Backstory comes first . . .

I can't remember whether I've mentioned in this blog (and I'm too lazy at the moment to go back and look to see whether I have) that I was volunteering for the Singing Winemaker, pouring in his tasting room. Well, yes . . . I've been doing that for about 6 months or so, and then about 3 months ago I went in one day when I wasn't volunteering to taste some of the wines I didn't know as well, so that I could learn more about them. I ended up staying for most of the afternoon, and wasn't able to drive so I helped Steve do some rearranging of the merchandise in the tasting room. Before I left . . . he offered me a job! As it turned out, having volunteers who work for bottles of wine (which is really nifty, by the way) has been great but not always reliable and he wanted someone who could work in the tasting room on a regular basis. Working in the tasting room of a winery is an interesting way to spend an afternoon. You can meet some pretty amusing people during the course of a day. But when you work for the Singing Winemaker (I did mention that part, right?) it can be a BLAST!!! People come in, they drink wine, they're happy, Steve pulls out his guitar, we sing, it's all good!

So I've been working approximately every other Sunday in the tasting room. Also, after Steve asked if I wanted to start working for him but before I stopped working for wine and started working for money, he asked me if I would help him work on a book project he's been thinking about for several years. It's his project, so I won't go into much detail here except to say that it's non-fiction, it should be interesting and it's nothing that I ever would have considered writing about but I concur with everything he has to say so I'm excited to work with him on it.

And now for today's excitement . . . toward the end of the day three men came in who had obviously already been to a few other wineries. One guy was pretty toasted, but amusingly so. His flip flop was broken and we were having a big chuckle over that, Steve pulled out his guitar and started singing Margaritaville. Anyway, I was just about to ring up a bottle of wine for another customer when this guy starts hitting on me . . . seriously hitting on me. He stopped me in my tracks, I was so flustered. I guess the blonde highlights were a good idea after all? *shrug* He continued to hit on me the entire time they were there . . . it was amusing but it lost its sense of unreality after a bit. Heh. I got hit on at work. He ruined it then by asking me to make some homophobic comment to his brother-in-law. I told him (kindly but firmly, I was after all, at work) that I would never say such a thing. The brother-in-law (who had heard the interchange) then told me to say something non-ASR to flip-flop guy. I told him I had no problem saying that, but not while I was at work. It was a lighthearted exchange . . . I think it was time for flip flop guy to cruise on back home.




 

Not in a good place right now to be measuring . . . but at least I'm writing, so that's a good thing, right?

I measure it in "thank you, Mom" and hugs, and affection, and time spent. Right now . . . I'm at approximately zero. Found Sophie's lunchbox sitting on the living room floor a little while ago. I just don't know why I bother. I set my alarm and wake everyone up . . . I try to do it as nicely as possible. Let them know the weather, etc. Go out, make lunches, throw on my own clothes and brush my teeth. Battle battle wrestle everyone out the door, attitude, anger, irritation.

I come home and spend the day . . . alone. Alone. There's another person in the house. Really. But I never see her. Occasionally if she's feeling like crap she'll text me to ask for something. Or she'll come out just as the kiddos are getting home from school to cook herself something. Otherwise, I'm alone.

Picking the kids up . . . crap dumped everywhere. Does this help my mood? Not so much? So do I say something, and be the mom who only mentions the negative stuff, or do I let the crap sit there where it doesn't belong? Or do I play slave mom? None sound appealing, yet after so many years of trying to ask for stuff to be put where it belongs when it comes home, it's still not happening. So, yes . . . I AM the mom who notices that the backpack and jacket are dumped on the ground EVERY day and asks for them to be picked up. I AM the mom who reminds them EVERY DAY to wash their hands BEFORE heading into the kitchen to look for a snack.

But apparently this makes me a negative mom, in my husband's eyes. And when . . . when do I get some time with him? I come last with him every single time.

There's no thank yous. There's little affection. There's little time spent. Yes, I do it to myself by hiding away from the noise that comes from the chaos. Yes, it's a problem. Yes, I'm trying to deal with it. No, the medications I've tried have not helped in the slightest But . . . what's my NUMBER ONE problem? My measuring stick is non-functional from disuse.


 

I spent the month of October dutifully prepping for NaNoWriMo, plugging away, doing every exercise, learning so much about my characters, their story, their world, their everything! November blew past, and I finished my NaNo novel in 17 days, which completely blew my mind. Did I ever imagine I could do that? Not in a million years! Not if you paid me! I wanted it . . . I wanted it bad! But I wasn't sure I had it in me. Now I know. I made myself step away from it for a few weeks, and not look at the work as a whole, though I spent the intervening weeks thinking about it a lot, replotting and reworking it in my brain, so that by the time I sat down to do the first rewrite I already knew it would be vastly different when I made it through. That was December. January saw the third draft blow through, and brought me some excellent feedback from several sources. Now I know where my weak points are. Unfortunately, my brain is no longer cooperating with me, and the idea of sitting down to compile all of those various comments and suggestions, let along incorporate them into my manuscript, is daunting.

Here's what I've learned ... I thought maybe I was making an excuse, but I'm not so sure. I had started taking a new medication back in October, and I needed to stop taking it in . . . early January? Anyway, I began a new medication later in January which has made me exceedingly sleepy, and I'm honestly concerned about the way it's allowing me to focus/not focus. I did an experiment with sudoku yesterday, after finding myself very frustrated trying to finish some puzzles. I think I'm trying to re-train by brain to focus a little. I hope it works. This really sucks.


 

I've got about ten minutes to get this out before I need to leave the house . . . but it needs out of my head!

So I got an email the other day asking me to donate something for the Gala gift basket for Monkey's class. It's a beach theme, so the woman in charge made a bunch of suggestions. Great! I emailed her back and said I could donate a bottle of bubbly signed by the winemaker. She wrote me back . . . oh someone else already offered a bottle of wine. You can donate anything else on the list. Like . . . a hotel room in Pismo Beach, for example. Or you can just write me a check and I'll buy stuff.

Excuse me . . . single income family still reeling from sticker shock after moving to CA, here. Bought a money pit, daughter going to college in the fall, medical co-pays turn out to be guidelines, every time I turn around I'm being asked for more money for SOMETHING to support the bankrupt public school system for which we already pay taxes. No buses, so second graders got their field trips yanked for the rest of the school year because of the new booster seat law (ummmm . . . I'm willing to provide my kid's booster seat for the purpose of a field trip). Yes . . . I know . . . the state is struggling and the schools are struggling. Her attitude pissed me off. I offered to provide something. I may live in wine country but I don't know how many other SIGNED bottles will be donated. I thought it was pretty cool. Now I'm just pissed and don't feel like donating anything. Bad attitude, Mama. Yeah, I know.


 

My cousin had a baby last night!!! Across the country.

So I spent last night debating, crying, driving myself basically insane, trying to decide whether to fly out there during the height of the holiday season to be there for his bris. On the 23rd. Of course, I really wanted to be there for her as her doula, but somehow I knew there was no way to make that work. I'm not quite as concerned for a few reasons. Number one, this isn't her first, so it's not all totally new to her. Number two, I know her mother-in-law will be extremely involved in making sure she has everything she needs. Number three, another close friend of ours had a baby a few months ago, so she has a close source of info on things like nursing in particular (I helped her with that quite a bit last time, but it WAS almost 10 years ago). I sent her an email this morning telling her she can call me any time of the day or night if she has any questions.

In any case . . . I'm not going. Flights are ridiculous, I couldn't find anything direct that wasn't DOUBLE ridiculous, and traveling during the holidays just does not give me the warm fuzzies. Especially not the warm part, since I'd be heading to the northeast.

So I'll probably be sad for the next week, but I know she's well loved and I'll get out there as soon as I possibly can to meet my new little cousin. Who has spiky strawberry blonde hair (hoooray!) and the cutest little piggie toes. The kids were tickling the photo of his feet last night, on the computer.


 

Well . . . ok. What a weekend! Well, long weekend. Started with a visit from Robert Waltz , much delicious restaurant food and imbibing of a great variety of beverages. He arrived right in time for latke night, so he got to taste the finished product before anyone else. Muahahahahahaaaa! There was more in there, but who remembers!?! Probably some getting ready for party errands.

Friday I took Waltz to visit my good buddy Steve, the Singing Winemaker, at Tesla Vintners. We tasted, we chatted, we sang a few songs . . . a good time was had by all. In the New Year (or whenever Steve and I get around to talking about it) I'm going to start working for him . . . rather than just volunteering (which is tons of fun) and getting paid in bottles of wine (which is great, but doesn't help pay many bills).

Saturday was holiday party day!! Much more running around like headless chickens, preparing more and more food, a little more circular running, and then . . . shockingly, with me more ready than usual, the party began!! It was our first holiday party in our new house, and I was very excited. This is always the highlight of our year, and ever since we bought the house (almost exactly a year ago) I've been thinking about it. It's a great party house. We had a terrific turnout, considering we've only been in the area for a year, none of my cousins in the SF area were able to come, and that none of hubby's colleagues were able to make it. We had neighbors, some new friends from various places, winery buddies, and WDC buddies! It was most extremely exciting to be able to be the one to finally bring Robert Waltz together with Demon Squirrel of Doom! . We had homemade jelly donuts (sufganiot for those in the know) made right in my kitchen during the party, by my friend Barbara's daughter. YUUUUUUUM!

Sunday was more wine tasting. We got to 5. A few were MAJOR disappointments of the "my winery is beautiful and big and impressive so I must be compensating for something" variety. But then we returned to Thomas Coyne, where we'd visited last year and hit the jackpot! Last night was relaxing . . . Waltz made french toast (nom nom) and we watched Despicable Me (minions!)

Today . . . saying goodbye.
 

So I've finished my NaNo draft. I've written extensive notes on my rewrite. I've spent the past three days (yes . . . three DAYS!!) making floor plans for the castle (hey, I was almost done when Dhoc-li Llama scoffed at the maps [her specialty] and like the fool I am, I decided I needed to redo the whole shebang). So I still need to do the general scene, with placement of the castle within a larger setting. But I also have our holiday party coming up on Saturday. So far I've . . . hmmmm. Sent evites. More or less thought about what I'm going to serve. Baked 3 things to stow in the freezer. Bought a lot more stuff that needs to be prepared. Decided to try a baking experiment. Made a list of the errands I need to run and the stuff I need to prepare. Also need to clean the house. And make a dozen phone calls.

What I really want to do is take a nap. And finish that last map. And maybe finish the last bit of a short story I'm working on. And take a nap. And maybe take a shower at some point. Before or after the nap.

100 GPs to the first person who guesses correctly what I do next (keeping in mind that I don't even know what that will be, yet).


 

I'm ready. I want to start editing. I have ideas flowing from practically every body part, and I can't stop them. I've read through it twice and decided it's not as crappy as I thought it was when I was writing. I decided this because I cried at the ending both times. AND I KNEW WHAT WAS COMING!!

I also realized I need to eliminate about 500 extraneous commas from the manuscript. Not a problem. I guess I was over-exuberant when I was writing. The ideas were coming, the punctuation was irrelevant at that point.

And I decided I needed maps of the castle. But before I could do that I needed to read it again to find out where I'd "put" everything. Consequently I discovered that I'd put things all over the place. So I have to make sure Alex's rooms are in the correct area of the castle to make everything else show up in its proper place, etc etc.

I know the story will change quite a bit and I'm excited to get started making those changes. But I can't. I promised to participate in Storm's writing meetings to get feedback on what I've written so far.

So I keep picking up the hard copy and sort of snuggling with it. But today I want to work on those maps.

Somewhere in there I also need to start planning for our holiday party, which is . . . *gulp* . . . ONE WEEK from today!
 

And I wrote, and I wrote, and I WROTE! I finished my NaNo novel in 17 days, and I couldn't have done it without the help and wonderful October NaNo prep organized and run by Brandiwyn ♪ ! Every time I finished prepping something, I thought of something else. I kept writing until it was time to write. And the novel flew off of my fingers and right onto the computer screen! I finished in 17 days, despite the fact that I traveled, and my brand new Netbook refused to charge, and my kids had time off of school . . . I just could not stop!

It's a Young Adult story, and the working title is Prince(ss) Alexandra. On the most basic level, it's the story of a Princess who wants to be King. But the real meaning of the story is much deeper. It's a story about how our dreams and hopes and desires do not necessarily match the dreams and hopes and desires that others have for us. And how we can overcome those obstacles despite societal and familial pressures. I have three stories planned, and each of the characters will hopefully be fully developed by the time I'm done wrestling with the story.

I've never had the feeling before that I just could not feel happy unless I was writing. So I finished the first draft of my NaNo novel, and I promised myself I would not look at it for 2 weeks. People have told me it should be 2 months. I'm not sure if I can stand it!

I've written three short stories about my characters (definitely not in the same genre, but they will nicely fill in some backstory that will help me rewrite and move forward). And I've written the first in probably another trilogy of short stories featuring different characters altogether. And it's time for me to start prepping for book two in my Prince(ss) Alexandra Trilogy. I've been taking notes and more notes and then a few more notes thrown in for good measure. I want to start working on character studies for the new characters that will show up in the next book, and tweak the ones for the characters who grew and changed as I wrote the first story. It's so exciting watching them take on lives of their own . . . halfway through the book I realized I had a character MISSING, and by the time I was done, and had started rethinking and plotting the rewrite, he was so integral to the story that I couldn't imagine it without him! And he truly snuck in the back door when I wasn't paying attention.

So maybe this means I'll be blogging more, since I need to write write write!


 

My brain feels like a load of laundry tumbling in the dryer . . . without the fabric softener sheet!

Here I am, trying very hard to get settled and establish some connections in our new town, but life keeps throwing me curve balls so that I've not really been able to slow down into a routine and find times to form many bonds with people. Yes, my neighbors are wonderful. Yes, they've said "please let me know if you need anything." But am I ready to rely on that? I'm just not sure.

Bob called from work first thing this morning to let me know . . . his trip to the UK has been scheduled. For early March. We'd talked about this trip when he first took the job. The kids and I were planning on going with him. We got their passports and everything. Then we really thought about the whole cost-of-taking-a trip-overseas-while-owning-two-homes thing, and decided maybe it wasn't such a good idea. But when he called me this morning to tell me, I burst into tears. I'd been cruising along, doing pretty well despite some stresses, but this past week I think it's all caught up with me, and I've been a mess. Now thinking about being alone with the kids (the angry kids who will miss their Daddy and be pissed that we reneged on their trip to England; especially Goldilocks who spins utterly out of control at the drop of a hat) has me beside myself (really - can't you see the other me over there, peering over my shoulder?) Add to that the fact that I really don't feel like I have anyone who can help me out during the week (and it would be a full week), and add to that the fact that yet again I feel left behind, and add to that the fact that I'm not yet at all comfortable with the workings of this house nor do I know where Bob stored many of the items not yet unpacked . . . and you get the frazzled, jumbled, dizzy mess that is my brain.

We talked again briefly this morning about all of us going on the trip, and I even started to do some research. I just don't know if I can justify taking them out of school for an entire week. Because the following month they'll be missing at least 4 days while we travel east for Passover. Monkey I'm not concerned about. He could miss the rest of the school year and absolutely pass every assessment to move on to 2nd grade. Goldilocks, on the other hand, is struggling. Her grades are not where they should be, mainly because she hasn't turned in many of the assignments needed to assess her knowledge (some of them are items assigned before she arrived).

I just don't know what the right choice is, here. *sigh*