This is an email I wrote to a friend who hurt me very recently, but I'm not sure if he realized it. I haven't decided yet if I'm sending the email...


I wanted to write you an email to tell you why I've been trying to reach you. You probably think you know why, but I can guarantee with near-absolute certainty that you do not. The reason is because I found out in mid-October that I have to have spinal fusion surgery. If you don't know what that is, let your imagination sound it out and I think you'll hit on the general idea. The scoliosis in my spine has gotten so bad that they have to open up by back, drill screws into nearly all of my thoracic vertebrae, insert titanium rods, and overlay it with grafts from cadaver bones to straighten it out and keep it from continuing to progress for the rest of my life. I'll spend four days in the hospital and six weeks recovering before I can even go back to work to sit at a desk.

Can you guess why I was trying to get in touch with you about this?

Because it's scary as hell, and I thought that I would be able to get a hold of one of my best friends to talk and explain and vent. But I couldn't reach you. I tried on the 14th, when I'd had a day or two to internalize it. I tried on the 21st. I was ignored, but I waited, patiently, while I watched your status updates change but never got so much as a "hey, can I talk to you later." Then I saw your update -- shunning the world. I don't know why. Something about McCain I was led to understand. Or the fact that it's autumn. I can't pretend to know what's going on with you when you decide you don't want to share. So I waited. I tried again yesterday, and again today. Still nothing. You are the last of all of my friends to hear about my upcoming surgery, and it's because I couldn't get you to acknowledge that I wanted to talk to you. And you were the last person I expected would do that to me.

I know I never wrote and said, "Hey, I know you hate people right now, but I really need to talk to you so please stop shunning and write me back." But honestly, I shouldn't have to do that. I should be able to get a response when I send you a message instead of being ignored for going on a month now. For all the times that I've been there for you -- that Dan and I have both been there for you -- it's hurt me more than I can manage to express that you would choose to ignore me when I needed you.

So I wanted to write you an email to explain how upset I am by all of this, and now I find that my words are falling short. All I can do is hope that next time you will think twice before you shut your friends out of your life. Because for all that we worry and care about you, sometimes what we're really looking for is for you to show that you worry and care about us too.