Hi Tara,

I know I'm giving you some reviews for your auction win, but this isn't one of them. (I hate when you're looking for some solid reviews and someone comes in an reviews your message forum or something )

Anyway, I wanted to leave you a note about your sig shop, because I think you have something really cool going here. I can tell that it's a very new shop, and I am keeping that in mind as I write this review. I think that your sigs are beautiful and there is certainly nothing to complain about in terms of quality. The only things that I think could be improved are that the selection is a little limited (but again, I can tell this place is still just getting off the ground, so I know that will be improved), and I found the categories to not be very helpful in terms of looking for what I wanted. For me (and this is a personal opinion, so I could very well be in the minority here), a sig is a banner is a sig. In other words, my sigs and my banners tend to all be about the same size, so it didn't really help me to have a category for sigs and a cateogry for banners. Perhaps once you have some more content, you'd be able to have categories based on theme or even color scheme.

Overall I think you have a great shop that has some lovely sigs. Keep up the good work, and please let me know when you add some new content. I like you work. :)

Best,

Miranda
 

Review #1:

Hi RatDog! This review is to say Thank You! for your recent donation to RAOK.


Specific Lines
- "...sunshine on my shoulders... that was a song once, wasn't it?" - Not only did this first line make me smile, but it also sets the mood for the rest of the piece very nicely. It sets the stage for the other song references and quotes that come into play later.

Overall Thoughts

Plot

Short but sweet. You tell the story in so few words, but you do it brilliantly. At first I was confused by some of the lines. For example, I was wondering how the narrator could say that he hadn't been there for years in one sentence and then two lines later say that he'd never been there before. But when I got to the end of the piece, everything came rushing together and it all made sense. That is the mark of a well-told story.


Characters

The character of the grandfather is extremely touching. It's difficult to say what it would be like in the mind of someone with Alzheimer's (or dementia), but I can easily imagine that it would be something like what you've written here.

We don't get any descriptions of the mother or the grandson, but that's ok by me, since it's not really about them anyway. They're just there to provide the context.


As A Whole

There were no spelling or grammatical errors that I noticed.

This piece is unique for a number of reasons. For one, it's told entirely through dialog, either spoken or internal. It's often difficult to tell a story in this fashion, but here you've provided enough details and description to allow me to visualize what's going on. It's written beautifully and I cannot think of a single thing to do differently. Great job.

My Rating - Five stars


Review #2:

Hi Tara! I'll be reviewing some of your work for the package you won in "SHERRI'S SIZZLING AUCTION CLOSED" .


Specific Lines
- "...in the leaves of the trees." then "...in the branches of the trees..." - These two lines are one sentence after the other. You may want to consider mixing it up (or spacing them out) a bit to avoid the repetition.

- "He never did his job at night-everyone warned him not too." - This sentence seems a little random or possibly out of place, but at the same time it caught my attention. Now I want to know why.

- "...that killed him and his entire infantry." - I don't think infantry is the word you want here. An infantry is like a cavalry. It's not a unit of soldiers but rather a type of soldier (in this case, on foot as opposed to on horseback). Given the rest of this sentence, I think the word that would fit better would be "squad" or "platoon." A squad usually consists of eight to sixteen soldiers, and a platoon is typically 25 to 60. So depending on how large of a blast you were thinking of, either of those words might be a stronger choice.

- "Sometimes, he felt like Peter Pan and she was Wendy with the stories that she told." - I like the reference here. Very nice!


Overall Thoughts

Plot

I like the overall plot, and the story that you told here was very interesting and unique. However, I noticed what seemed to be a bit of inconsistency that you may want to look into. Jack's gravestone reads that he died in 1944. You then have that Marie's life was exchanged for his, but her gravestone reads that she died in 1952. It seemed strange to me that their dates of death should be so many years apart, given the other details.

Something else you may want to consider is that you have the opportunity here for a serious twist. From the start of the story, we know that the Jack digging the grave is the same Jack on the tombstone, and we know that the ghost of Marie is Jack's wife. My suggestion is to change it up a little so that the reader doesn't catch on to this right away. The name on the tombstone could be John Riper (as Jack is often a nickname for John). And instead of telling us Jack's story as he leans against the headstone, just let Marie's ghost tell it when she appears. We'll catch on that there's something going on here by Jack's reactions to her tale. Then, when Jack looks down at Marie's tombstone, it can all come together for the reader in a giant "didn't see that coming" moment.

All that said, I would like to emphasize that there is nothing wrong with how you've told the story here. I personally am one for twist endings, so I couldn't help but see the potential for that here.

Characters

Your characters were very interesting and you give good descriptions of them through their interactions with one another. Very well done.

As A Whole

Overall, I saw no spelling or grammatical errors of any kind. The pace of the story was just right for its length. The ending was nice, but it felt like you robbed yourself of another great moment. At one point, Jack says that he cannot dig his own grave, since Marie dug it for him. But then your final line is that Jack is digging his own grave. I wasn't able to resolve the conflict between these two lines.

You have a great story here that has, in my opinion, the potential to be even better. I look forward to seeing what else your port has to offer.

My Rating - Four stars