Today I started to write something special.
It came out to be completely different to what I had in mind in the beginning.
So, here is what I wrote today, sorry if it doesn't make sense to everybody:

I have no idea, how to talk to you.
You've so much class.
You're extremely witty.
Your intelligence blows me away.
I'm just a fool with a limited mind.
Your brain has only one limit and that is the end of the universe.
Does the universe end somewhere?
If so, I would ask, what comes after the end of the universe.
You would explain, what comes after.
My mind is too small to accept, that something the existence of a thing with no end.
Without an end, would there be a beginning?
You would smile at me like you would smile at a stupid child and you would explain that it is possible that things like that could be possible.
I would sit in front of you. Stare, gaze, melt into your eyes, face and gestures.
I would risk a shy smile.
I would understand what you are saying. Every single word.
Maybe not every single word as you don't speak my native language.
But I wouldn't understand the meaning.
It's like mathematics.
I know that 1+1 is 2.
But I never understand why an arithmetic problem from about over 100 sites explains the existence of an unknown planet.
I need for my understanding the material proof of it.
You may not be able to solve the mathematics problem, but you would understand why the solution would make sense.
When your brain is the universe, mine is a protozoa.
And still, you are not looking down at me.
Because you know, a brain like yours would never exist without a protozoa starting the process of living.

Well, you all know, I'm German, so, sorry if there are some errors

Anna

P.S.: In the beginning I wanted to write about someone else and like in a dream it came out to be something completely different
It is not, that I wanted to make myself small. It is more, that I'm totally fascinated by intelligent people and they make me
breath and speechless.
 

Hello everybody!!!!!

Here I am, back from 3 weeks of hell.
This is over now and so let's move on.
If somebdoy missed me and didn't know what happened, here is the story.

I have a tendency to faint while sitting on toilet, because of stomach problems (no, I don't go into details here LOL) ... this time I fell without undamped on my nose and it was broken 2 times. They sended me to hospital for a day to have a nose surgery. All went well and so I had a nice and funny white shining plaster on my nose for ten days.
After a day I came home, but this annoying plaster on my nose didn't let me go online as sitting in front of the pc was not very comfortable.
The monday after the surgery I went to several doctors and one sended me right back to the hospital to make some tests. I hoped they let me out again after 3 days.
But no, I was there for 11 days. They made uncountable tests to find out what is wrong with my stomach system.
The good thing is, they found NOTHING. They said I have a body system like a sportswoman (what a joke, I have not made sport for quite a while, let's say a year or so LOL) and everything is fine with me... ok, ok, they found three things which are a little abnormal, but than again, they said, if they search long enough they would find a little with every healthy human. This three things are nothing to worry about and I only can agree on that. So I can say, I am a healthy person LOL.

The bad thing is, that we still don't know what is wrong with me and why I faint. Now I have to write a diary with all the things I eat during the day as it could be, I have an intolerance with a not so obvious comestible. I have to write this diary for a year or so... if that doesn't bring a result, I have to get a so called Loop Recorder, which is a heart beat counter, placed directely at your heart. This little thing registers every single heart beat for a year, as it can be possible, that I miss a beat during sleep, like other people miss breathing during sleep. This is nothing to worry about and has nothing to do with a heart attack, but it can make stomach irritation in the autonomic nervous system, which can cause the fainting. This all means, I have to wait for the next fainting to make the next conclusion. Not very pleasing, but there is a little I can do.
I started with the diary yesterday and even with the first day I was shocked, what you all eat during the day without thinking LOL... maybe it will change my eating behaviour over the time, but I hope not too much, as I love to eat and test new tastes and such.... oh well, we will see....

Now, if somebody say, that being in hospital is relaxing and you get out there completely recuperate, I only can say, this person is WRONG...
I didn't sleep during the night and during the day I was busy with the tests, so, I didn't sleep much during the 11 days.
I had an old woman (80 year old) in my room who had breathing problems. Every night she started to panic. After one hour of (her) sleep she woke up, screaming and being in panic stations. One night she screamed after the police, because she thought people stole her furniture. She was disoriented during the night and didn't realize, that she was in hospital. During the day she was totally clear, but made the things, happened at night a blown up night mare, where half was true and half was not. She was a sweet little granny, but this panic attacks were extremely scary and didn't let me sleep at all.
Another old woman (don't know her age, but could be as old as the granny in my room) was saying night and day the same thing, very loud and like a mantra, without a break. She said all night and day :"Hallo, in Ewigkeit, Amen" (hello, in eternalness, Amen).... this was scary at night and annoying during the day... but, she was a sweet old lady, too... only, this all together was really stressful.
You never know, what happens to you when you are old, so I was never angry or too annoyed, but still I missed a lot of sleep and was not very relaxed.

Another adventurous incidence happened the second day.
There was a junkie as a patient on my ward. The first night he scared a patient out of the room. He smoked on toilet and consumed drugs (no idea, how he was able to smuggle the drugs into the hospital) and drunk alcohol. The second night he nearly threw another patient out of the window (4th floor) and during the night he had a loud agrument with a female patient from the neighbour room. The next morning the arguemt continued and he started to attack the female patient. One of the nurses wanted to help her and he hit the nurse into the face. The doctor threw him out of the hospital right away, which was accompanied with a lot of swearing and oath from the junkie side. The staff was happy, that they didn't have to call the police and everything was peaceful again after the left....
Between all this I managed to read 5 books and I have no idea, how I was able to find the concentration LOL....

But, now I'm at home again and relax a bit. Maybe I go out to have a dinner in a restaurant later on, because hospital food is, oh well, hospital food.... and very often, during the tests I had to miss a meal, with one good result, I lost 2 kilos, which is really great... hope the kilos stay away for a while LOL....

Sorry, for the long note, but, I had to get all that from my chest....

Have a great sunday, all of you....
 

I thought I might have still some time.
But, no...
Have to start with the advent planning already. This week the madness begins.
And than, the week after this I'm all into it.
Some traditional stuff and the first mullet wine at the christmas market.
And, as soon as you do a blink of the eye you find yourself hurrying to buy the last x-mas-presents.
Hope this time I will have it all together right in time....

But hey, beside all this I love the stressy time of the year.
I love, when the weather starts to get ugly. I love, when the lights are on in many windows. I love when the night is dark and the air is so cold that your cheek is getting red and your breath produces small drafts of mist.
I love to go into my warm flat, having a hot chocolate, after being outside for a while.

Well, it sounds like it could be fun, this year.... we will see

anna
 

Hahahaha, don't expect it's gonna be that regular, but it seems like I'm in the mood for leaving some notes here.

I read a lot these days. More trivial, but that doesn't mean, it is less entertaining.
The gym is one place were I stop by very often these days as well and leave some drops of sweat there.
And, happy me, I'm still busy on writing scripts and cutting silly private videos.
And, these days I'm full of new ideas.
Two ideas to be exact.
One idea is in my head for some years now, but I still have no idea, where to start and what I exactly want to do about it. But, that doesn't mean I would skip that idea.
The other idea is a new one and I think it's a great idea.
Funny, that I know already how to put the story.
Hope I can make it thrilling enough.
I'm not good in writing thrilling stuff, but, it is worth a try.

I now gonna make some reviews here, because there are so many good writers on this site.
Have a wonderful Sunday and much love and happiness....

anna
 

It's been far too long....
Far, far, far too long since I updated my blog last time.
I'm sorry for that.
I think I lost now my very few regular readers and I feel a bit guilty about that.
With no words I stopped writing and with no words I was disappearing more and more from this site.
I now could come up with a lot of reasons and I guess there is truth in it, but it won't cover the whole story.
When there would be a story.
But, truth to be told is, that I was not only disappearing from this site, no, I did stop a lot of things over the last year.
I was so over-active with second life and at sudden I stopped it.
I was busy on my favorite site and now I just leave a comment there on a very irregular base. Not to say on a very rare base.
There was no reason, nothing happened that I stopped all this.
It was just, that I felt, that I had nothing to say. And, only to say something to have said something is not my way. I feel stupid if I do so.
So, I didn't want to feel stupid, maybe this was the reason to stop.
I did a lot of things over the time of my absence.
I went to concerts.
Yes, I saw Iggy Pop for the first time in my life and I tell you, he really kicks ass and is absolutely fantastic.
He looks great and he is still a dirty boy, but all over charming and sweet (uuuhhhh, Iggy, don't hit me for that, but it is true). I don't know if it was only a game, but I sometimes really had the feeling he is kind of shy *giggle*.
Seems like I like this introverted extroverted characters the most.
It never gets boring with this kind of characters.
Oh, now you might get the impression I met this guy. Nooooooo, wrong, but these guys know how to play games with the audience and even it is just a game it tells a lot about them.
Than I saw Adrian Belew only two weeks ago.
A great guitar hero with emotions in every single fingertip on his guitar.
I was deeply impressed.
So was I with Dominic Miller. What a great jazz guitarist. With both of them you could see how much they love what they do and if you believe them it seems to be the easiest thing to transport emotions only with music.
Hahahaha, they've never seen me playing and braking my fingers and all I transported were funny laughs and smiles of pity through my audience.
Anyway, I know were I stand when it comes to music. And, were I stand is really a good spot to stand. My stage is the audience. I can enjoy and no spot light is disturbing me. I can suck up all the music and the emotions and be all myself without thinking. I feel great. I feel like the world is mine and everything is there just for me. I feel sane and save and free. And, yes, I feel like the performer is just performing for me (I know it is an illusion, but who cares. I will never be so lucky to meet one of them, so I can legally dream). The only thing which gets me always, when a concert is over is, that I really have to start to grow out of my Cinderella shoes, but hey, they feel so comfortable, so why should I? Seriously, I always am so realistic in my every day life, so why not escaping this boring and not so nice reality for a night? I never transport this into my real life so I think I can life that dream as long as I'm able to dream.

There was a lot more going on in 2008.
This summer I met my former guitar teacher after, I think 6 or 7 years.
Well, this guy was on-stage (naaahhh, I won't go there again) and it was a great day for my home town Cologne.
This day the whole town was on the feet to demonstrate against the right wing extremists.
Well, I hope you don't need lessons in German history and so I won't go to deeply into that.
But, it was a great day.
We had our Obama day (sorry, couldn't resist this analogy) long before the historic American election. Ok, without Obama and only because the people of my city are like they are.
We are called the most tolerant city in Germany (beside Berlin, not sure which town should or could win such a competition, if there ever would be a competition).
And now these stupid "brown soup" (as they are called in the press) tried to organize a demonstration against the "Islamization of Germany" here in Cologne on the "Alter Markt" (old market place), which is a big tourist spot in my city.
It was all legal, because of the freedom of assembly and so no one could inhibit it.
This was very frustrating and we all thought about what to do.
To be honest I didn't think loud, but I followed the discussion.
So, the politicians all parties organized a big counter-demonstration.
Our police was very clever.
They closed the "Alter Markt" with the reason that they were afraid of the left wing extremists.
There was only a little snag in it.
Because they were so good in closing the market none of the right wing extremists could go there as well.
The police did argue that, when they leave a little whole the left wings could slip in too.
A big laughter. Very clever.
Only 50 (of the 500 awaited) right wings could make it on the market.
There was a lot more going on.
All taxi drivers didn't allow any right wing in their taxis.
In the pubs the right wings didn't get a beer or even a water.
Hotels canceled the rooms of the right wing people.
There was a tram full of right wings stranded on a dead track, because the police didn't allow the tram in the main station (they were stuck in the tram for 6 hours).
Our airport was closed and didn't let any of them come into town. So they were stranded at the airport for some hours as well, and than they send them just right back to were there came from, with the next plane.
As if that was not enough my city was, what it always is, when it sees their rights in great danger.
The City organized a big demonstration (5000 liberal people were on their feet). With a big concert with all "famous" local musicians. Close to the "Alter Markt". And they place the speakers into the direction of the "Alter Markt" and put it full power to be louder than the speakers of the "brown soup".
It would have worked, when the "brown soup" would've been able to get their speakers on. Even the electric power was against them, so they had electricity, but, because the liberal people needed a bit more electricity they always had fall outs (did I say that right, oooppppss, I know you all know what I mean) and nothing worked properly.
At points I really tried to feel a bit pity for them, but, than again, never underestimate the power of the people from Cologne.
After 4 hours of our demonstration I was a proud witness of the moment when the police did say loud over their speakers, that the right wing extremists demonstration is not longer allowed as they couldn't guarantuee any longer for the safety of the people.
A big cheering and rejoicing took place with the 5000 people all over the town. I had a big lump in my throat and was close to tears.
Than a big party started.
The concert was one good feeling and that's were I saw my former guitar teacher after such a long time.
He spotted me in the audience. And I as able to see the question-mark on his face. After 3 songs and a lot of staring into my direction his face was lightning up and he pointed at me, happy to know, where to put my face.
After that we all celebrated and I even met my neighbour and so everything was a big great day, full of peace, victory and that it is possible to do something against people who think into a dangerous direction.
With all that good things, happened that day I will not keep quiet about, that there was violence too.
Some of the left wing extremists did throw stones and some Molotov Cocktails. They were arrested. But, this was only a very small side effect and really rare. Just because we didn't let them.
I really have to say, I'm proud of my city.
I hope we don't need to do that next time. But, if we have to repeat it, we will. And, we will win again with mostly peaceful ways. Oh yes

That was this summer.
And now there was the election.
And yes, we Germans did follow this election like it would have been in our country.
Will it be Obama or McCain?
Well, I was for Obama, but not without critics.
I mean, there are some points which really fear me about him.
It's always dangerous, when a politician is adored like a messiah or a rock star.
It's always dangerous when people mix these two things.
He is a politician. That means, he can't get through his job without telling lies. That is a fact and there is no way we can close our eyes about a fact like this.
So, he might disappoint after all the big pressure of expectations pressing on his shoulders right now.
I mean, if it only would be America looking at him like the saviour machine, saving the world on any level (war, financial crisis, environment crisis and so on), but now it's the whole world waiting for him doing that.
The whole world now is waiting that he comes his way and with a snip of his magic finger and everything will be alright.
How can he do that?
He is only human.
He is only a politician who has to make compromises he might not be happy with and maybe he has to sell some of his ideals on the big world market game.
Yes, I'm happy that he made it and not McCain. And, I can't help, but having high expectations on him like any other. But still, there is this little voice in me asking if it all is really so good as it looks now and as it seems on the first euphoric emotion.
There is another thing which gets me all the time.
And this is, that it is still a question about skin colour.
I mean, helloooooo!!!!!!
We are living in the age of the Internet and Globalization.
We should've found out by now, that the skin colour doesn't make any difference between good and bad. The skin colour doesn't make any difference about you and me, maybe only the look in the mirror.
But hey, I'm scared by the look into my mirror, but I'm never scared by the look into the mirror of somebody else.
So, the skin colour doesn't count as an argument for anything anymore. And, for me that was already before Obama was part of the election.
Have you ever seen a German or an English guy on Majorca after a few hours in the sun, without sun cream?
So, why the hell do people call the native Americans "red skinned" (well, at least here in Germany we say so)?
Oh well, just a thought....

Ok, I think I did put the great things of this year into one blog entry and so I feel good
So, go Obama, go and fulfill all our high expectations or they will hang you for that..... go, Cologne, go, don't let the right wing extremists rule our city, never again..... and, go, musicians, go, let me come home with the feeling that I might be something special (but, to be honest, there is only one musician in the world, who can fulfill me in all my personal and none political high expectations and the others are great and good, but this one musician is the perfect touch of my soul in any meaning).....

You all have a great weekend and I hope you see me again sooner as you might think

Much love

anna

P.S.: While re-reading it, I could see some really nasty grammar error in my blog entry. But, somehow I have no idea how to put it better. So, please, everybody is invited to correct me. As I'm not a native speaker I do my very best to avoid these errors, but, well, I only can learn if somebody tell me, what was wrong and how to put it in a better way!



 

Well, only half of the truth.
I didn't much of writing and skipped my gymn, but had a lot to do at work.
Than I had a terrible headache the whole week. This is not a normal headache you can easily prevent with some pills. I tried it and it didn't work.
I know where they are coming from and this makes me a little angry. No, not worried, this is really pissing me off (sorry for the hard words, if you are 13 and reading it, this is not a proper and nice language and please never use it, but I have not other words for it at the moment).
Part of my long absence here was, that I had an accident a two and a half month ago and fell on my head.
I looked terrible, a big bruise around my eye, a fat scar over my eyebrow (this still looks horrible, eeekkk). I looked like after a boxing fight and I obviously lost.
No, no other person was involved, just me and my damn stomach.
Huh? Stomach?
How can a stomach make me having an accident?
Oh well, it can.
I had a virus infection (nothing special, because there were some annoying viruses around during that time) and after some days I thought it was healed out.
Had a fun weekend at the beach and felt good.
I even was able to eat fish and all sorts of everything.
So I went home happy.
A few days later I had some stomach wave attacks (can't describe it better, maybe someone can help out here, tsk, as a not native speaker I'm sometimes really helpless in such kind of sentence construations, giggle).
I went to bed and woke up at 4:15 am to a strong and hurting wave attack.
I decided to go to the bathroom.
While I was sitting on the toilet (again sorry for being so detailed, I know you don't want to know ) I felt that my blood was rushing through my body. It is like my blood is bubbling like boiled water and the same time I freeze like being naked in a frozen sea. I knew what will come next and in the middle of thinking that I going to faint now it already happened.
I heard a loud "bang" and my face felt like putting on an open fire.
Meanwhile realizing that something went terribly wrong here I fainted again (lucky me this time I was already laying on the naked floor so nothing special happened, beside falling into the dark). I woke up some seconds later and thought I was laying in my bed. Just couldn't sort out this strange feeling on the left side of my face.
I had no idea why my right hand was at my left face and why my bed was so cold.
It took me a minute or so to know where I was.
Half in the bathroom, half in the corridor.
Slowly I stood up and managed to get my hand off my face.
I looked at my hand and saw that it was red of fresh blood. It looked like in a horror movie. And so did my face.
I managed to wash my hand, but was afraid to wash or touch my face again.
After washing my head I was functional like a robot.
I told myself to put my jeans on and to grab my purse and walk to the hospital (it's only a 10 minute walk from me, but everybody was grumpy with me that I didn't call 112 (that's our emergency call) or a taxi and they were right. It was in the middle of the night, no one out there, it is a walk were no cars are coming along and people walk the earliest two hours later and what if I would've fainted again?). But, I managed it to get to the hospital, were they sew my face together with 5 stitches and send me home after a few hours.
It took me a while to get over that shock and still, if my stomach makes funny things I get worried and really feared it could happen again.
Ok, this is a long story and I look pretty normal again (only the scar over my eyebrow shows that it was not only a little thing that happened), but now after such a long time the headache started.
It is an annoying feeling, not like a migraine, but always there. I wake up to it, it is there whole day and I go to sleep with it.
I took aspirin, and it didn't work. I took Diclophenac and it didn't work. The bones are giving me a numb feeling and so I guess I hurt my nerve over my eye.
That really makes me angry, because I didn't do anything wrong and now I have to deal with some annoying pain.
But, beside that I still work on my script and I'm still busy with movie cutting.
Looks like I found my business there
Tomorrow I will go to gymn anyway, and ignore my terrible headache.... it's time for my bikini shape

anna

 

...and I'm already up for quite some hours.
What have I done so far?
Well, I know I should start working on that damn video (were the music doesn't fit in the subject, but hey, I hope I get it done) and I've to write a lot.
But, instead of that I reviewed here some stuff (great stuff, you all should read the things here, I'm really amazed), did the dishes, had a long lazy breakfast and now my next thing on my day plan is to have a refreshing shower.
Than I skip the gymn and go right on the video cutting. For the relaxing part I will write on my script (the action I would prefer at the moment, but I have to do that video, arggghhh).
The script writing with the american girl will start next weekend I guess and I've a lot of stuff to do for that kick off as well.
Oh, such a long time I did nothing and now.... once I start it all grows over my head. So many things to do, so less time.
But, I will finish it, and I will be proud in the end (and if it's only, because I've finished it)

Have a wonderful sunday all, hope yours is more relaxing than mine. But than again, even it is stressing the hell out of me, it is fun to do such things again.

anna
 

I think my cheeks are a bit sunburned and I feel totally relaxed. Like I slept for weeks a wonderful sleep.
But fact is, I was totally busy today.
I woke up at 7 am and was so awake that I jumped out of the bed, having a shower, put some suncream on and cleaned up a bit. I put some laundry into the machine and prepaired myself for a wonderful breakfast.
I started to read a thriller ("shadowman" by Cody McFadyen) and I'm hooked.
But something kept me away and my mind was wandering.
I thought it might be, because it is hard to fight me thru the first sides, sometimes.
But no, that was not the case. My mind was on my script.
So I switched on the pc and started to write.
Oh, that was fun and another scene is almost done.
Ok, there is a little obstacle to take to get the bow to the real thing, but I have the feeling I will make it.
I did spend 2 hours with writing and switched the pc off as I wanted to catch a bit of the sun.
Time to grab my bike and see what's going on in my suburb. There were two feasts going on and so I decided to risk an eye (as we say in germany ). But I found out there were boring and in a tent, which didn't fit into my being outside in the sun feeling.
So I went home again.
Meanwhile I had two machines of laundry ready and another one was running.
I put out my canvas chair and made myself comfy outside.
The book in my hand and a cold glass of Rosé and I totally relaxed.
While relaxing I made another 2 machines ready (stuff was drying so fast, it was a real joy *giggle* ), did phone with a friend and had the end of the scene ready in my head.... and don't forget the book... it was hard to lay it aside when tit was time to get back into the house again, because it was getting a bit cold (the warm weather is just starting)

Now I'm a bit afraid, that this energy push was just because of the wonderful spring weekend. But than again, I've the feeling, to start the script was my deliverance and it feels so good like it didn't for years.
So I hope this kees me going.

Hope you all have and had a wonderful weekend

anna
 

I'm really back on the writing.
But, I'm totally off of writing short stories and poems at the moment.
It's script writing, wich gets all my attention.
Today I wrote two scenes and I'm totally thrilled with the achievement. I doubt that this script will ever see the light of the public and I do it for myself, but still, it feels so good to have the fingers itching again, the mind forming sentences out of the blue and that funny feeling in my tummy that I always have, when I'm writing.
It is not the script I was talking about earlier. This is something completely different.
The other project starts next week and will be great. But the project is imaginativeness, while the script I started today is in my head already for such a long time, but I never thought I would ever start with it. Too scary, too real. But, I found out that it doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would.
A good friend of mine told me so often, that I should dare to tell the truth, because it isn't as scary as I think it is.... now I've the feeling she might be right
But still, there is this little gnome in my head asking me all the time, if I'm really allowed to write it down. If this wouldn't kill the magic of these moments of Reality.
Well, I do my very best to ignore him and will bite myself thru the story of the best part of my life. Yes, that's the way to go.

Have a wonderful and creative weekend all, I will

anna
 

And shows us still april weather.
But, they say the weekend will be sunny and warm

Time to relax.
And time to force the family movie.
Oh, and time to put my ideas for the script in words.... in my head I've a lot of ideas ready, but now I've to bundle them and give it a direction.

It feels so good that there is that itching feeling in my fingers again.
I missed it like I miss a good friend...
I seems like I get the idea back, where I stand in life.
But, it is not back yet full power, but to know it is still there makes me reach for more :)

Happy may to you all

anna