This is an email that I received from my sister this morning. I'm posting it here to dispel the rumors that I am dead. Enjoy!!!!!!

These individual quotes were reportedly taken from actual employee
performance evaluations in a large US Corporation.

(1) "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock
bottom.....and has started to dig."

(2) "His men would follow him anywhere, ....... but only out of morbid
curiosity.'

(3) "I would not allow this employee to breed."

(4) "This employee is really not so much of a 'has-been', but more of
a definite 'won't be'."

(5) "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a
rat in a trap."

(6) "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change
feet."

(7) "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."

(8) "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

(9) "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to
achieve them."

(10) "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

(11) "This employee should go far, ..... and the sooner he starts, the
better."

(12) "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all
together."

(13) "A gross ignoramus? 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

(14) "He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless."

(15) "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

(16) "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

(17) "He's been working with glue too much."

(18) "He would argue with a signpost."

(19) "He has a knack for making strangers immediately detest him."

(20) "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

(21) "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

(22) "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, .... he's
the other one."

(23) "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

(24) "A prime candidate for natural deselection."

(25) "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

(26) "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't
coming."

(27) "Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for
it."

(28) "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a
week."

(29) "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

(30) "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the oceans."

(31) "It's hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm to the
egg."

(32) "One neuron short of a synapse."

(33) "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge;..... he only
gargled."

(34) "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes."

(35) "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."



 

Yet another time waster:
http://www.autodesk.com/eng/etc/fake_or_foto/quiz.html
 

Something to waste your time on. . .

http://www.mis-group.com/funny/drunk/help_the_drunk_get_home-Original.htm

 

WANT TO HAVE FUN AT A PARTY? PREPARE THIS RECIPE! COMPLETELY EDIBLE,
BUT YOUR FRIENDS MAY NOT THINK SO!

On a recent visit to our veterinarian to get shots for our cat I found this recipe on the waiting room bulletin board. After recovering from hysterical laughter, I obtained a copy from the office staff so my wife could make it, which she refused to do. I took it to work and gave the recipe to a lady at work who loves cats. The pictures below show the results of her work. It doesn't look very nice, but it's actually quite tasty, so I decided to pass it along.

CAKE INGREDIENTS:
1 box spice or German chocolate cake mix
1 box of white cake mix
1 package white sandwich cookies
1 large package vanilla instant pudding mix
A few drops green food coloring
12 small Tootsie Rolls or equivalent

SERVING "DISHES AND UTENSILS"
1 NEW cat-litter box
1 NEW cat-litter box liner
1 NEW pooper scooper

1) Prepare and bake cake mixes, according to directions, in any size pan. Prepare pudding and chill. Crumble cookies in small batches in blender or food processor. Add a few drops of green food coloring to 1 cup of cookie crumbs. Mix with a fork or shake in a jar. Set aside.

2) When cakes are at room temperature, crumble them into a large bowl. Toss with half of the remaining cookie crumbs and enough pudding to make the mixture moist but not soggy. Place liner in litter box and pour in mixture.

3) Unwrap 3 Tootsie Rolls and heat in a microwave until soft and pliable. Shapethe blunt ends into slightly curved points. Repeat with three more rolls. Bury the rolls decoratively in the cake mixture. Sprinkle remaining white cookie crumbs over the mixture, then scatter green crumbs lightly over top.

4) Heat 5 more Tootsie Rolls until almost melted. Scrape them on top of the cake and sprinkle with crumbs from the litter box. Heat the remaining Tootsie Roll until pliable and hang it over the edge of the box. Place box on a sheet of newspaper and serve with scooper. Enjoy!
 

Birth Date Test

Your birth date describes who you are, what you are good at and what your inborn abilities are.

It also points to what you have to learn and the challenges you are facing.

To figure out your Birth Number, add all the numbers in the birth Date together, like in the example, until there is only one digit.

A Birth Number does not prevent you from being anything you want to be, it will just color your choice differently and give you a little insight.

Example: March 20, 1950
3 + 20 + 1950 = 1973
1 + 9 + 7 + 3 = 20
2 + 0 = 2

Keep going until you end up with a single digit number.

1 THE ORIGINATOR
2 THE PEACEMAKER
3 THE LIFE OF THE PARTY
4 THE CONSERVATIVE
5 THE NONCONFORMIST
6 THE ROMANTIC
7 THE INTELLECTUAL
8 THE BIG SHOT
9 THE PERFORMER

1 - THE ORIGINATOR... 1 's are originals. Coming up with new ideas and executing them is natural. Having things their own way is another trait that gets them as being stubborn and arrogant. 1's are extremely honest and do well to learn some diplomacy skills. They like to take the initiative and are often leaders or bosses, as they like to be the best. Being self-employed is definitely helpful for them. Lesson to learn others' ideas might be just as good or better and to stay open minded.
Famous 1's: Tom Hanks, Robert Redford, Hulk Hogan, Carol Burnett, Wynona Judd, Nancy Reagan, Raquel Welch.

2 - THE PEACEMAKER... 2's are the born diplomats. They are aware of others' needs and moods and often think of others before themselves. Naturally analytical and very intuitive they don't like to be alone. Friendship and companionship is very important and can lead them to be successful in life, but on the other hand they'd rather be alone than in an uncomfortable relationship. Being naturally shy they should learn to boost their self-esteem and express themselves freely and seize the moment and not put things off.
Famous 2's: President Bill Clinton, Madonna, Whoopee Goldberg, Thomas Edison, Wolfgang Amadeus, Mozart.

3 - THE LIFE OF THE PARTY... 3's are idealists. They are very creative, social, charming, romantic, and easygoing. They start many things, but don't always see them through. They like others to be happy and go to great lengths to achieve it. They are very popular and idealistic. They should learn to see the world from a more realistic point of view.
Famous 3's: Alan Alda, Ann Landers, Bill Cosby, Melanie Griffith, Salvador Dali, Jodi Foster.

4 - THE CONSERVATIVE... 4'S are sensible and traditional. They like order and routine. They only act when they fully understand what they are expected to do. They like getting their hands dirty and working hard. they are attracted to the outdoors and feel an affinity with nature. They are prepared to wait and can be stubborn and persistent. They should learn to be more flexible and to be nice to themselves.
Famous 4's: Neil Diamond, Margaret Thatcher, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tina Turner, Paul Hogan, Oprah Winfrey.

5-THE NONCONFORMIST... 5's are the explorers. Their natural curiosity, risk taking, and enthusiasm often land them in hot water. They need diversity, and don't like to be stuck in a rut. The whole world is their school and they see a learning possibility in every situation. The questions never stop. They are well advised to look before they take action and make sure they have all the facts before jumping to conclusions.
Famous 5's: Abraham Lincoln, Charlotte Bronte, Jessica Walter, Vincent Van Gogh, Bette Midler, Helen Keller and Mark Hail.

.6 - THE ROMANTIC... 6's are idealistic and need to feel useful to be happy. A strong family connection is important to them. Their actions influence their decisions. They have a strong urge to take care of others and to help. They are very loyal and make great teachers. They like art or music. They make loyal friends who take the friendship seriously. 6's should learn to differentiate between what they can change and what they cannot.
Famous 6's: Albert Einstein, Jane Seymour, John Denver, Meryl Steep, Christopher Columbus, Goldie Hawn.

7 - THE INTELLECTUAL... 7's are the searchers. Always probing for hidden information, they find it difficult to accept things at face value. Emotions don't sway their decisions. Questioning everything in life, they don't like to be questioned themselves. They're never off to a fast start, and their motto is slow and steady wins the race. They come across as philosophers and being very knowledgeable, and sometimes as loners. They are technically inclined and make great researchers uncovering information. They like secrets. They live in their own world and should learn what is acceptable and what is not in the world at large.
Famous 7's: William Shakespeare, Lucille Ball, Michael Jackson, Joan Baez, Princess Diana.

8 - THE BIG SHOT... 8's are the problem solvers. They are professional, blunt and to the point, have good judgment and are decisive. They have grand plans and like to live the good life. They take charge of people. They view people objectively. They let you know in no uncertain terms that they are the boss. They should learn to exude their decisions on their own needs rather than on what others want.
Famous 8's: Edgar Cayce, Barbra Streisand, George Harrison, Jane Fonda, Pablo Picasso, Aretha Franklin, Nostrodamus, and Ron Connolly.

9 - THE PERFORMER... 9's are natural entertainers. They are very caring and generous, giving away their last dollar to help. With their charm, they have no problem making friends and nobody is a stranger to them. They have so many different personalities that people around them have a hard time understanding them. They are like chameleons, ever changing and blending in. They have tremendous luck, but also can suffer from extremes in fortune and mood. To be successful, they need to build a loving foundation.
Famous 9's: Albert Schweitzer, Shirley MacLaine, Harrison Ford, Jimmy Carter, Elvis Presley.

 

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old. Hateful little dog. Bites.

FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

FREE PUPPIES...
Mother, AKC German Shepherd.
Father, Super Dog...able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG.
Looks like a rat .... been out a while.
Better be a reward.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

NORDIC TRACK
$300 Hardly used, call Chubby.

GEORGIA PEACHES California grown - 89 cents lb.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer $300.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
WORN ONCE BY MISTAKE.
Call Ginger.

AND THE BEST ONE:

FOR SALE BY OWNER:
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer.
No longer needed, got married last month.
Wife knows everything


 

I'm still here but I'm completely bogged down writing a column and other feature articles for our local paper. The time writing is considerable but before I get to that point, there is a book to read and review, an author or other subject to interview, calls to verify information, road trips to check out a topic, future articles to plan, etc. It's never ending. I like it but I feel guilty that I haven't been on WDC more that a minute or two here or there. Thanks for missing me. It feels nice. Barbs

 

If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous
erudite scientist who once said:

"I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen...and
replaced by exact duplicates!"

His mind tends to see things a bit differently than the rest of us
mortals.

Here are some of his gems: (the last one is everyone's favorite)

1- I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2- Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

3- Half the people you know are below average.

4- 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5- 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8- If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.

9- All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

10- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the
cheese.

11- I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.

12- OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13- How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

14- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
something.

15- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

17- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

18- Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

19- I intend to live forever; so far, so good.

20- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

21- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

22- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

23- My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your
horn louder."

24- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

25- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

26- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

27- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

28- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the
bread.

29- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
research.

30- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

31- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

32- The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be
on it.

33- Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

34 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your
headlights work?

 

There have been a couple of generations in the last 60 years that have missed the boat, but this group isn't one of them.

A first grade school teacher in Virginia had 25 students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom with the first half of a well known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you.

While reading, keep in mind that these are first graders, six-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!

1. Don't change horses..........until they stop running.
2. Strike while the..........bug is close.
3. It's always darkest before..........daylight saving time.
4. Never underestimate the power of..........termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but..........how?
6. Don't bite the hand that..........looks dirty.
7. No news is..........impossible.
8 A miss is as good as a..........Mr.
9. You can't teach an old dog new..........math.
10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll..........stink in the morning.
11. Love all, trust..........me.
12. The pen is mightier than the..........pigs.
13. An idle mind is..........the best way to relax.
14. Where there's smoke, there's..........pollution.
15. Happy the bride who..........gets all the presents.
16. A penny saved is..........not much.
17. Two's company, three's..........the Musketeers.
18. Don't put off until tomorrow what..........you put on to go to bed.
19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and
..........you have to blow your nose.
20. There are none so blind as..........Stevie Wonder.
21. Children should be seen and not..........spanked or grounded.
22. If at first you don't succeed, get new batteries.
23. You get out of something only what you..........see in the picture on the box.
24. When the blind lead the blind,..........get out of the way.

And the WINNER and last one!

25. Better late than..........pregnant.
 

Alden Carter is a working author who lives in Marshfield Wisconsin. He has numerous books in print. I took the following from his website and am sharing it here. . .for whatever it's worth.