some of that mirage you write was originally painted into the world by the FSB in Russia in 2013, which maybe you did not yet know and want to know.
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Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
You write a clear snapshot of life in modern poetic format without spelling or grammar errors to distract. I do not know whose experience you write from or about. You portray a sad life, so sad, it probably was not made by the living being inside, and probably was externally imposed by hatred from outside the living being. I teach English students in Beijing to switch inside away from that negative induction outside, to focus on positives they create. Some can do and grab the idea and run with it, implementing many positive ideas. However, some keep trying, and day after day have only sad and only harmful ideas designed only for making all experiences be hell on Earth, stealing life. Each is the way each is. I do not know you, however, I know the writing prompt 'Say it in a positive way with nourishing ideas and events' will show us who you are.
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Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Thanks for writing a perfect snapshot of Canadian culture, sensibility, prioritization methods, decision algorithms and ways of relating. No grammar or spelling errors distracted me and your funny story had me in the scene reliving every shudder-inspiring moment of that communication environment.
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Review of Darkness  Open in new Window.
Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Red black, blue black and yellow white form a clock oscillating together, harmonic. The red black produces the outer shell, the blue black produces the spinal vertebraic sheaths through the shell interior, the yellow whites lashes out never a willing victim and never free, slicing perpendicular into the blue black spines sliced perpendicularly into the red black shell's heart of darkness. The yellow white is the star we see, this time for responsible liberty.

Good writing on a fashionable topic. Be careful of 'you' versus 'your' in your spelling.
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Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)

*Smile* *Balloon2* *Flower2* *Balloon5* *Flower6* *Balloon5* *Flower2* *Balloon2* *Smile*
*Bigsmile* Empathetic narration! *Bigsmile*
*Delight* *Balloon2* *Flower2* *Balloon5* *Flower6* *Balloon5* *Flower2* *Balloon2* *Delight*


Flowered or underlined subjects have a rating out of five *Star*s.

*Flower6*Overall Impression*Flower6*

5 *Star* : I was captivated. I felt welcomed into your story. I believe this could be published.

*Flower1* Outer Wrapping (aka: Cover) *Flower1*

4 *Star* : The Item Type, Genre, Content Ratings, Title and Description make sense, but they don’t push the item into my reader-space. You could change Static Item > Other > Contest to a Fiction classification you prefer.

*Flower2*Form (Grammar, Spelling, Typos, Language)*Flower2*

5*Star* : I found nothing distracted me!

*Flower3*Style (Theme, Plot, Layout, Character Development) *Flower3*

4 *Star* : You show some original thinking. The most common form of False Dichotomy happens when a life situation is interpreted as planar while real life happens in R^n [Euclidean n-dimensional space]. A different dishonesty happens via false statements or brute force merely cutting off all except for two bad options. Left vs Right is often a False dichotomous presentation of real life -- true also in arithmetic. For example, China is rising, lead by Hong Kong -- some who believe in economic incorrect arithmetic algorithms could fear we must therefore fall due to the false notion that "good for A = bad for B". Economists have some followere who believe that 2=0. Reality includes our global financial recovery together via finite state machines -- which I mention to introduce some hint of into which realities the electrocuted boy in your story could have gone. The story you wrote has the potential to explain mathematically informed real life to the general population via the appeal of a really good story. You have talent.

*Flower4*Content (The quality of information conveyed)*Flower4*

5*Star* : I could recommend this to publishers with confidence. I recommend introducing your work to Joe Ephraim http://newyorkertimes.com/freelancejoe/ who is forming a team of writers for the New Yorker Times. Some of us review or publish fiction, although I work exclusively with factual information.

Star Total: 5 + 4 + 5 + 4 + 5 = 23
Averaged: 23/5 = 4.6
Rated: 4.5

Write on!
貞


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Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)



*Smile* *Balloon2* *Flower2* *Balloon5* *Flower6* *Balloon5* *Flower2* *Balloon2* *Smile*
*Bigsmile* You made me smile during a difficult moment. *Bigsmile*
*Delight* *Balloon2* *Flower2* *Balloon5* *Flower6* *Balloon5* *Flower2* *Balloon2* *Delight*


What I love most about this item is your sense of humour.

All flowered and underlined subjects are given a rating out of five *Star*s.

*Flower6*Overall Impression*Flower6*

5 *Star* : I was completely captivated and I felt welcomed into your world.

I would like to read your poem to students at Simon Fraser University who are interested in learning to write poetry. Please let me know if I have your consent to do so.

*Flower1* Outer Wrapping (aka: Cover) *Flower1*

5 *Star* : The Static Item Type is appropriate. The Genre is appropriate. The Introduction Content Rating is appropriate. The Body Content Rating is appropriate. The Title sells the piece. The Brief Description sells the piece.

*Flower2*Form (Grammar, Spelling, Typos, Language)*Flower2*

4 *Star* : Very little distracted me and I enjoyed your writing. The few typos I found are:
*Note1* “as your partake in a poetry trip.” – as you partake
*Note2* “If my secret, it get's out, ” – it gets out
*Note3* “(the thought, of it, it makes me sick) ” – the thought of it (remove comma)

*Flower3*Style (Theme, Plot, Layout, Character Development) *Flower3*

Good structure keeps the piece clean and easy to read. Sentences flow, paragraphs tell miniature stories (they have a beginning, a middle and an end); and the flow of paragraphs actively moves toward an end.

4 *Star* : You show some original style in this poem. It’s easy for me to take part if I want to.

*Flower4*Content (The quality of information disseminated)*Flower4*

Does your work move its type ~ (what it is) ~ to a new level? If not, how close does it get?

4 *Star* : I can recommend this work to other with confidence since it is reasonably clear and concise.

*Balloon1* Please use {xlink:} to link us to the info page on John P. Sousa that you think is most relevant for your readers to see.

*Balloon2* Shakespeare wrote in his sonnets about the economics of being the source of inspiration, and got quite to the point when stating that if the source of inspiration exists outside our ecosystem (like the Orion Nebula) then it's okay to keep it out of our economy, but when the source exists inside our ecosystem then excluding it from our economy is the same as theft, and depending on the strength of exclusion, murder. Reference: sonnet starting with "Whilst I alone did call upon thy aid...  Open in new Window.".

*Flower5*Poetry*Flower5*

4*Star* : Your poem flows nicely and I was seldom distracted or left wondering what you meant or what rhythm I was supposed to feel. You have paid good attention to the composition of words.

Star Total: 5 + 5 + 4 + 4 + 4 + 4 = 26
Averaged: 26 / 6 = 4.3
Rated:4.5

Write on!

貞
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Review of Writer's Block  Open in new Window.
Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Reading* Hello Outasync Author Icon *Reading*



*Smile* *Balloon2* *Flower2* *Balloon5* *Flower6* *Balloon5* *Flower2* *Balloon2* *Smile*
*Bigsmile* Well done - your pun made me laugh. *Bigsmile*
*Delight* *Balloon2* *Flower2* *Balloon5* *Flower6* *Balloon5* *Flower2* *Balloon2* *Delight*


What I love most about this item is the way the ending sneaked up on me.

*Flower6*Overall Impression*Flower6*

4.5 *Star* : I felt welcomed into your world. I believe this is well worth sharing with other people.

*Flower1* Outer Wrapping (aka: Cover) *Flower1*

5 *Star* : The Static Item Type is appropriate. The Genre is appropriate. The Introduction Content Rating is appropriate. The Body Content Rating is appropriate. The Title sells the piece. The Brief Description sells the piece.

*Flower2*Form (Grammar, Spelling, Typos, Language)*Flower2*

5*Star* : I found nothing to distract me! I was never confused nor did I need to reread to catch your meaning. Your writing carried me on a journey you designed from beginning to end.

*Flower3*Style (Theme, Plot, Layout, Character Development) *Flower3*

Good structure keeps the piece clean and easy to read. Sentences flow, stanzas tell miniature stories (they have a beginning, a middle and an end); and the flow of paragraphs actively moves toward an end.

4.5 *Star* : Your thoughts are well organized and highly developed.

*Flower4*Content (The quality of information disseminated)*Flower4*

Does your work move its type ~ (what it is) ~ to a new level? If not, how close does it get?

4.5*Star* : I would recommend this to others with confidence. Your writing carried me.

*Flower5*Poetry*Flower5*

4.75*Star* : Your poem is true to life experience. Visually, it is clean, offering no distractions from the experience of your poem; I almost felt like I was there. The punctuation (or lack) provided a clear, intentional rhythm.

Star Total: 4.5 + 5.0 + 5.0 + 4.5 + 4.5 + 4.75 = 28.25
Averaged: 4.71
Rated: 5.0

Write on!

In Friendship,
貞
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Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I find this self-explanatory writing prompt clear, concise, and humorous. Thank you for sharing so openly something that almost worked and merits further development. The fact that it is in development makes it far more charming than a well-finished version would be as an introduction to the form, so for anyone's first palindromic exercise, I like this one the best exactly the way it is right now.

Write on,
Zhen
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Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Dollzell,

What a nice surprise your review of my item was to see. Thank you. Yes, Regret is a real letter I wrote to a real friend who died that real way. I had to find a way to say what there was to say. She is a cat.

I think that by the time we start to write poetry, our hearts are filled with the footprints of those we have opened ourselves to, even if only to some degree. Your poem touches an experience so many of us share after one or another in a relationship has given up and taken an easy path out. But perhaps I am reading too much of one culture into your poem and missing another perspective. (There is far more staying strength in some cultures & sub-cultures than in others.) Love touches us all.

Write on!
Zhen
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Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Magoo,

I enjoy this poem. The structure is good and it fits well with your ultimate writing goal. I appreciate the story and subtext as well.

Write on,
Zhen
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Review by Zhen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Luis De La Fuente Author IconMail Icon!

*Balloon1* Thank you for sharing your writing process so openly. You've outlined steps that would let anyone be successful in writing their first book. What would make this aspect more interesting is including links to books you have written this way - demonstrate your success! *Delight*

*Balloon2* The writing reads as a draft rather than as a polished copy of what you want to say. As a draft, it is well written and seems to me to be complete. In a final version, it's fine to mix first, second and third person due to the narrative of sharing how you write and how you see that helping other people. Your draft does help people. How many more people will this part of your work inspire after you edit it a bit more? *Wink*

All in all, I felt happy to read these thoughts that you share. Thank you.

Write on!
Zhen
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