Hi Gabriella!

Specific Lines
- "Birds find shelter in the feathery / branches that spring from the wide girth of the aging / pines." - I really like this description. Using the word "feathery" to describe the branches where the birds nest is very nice touch.

- " The stars turn away from / the sight of one of nature's own, bloodied and half buried in the snow." - I'll admit that this part through me off a little. I think I expected the poem to come back around and give a little more time on this part. Mainly, I expected to find out exactly what is bloodied and half-buried. Then again, I'm not really a poet and was never good at just leaving things unanswered.


Overall Thoughts

Imagery
The description of this poem is "a winter tableau" and you have certainly accomplished that. I'm from New England (Maine) originally, and I found your imagery to be accurate and very reminiscent of a New England winter.

Emotion
Excellent job with the emotion in this piece as well. There was, for me, a sense of awe at the beauty of winter, but also something akin to sorrow for the darker aspects of the season.

Rhythm
A free-form poem -- it suits this piece very nicely.

As A Whole
Overall I really enjoyed reading this poem. I think that 'bloodied' part threw me for a loop, but I know it was part of the darker side of things within the poem. I found myself either wanting more or less here, but was unsatisfied with the level in between. I think you have a gift for imagery, and you use it expertly. Great job!


My Rating: 4.5 stars

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Hi Omni!

Overall Thoughts
Not only is this guestbook well organized and nicely laid out, it also has a very unique activity woven into it -- that is, when you sign the guestbook, you're asked to review something of the person who signed before you. Not only that, but then you've promised to give reviews to those who have participated, thereby providing a two-to-one ratio on reviews for people who stop by to sign your guestbook! What an excellent way to promote reviewing and getting to meet new people all at the same time.

(And yes, I completed the review for Gabriella. ^_^)

My Rating: 5 stars


 

Hi Joy! Below is a review via Simply Positive!


Specific Lines
- "You crave noise / to deny / the existence / of your own voice, / quivering / with hunger / to be heard." - Wow. I found this to be an incredibly powerful line, perfect for the end of this poem.


Overall Thoughts

Imagery
This poem has very vivid imagery that gets your point across without actually saying it directly. I especially like how you format the lines to compliment the imagery.

Emotion
The emotion of this poem (I think) comes across loud and clear. It sounds like the speaker wants to help the object of the poem, but the speaker is annoyed and frustrated that they keep seeking out this "noise" to hide from themselves. It feels like this has been a recurring problem that the speaker has been dealing with for some time.

Rhythm
Jagged and off-beat, but perfect for the subject of the poem. I have no complaints or criticisms regarding the rhythm. I think it's extremely appropriate for this piece.

As A Whole
Overall I really like this poem. I especially like how the first 'stanza' is so long and almost seems to ramble on. It helps to convey the speaker's frustration, but it also fits well with the whole "noise" concept that is the focus of the piece. The broken lines and off-set rhythm also go along with the "noise" of the poem. Great job!


My Rating: 5 stars

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Hi Tara! This is review 5 of 5 that I owe you for your auction win a while back. Sorry it took me so long to complete them all, but it's certainly been a pleasure reading through your portfolio.

Specific Lines
"she awaits her midnight mystery / who said he'd come again soon." - I like the way this line sets up the rest of the poem, and I especially like how it's repeated at the end ("hoping he'll come again soon").


Overall Thoughts

Imagery
Very vivid imagery to capture the moment. Extremely well done. I think the imagery in this poem is some of the best I've read in your poems.

Emotion
Longing, lust, then longing again -- it all comes across very nicely in this poem. No critiques here.

Rhythm
Excellent rhythm. Everything seemed to flow very nicely and I didn't notice any obvious breaks in the rhythm. Great job!

As A Whole
Overall this piece is excellent. It's a very well-written poem that is very subtle and classy in the way it handles the adult subject matter. Other than a small typo in the third line of the fourth stanza, I have no comments for improvement. Great job!


My Rating: 5 stars

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Hi Tara! It's Miranda again. Hope everything's going well with you!

Specific Lines

"Now, all I need is a plan..." - Ha!!! Perfect ending.

Overall Thoughts

Imagery
I thought your imagery was perfect. It is all very appropriately mad scientist/evil genius type stuff. Very well written.

Rhythm
The first and third stanzas felt a little bit off to me in terms of rhythm. I liked the rhyme scheme you employ here, though the last line of the third stanza ("and I'll be ruler- for eternity") didn't quite feel like it fit in, rhythmically.

As A Whole
Overall I really like this piece. It reminds me a bit of a Jonathan Coulton song called Skullcrusher Mountain, which is also about a mad scientist who wants to take over the world. I think this is a very clever and out-of-the-ordinary poem, which is great! I think the rhythm could use a bit of work in a few places, specifically in the first stanza (the lines felt a bit awkward-- I had to read it a couple times to get the flow) and the third stanza.

Great job with this unique poem!


My Rating: 4 stars

 

Merry Christmas! All right, December really has not been my month for writing regularly. It's been really busy, and there are so many things that we're still dealing with in the new house. But I'm trying to stop making excuses and just sit down and do it. On a related note, I bought a bunch of writing-related books the other day that were on sale from Writer's Digest. One of them is particularly ironic, since it's all about forgetting the excuses and just sitting down to write -- but of course you have to read the book first, and then you have to watch the bonus features on the included DVD... not to mention the exercises about why it's important to write and what your major procrastination tools are. I plan to cite "writing a list of procrastination methods" at the top of that list. Though in all seriousness, I think it's an interesting book with what I hope will be some helpful tips.

I've tried to pick up this short story again, but the problem I'm having is that I'm really trying to make a short story out of something that I think really needs to be a much longer piece. Maybe I can knock a short story out of it for now and pull it around to a longer work later on. It would be nice to actually just finish something. It never ceases to amaze me how exceedingly difficult that seems to be.


Work in progress:
The man in front wondered how much farther before they reached the border between Drahkonia and Sylenria. He knew it couldn't be much farther, and yet it almost felt as though they would never reach it. There was a girl somewhere, alone in the darkness, who was counting on him to find her. "I will find you, Katie," he whispered aloud, spurring his horse to an even faster gallop. "I promise I'll find you."


It was still before dawn when Jashua made his way out of his master's keep and across the open farmland to the forest that lay beyond. The plan that had been formulated among them in the middle of the night was shaky at best, but still it was a plan and, more importantly, it was the only one they had. Phillip Atharn had kept himself close to his homeland even after his exile, and so the keep that he made his home was but a short distance from the Drahkonian border. Jashua could make it there in only a few hours on foot, and then perhaps he would be able to find someone, anyone, to tell of the Queen's whereabouts. There would have to be a border patrol, wouldn't there. Surely someone would be looking for her and surely Jashua would be able to do something to help, even if it was as simple as showing them the way. He ran as quickly as he dared with only the moonlight to guide his way.
 

The woman sniffed quietly and wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand. "Thank you, Jashua," she said, her voice strained. "And thank you for coming, Brother. I just... the boy said he knew a priest and I... I didn't know what else to do."

"It's quite alright," Leto said. He stood and moved to stand immediately before the queen. Crouching, he took her hand in his own. "It's alright, child," he said. This young woman was now no longer a queen to him, but rather a lost soul in need of guidance and comfort. "I will do what I can to help you. Phillip has been troubled for some time, but I had no idea his depravity had gone so far... that he had sunk into his delusions to the point of kidnapping a queen." Leto tightened his grip on Katarina's hand, and she squeezed back. "I must have been blind not to see the path he forged for himself. I should have seen."

A voice beside him offered a quiet confession, "I saw." Both priest and queen turned to look at where the boy still knelt with head bowed, his blond hair falling down to shield his face from view. "Three nights ago," he continued, "I saw the master." As Jashua explained the ritual he had unwittingly observed, Leto's blood chilled in his veins, and he could tell by Katarina's trembling hand that hers had as well. "I'm sorry," he said sorrowfully. "I didn't... I should have told you, Leto."

Surely the boy must have been too frightened by what he saw to speak up. But still, to think that the child had witnessed something so sinister taking place within the very walls of he keep and had not spoken of it to anyone -- even Leto -- seemed completely incomprehensible. Yet it would do none of them a bit of good to worry about that now. Now he had to be of solace to a frightened girl, alone and far from her home. "We should think," he said, hoping to avoid any of them dwelling on what could have or should have happened. "We need to come up with a plan.

"He'll be coming for me," Katarina spoke up. "Dominic will send an army, if he does not come for me himself."

"I have no doubt of that, Your Majesty," Leto said. "King Dominic is not known to sit idly by and let others do things for him. He will very likely send an army. And if he does, he will be leading the march. Now, my child, I hate to ask it of you, but do you know what Atharn's intentions are? Has he said anything to you about why he's done this?"

The queen shook her head, even as her eyes grew wide. "No, he's said nothing, but... but did you say 'Atharn?' Phillip Atharn? That must be it. It cannot be a coincidence, could it?"

"What, Your Majesty?" Jashua had raised his head again and was watching her carefully, trying to deduce the coincidence, or lack thereof, of which she spoke.

"My husband told me stories of his cousin and aunt who had been exiled years ago, twenty years now at least. He said the boy harbored some misbegotten notion that Dominic had somehow stolen his birthright and that it was he who should have been in line for the throne. The cousin's name was Phillip, I'm certain of it, and his mother had been the Lady Atharn. He must have taken his mother's name upon his exile. But that would mean..."

"...He's done this to get back at King Dominic. And if he's still holding onto this delusion after all these years... I can honestly say that I have no idea how far he'll go to get what he believes is rightfully his." Leto turned and saw that Jashua was already looking at him. "We need to get her out of here as soon as possible."


Somewhere, through the darkness, three men rode as fast as they could across the open countryside. The moon was not yet full, but the sky was clear and provided enough illumination for them to find their way