I don’t like to make unsupported assertions or cite something as fact when it is not. I like to be able to defend my statements with documented proof or by referencing acknowledged experts. It is in that spirit that I reference myself as an expert in Knowing the Difference when I say that it is a darned strange world you all have here.

I can say this definitively because during my brief visits, things are completely crazy. When some mishap causes me to lapse into reality, things are chaotic, disordered, and frenzied. My reaction to it is not all it could be and I have to sound a retreat. All I can do is thank God that the doctors recognize what a mess things are here and are quick to take action.

It has been a tough week. A combination of factors prompted me to call all of the doctors whose job it is to ensure my unfettered access to the outside world. Many people have trouble seeing their doctors. I’m lucky. All I have to do is tell them who I am and I have an appointment that same day. They have seen to my orderly retreat from reality and I am now viewing it from a comfortable distance.

As a provider of free advice (the best kind), I offer these items in hopes they aid my fellow refugees from reality:

Even though time and spatial dimensions are variable and somewhat unpredictable, gravity is not. If time and space have conspired to distort the stairs mid-step in your dissent, accept that you are going to fall. That part can’t be changed. What can be changed is how others react. Blame it on the cat or stepping on a tack. DO NOT blame it on the variable nature of time and space.

If you are enjoying a particularly energetic chaotic, disordered, and frenzied event and everything seems to recede into the distance, do not run to catch up. Especially if you are the cause of the energetic chaotic, disordered, and frenzied event. Don’t try blaming the cat or stepping on a tack. Stop, drop, and roll is probably as good as anything else so try that. Grabbing your big toe and yelling in pain might help.

Once you have been relieved of reality, apologize to everyone including the cat. Don’t be too specific. Promise that you will call the doctor the moment things become chaotic, disordered, and frenzied. Don’t call every day. Finally, if things recede into the distance, just let them go. Reality is best viewed from a distance anyway.